Monday, 29 November 2010

Brimful of Ashes

Not saying it’s cold or owt but there’s not an unneutered brass monkey on Teesside. As we watched the Boro’s latest blundering attempt to overcome feeble opposition there was a point where I considered pouring me Bovril down the insides of me trousers just to find out if my bollocks were still on the outside.

I mean it was so cold you had to wear a coat. In November. I felt a right jessie.

Some real men

I’m hoping and praying this doesn’t mean that fixtures will be cancelled cos the iddy-biddy football supporter might have an ickle slip on his way to the ground and get a bruise. For Pete’s sake, how long before you have a crack squad of under-employed solicitors hanging on our frozen street corners with an unsigned lawsuit in their hands and the local council in their gun-sights?

It’s weather like this that makes you pine for somewhere like Brisbane. I have been to Brizzie once, and I don’t remember much. Whether it was the dullness that made me drink or the drink that made it dull I can’t say. Actually it might have the dullness of the drink. Well it was Australian. Amber nectar my arse. If nectar really tasted like Foster’s there wouldn’t be a pollinated flower on God’s green earth.

Of course, there’s been some encouraging signs in the build-up to the Ashes. Which basically means that while Englishmen and South Africans were doing ok, the Aussies were batting like drunks with toothpicks.

Inevitably, someone had to spoil the impression and them someones were Peter Siddle –who bears all the hallmarks of a bloke you wouldn’t want to call a tosser under your breath (the tosser) – and Michael Hussey, a man who rejoices in the nickname Mr. Cricket. Mind you, when you’ve been called ‘hussy’ all your life anything’ll do. Ask my first girlfriend Natalie from Thornaby.

200+ behind on first innings, you knew what was coming. The return of the invertebrate England batting line-up. Just so many pale pink Pommie prawns for the summer barbie. And yet, as TMS crackled in and out of my fractured dreams, there seemed to be no signs of the debacle to come.

Not once did I hear the Boycott drone muttering ‘that’s just plain silly is that.’ Not once did I hear the faltering toff that is Martin-Jenkins so much as whisper ‘oh and he’s OUT – no he’s not that’s a fine shot for four!’

The only difference in me aural landscape was the progressively louder strains of ‘God Save The Queen’ from the Barmy Army. Ah the Englishman abroad - pissed, tuneless and heat-stroked - I'd take out the lot of 'em were it not for the fact that they get up the Antipodean nose like a funnel-web spider up a drainpipe.

At the end of the fourth day Shane Watson – one of them old school Aussies (blond hair, blond wife, tiresomely optimistic) – said that Australia had had a pretty good day. England were 309-1. Yep, and that Atom bomb was a great day for Hiroshima. Plank.



And so it was that Cook and Trott batted on into the fifth day like two schoolmasters ambling down a corridor, gently cuffing the backs of well-intentioned but inept schoolboys. Ponting, a man who looks like he’s been built by Nick Park, did his usual captaincy stuff. Not a fuckin’ clue, that man.

Punter has to be the most fortunate captain in cricketing history – and I’m not talking about his batting here which is as good as there is. For most of his career as skipper he’s had two options: give it to Glenn; or give it to Shane. In both cases it worked. Not cos Ponting has the remotest bit of nous or intuition but cos he had two of the greatest bowlers the world has seen on his pudgy little plasticine palms.

I mean for Chrissakes a cocker spaniel could’ve got the hang of that after a couple of days. Now he looks around for a go-to-man and up strides gentle Ben Hilfenhaus. Or fiery Pete Siddle – not a name you want to Spoonerise. Or Xavier Doherty – if that really is his name. Or there’s always Mitchell Johnson as his ‘Go-From Man’.

If Mitch starts marking his run-up you then one, you know Punter’s run out of ideas and two, you can add a quick fifty to the score. Surely Bollinger will replace him for Adelaide. Actually I reckon you could replace him with Asti Bastard Spumante and it would be an improvement.

Whether England can maintain the surreal dominance of the last two days remains to be seen. KP is like a myopic banana-grader for the EU – he’s still capable of missing a straight one. Prior didn’t get going. I don’t think Broad should worry too much about keeping his gob in check. He’s better when he’s cranky.

And Swanny needs to settle down a bit. At the moment he’s been built up as the one wot’ll win it for us and the last bloke that was said about was Wayne Rooney. I’m not saying Graeme’ll turn into a feckless user of whores and slater of fans but he needs to just settle in and keep it simple.

Wazza of course has slipped back into the United team with the minimum of fuss and even let Dimitar Berbatov get the plaudits for the five goals he bagged v Blackburn. I’ve never quite understood why the great alehouse brutes that stroll Terminator-like onto the park in the colours of Blackburn Rovers always play so meekly at Old Trafford.

If Big Sam knows why he’s not telling.

Meanwhile the BBC Sports Personality of the Year line-up has been announced. And – what the hell – no footballers? After all they’ve done for us? Tell you what, it’s Christmas. Panto season. Stick ‘em all in some stocks and we’ll custard pie the lot of them. For a week. Or better yet, just keep striking them in the face with James Corden.


Pick him up by the ankles and use him like a hammer. Joy unconfined.

I'm off down the boozer. Now. Where's that long-sleeved T-shirt?

690 comments:

  1. As Sven would say if he were manager of the England cricket team "first half not so good, second half good". and to think that a few weeks ago a load of imbeciles (myself included) were wondering whether Cook should keep his place in the team. Seems I know about as much about cricket management as football management.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So Jose got rogered at the Camp Nou and there were plenty of handbags. I don't know much about football but that Messi looks a reasonable player.

    Did anyone watch the Panorama thing tonight? I fell asleep half way through just as they were crapping on about Jack Warner and tickets.

    Oh and that comment above should've read.......

    FIRST!

    How remiss of me to post an on topic first comment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I believe they sing "god save YOUR Queen!". Brilliant stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  4. them geezers in the speedos are pooftahs compared to seminaked geordie lasses on a night out in December

    ReplyDelete
  5. good stuff Robbo, it has been suggested that Big Sam's teams always take it up the shitter at OT, mainly suggested by my Scouse pal, but obviously they got 6 lucky bounces and a draw would have been a fair result!

    Blog, you're right, a quick dip in a frozen lake and a sprint around the park is nowt. Those girls go from pub to pub to club to back alley to cold cell for 12 hours straight.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The bodies of blonde Scandinavian sirens, the brains of Astrophysicists* and the morals of prissy Victorian maiden aunts*, trotter. I fink I love them. All.

    *amended from original version.

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  7. Ashes, Robbo, is what's left of Englands WC bid after tpnights BBC paintomorra expose

    why now? Why not next week after the vote?

    I also blame the BBC for North KOrea and for the underpaid tax bill I just got for 2000£.


    Xmas is cancelled boys.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Paid work getting in the way of blogging, Robbo?

    It's the other way round for us.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bris-Vegas is just plain boring - a bit like Milton Keynes without the excitement.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Morning/Evening to you all. Just back from a few days down Sydney way. Rained every fucking second I was there. Had to come back to Newcastle to get some sun. Never thought I'd say that.

    As a result, I missed the last two days of the Ashes test, so missed the English batting. Aussies not happy and looks like Doug Bollinger and Ryan Harris will be there for the next test. They bothed looked very, very, very good last summer when they were both demolishing the Windies and Pakistani teams. Plus Bollinger is a bit of a character too. We'll see what they can do against the English. Agree with your assessment of Johnson, Robbo. His form may change once he gets rid of his paedo tache once Movember comes to an end, but I doubt he'll still be in the team by then.

    Another stunning second half of football played by Tottenham Superspurs this weekend. Bit concerned to lose another centre back and of course VDV. Injuries are stacking up a bit too quickly. As for FFL. I give up. Half my team are injured, and the ones that play do fuck all. Playing my wildcard was the biggest mistake. Don't do it Bo.

    ReplyDelete
  11. did anybody make it past half time of the Panorama broadcast? What's the word?

    Robbo, that's at least two bloody stupid decisions the BBC have made this year!

    ReplyDelete
  12. dammit if paid work came in the way of blogging, there wouldnt be a single comment on in here. Look sharp, Robbo and lets see 2-3 blogs per week. In fact, its the lack of paid work that has seen RBA disappear from here. paid work indeed. utter tosh, what ?

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm not here to defend Aussie beer but can I make two points, a) noone in Australia drinks Fosters and b) if the beer is so bad what is the Barmy Army on?

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  14. PS. Just had to put on a long-sleeve shirt here too in Bris-ganastan, got down to 26 degrees! Brrrrr!

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  15. Just wading through the wreckage of my FFL team - I scored the least points in the whole league this weekend!! I haven't got a bad team - it's just that they're performing like a bunch of c**ts (sorry BHB). And with the transfer system, I can't afford to transfer out some of my injured players, because I don't keep the whole transfer fee. I don't know why, but I can't sell Drogba. I keep on thinking, he'll score again soon, he has to. Although with my luck, if I do sell him, then Chelsea's form is bound to improve.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm all for a free press but if you're going to sleep with the devil surely you would want to play by his rules, otherwise, what's the point?

    On the one hand, you have the government wanting to shag a prostitute and, on the other, you have the government's media arm pointing out the pitfalls of doing so.

    I'm no great philosopher but I would have thought I would have sorted out my inner demons before wanting to put my dick in a mouth as rancid as FIFA's.

    ReplyDelete
  17. G'day all

    Zeb.... good to see you here again.

    I have to agree that Panorama's timing was off (deliberately no doubt) but what is worse, they didn't really come up with anything new... seems to me they aired the program at this time in order to antagonise FIFA... could even say deliberately sabotage England's bid.

    There again should the media be held to ransom by the world's football governing body.... buggered if I know.

    Oh, Robbo... I have no concept of what you call cold, we consider it cold when the temp drops below 15 degrees celcius here mate.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Morning all.
    Good one Robbo. Congratulations on being employed again!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Barcelona thrashed Real Madrid 5-0... Dirty tactics against Messi did not work and Mourniho, Cry-stay-ano Ronaldo leave Nou Camp empty handed.

    ReplyDelete
  20. 2 inches of snow time for a snowball fight..

    ReplyDelete
  21. So Real got Blackburned last night ... Good.

    Nah, never mind Robbo saying he knows it's cold because he had to wear a coat, I know it's cold because it's snowing in Kent.

    Got three inches of the bastard stuff at the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think I can vaguely remember what snow is... it's that white fluffy stuff that falls from the sky aint it?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Morning all. Any thoughts on the following from the BBC gossip column Star......

    Tottenham are lining up a "sensational" swoop for unsettled Manchester City striker Emmanuel Adebayor.

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  24. And finally some good news for Liverpool fans....

    Juventus are continuing to show interest in Liverpool forward Ryan Babel while Sevilla are keen on the Reds' Brazilian midfielder Lucas Leiva.

    ReplyDelete
  25. blogdignag said...

    2 inches of snow time for a snowball fight..
    ___________________________________

    Starfire said...

    Got three inches of the bastard stuff at the moment.

    ____________________________________________

    Ha.I raise you to 9 inches in Buxton,worse over the hills.

    Don't anticipate the busiest of days today.

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  26. zeb i think i probably agree with you but im not sure as i dont know what you mean

    bo - yes snows the stuff that immobilises england as everyone is looking up pointing and saying ahhh

    cilch : my thoughts on that bit of bbc gossip is the BBC are a bunch of irresponsible WC bid-scuppering bastards and actually thats my thought on anything connected to the BBC

    ReplyDelete
  27. jacksofbuxton said...

    blogdignag said...

    2 inches of snow time for a snowball fight..
    ___________________________________

    Starfire said...

    Got three inches of the bastard stuff at the moment.
    ____________________________________________

    Ha.I raise you to 9 inches in Buxton,worse over the hills.
    _____________

    Snow going for auction in UK. Tee Hee.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Spare a thought for me though guys.... countless days of 30+ temps... it gets a bit old after a while.

    ReplyDelete
  29. blogdignag said...

    jacks - snow? in buxton?
    ________________________________________

    I know,whoda thunk it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I would prefer it cooler in summer blog... I don't think I could handle the winters there though.

    ReplyDelete
  31. bit rich a gormless fool like princey "woof" andrew railing against corruption in foreign places. only a moron would claim he's in that role due to merit and thats my definition of a corrupt political culture. roll on the republic.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Why the fuck is BBC behind England's WC bid?

    ReplyDelete
  33. http://www.maccinfo.com/Flash/

    I'm supposed to drive home on this road.May have to look for an alternative.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Remarkably,I've had customers.

    However,just reading Leslie Nielsen's obit,a sad loss,and there are various quotes.My favourite being...

    Dutch Gunderson:"Who are you and how did you get in here?"

    Frank Drebin: "I'm a locksmith.And I'm a locksmith."

    ReplyDelete
  35. Looks like some of the roads I was out in earlier Jack.

    As for Adebyheckimamoneygrabingwhore ... I would say the rumurs are bollocks but having run out of clothes to eat after proclaiming Gallas wouldn't go to Spurs what the fuck do I know about these things?

    Certainly my transfer history managing the Pie Keys would point to someone who doesn't have a clue half the time ...

    ReplyDelete
  36. Starfire said...
    Looks like some of the roads I was out in earlier Jack.

    As for Adebyheckimamoneygrabingwhore ... I would say the rumurs are bollocks but having run out of clothes to eat after proclaiming Gallas wouldn't go to Spurs what the fuck do I know about these things?

    Certainly my transfer history managing the Pie Keys would point to someone who doesn't have a clue half the time ...
    --------------------

    or more accurately all of the time

    ReplyDelete
  37. Starfire said...

    Certainly my transfer history managing the Pie Keys would point to someone who doesn't have a clue half the time ...
    _________________________________________
    adampsb said...


    or more accurately all of the time
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Current points in FFL.

    The Pie Keys.......779

    PSB United.........742

    ReplyDelete
  38. Colch..those are indeed wonderful bits of news and one can but hope they turn out to be true.

    Personally I think its time to cash in on torres and strengthen the squad. Someone in scouseland will certainly shoot me for saying this, but i think we should also offer arsenal pepe for walcott. no point having a world class gk if the team has a shite defence and cant score either.

    ReplyDelete
  39. jacksofbuxton said...
    Starfire said...

    Certainly my transfer history managing the Pie Keys would point to someone who doesn't have a clue half the time ...
    _________________________________________
    adampsb said...


    or more accurately all of the time
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Current points in FFL.

    The Pie Keys.......779

    PSB United.........742
    ----------------

    But in teh Head to Head league - teh ultimate managerial test I'm 5th and Star is 13th - unluckily

    ReplyDelete
  40. And if it was the other way round Adam,would you say that it's the total points that show a more consistent managerial record?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Of course I would

    Nothing like interpreting data to suit yourself is there

    ReplyDelete
  42. Ah, but I was taking my form from Chelsea Adam (serves me right for using three of their players) Amazingly now I've ditched two of them I've returned to winning ways after losing 4 on the spin.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I've dropped Drogba and Malouda as well for Rooney & Nani which could keep me ahead especially as we have Blackpool on Saturday

    ReplyDelete
  44. Wenger said, "You will be surprised if you look at the age of the Carling Cup team. When I speak about the young players, the young players are still in the squad but they are still very young.

    We need games for young players so that explains why we have less ‘super’ young players playing. However, the team who plays in the Carling Cup is still very young."
    ------------------
    'super' young :P

    ReplyDelete
  45. 'super' young = age less than 12 years

    ReplyDelete
  46. http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/wenger-i-will-not-buy-in-transfer-window
    --------------------------
    Its good bye PL title then.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Still churning out this absolute shit are you Robbo?

    My god you really just dont know when to quit do you? Its pathetic really.

    ReplyDelete
  48. kamikaze training budget cuts - no uniform, no swimming pool.

    the one at the front has run off with the last hachimaki which you can see stuffed down the front of his speedos and theyre really angry. when they catch him theyre going to hold him down and not beat him and then let him go alive. thatll learn him.


    james : corden him off he's not funny. fat twerp.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous said...
    Still churning out this absolute shit are you Robbo?

    My god you really just dont know when to quit do you? Its pathetic really.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Lewis Wiltshire? Is that you?

    ReplyDelete
  50. adampsb said...
    Of course I would

    Nothing like interpreting data to suit yourself is there

    >>>>>>>>>>

    typical tory

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anon,you're a fine one for telling others about churning out shit. You wallow in it and spout it every time you rock up on here.

    ReplyDelete
  52. blogdignag said...
    Anonymous said...
    Still churning out this absolute shit are you Robbo?

    My god you really just dont know when to quit do you? Its pathetic really.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Lewis Wiltshire? Is that you?
    -----------------

    Here's a hint













    Transforms into a laser cannon and blasts his PC

    ReplyDelete
  53. i think its great that like KP and grant holt and a few of my mates, the whole of stoke-on-trent, including the women, have grown moustaches to raise awareness of prostrate cancer. good on yer stokeys and here's me thinking you were just 30 years behind the times.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Adam,if you turned yourself into a laser cannon(we'll ignore the logistics of that for a second)and then blew up your pc,how could you post that afterwards?

    ReplyDelete
  55. If by wallowing in shit you mean having to wade through Robbos blog in order to tell him whats what then I would agree.

    You on the other hand spend a significant portion of your life up to your neck in Robbo shit. This failed comic writer who was sacked for churning out shit on the BBC. Maybe you dont realise how sad it is to spend your life wanking over Robbo blogs. I wont charge you for opening your eyes.....

    ReplyDelete
  56. Blog the anser is

    http://media.screened.com/uploads/0/4544/293840-galvatron_transformed_super.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous. Yep. Same old shit. Bit worried that you're following the shit around, mind. Think that's called coprophilia? Now wash your hands.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Jacks he then used his blackberry

    ReplyDelete
  59. adampsb said...

    Jacks he then used his blackberry
    _____________________________________________

    Who,your alter ego ToryTitFaceMan?

    ReplyDelete
  60. If wallowing in shit is so offensive to you Anon why do it each week? 'Thou doth protest too much' comes to mind ...

    ReplyDelete
  61. Still snowing like a bastard outside ... looks like someone' lobbing prawn crackers out into the air from here.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Cornish village team Madron FC have been branded the worst team in Britain - by their own manager! The team has lost 11 games on the trot, conceded 227 goals (scoring only twice themselves) and has been on the end of a 55-0 thrashing.

    -------------------------------

    And FBH thought he had it bad with his FFL team ...

    ReplyDelete
  63. Star,if it's banding about Chinese take away down in Kent can you grab me a kung po chicken with rice and side order of seaweed?

    Ta.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Pepe for Walcot..you're having a laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Depends where it's coming from Jack ... if it's the one up the road from me I'd give it a miss ... all I'll say is there's a lot of cats go missing around here ...

    ReplyDelete
  66. I'll give that one to Sisko then Star.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Snow, I still fucking hate it!!

    Afternoon lads, its still cold as a bastard here in th Lowlands and it's even colder then I was used to here oop north.

    Amyroader, this blog was a bit lost on me, I'm not much of a cricket fan, but I do agree that Cordon is the most unfunny heavy set man since Mussolini.

    And you're spot on about Big Sam's teams, they always take it up the jaxxy from Sir F words team. I think Fergie sends Sam his used Wrigleys, which Sam then has a good chew on to see if he gain some Alexness, i9n exchange for all three points.

    ReplyDelete
  68. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Tone, it's got nothing to do with playing conditions, it's the health and safety pillocks who cancel everything, because they worry for the fans safety (slippy roads, pavements etc)

    ReplyDelete
  70. Cheers Tone, you got me talking to myself (nothing new)

    ReplyDelete
  71. and another thong , them naked japs taking part in their national sport - sado-masochism- would be warm as toast if they put on one of the trendy new snoods as sported by Tevez et al.

    How much longer before there wearing puffa team tops, sheepskin gloves, oilskin trousers and arrive on the pitch in a sledge pulled by huskys?

    I could see them in balaclavas. Actually I could see half of them in black balaclavas with the word RAPIST across the brow.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Great Blog as usual

    re the cold weather up in TS land, wot was wrong with playing in such conditions, it was always so unless it was a blizzard and 5" thick,
    Many moons ago i remember going to Millmoor in the morning, and helping the groundstaff with hundreds of others clearing the pitch etc, the game went ahead
    Oh and yes it was bad Sunday, my flights back to D-land was cancelled, managed to get back late last night

    And we had 12" in TS,(FBH, me and not too far away Ngog)

    ReplyDelete
  73. Starfire said...
    Ah, but I was taking my form from Chelsea Adam (serves me right for using three of their players) Amazingly now I've ditched two of them I've returned to winning ways after losing 4 on the spin.

    ------------------------------------------
    Think we have all done that now..i replaced cashley and malouda with vidic and nani and am doing alright. just like noel though, i just cant seem to rid myself of drogba and hope that his next hat-trick is just a game away.

    ReplyDelete
  74. H, to talk to oneself is the beginning of a lifelong conversation as Oscar wilde almost said

    ReplyDelete
  75. Tottenham midfielder Rafael van der Vaart says his heart belongs to Hamburg and although he is happy at White Hart Lane, he wants to return to the German club again one day.
    Full story: fourfourtwo.com

    -----
    A Dutch guy who'd prefer to be in Germany?
    Damn it must be crap at Shite Fart Lane.

    ReplyDelete
  76. AnfieldHopeful said...
    Someone in scouseland will certainly shoot me for saying this, but i think we should also offer arsenal pepe for walcott. no point having a world class gk if the team has a shite defence and cant score either.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Anonymous said...
    Pepe for Walcot..you're having a laugh.
    ----------------------------------------------
    Dammit Anon..you do talk footy as well, and an Arsenal supporter at that. i would've put you down for a millwall fan. Care to expound on why you might want to laugh at that suggestion?

    ReplyDelete
  77. Re Boro v Hull. No problem with playing in snow. Best slidey tackles in the world when you've got three inches of snow on the park. It's just that Hull played in white which did make it easier for the bastards to steal into the box unnoticed. I tell you, every one of them was like a latter-day Martin Peters.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Not sure if I could handle a lifetime conversation, I'd better shut up.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Oi Anonymous. Hope you've got the long boots on for the shit-wading!

    ReplyDelete
  80. AH.

    Maybe, just maybe (100% sure thing) there is more then one Anon.

    ReplyDelete
  81. I watched the vale played in thick fog, Robbo. From the bycars end you could see as the halfway line and then they all became totalling captain oatses marching off into a blizzard.

    A recent biography of oatses outed him as a pedophile. Which raises the possibility that he marched off Into the teeth of a blizzard because a) he was thick and b) someone as a joke said that young Eskimo girls were up for it.

    ReplyDelete
  82. You gotta love this though;

    "If by wallowing in shit you mean having to wade through Robbos blog in order to tell him whats what then I would agree."

    Having to? Why, who's got a gun to your head?
    ---
    "You on the other hand spend a significant portion of your life up to your neck in Robbo shit."

    How would you know unless you were here too?
    ----

    "Maybe you dont realise how sad it is to spend your life wanking over Robbo blogs."

    Which is of course nowhere near as sad as bitching about them!!!!!!
    ----
    "I wont charge you for opening your eyes....."

    Where do I send the bill?

    ReplyDelete
  83. fanned this fookin predictive tech sting

    ReplyDelete
  84. Aston Villa are ready to rekindle their interest in Tottenham striker Robbie Keane with a £6m bid in January.
    Full story: Daily Mail

    ---
    They really should change their name to Has Been Strikers Utd.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Meanwhile, Spurs winger David Bentley could become the latest Premier League player to find a home at Turkish club Galatasary.
    Full story: footylatest.com

    -----
    Never Was City??

    ReplyDelete
  86. H that guy gives all the other anons a bad name

    ReplyDelete
  87. H2/SS11 - I'm planning to swap VdV for Arshavin while he gets his hamstrings fixed. Either of you already jinxed arshavin by having him in your team? If so, i'd probably go for cahill.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Hilarious Blogs!!
    ---

    AH, I had Arsh in for a while, but got rid of him before he had a dip in form, my curse only works on players from other teams. SS11 on the other hand is the king of jinx when it comes to gunners.;)

    ReplyDelete
  89. Geo News'channel claimed that they had received a fresh video recording of Mazhar Majeed,the UK based bookie who was at the centre of spot-fixing scandal three month back, in which he names Umar Akmal, Wahab Riaz, Kamran Akmal and Imran Farhat as the four other players on his payroll.It quoted Mazhar as saying in the video that he only targetted the younger players as he planned for the future.
    -----------------------------------------------
    This is hilarious. Even bookies who fix games are now planning for the future.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Hollywood film star Morgan Freeman has been drafted in by the USA Bid Committee hoping to help win the right to bring the 2022 World Cup to the United States.
    Full story: mlssoccer.com
    -----
    Can't they just pay the bribes with their own money?

    ReplyDelete
  91. H they should.sign up TIM Robbins ss well then at the FIFA award ceremony they could reenact the escape through a sea of shit escape scene from shawshank redemption. Anon, shit stirring shit headed shit-groupie will be there with his autograph book

    Which English king escaped through the London sewers?
    Richard the turd.

    Which English king invented fractions

    Henry the Eighth

    Which homosexual English king was executed with a rdhot poker up his arse

    Edward the second

    Which English monarch wad a right piss-head
    Edward the firsty

    For his final meal why did the French king who got his head chopped off only ask for one egg?
    One egg was an oeuf

    ReplyDelete
  92. The U.S FA (or U S of A) soccerfooty organisation need to recrit Tom Cruise to infiltrate FIFA and secure the bid without the use of backhanders.

    In the meantime he could film the next Mission Impossible film.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Mission Impossibe prduced by and starring Tom Cruise.
    Distribution by Jack Warner Brothers.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Vinnie Jones was type cast in Mr mockney madonnas movies

    How about...

    John fashanu in african queen

    Rafa in Rear window (director, Mourinho)

    Walcott in the Japanese remake of king lear, Ran

    Arsene in Silent Witness 2 : I was unsighted

    er er Becks in "Don't tell Posh! My girlfriend wanks pigs!"

    ReplyDelete
  95. You really are a useless cunt

    ReplyDelete
  96. FULL-TIME West Ham 4-0 Man Utd.

    Where are the gloaters at now?

    ReplyDelete
  97. G'day all

    What a great night of Carling Cup football. Un**ed humilated at Upton Park and a win for the gunners... just doesn't get any better.

    Anon... you know fuck all... there's no such thing as a useless cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  98. No doubt Utd fans will point to the 'fact' that it's a Mickey Mouse Cup, and they had their reserves out. The usual excuses.

    ReplyDelete
  99. its a mickey mouse cup and we had our res.....er i mean, well done west 'am.

    someone was looking down on me today. normally up in london but went to a project kick off at gatwick instead and missed out on travel chaos!

    ReplyDelete
  100. bo, i think you are being kind when you say humiliated! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  101. Scholesy, nevermind about Man U, you had a win in FFSL at the weekend that should give you all the consolation you need, congratulations. Just give me a clue, how do you pick a team where everyone scores a goal, are you bribing somebody?

    Yo, Spit and Scholesy on the same day! It must be Christmas.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Scholesy, where you are concerned I try to be as kind as I can be mate.

    Welcome back Spit.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Carling Cup is Arsenal's to lose now surely? The reserve team that played tonight was still very strong.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Noel, if Arsenal have anything to lose they surely will do so.

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  105. yep, Arsenal will find a way to fudge it up royally if left to their accord.

    tis only if all other teams gang up to win a title for Arsenal is how they gonna get summat done.


    Trott,
    as Robbo said, paid work getting in way of serious blogging. or summat.

    ReplyDelete
  106. I work for meself Spit so I get overtime for driveling on here.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Trott,

    tis but a lame excuse on my part.

    got a new apartment and am busy shifting.

    Normal service will resume in a couple of weeks the most.

    ReplyDelete
  108. good for you, change is dynamic!

    ReplyDelete
  109. Ello spits

    We've gained this Anon geezer. I think its Lewis Wiltshire after a nervous breakdown. Guilt can eat away at you.

    ReplyDelete
  110. We have bush fires in the area again... they should string up the pricks that start them... if they find them of course.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Who is this Lewis Wiltshire you speak of blog?

    ReplyDelete
  112. No its Robbo's BBC boss. The one who sacked him.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Cheers mate... that makes sense then.

    ReplyDelete
  114. When I type no I mean BO course. Fry gin predicate tick sten

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  115. Bo I think what may have happened is that Anon went on the Jeremy Kyle show with the other scumbags and when the DNA results came back they showed that he's not actually human.

    Must have been a terrible trauma.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Total money spent on agents (Oct 2009 - Sep 2010):

    Arsenal - £3,660,199.00
    Aston Villa - £2,279,536.50
    Birmingham - £1,518,529.09
    Blackburn - £1,623,232.92
    Blackpool - £45,000.00
    Bolton - £3,549,316.72
    Chelsea - £9,293,751.48
    Everton - £3,599,040.51
    Fulham - £2,087,373.55
    Liverpool - £9,032,528.49
    Manchester City - £5,952,261.33
    Manchester United - £2,312,726.00
    Newcastle - £2,417,776.00
    Stoke - £2,196,968.50
    Sunderland - £4,421,990.72
    Tottenham - £5,361,229.87
    West Brom - £614,195.73
    West Ham - £3,419,089.99
    Wigan - £2,461,500.00
    Wolves - £1,291,794.00

    It's time to rid these leeches from football methinks

    ReplyDelete
  117. Turns out he's a rare breed of fucking cabbage.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Haha at blog... it is a terrible shock to find out you are not human, I discovered the fact about myself 8 months ago

    ReplyDelete
  119. Money spent on agents

    Russia
    £456764467888888894432

    USA
    $456643246788643356884333345

    UK
    54p

    ReplyDelete
  120. Turns out he's a rare breed of fucking cabbage.
    ==============================================

    I have my doubts about him being anon then blog... our anon is a giant fucking dildo

    ReplyDelete
  121. I don't think he bothers reading the ripostes, Bo. Just as well really because after last time he'd be a talking cabbage with seriously diminished self-esteem.

    "You're all cunts and I can beat you up."

    HahahahahahahaHa snort Hahaha!!a!!

    ReplyDelete
  122. I get the picture of a very short guy that was bullied at school.... a journalist in other words.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Time to leave... not to my imaginary job today, off to perth to attend a fear of flying course.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Careful Bo there's an extremely high rate of air crashes on those courses.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Thanks blog... have you been told today?

    ReplyDelete
  126. chuckle chuckle chuckle

    (pause in chuckling) why the fuck Did Bolton spend 3.5 million on agents in the last year? That's more than we spent on players? Unless of course the players are also agents. Wait, are we still making installments to Big Sam's Lad? This calls for another Panorama investigation.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Prince William has joined the bid team in Zurich!!! Is he offering front row seats at the Abbey? Maybe a luxury box above the pulpit?

    ReplyDelete
  128. tough times ahead for SAF..the carling cup's gone..the FA cup is as good as gone now that they're playing liverpool next..it's got to be either PL or CL then if they want any silverware this season..



    tee hee

    ReplyDelete
  129. Wiltshire is also McCuntys boss. he had one blog prior to the WC with 45 comments, he closed it down when 45 comments shat on him

    ReplyDelete
  130. Holloway2Holland said...

    AH, I had Arsh in for a while, but got rid of him before he had a dip in form, my curse only works on players from other teams. SS11 on the other hand is the king of jinx when it comes to gunners.;)
    -----------------------
    No, You just had to say that, don't you? ;)
    I have had Arshavin right from Day 1 of the season. Not yet jinxed us.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Carling Cup! Carling Cup! Carling Cup!
    1st trophy in 5 years...

    ReplyDelete
  132. re the Agent fees,

    I was thinking how Arsenal spent that much in the last year when the three players they signed in the period (Sqillaci, Koschelny, Chammkh) cost a total of 20mil.

    The only explanation would be that Arsenal extended professional contracts of 18 players between Oct and end of last season to go with the three signings.

    As I understand the agents get a cut EVERY time the player earns.

    Still obscene amount of cash for ppl not contributing to the quality of the sport.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Moin btw.

    I am here all day, called in sick. -10 with 50km/h winds are too much for a southerner to take.

    ReplyDelete
  134. blogdignag said...
    Vinnie Jones was type cast in Mr mockney madonnas movies
    How about...
    John fashanu in african queen
    ----------------------------------

    Surely that should've been Justin Fashanu.

    Oh and morning all.

    ReplyDelete
  135. Tramadol nights bloggy ? I must say I very much enjoyed Frankie Boyles new comedy vehicle, especially his mentally i'll 'Knight Rider' sketch.

    Well done West Ham, whatever Un**ed say, you stuffed them good and proper and without your Captain (did he play?)

    Is this Anon (the one fascinated with shit). The same one that was obsessed with Bumming last week? A scat man or men?

    ReplyDelete
  136. What on earth does a two match ban (the second suspended) do to Mourinho? It means he doesn't have to turn up to the same match his two players cheated to get out of on his instructions. Very Weird.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Man U .... 11-13 and you fucked it up !
    11 West Ham players against 13 Man U players(includes ref and his assistant)

    ReplyDelete
  138. BBT really? Did you see the game? You're quite right that United (Man) fucked it up, although you're doing a bit of discredit to West 'Am as their defending was spot on but the ref on United's side? Er no, Rafeal was taken out at least a couple of times that warranted minimum yellows and no 'fergie time' (thank God for that esp the second half) but please expand on your statement...

    ReplyDelete
  139. Oh and I'm not the anon that talks bums and shit and is full of shit, altho I am a United fan so you may disagree with that bit.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Anon ... you know I'm just trying to wind you up ManPoos. But the assistant should just have let that offside goal stand so that the humiliation would have been sweeter (not that its not sweet as is stands) Now we need another West Ham in your league games. Can Blackpool do a West Ham on Saturday?

    ReplyDelete
  141. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  142. it has started as a bad week for those teams with unbeaten runs (Mourinho & ManPoo). On a personal level too coz I ended my missus' unbeaten run last night in the bedroom as well by giving her 5 good African rounds :)

    ReplyDelete
  143. Blah, six inches of snow, blinding blizzards and biting winds. What bastard invited Siberia over to Kent for the week?

    ReplyDelete
  144. Well if Arsene sticks with his kids and gets dumped out of the CC now I think he'll be out of job come next season.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Dumped out by whom, Star? There is no Spurs this time to defeat us. The kids know this is their best chance for glory this season, and hope they will grab the opportunity. We'll win this year.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Or can Everton do a Sunderland at Chelski?

    ReplyDelete
  147. Ipswich will win the CC SS11, purely to spite Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I apologise Anon, but to be fair it's hard to tell you all apart. Peace Bruvva ;)

    ReplyDelete
  149. mornin' Lads. This is all getting very confusing. Could the "anons" please identify themselves in an anonymous kind of way? Perhaps start each post with something along the lines of "I'm the bummer and shit anon" or "I'm the ManU anon", then, if another ManU anon shows up, he/she should say "I'm ManU anon the second"...it would be a big help.

    ReplyDelete
  150. mr, I've only just posted (10.40) so I think you were quite correct. If you're the Blackpool fan then yes peace....until the week end at least :-)

    And I'm not really anon, I just can't be bothered to sign in.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Starfire said...

    Well if Arsene sticks with his kids and gets dumped out of the CC now I think he'll be out of job come next season.

    He won't, they will, he will.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Okay, cool Anon, your not Anon.You can be :-
    'I just can't be bothered to sign in' Anon, as Trotts suggestion.

    Where's the Anon that's going to kick us all in? I'm freezing I could do with one to warm me up. It's horrible to admit it though as I'm a northerner and am dan saff.

    Oh! and Anon 'I just can't be bothered to sign in'. You wouldn't be the first to underesetimate the tangerines this season. You might be lucky though as we may play a weakened side as we have bigger fish to fry next weekend at Stoke.

    Not that any side is a 'weakened' side you understand.

    ReplyDelete
  153. IJCBBTSIanon, if Bolton won at West Ham and ManU got thumped there and Blackpool and Bolton drew, then on form, it should be a comfortable tangerine dream win.

    ReplyDelete
  154. G'day all

    I treat all Un**ed fans as anon... apart from 1 or 2 of the respectable ones... you know who I mean.

    ReplyDelete
  155. I would never under estimate (separate words mr) the mighty tangerines, especially after last night and yes trotter with that logic RBA would indeed be correct, no-one (where is he now?) would win the prem.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Trott,

    good suggestion re labeling the various anons in a descriptive and indentifiable way.

    I can really see it catching on.

    I mean, there must be great potential in shortening the long descriptions down a shorter, easy to remember identifier that would allow the addressee and the addresser to know who said what to whom and all the confusion will be a thing of the past.

    a 'moniker' or a 'name' if you will.


    Genius, is what it is.

    ReplyDelete
  157. http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/anon.htm

    ReplyDelete
  158. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  159. Thats great Anonymous, I particulary liked :-

    'It's a well-known biological fact that if your parents had no children, it's very likely that you won't either.'

    Your not 'Anon' though, your Anonymous, so you are but an essence, a fragment if you wish, of memory of a once forgettable man. You and your brethren flit and flout across the universe (beatles style) and wherever you don't lay your hat thats not your home.

    Blackpool 2 - Un**ed 1

    ReplyDelete
  160. anybody see M. Diara refusing to come on as a sub despite Moronhio's 'requests'?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dZoXVzv0G8

    Not so special apparently.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Heavyweight Audley Harrison has decided to continue boxing despite his heavy defeat by David Haye in the world-title fight in Manchester on 13 November.
    ------------------------------------

    Having seen the his "fight" with David Haye I thought he'd given up boxing before he got in the ring.

    ReplyDelete
  162. im not sure a fat lad would make a very good hammer, robbo. a punchbag maybe. audley harrisons punchbag if you liked him, hayes if you didnt.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has stunned the club's board by insisting he will not sign any new players in the January transfer window.
    Full story: The Sun
    ----------
    liar? fool? both?

    ReplyDelete
  164. TrotterUSA said...
    anon de plume, so to speak!

    -------

    a pseudanonym

    ReplyDelete
  165. 3 in a BOOOOIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  166. Prince William, David Cameron and David Beckham -now it's the Brokeback Bid. The Africans wont like that.

    ReplyDelete
  167. !!!!!GGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIoooooooooooBBBBBBBB

    ReplyDelete
  168. Well so much for picking VdV last week ...he's definitely out for the game vs Brum ...Arsenal fans can curse me though ... I've picked up Arshavin.

    ReplyDelete
  169. Bonjour.

    Followed last nights Arsenal game via live text, that sux balls, but better then nothing. Now gotta scour the internet for highlights or do the unthinkable and watch the football league show tonight.

    How did IOU do?

    ReplyDelete
  170. Looks like you've got a nasty case of own player hoodoo, Star.
    I'd advise you draught in Bale and Defoe.

    ReplyDelete
  171. NORM.


    (Just wanted to do that. In memory of RBA)

    ReplyDelete
  172. Hi Spit.

    We need to send out a searchparty to the garrison town.

    Look out for a guy with 2 young girls and a lad, wearing an Aldershot shirt, carrying a manuscript of the Woes, towards his pie shaped house.

    Should be easy easy enough to find.

    ReplyDelete
  173. David Beckham has turned down the chance to join Everton on loan from Los Angeles Galaxy. The 35-year-old midfielder played with Toffees manager David Moyes at Preston in 1995.
    Full story: talkSPORT

    Played with?? Ooo-er!!!

    ReplyDelete
  174. Bolton will vie with Italian giants Juventus in January for the signature of Schalke's out-of-favour 22-year-old Croatian midfielder Ivan Rakitic.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    -----
    Sounds like a geezer with a dodgy heart.

    ReplyDelete
  175. H heehee

    Are they also planning to sign Ivan Tapacemakar

    ReplyDelete
  176. Blogs, Chelsea will be looking to get Dick Head in to replace those who are injured.

    ReplyDelete
  177. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Arthur Rightus will be signed to help Arsenal's defencive problems.

    ReplyDelete
  179. H - but Anelka already plays for them.

    In other developments,

    Ex-Chelsea coach Ray Wilkins resolves dispute with club
    :............
    How much?

    ReplyDelete
  180. Roman Abramovich wants to replace Carlo Ancelotti with little known Turkish manager Mustapha Screwloose.

    ReplyDelete
  181. Fuck no, not another Ivan. Next they'll be telling us Ivan Hoe is on his way to the Reebok.

    ReplyDelete
  182. you know H, all this speculation and conjecture upsets my stomach, Ivana Trump could be next

    ReplyDelete
  183. Better open a window then mate.
    But not here, it's ruddy freezing out, have I mentioned how much I fuckin hate snow?

    ReplyDelete
  184. Sunderland boss Steve Bruce fears that "mollycoddled" Premier League stars are in danger of losing their hunger to succeed.
    Full story: Daily Star
    ----
    He should be greatful.

    Why else would a player sign for Sunderland?

    ReplyDelete
  185. I can't believe Audley Harrison is carrying on, and actually blaming the ref for the decision! because he 'was zoning in on Haye's rhythm'. Someone needs a word with him for his own health.

    Chucklesome comments though on 606:-
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/F19587418?thread=7914866&show=50

    Maybe you could be his next fight Anon? Not the Man U Anon, the one fixated with shit and arses.
    Not that your not fixated with shit and arses Anon (nothing wrong with it), it's just the other Anon is a proven, what was it Robbo? a.......Copraphiliac I think. Where are you scat boy?

    ReplyDelete
  186. There are indeed some funny comments on that thread MR.

    Well done sir, you have found signs of intellegent life on 606, something that has only been speculated on in the past. Check your mail box for your Darwin award nomination.

    ReplyDelete
  187. This global warming malarkey is proving to be a bitter fucking disappointment

    ReplyDelete