Wednesday, 4 May 2011

The End of Mourinho?

A Robbo Robson Exclusive

Reports coming in from UEFA are suggesting that special operatives from UEFA have, following extensive and meticulous covert surveillance, found and killed Josama bin Mourinho.

Mourinho, whose whereabouts was not shared with Castillian secret intelligence for fear of a leak, was found cowering behind his pizza margherita with extra jalapenos in a hotel room not far from Las Ramblas in Barcelona’s city centre.

'Don't look at the eyes, boys, don't look at the eyes!'

He was unarmed but officers were obliged to avoid the monster’s glare and wear protective earpieces should his sultry sneers for mercy convert them instantly into Special Ambassadors for his mission.

For a long time now UEFA (Upholders of European Football Artistry) have waged a clandestine war on the one they call The Special One. He has been the Beautiful Game’s Public Enemy Number One, Football’s Most Wanted and Least Loved, a man who is the ultimate in Ends Justifying The Means.

Mourinho’s ability to escape capture has been one of the great mysteries of modern sport. He is rumoured to have traversed great distances in any number of modes, and once passed through several banks of security in a laundry basket. (Admittedly the baskets at Chelsea need to be enormous given the amount of dirty laundry they get through each week). It is said that Mourinho once travelled from London to Milan in a flight powered entirely by his own ego.

While much of the evidence of Mourinho’s misdemeanours is anecdotal at best, there are many who put down their demise to the overweaning influence of the Portuguese-born translator. Referees have felt compelled to retire, and voyeurs have fervently felt the need to defend themselves.

Members of FC Barcelona have also been victimised. Sergio Busquets has been so manipulated by Jose’s Special Forces that he seems to feel every scratch, tug and nudge by an opposition player through his face. It is thought that this condition has led to cerebral damage that may have turned him into a racist shit. (Certainly Emmanuel Adebayor, a Mourinho aide, seemed to think so when he was sent on an assassin’s mission last night. Personally I was on his side although having said that, it’s not as if the Madrilenos aren’t averse to the odd monkey chant when it suits them.)

Then there’s Javier Mascherano, a fearsome man renowned for his power and malice that a Mourinho operative reduced to the role of writhing soap queen yesterday evening. Rumours are that the Masch spent the evening on Monserrat Caballe’s washing line though he rejects the idea that he is that big a girl’s blouse.

Image from a grim pro-Josama website

Mourinho has maintained that the Catalan capacity for fakery is not of his making. Indeed sources at Real Madrid are said to be pushing for an investigation into the whole structure of FC Barcelona. They have recommended that a special commission be headed up by Lord Scarman in the full expectation that he will find the Masters of Magical Footy guilty of ‘institutional simulation’.

While few share Moaninho’s beliefs, he has insisted that his failure to win every European competition he has ever entered is down to a conspiracy. When UEFA has been unable to defeat him, they have invented victories from goals of a paranormal nature, made members of his crack squad ‘disappear’ early in proceedings to face the water torture of the ‘early bath’ or forced him to squeeze into uncomfortable corners from whence he has had to communicate in more inventive ways.

Even then, UEFA have been powerless to prevent him from using such cutting-edge technology as the I-pad, the mobile telephone and even, fiendishly, a notepad and pen.

There are some mainstream sympathisers with the arch criminal’s view that diving divas need to be punished. If UEFA really wanted to deal with this they could view video evidence and start suspending the pimping plungers here and now. To the average man in the street – and I’m nothing if not that – it seems such an obvious and fair policy that even Nick Clegg would have difficulty reneging on it.

Central to the mission to destroy Mourinho has of course been the match they call El Crappico. El Naffico is a long-held tribal dispute somewhere in the fictional confederacy of states known as ‘Spain’. It is Moronho’s belief that the forces of evil are reined to the cause of the Catalans.

In particular he has sought to blame the organisation known as Unicef, which as everyone now knows, stands for the Unfeasibly Naughty Institute for Cheating Embryonic Footballers. There is circumstantial evidence that for years now Barcelona has been flooding its training camps with tiny schoolboys who for the first year are trained in dodgy play-acting and the second year learn how to do a triple twist with pike and tuck. Even the stadium’s name ‘Nou Camp’ translates as the ‘New Theatrical’.

Mourinho attempts to lure a young boy away from the Camp Nou

Of course Maureenio’s contempt for Barca may also derive from the first time he ever translated Bobby Robson at the Nou Camp. (And, bless Sir Bob, but it’d been nice if Jose had worked as a translator for the old fella when he was England gaffer too.)

Whatever the source of his malice and menace there seems to be little international outcry at Jose’s demise. UEFA have however been unforthcoming with photographic evidence of the end of the Special One and counter-conspiracy theorists are even now suggesting that the dark lord will rise again. Indeed to my certain knowledge he’s been seen driving a cab in Stockton-on-Tees.

In the meantime Barcelona officials have distanced themselves from exuberant celebrations on the streets of Barcelona. They have insisted that allegations of improper conduct by their representatives are completely unfounded and - well, it’s thought unlikely that we will witness any more third-rate Hollyoaks style tizzy fits from them in the final. Especially if Scholes plays as the Ginger Ninja always leaves plenty of evidence on the thigh of an opponent to make play-acting unnecessary.

Me? Were it not for Messi and Iniesta (another serial diver, mind) I wouldn’t care too much for Barca at the mo. Still they’ll be up against United. And they’ll beat ‘em. As for the Moochinho? Beware the second coming.

277 comments:

  1. woohoo first AND pictures of Jose - thank you Robbo

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  2. Driving a cab in Stockton - no mate - that was me - Vote Early Vote Often :)

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  3. Maureens in competition with SAF for the prize tit award

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  4. the ultimate in Ends Justifying The Means

    Followed by Steve MacLaren???

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  5. I love mourinho!!! the guy is class!!!!
    i love robbo more! not gay! CFC for life

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  6. I don't often admit this (especially to Mr BHB)
    I may have been wrong yesterday when I said things don't get much better than the sun shining, VB available in Tescos, me & Jose in a holding cell but ...

    now a whole blog devoted to The Special One (with photos) - all I need now is for Schalke to thrash Manpoo tonight, us to beat them on Sunday and possibly a very large win on the lottery would complete my happiness

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  7. I hate united and that turd faced asshole ferguson!

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  8. I couldn't have said it better myself Keegan. I'd love it, love it if Chelsea beat them.

    Cracking blog Robbo. It's weird how people's perceptions of Barcelona are gradually changing. For the last few seasons they've been the footie version of Lucy Pinder - very easy on the eye. But there's a certain je ne sais quoi that seems to be creeping out of the Nou Camp that has started getting up people's noses, and they've become very Gail Platt - very hard on the gag reflex.

    Come on Schalke!

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  9. If your life depended on it, and you had to chose between the two, which one would you shag - Gail Platt or Deirdre Barlow?

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  10. Deirdre: Because she is fictional.

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  11. Good blog Robbo:

    Barca, the more people watch them play, the more I wonder how they can be 'fans'

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  12. Nice one Robbo.
    Im getting pretty sick of all this Arselona love in and its about time there was a backlash. Being Leeds i have to hate ManUre, obviously, but id still rather see the Puce saggy scrotum faced Taggart lift the Chumps League trophy than that lot from Spain

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  13. Haha, nice blog Robbo.
    Moaninho is to be blamed for Josama's downfall. Sad really.

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  14. I'm sorry but every time Mourinho goes out of a competition a hissy fit ensues. Whilst I do think he is great entertainment value and a great manager, the one thing he cannot handle is that Barca are a better side than any side he has managed. They may fall over, but so does his star man Ronaldo as does Di Maria. The fact is diving is aproblem in Spain, Real dive as do Barca, only Barca are a brilliant football team when they need to be as well.

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  15. Good stuff Robbo, another instant classic.

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  16. There was a time not so long ago when the sight of Barca dismantling other so called "teams" at will was a delight to behold, but The Special One has reminded us, and rightly so, that football is supposedly a contact sport. Barca's demeaning reaction to being kicked up in the air is not to simply play the oafs off the park (Messi aside), but to fall over before they've even been touched. It's got to the stage now where, I'd love it, love it, if Vidic, Pauly Pauly Scholes, etc would kick a few of them over-tanned jessies up in the air before their inevitable sendings off.
    Utd to lose the final 3-0 and end up with 9 men. What odds could I get on that? Barca hoist the cup aloft to a resounding chorus of boos, me included, and I'm not even a Utd fan.
    Ah, feel better now - back to work....

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  17. Luke Cloherty said...


    The fact is diving is a problem in Spain, Real dive as do Barca, only Barca are a brilliant football team when they need to be as well.
    ---

    That's the whole problem Luke. If they're so great then why the need to cheat? The "gamesmanship" is just terrible to watch. Masscherano, Busquets and Pedro should be sanctioned and Dani Alves needs to be chopped up into little pieces and fed to performing dolphins whose rolling and diving around actually has some entertainment value.

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  18. barca are bloody robots out of stepford, just too good to be interesting

    theres something very boring about perfection, aint there? who wants to watch someone playing on a Playstation?

    blood and guts, mistakes, drama, lunatics, own goals these things i enjoy. i bet they dont even sell pies at the nou camp. is there a dress code for fans? cant wait until they cant find footballers skilfull enough to fit the template anymore (and it will happen)

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  19. It really is a sad day when the supposedly best footballing team on the planet start pushing the neutral supporter towards the dark side.

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  20. They probably sell Pie-lla, Blogs

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  21. if chinless gail had Deidrie's wattled turkeyneck she'd need a bookmark to find her collar

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  22. H - i know they sell beatle band-breaker and inscrutable pseud, joko onono's favourite spanish pie pun perfect fussy little pastry dish, pie-onono

    phew. had to google long and hard for that obscure pie-alike

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  23. H2H - Sorry, but endless tippy-tappy, ouch I've hurt my hair just doesn't do it for me. We want some good old fashioned hobnail-booted centre half thuggery, now!
    OK, I exaggerate, but being long enough in the tooth to remember the 70s, when the likes of Best, Marsh, McKenzie, etc had to use skill to get past the likes of Hunter, Cooper...erm most of Leeds Utd actually, Smith etc, occasionally failing and being felled by literally bone crunching tackles, and never rolling about like fairies with no centre of gravity was far more entertaining imo. Reminds me of the Coliseum....

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  24. I too want looking for obscure references, yet found none, it was a bit like flogging a (Tony Soprano) dead horse, Pie O My.

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  25. Looks like I'll be supporting United then. Hell I'd even take Citeh over Barca these days. Anyone just to put those fuckers in their place, screaming and crying like a bunch of girls after losing the Champs League final.

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  26. yep go uni...

    go unit...

    go unite...

    no cant do it

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  27. Roger T, I like my tippy tappy with a bit of blood and guts mixed in too. I also remember teams rolling around in mud baths in the late 70's, not so sure I'd wanna see that again though.

    ------
    Seems like once again we'll be treated to the choice between a poo sandwich or a glass of warm piss at Wembley this year. (which ironically was exactly what that grounds catering tasted like in the late 70's)

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  28. Ah, the smell of partially cooked synthetic "meat" products and warm fizzy drinks, the young lad sniffs the air as he shuffles on the terrace to avoid the stream of piss descending from the back, where the skinheads stand...takes you back does it not?

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  29. Poo sandwich or warm piss - which is Man Utd perchance?

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  30. Defietly Poo Sandwich, because their fans are so full of shit.

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  31. And the Barca players were definetly extracting the urine with all their playacting over the two legs, more then enough to fill a glass I'd say.

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  32. ..and it would be warm, coming from Spain...I really must do some work now...

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  33. Derby are lining up a shock move for Manchester United striker Michael Owen after manager Nigel Clough said he wanted "six or eight players, with at least one 'biggish' signing" over the summer.
    -------
    I wonder who the "biggish' signing" will be?

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  34. Barcelona - more passes than a moron on mastermind

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  35. and with those three words "New Blog Up" the course of the day and history are changed.

    Mornin' lads and lass, great stuff Robbo.

    Before the weekend few people knew of Abbotabad, similarly with Islamabad and Faisalabad. But we’ve known Westhamabad for most of the season…..

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  36. Don't you mean come on Poo Sandwich? or as it's known in the east, Tasteabad.

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  37. Holloway2Holland said...

    Don't you mean come on Poo Sandwich?
    -------------

    Would that be instead of the mayonnaise?

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  38. great blog robbo shames theres not a blog awards 'cause that one deserves to win something(unlike the nancy barcalonettes) if this is the spectacle of club football how long before tiddlywinks becomes the most popular sport worldwide(but professionalism will probably ruin that sport as well)

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  39. I called in to see a mate down south on Sunday
    He suffers from dyslexia.
    He was covering his dick with boot polish.
    I said, "You idiot! Your supposed to turn your clock back."

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  40. What is all this anti Barcelona chat going on in here. How can anyone, other than Un**ed fans, anglophiles and flag wavers go for Un**ed against Barca.... I'll let you into a little secret. I hate Un**ed, there I've said it. I would support any team that plays against them... even Celtic... errr maybe not but probably.

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  41. Barman? Glass of warm piss for Mr JanglesOfOz

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  42. Mike, no barman here would serve anything warm but I'll be in your country in a few months time you can order it for me then.

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  43. watched Stewart lee do a 30 min routine on crisps except it was really about a giant moth

    I live on crisps or I don't but I would if I didn't know it would kill me. The life giving properties of salt and vinegar would be countermanded by the debilitating effects of cheese and onion

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  44. I have to admit to being partial to crisps myself Blog, any flavours. They are a bit differentr to how I remember them when I lived there. A packet of Smith's Chips would contain a small bag of salt. which gave you the option of two flavours, plain or salted.

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  45. Don't get me started on crisps - my life was settled with the British colour codes for bags. Cheese and Onion are blue, salt and vinegar and green, my favourite prawn cocktail are pink, etc.

    But not these Aussies. Oh no, imagine my disgust when I stocked up on pink packeted crisps only to discover they were salt and vinegar. Luckily I'm quite partial to them also, but I made a similar mistake next time I went to the shop and got some green ones, only to discover they were babrbecue. What's that all about?

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  46. You can still get them Bo, little blue packet of consumer choice delight...usually. Every now and again you'll get a bag without the salt packet in and you'll empty all the crisps on the floor looking for it and smash them all into the carpet in outrage thatthe food processing industry IN THIS DAY AND AGE still can't reliably guarantee a process to introduce small blue bags of salt inside a larger bag if unsalted crisps.

    Noel I know what you mean mate. Green is the internationally recognised colour for s&v until about 10 yrs ago smiths consistently broke ranks - their s&v was blue, their c&o green. This earned them a reputation SS the perverted deviants of the crisp manufacturing world already hinted at by their occasional random omission if salt from their salt and shake crisps do they went bust or got bought out by walkers - a far inferior crisp IMHO.

    Kettle crisps are so delicious I darent buy them.

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  47. Oooh. Kettle chips. Cracked black pepper and sea salt, or sea salt and balsamic vinegar. A whole bag, washed down with a cool, crisp lager, and I'd be happy. Simple things for simple minds.

    Possibly the biggest problem with living in the Falklands is that food is normally close to, or out of date. Nothing is worse than buying a bag of crisps only to discover that they're out of date and are soggy or chewy.

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  48. Kettle are without doubt the kings of crisps. Any flavours once again, although I think I like the chilli ones best.

    I agree Noel, they have to be crisp.

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  49. there was a time when that little blue packet wasn't a packet, it didn't have the heat sealed edges of the form fill seal process, it was a little blue piece of paper folded around the salt, folded I tell you, by the skilled and trained digits of a real British crisp factory worker with a white hair net and a fag hanging from her gob.

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  50. thats my nan youre talking about there, trott, she used to eat her own body weight in crisps every 3 days, or she would have done if she worked in a crisp factory. she didnt. she used to make them at home in a crofter's cottage with no running water but a good supply of home-grown spuds. her crisps were famous, you either loved them or hated them. when times were hard she used to shave the hard skin off the bottom of my uncles feet to bulk out the contents of the packets. and that little blue twiz was filled with cocaine during the great Salt Shortages of the 1950s. her crisps tasted revolting but sold well for some reason. ah them were the days, they werent its not real, unfortunately she spent the last 15 years of her life as a Crisp Baron in holloway prison as no-one believed her alibi.

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  51. as I took that little stroll along memory lane Blog, I did ponder what part your Nan might have played in the history of the crisp. Now it all makes sense. I suppose she missed the end of the potato famine? Did she by any chance get deported to Holland upon her release?

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  52. http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/oddballs/862338-fc-kairat-player-banned-for-life-over-astonishing-kung-fu-kick

    incredible! wait for the slow-motion replay.

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  53. fc karate, trott? what did they expect?

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  54. my nan caused the potato famine, trott by turning the countrys entire potato crop into crisps with experimental flavours like peat and onion and garlic and guinness and no one would eat them. all the country's salt and vinegar crisps were taken out of the country under armed guard for the enjoyment of english absentee landlords (lachrymose feminist slaphead songstress sinead oconnor told me that)

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  55. There are some footballers (quite inexplicably) that are allergic to grass.

    and then there is this guy
    http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/05052011/2/den-haag-keeper-coutinho-convicted-growing-cannabis.html

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  56. Did she sing 'Nothing Compares To Your Nan', Blog

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  57. a version of that trott - "nothing compares to pickled onion monster munch"

    ive obtained an exclusive interview with the legendary RBA...

    Me : faviurite flavour?
    RBA : Pie and dart flavour

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  58. There are rumours eminating from across the pond that I may be Blog's nan.
    I strongly refute and deny these allergations and I'm willing to take a polygraph, polyfiller or a polly wanna cracker test to prove my innocence, although I'll refuse to answer any questions on the alledged containts of those so called salt sachets.
    Any futher questions or queries (tee hee) my be directed to my attorney

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  59. is there a little blue packet of iron filings in every bag?

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  60. Spit.

    That story's been doing the rounds for the last few years, almost everyone in The Hague knew his dad sold good gear.
    I suppose as a keeper it's better to have green fingers rather then butter fingers.

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  61. is that why Van der Sar wants an allotment back home when he retires?

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  62. Allotment?

    He could probably buy the whole of Brabant.

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  63. Cricket chiefs fear the opening Test match between England and Sri Lanka in Cardiff at the end of the month could be played in an empty ground if Swansea and Cardiff make it to the Championship play-off final on the same bank holiday weekend.
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ----
    Whose bright idea was it to play an England test match in Wales anyway?

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  64. English and Welsh cricket board... but yeah yoo be right......

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  65. somebody told them that there's a massive Sri Lankan population in Wales that don't give a shit about footie.

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  66. And a massive Welsh population that are shit at footy.

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  67. they can probably count on a nice fresh post-match lamb curry though.

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  68. I was always lead to believe that they used sheep for other purposes rather then as food around those parts, Trott.

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  69. dunno that I can stand behind that suggestion H.

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  70. I know I wouldn't let them stand behind me Trott.

    In other news, who'se gonna be in charge of the weekends top of the table clash

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  71. Ah the little blue bag of salt not to be confused with the little blue bag of starch my mum used.

    I liked Nibbits

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  72. BBC sport: gay to make Manchester comeback.
    Imagine my surprise when it wasn't about Gary Neville "coming out" of retirement.

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  73. so... http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-13278255

    we hiccup because we're lizards and we have a philtrum because we're part fish. scientists just make this shit up dont they. what a load of bollocks - just goes to show you can prove anything with facts.

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  74. Agreed blog,

    they dont know what they are talking about.

    read an article on BBC last week that apparently, people can score higher on their IQ test if they are bothered to try.


    some of the things they find , out...

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  75. and I kid you not, there's even a research that found out, women who are trying to get pregnant, have a higher chance of achieving their goal if they have sex more often.

    Imagine people getting paid to carry out this 'research study' and being called scientists, on top of all the fun.

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  76. IQ tests are a load of bollox.

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  77. Wouldn't mind putting my name down to test out that pregnancy test though Spit.

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  78. Bo,

    I hate to be the one to break it out you but I am afraid you cant get pregnant regardless of how many time you engage in the activity...

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  79. But of course, this is a brave new world, you do have the right to attempt to get pregnant.

    (like this fellow http://youtu.be/sFBOQzSk14c)

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  80. Spit, do you enjoy being the bearer of bad news?

    Maybe I can put my name down as volunteer to sire the little bastards then.

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  81. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/3565410/Alex-Ferguson-has-told-Ian-Holloway-he-will-play-himself-if-Manchester-United-wrap-up-the-title-early.html#ixzz1LY5qbyh2

    Got to see that. Old man Fergie lining up against Blackpool. Never happen though.

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  82. "FIFA alarmed by global match-fixing threat"

    finally they're taking Mourinho's claims about barca and UNICEF seriously

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  83. Watch and Listen and feedback to Robbo please.
    http://bit.ly/jMQWPO

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  84. United
    Nations
    International
    Cheatingteam,
    European
    Football division.

    He may just be onto something. How else would Barca possibly be able to beat him or Arsenal?

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  85. Feedback.

    Not too bad a video, although too many pictures of feminine hygene products, terrible song, sung badly.

    Sorry.

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  86. In the intrest of fairness and to avoid a knee jerk reaction I gave it another watch/listen.

    Same conclusion I'm afraid.

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  87. Liked it Robbo. Pic of my hero mark e smith alone guarantees it will never sell. He's so ugly it chapped the lips of the frantically talking mouth on my notI!Phone

    Harmless ditty with good pics

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  88. mornin' all, good song/lyrics Robbo but the tune is too fuckin happy, it needs a kick-arse heavy metal band to deliver that message!

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  89. curse of Robbo in league 2 ... vale millers and gills just missing out, aldershot too

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  90. Jim gannon is the fucking anti Christ look what you've done you useless cunt

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  91. Do french people say " 'scuse my english" (but then in froggy) when they use profinity?

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  92. Wouldn't write the Gills off yet Blogs. Ah who am I kidding? They'll revert to form and become a fucking bunch of bottlers once again.

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  93. the Jim gannon of British politics - nick clegg - has destroyed his party and as the lib den votes on Scotland have all transferred to the SNP, there is now a real chance that Scotland will be independent within 5 years.

    That would be kind of sad, wouldn't it, but with definite comic potential

    They'd be rolling in sporans with revenues from the north sea for 20 years then we'd have a demographically dwindling Haiti of drug abuse and voodoo porridge addicts on our doorstep and we'd have to -sigh- invade again for their own good

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  94. you busy at the mo, star, you're not around so much these days?

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  95. I liked the tune Robbo. Political, yet with a reggae vibe - kind of like The Specials. I may be way off with that assessment, as I don't really know what I'm talking about.

    Come on Chelsea!

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  96. majorca has apologised to the Jews for the Spanish inquisition

    when are they going to apologise for those fuckin club 18/30 holidays

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  97. did liam ever get to build himself a house out of platicene?

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  98. Tragically, I don't think he's realised that dream yet blogidy. Although he has sniffed it through a cane on a supersonic train.

    Alledgedly.

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  99. Sounds like it may be time to add a few more courses of bricks to Hadrian's Wall Blog.

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  100. No points deduction means QPR will be once again in the top flight next season. Robbo, if you see the Shephards Mush then please pass on my congratulations.

    Ofcourse also promoted is Norwich (great achievement btw) I wonder if this will mean that less of their fans will be hanging around Old Trafford next season?

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  101. Paul Lambert is a top manager, h. I saw him when he was at Colchester u. And he transformed them . They're shit again now of course, no offence, colch.

    Weird that themes now 8 premiership managers from Glasgow.

    I see Robbie savage is going out with a grace he never showed in the footballer pitch. You ain't heard the last of him - he's a good pundit

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  102. mornin' lads, RIP Seve.

    Paul Lambert for Man U campaign starts right here, right now!

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  103. So QPR are back in the Premier League. well done.

    Another bunch of money bags? But they are all a bunch of such likeable blokes, innit.

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  104. QPR money bag funded by Laxmi Mittal - the King of Steel manufacturing units in the world.

    Cant we have a mandate that only 1 Indian owned team can be in top flight divison of premierleague?

    Seriously, I'd like to see chicken owners Blackburn relegated but dont think it might happen.

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  105. 1521: Breaking news: QPR have confirmed they have been fined £875,000 by the Football Association over the transfer of Alejandro Faurlin.

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  106. St Pauli lose 8-1 at home to Bayern,and are relegated, never mind, they are still having a party, thats the nature and culture of this club

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  107. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  108. Well done to QPR and their manager, even tho Colin Wanker lived upto his name when he played for the Millers

    Another charcter to replace Ollie perhaps

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  109. Ouch!!!!

    That was a terrible tackle from Adam on Bale.

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  110. Not even a card?!?!?!?!

    The FA need to sort this shit out.

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  111. Tittin hell Tangerines those 3 points could'a kept us up.

    I heard that tackle on Bale was bad H2H, the radio commentators said the ref was wrong side of player to see it properly and they reckon it's a serious injury too.

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  112. Well, Robbie Savage goes out in style. Shakespearian style anyway. I, for one (maybe the only one), will miss him. He was never a great footballer but he made the best of what he had. He gave his all every match, which is a lot more than can be said for many of the prima donna's that grace the football field today.

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  113. Oh Tottenham. Tottenham, Tottenham, Tottenham. What's the matter with you? Everton do us a massive favour, and we do what we do best - nothing. We badly need a top striker. We badly need a keeper who is less prone to howlers. And something seems to be wrong behind the scenes at the moment. I think we need the end of the season to arrive fast, then let the players and staff take a break from it all. I think they need it.

    And in other news, come on Chelsea!!! Huge game tonight. Whoever wins, I think will win the title. A draw would be a shite result.

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  114. That was a really bad tackle H2. Adam was so late with it, you have to wonder if he meant to injure Bale.

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  115. I'm amazed that he's made it this far into the season without being kicked off the pitch Bo. Hopefully this incident will go some way to changing 'Arry's mind about trying to buy Adam in the summer. We don't need him.

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  116. What is it with Spurs players being taken out by horrific tackles and the offenders getting jack shit done to them for it? Adam's tackle was every bit as bad as Flamini's was the other month.

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  117. Pep vs SAF after the match?

    (most hilarious bloody awful fight scene ever)

    http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=t6c5fAPRAcg

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  118. Star, when anyone complains about it they are told to take it like a man... if you want to take thuggery out of football you need to get rid of the thugs.

    It's about time Wenger admitted we have a problem in defence. It's like being an alcoholic, if you don't admit to having a problem you wont be able to fix it.

    Wilshire's hot headedness is going to end up causing him problems. His tackles at time border on maniacal. How he wasn't booked early in the match I'll never know.

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  119. Not sure about that link Blog... bugger all about SAF or Pep Guardiola there.

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  120. Aye, easy for them to say though Bo, that is until they get their legs broken by such a piss poor tackle.

    On another note, Gills, well done, you've thoroughly earned your 'We Are Fucking Bottlers Incarnate' end of season award.

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  121. The O's had a great win to end the season but it wasn't enough to get them to the playoffs, missing out by a point.

    GO CHELSEA

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  122. I'm guessing Djorou is going to become a curse word at The Emirates now. And I though we had some twattish defenders.

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  123. 2-1 United full time. Better get some red bows on the PL trophy then.

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  124. Ah another shite day of footy.

    highlight: Stoke fans booing Ramsey.

    sick.

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  125. My thoughts at the time too Spit, fuck knows what they would have done had it been Ramsey that had put in the tackle.

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  126. Remember the looney Whitley Bay?

    They just won the fa vase again, vs the olde enemy Coalville

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  127. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  128. At least Wolves got a good win to get them out of the relegation zone for now. After this weekend, I'd like to see Blackpool go down, although Blackburn would be better.

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  129. Whitley bay won again? It's a ferkin fix. Robbo, did you ever go and watch Whitley Bay as requested some moons past?

    Well done Fergie and all!

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  130. Weekend football?? What is that? Lets call curtains on the season... :(

    Arsenal and Chelsea did a huge community service this season in gifting the trophy to Man U.

    Well done to SAF and his boys on the record 19th.

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  131. Nuri Sahin, one of the finest midifielders in BL has transfered to Real Madrid, for have a guess.... 12 million Euro.

    Good, Good buy.

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  132. Bluddy 'ell,

    Wenger admitted Arsenal played rubbish.

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  133. http://www.goal.com/en/news/1717/editorial/2011/05/06/2473567/what-borussia-dortmund-have-that-arsenal-lack-lessons-the
    -----------------
    A few fair comments. But I think comparison of 2 teams from diff leagues in not justified. I'd compare our performance to that of Man U's this season and it is very clear that our home form let us down this season.

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  134. Arsenal > Dortmund. Everytime.

    Yes Dortmund are worthy champions of Germany but they'd struggle to finish 4th in England. Arsenal played almost twice as many matches in double the competitions and sure they won nadda because they did not deserve to win anything but they did deserve to get close to it, which they did.

    Bayern suffered because most of their squad was involved heavily in the WC and Dortmund won the league because their keeper + central defenders were more consistent over the season.

    Coincidently, thats exactly what got United the League this season.

    If there was one man who could claim to ManU's 19th title, its Edwin van der Saar.

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  135. Blimey, where is everyone?

    At least I have had an excuse as my keyboard as been waterlogged due to excess drool since this blog has been up.

    I should say well done to ManPoo but I won't cos I don't mean it.

    Anyone else about?

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  136. im busy working on an eternal life project, bells. im determined to live forever or die trying

    aresenal fans! "Until Ye beate Stoke, never shall Ye champions be"

    (21 goals conceded from set pieces/highest in prem...18 from open play...lowest in prem...doesnt take a genius...)

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  137. hot weather rightly reduces the flow of inane comments on here, bhb

    Laters

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  138. Well said Spit about Van Der Saar, was about time someone said it.
    how good has he been this year! If only we (Arsenal) had him in goal, we could have won it,
    (mind you we could have won it at a canter if we did a proper switch and ManPoo had one of our keepers in goal) :D

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  139. well said Anonymous, about time somebody said how well thought Spit's comments are.

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  140. Can I just say how heartily approve of you beautiful insight Trott, in commending Anon for his praise of spits wonderful comment complimenting van Der sar on his ability to kiss SAF full on the butt cheeks

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  141. And give yourself a round of applause Blogs for keeping the running gag, well, eh, running.

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  142. H, I'd just like to say that your praise of Blog's praise of my praise of Anon's praise of Spit's praise of Van Der Sar is highly praiseworthy.

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  143. it wasn't meant to be a gag, guess we can always rely on you guys to turn a small bit of arse kissing into, well, a major and perpetual bit of arse kissing, haha

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  144. the tragedy in all this is that if Bolton had all Man U players, manager, coaching staff and tea lady, we'd probably have won the leage and made it to the CL final this year.

    Maybe next year, we're only 300 million quid away from glory.

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  145. Aye H, what could have been. We'll probably start the rebuilding with their tea lady!

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  146. Sure you can afford that mate?

    The chewing gum drawer on her tray must run in the millions.

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  147. she has the yellow juicy fruit or the green wrigleys spearmint allegedly!

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  148. As for Stoke v Arse, well, where do I start?

    Stoke aren't, and under Pubis probably never will be, a great footballing team, but fair play to them, what they do they do well, especially at home where their record speaks for itself.

    Once again Arsenal failed miserably and some of the players showed the "mental strength" of a retarded sheep who came bottom of his class (in special sheep school) Stoke just sat back and hit us on the set piece. To make things worse Stoke didn't even have to break a sweat, everytime one of our slappy tappy moves came to an end they just gave us the ball back confident in the knowledge that we had the penetration prowess of an impotent ant trying to have his way with a hippopotomus with a gynormous minge, it really wasn't worth the "effort".
    Their first goal was typical of our whole season. They got a free kick after being nowhere near our goal for the rest of the game, a cross came in and Jones was left unmarked to turn the ball into the net via his scrotum. We got a little bit unlucky with the second, but once we gave ourselves a lifeline the third went in and it was vintage Arsenal defending and too embarassing to really speak about.

    Wenger made some baffling changes at HT bringing on Bendy, who once again was shoved out on the left (I know he's not everybodys cup of tea, but he's always being played out of position) and Chamakh, who showed why he has fallen down the striker pecking order with a dismal performance. (WTF was that stepover about?)
    Young Jack was lucky to be on the field at the end of the game, that was the kind of blind lunge that I (and most Arsenal fans) moan about, it was not good to see and he needs to stamp that out of his game sharpish.

    During the game the commentator on Dutch tv, said something along the lines of; "If the home crowd put as much effort into supporting their team as they did aiming vile chants at the opposing mamager and booing of players (esp Ramsey) then their ground would have a great atmospere".
    To sum up, well done Stoke you deserved your win, shame that your supporters are such a rabble of knuckle dragging Neandramongs.

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  149. great analysis H :P

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  150. Cheers A.

    Time for a drink me thinks......


    OK, another drink then.

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  151. Irony of ironies. We always scoffed on here about Liverpool being a two man team. They are much much better without torres and gerrard. Ask fulham

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  152. you just wait Blog, when Stevie G gets back from injury and Torres comes back on loan, they'll be unbeatable!

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  153. Maybe they should just cash in on Stevie G, esp with the mix of youth and skill they have got now

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  154. ...and mancity willing to sign all the mediocre talent in the world

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  155. ... and the fulfillment of Rafa's silly wet dream- Gerrard and Barry running (metaphorically :P) the midfield

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  156. In port vales crowd the average IQ is 185

    At old Trafford its only 19

    ne-ne-ne 19

    None of them received a heroes welcome, none of them, none of them

    Ne-ne-ne, ne-ne-ne, none of them, none of them, none of them

    None of them received a hero's welcome

    None of them received a hero's welcome

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  157. unbeatable or unbearable trott?

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  158. In port vales crowd the average IQ is 185
    ===========================================

    Must be the day you attend Blog.

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  159. Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp reckons Manchester City's summer transfer targets will "blow your brains out".
    Full story: Daily Express

    ----

    Maybe they're thinking about signing Raoul
    (Moat that is, not the footballer)

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  160. bo - i missed out the decimal place. i meant 18.5, so youre probably right.

    bhb - man city just need to give balotelli a real gun instead of his air pistol...

    The Mysterious Case of the Porsche and the Misplaced Brains.

    The rain sodden Manunian streets were dark with something more than the night. Balotelli scratched his head and wondered where he'd left his brain. Homesick, he had tried to blow his own brains out but the pellet of his low powered .22 Daisy air gun, which looked to all the world like a Kalashnikov, passed through his ear and out the other hitting an apprentice. Then he remembered having taken his brain out, for safe keeping. Where had he put it?

    (SPOILER : It turns up in the ashtray of Jermaine Pennants porsche. Unfortunately Jermaine's own brain was in the "glove" or "brain" compartment and he forgot where he had parked it; in fact he forgot that he owned the car at at all.)

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  161. mornin' lads, that's it then, a few more weeks and Robbo'll be penning blogs on cricket and croquet from the caravan, Dubai and other points South as another summer of knotted hankies flutters by, interrupted only by, Fergie 4.0, the next generation of a re-hashed and youthful Man U team and their pre-season tour of Vietnam.

    Fore..........

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  162. TrotterUSA said...

    Bolton Nil
    Chelsea Fore..........

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  163. TrotterUSA said...

    mornin' lads, that's it then, a few more weeks and Robbo'll be penning blogs on cricket and croquet from the caravan, Dubai and other points South as another summer of knotted hankies flutters by, interrupted only by, Fergie 4.0, the next generation of a re-hashed and youthful Man U team and their pre-season tour of Vietnam.

    Fore..........
    ...skins?

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  164. Well Trotts didn't say that, I just did

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  165. TrotterUSA said...

    mornin' lads, that's it then, a few more weeks and Robbo'll be penning blogs on cricket and croquet from the caravan, Dubai and other points South as another summer of knotted hankies flutters by, interrupted only by, Fergie 4.0, the next generation of a re-hashed and youthful Man U team and their pre-season tour of Vietnam.

    Fore..........
    ...play?

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  166. Robbo's next may be F1 blog on how Hamilton lost his control over the steering and ran over Schumacher allowing Alonso to win the race.


    Wait thats not going to happen, Vettel is the future, Vettel is the present, Vettel is the new champion driver.

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  167. BLUEHELLSBELLS said...
    Well Trotts didn't say that, I just did
    -----------------------
    You just dreamed it Bells. Sadly it seems, your dreams do come true. And if Happy little blue bells fly, beyond the rainbow, why oh why can't you!

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  168. Trotts, the caravan's already been cleaned and buffed, what with all this frankly pointless good weather. North-Eastern drivers, prepare to queue behind us this weekend!
    Mr. Smart and me are preparing for another audio/podcast type of thingammy tomorrow.

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  169. Manchester United will not receive the Premier League trophy should they win the title this weekend.

    United need only one point from their final two games of the season to secure a record 19th league crown.

    The first of those matches is at Blackburn on Saturday, which ends just before the FA Cup final between Stoke and Manchester City starts at Wembley.

    BBC Sport understands that whatever the results this weekend, the trophy will be presented at the final game.

    ---

    what the fuck is that all about.

    Give the Champions their due and the trophy as is the tradition.

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  170. TrotterUSA said...

    And if Happy little blue bells fly, beyond the rainbow, why oh why can't you!

    ---

    Is that a very polite way of telling me to piss off?

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  171. no Bells, not at all, I was merely encouraging your dreams of thrashing Bolton at the Reebok!

    (Can't believe you would really contemplate the idea that I would ever tell you to "piss off", tut tut).

    Ride like the wind Robbo but check your tyre pressure first.

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  172. blogdignag said...
    Irony of ironies. We always scoffed on here about Liverpool being a two man team. They are much much better without torres and gerrard. Ask fulham
    -----
    Indeed, indeed. King Kenny has transformed them from a laughing stock into a force to be reckoned with, I wonder what would of happened if he had managed them from the start of the season.
    A Man City win tonight will leave them (L'pool)in fifth and Spurs in trouble. Ol Arry will 'ave a twitchy fit.

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  173. I like Kenny and especially the subtle way he always manages to let the interviewer know that at least one of his questions is fuckin' stupid.

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  174. Gomez is dropped ( I thought hsrry wanted to lose) a hand in a box is playing instead

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  175. Well done stoke qualifying for Europe. Let's see what the azerbaijanis make of the delapidator

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  176. Bloody hell SAF nearly went to manage arsenal

    http://m.dailymail.co.uk/mobile/sport/football/article.html?articleID=1385668

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  177. Evening all. According to Ian Botham he's worried about Alasdair Cook being the new England one day captain in case it affects his test form as "he's an important part of the best test team in the world". Does anyone know when Cook switched to playing for Inida?

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  178. Oh and i forgot to say........

    AdamPSB your FFL team SUCK DONKEY DICK!!!!!!!!!!

    Gracious as ever in victory as you can tell.

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  179. blogdignag said...
    Irony of ironies. We always scoffed on here about Liverpool being a two man team. They are much much better without torres and gerrard. Ask fulham

    -------------------------------

    Who is Torres blogs? Who needs torres when you have maxi eh? Not so many people now getting on our backs for believing in false messiahs now are there? With the team playing the way they are, and NESV ready to bankroll a few more transfers and Spurs hopefully overtaking us for the Europa spot, we are in with a good shot of getting a CL spot back next season.

    Still undecided about the Europa league spot. It obviously is the shittiest trophy to win, but just getting to 5th from where we were in december has got be a big confidence booster for the team.

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  180. Try telling Biringham or Stoke fans that the Europa league isn't worth the bother, the extra revenue from gates and tv alone makes it worthwhile, plus participatation means players will more likely want to join your club with the promiss of European football. I'm not saying that Spurs are going to do a Leeds, but failure to qualify for Europe next term will hit them hard, purse strings will be tightened and squad will be trimmed.

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  181. 11th May, 2011

    Dear Birmingham and Stoke fans,

    The Europa league isn't worth the bother.

    Not that I know but I just wanted to try telling you.

    Yours sincerely,
    TrotterUSA

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  182. Nice try Trott, but the reason I told you not to bother was that most of them can't read, the smart ones from those regions support Aston Villa or Port Vale.

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