Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Williams It Was Really Something

I find myself conflicted by Wimbledon.

There’s so much about it that makes my Northern working-class gut retch acrid bile. Yesterday the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (and if you’re a true blue-blood when you get a title the lackeys just say ‘pick a town, any town’) got front-row seats because... because, I dunno, his Mum loved the tennis, didn’t she? Cue, moist eyes and me missus grabbing for the Kleenex.

Murray gave them a bow – it must’ve been sarcastic, surely – and I thought they least they could do was bow back, or tell him to stop being so feckin’ stupid. But if you’re brought up that way you just do an infinitesimally small nod as if somehow you deserve it.

I mean all the great and the good have been there to watch, haven’t they? – Bob ‘Wake Me Up When He’s Finished’ Willis, Dermot O’Leary (the little plank at the start of X-Factor), erm.... oh you know, all of them. It’s like one of them ‘orrible ITV C-list festival shows ‘An Audience With Andy Murray’.

Oh and Billie-Jean King was there – still looking like the scariest schoolma’am in the history of American education.


She’s regarded with great fondness by the commentators, with much being made of her ‘knowledge’, ‘expertise’ and ‘enthusiasm’. The implication is that she’s one hell of a bore.

'Course Wimbledon holds on to its traditions like a drowning man clinging to driftwood. Rafa Nadal is defending the Gentleman’s Singles which actually makes it sound like a website detailing exclusive public conveniences for closet homosexuals. The women compete for the Ladies’ title. Ha! That’s no lady, that’s a screaming Eastern European banshee.

Everyone’s still wearing white - presumably cos it looks proper against the green of the grass. I couldn’t give a toss what they’re wearing although I don’t think Venus Williams was helped by trying to play tennis in a lace bin-bag.

There’s also the major bug-bear of hearing two-bit also-ran former British number threes chuntering away about players whose deeds far exceed anything they’ll ever do. Like sparrows giving flying advice to albatrosses.

You watch the tired litany of English wild-card holders all bombing out in the first round and you know for a fact that in 2020, half of them’ll be working for the BBC for 2 weeks of every year.

And there’s the fans, bless ‘em, queuing up in their little tents and looking for all the world like the bit of Glasto that’s set aside for the Women’s Institute. (Incidentally, watched a bit of U2 and, like avocadoes and Little Britain, I’m still at a loss as to why they’re so popular. Beyonce, on the other hand... ha-cha-cha-chaaaa!)

And yet despite all the hackles on me back, it’s a fantastic tournament. This may have summat to do with the fact that we live in rare old times as far as the men’s game is concerned. Jimmy Connors doesn’t seem to appreciate the rivalries at the top of the game cos they’re all so nice. I used to hate watching Connors play meself cos it was hard not to wish a decent barber on the basin-haired grunter.

Federer and Nadal (complete with perennial injury cloud) we know all too well. Djokovic is clearly a magnificent player but appears shorn of any personality on court, except when he’s smashing the shit out his racquet. (I empathise with the lad; it usually takes me four points – or pints - to get to that stage, not two and a half sets).

But yes, they’re all nice lads.

People in the game’ll tell you that the Williams sisters are nice lasses n all. I’ve no doubt they are. Trouble is no one seems to warm to them in this country. Now let me be frank. I think it’s cos Venus and Serena stomp up here with their strapping, let’s not deny it, black limbs and make one Caucasian after another look like they’re made from so many stale twiglets.

Elena Dementieva - serves like a girl.

Now I could take or leave the Jehovah’s Witness stuff but then again I don’t remember either of them sticking their tennis racquets into my hall to stop me closing my front door. And I could probably do without the use of ever-increasing decibels when the point gets very serious.

But there seems to be an underlying sense that their achievements need to be downgraded somehow. They did it their own way, their Dad learnt tennis from a book, they don’t play enough tournaments, they seem to be able to win them whilst managing a business and having a life... all most irregular.

And maybe, too, it’s the fact that there’s two of them. If one don’t get you the other one will. And somehow that’s not fair.

It’s bollocks of course. I don’t think it’s possible to overstate their achievements. They grew up in Compton, played a sport in which black people are as rare as a decent salad in Newcastle. They’ve contended with implicit prejudice, personal tragedy and, as Serena’s blubbing proved after her victory in week one, they care deeply about the sport they play.

I mean what's not to like?

Maybe, like the retrospective love-in that the (not very feminine) woman Martina Navratilova enjoys and deserves, there’ll come a time when a nostalgic fondness for the Williamses overcomes us all. I remember Chris Evert being ‘Miss Poker-Face’. Then she married John Lloyd and we loved her. Ahh!

Maybe Serena could take up with Jamie Murray, eh? Or we could just acknowledge that, even with injuries leaving them looking rustier than the bedsprings in a water bed, both Venus and Serena proved themselves to be two of sport’s greatest exponents and fiercest competitors.

In the meantime, Rafa’s foot’ll be fine and he – and Kvitova (who?) will be champions.

PS Is there a bit of you out there that wouldn’t mind if a bit of David Haye was left in Hamburg?

PPS Mike Doyle died today. A great player, one of them who, were it not for Bobby Moore, would’ve played for England many times.

201 comments:

  1. Robbo,

    you did in for the Williams sisters by 'predicting' one of them will win and now you have given the kiss of death to Rafa.

    For someone who never bothered to try my hands on the most pretentios and middles classed snobby sport of all, I do think we are in the golden period for Tennis.

    I mean some of the matches in the last years, rafa vs. federer, federer vs. roddick, the beligerant talent of Djokovic et all, have been truly remarkable.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also,

    on Hays:

    could have a shown a bit more class in the build up to his last fight ever.

    ReplyDelete
  3. third, (my personal best)
    ---
    BeeZee

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Does anyone else, who, like me only follows Tennis in the five week window between the French Open and Wimbledon, find it weird that every year the Women's Top 10 is almost completely different. Compared to the Men's, where the same four have been at the top for about two years, Women's tennis doesn't seem to have sustainable leaders (beyond the Williams').
    Just Saying.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The more the build up goes on for the Klitchko vs Haye fight,the more I want to see Klitchko toy with Haye for several rounds before interweaving his face with the canvas.

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  7. Tennis - a waste of a good multi-storey car park. Jamie Murray and Serena? Blimey, she'd break the poor sap in two!
    U2 really are a bit poor aren't they?
    http://astoundedbysound.blogspot.com/2011/06/flagging.html

    ReplyDelete
  8. feel the same way Jacks.

    Klitchkos have the most admirable trait of all in sports. more important than talent, success.

    Personality.

    ReplyDelete
  9. David Haye is a funny man. I wouldn't say that to his face, obviously.

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  10. Well following on from the wickham thread on the previous blog..i sure hope we dont pay 15m+ for him. No doubt he is good, but its kinda silly to be paying these obscene amounts for players with little or no experience of playing at this level. If we do have unlimited amounts of cash, we're better off paying 20-25 million for a Honda (not the bike) or Elia, than 12-15mil for Wickham or 20 mil for Downing (who has the PL experience of course, i just dont like him).

    ReplyDelete
  11. Murray happy to progress in heat.
    -------------------------------------
    Murray's in heat ? What next, I wonder.

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  12. Most people (the experts) seem to think Haye will be fine if he stays out of Klitchko's reach and dont get tired of mentioning how Haye is a great athelete who never gets tired and he'll be running rings round his larger slower opponent.

    I dont think so.

    Klitchko's range and his weight are not his only assets. He's got a killer punch and its not easy to get past his jab.

    think it will be an interesting fight.

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  13. Arsenal are eyeing £15m-rated Bayer Leverkusen attacking midfielder Arturo Vidal as a possible replacement for C**c F******s and Samir Nasri.
    ----------------------------------------------

    This guy must be really, really good if he can replace both you-know-who and nasri.

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  14. Uh oh. Forgot to do the **** thingy with the word A*****l. The curse of the blogs to befall me now.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Six Premier League clubs are chasing Manchester City's James Milner.
    -----------------------------------------

    They're probably trying to chase him away.

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  16. He's not a bad hairdresser either AH.

    Klitschko seems a much more thoughtful,erudite and decent human being Soits.

    Haye is just a loud mouthed nobody.This is his first,and only,fight against a decent heavyweight.

    Timbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.

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  17. Saw a sign yesterday in Buxton that made me piss myself.....































    Toilet closed.

    ReplyDelete
  18. That would be a sight worth watching jacks. Vidal threading an inch perfect pass to young theo while simultaneously taking a couple inches off Song's tresses.

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  19. ha ha AH AH (palindromic posting)

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  20. Ah Ha my second favourite Norwegian band

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  21. I'm particularly partial to Grieg,with him and him.

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  22. Norway have been hunting high and low for similar success ever since.

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  23. BJ King? Isn't that Kate middletons job?

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  24. 1514 BST Arsenal are expected to move ahead with a deal for Bolton's England defender Gary Cahill, with unsettled Denmark striker Nicklas Bendtner a possible makeweight to help bridge the gap between the clubs' differing valuations. (Press Association)
    ---

    For Trot with Love.

    seriously though, think its a good business for both clubs.

    Bendy is way better than almandy.

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  25. ooops.

    I forgot.

    Sorry Jacks.

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  26. It's okay Spits,AH got in with comment 12 (on a blog about tennis) with an Ar***al reference.

    ReplyDelete
  27. but AH ist even an Arsenal fan, innit?

    see how difficult it is...

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  28. I think Wimbledon should be renamed The Annual Festival of Ugly Truth, in which the English middle classes display once again for all the world to see what a useless chinless spineless limpwristed degenerate bunch of mutual cocksucking fops they've become since brutal bullying and the fag system was banned in public schools. no hope for them now, they don't even care, they're so complacently enriched they can't see it ....the Delphic oracle said 'the Spartan have only riches to fear, it will destroy them' and it did, for the English being crap at tennis is only the start

    ReplyDelete
  29. Back to the Klitchkos:

    Wladimir, who holds a Ph.D and speaks 5 languages, does not do trash talk.

    I know Ali brought boxing to the world attention with his showmanship but he backed it up with substance in the ring.

    Hayes, miles off of it.

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  30. he's a nobhead spit but hes OUR nobhead

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  31. Wonder if the Klitschko brothers spend all their spare time talking about Ar***al?

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  32. Just because he's ours Blogidy doesn't mean that we should automatically support him.

    Would you want David Cameron to win the annual UN egg and spoon race?

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  33. dementieva, shed drive you mad wouldn't she, the Williams sisters sob with concealed lust and although they fear the unwanted erections when playing her


    she wants it bad but I can only give it to her good

    ReplyDelete
  34. Id want him to win for Britain, jack but then I'd want him to die of salmonella poisoning after celebrating with a victory egg and dippy soldiers

    ReplyDelete
  35. I'll put Wimbledon on the tv in the bar, but only after scouring every other available channel to see if there's any footy on.

    I stopped following it fanatically after John McEnroe retired, it was never the same after he left.

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  36. dementieva: well, doable but how can you tell your mates you are dating someone named dementieva?

    sounds all wrong and they WILL snigger.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Jon MacEnroe:

    yeah, I remembered when he signed for Barcelona.

    We tried to hold on to him but he said he cant help it.

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  38. The sniggering would soon stop when they:

    a)met her

    and b)saw her bank balance.

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  39. Tour de France starts on Saturday,and today it is announced that the "Official airline of the Tour" is not Air France,as you may expect,but Qatar Air.

    I wonder what brought that about?

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  40. Theres an Arsenal Tennis Club in Vienna (really) and they're trying to emulate the success of the Barcelona Tennis Club of Berlin, but failing miserably

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  41. dementieva?

    Wasn't that Uncle Festers girl friend?

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  42. jacks the qataris alone can fund expensively undetectable drugs

    ReplyDelete
  43. anyone fond of morrisey lyric punning titles should read Girlfriend in a Coma by Douglas coupland which I admit was Something I started but Couldn't Finish, but what difference does it make?

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  44. So the qataris now own FIFA, the Tour de France, PSG (or is it Lyon) and Malaga. thats quite a collection.

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  45. Why couldn't Finnish it blogs? Was it too Swede?

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  46. I enjoyed "A History of Glue"

    Couldn't put it down.

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  47. The're's No(r)way I'd make a gag like that, AH.

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  48. Nice scandinavian theme to the blog this fine morning, i see.

    H2/Spits...stop bidding for Juan Mata..we'll be forced to up our bid to 45 million or something now.

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  49. Just checking our roster of midfield players - gerrard, kuyt, lucas, henderson,poulsen,spearing,adam (possibly), downing (possibly), aquilani,maxi,meireles (possibly not). KK has obviously been talking to 'arry a lot, of late.

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  50. Like the rest of the world, I forgot Joe Cole.

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  51. I haven't bid a penny for him, AH.
    --
    Ha ha, this time last year, L'pool, Spurs and even a few Arsenal fans (although I was definetly not one of them) were drolling over the prospect of getting Joe Cole on a free, you couldn't pay another club enough to take him off your hands this season.

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  52. I'll bet we can tempt harry into making an offer.

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  53. good stuff Robbo, mornin' all. Bendtner? I hope you're fuckin' kidding!

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  54. C**c F++++++s hasen't ever publicly been heard to say he want's to go to Barcelona this year has he?

    Every footballer would say "it's my dream to play for Barca".

    My dream involves Giselle Bundchen and a large pot of honey. Doesn't mean it's going to happen does it. (I love my missus but.... Giselle, if you're reading, c'mon!)

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  55. Evening trott.


    POW! KERSPLATT! ZOWIEEE! Bachman and Palin to the rescue? Surely not?

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  56. Giselle's here with me, mat, she's told me to tell you to dream on

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  57. Mike Doyle - City through and through.

    God Bless

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  58. The S*n newspaper, via the BBC's Tuesday's Gossip:

    "Barcelona want F******s to go on strike in order to force a cut-price move from A*****l to the European champions"

    Them Williams girls... wouldn't want to be lying between either one's thighs when they orgasm, cause they'd probably squeeze you to death... just saying you know, not fantasising -- no death wish here.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

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  59. Talksport are saying that Barcelona may turn their attention to Manchester United winger Nani if they fail in their pursuit of in-demand Udinese star Alexis Sanchez.

    What is it with all this speculation and rumour? Trying to unsettle a player who is under contract? Giving the guy hope that he can play for Barca?
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

    ReplyDelete
  60. Wickham: Sunderland it is then.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/13873800.stm

    ReplyDelete
  61. not to be a prude (but I will go ahead and be one anyways because I mentioned that I dont want to ne one, and this happens to be the acceptable way of doing it nowadays) but Im visiting Finland at the mo AH, found out only yesterday that its not a Scandinavian country, what the...

    --BeeZee

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  62. Bring on August so these fucking boring tennis blogs will stop. The only thing worse than a tennis blog is a golf blog... when is the British Open... I'll stay away for a week.

    OK I'm away.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Pandas: whats the bloody point?

    If a species is too stupid to fuck even if their survival depended on it, I say we let them die out.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Is this something similar to the south american model where talent agencies sign players and then try to get them sold on to the highest bidders?

    but being english, at an inferior level.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/13943176.stm

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  65. I got a beef with all the US based posters for not letting us know that the US Women's team play in this outfit.

    http://theoriginalwinger.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/nike-uswnt-jersey-1.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  66. De Matteo has been appointed the Chelsea assistant manager.

    A good decision, I'd say.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Spitfire

    Pandas: maybe bamboo flavoured viagra?

    What wrong with wimbledon? Nice pic of dementieva, Robbo. Nothing wrong with Lisicki or Shara either (except the grunting, which is nothing to do with a tennis court) Evidence below.

    Jedi

    Lisicki

    http://www.tiptoptens.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Sabine-Lisicki-hot-sexy-2011.jpg

    and Sharapova

    http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_XQsHQXyjWLk/TOdlbpnlgfI/AAAAAAAAAeY/RJeviCgowss/s1600/2new-maria-sharapova.jpg&imgrefurl=http://sportsamazing.blogspot.com/2011/06/maria-sharapova-hot-photo.html&usg=__tkaBKBocOBVO4NH4AaficK6-VCI=&h=700&w=469&sz=65&hl=en&start=19&zoom=1&tbnid=yRq7exwKDCZjTM:&tbnh=140&tbnw=94&ei=dQQLTvSpBoiY8QOD0vCZAQ&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dsharapova%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dcom.microsoft:en-gb:IE-SearchBox%26rlz%3D1I7ADRA_en%26biw%3D985%26bih%3D929%26tbm%3Disch&itbs=1

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  68. Anonymous said...
    Spitfire

    Pandas: maybe bamboo flavoured viagra?
    ---

    The chinese have tried that. They have even tried showing them panda porn apparently but nothing doing.

    the main problem is that the female is in the mood 2/3 days a year.

    adn if by chance they do get the sparks flying, pregnanacy isnt a must.

    At most a female gets pregnant once every 2 years and incase she gets more that one offspring, she simply picks the strongest of them and lets the other die.

    why?

    coz she cant be bothered to produce enough milk.

    doomed, I say.
    Let the dumbos die.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Spitfire said...

    "the main problem is that the female is in the mood 2/3 days a year.

    and if by chance they do get the sparks flying, pregnanacy isnt a must."

    Imagine if humans were like that? There'd be no masturbation, no porn, no rape and a world population of maybe 1 million and on the verge of extinction. And no A*****l.

    Artificial insemination? Maybe the boy pandas only produce sperm 2/3 days a year but not at the same time the girl pandas are in the mood.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

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  70. I think we should now apply to the OED to make A*****l and official swear word, given that most people still write p*ss, sh*t, c*nt, f*ck, and, wait for it... a*se, and A*****l fits right in with that last one.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

    ReplyDelete
  71. its official we're better than brazil and argentina. of course we are. nurse, statistician needs his medication...

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/3666629/England-go-fourth-in-FIFA-world-rankings-ahead-of-Brazil.html

    ReplyDelete
  72. Blogs, that list has just lost all it's credibility.

    How in the name of all things holy can we be 4th?

    Was it the home draws with Switzerland and Montenegro that put us there?

    Or do we get extra points for still employing a manager who is obviously out of his depth and doesn't even command our language?

    ReplyDelete
  73. You are quite right BeeZee, Denmark, Norway and Sweden are the 3 scandinavian countries. Are we supposed to be factually correct on this blog now ? It's the beginning of the end, I tell you. Den-mark my words. We are Finnish-ed.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Nice pic of Sharapova there Jedi. How someone so hot can make the effort to be a Top 10 sportsperson is beyond me (as opposed to being a Kournikova).

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  75. The gossip pages are hugely disappointing today. Fortunately, they're almost always wrong. Liverpool interested in Milner and Bridge. I'd be gutted if either one of that were true.

    Also hearing news of Sammy Lee leaving the club. Wonder whats happenning there..they looked like one, big, happy family a couple months ago.

    ReplyDelete
  76. H - fifa : credibility = pandas : overpopulation

    THEREFORE

    fifa/credibilty = pandas/overpopulation

    THEREFORE

    fifa = credibility X pandas / overpopulation

    THEREFORE

    fifa = 0.1x panda

    where x = credibility

    OR IN OTHER WORDS

    i have proven by euclidean algebra that fifa has the credibility of one a tenth of a dead panda

    ReplyDelete
  77. AH what about rooney sparking a brawl when he chased a granny into the disabled loos at glastonbury?

    no youre right thats not even newsworthy anymore. he wouldnt know what do do with morals if he had any. he'd probably eat them.

    ReplyDelete
  78. its like jesus, innit? He didnt cared for morals much either.

    MURALS he said. Murals are important.

    fucking auto-correct the original bible writes used was broken and now we are stuck with churches.

    ReplyDelete
  79. 28 June 2011 19:07
    Anonymous said...
    The S*n newspaper, via the BBC's Tuesday's Gossip:

    "Barcelona want F******s to go on strike in order to force a cut-price move from A*****l to the European champions"

    ----
    Taking cuntdom to a whole new level.

    The tapping up is bad enough, but this is going too far.

    They obviously have no respect for either the club or player. If they really wanted him they'd shut the fuck up and splash the cash, lest we not forget, this is the same club that spent over 40mill plus Eto'o on Bignoseavich and are rumoured to also want that Chilean dude for around 45mil.

    They upped their offer for our captain, but it's still way short of what L'pool paid for Andy Carroll. Gits.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Anonymous said...
    not to be a prude (but I will go ahead and be one anyways because I mentioned that I dont want to ne one, and this happens to be the acceptable way of doing it nowadays) but Im visiting Finland at the mo AH, found out only yesterday that its not a Scandinavian country, what the...

    --BeeZee

    -------------
    AnfieldHopeful said...
    You are quite right BeeZee, Denmark, Norway and Sweden are the 3 scandinavian countries. Are we supposed to be factually correct on this blog now ? It's the beginning of the end, I tell you. Den-mark my words. We are Finnish-ed.
    ---------

    Well.... He was indeed kind of right, but I think the word he was looking for was pedant, not to be pedantic, like, but a prude is not someone that points out mistakes, unless of course he is a prudish pedant.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Bloggs, like the equation, I'll be mulling over it for quite a while to make sure the mathes are corect. In the meantime I've dumbed it down a bit;

    The world would be a better place if

    a) Pandas fucked

    and

    b) Fifa fucked off.

    ReplyDelete
  82. A prude would be someone who did not like the Lisicki and Sharapova pics. Not that we would know as no such person would ever be on this blog.

    Also, if we only posted shit that was factually accurate, this blog would only have the one post: Blogs equation (which was probably formulated by his nan and inscribed on her tombstone)

    ReplyDelete
  83. Roger Federrer out of Wimby!!! Hurrah!!!

    I FUCKING HATE ROGER FEDERRER!!!

    Go Andy OR Rafa!!!

    ReplyDelete
  84. Holloway2Holland said...

    Blogs, that list has just lost all it's credibility.

    How in the name of all things holy can we be 4th?
    -----------------
    The FIFA rankings are calculated based on four years of results:
    • Games between 22 Aug 2007 - 1 June 2008 have a value of 20%.
    • Games between 20 Aug 2008 - 10 June 2009 have a value of 30%.
    • Games between 12 Aug 2009 and 27 June 2010 have a value of 50%.
    • Games between 11 Aug 2010 and 4 June 2011 have a value of 100%.

    ReplyDelete
  85. So you see the dates 28th June 2010 to 10th Aug 2010 are not considered. Thats the period when Spain actually went and won the bloody WC.

    ReplyDelete
  86. I like Tsonga. He's an entertainer.

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  87. Barcelona are turning into Spurs -- looks like they're wanting to buy a second midfield: Fabregas, Nasri, Nani. ManU will sell you Gibson, no probs.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

    ReplyDelete
  88. poor German polizei..
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13956581
    --BeeZee

    p.s: sorry for being a pedantic prude earlier, but I just found out that recently so thought I would share (pedanticize). Anyways pleasing jacks really does take away many non-pedantic options when it comes to posting

    ReplyDelete
  89. BeeZee, if you don't mention the unmentionables or young Spain midfielders you should be fine pleasing Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Did you know that in Women's Football, the ref has to show a card to the player if they do not take off their shirt to celebrate a goal?

    ReplyDelete
  91. Nice to see the PL's "fit and proper test has worked a treat again.

    Allegedly

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-13970534


    Jedi

    PS as a Spurs supporter, I always thought A*****l WAS a swear word.

    ReplyDelete
  92. to be fair to the PL, Burmingham's former owners were Davids Gold and Sullivan so Yeung is actually an improvement.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Spit, what's wrong with porn?

    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  94. http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/oddballs/867823-andrey-arshavin-arsenals-new-away-kit-will-make-us-look-like-jockeys


    You're not tall enough to look like jockeys, andrey...

    ReplyDelete
  95. porn is best when done by amateurs.

    ReplyDelete
  96. wenger dressed as snow white rogered by his midget players dressed as jockeys ...."one up the Arsene", complete with shetland ponies,... that kind of amateur porn?

    ReplyDelete
  97. http://theballisround.co.uk/2011/06/30/not-all-clubs-are-born-to-succeed/

    ReplyDelete
  98. http://www.thesportcollective.com/tour-of-duty-tour-de-france-cycling/2011/06/

    ReplyDelete
  99. jacksofbuxton said...
    http://theballisround.co.uk/2011/06/30/not-all-clubs-are-born-to-succeed/

    --

    but how can it be?

    all I have read on this blog, ever, is that the ones who fret over the failings and joys of watching a 'big' club, like Arsenal, are somehow not real fans.

    I obviously dont agree but thats what i have read here.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Yes but that was always one big wind-up, spits

    ReplyDelete
  101. Jedi said

    PS as a Spurs supporter, I always thought A*****l WAS a swear word.
    ---
    A Jedi that turned to the dark side?

    Is you Annakin Skywalker!? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  102. Just drove past bradwell nuclear power station the radioactivity made my ballocks tingle

    ReplyDelete
  103. new convert to nuclear power

    ReplyDelete
  104. I am actually in favour of a nuclear power.

    I just all those hippies stop living close to nuclear power plants especially those who themselves and their coming generations are more susceptible to different forms of cancer.

    such wasters.

    ReplyDelete
  105. City have bid 20mil for Nasri apparetnly.

    Have my blessing.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Holloway2Holland said...
    Jedi said

    PS as a Spurs supporter, I always thought A*****l WAS a swear word.
    ---
    A Jedi that turned to the dark side?

    Is you Annakin Skywalker!? ;)

    No. Never been near the Em**ates.

    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  107. Anonymous said...
    Holloway2Holland said...
    Jedi said

    PS as a Spurs supporter, I always thought A*****l WAS a swear word.
    ---
    A Jedi that turned to the dark side?

    Is you Annakin Skywalker!? ;)

    No. Never been near the Em**ates.

    Jedi

    ---

    I take it you've never been to WHL then?

    ReplyDelete
  108. http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Mother-In-Law-Email-Carolyn-Bournes-Stern-Etiquette-Message-To-Heidi-Withers-Goes-Viral/Article/201106416021513?f=rss

    ReplyDelete
  109. I sense that would make a good programme for ITV 2.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Spitfire said... "City have bid 20mil for Nasri apparently."

    So, same as rumoured offers from Barcelona and Man United. Now, if you were in Nasri's boots, Man City would be your 1st/2nd/3rd choice?

    Answers on a postcard to Roberto Mancini, Man City, Blue Quarter of Manchester, UK
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

    ReplyDelete
  111. SAF could have bought Nasri, Benzema, Ben Arfa, Ozil, Khedira and Anelka at any point in the past few years.

    Why didn't he? Cause he is mates with Tony Blair.

    My theory: Blair invaded two Muslim countries, and the one common link on all those players named? They're all Muslims (or Muslamics with ray gums according to some bloke on youtube - check it out, good laugh -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIPD8qHhtVU)
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

    ReplyDelete
  112. Where is everyone?
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

    ReplyDelete
  113. Close season, prof.

    Muslims would rather have their penises beaten wafer thin with a meat tenderiser and then nailed to the ground with a big iron spike than wear the red devil - an icon of the infidel - on their chest and so would I.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Not sure I would quite go that far Blog... unless of course it also included wearing the green and yellow scarf, then maybe....

    ReplyDelete
  115. Aston Villa boss Alex McLeish wants Manchester City winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to fill the gap left by Ashley Young's move to Manchester United. He would also like to sign goalkeeper Shay Given from City, having lost Brad Friedel to Tottenham this summer.
    ---

    cant help but laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Liverpool coach Steve Clarke admits the Reds may have to start the season without striker Luis Suarez and midfielder Lucas. The duo are on international duty in Argentina at the Copa America, which does not finish until 24 July, meaning they may need time to recover ahead of the Premier League kick-off on 13 August.
    ---

    scousers be happy

    ReplyDelete
  117. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-13960586

    A scaremonger story about "Will Brazil be ready for the 2014 World Cup"

    I wonder why the rest of the world think so little of our press?

    ReplyDelete
  118. They were right about fifa though jack, specifically Honest Jack Warner who was shouting loudly about UK press lies; we know who the liar is now

    ReplyDelete
  119. Bo a year or so ago some mad imam was actually saying that muslims shouldn't play for or support man u, because of the red devil icon. I don't just make this stuff up you know ...

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/malaysia/7900366/Muslims-ban-Manchester-United-shirts-over-red-devil-image.html

    ReplyDelete
  120. To be honest Blogidy,saying Jack Warner is a bit bent is like asking the Pope what his faith is or Yogi wear does he go to the loo.

    ReplyDelete
  121. id like to see my yogi bare... she's v. attractive

    ReplyDelete
  122. why are our players good for their clubs and crap for england?
    why was mark ramprakash brilliant but rubbish for england, how come, now 40, he's averaging 90 in county cricket - top of the averages? is it because he won a dancing competition and ENJOYED something for the first time in a long time?

    on a more serious level, why is the life-blood, the creativity and the sheer joy of life being bled from the english...in the fire service, for instance we have to fill in these bleeding task books, which involves collecting a million signatures "proving" we can do all these little micro tasks which we now spend hours doing instead of training ... just a little personal moan there...

    In answer to all these questions, THIS is worth reading - Ed Smith argues we've become too professional and we've lost the love of it all - the love of the true amateur

    http://www.edsmith.org.uk/journalism/various/are-we-too-professional/

    ReplyDelete
  123. Scolari : “My priority is to ensure that players feel more amateur than professional. Thirty to forty years ago, the effort was the other way. Now there is so much professionalism, we have to revert to urging players to like the game, love it, do it with joy.”

    ReplyDelete
  124. Arsene should read this and stop trying to ape barca, which wont work (anymore than england can import dutch drug laws - different cultures, different norms, it probably wouldnt work here)

    Kay also questions the professional mantra that we should slavishly copy winners: “It is a delusion to think that there is an underlying desirable process which you can extract from the performance of the skilful and then transmit to everybody else. "

    ReplyDelete
  125. http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_avoid_getting_hit_by_a_train

    ReplyDelete
  126. play for the joy alone, not for the money...

    winning doesnt matter...

    didnt know the 90th anniversary of the Chinese Communist Party was being celebrated even on this very blog, blog.

    ReplyDelete
  127. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Holy_Carp

    ReplyDelete
  128. ed smith reckons, i agree he's probably wrong spit, but he reckons you play better if you do other stuff you enjoy, that success is better if it occurs obliquely as a side effect rather than the end-point, that if you enjoy your game, like gazza, you'll be better at it as well. smith reckons, i bet he's wrong, that not everyone - in fact hardly anyone - can achieve true success in sport or life, if they become monofocused ultraprofessional robots like geoff boycott or tiger woods.

    its a mistaken idea but im taken by it. its not that training and all that other mad stuff which came with modern hyper-professionalism is bad, its obviously not, but if thats all there is then perhaps coaches are mistaking the mystery of individual high performance. fergie doesnt make this mistake, he knows who to coax and who to hair-dry.

    im not sure about arsene he wants his players to play like barca - but arsenal (6 years of failure QED)cant achieve in the same way barca can. in fact barca 5 years from now wont be able to achieve what barca today can, unless they adapt to the realities of the individual players they have rather than trying to bash them into fitting some preconceived template of high achivement, like kids with over-controlling parents.

    would want to live in china? theyre even more rubbish at football than we are

    ReplyDelete
  129. what had Pyuol won by the age of 26? NOWT. Nada.

    What has Pyuol won in the last 6/7 years ? Everything.

    They only talk you down when you dont win, which I understand but why do they forge that you cannot always win.

    Were United always succesful? It took them 21 years of Liverpool not winning a single league title to finally catch up to them.


    to abandon playing just because you couldnt or didnt win would be such a shame.

    however, not trying to win, not really trying to win is a crap idea.

    ReplyDelete
  130. im thinking of the english team really spit, and trying to win isnt getting us very far. they need to relax, enjoy it. then we'll win.

    ReplyDelete
  131. al right.

    I have now read the article and know what you mean blog. I think, I know what you mean.

    so in that sense, Wenger (and other of his ilk) needs be admired not sworn at for not winning trophies? Not spending top bucks purely in pursuit of championships?

    where as the likes of Morinho are to banished?

    I dont know, am all confused now.

    ReplyDelete
  132. one more thing,

    most modern sports pros today tend to have rather humble backgrounds where the driving factor is the route out of poverty as much as the joy of the game. And if they are lucky, the talent is spotted at the right time and they, having no other way out of their miserable situations, go all in. They work on honing their skills... and yada yada... the pro wonderkind manages to pull out the whole family out with him to the promised land and eventual fame and fortune.

    perfect example Brazil.

    perfect counter example: Germany.

    Most of their famous players would have had a reasonable comfort in life even if they hadnt made it big as pros.

    does that mean they enjoy their games even more than the brazilians?

    ReplyDelete
  133. just out of curiosity on the posts from yesterday, anyone know the last muslim player to feature for Manchester united?

    did any, ever?

    ReplyDelete
  134. Long, but good read. I agree that "The Wire" was a really great series.
    ---
    I think the problem with the England team is not that they try to hard, it's much more the opposite in my opinion. They have way to high a dunk of themselves, with their over inflated transfer "value" and their ridiculous wages.

    Being placed as 4th on the new FIFA list isn't going to help matters either.

    ReplyDelete
  135. But, credit where credit is due...
    The U17's managed to defeat Argentina last night (on penalties believe it or not) to reach the quarter final stage.

    Unfortunatly they'll be up against ze Germans, who, from what I have seen so far, are easily the strongest team.

    Still, you never know...

    Come on Eng-er-land!!

    ReplyDelete
  136. spit the only one i could find was zoran tosic and he never signed in the end because fergie ran out of patience with his agents

    ReplyDelete
  137. theres a possibility that we just have to wait around for the once in 30-year chance that we have a bunch of naturally gifted players coinciding.

    the reason i dont actually believe this though is that the bloody germans always look bloody average on paper, dont have many stand-out stars, look bloody average on the pitch and then go on to win bloody everything

    ReplyDelete
  138. Muslims and the ManU shirts?

    just pop down to the mid-east and the every second Arab would could be seen donning one. I dont think they have a problem with it either as long as they keep winning trophies...

    ReplyDelete
  139. there was also a so called pundit going on about how it was imperative that Wilshire plays (and the U21 win) since thats how the germans do it and see how brilliant that turned out for them at the WC having failed to spot that the germans did win the thing last time around and having promoted mos tof that bunch, have not even qualified for the U21 this time around. MÜller, Neuer, Marin and a whole lotta of other seniors would still qualify for U21 but would they even consider such an out of arse point of view?

    Nein.

    ReplyDelete
  140. blog, could it be that the Germans are just more professional?

    ReplyDelete
  141. i think its more likely to be that theyve sold their souls to the devil, spit

    good point about the under21s. generalisations dont work very well in football.

    ReplyDelete
  142. I guess its fair to say that the germans are more professionals but the brazilians play with more Joy. And how come they are both so succesfull in such contrasting ways?

    And how fuck can it explain how the Italians have managed to grab 4 WCs?

    Why the hell is England shite?

    Its well 'ard being all phylosophical.

    I yield.

    ReplyDelete
  143. what strikes me in fact is the sheer massive complexity of making the many small decisions that enable a team to work together ... the steve bruces, the steve mcclarens of this world - they're guessing and bluffing 90% of the time (£13 million for connor wickham will cost bruce his job)

    ReplyDelete
  144. pie anyone?

    home brew is my new Big Thing. loverly and very very dangerous.

    ReplyDelete
  145. http://www.freeindex.co.uk/profile(colchester-homebrew-supplies)_140107.htm


    The only useful thing ive ever posted on here. recommended

    ReplyDelete
  146. blog,

    I am sure if I were to set up a home brewery, I'll have a problem.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Here's the dutch home brew website;

    http://www.cellmax.nl/

    ReplyDelete
  148. How to cost your team promotion.

    http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/7365

    ReplyDelete
  149. Midfielder Phil Neville is on the verge of a signing a contract that is set to keep him at Everton for the rest of his career. The former England international, 34, has 12 months left on his current deal.
    Full story: Daily Mail

    -----
    OOOOO, a year extension?

    ReplyDelete
  150. Apparently for England vs. Holland at Wmebley, England will be wearing their 'new' away shits.

    And that ladies and gentlemen is what the fuck is wrong with pro football.

    ReplyDelete
  151. You're right Spit, wearing shit is bad for all sports.

    ReplyDelete
  152. But on second thoughts.... Maybe wearing shit is a master stroke, it will certainly mask the stench of how bad they play.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Tottenham want £20m-rated Athletic Bilbao and Spain striker Fernando Llorente, but Harry Redknapp has been told he must sell two of Robbie Keane, Roman Pavlyuchenko, Peter Crouch and Jermain Defoe first.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    =====
    He'll have to sell all four if he wants £20m

    ReplyDelete
  154. Tottenham are ready to rekindle their interest in Villarreal's £35m-rated striker Giuseppe Rossi after his agent said a proposed move to Barcelona was "definitely off".
    Full story: Daily Mail

    =======
    There goes the rest of the squad.

    ReplyDelete
  155. mornin' lads, all this talk of multi million pound transfers and stealthlike, Owen grabs a future world player of the year off the Swansea City subs bench, magic!

    ReplyDelete
  156. Pratly to be joined by SWP, according to the Sun trotsky, so it must be true, and someone called nacho novo who sounds like a new brand of Mexican crisps

    Meanwhile the glory days are just around the corner as Metal mickey Adams signs a brace of teenagers he groomed at Sheffield utd.

    ReplyDelete
  157. and late news off the gossip wire, Craig Bellamy could be the next Trotter, that'll be enough to put us bottom of the fair play league.

    Things are looking up at the Vale then, the Olsen twins is it?

    ReplyDelete
  158. G'day all

    I see that football closed season has brought about discussion of the England team again, especially the reasons why we constantly fail at the top level.

    I found the discussion between Spit and Blog, dealing with professionalism, intersting. Personally I think the word Professional has been overused to the point it has become a cliche. If you google Professionlism, as I did, you will find a number of definitions all slightly different. When I was young (I can barely remember that far back) a professional sportsman/sportswoman was one who was paid to particpate in his/her sport as opposed to an amateur, who wasn't paid. It has now come to mean everything from the way a sportsperson dresses to the way he/she behaves.

    I do not think this has anything to do with how England, as a team, perform on the football pitch. Do England actually under-perform? Could it simply be that they do not perform to the level of our expectations. We, as England supporters, believe the England national team should be among the elite of footballing nations but it is not our god given right to be so. Just because we have had some mild success in Europe at club level does not follow that our national team should achieve the same results.

    I just think that the individuals that make up the England team are not of sufficient quality to take on the second tier of nations that make up the football world let alone the elite. And that, for me, comes down to a basic problem with English football and one that has been mentioned on this blog countless times. One, our kids are having their natural abilities coached out of them at a young age because there are insufficient qualified coaches at the junior level, it is left to parents to coach them and anyone that has had their kids playing in a local kids team has horror stories to tell on that score. And two, which in essence relates to one, our kids are not being taught the technical skills that should be learnt at a young age. I am sure you guys can come up with plenty more reasons why England players do not succeed but for me, until we sort out those two problems we will never be one of the top footballing nations regardless to where the fifa ratings place us.

    ReplyDelete
  159. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/13999464.stm
    -------------------------------

    I think Hope Powell is ready to take over from Crapello. I you substitute the name Crapello in every time it says Powell and throw in an overpaid, underpermorming member of the men's team for every woman mentioned and it could be one of Crapello's interviews from the world cup in south africa.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  160. Murray didn't do badly enough to be labelled Scottish by the English press, but he also lost, so can't be called British either

    So Murray is now officially Welsh

    ReplyDelete
  161. jacksofbuxton said...
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-13960586

    A scaremonger story about "Will Brazil be ready for the 2014 World Cup"

    I wonder why the rest of the world think so little of our press?
    ------------
    saw this today and was reminded of your post
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-13991135

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  162. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/13906698.stm

    --

    can only be good for England.

    I have a hypothesis. In a vast majority of cases, if you can leave your comfort zone and not make a fool out of yourself, you have made it.

    ReplyDelete
  163. so exactly no mention of the Nigerian Wmoen's manager for her comments that,

    “The issue of lesbianism is common. I came to realise it is not a physical battle; we need divine intervention in order to control and curb it. I tell you it worked for us. This is a thing of the past. It is never mentioned.”

    in the british media.

    ReplyDelete
  164. one sentence caught my attention in this article about Haye and Klitschko,
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/boxing/13994027.stm

    "How anyone wouldn't get behind a fellow Brit is beyond me."

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  165. I'm a big fan of lesbians. In fact I'm such a big fan i've watched most of their films.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  166. Is there lesbianism in womens sport?

    Well I never, what a shock!

    Billy Jean King and Martina Navratilova would be turning in their graves, if they weren't still alive.

    ReplyDelete
  167. lesbianism has been around from the times of the dinosaur when the fearsome Lictalotapus walked the earth

    ReplyDelete
  168. I hear the economic downturn has led to all production of taramasalata and houmus ending in Greece

    It's a double dip recession

    ReplyDelete
  169. Fuck me. Robbo actually got one right. Kvitova won Wimbledon.

    ReplyDelete
  170. The man who stood by Young

    Youth coach who helped Ashley Youth fulfil his potential
    --------------------------------------------

    Ashley Youth?
    You would think someone at the Beeb would proof read headlines on the front of the sports page.

    ReplyDelete
  171. That would mean someone at the beeb having to learn how to read, AH.

    Damn cutbacks.

    ReplyDelete
  172. Well, england's new away shit was given an airing by mr. Haye tonight and on foreign soil, it got the result its gotten bloody well used to.

    I am glad the haye will hopefully now shut the fuck up but a ´bit sad the decision wasnt made for him by Klitchko landing a KO.

    ReplyDelete
  173. Men are "drama queens" when it comes to football, say sports scientists, who claim it actually takes them 30 seconds longer than women to get up after they have been fouled because they are looking for attention.
    ==========================================================

    Since the creation of the PL, I don't think anyone can argue against that.

    ReplyDelete
  174. United are spending £250m on a 'virtual' hospital at their Carrington training base and will begin work on the facility next year
    ================================================================

    No doubt they'll be looking for virtual doctors and nurses to staff it.

    ReplyDelete
  175. Emile Heskey (England) 59 caps, 7 goals.

    Rene Higuita (Colombia) 68 caps, 8 goals.

    Jose Luis Chilavert (Paraguay) 74 caps, 8 goals.


    (the last two are goalkeepers...)

    ReplyDelete
  176. My mates going too far with his Ross Kemp impersonations.

    We went to a football match but he could see things were about to kick off, so he got out of there.

    ReplyDelete
  177. above posts courtesy of Sickipedia

    ReplyDelete
  178. So much for Haye

    “When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don’t see heaven, or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent impulse and human tragedy.” Yossarian, catch22

    ReplyDelete
  179. Haye's new coach
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-14003784

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  180. Naah, shee's no good to haye.

    she did land a punch or two of any effect.

    ReplyDelete
  181. http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/manchester-united-snatch-early-lead-over-rivals-city-in-race-to-spend-2305956.html

    As United report for pre-season training at Carrington this week, it is possible to see the team Ferguson's successor will inherit. David De Gea in goal, the Da Silva twins at full-back, Chris Smalling and Phil Jones in central defence. A midfield of Antonio Valencia, Ashley Young, maybe Nasri, maybe Sneijder; Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez in attack. It may not be Barcelona but it will be balanced, aggressive and above all, young. Not one of these players, in defiance of United and Ferguson's great traditions, is home grown.

    ----

    What do you mean City are the Money bags?

    ReplyDelete
  182. Spot on as always Robbo. Could i also get a follow for my Arsenal ?football themed blog;
    www.mylifeasanarsenalfan.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  183. jacksofbuxton will sign up for that, david

    good luck to the under 17s tomorrow night vs the old nemesis

    ReplyDelete
  184. jacksofbuxton will be too busy over the next 3 weeks following the Tour de France.

    ReplyDelete
  185. Morning all.

    David, I am following your blog. But I dont think you should call yourself a long time sufferer.. its been only 6 years without a trophy.

    ReplyDelete
  186. Kevin Doyle??? What on Earth....???

    I'd rather go for Kevin Davies!!!

    ReplyDelete
  187. jacksofbuxton said...
    jacksofbuxton will be too busy over the next 3 weeks following the Tour de France.

    ---

    you must be in some shape for your age jacks if you can follow the tour de france for its duration.

    ReplyDelete
  188. Oh, you probably mean on telly....

    never mind..

    ReplyDelete
  189. Clichy having a medical at Man City.

    Fucking it up big times on big occasions will luckily not be spotted in the scans.

    ReplyDelete
  190. larissa riquelmi says she'll go nude if her country, lalatinaland, win the cup.

    this will remove any suspense but it may disimprove your eyesight

    http://bukancelenganbiasa.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/larissa-riquelme-3d-1.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  191. strong brit showing in the TdF so far. youre right jack its the best sporting spectacle of the summer

    ReplyDelete