Monday, 4 July 2011

Toe to Toe With Klitschko

David Haye. The Hayemaker. Making hay while the sun shines (out of his arse if you believe the hype). Anyone who watched the Fight of the erm, Decade was it? - or did they manage to hype it up to an epoch this time? – can be certain that the braided braggart has reached the end of his line.

Before the Valuev fight you sensed that Haye’s main goal was to make sure he was remembered. And to that end he gobbed off like a schoolboy baiting a caged gorilla. Still he got in there and whittled away at the Russian cliff-face and got a result.

Not so cocky now, eh Dave?

This time there wasn’t even the slightest sign of him even chipping a nail on the Ukrainian’s chin... which would be fine if he hadn’t called Wladimir a ‘fucking dickhead’ and accused him of yabbering on and saying nothing – a remark which is unsurpassed in the history of exchanges between Mr. Pot and Mr. Kettle.

Now you might say Haye has pepped up a heavyweight division which is as devoid of character as a Steven Gerrard post-match interview. But he seems to leave all his showmanship in the pre-fight build-ups. In the fights themselves he’s just another journeyman heavyweight with a big right hand.

Lennox Lewis was apparently comparing Haye to Ali last week. And, laughably, in favourable terms. Clearly the Hayemaker is nowhere near Ali's class in the ring, so maybe Lennox – another somewhat uninteresting man from boxing’s recent history unless you dwell on the fact that he still lived with his mum in his 30s – was on about Haye’s audacious use of the English language.

Well even here I fear Muhammad Ali is slightly ahead on points. On Saturday night Haye appeared to float like a bee and sting like a butterfly.

Maybe I’m being too hard on Haye – perhaps you have to give him grudging respect for fashioning himself some mighty paychecks from a bit of talent and a lot of bluster.

Nevertheless the broken toe excuse doesn’t wash. I’m sure there are pain-killing injections to help with that – and surely getting belted in the face by a 6 foot 8 inch Cossack is going to distract you from a crack in your phalanges.

The point is that Haye offers this as an excuse after the fight. I mean what was he hoping to do, kick his ass? If it hampered him so much then he should’ve withdrawn but that would’ve denied a handsome purse. And the pinky pain hardly stopped him from dodging a Klitschko KO from round 4 onwards, did it?

I’m not saying he’s Dis-Audley Harrison, but if that was the Fight of the Decade then I suggest we take down all the boxing rings in Europe and go back to a bit of honest to goodness cock-fighting ‘til 2021.

In the meantime Wimbledon drew to a close with yours truly getting it right and wrong. I tipped Kvitova to win the ladies and she didn’t let me down. Not that I want to watch two strapping lasses from a Nazi Youth propaganda poster knocking nine bells out of each other too often.

At least we were saved from Azarenka v Sharapova which would’ve been a festival of grunting post-Soviet grunting the like of which hasn’t been heard since the outlawing of the Stalingrad Sow Slaughtering Championships in the early nineties.

Kvitova saved her whelps for the odd celebration of a winning point. Not that you expect someone of her dimensions to emit a noise that sounded like she’d sat on a hamster.



The men’s final had better moments in it, and was a refreshing change. Djokovic is an extraordinary player. He doesn’t seem to possess the most dangerous of weapons: he doesn’t have Nadal’s whiplash forehand (and I bet you wouldn’t want to come up against Rafa in a post-shower towel-flicking contest) or that fluent Fed backhand. The serve’s not terrifying either.

But he doesn’t have any weaknesses either, not least in his body which appears to be more flexible than a Nick Clegg policy commitment. And he covers the court to such an extent that even the Rafa was reduced to clumping it over the baseline in despair.

I liked the celebration, too – eating the grass was a nice touch. I think he’s going to have to smoke some before our Andy Murray can get anywhere near him.

That’s not to say that Murray’s crap. He’s very, very good. It’s just that Nadal’s a blinking animal. But Djokovic has proved what needs to be done to beat him and Jesus it looks like hard bloody work. Let’s hope the Scot is up to it.

Old Rafa is disarmingly nice, isn’t he? On court he looks for all the world like a Spanish Popeye, narrowing his eye and bulging his biceps. Off the court he’s a pussycat which is in fact the diametric opposite of David Haye’s performance in Hamburg on Saturday.

I’m off to see a bit of one-day cricket on Wednesday and I’m hoping and praying that Jonathan Trott isn’t batting at number three. The lad doesn’t do one-day innings. He likes to spread ‘em out over two or three. Why the feck are they picking him?

Meanwhile a Latin American model has promised to strip if Paraguay win the Copa America. Given I listened to a BBC 5Live broadcast that listed the reasons why England’s national team is shite (too many foreigners, club v country, media pressure, being a bit too tired, schoolboy centre-halves just hoofing it, being generally a bit crap, etc.) maybe it’s time that Capello resorted to these more alternative incentives.

That's a mobile phone in her cleavage by the way. Wonder if it's on vibrate.

Frankly the lass in question, a Senorita Larissa Riquelme, leaves not too much to the imagination, but it must be worth sounding out Rachel Riley just in case.

220 comments:

  1. Sorry to rain on anybody else's parade. Couldn't help myself. (a bit like David Haye - more like David Brent)

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  2. Nice one Robbo.

    I didn't see the Haye fight, nor the Wimbledon's mens final. Caught a glimpse of the Sharipova v Licky semi-final, it was almost like soft porn.

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  3. Well another weekend of entirely forgettable british sporting crapness.
    Crapello should use that Paraguayan lass as inspiration by promising the boys that unless they win the Euros next year, hes gonna get that appalling plastic monstrosity Jordan to bang them all.
    Can anyone beat that for motivation? I really would chew my own arm off to get away from her. Damn, now i've put mesen off me lunch

    Korgull

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  4. Come on Korgull, mate. This is the granny shagging, wife stealing, cheap prossy porking, hit anything with a pulse England team your talking about. Jordan would be a step up for most of them.

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  5. Aston Villa have opened compensation talks with Birmingham City over Blues' former manager Alex McLeish.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    ---
    Won't getting Villa relegated next season be compensation enough?

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  6. Fight of the decade?

    Thank god the decade is well young.

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  7. Now you can experience your very own women's tennis final by tying the tale of your cat to a rocking chair.

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  8. Ohh those pics....



    ... makes it difficult to read the blog at work place.

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  9. Damn you H2H, see what youve done? Youve totally undermined my argument by reminding me that our supposed heroes are just a bunch of morally devoid slagshaggers! I thought Jordan was as bad as it gets, but now you say shes a step up there must be much worse than her out there.
    Oh yeah, i forgot, they're called WAGs

    Korgull

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  10. murray missed one easy forehand and seemed to crumple into his own perception of the inevitable

    as for larissa riquelme, a quick look at google images clearly shows that she will strip nude whether or not columbia win the copa americana

    brazil and argentina are doing badly for some reason. Brazil fans have been heard chanting at their team "England, it's just like watching England"

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  11. The youngest player in the Premier League era to win the title has just signed for Manchester City.

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  12. England Under-21 coach Stuart Pearce will act as assistant coach to the Under-20 side for July's World Cup in Colombia.
    ---

    just to make sure they fuck it up on all levels.

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  13. good stuff Robbo, I thought Stevie G's pre and post match interviews are the same and all recorded pre-season!

    Off to celebrate obesity and independence!

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  14. Striker Carlos Tevez wants to leave Manchester City

    ---

    its coz of Clichy, innit? Its coz 'e is black, innit?

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  15. the worst of the worst of mankind?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14017661

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  16. Finally some transfer activity...

    Bye Bye Clichy.

    Buy Buy 'Aly' Cissokho. Gibbs still has a lot of work to do.

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  17. BBC Sport reports that defender Andrew Taylor has joined Cardiff City from Middlesbrough. "I want to be playing back in the Premier League and I think this club is a club waiting to be in the Premier League," said Taylor.

    ---

    fbh must be heartbroken. possibly.

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  18. jacks, look away mate. just look away from this one...

    http://yankeegunnerblog.wordpress.com/2011/06/30/arsene-wengers-lost-team/

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  19. A motorcyclist died after crashing during a rally against mandatory helmet laws in America. Police said he would have been saved had he been wearing a helmet.

    --

    And they say American's don't do irony...

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  20. That's right Spits. No one does any irony out here. Almost everyone gets it done at the laundry.

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  21. See what America's done to my almost Wodehouse-ian British wit.

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  22. Good article that Spit.
    The environment surrounding the club is different when Henry left and now when Fabregas/Nasri might leave.

    We had played in CL Finals and there was a belief that we would continue to do well despite Henry's absence. But now such feeling is not their amongst players themselves and most of the fans.

    I dont know what the future holds for us this season. I'll be more happy if all the negative press related to suspect transfers and hyped up expectations for the club stops. This way players will feel more relaxed and they can continue to focus solely on the season ahead.

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  23. man with badly cut hair: blimey wot happened to yew?
    man with one ear: jack had his eyes closed again - yew too?
    man with badly cut hair: nah i did mine mesen with a knife and fork

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  24. Here's something for you Jack. From the imaginatively-titled Aussie version of Countdown.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmQyyiAiATA

    As for the Tour, what do you think so far mate? Cadel looking strong in a fairly strong team early on - a lot of expectation this year for him. As I expected, the talent from Saxobank followed the Schlecks across to Leopard Trek, so looks like Contador will have to do it himself if he wants the win. Obviously very early on, will have to wait for the Pyrennes before moves are made. If it's even a quarter as good as last years, then we're in for a great race.

    Noel

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  25. Just read my last post - I didn't post that link exclusively thinking it'd interest you Jack. Just as it's not anything about the other team in North London.

    Noel

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  26. Cadel looks in good form Noel.I think he's got,for once,a strong team around him as well as BMC showed in the team time trial.I think The Clenbuterol Kid is looking fine as well.He doesn't need much from his team once they hit the heights in the Pyrenees and the Alps.

    I'm not so sure about Schlek this year,he has had a quiet season building for this tour.I suspect he knows he has to get a big lead prior to the final time trial as Evans/Wiggins will take a couple of minutes out of him.

    I'd love Cadel of Brad to win it,but suspect Contador will be too strong for both of them in the high mountains.If they can attack him in the Massif Centrale that might help.

    So I'm going for...

    1.Contador
    2.Evans (again)
    3.Shleck

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  27. heh heh heres another

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16a9829EFUY&feature=related

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  28. Nice comment underneath that one.

    fatty y u watching countdown?

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  29. Yes indeed, the summer is in full swing.

    penisdump and cuntflaps?

    Wengers targets to replace outgoing players?

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  30. Noel,

    Cadel took a good stage win today.Pipped Contador on the line.Looked strong up the final climb as well.Contador looked as though he was on the limit.

    Maybe this year,maybe.....

    3 Brits in the top 10 still.

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  31. I'm getting real bored with all this transfer speculation bollox. I know it happens every year, but we (Arsenal) are getting absolutly hammered in the press and are looking like a bunch of pricks.

    I understand that players may want to leave, for whatever reason, i.e Cesc back home to Barca or plain ol' money, money, money. What pisses me off is when players say they want to leave to win trophies, yet weren't these the same players that in February were in contention to win four competitions? They were the ones that choked, if they wanted to win trophies so desperatly, then surely they should of bothered to play a bit better towards the end of the season. Fucking bottlers.

    As for the press, someone within the club really needs to come out and say something, either confirm that certain players will leave or squash the rumours, as I said above, we are looking like pricks and it's a PR nightmare.

    At least there's one piece of good news, we have strengthened our defence.......

    Good luck to Clichy at Citeh.

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  32. “I really believe if you are a player who thinks only about money then you could end up at Manchester City.”

    Gael Clichy after Adebayor joined Citeh in 2009.
    Priceless.

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  33. England ladies beat Japan to top their group.

    Can you Amanda and Eve it?

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  34. Apparently, they are up against ze germans next. Why the hell do we have to play them in every tournament!

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  35. Naa,

    it will be the old war time allies against each other, the winner deciding he WWIII. Germany vs. japan and England vs. France.

    Sort of.

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  36. Has the football started yet?

    btw Robbo, why do you never write about the Boro?

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  37. A couple of good goals v Japan by the England women... the men should take note.

    http://eurorivals.net/england:japan-highlights-goals-video_20110705.html

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  38. Niko Kranjcar has complained that Tottenham's £12million valuation of him is jeopardising his chances of a move away from White Hart Lane.
    ---

    "Seriously, you guys. I aint wurf it" he added.

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  39. Porto striker Falcao says he would love to play in the Premier League next season, paving the way for Chelsea to make a £26.5m move.
    ---

    I never knew the magic words were ' I would love to play in Premier League' or 'I would love to play for barca' or 'who wouldnt love to play in italy?'

    therefore, I, Spits, solemnly declare that I would love to play for Monaco and I would also like to be married to Gisele B√ľndchen and would love to have affairs, random hookups and threesomes with any and all of Camron Diaz, Scarlet Johansson, Olivia wilde, Candice Swanepoel... basically my picks from the FHM, Maxim and AskMen top 100 hottest women of the current year.

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  40. Jacks, I don't watch the stages live, unless I want to stay up until 2am, so I just catch the highlight shows each day. When they get into the mountains then I'll stay up and watch it live. Sounds good if Cadel can beat Contador early on when they should both be fresh. Alberto has a bit of a gap to catch up first after that first day crash before he can even start to build a lead, so it all looks good for Cadel. Like you said, hopefully this year. I also like the new rules for green jersey points - seeing Cav win the intermediate sprint yesterday shows he's taking it seriously. Shame he had the points taken away, but shows he's in great form. Also, nice of Thor to offer to take Cav's penalty himself. Considering the previous history of those two in the last few Tours, I thought it was a great gesture.

    State of Origin III tonight - the decider. Being built up as the greatest game ever - Darren Lockyer's last Origin, Queensland have the chance to win 6 straight series (which would be a record), but locked at 1-1 and NSW have been the better team all series. Going to be one hell of a game. C'mon the Blues.

    Noel

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  41. Everton's goalkeepers to use 'camouflage' shirt for 2011/12
    --

    bet they'd be well chuffed when they find out the premier league will be using camouflage balls for 2011/12

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  42. The scum of the earth, that is the News Corporation and that bastard Murdoch even had the phones of victims of the 7/7 terror bombings hacked.

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  43. http://www.goal.com/en/news/1717/editorial/2011/07/05/2561525/the-arsenal-exodus-why-nasri-clichy-could-be-a-sign-of-things-to-

    -------

    now here is a point not often associated with our prudent club that shall not be named... many overpaid players

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  44. The problem is NOT that they are overpaid. The ones who deserve are not being paid enough.

    yeah, I hate the figures being paid to footballers too but once in a market, you have to pay the going rate.

    Cesc Fabregas is paid 98,000 pounds where as Clichy will now get paid 140,000 pounds. Lampard is reportedly at 160,000.

    Go Compare.

    Now if they were, as a club, winning trophies, there could be another class of players who'd be ready to play for a bit less but seeing how thats not going to happen any time soon, get used to slightly above average if you havent already.

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  45. Morning all.

    One way to deal with wages. Abolish contract system and put in place annual reviews and appraisals systems.

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  46. http://theballisround.co.uk/2011/07/06/what-comes-around-goes-around/

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  47. my favourite episode of countdown was the one where the schoolboy managed to get lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimupotrimmatosilphioliparomelitoaktakexhumenokichlepikossuphophattoperisteralektruonoptopiphallidokinklopeleioplagoosiraiobaphetragalopterugon, which was a classical greek fish dish

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  48. A wag from Bury on the Pheeel McNulty blog about Tevez leaving Citeh has this to say about the attractions of "Oop North" to foreign players...

    "It always surprises me when northern English teams manage to attract top players because they don't just get to play for the club, they have to live here too. Cheshire may well be full of footballers' mansions but it still rains all the time.
    Going back twelve or so years, Middlesbrough were the real surprise, signing the likes of Juninho and Ravanelli. Have you seen the place? Its hideous - even worse than Bolton!"

    The question is, never having been there, how accurate is his description of Middlesbrough?

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  49. Roger T,

    its one life's blessings to be able to state that you have never been to Middlesbrough.

    The place has seen better days.

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  50. Sorry Blogidy,I missed that one.

    Could you just run that by me again?

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  51. Very interesting and informative blog, jacks.

    But why pick a non-league side?

    they dont have to be amateurs anymore, do they?

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  52. jacks, i said my favourite episode of countdown was the one where the schoolgirl managed to get lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimupotrimmatosilphioliparomelitoaktakexhumenokichlepikossuphophattoperisteralektruonoptopiphallidokinklopeleioplagoosiraiobaphetragalopterugon, who was the centre forward for panathanikos in the 2nd century AD

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  53. Not any more,no.

    But with the prevarication of the SFA,WFA and NIFA (They don't believe FIFA will allow them to remain as independent nations after competing as Team GB at 2012,despite FIFA promising that won't be the case.Although having said that,a promise from FIFA is only worth half of nothing) maybe that's all we'll have to chose from for a GB football team (plus Beckham,as anything to increase his brand awareness)

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  54. Blogidy,was that the one where his opponent only managed to get lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimupotrimmatosilphioliparomelitoaktakexhumenokichlepikossuphophattoperisteralektruonoptopiphallidokinklopeleioplagoosiraiobaphetragalopterugo on the same round?

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  55. Spit - I almost went to Smogsville once when I was an impetuous youth following The not-so-mighty Cobblers round the country - I think we drew them in a cup game. Luckily on the evening before the game I came down with a bad case of the squits so had to "sit" it out - wot a shame!

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  56. spit trouble is this is a market distorted by the bottomless money pots of the billionaires so the going rate is not a fair going rate established by perfect competition and the desireability/popularity of the commodity; wages are wholly diproportionate to players' true value in the market because these plutocrats are on some kind of mad animate panini sticker collecting ego trip, or in roman's case a serial pursuit of young blonde mediterranean underachievers

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  57. if only carol had chosen another N, jack

    carol was also heard to mutter theres is no f'in lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimupotrimmatosilphioliparomelitoaktakexhumenokichlepikossuphophattoperisteralektruonoptopiphallidokinklopeleioplagoosiraiobaphetragalopterugon and she was right

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  58. I was at Ayersome Park many a moon ago, I don't remember too much about it though, I think we won 3-1. I rememeber it being a bit industrial, but I can't say that I found it a dump.

    Sheffield on the other hand........

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  59. I guess there are worse places to go than Middlesbrough, but why would you?

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  60. mornin' Lads, reminds me of a song.. I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
    I took the hand of a preacher woman and we fucked in the sun
    But I ran out of places and friendly faces and though I'd been thorough
    I've been to paradise but never Middlesbrough

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  61. West Ham manager Sam Allardyce has ruled out the possibility of Sammy Lee joining him as his first-team coach.
    Full story: Talksport

    -----
    One fat git per club is enough.

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  62. Newcastle managing director Derek Llambias says "not one penny" of the £35m received for Andy Carroll is being spent on anything other than reinvestment in players.
    Full story: Daily Telegraph
    ====
    He meant to stop talking after the word "anything", but Mike gave him a kick under the table.

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  63. Finally, the Charlie Adam to Liverpool saga seems to have ended. The amount of time it's taken, you'd think he was lionel fucking messi. Now we can stop competing with 'arry for midfielders and focus on getting a couple of decent wide players.

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  64. Injury-plagued former Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves has posted a video on YouTube to prove his fitness to potential new clubs.
    Full story: Daily Mirror

    ----
    He's hoping to sign for the highest bidder on e-bay.

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  65. Whilst on the 'boro bandwagon - "Middlesbrough striker and SPL record goalscorer Kris Boyd is set for talks with Turkish side Eskisehirspor, BBC Sport reports."

    -----------------------------------------------
    Speaks volumes for the SPL. Record goal scorer signs for Eskimo-spurs.

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  66. Spit, my point in posting that article was exactly that, some (poor) players are majorly overpaid which leads to some players being underpaid (silly money but that the reality of todays market),

    ---
    BeeZee

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  67. Couldn't agree more Beezee, Ngog on 40k/wk, Diaby on 60k etc. are ridiculous amounts of money. It does come back to bite the club's though, when they want to get rid of these players (City with bridge,wright phillips, Jo, Liverpool with Ngog, Poulsen, Cole etc), they find no takers and are stuck with a huge wage bill that prevents them from making new signings that they need (less so in City's case admittedly as their money pits are bottomless)

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  68. make them do countdown that will sort it out

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  69. So liverpool finally sign Adams...

    I wonder what state of mind Ian Holloway is?

    Poor man, he still has to grab the concept of player contract, an offer bid, transfer fee ...

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  70. So - who mentioned The Boro!?!?

    Now then.

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  71. Arggh Middlesbrough - breathes in - pause - exhales - nice

    Houses for less than 100k - many less than 50k - lovely moors and countryside and seaside - the Parmo - the biggest and oldest and only working Tranny in Europe - and easily available hard drugs and soft prossies - what more do ya want!?!?!

    (p.s. soft drugs and hard prossies - not big and not clever)

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  72. no one mentioned the Boro.

    Middlesbrough on the other hand...

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  73. Brojke i slova is the Serbian version of countdown. The winner gets a billion zloty (27p) rather than the crappy dictionary - what anagram nerd doesn't have a dictionary - and a countdown teapot containing the ashes if Richard whitely which is a shit prize

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  74. I can't fucking stand it. can't we get a new game to ful this football free nightmare zone. How about......

    ....Afghanistan would like its national game, buzkashi, or goat-grabbing, to be an Olympic sport. Regarded as the world's wildest game, it involves riders on horseback competing to grab a goat carcass, and gallop clear of the others to drop it in a chalked circle. It has been played on Afghanistan's northern steppe for centuries. The game used to be the sport of rich rival warlords but is now also financed by Afghan mobile phone companies and private airlines. But it is still not a sport for the faint-hearted, and women should not apply.

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  75. To fulfil my Buzkashi glory grabbing whore ambitions, I'd like to know where I can buy a scarf and bobble hat in the colors of my favourite goat riders in the sky - the Nurestan Nannies.

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  76. goat-grabbing ? I've done a bit of ass-grabbing in my time, but this is somewhat different I guess.

    I see Gervinho has all but signed up for A*****l. Will it be enough to stop Nasri though? If Fab does go, Wenger should steal Modric with the money, right from under Roman's nose.

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  77. telex is thicker, greedier, uglier and more morally bankrupt even than rooney

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  78. I realise the Daily Mail isn't one to let the facts get in the way of a good story, but this lot takes the fucking biscuit! If only it was as decadant as this bint makes out.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010622/The-squidionaires-Baa-rain--seafood-oil-tourism-penguins-Falklands-rich.html

    Noel

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  79. Blimey Noel, a quid a minute for internet? I feel priviliged to read your posts! They should be in gold letters!

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  80. Telex is cheaper and he's from Argentina!

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  81. Like I said Trott, she's been economical with the truth. By not using any. Our internet is very expensive, but not quite a quid a minute. And it's more to do with our provider being a monopoly so they can charge what they want. American company - Cable & Wireless. And luckily I'm currently in Australia, so my internet is cheap.

    My personal favourite was the oil rig worker who said that there's a British sub in the area. Military's across the world spend billions on inventing the most stealthy and invisible submarines possible, but an oil rig can find them with their bog standard radar. Haha.

    Noel

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  82. And why exactly would a radar catch a sub is a good guess.

    Why was it flying, when it normally isnt meant to?

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  83. I think the reporter just went to the Victory Bar, and sat and listened to drunk twats, then just printed what they were saying. Plenty of whales in the southern oceans - the 'radars' may have seen them, but they'd never see a modern day submarine.

    Noel

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  84. enjoy

    http://youtu.be/cds7lSHawAw

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  85. West Ham hope to end Joe Cole's Liverpool misery by bringing the midfielder back to Upton Park on loan.
    ---

    I did not know being paid 95000 quid a week for doing nothing was called a misery. Wish I was that miserable.

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  86. I'd be happy to share in your misery, Spits.

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  87. Well, misery loves company, AH...

    YNWA!! ;p

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  88. A sad day in the Lowlands;

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14063640

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  89. Barcelona are prepared to wait until the end of the transfer window to force Arsenal's hand over the sale of Fabregas and have dismissed Real Madrid's interest in the Spanish international as "trouble-making".
    Full story: the Independent
    =======
    Pot, kettle, black.

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  90. TOP TIP: NOTW Customers, don't worry, a wide range of alternatives are available in the toilet paper aisle.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Unconfirmed reports of Gazza heading to the NOTW HQ with some chicken and a 6 pack. He was reported to be looking for his old friend Rupert...

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  92. Guess I am being insensitive. Perhaps we should stop crowing, and spare a thought for NOTW employees like Mystic Meg, facing an uncertain future....

    ReplyDelete
  93. No more NOTW!?

    Who cares? It's not gonna make a shit bit of differance. They'll probably just change the name to The Sunday Sun or something like that. In the end Murdoch will still be running his evil empire while building his secret deathstar and no one can stop him. Mwahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Bang on the money H.

    The Sun on Sunday, it is.

    Reportedly, the current bru ha has put astrain on Murdoch's relationship with Satan.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Ha Ha Spit.

    I'd advise him to try the same thing Saddam did;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS0TDmInsxk

    Bar time... Boooing.

    ReplyDelete
  96. continuing the NOTW theme,
    Hugh Grant to be next 007,
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14052690

    --
    BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  97. I hate Barca and its players more and more as each day passes by..

    http://www.goal.com/en/news/12/spain/2011/07/07/2564794/daniel-alves-urges-arsenals-cesc-fabregas-to-force-barcelona

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  98. I took ecstasy once .. turned out it was made from a dishwasher tablet.

    Felt like shit but my teeth have never been cleaner

    ReplyDelete
  99. From the beeb,

    Gay's season ended by hip injury.

    ---

    that is just funny.

    ReplyDelete
  100. G'day all

    Bloody hell, if we don't talk about the unmentionables in here not much gets said.

    Well Spit, gays need their hips to be limbre, so I have been told, so to have an injured one would be just devastating dearie.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Looks like it Bo.

    Jacks killed robbo's blog with his hatred of Arsenal.

    And to top it all off, he doesnt even come here any more bringing us up to date with the goings of Ipswich, Stoke and Newcastle.

    ReplyDelete
  102. I'll need to have words with him when I see him in October.

    ReplyDelete
  103. I have another pointless meeting on some strategy for increasing productivity and cutting something or other, perfect place to catch up on office emails and other paper work while nodding the head occasionally as if in agreement.

    laters.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Bowyer may be signing for Ipswich.

    Danny Higginbottom is hoping to return for Stoke in October (nice bloke,met him when Kathryn joined the Stoke City 7s)

    Pardew is concerned that Jose Enrique might end up at Ar***al to replace Clichy.

    Thor Hushovd still holds a 1 second lead over Cadel Evans in Le Tour de France,which he should hold until we hit the mountains of the Pyrennees next week.The Clenbuterol Kid,Alberto Contador,has to make up 1 min 30 secs over the other pre race favourites of Andy Schlek,Cadel,Robert Gesink,Jurgen Van der Broek and Bradley Wiggins.Geraint Thomas still holds the white jersey for best young rider,which he'll lose in the mountains to either Gesink or Van der Broek.First team stage victory for Team Sky yesterday,Edvald Boassen Hagen pipping Matty Goss,which follows on from Cav opening his account the day before.

    On a personal note,I'm stony broke aqfter spending yesterday on presents for a)our 10th wedding anniversary (14th July,Bastille Day so easy to remember) and b)Mrs Jack's birthday (18th July)

    Enough info now?

    ReplyDelete
  105. Hatred for Arsenal is a bit strong (I was once accused,by our correspondent from The Netherlands) of being a closet G***er.

    Besides,I've always had a soft spot for the none top 4 clubs,so I'll be back to hoping Ar***al do well after the next season....

    ReplyDelete
  106. If Stoke also showed an interest I'd be able to offer a royal flush....

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/14055945.stm

    ReplyDelete
  107. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/murdoch-forces-normal-people-to-agree-with-the-guardian-201107054035/

    ReplyDelete
  108. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/british-sport-welcomes-haye-excuse-201107044027/

    ReplyDelete
  109. After being given notice that I have to move out of the house I am renting BY 29th September, I have since been informed that I need to give 21 days notice if I want to vacate earlier than that date... go figure.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Jacks,

    I suggest you do the christmas shopping as well , while you are at it.

    beat the rush and all that.

    ReplyDelete
  111. A dedicated excuse expert? or a wife.

    ReplyDelete
  112. jacksofbuxton said...
    If Stoke also showed an interest I'd be able to offer a royal flush....

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/14055945.stm

    ---

    yeah, not that often that Stoke AND Arsenal go for the same player.

    ReplyDelete
  113. That's true.

    Why would anyone with dreams of progress want to go to a club going backwards and flogging off all their best players?

    ReplyDelete
  114. Am I right in assuming that Sunderland have been the busiest club of the premier League in termsn of players signed?

    ReplyDelete
  115. And that united have spent the most money?

    ReplyDelete
  116. BREAKING NEWS!

    And it's good news for the Vale faithful, in the transfer sensation of the summer....

    Port Vale have signed Messi!

    -News of the World

    ReplyDelete
  117. I've already expressed my sympathy to the editor of the NOTW.

    I left him a message on my answer phone.

    ReplyDelete
  118. http://newsthump.com/2011/07/08/rebekah-brooks-is-keyser-soze/

    ReplyDelete
  119. Manchester City have confirmed the City of Manchester Stadium at Eastlands will be renamed the Etihad Stadium after striking a 10-year partnership agreement with Etihad Airways.
    ---

    Sometimes, I too take money from one pocket and put it in the other.

    Sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  120. He's back on the beeb.....

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/profile.shtml?userid=13953063&skip=0

    ReplyDelete
  121. Come on Jacks....

    Admit it now..

    You've always had a soft spot for the gunners.



    And not just the one you sit on.

    ReplyDelete
  122. I think I've touched a nerve there.

    *steps back slowly*


    SO, the Tour de Frogland.... What's that all about then?

    ReplyDelete
  123. Drugs in the main.

    But not the happy clappy types.

    ReplyDelete
  124. just why would one take drugs that not make one a happy chappy.

    seems like such a waste, if you ask me.

    ReplyDelete
  125. for instance, if I was given the option to choose between the red and the blue pill, I would have taken both of them.

    The issue one must have is whether to get wasted or not. When chosing between unknown drugs, I am not the one to be extra cautious

    ReplyDelete
  126. Guys in a group, wearing biker shorts, chasing each other and taking crappy drugs. Sounds more like a gay rave then a sporting event.

    Well, UK peaple, now that the NOTW is gone can you please start the proceedings to get rid of the Daily Mail? Thanx.

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  127. I want you to get rid of the Mail so badly, that it seems I can't thank you enough.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Spit, down a yellow one and a green one at the same time, when you're feeling blue.

    ReplyDelete
  129. I thought if you were feeling blue, you could take a yellow and come out all green...

    thats how the ecomentalists are made, arent they?

    ReplyDelete
  130. Look,just because they wear lycra,shave their legs,have several massages a day,chase down everyone,have fantastic tans and hang around in groups does not make it a gay rave.

    Not one professional cyclist in existence has ever bought a P*t S**p B**s cd for example.

    ReplyDelete
  131. I dont get it when the rugby fans slag football for being weak.

    may be.

    but well build men with big boobs, in tight kits get in to pile ons on any slightest of chances, try get on top of each other, grab the others by hte crotch, the thighs, the arse....

    it couldnt be bloody gayer if they tried.

    ReplyDelete
  132. I'm a bit colour blind Spit, too many disco bizkits back in the day, I suppose, or at least I'd like to suppose that's what's happened, my memory's a bit fuzzy too, I mean, I could of sworn Jacks had a soft spot for Arsenal. ;p

    ====

    Jacks, their only redeeming feature, yet, how do you explain that they realy compete hard for a pink shirt? Or one with bright spots, which is soooooooooo 80's?

    ReplyDelete
  133. How about tennis then?

    Two guys whacking balls trying to get a love game.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Injury-jinxed Owen Hargreaves' YouTube workout videos look set to land him a chance to save his career after his release by Manchester United - with his old England boss Sven Goran Eriksson at Leicester. Full story: Daily Mirror
    =====
    "workout videos"?

    Maybe he can get a deal with Jane Fonda if it doesn't "workout" at Leicester

    ReplyDelete
  135. Two die-hard Manchester City fans have spent £50,000 customising an old Chevrolet convertible car so that they can travel to matches in style.
    Full story: Metro

    ====
    Only problem is they can't afford the tickets to the game anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  136. well i hope they didnt put the City of Manchester Stadium in capital letters up front...

    ReplyDelete
  137. That would be the maglia rosa H2,or the overall leaders jersey in the Giro d'Italia.

    The bright spots one is the maillot a pois,the pea jersey,which is given to the leader of the King of the Mountains in Le Tour.

    ReplyDelete
  138. http://www.hasrebekahbrooksbeensackedyet.com/

    ReplyDelete
  139. I think the above website may change in the not too distant future. (unless she is indeed Keyzer Soze)

    ===

    I knew about the spotty shirt Jacks (only recently though) A lot of my regulars follow the TdF so I have the highlite show on in the late evening. They've also told me tales of all the previous Dutch participents, which mainly goes in one ear and out the other, but one story about a Dutch cyclists who one the King of the Mountain award and the inhabitants of his hometown painted their local bar white with spots, which is stilll there to this day (only one wall left spotty though) sticked, can't for the life of me remember his name though (damn bizkits)

    ReplyDelete
  140. Either Steven Rooks or Gert-Jan Theunisse H2.

    Probably Gert-Jan,as he was a bit of a character.

    ReplyDelete
  141. I'll find out over the weekend and let you know which one it was Jacks.

    ReplyDelete
  142. 1430: BREAKING FOOTBALL - Sven-Goran Eriksson tells BBC Sport he is keen to speak to former Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves about a possible move to Leicester, but cannot get hold of him.
    ---

    Hey Sven,

    why dont you write a comment on his youtube channel?

    just saying, like.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Or check the local physio's and chop shops.

    ReplyDelete
  144. Hi Jacks

    got to see most of todays TDF, shame Wiggs went out in the big crash but surprised SKY didnt leave GW on the road, with say one other

    but HTC in the last 10k, just like a train

    ReplyDelete
  145. on a serious note, I hope all are making some use of the Amazon Kindle.

    you dont even need to fork out the cash to buy the device if you have a PC at home. Just download a simple app directly from amazon and with you get access to hundreds of classics in english and other languages that have been made avaialable for free.

    also, handy if there are kids in the house.

    ReplyDelete
  146. you know what sometimes this country makes me vomit ... NotW hacking the phones of child.murder victims and widows and even celebs everyone's absolutely appalled and revolted, right? so who's been buying the fucking papers all this time in their fucking millions? and when the same shit, rebranded, is on the news stand in a couple of weeks who'll be buying it again? millions of English hypocrites this is truly the native land of the scum-sucker... how did they think this information was obtained? and don't even get me started on weasel politicians for them truth is like dawn to a vampire, apologies to the guardian who are just about the only people to emerge with any credit from this dog-won'-eat-dog affair but do we need newspapers anyway? if you want tittle tattle go on fucking Facebook or twatter .... would you want your son to ne a journalist? that question is now like asking would you want your daughter to be a prostitute ... and asking would you want your son to work as a journalist for the daily mail is like asking do you wish your brother was Ian huntley....the daily mail, its gone very quiet ... does anyone think that particular print form of mental illness isn't up to their fucking greasy fat necks in this scandal ? if the daily mail is the price we pay fit press freedom, its not worth it, what has this got to do with David Haye or the tdf ?... fuck all

    ReplyDelete
  147. the story about the spotty wall, h, in that hick dutch town, careful mate its a subterfuge to lure you into their Kill A Foreigner cellar... by the time you're close enough to realise the "spots" are bloodstained bullet holes in the wall, it will be too late

    ReplyDelete
  148. Blog, sensationalism in the media is a worldwide phenomenum and not peculiar to the UK. As you rightly point out, if the public didn't want to know about this trash they wouldn't buy the papers or watch half the stuff that passes for news on the box.

    Being a conspiracy theorist of long standing, I view this latest peice of nonsence with a touch of synicism. I do not for one moment condone the tapping or hacking of phones by the media but government bodies have been doing this for years under the guise of national security without much interference, especially since that guy who was dumped in the ocean supposedly flew a couple of planes into the twin towers. It would be pretty naive to think that every phone that has been tapped by a government body has been that of a criminal or some arab suicide bomber.

    Anyway, I wish they had hacked into Wenger's phone (sorry Jack), they could have let us know if there was any new signings in the pipeline.

    ReplyDelete
  149. Morning Tony,

    I think Sky have based themselves this year around Bradley getting a podium in the tour,hence them keeping riders back to limit any time loss for Bradley.Such a shame as his form has been good.These little accidents happen though.It's been noticeable that Cadel Evans and Andy Schlek have been very visible at the front of the peleton to avoid these accidents.

    HTC gave the perfect lead out for Cav.They will have buried themselves for him as today is more of a stage for the strong men,Gilbert,Voeckler,Chavanel,and not one for the sprinters.

    ReplyDelete
  150. Murdoch is a sick sick son of a bitch. By shutting down NOTW, he has put himself in prime position to let his bid for BSkyB bid accepted.

    ReplyDelete
  151. I think that was his thinking Spitfire.Allow a couple of months to go by before launching The Sun on Sunday and call in his favour with Cameron to let News Corps purchase BSkyB.

    As far as the News International group is concerned The Sun will still make him plenty of cash.What is noticeable is,Independent and Grauniad apart,the remainder of the press has given this a kid gloves approach.I listened to Piers Moron being interviewed a couple of months back,he was very strong in his condemnation of NOTW,but when asked if this went on at The Mirror his language changed quite a bit "Not aware of" all that old toot.

    Also been quite intrigued to read various commentators suggest that it's the public to blame as we want to read about these things.Isn't that a little bit like blaming the pensioners of Hyde for allowing Harold Shipman to treat them?

    ReplyDelete
  152. I think you're right thats the intention spitfire (a good beer from shepherds neame) but looks like the bids about to collapse ...this scandal is damaging Cameron politically through his connections with coulson and wade ...James Murdoch 'fit and proper person' obviously not

    Murdochs malign influence over British politics is finished.

    ReplyDelete
  153. jacks there's little no choice over who your gp is, mines a tosser but I'm stuck with him, ... no one has to buy the news if the world . that's choice. the tabloid press in thus city is unique, it combines a right wing, xeniphobic, homophobic, europhobic vitro - the mail is the worst - with prurient celebrity obsessed little tattle and they've lost the ability to distinguish between Kim kardashian whoever the fuck she is who swims in publicity like a fish in water and normal people who deserve privacy
    the public is no better, anyone who bought the NotW and now complains is like a meat eater moaning about abatoirs

    ReplyDelete
  154. Bo I don't know maybe the ozzie press is as bad I don't know but I doubt it . In France they've got the opposite problem .needs balance privacy v free press

    ReplyDelete
  155. Jacks - congrats on the wedding anniversary for next week. 10 years ago I'd just turned 21 and started my electrical apprenticeship (better late than never). Seems like a lifetime ago already.

    Bad luck for Bradley yesterday. A genuine top 5 contender, not so sure about a podium though. Crashes seem to be a theme in this year's Tour. Good to see Cadel's arse-chin up at the front of the peleton staying clear of the chaos. Jacks will know the answer to this - why is Frank Schlek not getting much of a mention on this years Tour? I haven't seen much of him after he crashed out early last year, but is he not as strong a rider as his brother? I had the impression last year that Frank was the team leader, and Andy only stepped up after his broseph hit the cobbles?

    All this scandal in the British media - you don't get that with the Penguin News (national paper of the Falkland Islands).

    Noel

    ReplyDelete
  156. Coogan's bit angry...

    http://youtu.be/SkeSJLgzG8k

    ReplyDelete
  157. I loved the reporters closing remark there Spit, "...the world will be a poorer place without it." I'm not sure if he is talking about the NotW or what he considers to be the end of the free press in England.

    My recollections of the NotW, was sneaking it away from the lounge room on a sunday arvo and reading about the sexual deviants... real or imaginary.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Afternoon chaps.

    Whoa, where to start?

    OK, first off, Jacks, it was the town of Oterleek (not to far from where I am) that has the spotty (blood stained, tee hee Blogs) walled cafe in honour of Mr Steven Rooks.

    Bloggs, nice rant. I hope none of our sons ever become a mild mannered reporter by day and a rent boy by night. It would surely kill us all.

    "Look up in the sky"

    "Is it a bird? Is it a plane?"

    "No, it's a cock sucking, phone taping, shitbag scum journo"

    "Shit, that's my kid, pass me a gun" KAPLOOW.
    ---
    Totaly agree that the public at large is to blame as they buy that crap, I'm curious to see if the upcomming Sun on Sunday (same shit different smell) will be popular. If it is then, well, they (the public) has only got themselves to blame.

    What ever happened to once bitten twice shy?

    ReplyDelete
  159. Frank is more of a climber Noel,he doesn't have a decent time trial in him.Andy has been the team leader for a couple of years now,since he showed his potential in the 2008 Tour.Frank was there to help the then team leader Carlos Sastre in the mountains,and is there to do the same for Andy.

    In fact Frank has said that his ambition for this year's Tour is for Andy to win it,with himself hopefully in the top 5.

    As for Bradley,it is a shame but he made a mistake.Always ride at the front of the peleton to stay out of trouble.

    Good looking stage today,should see the GC contenders in action for the first time.

    ReplyDelete
  160. BojanglesInOz said...
    Blog, sensationalism in the media is a worldwide phenomenum and not peculiar to the UK.
    ====
    True, but at the same time not completly accurate.
    I can assure you that a footballers private life would never be splashed accross the front page of a newspaper here in The NL. Nor would you find pictures of half naked chippys/wags or photo's or reports about no mark celebs getting drunk out of a limo on their way to a swanky nightclub or wherever. Nor would they run stories about a woman who threw a cat into a bin and hound her for the next few weeks, printing everything they can find on all the bad things she'd ever done. Why?

    Well, basically because no one over here could really give a toss, it's just not news, nor is it relevant to any of our lives. There are of course magazines that have pics and gossip about those in the spotlight, but these publications are viewed for what they are, just tittle tattle, and not as any kind of journolistic coup.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Nice vid Spit.

    That Paul McMullen geezer is the epitome of what is wrong with the red top press. He really doesn't think that he's done anything wrong, does he?

    Got to admire his bottle though for sitting there and publucily admitting that he's a total toerag.

    OK, enough admiration, we've let him have his say, now let's castrate him and burn him at the stake.

    Ye haw!!!

    ReplyDelete
  162. mornin' Lads, shit's hittin' the fan eh? On my way over on Wednesday, two weeks in Blighty, which paper can I buy to read the racing page without getting stoned?

    England v France, come on lasses!

    ReplyDelete
  163. If your looking for papers to get stoned, I'd reccomend Rizla's.

    Come on En-ger-land la-dies.

    ReplyDelete
  164. H, no worries on that score with me, I don't do drugs, I just stick to the muscle relaxants, pain killers, anti-inflammatories and steroids for the back issue!

    ReplyDelete
  165. Sounds great Trott, spark one up for me.

    ReplyDelete
  166. Aaaaaahhhh. Damn shame. An equaliser in the last few minutes, all subs used, some players looking in trouble and a few on yellow cards.

    Women or men, it's always a roller-coaster ride watching England.

    Good luck girls, ya gunna need it.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Crap.

    But well played ladies, you showed more balls then I can ever remember seeing shown by the men.

    ReplyDelete
  168. I mean, who knew England were shite at penalties. LIke.

    ReplyDelete
  169. I was probably over generalising when I said it was a world-wide problem H2. I was being typically anglo saxon by using the world when referring to the anglicised parts. The Oz press is a tamer version of Fleet street.. and from what I have heard the American press is much the same.... my daughter went out with a Canadian and his view of the Canadian press was similar to how you guys view the English press.

    ReplyDelete
  170. Why is it that English footballers are unable to articulate their thoughts without sounding thick. I just watched an interview with Johan Djourou who is Sengalese/Swiss. Obviously English for him is very much a second language, possibly even third language, yet his command of the English language is superior to any English footballer I have seen interviewed.

    ReplyDelete
  171. 9 htc riders in formation... cav the fastest in the world sitting at the back of the train and then launching for home... great sight

    gutted for Bradley

    ReplyDelete
  172. have a good return to the source, or sauce, trott ... that back trouble, its the stress of being in exile

    ReplyDelete
  173. Bo its a class thing. English players haven't got it.

    ReplyDelete
  174. foreigners are funny little geezers aren't they, even big foreign women are funny little geezers, just more alluring than the male ones

    foreigners aren't like us. they lay eggs and eat garlic and win at football . will the new national footed centre lift this mood of black despair? or will it make us want to kill ourselves ? time will tell who knows I'm still thinking about all them big foreign women

    ReplyDelete
  175. of course it won't work foreigners are paedophiles who train their young footballers intensively in underground sex dungeons ... their success is not worth the price we haven't even worked out we have to pay yet

    ReplyDelete
  176. Bo Trott H2H one thing I can't stand is emigrants, going over there sleeping with their women in your former British colonies and lowlands retreats and all for what better quality of life. pannencoken big prawns burgers the size of frisbees and endless sunshine and rain and better women hang on, wheres me passport

    ReplyDelete
  177. no one believes in Arsenes mad scheme to build a team of ever tinier homunculi ....except Arsene as evidenced by his plan to bring in 6 andalusian dwarfs who when they stand around the centre circle waiting for kick off resemble a charm bracelet

    ReplyDelete
  178. maybe a deal with the devil could revive our national footballing fortunes although we must be careful for, as Stewart lee reminds us in todays observer, Mickey Mouse thought that he could use the occult to clean his floor more quickly, but he soon became the terrified victim of loads of singing brooms

    ReplyDelete
  179. I'm just gibbering to myself here arent I some people can't shut the fuck up even when they're on their own can they ?

    Boiiii.nnngggg...!

    ReplyDelete
  180. The only thing I'll agree with you on there Blog is the women. I'm not sure if English women are just naturally plain or Aussie women are just naturally stunning. eg this Aussie beauty.

    ReplyDelete
  181. my god the commentators and production team have to work hard to make f1 seem interesting

    this is one sport we (secretly) dominate..in the championship standings eight of the top 10 cars are made in Britain –

    Red Bulls ....Milton Keynes
    McLarens ....Woking
    Mercedes ...Brackley
    Renaults ...Enstone.

    ReplyDelete
  182. now that was an exciting finish

    ReplyDelete
  183. Murdoch explains...

    http://www.borowitzreport.com/2011/07/10/a-letter-from-rupert-murdoch/

    ReplyDelete
  184. Arsenal have lodged an £18m bid for Aston Villa winger Stewart Downing, report Sky Sports.
    ---
    erm, WHY?

    ReplyDelete
  185. hey lads, is my 3 page fold out green driving licence still ok to use in England?

    ReplyDelete
  186. Its perfect Trott, but here's a practical tip.

    If you hire a car, use your american license. This way, if you get caught out by one of the millions of speed cameras, they can stuff the tickets/points up their behinds.

    ReplyDelete