Monday, 31 October 2011

The Case For The Defence

Ooh the crotch seams of football statisticians are splitting under the strain. The Premier League has thus far mustered an average of 2.97 goals per game. (The 0.97 of a goal is presumably the one Messrs Bent and Adebayor keep just missing – and there’s nowt more satisfying that your mercenary goalscorer failing to do the one bit of his job he’s really paid for.)

More like Smack 'im Like a Mackem

This surprising stat is supposed to indicate a sad decline in the art of defending. But are defenders really getting worse? Well yes. They’re fucking shite.

I’d like to start by blaming it on Rio. Not Ferdinand, who more and more he resembles an old dodderer from an Ibuleve advert, but Rio the city – in fact Brazil as a whole. Full-backs these days are duty bound to be auxiliary wingers. They get forward so frequently that they even have their own verb ‘bombing on’ to describe the phenomenon.

Not only does every full-back think he’s Cafu, he defends like them n all. A full-back gets notice d these days for pace and crossing ability and pace. Who gives a toss if he’s got the positional sense of a bat in ear-muffs (that’s you that is, Glen Johnson).

Jose Bosingwa, Chelsea’s mono-browed raider, needs a guide-dog to get him back into the right-hand side of defence. Kyle Walker is a tip-top lad going forward but I’m not convinced that he doesn’t need his hand-holding when he’s fending off an attacking left-winger. Leighton Baines is Everton’s biggest goal threat but he’s so impressed with Chicharito’s finishing he pulls up a deckchair and tokes on a ciggie from his front-row seat.

Of course Brazil’s compensation to this policy of outflanking the opponents was the two holding midfielders - two cloggers to shield your centre backs and guard your penalty box with your life. In a perfect world these players would be Claude Makelele and Claude Makalele. (Incidentally, the translation of ‘Makalele’ is ‘Scouse banjo’)

Now, apart from Fulham, and Man City, whose squad is the football equivalent of my wife’s frigging wardrobe (there’s something for every occasion with Adam Johnson being Mancini’s emergency all-purpose accessory and Carlos Tevez the big ugly back-of-the-drawer knickers) most teams seem to eschew this safety mechanism in favour of a headlong rush toward the opposition.

Chelsea v Arsenal featured those sturdy central operators Alex Song and John Obi Mikel. I still can’t quite believe Mikel inspired such a tug-of-war between Man U and Chelsea a while back. At the time I believe he was an attacking midfielder – he certainly defends like one. Song makes more sense in the role but even he was powerless to prevent wave after wave of Blue Meanies stomping through the Thin Red Line. I say thin – when a roof leaks at Arsenal’s training ground they send Sczesny up a ladder with a box of one-ply fragranced tissues.

While you’re never surprised to see Koscielny and Djourou behaving like men who’ve woking up with their heads down the wrong end of their sleeping-bags, it was weird to see the likes of Cashley and Terry looking similarly deranged.

‘Course the seeing John Terry fall over is a joy forever. Moscow memories came flooding back as the grim-faced plodder’s mug smacked into the Stamford Bridge turf and Robin Van Persie galloped off to confirm his status as a member of Wenger’s Irreplaceables. (Team-mates include Fabregas, Nasri, Henry, Vieira – Arsene makes ‘em skipper, they can’t wait to go).

Villas-Boas claimed the League Cup win at Goodison in midweek was for the skipper as he seeks to fight off accusations of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand. If it’s true it would show just how dense Terry is – all them weaknesses in Anton Ferdinand’s game and he chooses to pick up on an irrelevance of the colour of his skin? Better surely just to point how what a crap footballer he is.

Terry doing his best Yosemite Sam impression: "Oh, You Robin!!"

As for Ashley Cole, well he got a good roasting by Theo Walcott (unfortunate turn of phrase but you know what I mean) and spent much of the time playing three or four yards behind the rest of the defence. It’s the first time someone has played the sweeper role at left back.

The thing is these blokes aren’t bad players – or at least they haven’t been. Terry lacks pace, but he’s managed to get around that until recently. It doesn’t help when David Luiz – the result of a hideous cloning experiment between Brian May and a headless chicken – is his partner in crime .

There’s some merit in saying that footballers don’t defend well these days cos the rules don’t really permit it. Good tackles get punished way too often. One of the greatest arts of the modern forward is the well-timed tumble. I’ve seen newborn foals make a better effort to stay on their feet. I honestly don’t think a lot of players know how to tackle these days, so they (a) don’t bother – (the Taarabt Option) or (b) tackle anyway and get sent off (the Cattermolean School).

There are exceptions: Scott Parker and errr... well that’s it really.

The upshot of all this suicidal defending is loads of goals and top players strutting their stuff. As well as RVP, there’s RVdV, Silva to Aguero’s Lone Ranger, and Grant Holt. The Premier League should always have space for an English centre-forward who looks like he spent the morning with one hand on the slot machine and the other on a pint of Badger’s Best.

Who Ate All The [Delia's] Pies?

Nevertheless I sometimes wonder whether the Flash Harrys might not be doing their bit at the toher end. Watch Barca. Never mind all the Billy Smart’s Circus stuff around the opposition’s box, the way they chase the ball when they lose it like a pack of Duracell-packed Jack Russells is an object lesson to all footballers.

PS I see El Hadj Diouf has signed for Doncaster for three months. Apparently it’ll get cut to 6 weeks for good behaviour.

215 comments:

  1. Only did that to try and stop an anonymous nicking top spot again.I'll read the blog now.

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  2. The solution for Glenn Johnson is clogger Lucas. Nationality-wise, I'd admit, Liverpool got this wrong.

    I'd rather have a Brazilian full back and an English hardman in the centre.

    But we don't.

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  3. Good one Robbo. It's better to see more chances being created and goals being scored than to sit through a painful goalless draw.

    Arsenal must be on top of the table when it comes to be on the receiving end from teams scoring from long range shots!!

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  4. I love this attacking game me.

    course you'd too if you spent a good part of 80s and 90s following arsenal.

    btw, Arteta is so slow compared to the rest of arsenal's passers he's considered the 2nd holding midfielder. He holds the ball far too long.

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  5. btw, you now have the same opinion as Gerry Neville.

    thought I'd point it out.

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  6. btw 2,

    RvP now has more goals at Stamford bridge than Fernando Torres.

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  7. good stuff Robbo, We're trying to contribute to the entertainment value of the prem by employing shit full backs that can't bomb forward and can barely crawl back.

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  8. tip of the cap to Len Killeen.

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  9. Another top blog Robbo. The defending has been (as Hansen would say) "vairy vairy pooer" this season. Gives me some hope we might even beat Chelski to third if Ledley stays fit.

    Anyone else reckon John Terry is past it? Should be very interesting if JT and Rio are paired in England's next match, given that JT is supposed to have abused Anton Ferdinand.

    Spit, who is "Gerry Neville"? Gary's better looking (bar set low, but Phil still crawls under it) brother?

    Jedi

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  10. Meant to say you can tell Doncaster must be desperate. That can be the only reason for signing Diouf.

    Jedi

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  11. by eck that was a bad tackle by shawcross though

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  12. Owen Coyle is rather worryingly only 45 y.o. when he looks older than wenger and fergie combined.

    guess 'managing' bolton will do that to you.

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  13. I agree, the art of defending has now become abstract, but it does make for more entertaining games and the end of the day that's what it's all about.

    Who can honestly say they'd rather see a 0-0 draw then a 5 or 6 goal thriler?

    ps Kos is one of the most improved players in the PL, if it wasn't for RvP grabbing all the headlines for his goal scoring, then Kos would have picked up the MOTM award more often.

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  14. Spitfire said...
    Owen Coyle is rather worryingly only 45 y.o. when he looks older than wenger and fergie combined.

    guess 'managing' bolton will do that to you.
    ----------------------------------------------
    On a more positive note, he looks a fair bit younger than most of the Bolton players.

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  15. tony Pubis has had the pitch at Britannia shortened for tonight's match co apparently it suits their style and there is nothing in the PL regulation to stop him doing that.

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  16. Stoke fans - this is the Peter Crouch you should get used to - not the goal scoring one of a few weeks ago. Hehe.

    Trotts, it ain't looking good for Coyle is it? What's happened? It's like you haven't recovered from that cup semi final loss last season. Spurs went on a similar run after we last won the league cup - didn't win another game that season (well, maybe one or two games) and then started the next season in the same form. Took a change of manager to sort it out.

    Noel

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  17. AnfieldHopeful said...
    Fortune though pitted me against former league leader Adam on one of his weaker days..managing a comfortable victory there unless Ba gets a hat-trick.
    ===========================================
    Demba Ba's hat-trick ensured Newcastle continued their unbeaten run.
    ===============
    I've got to be the unluckiest manager in the history of football. Still managed to beat adam by 3 points.

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  18. I spent sat morning agonizing over demba ba or
    Mark Walters. Could have got it wrong worse I guess
    Bisq

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  19. Lot's of goals does not equate with exciting football. It just makes the players and managers look like they don't know what they are doing.

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  20. If poor defending makes for exciting matches then let's demand that the FA pass a new rule

    Rule 355.4 All defensive players must be a) blind b) paraplegic and c) not older than 12 years of age.

    Or why not

    Rule 355.4(revised) No players are allowed in their own half.

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  21. Morning.

    Newcastle upto 3rd in the table now. That's a freaking sight.

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  22. Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez would welcome a move to another Premier League club, according to his advisor Kia Joorabchian, who said: "His family are now living in England, so he's quite happy and settled."
    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ----------------------------
    Ohh fuck! What is he playing at??? No PL club would want to sign him and still his agent is doing PR rounds for him.

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  23. Another stunning performance last night, hopefully if we keep this form going, we can be second on saturday after beating Everton even if it will be for a short while.

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  24. Robbo here. Newcastle are defying belief. I've not been able to make a sly dig at 'em all season. Shit on paper, good on grass.

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  25. Robbo
    seems you've sorted out your blogged id... well done, makes it easier to distinguish from Anons now.

    Newcastle just decided to throw up a Halloween's Party for Chelsea & United yesterday. And if Spurs win their game in hand then Chelsea are out of top 4.

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  26. Robbo--Don't be so quick to praise RVP. Word here in the U.S. is he's being investigated for "facially abusing" Terry on his second goal last weekend.

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  27. Kermit see what I said about newcastle is true...hopefully you're back to being a believer again. even if they do lose to city and chelsea the next couple games, they're still going to be in good shape for the rest of the season. Hopefully for you they can continue the momentume in the second half of the season as well.

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  28. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15533998.stm
    --------------------
    Ballon D'Or nominees. I just scanned the list and RvP is missing. Surprise!!! FIFA once again shows its corrupt ugly side.

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  29. AH,

    Lets hope Newcastle can keep this up, I wont be to upset if we lose a couple of the next games, but the way we are playing we might just nick a point or two. We need to keep the run going as long as possible & get as many points in the bag before we loose players to the ACoN.

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  30. AnfieldHopeful said...
    Fortune though pitted me against former league leader Adam on one of his weaker days..managing a comfortable victory there unless Ba gets a hat-trick.
    ===========================================
    Demba Ba's hat-trick ensured Newcastle continued their unbeaten run.
    ===============
    I've got to be the unluckiest manager in the history of football. Still managed to beat adam by 3 points.
    ---

    you are lucky Ba gave away a penalty, other wise he'd have definitely got 3 bonus points that might have cost you dear.

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  31. are we sure Newcastle are not doing a Hull on us?

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  32. I actually assumed he would get 3 bonus points and added that to Adam's tally. Id be shocked if someone other than him got the 3 pts.
    ===========

    Missed the spurs-qpr game..was scotty parker as good as the papers claim ? seems like the FFL have given him the 3 bonus pts even though bale scored 2 of the 3 goals.

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  33. Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez would welcome a move to another Premier League club, according to his advisor Kia Joorabchian, who said: "His family are now living in England, so he's quite happy and settled."
    ---

    for fuck sake, why couldnt the family move earlier?

    I know why, coz now it hits where it really hurts i.e. wallet.

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  34. Newcastle have 4 tough games ahead - Everton(H), Man City(A), Man Utd(A), Chelsea(H). 4 draws would be ideal I guess.

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  35. SS,

    Wont argue with you there, but have the feeling we should take all 3 points against Everton, anything against the 2 Manc clubs would be nice & a point from Chelski would round that off nicely

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  36. Yeah tough one that as I want to see all clubs ahead of us presently to drop some points. ;-)

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  37. I think were seeing joorabchians glove puppet get his comeuppance, which will probably mean only 100 instead of 200k, but at least everyone can see him now for what he is. He'd be a good buy for arsenal but them he's always a good buy until the goodbye then everyone, SAF excepted, ends up with burnt fingers.

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  38. I only got 2 appearance points for Parker! Where are my bonus points for him ? Gotta be said I thought I'd get some bonus for Suarez as well but what do I know I left ba on the bench
    Bisq

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  39. Sir Bobby Charlton says Sir Alex Ferguson will continue to manage Manchester United for as long as he possibly can. "He'll go on and on and on. Absolutely. You'll have to put up with him for a while yet."
    =====================================================

    Seems we'll have to wait for the old bastard to die.

    So far all of Un**ed's games against the, so called, top teams have been played at home, so the second half of the season should be a bit tougher for them.

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  40. Early impressions... Marseilles are all over us... we are finding difficult getting out of our own half.

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  41. I think Ramsey is struggling. Bring on Arshavin.

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  42. A farly even first half. Unfortunately for us, most of our better chances fell to Ramsey (who has had a shit game so far.) I say this almost every week but Song should not go forward, he is often responsible for our attack breaking down. Park hasn't been in the game, Gervinho hasn't done a lot, Walcott has had a reasonable game... he looks to be the most dangerous Arsenal forward. I think Jenkinson is having a pretty good game.

    We should have been given a penalty; Diawarra handled the ball in the penalty area but the ref gave the free-kick just outside.

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  43. Ramsey is struggling?

    you must be joking.

    he's been the most driven player for the first half.

    Its park who's been anonymous, Gervinho needs to improve his final pass, Song has spent most of the half on the left side since santos knows shite about defending.

    other than that, not a bad half of footy.

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  44. from the beeb-----------

    "Genk got beaten 5-0 a fortnight ago by a team that lost to a team 5-3 that were thrashed by a team 8-2 that got mauled at home 6-1. Gotta love football."

    --

    lovely.

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  45. A glance at BBC Live text will tell that Lee Dixon, former Arsenal man, is absolutely livid about Santos defensive duties.

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  46. santos must be really crap if dixon is having a go at him for being a bad defender

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  47. Just feels like Ramsey is struggling.. he held up his hamstring after taking a shot at goal. Even he is more content playing short passes.so of slightest of doubts...I would sub him.

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  48. Nothing but upward pointing green arrows for me in the FFL. Playing my wildcard seems to have done the trick. Bo, I recommend you play yours if you're still pondering it.

    Kermit, there's no reason your boys shouldn't get anything against Utd with the way you've been playing so far. I wish we played Utd this week instead of for our first game of the season - we'd put a cricket score past the wankers.

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  49. Fuck me - my profile is back!

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  50. Had that been a boxing match we would have lost it on points quite comfortably, as it is football matches are won by scoring goals so we managed to take a point out of the game.

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  51. did enough for a point.

    nothing more.

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  52. That was brilliant..outstanding game! :P

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  53. Rooney is on the shortlist for the Ballon d'Or... I think the reporter got it wrong... he's on the shortlist for the back door.

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  54. I can't agree entirely with you SS... the first half was fraught with errors from both teams. The second half I felt Marseilles played very well without looking too likely to score (more likely than us though.)

    I wouldn't say we deserved the point but I'll accept it just the same.

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  55. Chelsea. classy as ever.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15549449.stm

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  56. Ofcourse Bo. I was only kidding. Did'nt you see the smiley I put. Well that was 2 hours of sleep I lost yesterday..only that much, but we are still on course for qualifying to the next round.

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  57. Heard about the Billy Sharp story... hats off for his courage. He's earned respect of his fans and colleagues surely.

    Makes me wonder if Tevez who earns 250k a week can learn something from him.

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  58. And now Mancini says Tevez can come back and play if he says sorry and writes "I will not be a twat" a 100 times (in Spanish) on the board. How sweet of all of them.

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  59. And if that wasnt good enough Noel, you're up against me in Jacks H2H next week. You should be in with a shout for a CL place this time next week.

    I must admit being a little thrilled beating Adam by a single point. First time I have actually won a game that went so close.

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  60. Wierd week in the FFL for me.

    For a reason which I still can't fathom, my captain changed from RvP to Silva, so that cost me quite a few points.

    Slipped to joint second in the Robbo HtoH and moved up to second in Jacks' HtoH

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  61. I have moved down to 13 in Robbo and moved up to 13 in Jacks..so currently occupying lucky number 13 in both leagues. Up againt Noel and Trotts next week, so should know if its lucky or not.

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  62. I think Tevez could learn a lot from loads of people unfortunately he only seems to have taken his how to be a complete ass lessons

    DOing lots of work so not around much - need to sort FFL out if even Noel can beat me

    Pet Shop Boys rule

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  63. Is it?

    Could it be?

    Indeed it is!

    An IOU supporter and less then a month after a butt kicking from their "noisy neighbours".

    Hi Adam. ;)

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  64. Spurs playmaker Rafael van der Vaart has warned Arsenal not to get carried away with their win over Chelsea, insisting Spurs are still the best team in north London.
    Full story: Metro

    ====

    Well done Fanny Fart, you'vre just administered the kiss of death that down the years many a tiny tot has uttered. Recent efforts supplied by P Crouch (now a munster) R Keane (now in space/LA Galaxy) and J Defoe (still useless)

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  65. ps Rafael, if your reading, give me the word and I'll teach you the meaning of the word "still".

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  66. Just saw the Billy Sharp thing.

    Tear jerking moment that puts it all into perspective. Condolances to him and his family.

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  67. City could do worse than hire Sharp to go over to Tevez's tell him the mening of being a 'professional'

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  68. well said H, just read that story, amazing courage.

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  69. I wouldn't say I just beat you Adam - it was almost a 6-1 style mauling. Over 20 points in it!;) My new look team was very impressive - I even had 25 points on the bench, so I have a bit of depth to my squad for once.

    Yeah I saw the Billy Sharp thing too - well done to the ref for not being a Premiier-League standard twat-ref and booking him for revealing his t-shirt.

    As for Tevez, Man City have slowly done a complete u-turn with him. From 'he's finished here and will never play for me again' to halving his fine, and now saying he will play for them again if he says sorry.

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  70. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/7654267.stm

    if monkeys can work in rsteraunts why not...Monkey Football?

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  71. Michael Owen (you remember him, he used to play for... errr Liverpool) is injured again after just 10 minutes into the European match vs Otelul Galati (I think they make ice cream or something)... Ferie say's he "feels sorry for the lad"... lad???... he's fucking nigh on as old as me... then again I suppose everyone is a lad compared to Fergie.

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  72. Those monkeys seem more intelligent that a number of footballers I have seen interviewed, so why not monkey football indeed.

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  73. Bale would fit into the simian game as seamlessly as he'll blend into the England er Britain squad for the Olympics, Bo

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  74. Hearts are broken or broke st least

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  75. I am surprised there are any football clubs in Scotland that are solvent. If League One teams are struggling to keep their head above water, I have no idea how the Scot's are managing it.

    Bale would Blog but how would he go waiting table in Japan?

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  76. Morning all.

    Bo,if you're in tomorrow I'll ring you at the usual time if I may.

    A brief visit from Adam I notice.

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  77. Of course Jack... won't be a problem... was just asking after you in the sanctuary

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  78. He is the first Un**ed supporter to make an appearance since they were beaten by the noisy neighbours.... not that they have been regulars in here for some time now mind.

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  79. I wonder if he'll ever return Bo.

    I'd forgotten all about the sanctuary,with Mike being away plus various other complications.Must get in there today.

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  80. Morning all, and its a relief from the heat and mozzies of SW Florida, and now onward back to D-land

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  81. H2H

    you have another top table clash in h2h, hopefully I can retain topspot with Ba

    Millers no wins in 8, not good

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  82. Robbo MacRobson

    My dog (golden lab) has just eaten a whole frozen salmon he pilfered from the freezer. Eyeballs, tail, balls or fanny (I'm not sure which), bones, gristle. I'm stunned at the awsomeness. No sore tummy, no vomitus, no shivers or shakes.

    And yet, when Dundee United lost 3-1 at home to the sheep-shagg... errrrrm I meant Aberdeen, he puked his guts up.

    How d'ye explain that then?

    Disclaimer: My golden lab has not been violated by John Terry, Wayne Rooney or Carlos (the jackal) Puyol.

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  83. BTW my Norm de Ploom for FFl is Gingangooly.....................gingangoo.

    Yep, I'm fooked.

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  84. England boss Fabio Capello will speak to the Football Association before deciding whether to include John Terry in his squad for the friendlies against Spain and Sweden.

    ---

    how thick is crapello that unless a player in his previous squad list dies and/or gets himself injured, he wouldnt even consider other players? espciall yif they are younger that the original name on the list?

    He is the AntiWenger if there ever was one.

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  85. landmark day for cricket (sport?). cricketers sent to jail for fixing. cant help feeling sorry for them (not that any other result would have worked). spl amir, going to jail for 1500 quid when he could have ,ade thousands more just by being a good bowler.

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  86. After reading the last half dozen entries all I can say is; whale oil beef hooked.

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  87. Bo
    Do you get much whale oil on the WC?

    and
    WTF is Capello doing picking J(call me a cunt)T

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  88. there is hope for Greece after all, since they seem to be the only country tht understands the menaing of word democracy.

    too bad the vast majority of them is unrealistic in their expectations in terms social welfare the state can afford.

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  89. If Terry gets picked for the upcomming international games he will inevitably be captain and lead the team out...


    Shame on us.

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  90. cross bred labrador/huskie/grizzly would explain it HA, genetically engineered with the dna of a frozen chicken, bet he glows in the dark and shits pure belgian chocolate

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  91. spit - they've just called the referendum off. democracy is the tool of dictators, or summat

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  92. blog, its still better than having a vice -president of the ECB as an un-elected PM who'd be a puppet of Merkel and Sarkozy I suppose.

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  93. No whale oil here anymore Tone, not since we banned whaling in the late seventies.

    Fulham v Wisla Krakow is an entertaining match... not a lot of skill on show but both sides in attack mode and going for it.

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  94. I see Tottenham Hotspurs have totally demolished their opponents in the Europa League. Best Club in London my Arse.

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  95. They are the best club in Tottenham though Spit.

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  96. Spit, I find the claim that Spurs are the best club in London a bit much as well, but you can't compare a team made up mainly of reserves to our first XI. Even so, they did very well to travel to Russia and only lose 1-0 to a team that beat Barca in the Nou Camp just two years ago.

    And I reckon, at this present moment,that Spurs could beat any other team in London, but over the course of the season I expect Chelsea and possibly Arsenal to finish above us.

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  97. If you can finish above Ar***al Noel,then you should avoid relegation.

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  98. only refering to comments made by a certain fanny fart, not more than a couple of days ago Noel.

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  99. Of course, one of the side effects of all the advancement in modern medicine is that Alex Fergosun is still alive & well

    Well Done Sir.

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  100. Bo,these numbers I've got for you have decided not to work this morning.Strange as they worked before you came over.I'll investigate and try again.

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  101. Red wine obviously works wonders Spits.

    That and a shed load of cash.

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  102. I think we should be safe from relegation, Jacks due to our geographical position - teams from Lancashire seem to be monopolising the relegation spots these days.

    Fed up with the Fergie love-in over on the BBC website at the moment. Can't Roy Keane call him a cunt or something to give a more balanced viewpoint? The fact that I hate him so much must be a sign of begrudging respect I suppose.

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  103. In fairness to The Govan Beetroot,he may be a one eyed bugger (but then again,aren't all managers?) but he has been a constant success,created so many decent trophy winning teams and changed football in this country.

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  104. If you finish above Arsenal Noel, you'll probably be champions.

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  105. o just admit it, you all wish your club manager was such a single minded fucker, hell bent on winnning each and everything year in, year out.

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  106. Makes no difference if most managers want to win everything year in, year out (as most would like)... if you are not one of the wealthy clubs it aint gonna happen.

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  107. Noel, it's not that I hate Fergie as such... whoever was in charge of Un**ed I would no doubt eventually hate... it goes with the territory. The last Un**ed manager I had time for was Matt Busby... the rest since have been cunts... except of course for Tommy Docherty, who managed them in their relegation year (1974 I think it was.)

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  108. I've only ever known Fergie to be Utd's manager, Bo. I didn't get into football until 1990 when I was 10 due to living in a country without tv and the local football pitch being a minefield thanks to some greasy Argie wankers.

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  109. Got it sussed Bo.I put an extra zero in for some reason.

    I'll ring you Monday morning.

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  110. So.. the mystery remains unsolved...why did HA s dog eat a frozen salmon

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  111. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15570277.stm

    --

    now where's that form to apply for a German passport?

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  112. and why did kamikaze pilots wear crash helmets

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  113. and - I read that were genetically 4% neanderthal - who was it exactly who decided to fuck a neanderthal ? ? They make girls from bootle look pretty - I assume a bunch of cavelads discovered home brew barley wine got pissed and one days to another .... I bet you wouldn't shag one of them neanderthal birds....

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  114. Who would win the inter species football league humans it neanderthals?

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  115. And which side would bale play for?

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  116. Bale is captain of the Simian XI

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  117. Germany needs Greece spit to keep the euro weak or no one would be able to afford their gear

    The euro is Hitlers revenge

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  118. I'll believe we've finally achieved the racial equality we dream of jack when someone throws a banana at him

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  119. Nick the Cavelad says to paddy the cavelad that neanderthal bird is on heat will you have sex with her for 400 glass beads?

    Paddy has a think and says yer on three conditions....

    1. my family don't find out
    2. I don't have to kiss and
    3. I get 3 weeks to get the money together.

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  120. Monday's no good Jack. Any day after is fine though.

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  121. 1st v 9th in FFL. Good luck Tone.

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  122. Blog

    BlogDaddy

    I think you meant we are 99% or above neanderthal.

    Ffs we are at least 96% Dung Beetle (or there abouts hehehehehehe).

    "I love the the smell of elephant shit in the morning".

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  123. A recent research article from Cambridge University has established that Arsenal fans are in fact more related to the ebola virus than other mammalian DNA strands.

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  124. It'll have to be next Friday then Bo.

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  125. Is that the same research that showed Dundee/Dundee United (who cares,sweaty socks that they are) are more related to dog shit on the bottom of a tramps shoe?

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  126. jacksofbuxton

    Is that the same research that showed Dundee/Dundee United (who cares,sweaty socks that they are) are more related to dog shit on the bottom of a tramps shoe?

    No. It's the same research that claimed all Barbers (especially from Buxton) are really gay. They are in denial but due to bucolic pressure have to hide their true identities.

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  127. Nothing against gays btw. My best friend was from Buxton.

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  128. Is this because I rejected you HA?

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  129. SS
    Glad I didnt play you last week, would have been a high scoring loss 69-67

    Isnt Cambridge where most Arse and Spurs fans live?

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  130. Nothing against gays btw also
    Drunk one under the table once

    need to rephrase that
    he tried to drink more than me and remain sober, I won

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  131. Apart from Noel, everybody has a grudging respect for the Govan Beetroot, even AW, after all their spats

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/15598424.stm
    Wonder what Rafa would say

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  132. Not much of a fan of SAF the man, but as a manager he has no equal in the UK, his achievements are many and his record speaks for itself. It's easy to say he's been lucky to be at a big club like IOU, but those of us with longer memories will also remember he wasn't too bad at Aberdeen, where he managet to break the Glasgow monopoly during his reign. I could give you a whole list of managerial failures at big money clubs, so respect where respect is due.

    ====
    Noel. Any club in the PL can beat any other on any given day, that's the beauty of footy. I've seen that Spurs have improved and they have a decent squad. It's just that every year when they string a few results together we get the "Spurs are the new power" bollox.

    One season in the CL is nice, but compared to Arsenal/Chelsea's record it doesn't mean shit. Fleet Street must be full of Spuds. Spurs may very well one day be the biggest club in London, but to do that you'll have to at least win a PL title (not just top 4) and that hasn't happened in over half a century. 50 years,6 months and 16 days to be precise.

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  133. I bet its the 16 days that hurt the most....

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  134. Blimey tone, what were you both drinking? ...hope it wasn't marc almond

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  135. The clincher for me with SAF was the way he let tevez go ... to man city, stroke of genius, compare the crass embarrassment of the now obviously ridiculous Welcome to Manchester poster featuring argie stig

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  136. Just did a quick Wiki on Prem Managers, and you do have to hand it to Manu and SAF, for what they have achieved

    Next in line is AW who after 3 caretakers and Graham & Rioch, on 15 years, so you gooners dont be too disheartened, your board is loyal, even if the cupboard is a little bit dusty at the mo)

    cf most mgrs--- Chelski 15 mgrs(2 caretakers together 4 days), Barcodes 20(7 caretakers) & Spurs 18(8 caretakers)

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  137. Canadian Club Whisky when I was in TO, drank it like tea, but obviosly not as much as SAF

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  138. I have respect for Fergie's achievements, Tone, but I think the bloke himself is a cunt of epic proportions, and everything he stands for and has created would make Adolf Hitler think, 'This bloke is a bit evil ain't he?'.

    H, for the record I don't think that we are the biggest club in London - it's just the media writing crap as they always do. I think we've improved hugely ever since Martin Jol was installed as manager (slight downward spiral with Ramos!), but that may all change if Harry goes to the England job. Like you say, it would take years of sustained achievement above Arsenal and Chelsea.

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  139. I do agree with your comments about Ferguson H2 and I do recall his tenure at Aberdeen. And there have been many a manager that has failed at a team with money. I would also laud ferguson for his achievements at Un**ed, they have been outstanding and I doubt there are too many managers around that could have had the same success at Un**ed as he has had but I would also like to see how he would have gone at a club like Norwich or WBA for example.

    Whoever the manager, you have to have the backing to put together a decent squad if you want to be successful in football today.... that applies all over the world, not just the PL.

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  140. One for the Rooney fans

    ........With Rooney......Without Rooney

    Played......73_______________29
    Won.........44_______________20
    Lost..........13_______________5
    Drawn.......16_______________4
    For........139_______________64
    Against.....63_______________24
    Win %.......60.3%____________69%

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  141. Of course those figures do not tell you who the opposition teams were when we won with or without Rooney but I think it's fair to say that Rooney is not the talisman that we try to make him out to be.

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  142. Noel.

    You are a top geezer and the most sensible Tottenham fan I've ever met (even though I've never met you, but you know what I mean.) Respect!!

    Bo

    Once again we're in agreement, we may have different views, but we both dislike Fergiscum and still respect him in equal amounts. Good point about Norwich WBA etc, although I do recall he was offered the Wolves job while he was at Aberdeen, but declined because he wanted to see how far he could take the Scotish club.

    What if, Ehh?

    As for Rooney, well stats don't lie, even if the red tops do. He has messiah status in the UK based on a goal here and there and some good performannces. He's a good player, no doubt and has his worth at Utd, but (as he is often ststed as) world class or the perfect talisman? No, not by a long shot.

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  143. I'm assuming that you owning a pub and it being late on a Friday night contributed to your kind words there, H! Cheers.

    For those of you who like rugby league, the England v Australia match later on today should be a very, very good game. Unfortunately it's on at 2.30am here, so I'll probably miss it live, but England have their best team in decades, and the Aussies are on top form too. The English forwards are particularly strong, with Gareth Ellis being widely regarded as the best second-row forward in the world. Just a shame Sam Burgess is injured as he's one of the best front-row forwards in the world too. But I think the Aussie backs will have too much pace and movement and they'll win.

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  144. Tottenham - the top team in London?

    Just to add to the small debate that has been going on here between Noel and a couple of our resident gunners.

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  145. But I'm not saying they are the top team in London!! As I've said - I think if we played Chelsea tomorrow, we'd beat them. We played Arsenal a few weeks ago and beat them. BUT!!!!! Over the course of the season we will drop many points to teams like Wolves, West Brom, Wigan etc. like we always do, so at the end of the season (which is the only time that any conclusions can be made!) we will be below Chelsea and probably below Arsenal. Therefore, we won't be the best team in London.

    The BBC blog was only posing the question based on recent form - it wasn't (like most posters on there seem to think) saying that we were the best and would mount a serious title challenge this season. We will be about 15 points behind both Manc clubs come the end of the season.

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  146. Noel - mate I think you should take your words back. You should never have so clearly and unequivocally stated that Spurs are the best team in London and have always been so. I am forced to deduct 10 poitns from your H2H score this week :).

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  147. Additionally, I think the posters here have their ire directed not at the BBC column but at VdV statement which is surely going to return to haunt him soon.

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  148. What a bunch of fair-minded bloggers we have at the mo, tho sometimes you miss the absolute blinkered biased views that used to frequent here.

    We from the lower leagues me, Blog. Bo(and his 2nd team, or 1st?)Jacks,Colch and others watch and occasionally stoke the fires and wait for the reactiob

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  149. Anyway a total footie afternoon and early evening here in HH

    St Pauli v GF(met some Bhoys last night in town for the game)
    Barcodes v Toffees
    WBA v Arse
    Colin Wankers team v Man C
    mixed in with all the other German BL games

    Does it get any better?

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  150. Did you just say stoke should be in the lower leagues tone ?

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  151. Stoke City to win the Europa League and play Barcelona in the Super Cup Final.

    That would please UEFA.

    Home to bottom placed Doncaster today.I have a suspicion it may not go to plan.....

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  152. AH
    I knew someone would pick up on that

    I agree with Jacks,unless red cards get in their way, Pubis doing a good job

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  153. Gooners they're being fairminded(yawn) cos they feel sorry for you.

    The league table tells me that spurs are the best team In London at the mo because they have the same points as chelsea from a game fewer and have played most of the top teams. Past records ain't worth shit ask Leeds (5-0).

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  154. Newcastle up to 2nd. Kermit, you can stop grinning now.

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  155. I would love to see Newcastle take out the league title but unfortunately it wont happen.... the bubble will burst soon but it is fun while it lasts.

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  156. 1-0 down all ready.

    El-Hadji Diouf

    I'm spitting at that.....

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  157. That'll be 2-0 down then.

    Billy Sharp this time.

    Can't begrudge him that though.

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  158. At least I can console myself with the knowledge that my team are the best side in Ipswich.

    (Although The Blazing Rag "B" might argue the toss on that one)

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  159. 3-0

    Diouf again.

    Wonder if there's a Bond film on TV?

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  160. GARY NEVILLE. Use Movember as an excuse to finally grow that ridiculous moustache and look less like a crap Musketeer

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  161. SS11

    I give in already, rotation causing havoc in my team

    At least the Millers are winning at HT

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  162. Bloody hell Jack, you'll be sending out an SOS for Keano soon.

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  163. There's just no stopping van Persie... another goal this afternoon with the second half still to come.

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  164. A man has been admitted to Buxton hospital with 7 My Little Pony toys stuck up his arse.Doctors have described his position as stable.

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  165. Suarez is definitely the new torres for liverpool. He has an off day and we cant get even 1 past swansea at home. Probably the same result against chelsea as well next. Doesnt matter who we play apparently, we will always score only as many as we let in. Horrible performance.

    Did anyone see the miss from torres at ewood? I dont feel happy seeing him like this anymore...whatever happened to that poor guy ?

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  166. You could build a couple of hospitals for 50 million AH and I guess he's got the decency to realise he's not worth it

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  167. Heres hoping for big wins by Fulham and Bolton tomorrow with goals galore from Clint, Andy, Nigel and Chris, but dont mind with Huth chipping in with a couple, to give me any chance against SS

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  168. A controvesial decision by the ref sees Un**ed win again at OT (nothing new there.) The ref, on the assistant's call) gives a penalty to Sunderland for handball in the box, only to reverse the decision after being surrounded by Un**ed players. It appears the right decision was made at the end but how often do you see a ref change his mind while being badgered by players.... only at OT it would seem.

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  169. The gunners had an effortless win against a poor WBA last night... there was nothing to get enthusiastic about in the victory though, the Baggies offered no resistance at all and the 3-0 margin should have been greater.

    The mighty O's had a draw at home to middle of the table Harlepool, so not a great result there but at least we didn't lose.

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  170. Just had a quick glance at the FFL and I don't think you need me to have a 10 point penalty AH - Van Persie has pretty much outscored my whole team on his own! I have some big players to come, but unless Spurs win 20-0, with Bale getting sent off, I can't see me catching you now.

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  171. Just looked at it myself Noel, and not too often I get pleasantly surprised. I seem to be comfortably heading for victory in both H2Hs. Not bad at all considering the past few gameweeks.

    Hopefully Bale can get a hat-trick and Begovic make 25 saves to get me into the top 10 in the regular leagues as well.

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  172. mornin Lads, well done AH. A fine performance!

    Best news we've had for weeks, Sturridge is back according to a BBC article!

    "Capello confirmed that Bolton striker Daniel Sturridge will be selected in the squad, along with Rooney's Manchester United team-mate Danny Welbeck."

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  173. is it Me, Capello or the BBC reporter who got it wrong?

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  174. Sounds to me like you've got both sturridge and welbeck Trotts.

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  175. Now you've got me worried Noel. With Eagles scoring so early, and with VdV and Adebayor to come for you, it could get interesting.

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  176. Iknow I said I wanted Trotts lot to win big, but that was good

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  177. Fantastic performance by Fulham sees them lose 1-3 to spurs. one of the best football matches I have seen in a long time.

    And Bale nullifying Eagles performance sees me comfortably see of Noel in the end. Woohoo! 4 green arrows this week.

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  178. I know that was a bit of a melee but how did the ref miss Walker doing Friedels job?

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  179. Playing stoke after they've played in Europe is basically a bye

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  180. We have one happy trotter today... a good win for your guys mate.

    I'll be glad when this week is over so we can get rid of fucking Fergie's face from the BBC football site... I'm fed up looking at his grinning visage wherever you look.

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  181. Can't believe that goal was credited to Bale! It was going wide I reckon. Still, managed to close the gap to a more respectable one AH, and managed to beat Colch in the other H2H. An above average score for my team was good enough for me, the recovery is still progressing. Now we've got another bloody international break. It's a sad indictment on the game when having international games is considered a pain in the arse.

    As for Spurs, how we won that match I'll never know, but surely a positive sign that we didn't collapse as we would have done a few years ago. Be interesting if the rumours about Spurs offering Harry a new contract are true as we'll see where his future lies.

    Micah Richards again omitted from Crapello's squad. And no place for Aaron Lennon who has been in great form these last three or four games since he came back from injury. The sooner Fabio fucks off the better.

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  182. And well done to Trott's boys. Came up against Stoke at a good time, but they still had to perform and they did well. Klasnic back on form too.

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  183. Could 50mebody please 5h0ut out today'5 B0lton v 5t0ke 5c0re please?”

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  184. eh up, 5 goals and no bookings it's a miracle! flying up the league now.

    And Blog, normally, playing Bolton after they've played bingo in Oldham is a bye but not this week!

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  185. Things I've learned today:

    The answer to the question 'who ate all the pies?' seems to be 'David Platt'. Jeez, he's piled it on hasn't he?

    Secondly, I should be eating some humble pie - I wasn't happy when Spurs signed a 40 year old keeper in the summer, but Brad Friedel has been a very good signing for us. Maybe Harry knows more about football than me after all.

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  186. Very much a pie-related post that one.

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  187. Which are obviously the best type of posts.

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  188. Corned beef and tattie pie with chips after bonfire night Saturday evening.Mushy peas,curry sauce.Bottle of Sam Smiths Pale Ale.

    Splendid.

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  189. Jesus Christ jacks ... mush peas and curry sauce?!

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  190. Do we celebrate killing a catholic who was trying to undo the reformation or a peoples champion who nearly succeeded blowing up the self interested cunts in power ? Or both.

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  191. Bo Mich is I agree an egregious omission but at least sturridge is there this time

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  192. Well played trott. But no one likes seeing stoke humiliated like that do they heh heh heh

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