Sunday, 12 February 2012

Luis Suarez and the Ugly Face of Football

The judge in the Harry Redknapp tax evasion case suggested that football had ‘lost its way’ in this country. I couldn’t agree more. This week highlighted it more than most.

First of all, Redknapp is acquitted – rightly, from what one can glean – but none of the intimate details suggest that the words ‘squeaky-clean’ can be ascribed to matters financial at Portsmouth Football Club during Mandaric’s reign. Still, no laws were apparently broken. I myself have now set up a Monaco account under the name of my granddaughter’s guinea-pig. As yet there’s nowt in Fifi64, but give it time.

Next, Fabio Capello hands in his notice cos the FA has told him he can’t have an alleged racist as team captain. Fabio isn’t having it, so he bails out. Of course the Italian insists he didn’t look for an escape exit, it’s just that David Bernstein pulled the lever on a trapdoor that had, since 2010, been mysteriously rusted up.

It’s one of those issues that the ‘sport-and-politics-shouldn’t-mix’ brigade are up in arms about, but you have to be a fuckwitted student of history to believe that. Anyone who thinks that the sports embargo on South Africa had nothing to do with the downfall of apartheid isn’t reading the same books as I have.

The recent death of Basil D’Oliveira served as a reminder that the basic tenet of treating people differently because of the colour of their skin should be resisted at all costs. The fact that Capello saw no political overtones to being the coach of a national team suggests to me that the man shouldn’t have had the job in the first place.

Okay, so the FA, in all its leaden incompetence, managed to make the right decision in the wrong way – it would have been nice to have consulted Fabio before making the announcement – but that’s beside the point.



The manager cannot be immune to the bigger picture. Which brings us to Luis Suarez. I don’t know how comfortable the Liverpool squad were wearing them Suarez 7 t-shirts a while back. I’m pretty sure they’ll be wishing they hadn’t bothered now.

The build-up to this Saturday’s fixture was all about putting events behind you and moving on. The handshake was even touted in some places as an underlining of that.

There’s an acknowledgement among most football fans that Patrice Evra is both a fine left-back and a bit of a knob. (There are many such examples in the modern game. And not all of them play for Man U.)

Nevertheless Evra, urged on no doubt by the wise words of Sepp Blatter on such matters, did dangle a limp mitt in Suarez’s direction and the Uruguayan ignored it, going from bewildered mascot to the slightly more bewildered David De Gea. (To be fair, De Gea might have been disorientated as much by his selection ahead of Lindegaard as the opposition striker’s behaviour.)

Unsurprisingly, Rio Ferdinand – barracked at Chelsea for having the audacity to be the brother of a man who has allegedly been racially abused – refused to shake El Divo’s hand in return, and lo and behold we’re back to square one.

Dalglish, like some antsy doe-eyed parent, has stood four-square behind Suarez before, during and after the eight-game ban. And this is how the bloke repays him. Add to that a Luis special of a performance, neat flicks combined with ludicrous writhing, and it all gets crowned with Evra whipping up the Stretford End into a lather of schadenfraude at Suarez’s defeat.

Ugly isn’t the word. If football had a face at the moment it’d make Andrew Lloyd Webber look like Hayley Atwell.

Not Andrew Lloyd Webber

Fergie’s righteous ire, coupled with a gentle censure of his left-back, was on this occasion forgivable. He’s a pious old rogue sometimes but I agree with him. They need to take that ungrateful little nerk into a small cupboard in Anfield and give him a serious talking-to.

From the moment Liverpool refused to contest the ban, Suarez could forget about being treated as the innocent party. He needs to bloody well shape up or they can send him to, I dunno, Poland where his views might be more sympathetically embraced.

Just as with these utter bankers who are still trousering bollock-twistingly large amounts of money despite their contribution to our blasted economy, so footballers and managers need to understand that part of the quid pro quo of huge salaries and public adoration is a responsibility to at least try to uphold the best standards of society.

Yes, maybe that’s unfair on a bunch of none-too-bright young men whose feet talk better than their gobs, but that’s their reality. Capello can’t stomp off in high dudgeon just cos his employers want to impose a political decision on him. It’s in the nature of his ex-job. Ravel Morrison shouldn’t be tweeting homophobic shite either.

Hopefully Harry understands this. Redknapp’s literacy may well be limited entirely to football, but the England manager has to muddy his mitts in the murky waters of morality too. Of course he’s the obvious choice and not cos he’s English. McClaren, Keegan, Taylor, it’s a roll-call of concrete-shoe-wearers jumping in at the wrong end of the local baths.



But my fear is simply that Redknapp could get swept up by events beyond his control –and if you look at his testimony in the recent court case you’d have to conclude that a lot of his life is beyond his control – and instead of having an upbeat youthful team unburdened by stupid expectation attempting to play the game the right way, you have Avram Redknapp moping along the touchline like a latter-day Eeyore.

I’d have no objection to Guus Hiddink getting the role and Harry carrying on putting a bit of entertainment on to the football parks of England by staying where he is. Whoever it is, at least they don’t have to fret about whether to select Luis Suarez. Or John Terry, actually, if they want my advice.

229 comments:

  1. Not funny this time... But spot on

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  2. Personally, Suarez is a very big loser both on and off the pitch

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  3. I agree with your words and the way you've formed sentences with them.

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  4. Liverpool's response just now. Spot-on. At last.

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    Replies
    1. Good blog Robbo and the statements from Anfeild are to be welcomed. Still wouldn't mind hearing what Kenny now thinks, though.
      On the the sublect of 'Arry who do you think he will select - if it comes to that - as skipper? Based on the assumption that even he won't be able to solve the Gerpard Conundrum and that I would think it tricky for him to omit young Frank. Bye-bye Stevie G...?

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    2. Suarez's apology consists of saying sorry to Liverpool.

      Dalglish's statement consists of lying that he didn't know about what happened.

      My my what a perfect world we live in.

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  5. Why is everyone making a mountain out of a molehill? Ok, Suarez should've shaken Evra's hand, but when he didn't, Evra had no need to grab Suarez like that, it only made things worse! Also, it's only a handshake!

    Personally, I think Evra was just as bad as Suarez yesterday, he knew exactly what he was doing at the final whistle, he was trying to get a reaction out of Suarez, who did quite well to keep calm i thought.

    As for the England manager job, why do they have to be English? Surely it's the best person for the job, regardless of nationality.

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  6. Bye, bye Stevie G? Don't think so. Even Arry might have to accept that Lamps's best days are behind him. Whoever comes in should select a skipper who might just be likely to play every game. Joe Hart. Job done.

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    Replies
    1. Good call on that one Robbo. Joe Hart is the only logical choice for skipper.

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  7. If Harry Redknapp turns out to be the only candidate, England are absolutely fcuk'd. If there are a number of candidates, each one should be expected to submit a paper before interviews take place to:

    > Select a squad of 23, explain why they chose each player;

    > Explain why a captain is essential to how the game is played on the day/night;

    > Who their choice of captain would be from within the squad;

    > Explain their choice of captain (strengths & weaknesses, that sort of thing).

    The written responses should then be made available for the whole country to scrutinise and the manager of each of the (is it still 92) football clubs should complete a poll to express their preference. If there is a stalemate, let's have a flipping national referendum, then, win, lose or draw, everyone can stop moaning about the manager and hang the England squad by their goolies until they fall off.

    At the end of the day, no matter how good the manager or team selection, the eleven players need to accept the bigger responsibility for not delivering on the pitch.
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

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  8. Nice images of Hayley Atwell here:

    http://collider.com/hayley-atwell-to-play-the-love-interest-in-the-first-avenger-captain-america/22121/
    _________________________________
    I am not Anonymous, I am Profile

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  9. Mr D'Arcy : Miss Atwell, when I first made your acquaintance I confess I was proud haughty and disdainful. For some time now however I have considered you to possess the finest pair of mammary glands in all Shropshire.
    Hayley : Why Mr D'Arcy I would by no means wish to defer any sexual gratification of yours.

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  10. Capello went because he didn't want the media and the FA picking the team.

    There'll be no problem with Harry. He'll have to let the media and the FA write out the team sheet.

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  11. They're writing out his appointment as manager so he kno what to expect

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  12. Idiot comes from the classical Greek (specifically athenian) "idiotes" which refers to thise who think that you can act in public as though you were a private citizen without bearing wider responsibility for your actions.

    Suarez. Dalglish. Modern Greeks. Idiotes.

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  13. Evra is a plank, Suarez is a scumbag.

    Manutd supporter

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  14. Two in a row Robbo.

    There are so many wankers in the English PL at the moment, that it has become difficult to be enthusiatic about it.

    The FA should remove the pre-game handshake. It has become meaningless and a means of contoversy in itself. In some cases it has drawn more media attention than the actual match it precedes.

    As for the overpaid, overhyped, dimwitted fuckwits that take part in the PL week in week out, all I can say is while managers continue to give them backing we are always going to have overpaid, overhyped, dimwitted fuckwits in the PL.

    The FA was not picking the team eeore, just ensuring that a totally moronic, shithead was not captain of England. Someone had to do it because Capello wasn't going to.

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  15. Congratulations to Zambia on winning the ACoN.

    Those penalty takers sure had the cajones of steel.

    Except for Gervinho & Toure obviously.

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  16. Well done, Robbo. And nice comment, Blog. (The pair of tits, I mean.)

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  17. well said Robbo. That lass is sporting a nice necklace.

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  18. A fine blog as ever Robbo.

    Just a small gloat about having Adebayor as FFL skipper this week.

    Hiddink for me as England manager.Redknapp will explode when the press get on his back,which they will,when results aren't as the press expect.eg England 10 Spain 0.

    Why Liverpool couldn't have just kept their mouths shut is beyond me.

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  19. Another top blog, Robbo. Wonder if Kenny's foot has recovered yet (from him shooting himself in it so often). Given that Kenny is effectively saying the appeals process is biased, should he be on some sort of charge? If you read the judgement, it sounds pretty thorough.

    Profile, if that's your test for England manager, Harry's out of the running already. He can hardly write. As a Spurs fan, I want Harry to stay (for obvious reasons). I agree Hiddink would be a good call.


    Jedi

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  20. Jesus, just reading an article from The Anfield Wrap. Fuck me, they really are blinded by their hate for Man United. Not one mention of Suarez booting the ball at the Home bench, many seem to think it was Evra who refused the handshake and Suarez was the definition of restraint and class. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

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  21. Top blogging Robbo. The lack of comedy content due to the topics covered was admirably made up for with a picture of a big norked bird. King Kenny says that isn't a sexist thing to say and you're bang out of order for saying that it was.

    Jacks, cudos on your choice of captain. I've been very close to selling Adebayor on a couple of times, but then he pulls out a big score. He'll be back to 2 points a week for the next 6 weeks at least. You heard it here first.

    I wouldn't mind Harry getting the England job on the condition that we get Hiddink. He's the only manager I'd be happy with as a replacement. Mourinho isn't really my cup of tea, even if we could afford him. Although on the plus side, my missus would take an interest in Spurs if he was the manager. Talk today of Harry saying he'd want to take Scholes to the Euro's. You can expect the rest of the golden shower generation to be exhumed as well if he gets the job. He loves his 'experienced' players, so as I said on the previous blog, you'd be seeing the likes of Scholes, Beckham and Rio in the team. Then the media would turn on him before you could say 'Rosie47'.

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  22. Good managers enable their team to perform above reasonable expectations. Redknapp has built (on paper) the 2nd best side in the premiership - why are people suggesting that a top 4 finish would be a great achievement? And Spurs record against any decent side is woeful - Real Madrid thumped them last season, Sir Alex always get the better of them and Man City ran riot there this season. Why? Because lining out a talented team and telling them to "give it a lash" might succeed against most sides, but to beat the best you need to be tactically astute. Redknapp has done NOTHING to deserve to be the next English manager. If you want success, move heaven and earth to sign Hiddink (Available) or Mourinho (Unlikely to be interested).
    As for the storm in a teacup that was the non-handshake - who cares? Evra doesn't like Suarez and vice versa, so formalities would have been insincere anyway. The real damage was done with the conduct of Liverpool F.C. for the months prior to this unimportant incident. I wish I could say that their reputation will never recover, but football's a fickle business. Give it a few weeks....

    -Neutral Irishman

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  23. Mick mccarthy sacked.

    Can't say ill miss him.

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  24. I'd argue that the Spurs team that faced Man City at White Hart Lane at the start of the season was very different to the one now though - no Parker in midfield providing some 'steel', no Adebayor up front to hold up the ball, and Modric who wanted to play for someone else. And the Spurs that lost to Man City the other week would have got at least a draw if the ref had sent off Balotelli for the foul that he was retrospectively banned for.

    I could also argue that Real Madrid thumped 10 man Spurs after Pedro Crouch got himself sent off, but apart from that, I agree with you.

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  25. Arry will do more good for the game in England by staying put and getting spurs into the top three on a permanent basis.
    Why would he want to go from hero to zero and take all the tosh from the papers after the first defeat
    stay where you are Arry
    keep up the good work Robbo

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  26. Well, I was expecting that blogs after yesterday's result. Wolves are my second club after living there for 6 years. Hope they find a decent replacement, although not sure who they'd go for. Curbishley would be a good, although they'll probably go for someone like Warnock.

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  27. Colin is available, and has a great record at taking teams up to the Premier League. He also has a great record at getting them relegated, which would be of more concern to Wolves.


    Jedi

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  28. Noel, yes he seem resigned in the post match interview

    Sign me up for the No to Arry vote.

    Id gofor Woy. I just think we need someone boring and reliable with international experience. I'm suspicious of the meeja acclamation those cunts just want stories. A few years of no stories is what England needs in the run up to the next world cup.

    I think were moving forwards in terms of Realism - for the first time ever no one thinks were going to win the Euros. Without the lead weight of expectations, this of course means we are guaranteed to win it (shh) .

    We Want Woderwick er I mean Woy!

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  29. On a related item Kavanagh is complaining the arrested Sun journos were treated like "a gang". Perhaps because they have behaved like a gang?

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  30. Woy's a good shout.Experienced at international management as well.

    Would he want to drop down a level from WBA though?

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  31. Why not let journalists from the main newspapers manage the next couple of friendly games? They always claim to know best. It would be great to see them fail miserably then maybe allow the next manager a bit more understanding from the press. I think you need a coach who is with the times, maybe Jurgen Klinsmann?

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  32. Good point jacks. Where would the England team be in the league? Just below stoke id say

    Woys not going to happen tho is he. Were watching Arrys coronation. Just hope the FA doesn't sign up Rodney Trotter as assistant.

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    Replies
    1. I understand the offside rule and I smoke herbal substances only at the weekend now. I'm pretty good at connect four and I fully understand what it is to be racist, so really I should be head and shoulders above everyone else.

      Delete
  33. Now to repost that on Twitter in the hope that Lady Gaga takes notice...

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  34. Where have all these spurs supporters come from... they are coming out of the woodwork now a bit of success is in the offing.

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  35. Bo,

    just imagine how bad it'd be if they actually won something. 1961 all over again.

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  36. Rangers going into administration. Celtic hegemony complete. Farewell my Scottish nationalist friends. Enjoy your football.

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  37. In response, KD suggests Liverpool play in the SPL to keep up the spirit of competition there, and as the only way Liverpool can possibly play CL footy.

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  38. Dunno if the "wee man" could cope with physicality of the SPL though...

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  39. We should all forget this sorry affair and move on....but not quite yet...
    http://sportdiscuss.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/luis-suarez-age-5%C2%BE/

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    Replies
    1. That's a great link Roger. Just about sums it all up really. I used to have a bit of a soft spot for Liverpool but the constant 'Victimisation' bleats have wore me down. It's a sad end for a great club and ex-player.

      Mostly Employed (Part time)

      Delete
  40. Harry Redknapp would try to entice Paul Scholes, 37, out of international retirement if the Spurs boss were to land the England manager's job.
    ====================================================================================

    Fuck off. If 'arry gets the job and this rumour proves to be true I would despair of English football ever advancing.

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  41. how will he entice him? Has Mandaric already set up Scholesy37?

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  42. It's the Scholes-Black economy equation, trott.

    Are you in the uk for the chelsea/trotters match? Vale are up in bradford tomorrow if you're just on a short break, you can go instead of me if you like

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  43. I'm off with the kids this week so a bit of time on my hands. Bilko box set. Not quite as good as I remembered it. And a trip down memory lane on the BBC version of this blog. Just as good as I remembered it. Like a cast of cartoon characters in the comments section....remember this Nutter ...

    9. At 2:46pm on 19 Apr 2010, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    Well its a Monday and I tentatively click into Robbos blog more in hope than expectation.

    And what a surprise - utter disappointment. A blog only marginally better than Robbos England Picks XI edition.

    The best thing I can say is that I vaguely agree with some of the choices(others make no sense) but this really is a basic and rudimentary as a blog can get.

    Robbo Im afraid this blog qualifies for the 'Call Yourself A Professional - Pull Your Blinking Finger Out' category.

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  44. Evening all. Seems like Tevez is heading back to Man City but is complaing that he was treated "like a dog". That's right Carlos. I pay my dog £200k a week and expect him to run about a couple of times to earn his money. Fuck off you prick.

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  45. Evening colch

    Tevez says "when he spoke to me in that tone of voice, and I said 'No, I'm not going out'. So I was willing to play, but...."

    Tev and suarez - two South American footballing intellects to shame an omoeba with learning difficulties

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  46. And that's why they cant have the falklands back - they'd confuse the penguins

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  47. Evening blog. Don't think he's done himself any favours there. "I was willing to play" but I said "No, I'm not going out". So you refused to play then Carlos?

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  48. You should take that argument to the UN, blogs. It's an open/shut case.

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  49. don't forget the casual racism and sheep harassment, noel. Ban Ki Moon won't stand for it.

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  50. And neither will the sheep.

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  51. Reports that Spurs have signed Eden Hazard for next season. What a coup that would be, if he has chosen us over the likes of City, Man Poo, Chelsea and the Arse. The kind of signing that we need if we want to keep the likes of Modric and Bale. And Redknapp of course.

    If it's true. (Please be true).

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  52. no Blog, back in the USA yesterday, it was a quick trip. I'll let the folks know there's a spare seat on the Vale bus to Bradford!

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  53. Tevez truly is the ugly face of football. Mind you Suarez is fugly too, in so many ways. He reminds me of the guy you hated playing with cos he was a cunt, but hated more if you were playing against him. Cause he was a cunt.

    The whole sorry saga really has been the icing on the cake for LFC hasn't it? This shitstorm has really encapsulated their last couple of seasons for my mind. Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

    Dunno bout Hart for El Capitano though. Maybe it's just me but I always doubt that when things start to get a bit tasty in the trenches and a damn good bollocking is needed, the guy some 50 metres away is not really best placed to do it.

    Who needs a Captain anyway. He's not going to be called on to lift anything aloft anytime soon.

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  54. Why Suarez refused to shake Evra's hands.. finally the truth
    ------------------
    http://www.goal.com/en-au/news/3947/omar-momani-cartoon-of-the-day/2012/02/12/2901385/cartoon-of-the-day-why-suarez-refused-to-shake-evras-hand

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  55. Ohh Aaron what have you done?
    4 goals 4 deaths - Osama, Gaddafi, Steve Jobs and Whitney Houston.

    (Hope you keep scoring without bothering about such news)
    ------------
    http://www.mumbaimirror.com/article/8/2012021420120214021446463f15e7c84/Of-Aaron-Ramsey-goals-and-their-deadly-aftermath.html

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  56. SS,

    just wonder what a blood bath it would have been had the goal killer been RvP instead of Ramsey?

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  57. Is the 2011/2012 season going to be remembered as the year of the footballing hypocrits?
    Kenny supports Suarez all the way until the shirt sponsors Standard Chartered get in touch to say they aren't happy with the negative publicity and hey presto an apology of sorts is issued.
    Harry Redknapp refuses to let Modric join Chelsea as he has a contract and Spurs don't want to let him go. But as soon as the England job is mentioned 'Arry suddenly has to do "what's best for me". Think you'll find that you've got a contract 'Arry and Spurs don't want to let you go.

    I'm looking forward to the Cunt of the Year Awards TM at the end of the season. Looks like there'll be a lot of competition this year, Tevez/Suarez/kenny/'Arry/Gary Neville

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  58. Colch I'm very worried about Arrys coronation, he's already picking the team and we know he wants Scholes, lampard (his nephew) and gerrard as capt. I'd be amazed if he doesn't pick terry.

    Stating the bleeding obvious, this is not the brave new workday we need. Get shot ffs they underachieved for a decade what more proof do you need?

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    Replies
    1. Maybe 'Arry wants to stay at Spurs, and is picking bloody stupid teams to avoid getting the England job?

      Yours in Hope


      Jedi.

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  59. I don't think it matters who they put in charge blog. We'll crash out in the quater finals or if we're really lucky we might get to lose in the semis. We could have Alf Ramsay, Bill Shankly, SAF and Dynamo Magician Impossible jointly in charge of the team and the Golden Shower of Shit Generation would still fuck it up.

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  60. Former Wolves manager Mick McCarthy is set to be offered the Leeds United job vacated by Simon Grayson.
    -----------------------------------------

    That's one more reason to hate Leeds.

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  61. Replies
    1. No specific reason. Just fancied an abbreviated form. :P

      Delete
    2. So SS is short for SS11? Can't argue really.


      Jed(i)

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  62. so Tevez is coming back, wtf, is it just so they can put a 'For Sale' sign on his shirt and let interested parties know that he can still do it? It'll end in (more) tears.

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  63. SS, why don't you just go with 'S', like on your Superman shirt? I'm gonna be T. Mr.T, has a nice ring to it!

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  64. You can easily join my A-team then Trotts.

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  65. If Tevez does play again for City without an apology (and his interview on Argentine TV wasn't one), Mancini might as well pack his designer bags. He'll lose all respect from the players.

    Trott, looked at your new name and snickered.


    Jedi

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  66. woah, it's all flooding back to me now. S, didn't you used to be SharpShootersXI before you became SS11, before you became SS?

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  67. Only thing remaining is to now become a lowercase 's' and then "the artist formerly known as S".

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  68. Former Man City players are saying that letting Tevez back into the squad might not be good for morale, might sour the atmosphere and the rest of the squad might not be happy. In much the same way that if I walked into your house and took a shit in you fridge you might not be happy and it might sour the atmosphere.

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  69. Mertesakkers like a giraffe on roller skates

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  70. http://www.merrytimearts.com/giraffe.html

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  71. thats him trot, the giraffe with two left feet and a sore ankle

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  72. In much the same way that if I walked into your house and took a shit in you fridge you might not be happy and it might sour the atmosphere.
    ============================================================================

    Not sure about souring the atmosphere Col, but it would sure sour the contents of the fucking fridge mate.

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  73. the problem is, in this society, a fridge shitter would have been misunderstood since childhood and the first ones to get blamed would be the parents, then the teachers, then society in general. You'd have your own fridge shitting website and a late night fridge shitters talk show. All the TV networks and newspapers would want to interview you whilst simultaneously they hacked your fridge shitter pals' voice mail messages. You'd get advertising endorsements from GE, Maytag, SubZero and Fridgedaire. You'd make millions from shitting in our fridges and we'd be left to clean up the mess.

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  74. trott,

    your fridge shitter's got nowt on those shit behind your heater.

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  75. you'd best talk to Colch and Tevez about that Spit, I live in an igloo so there's no fridge and no heater.

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  76. But trott your taking fridge shitting out of its cultural context.

    in Uruguay for instance there are no such prejudices. Shitting in someone's fridge can be seen as a friendly act like meeting a friend in the street, raising the right hand and ennunciating the words "hallo, good buddy". Fridge sitting is a national passtime, and its exponents are much loved, known colloquially as "turd fairies"

    It's only when we displace the amicable deposition of frozen ordure into a UK context that it is likely to be seen in a negative light, due solely to the triumph of PC sandle-wearing guardianistas who knit their own mueseli. Gone mad.

    Of course even in Uruguay in some circumstances shitting in the fridge can be offensive, for example on the cold meats shelf or into a recently made trifle.

    Bum mince left by our turd fairy which has dripped into tomorrows lunch boxes for the kids will also not be seen in a good light.

    But if one is careful to deposit ones chilled turds into, for example, the egg holders, then the owner of the fridge door will smile on opening it in recognition of a beneficent auspice or "manna from the arse".

    So please please let's not get these things out of context or out of proportion.

    And one more thing. If you catch me shitting in your fridge do not expect me to shake your hand, OK?

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  77. brilliant! I'll have to sign up for that Uruguyan cultural sensitivity training course at Liverpool University.

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  78. blogdignagFeb 14, 2012 01:37 PM
    But trott your taking fridge shitting out of its cultural context.
    And one more thing. If you catch me shitting in your fridge do not expect me to shake your hand, OK?
    ---------------------------------------

    But you're forgetting that Trott doesn't have a fridge. How do the Uraguayans feel about someone shitting in their igloo?

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  79. I'm not sure the questions ever been asked before, colch, but I think they'd be ok about it personally

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    Replies
    1. I understand that in some developing countries fridge shitting is merely a gateway defecation to the hard core dumping that is top decking (toilet cistern, not found for days) and for the true exhibitionist, the letterbox?

      Delete
  80. If H2 were here I could ask him if its true that they called suarez Spock in Holland because of his pointy ears

    and did an advert taking the mickey out if himself

    Suarez as Mr Logic? Can't see it myself, Jim

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  81. "Uruguayan cultural sensitivity" - is that an oxymoron?

    Even the name suggests homophobic abuse

    ReplyDelete
  82. Ever wondered how to translate a disconcerting hangover flashback into music? I know I have -

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=d5BdyIGtYcg

    ReplyDelete
  83. Howdy ho blog buddies, it's been a while as I've been etreeeeeeeeeamly busy lately, more on that in a bit, but firstly I'd just like to apologise, because I feel I kinda let you all down by not warning you what a ginormous twat spatular Senor Suarez has always been............

    Hang on............ Oh yeah.........

    I TOLD YOU HE WAS A CUNT *grins smugly*

    Unfortunatly, nothing he has done lately has surprised me in the slightest, however. LFC and 'king Kenny have fucked up royally and I feel have tarnished their reputations.

    Blogidy, I've never heard him called Spook, are you sure it wasn't Dr Spic? Whoops, how very dare I.

    As for 'Arry, I'd like to congratulate him for using the "I'm a bit daft and I don't read and write and stuff good" defence. a true masterstroke of jurdicial briliance, which rumor has it almost never happened because when "Arry's lawyers advised him to tell the court he was illiterate he claimed;

    "No I aint, my parents were married"

    If Mr Redknapp is the best that England can dredge up, on the basis of one FA Cup win in an entire career, to be national manager, then we really are up a river of excreament without a means of propeltion for our floating vessel. I'll be the first to admit that he has got Spurs playing some very nice stuff and has more then a decent squad. but I think many seem to forget that the chairman (Levy) has his hands firmly on the reigns when it comes to almost all things Tottenham.

    Not that it really matters who gets to drink from the poison chalice,at least until the FA gets its act together. the media get their expectations at a realistic level and/or the squad has a complete overhaul then its always going to be a fools errand anyway.

    Maybe Simon Cowell and Brucey can get together and do a Strictly England Manager Idol Factor show and the Great British public can vote via telepnone and texst messaging for the next appoinment, although if that happened then don't be shocked to see Jedward leading the team from the bench.

    ReplyDelete
  84. "No I aint, my parents were married"

    ---

    brilliant.

    Welcome back H.

    ReplyDelete
  85. So where have you been H?

    Well. at the turn of the year I decided to close the Dungheap. I had a nice run and did ok, however there was no room for expansion and there were very limited chances for clientel groth, My contact/lease was coming to an end and I choose not to take the renewal option.

    So what now?

    Well. I took my 30-50p profit and invested it in an old farm house pub/eathouse on the Westfriesdyke (West Fries damn) which is on a much busier route (for bikers. skaters, cyclists and tourists.) I've been cleaning and renovating lately and it's been an 18 hour a day chore.

    I opened last Friday and I'm doing everything myself (with the missus) so I'll be making 14hour days for the first few weeks so I won't be around to much (untill I get a computer installed behind the bar)

    The bar is called 't Wagenwiel (the wagonwheel) and it's in Lambertschaag;

    http://img207.imageshack.us/img207/5113/voorkantklein.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  86. Looks brilliant H.

    might have to drive up there one weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  87. H2H You had me very very worried for a while there, old son.

    A very warm welcome back, H.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I'm also doubtful that Gormless Arry is the right man, although I'm dead keen to be prove wrong

    I think your also right that it doesn't matter much who presides over the ensuing disappointments, as long as they maintain some aythority with the manboy players (call me schtevie)

    ReplyDelete
  89. H2H. I think it could be fate! Have a look at this, it could give you an idea for a new pub sign for the wagenwiel

    http://nl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagenwiel_(symbool)

    ReplyDelete
  90. the iletirate joke had me in stitches, good to have you back H, we missed ya, good that KD kept us entertained meanwhile,

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  91. woah, nice one H, there's even a blue and white arrow pointing right into the place from the road. Brilliant, which door do we use for which services?

    ReplyDelete
  92. Replies
    1. and good luck with your new business franchise.

      Delete
  93. H, first order of business, put a fuckin' padlock on the fridge!

    ReplyDelete
  94. I see a lot being talked about me pseudo name and well I don't want to change it to small 's'. :)

    Talking of changing names, I remember Starfire..he was the King of Regeneration back in old BBC days. Would be good to see him come back as well.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I see Lee Clark has been sacked by Huddersfield despite being in the play offs 2 seasons in a row finishing 6th and then 3rd after taking them from the brink of relegation to 9th place half a season when he first started.

    Some chairmen just don't recognise when they have a good manager - Jordan Rhodes will be off in the summer as well. Very poor decision from the Huddersfield board - madness.

    Anyone remember Middlesbrough and Strachan. Same will happen to Huddersfield I reckon

    ReplyDelete
  96. AnfieldHopefulFeb 14, 2012 04:43 AM
    SS..why aren't you 11 anymore ?
    Reply

    -------------

    He had a player sent off

    ReplyDelete
  97. blogdignagFeb 15, 2012 01:05 AM
    "Uruguayan cultural sensitivity" - is that an oxymoron?

    Even the name suggests homophobic abuse
    ---------------------------------------
    no Blog, it's taught at the Cultural Uruguyan National Training centre.

    ReplyDelete
  98. blogdignagFeb 14, 2012 11:31 PM
    WHO SHAT IN MY FRIDGE?
    ---------------------------------------

    In the words of Shaggy.......It wasn't me.

    ReplyDelete
  99. is that Lambert Shaggy? That's the bloke who built the Wagon Wheel.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Didn't the philandering Norwich manager used to park his caravan and give his gf (or WAG on wheels as he called her) a good seeing to in the car park of some dutch pub or other?

    ReplyDelete
  101. The pitch in Milan is a disgrace. Is it anything to do with the fact that Arsenal have quick wingers?

    ReplyDelete
  102. Apparently Colch,

    Milan had it done up, 2 days ago.

    Its a shame how bad it actually is. Hope no one gets injured.

    ReplyDelete
  103. I'm suprised there aren't rules about how long before a game you're allowed to relay the pitch

    ReplyDelete
  104. Now that's a good hit. What a finish.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Not offering anything going forward, poor on defence. Lost a CD to injury. Abysmal.

    ReplyDelete
  106. aye, she wuz singing' like a canary that lass.

    ReplyDelete
  107. There is a difference between 'not good enough' and 'bad'.

    Today is a BAD performance.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Welcome back H2, wish you could have done something about our midfield and defence while you were away. Nice looking pub mate.

    Not much to be said about tonight's effort... less said the better really... no coming back from that.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Welcome back H2H. I very nice looking tavern you've got yourself there. Good luck to you, and all who sail in The Wagonwheel. Just make sure that no-one shits in the chillers. Although you'd probably be able to sell brown Bacardi Breezers.

    ReplyDelete
  110. I very nice looking...?? I meant 'A very nice looking....'

    ReplyDelete
  111. Your pub is absolutely gorgeous, H, it give me the horn, I want to fuck your pub and I want to take your fridge up the shitter.

    It's posts like this that mean I need to remain anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Lambert shags WAGs on wheels?

    With a pub as hornily gorgeous as THAT, ill bet he does.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Since he moved to Norwich the dour glaswegian has had to make do with a blow up WAG doll and the good folk of holland are fed up with his pub car park dogging inflatable sex tourism.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Well it's Thursday, which can mean only one thing - the Manchester clubs are playing on Channel 5 tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  115. nooooooooooooooooo Sammy Lee's back!

    ReplyDelete
  116. It is illegal in Oak Park, Illinois, to cook more than 100 dougnuts in a single day.

    ReplyDelete
  117. welcome back H

    will take a look at the place when I fly over later

    ReplyDelete
  118. H Man back in town

    Welcome back brother.

    ReplyDelete
  119. blogdignagFeb 15, 2012 03:20 PM
    Your pub is absolutely gorgeous, H, it give me the horn, I want to fuck your pub and I want to take your fridge up the shitter.

    It's posts like this that mean I need to remain anonymous.
    -----------------------------------------

    It's posts like that that mean you really need the help of a good psychiatrist

    ReplyDelete
  120. hee hee

    Sorry I mean....

    mwwwwwwaaaaahahahaha!!

    ReplyDelete
  121. Thanks for the kind words gents,

    Lambert shags WAGs on wheels?" Very funny, plus the link to the wiki symbol is just a briliant coincidence, fate indeed.

    I didn't get to see the game last night, I had it on in the bar, but just didn't have time to watch. By all accounts we got thumped and even the most optimistic of Arsenal bloggers are finding it hard to put a positive spin on it this morning.

    I did record it, but just like my friends wedding video, talent shows, reality tv or anything with James Cordin in it, I can't imagine myself watching it.

    I'm off to put locks on all my fridges.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Morning folks,
    Bad result on a bad night on a bad pitch. Thats all to say about it really. The upside of that result is to keep focus ONLY on finishing top 4 in PL.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Good luck to Stoke tonight against Valencia in sunny Stoke! What European nights are all about.

    Hope the two Manc clubs get twatted.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Arse just didn't turn up last night, did they? Having better things to do, like creosoting the fence in the dark I turned it off after half an hour.
    Anyone else think the revamped (read "cut back") BBC Sport website looks like the creation of a colourblind ADD sufferer? One plus point is that McNumpty is harder to find.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Noel.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17045169

    ReplyDelete
  126. Does Mancini have a bone to pick with Tevez?


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  127. Want to have a moan at the BBC re the horrendous new sport website? Well, they keep moving blogs around hoping we'll all go away, but the latest one is here:
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/bbcinternet/2012/02/bbc_sport_design_live.html

    ReplyDelete
  128. ...and another one - divide and rule methinks!
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/sporteditors/2012/02/more_on_our_new_website.html

    ReplyDelete
  129. I thought we had all gone away, roger

    ReplyDelete
  130. they still have that BBC thing then? I've been a regular visitor to the sporting life website, more info, faster updates and easier to navigate!

    ReplyDelete
  131. Mississippi common law states that "every citizen has the right to shoot to kill if necessary when escorting a woman home from a quilting party and another man interferes and threatens to shoot him."

    ReplyDelete
  132. This is funny and gets funnier http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GRSbr0EYYU

    ReplyDelete
  133. Thanks for that link Jack. All well known facts in the Falklands, as it's all we hear about, but hopefully it'll open a few eyes in the UK to the situation. The problem arises from this point: 'Argentina says the principle of self-determination does not apply to the Malvinas.' Unfortunately for them, it does, and it's also one of the founding cornerstones of the UN Charter. They wish to have us under any circumstances and don't even recognise us as a people, hence only the need for talks between Argentina and Britain, not talks between Argentina, Britain and the Falkland Islands.

    Argentina wasn't even a country when they say they inherited it from Spain.

    The way I see it, is that everyone agrees that the French were there first - give it to France!

    ReplyDelete
  134. Good result for City, they could have used a bloke like Tevez coming off the bench to kill off the tie, always useful to have a chap like him available for these away games in Europe.

    ReplyDelete
  135. so ... the two manc clubs got lucky ... and stoke got twatted; always the reverse...

    ReplyDelete
  136. Your food might improve Noel.No more deep fried penguin.

    Good results for the Manchester clubs.Shame for Stoke,but no surprise.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Who'd have thought Gary Lineker could be so funny.

    http://order-order.com/2012/02/17/early-bath-for-piers/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+guidofawkes+%28Guy+Fawkes%27+blog+of+parliamentary+plots%2C+rumours+and+conspiracy%29

    ReplyDelete
  138. I saw the interaction Jacks. Linekar is getting to grips with Twitter.

    Piers Morgan, he's the very embodiment of twat, isnt he?

    ReplyDelete
  139. Absolutely Spits.He should be held out as an example to every pupil at school and told if you don't study hard you'll end up like him.

    ReplyDelete
  140. England's football team have ditched their home kit after wearing it just eight times.

    It's the lowest number of times they have ever used new shirts.

    Anyone who wants to keep up with the latest design will have to buy the new kit which will be shown off at England's next match, a friendly against the Netherlands on 29 February.

    That would mean spending more than £70 for a child's shirt, shorts and socks.

    --------------------------

    They should ditch a bunch of their fuckin' players too.

    ReplyDelete
  141. hello chisora ? what have we done there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I give him 3 rounds max after doing that.Vitali may not have the charisma of other boxers,but he's the best there is out there.Night night Dereck.

      Delete
  142. Rumours Mandaric wants to take over Rangers.

    That's their tax issues sorted then.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  143. It's a restless hungry feeling that don't mean no one no good ...

    ReplyDelete
  144. Solution ...Embassy in Colchester. All you can eat for £4.20. Marvellous.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Here's exclusive footage of Mancini giving Tevez a solo workout in Richmond Park
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GRSbr0EYYU

    ReplyDelete
  146. i'm still not sure if the dog's name is Fenton or Jesus Christ?

    ReplyDelete
  147. What sort of posh tosser names his dog Fenton?

    Jesus Christ on other hand.... brilliant.

    for example...


    Bloody 'ell Jesus, you've chewed on me shoes again.

    Stop it Jesus, stop humping grand ma's wheel chair!

    ReplyDelete
  148. Jesus Christ will you please stop lickin' yer bollocks when we have the in-laws over.

    ReplyDelete
  149. And every time you let rip a silent but deadly fart, blam eit on jesus...

    ReplyDelete
  150. In the city of Stark, Kansas, it is against the law to quack like a duck.

    ReplyDelete
  151. In March 1995, Jerry Williams, considered a habitual criminal under California's "three strikes" law, was sentenced to twenty-five years to life.

    What was the crime that put Williams away for good?

    He stole a slice of pizza from a group of children on a Redondo Beach pier.

    Justice is served.

    ReplyDelete
  152. The Infamous Redondo Beach Pizza snatcher. Thank God the streets are safe again (and the piers).

    ReplyDelete
  153. eh up, he's out, only served 5 years, lock up your pizzas...

    http://articles.latimes.com/2010/feb/10/local/la-me-pizzathief10-2010feb10

    ReplyDelete
  154. American entertainment company AEG is moving in on a £450m takeover at Tottenham

    That may be enough to keep 'arry there.


    The streets are still safe though Trot, he stays home and watches tele now.

    ReplyDelete
  155. Arsene Wenger launched a training ground tirade against his Arsenal flops after the 4-0 defeat to AC Milan which could lead to a clearout.
    ======================================================

    They've been talking about clearouts for so long now, it's become a cliche at the Emirates

    ReplyDelete
  156. Once the Cliche turns into a Clichy, we can sell it to ManCity.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Well I for one have never heard of this Chorizo fella, so his plan has obviously worked. His profile has risen sharply, right before Klitshco pummels it right back down again. Fenton!!

    Great win for Leeds Rhino's in the World Club Cup yesterday. Beat/spanked a fairly rusty, but still very classy Manly team. Although Manly have just had a managerial change equivalent to having Mourinho walk out to be replaced by Steve Kean. But Manly are wankers anyhow, so who cares? Well done Leeds.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Chisora will have that much shit kicked out of him tonight in Germany that it will fill several fridges.

    ReplyDelete
  159. at least I'm not near any shit-kicking Germans this weekend

    FFS, didnt Jesus manage the lions in the 70s, gone to the dogs since

    ReplyDelete
  160. Fame at last. Franny Lee thinks I'm funny on Twitter.

    Lee Westwood @WestwoodLee

    “@FrannyLee7: Hi Fleeps! Carded a 9 over this morning, I was putting like @WestwoodLee ! Hope you are all well, have a good weekend!”steady!

    Neil Carey @ColchesterFC

    @WestwoodLee @FrannyLee7 Count yourself lucky. 28 points in @GolfDaysUK competition yesterday. Was putting more like Vivienne Westwood.

    Franny Lee @FrannyLee7

    @ColchesterFC @WestwoodLee @GolfDaysUK Hahaha brilliant!

    Someone has finally recognised my brilliance.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Uncle Colin has gone to Leeds.

    A good signing by Master Bates there.He'll get them up.

    Sadly.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Gills in a poor run, vale looking good-ish. Bit of luck we should get a draw.


    FENTON!?

    BURSLEM!

    ReplyDelete
  163. RYO ! Things are looking' up for the Gooners!

    ReplyDelete
  164. HAN LEE!

    that's not Han Lee, Harold, its Hanley where the bogs come from

    ReplyDelete
  165. I've always thought you were a bit funny n'all colch

    ReplyDelete
  166. Yes Roy Keane, any footballer who wears gloves is a cunt

    http://tinyurl.com/87g22be

    ReplyDelete
  167. Crab football here from arsenal. Pity the goals aren't at the sides

    ReplyDelete
  168. 2-0. Arsenal gutless wonders capitulate

    ReplyDelete
  169. Evertime Sessignon had the ball the arsenal back 4 visibly shat themselves

    ReplyDelete
  170. Row Z from the Spanish Action Man

    ReplyDelete
  171. How's the guitar playing going spits?

    ReplyDelete
  172. I am to guitar playing what Squillaci is to defending.

    ReplyDelete