Monday, 6 February 2012

The Nightmare of Terry Vision

Just pretend for a moment that you’re on the board of the Football Association. And that you’re not dipping your nib in the PA’s inkwell. And that you have the future of the national game at heart.

Here's Frank Lampard doing the FA's dirty work for them

To look forward to, you have the latest appearance of the national team in a major international football tournament.

In your wisdom, the man you pay £6 million a year to manage your football team – and who can't even manage a comprehensible sentence in English – retained his post in the wake of the most disappointing World Cup finals campaign England has ever mounted.

That campaign was dogged by many difficulties: Ferdinand’s injury leading to another change of skipper; the fact that England players were ‘tired’ (unlike those Barca and Madrid lads who played a hell of a lot of European games themselves); the players were also shite; and John Terry gave a press conference that involved him standing the manager at one end of a long rug and tugging it bloody hard from the other.

It’s still uncertain as to whether he did this with the approval of his teammates or behind their backs. Wayne Bridge thinks the latter.

'No, FA I-a give-a you da finger!'

Terry’s reward for this blatant brinkmanship? Capello gives him back the armband. Bewildering. But then he is a ‘natural leader’. He’s good at speaking for others. He’s actually good at the press-conf platitudes, and he does it without the nervous wittering of a Gerrard or a Rooney.

So England run a reasonably trouble-free qualification campaign for Euro 2012, although in the last couple of games our best player is Rob Earnshaw. Terry’s credentials as skipper are less in doubt than his actual quality on the pitch. To the non-partisan fan (that’s me) he looks one-paced and indecisive, like a tortoise with the trots. Then again if you played alongside David Luiz every week you might need to call a readily available pack of Immodium. Luiz is to Terry what Sideshow Bob is to Bart Simpson.

And then he appears to call Anton Ferdinand ‘a black cunt’. And times are such that the ‘cunt’ bit is less troublesome than the ‘black’ with its indication – and Luis Suarez will tell you this is all just normal everyday stuff – that the being black bit is contributory to the cuntdom.

So here you are FA board member. Over here! Take your eyes off that cleavage and put down that gin! Here’s the summer we have in store if nothing changes:

Scenario 1: England go to the Euros with Terry as captain. England get knocked out early. Terry gets seen bawling at, say, Theo Walcott for his lack of composure. Racist? Or really simply what WE’RE ALL DOING!

Scenario 2: England go to the Euros and Terry is captain. England do well. Polish and Ukrainian fans boo black players in England shirts throughout. John Terry condemns the Eastern European fuckwits with swastikas tattooed to their scar-tissued foreheads. Three weeks later he’s found guilty of racism.

Scenario 3: England sack Terry – or rather suspend him while investigations are ongoing. England go to Euros without him and are shit. They come back. Terry is found innocent.

Scenario 4: England win the Euros. Terry holds the trophy aloft. Three weeks later he’s found guilty of racism. The first time anyone below 50 years of age has been able to celebrate national football success and the bloke holding up the pot is a certified shithead.

As far as I’m concerned – and yes it’s about as likely as Ian Bell being able to define the word ‘doosra’ – scenario 4 is worth ruling out altogether, and the only way to do that is simply to sack Terry.

Do the FA look stupid if Terry is found innocent? No. Regardless of what Capello says. And frankly Fabio can just strut his barrel-chested bantam way out of English football if he thinks he’s earned the right to make his own decisions on such matters.

Capello sacked Terry for off-the-field activities that maybe broke moral codes, but no actual laws. This is a criminal act. And it’s happened on the field.

Were John Terry in any other walk of life he’d already be suspended on full pay while the case was investigated. Furthermore no one would be pushing the case back cos of ickle John’s pressing workload. I’m guessing that Terry and his legal team thought that the postponement of the case was the best option for Terry. It’s just a shame it’s the worst option for everyone else.

While Terry blathers on about pride and commitment to the cause, it’s clear that his and Ron Gourlay’s actions mean that the most important person involved here is John Terry.

Not long ago, Capello said that the issue of who is captain is not really that important. Now he’s getting ratty about not being able to keep a suspected racist in the role.

Me, I’d go further. I’d tell Terry he can’t play for England til the case is resolved one way or another. If he’s done nowt wrong, he can come back. If he’s guilty, I’d stop him playing for Chelsea for more than a few months too.

Here's proof of John's innocence. A black friend and a nice T-shirt.

The lament footballers’ll give you these days is that they’re not politicians. They just want to go out and give 110%. Well, wake up. You are in a game watched by billions. Your fellow professionals are pushing a noble cause of ‘Kicking Racism Out’. (And the boos for Rio Ferdinand at Stamford Bridge suggest there’s a lot of work to do.) And the fact is the standing of English football is more important than John Terry’s career.

Anything else is ‘back to front’ which I’m sure Terry’ll say are the very words he used towards Anton.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/video/2011/oct/24/john-terry-anton-ferdinand-video

In the meantime give Joe Hart the job. He’ll play every game. I don’t think he’s been caught throwing eggs at immigrants or molesting poultry, and it doesn’t matter who’s skipper – you need 11 leaders on the park, don’t you?

222 comments:

  1. Now on to reading the blog

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. great blog - terry is rubbish at the moment anyway so we can droip him and play Chris Smalling, Phil Jones or Jagielka instead

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  4. Robbo,
    Scenario 5 - England sack Terry. Capello mysteriously falls sick. 'arry is given the England job as reward for taking Spurs to CL. 'arry helps England to reach semis of Euros and bow out respectfully.

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  5. Scott Parker, Ashley Cole and Joe Hart ideal candidates on basis of confirmed place in starting 11. Otherwise Steven Gerrard will get it as he's the next favorite of Capello.

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  6. Scoot Parker's confirmed place in starting11? Do me a favour...

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  7. A bit of an optimistic summer you've got us in for, I could have sworn it was the Euro's we were going to lose at!

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  8. 'arry's going down SS11.

    Excellent blog Robbo.

    Sadly our FA are generally hopeless,so I've given up on them doing the right thing.Player power has become the order of the day now unfortunately.

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  9. On recent form we could replace Terry with a bucket of shit.

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  10. Maybe it is just me, but I do feel a little bit sympathy for John Terry (and no I'm not a Chelsea fan)

    At the end of the day, he has been accused of making a racist comment, which is pretty despicable but it isn’t like he has murdered a child.

    An accusation is just that – an accusation, it doesn’t mean your guilty - so at the moment John Terry is innocent and he will still be innocent on the 19th June when England get knocked out in the group stages.

    Sheppy

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  11. are you sure he hasnt murdered a child, sheppy? has it been proven?

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  12. As far as I'm aware John Terry has not murdered a child, but if you know different then you best call the Sun newspaper as you can make a killing, if you pardon the pun.

    Sheppy

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  13. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/16905818

    Hopefully Crapello can fuck right off and take Terry with him where ever he goes.

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  14. Nice blog Robbo.

    Sure the players have to be a bit careful regarding their behaviour but what does it say about the oh so salt of the earth fans?

    Both Liverpool and Chelsea fans have covered themselves and their clubs in shite by booing Evra and Ferdinand respectively.

    Why do that? Why not not boo? Why would you feel so strongly about one of your players that you would boo the one who was on the receiving end of their, to put it with maximum possible softness, 'moments of madness'?

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    Replies
    1. I would suspect it's the 'Tribal' nature of football fans. Bloody pathetic if you ask me.

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  15. Liverpool keeper Pepe Reina, 29, has revealed that Tottenham's 40-year-old keeper Brad Friedel is his inspiration.

    ---

    inspiration for what? Hair products?

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  16. From previous blog

    AnfieldHopefulFeb 6, 2012 03:22 AM

    Ahh..speaking of warmer climes, am back in the US now after a decent spell in 20C Pune. Enjoyed my time there as always, someone really needs to do something about Mumbai airport though. Makes heathrow look like schiphol.
    ---------------
    AH,
    See Mumbai airport after 3 years... it will be the next best thing you've ever seen!!!

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  17. The FA needs to tell Terry he will need time to prepare his defence, wouldn't want him distracted, thanks for the service, on yer bike.

    Capello should shut up and realise there are bigger issues than the identity of the captain. Sadly, as far as the FA is concerned, the main bigger issue is making sure Septic Bladder can't take the p155. Which he undoubtedly could if Terry captains England and is then found guilty.

    I'm probably in a minority here (of one), but I think Capello is a good manager. Not his fault he's got a pile of overhyped sh1t to work with.


    Jedi

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  18. Jedi,

    I'd agree with Crapello being not a bad international manager if the squad was not of his picking.

    After WC2010 he announced he'd build the tema on youth. Whatever happened to that?

    Lo and behold he's fighting to keep the oldest pile of shite in defence as his captain.

    I'd rather engalnd take no player over 26 to Euro2012 and bow out in groups than take the aging over-rated golden shower and scrap through to the quarterfinals ( their realistic goal)

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  19. Now then,is blogspot back to normal?

    Calling The Dungheap,it's all working again.Come back H!!

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  20. Totally agree Robbo.

    Whether Terry is found guilty or not (he is English so he probably wont be), he is a cunt of a man both on the field and off. If Capello wants to defend Terry and at the same time criticise the FA for removing the captaincy from prick, he can fuck off too. It makes little difference who manages the team from here on, they wont go further than the final 16 anyway. To reach that stage without Terry will be more palatable than it will be with him in the squad

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  21. Spit, I think I have to agree with much of that, but it's a bit late to start picking a "youth team" now. The new manager will have to rebuild for WC 2014, and probably do it in the qualifiers (tricky). Maybe keep a couple of the older players for balance (playing just kids doesn't normally work).

    Won't happen because the press would slaughter Capello for doing it, so he'll play safe.


    Jedi

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  22. great stuff Robbo. Very difficult situation for Gary Cahill, replace JT at Chelsea, replace JT for England, just hope he left his Missus in Bolton.

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  23. Morning all

    well done SS, beat me in high scoring FFL

    and congrats SPIT reaching a ton, better than the Eng batsmen

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  24. strange flight back to HH

    Met 6 Danish Stoke City fans returning from a weekend in the Potteries, oh the high life

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  25. Thanks tone, all the bonus points helped. Well played.

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  26. Oh, yeah, FFL.

    Last week I paid for transferring Bale (was being shown as doubtfull) out for Walcott but decided to persist with him what with KD guarenteeing minimum possible goals and boring the shit out of everyone by playing a 5-4-1 formation at home (Why whas Hodgson fired by the way? Oh yeah, he was too negative for Liverpool)

    Lo and behold, Theo bangs in 3 assists + having Rvp as captain helped.

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  27. Tone Aha, my second favourite Norwegian band are stoke fans. Funny lot the scandies, fantastic women tho

    0-5...0-3... the worst number 1 cricket team in history? Typical.

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  28. Blog,
    Do not forget England inherited the #1 ranking from India. We've lost 4-0 in two away series, 8 in a row. Is'nt that typical!

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  29. Thanks for the heads up Spit! Now to read the blog.

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  30. Poor performance from Spurs last night. A point was the most we deserved: take it and move on.

    Talking of moving on, it's long past time Dalglish stopped sniping at the FA for Suarez' ban. If you wanted to challenge it, the time was some while ago, Kenny. Arguable case for him being sent off after 5 minutes too.

    England need to sort out how their middle order play spin, and quick. At least we still have a decent bowling unit. See how they go in Sri Lanka in a couple of months (Blog, I don't count ODI's so "only" 3 losses on the bounce). Pakistan were impressive, though.

    Talking of cricket, we'd all want to wish Yuvraj Singh well. Only about 30, and diagnosed with (a treatable form of) lung cancer. Hope it works, Yuvi.


    Jedi

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  31. Cracking blog Robbo. Capello seems to have run his course now. I think most England fans just want him to move on. He's left with a good history of results (except when it really mattered), but he hasn't left a legacy or done any sort of rebuilding. I guess he'll be used as a bad example in the debate of whether or not the national manager should be English.

    Jedi, couldn't agree more about Dalglish. Couldn't resist making a stupid comment about Suarez's ban. He should be handed another ban now anyway for his kick on Scott Parker. His eyes were fully on Parker, nowhere near the ball.

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  32. Jesus Kenny just won't let it go will he? I can tell you now if it was Fergie constantly saying his player shouldn't have been banned the FA would strike hard and fast, why is nothing being done to Kenny? It reminds me of how Wenger gets away with saying a refs decision is disgusting but when Fergie says a big game like Chelsea Man United needs a "fair, well a strong referee" he gets a ban and a fine.

    A bit disappointed about the Chelsea result because I think Chelski were there for the taking but seeing how jammy United were at Old Trafford against them I'll take it. Really happy for De Gea to make the save at the end, doubt it will silence the bandwagon jumpers though.

    On Capello, I don't really know why he has come out publicly. Oh wait a minute yes I do, a bunch of people sitting behind desks decided to make a decision without his input based on a smear campaign by the media. Capello and Terry should tell the FA to go fuck themselves.

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    Replies
    1. So Fergie is held to account everytime he criticises a Ref or the FA?

      Now I've heard it all.

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  33. Rod, it's not a smear campaign by the media, Terry is due in court immediately after the Euros to answer a criminal charge of racist abuse. Quite happy for him to tell the FA where to go, he shouldn't go to the Euros as far as I'm concerned. Only problem with Terry not going: players will demand all their WAGS go, and we'll have another circus.

    Totally agre with you about Wenger, though. No grace or charm when his team lose. It's always the referee's fault, never "mah yung tim"'s. Never any credit to the opposition. Knob.


    Jedi

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    1. The criminal charge is a load of wank. Even if he did say "you black cunt", its a complete joke that its come to this. I know people are going to say why have this view but have a different one on Suarez. Well its because Suarez was obviously being a little snidy cowardly cunt repeatedly using a racist term along with other things to try and piss an opponent off. I don't even think saying "you black cunt" is all that racist. Is it? I guess you can argue by including the word "black" you are singling him out. Dunno really.

      All I've heard anyway is that the footage showing Terry mouthing "black cunt" is of Terry proclaiming his innocence. This is why I'm saying it was a media smear campaign. I guess proclaiming your innocence from making racist remarks is now considered racist. The plot darkens...I mean thickens!

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  34. Missed this little gem from Suarez in the highlights I watched. As H2H would say, 'I told you he was a little cunt.'

    http://soccernet.espn.go.com/index?cc=3436

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  35. Where is H2H?

    Not only is Noel a cunt,oops sorry I meant Suarez, he also cant score a tap in from 6 yards. Yet, lo and behold, we are still just 4 pts away from 4th spot. Unbelievable. Saturday's game against ManU should provide enough material for a couple of blogs at least. Cant say this season has been dull or uninteresting can you.

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  36. How can calling someone a "black cunt" not be racist ffs? You'll be saying it's a cultural thing next. Unfortunately JT is no better or worse than the vast majority of under-educated fuckwits who follow football in this country, as evidenced by the delightful "singing" aimed at Rio Ferdinand t'other day. The idea that, until recently anyway, racism had been obliterated from from football is as laughable as believing that there are no gay footballers, who, because of the Neanderthal culture surrounding our national game are rightly shit scared of coming out.

    As for Ingurland captain, who better than 50s throwback Scott Parker, who as far as I know has never been had up for assault, or called Ledley a darkie, or tried to shag his way round his team-mates' women. The thing is, can he string a press conference stylee sentence together?

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    Replies
    1. rac·ism   [rey-siz-uhm]
      noun
      1.a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
      2.a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
      3.hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

      ---------------

      I'm not sure calling someone a black cunt falls into any of these categories.

      Delete
    2. JT will probably claim in his defence that it was friendly, and aimed at defusing the situation, like Suarez did. Chelsea v QPR games, like L'pool v ManU games, don't make for friendly banter.


      Jedi

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    3. Robbo great blog! Here's Scenario #5 for ya: England suspend him while investigations are ongoing. England go to Euros without him and win. They come back. Terry is found innocent. Everyone's happy...
      signed Arthur Jarrett, Chelsea fan and fast runner!

      Delete
    4. If a black guy calls you a "whitey cunt" you'd take that as racist would you not? If JT had simply called AF a cunt, fair enough, we've all been called that I'm sure, but by prefixing "black" lends it an all together different tone, surely?

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    5. ...so, you don't think calling someone a black cunt is in the slightest, tiniest, weeniest bit intolerant then?

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  37. The irony is that Terry's sacking has nothing to do with the England team or indeed football. The reality is that he was sacked because of the sponsors. God forbid that the purveyors of rioters food drink and clobber of choice should have their multi-cultural image damaged.

    The other irony is that John Terry gets the rap for calling mixed race Anton Ferdinand black. Yet no one raises an eye brow when the media call Barry Obama the same thing.

    Still let's not get into the complexity of the issue, much easier to chant "Two Legs Better".

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    1. I doubt the media, unless it was the KKK Daily would suffix calling Obama black with "cunt" somehow!

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  38. Rod, in calling someone 'a black cunt', the a and the cunt part are not racist but when coupled with black, it is.

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    1. specially if that someone happens to be black where as the one calling wasnt.

      Delete
    2. So the Power Rangers were being racist when they called their one black member A Black Ranger?

      I dunno, I understand its offensive but I don't think its racist. It definitely does not require an appearance in court anyway.

      Delete
    3. The power ranger example is probably the daftest thing you've ever written Rod.

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    4. I do try my best Jacks =0). However incredibly offensive it may be, I still don't think its racist to call someone a black cunt though. If I go to England and get "Fuck off you Irish Twat" or even "Go home the famines over" I don't think its racist. Highly offensive and meant to get me riled up yes, but not racist.

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    5. The cue is in the abuse Rod.

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    6. So if I call a group of young teenagers loitering somewhere a "bunch of pubeless wonders" am I a child abuser?

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    7. No Rod,you'd still be your usual charming self.

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  39. Just in from BBC....

    Two teenagers who racially abused Newcastle United striker Sammy Ameobi on Twitter have been given final warnings by police, the Crown Prosecution Service has said.
    ------------------
    Why are they not been thrown in jail? Or at least being taken to court?

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  40. Replies
    1. I'm so enraged, how dare you call me a penis! I'm calling the cops. I'm telling.

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  41. Reading some more of Rod's lovely prose, one can only assume he has a veerrrrryyy thick skin, or is a troll...

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    1. I'm not disputing it being an offensive comment, I'm only disputing it being racist. I kind of feel the word racist is going down the same road as fascist where people start using it all the time to describe something generally offensive when it should only be used you know....when someone is being a fascist or a racist.

      Delete
  42. I see the Argies are naming the next season after the Belgano. Great idea hope it catches on.

    Look forward to seeing the Titanic English Prem, the la Armada ligua BBVa, le Waterloo ligue 1, and the Post Roman Empire Italian military History Serie A

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  43. anyway rod I see SAF has condemned recent instances of racism and called for a clampdown so retract the guff you posted above and apologise to Him otherwise He'll be round your gaff armed with rooney on a leash and giggs dressed as the Gimp

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    Replies
    1. I like the capitalising of the H! He is God after all. Am I being religionist now?

      Delete
  44. SAF is like a mythical beast. Mourinho to take over soon

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  45. Yeah the Belgrano league is a weird one. Just another attempt to whip the population up into a nationalist fervour as the 30th anniversary of the war approaches. Anything to deflect attention away from the fact that their country is bankrupt, both morally and financially.

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  46. I thought the england cricket team do a good job of kicking the ball, sadly it tends to be in front of the wickets and in the wrong sport, but perhaps we could put Bell in defense?

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  47. ... bring back beckham as captain ... ! ... what, too old?

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  48. Make him the bloody England Manager for the Euros and lets get it over with. Short and painless.

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  49. A little bit tastee, a little bit wurrrr....

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  50. ...and why has Robbo's blog adopted a time zone 8 hours behind GMT?

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  51. Whether Terry is innocent or guilty is irrelevant to the F.A.'s decision. The fact of the matter is that England are going into a 2nd successive tournament under a cloud of needless controversy due to his actions. This in itself justifies the armband being revoked in my opinion.

    Neutral Irishman

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  52. so, Harry takes over for the Euros and earns all his salary and win bonuses abroad therefore taking it tax free. perfect.

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  53. Roger, I think it's Boro time.

    I agree with Neutral Irishman (except I think Terry should be excluded from the squad altogether - surely his presence is not good for team unity).

    Really pleased 'Arry has been acquitted. Looks like HMRC really had it in for Pompey. Peter Storrie and Mandaric were acquitted on separate charges. seems like the Bill and HMRC tipped off the press they were going to raid 'Arry's 'ouse, which is a disgrace.


    Jedi

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  54. Well, would be really nice if Fabio was asked to fuck off by the FA today and 'arry offered his place. We would really be going in to a tournament for once with (and without) the right people.

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  55. Arry the author of hid own misfortune, he should never of called that judge a black cunt

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  56. Yes my auntie maureen would whip em into shape the old battle axe

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  57. A troubling moment in the Martyrdom of Our Arry, Modern Hero/ shyster/ dog "lover"...

    "If she was as nice as Rosie they have got a good wife"

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  58. AH, your idea sounds like a cunning scouse stunt to get Spurs to drop out of the top 4.

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  59. To what end Trotts? Only thing that would happen would the gooners would probably nip into their spot (or the barcodes). we have no hope till we can find a proper striker. should've taken up elmandy when he was available.

    Are you lot due some snow as well in NJ today? I had forgotten it was winter.

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  60. Just sent my application for the England managers job. I'd whip your boys into shape no bother and make sure everybody had a racist sounding nickname.

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  61. dunno AH, leaving for England tonight so as long as the Captain has a can of de-icer and his telescopic scraper, we'll be ok.

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  62. Going back to the earlier topic, I have to agree with Rod, and I must say I don't often agree with him, that I do not see as well why calling someone black is different than calling someone short or bald or ugly or Noel..., yes its offensive (although black is not really offensive as well, cunt is more offensive) but its not racist, now the word Suarez used definitely has a racial tone to it,
    and no i am not white so you can not say I am talking this way coz I do not know what it feels like to be racially discriminated, I do. Its just that it pisses me of that describing someone's physical attributes is now considered akin to racism, which does take the focus away from the real instances of racism.

    --BeeZee

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  63. Capello resigns!
    Happy days are here again na na na na NA na na na na ....oh

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  64. Bee zee don't spoil the moment the Italian cunt has gone!

    Free - ee Harry Redknapp!
    Free - ee Harry Redknapp!

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  65. Capello is no more the England manager.

    'resigned'

    Good riddance.

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  66. Or is maureen up for it?

    Is it too late to exhume alf ramsey?

    Can we secretly clone Brian clough?

    Of course the best man for the job would be myself, but I'm afraid I'm busy watching telly this summer

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  67. Meanwhile in the clouds, a bolton fan in exile is unaware that he is soon to set foot in ann England suddenly free of the tyranny of fat middle aged midfielders, glen Johnson and 442. An England free for Mich Richards to step into the team as captain ( he's man c capt) an England free of an over paid Italian who sailed too close to the rocks of the euros with sn inept crew and has now conveniently tripped into a lifeboat. John terry victim of injustice who's going to believe that?

    Past it, over paid, unimaginative, no speekee Da inglis, and now exposed as a typical cowardly Italian. As spit says good fucking riddance

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  68. Betting suspended on Arry becoming England manager.

    It's Fate. Euros(not the chocolate currency). They in the bag

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  69. Arry has now accepted the England job and has promised to rechristen the team rosie47

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  70. I rang up a local builder and said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

    ReplyDelete
  71. Then there was the guy who collapsed in an Indian restaurant. He is now stable but remains in a Korma

    ReplyDelete
  72. I gather january/Feb is the best time to buy camping equipment...
    Now is the winter of our discount tents.

    ReplyDelete
  73. My uncle had a job circumcising elephants. The pay was pretty low but the tips were enormous.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I went out to buy some of them camouflage trousers...couldn't find

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  75. This is my celebratory capello gone jokathon.

    They're going to get worse....

    ReplyDelete
  76. In a recent survey it was discovered that only 1 in 7 dwarves is happy.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I used to be dyslexic but I'm butter now..

    ReplyDelete
  78. I had a survey done on my house. Most people said they liked it.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Difference between Gordon Ramsay and a cross country run?
    One's a pant in the country....

    ReplyDelete
  80. I went on an alcohol diet last week.
    It worked.
    I lost three days.

    ReplyDelete
  81. I went to the doctor. I said doctor I've had my arm broken in several places.
    Well don't go to those places.

    ReplyDelete
  82. All the toilets in the local police station have been stolen

    Police admit they didn't have much to go on.

    ReplyDelete
  83. My parents never understood me. They were Japanese.

    ReplyDelete
  84. I phoned up the gym and said I want to do Yoga. The woman said 'are you flexible' I said 'well I can't do Tuesdays'

    ReplyDelete
  85. So I quit my job at the faecal analysis lab . . . after five years I just felt I was going through the motions.

    ReplyDelete
  86. I bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door

    ReplyDelete
  87. I went for an indian head massage. But I couldn't get one. Because I don't have an Indian head.

    ReplyDelete
  88. 'My mother was a lollipop lady.....long, thin body. Big round sticky head'....Harry Hill

    ReplyDelete
  89. The Buddha goes up to a hot dog stand and says: "make me one with everything". - Buddha.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Don't leave Alphabeti Spaghetti too long in the microwave...
    ...if it explodes, it could spell Disaster.

    ReplyDelete
  91. A German man was selling his prawn cocktail starter on the internet.
    He was only ebaying hors d'oeuvres.

    ReplyDelete
  92. The othere one's a country in the pant... dont get it mate.

    A bit like the Australian Country Party poli that stood before the crowd and began... I'm a Country member... to which the crowd loudly agreed.

    Sorry to break your run there mate... it is impressive.

    Fab Fabio fucking finished... fucking fantastic news

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  93. Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.

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  94. Man goes to see a Doctor and says " Doctor I think I have turned into a moth"
    Doctor " Well why did you come to see me then"
    Man " I was passing your surgery and I saw your light was on"

    ReplyDelete
  95. Old bloke down our road died tragically recently-found face down in a bowl of muesli.
    Police reckon he was pulled under by a strong currant.

    ReplyDelete
  96. My doctor told me I had to stop masturbating.
    "Why?" I asked.
    "Because I'm trying to take your temperature."

    ReplyDelete
  97. Jesus wept Blog, you having some sort of joke shit storm? I think youse should be careful what youse wish for. Capello was exactly what you wanted remember.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Well you say that, rod, but Sid Lowes got a job as a newsreader . He announced in his first bulletin There's one nun dead in Haiti

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  99. Did you hear the one about the joke with the missing punchline?

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  100. Irish historians in Co. Galway claim to have found the headstone of the oldest man who ever lived. He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin.

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  101. Cracking bit of news to wake up to this morning. I reckon Capello must read this blog and seen all our comments. And seeing as he resigned, I guess he's not entitled to some huge pay-off or contract ending gratuity payment? Lovely. Now I guess talk turns to his successor. I guess Harry will take it at the end of the season. I wander if Mourinho's interested??!

    Blogs, you're on top form mate.

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  102. Keep it going blogs. We havent had so many posts in weeks.

    Woohoo....Euros finally in the bag. Rafa for England.

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  103. Capello was exactly what you wanted remember.
    ==============================================

    No Rodney, he was exactly what we deserved... and if whoever comes in next doesn't get rid of the golden shower, then we will get what we deserve again.

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  104. If 'Arry does get the job, then I expect more of the golden showers to be named in the squad - this is a manager who just signed Saha and Nelson, and was sniffing round Drogba and Rio in the summer. He also brought Becks in to train with the Spurs squad because he likes to have experienced players around the group. Plus, Lampard is his nephew, so he can't dump him can he?

    If he does go, then Levy will do well to give old Guus a call to see what he's up to. He'd better do it quick too, before Roman gives AVB the Spanish archer. Mourinho to Spurs is crap - he'd never work for the salary we'd offer him, and he'd never attract the players he's used to on the playing salaries we offer.

    ReplyDelete
  105. 5 Stars for Blog

    any royalties due please forward to Port Vale survival Fund

    ReplyDelete
  106. We can thank/blame terry for the latest debacle .... if he had done the decent and intelligent thing and resigned the captaincy until he was cleared then wed still have the failure capello (ate ee any further forward than under the comical mcclaren? No)

    Please dont give me this capello shit about innocent until proven guilty ... some jobs have to be above suspicion for dome offences ... Caesars wife accused of adultery, bankers accused of theft, teachers accused of child sex offences, racist England captains HAVE to be suspended until they are cleared.

    Terry would have resigned as captain if he had a shred of decency. Now he's got more blood on hid hands.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Of course I don't think this was the real reason capello resigned, but terrys words and actions gave him a plausible pretext

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  108. At least we've got an excuse when ee get knocked out in the semis.

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  109. Garth crooks talking unintelligible bollocks on the BBC.

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  110. Agreed GC was total bollox

    Iwas about to say and agree with you Blog, that JT's legal team made all this worse by getting the case delayed till after the Euros cos hes too busy

    Get him in court today and hang him tomorrow, oops according to Fab, thats not the Anglo Saxon spirit

    ReplyDelete
  111. Capello has the highest England team win ratio in the modern game, 60%. Allegedly.

    Still didn't like him.

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  112. Whoever takes over from Capello isn't an issue for me.The problem with English football and the England football team.£200k a week some of these clowns are on and they can trap a ball further than I can kick it.Yet once again they don't get the stick they deserve the manager does.Assume 'arry does take over,do you really think it will be any different?

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  113. only a psycho can make a team out of these current players ... so stuart pearce it is then!

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  114. Morning all.

    So my scenario 5 predicted earlier has come true. Like big honchos in corporate world are not fired from job but requested to resign after having back door meetings...the same fate must have met Fabio Crapello as he announced his resignation. Agreed with Noel on Jose Mourinho. If England seek quick short term success then Mourinho could be the answer...because he has that win at all costs attitude. Otherwise like everyone else thinks 'Arry is the man for the job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Evening Gents, well it is here in little ol NZ.

      Good news and bad this week then. Ryan Nelsen, Captain of club and country and owner of quite possibly the squarest chin in all of the Premier League signs for the beloved which means more sports stories featuring Spurs. Previously our local hacks liked to fixate on only three teams: United, whomever United were beating and Blackburn. Which lead to quite the contrast in fortunes with each report, as you can well imagine.

      So now we get United, whomever United are beating and the mighty Spurs. But only if they're being beaten by United...

      Now Accapello has spat the dummy and it looks like 'Arry will piss off and take his job just when the going gets good, for fucks sake. Is this karma? Is it comeuppance? Is this some white cunts joke that us black cunts don't get? Oh no, hang on, that's JT...

      Maybe we'll get Marty 'Rhymes with Party' Jol back, he's not doing much these days.

      Carry on lads, as you were.

      Delete
  115. I feel really sorry for any Spurs fan now, just when their team seems to be getting a bit of consistency in the league, the whole nation demands that their coach becomes England manager. Its the curse of the jew I suppose.

    .....Is that racist? Just checking where the nasty-piece-of-shit-racist-bastard line is.

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  116. England manager's job = overrated.

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  117. As a Spurs fan, I don't want Redknapp to go. So, what about Arsene Wenger for England manager? He'd clear out the "golden shower generation" and play a younger team (the full team could probably double as the Under 19s), no defeat would ever be down to the players, and Arsenal could go back to doing what they do best, boring football.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  118. jacksofbuxtonFeb 6, 2012 04:50 AM
    Terry is a bucket of shit.

    Jacks - thats harsh - what did I do to you ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I saw the blog title FBH,I assumed it was about your latest eye test.

      Delete
  119. Don't want 'arry.

    I'd suggest Hiddink.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Roger TFeb 7, 2012 05:49 AM
    How can calling someone a "black cunt" not be racist ffs? You'll be saying it's a cultural thing next.

    Agreed - including the ffs - Rod - why do the Irish hate the English???????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't hate the English, we're just biding our time.....

      And I still don't think calling someone a black cunt is racist.

      Delete
    2. Rod, can't see how anything to do with JT can be "cultural".


      Jedi

      Delete
    3. I think that was Roger saying that.

      Delete
    4. Oops, sorry! Got confused by the various messages.

      I'd blame it on old age and memory loss, but I forgot.


      Jedi

      Delete
  121. RodTheFierceFeb 8, 2012 01:14 PM
    I think youse should be careful what youse wish for. Capello was exactly what you wanted remember.

    Rod - I just love the way you categorise ENgland fans all the same - isnt that a from of racism - the irish chip on the shoulder is tedious - back to twitter ...... @terryfbh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FBH I'm genuinely sorry if I offended you. You're a nice guy. As its not possible for me to say all the opinions of every English person I am forced somewhat to generalise or sum up the majority of what I have heard/read.

      I dunno what I've said recently that would provoke your "chip on your shoulder" comment.

      And no generalising a culture is not racist. Maybe Alanis Morissette should write a song about racist situations to help people know what the word really means haha.

      Delete
  122. very sad that my digital pseudo pal H2H has finally found something better to do

    Prosit metgezel.

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  123. Stuart Pearce placed in temporary charge of England.

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  124. I think there will be a problem in getting 'Arry.
    He recently admitted he scribbles like a 2 yr old toddler, so how is he going to fill the app form, and if he manages that, who's going to be able to read it?

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  125. I think also that he might be worried about appearing hypocritical to Modric if he immediately agrees to the greener grass(England job).

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  126. Can't see 'Arry taking the job (full time) before the end of the season. someone will have to take charge though. Stuart Pearce is a joke.

    Back to Fabio: just following a recent Italian tradition of deserting a sinking ship, I'd say


    Jedi

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  127. Just been confirmed, as I suspected, Crapello was paid off to resign.

    Our FA does cover itself in shite, dont they?

    No balls to even fire an employee for breach of contract.

    ReplyDelete
  128. I agree Jack... Hiddink is the best man for the job. But if we have to have Englsih then Redknapp or Hodgson. But really, it makes fuck all difference who is in charge because they will be selecting a team for the 2012 Euros instead of the 2018 WC.

    ReplyDelete
  129. The 1900 Olympic Games held in Paris included croquet, billiards, cricket, golf, rugby, tug-of-war and fishing

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  130. They're the sensible ones, Bo. What ably poodle clipping, van driving and fire fighting? This is why they will never trust Paris with the Games ever again....

    http://www.11points.com/Sports/11_Strangest_Former_Olympic_Sports

    ReplyDelete
  131. rafa benitez has much better record than redknapp, and he's available ... so give him the job! admit it, england is better with foreigner as manager.

    ReplyDelete
  132. I think poodle clipping should be re-introduced... it surely has as much worth as a sporting event as synchronised swimming.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Still haven't heard back from the FA. You think they'd at least allow me the courtesy of knowing whether I'm in the running or not. I need to give a months notice where I work. So unprofessional.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear that Rod. I'm still waiting to hear back from THFC about Junior. I've been emailing them for years. He's 13 now, they better get a move on otherwise one of them foreign teams will move on him. Probably Madrid.

      Delete
  134. One for Rod.

    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2012/0209/1224311520679.html

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  135. In Alaska it is against the law to "disturb a grizzly bear in order to take it's picture".... they needed to make a law to try to stop people doing that? Fucking unbelieveable.

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  136. The manager of the English football team must be the toughest job in world sports. The expectations on team success far outweight team potential and team potential is rarely realised. If I was 'arry, I would stay at Spurs where team potential is probably greater than fan expectations and where the meedja will give him a less torrid time.

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  137. If I was Harry, I would also stay at Spurs, Bo. But purely from my selfish point of view.

    I find it absurd that the BBC have gone from reporting that Harry should be the favourite for the England job, to now reporting who should replace him at Spurs. How about they just wait and see who gets the national job first eh?

    Harry is obviously thinking about it - everyone else bar Hodgson has ruled themselves out. By not doing that, he's obviously keen.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Big game today.

    Ipswich v Boro.

    So good luck to Robbo and FBH.

    But not too much.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Dearo Robbo o. i a thought youa mighta puta another, howa you sayo, blogo, on here about my resignito. To say I ama dispointedo, it lets sayo understatemento, come on and givea me bloggo time. I ama now goingo to the manage the biggesta littleista clubo in the worldo called Accrington Stanleyo.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Revenge is sweet

    Adams Shrimpers made into a prawn cocktail by the Millers

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  141. Suarez is an idiot, I dont understand why H2H never told us about it. I cannot understand why he would push away Evra's outstretched hand. What the hell is he so aggrieved about. that was just rubbish. this was the opportunity for the clubs to bring down the tension between the 2 clubs and supporters.

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  142. Its just Suarez and his darks arts. Hopefully Evra won't rise to the bait.

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  143. I dont think Downing touched the ball once in that half. Get him the hell out of there and bring bellamy in. ditto for henderson and adam.

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  144. And now some talk of fisticuffs in the tunnel. disgraceful.

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  145. Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney on Luis Suarez's decision not to shake Patrice Evra's hand before kick-off: "We are all professional and we have to concentrate on our job on the pitch. It is between two individuals and is not for us to get involved with."
    ==================================
    Possibly the most articulate and sensible comment from Rooney ever.

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  146. Abandoned at Portman Road.Frozen pitch.

    Still,at least the away fans don't have far to go.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Shame the same can't be said for Ferguson

    "He's a disgrace to Liverpool Football Club, that certain player should not be allowed to play for Liverpool again. The history that club's got and he does that and in a situation like today could have caused a riot."

    People may not agree with it but it would have been a sham for the cameras if he had shaken his hand after everything that has happened between them.

    Sheppy

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  148. O clumsiness thy name is Mertesacker...
    tried to hand them a penalty in the first half and now this, sorry to see you injured but in a way we can see our best two defenders in the middle and with Gibbs coming back the timing fits, as horrid as that sounds,

    (and Ramsey scoring, whats up with that? the whole world is upside down)
    --BeeZee

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  149. That's bullshit sheppy. Anyways, evra had the last laugh. Suarez is an undignified character alright, but dalglish is dragging Liverpools reputation through the dirt by defending him. it smacks of desperation to keep him.

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  150. Henryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    --BeeZee

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  151. I agree Suarez is a dreadful human being (although Evra isn't much better)and he clearly still has issues with Evra. So why have the two of them pretending everything is fine between them with a staged handshake for the media?

    Suarez knew he wasn't going to shake Evra's hand before the game started so why didn't the FA, given everything that has happened between the players and clubs, ask each player before the game if they were prepared to shake hands and if the answer was no - cancel the handshakes.

    Instead you get Suarez acting like an idiot and creating issues for the game, when the situation should never have happened in the first place.

    Sheppy

    ReplyDelete
  152. 4 assists so far before HT for Addy the whore

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