Monday, 23 April 2012

Anyone But You Two

They think it’s all over.... but by Fergie’s Florid Face it isn’t, me hearties! As sure as there’s a picture of Roberto Mancini in the window of every 1980’s gentlemen’s hairdressers, there’s a game and a half to be had next Monday. So why do I feel uneasy? Well, one of ‘em’s going to end up happy. And I’m not looking forward to that.

Now where's that lovely smile gone, eh?

Of course I might be able to offer a reluctant shrug in the direction of much of Citeh’s league form this year – the incision and swiftness of their interplay; the invention of David Silva as he unpicks a defence like a seasoned shellfish eater picking out a winkle with a pin; the drive of the mighty Yaya as he drives forward like a Volvo Estate through a cloud of flies.

But Yaya went to Africa, Silva turned to brass, Kompany got dismissed then crocked, and Tevez was back home honing his golf swing. For inspiration they turned to some English yeomen or Mario Bagatelli, the man with the pinball brain. Yes, the vainglory of Citeh as their involvement in Europe became so minimal as to be Marine Le Pen-like (and by ‘eck them Frenchies lie to the opinion pollsters every election, don’t they? Put a pencil and a ballot paper in their hands though and one fifth of them turn into racists of the most rabid kind) and the title slipped through their blinged-up sky-blue fingers.

 And all the while Ferguson, with an infusion of unsung heroes, ploughed his well-worn furrow with the certainty of the seasoned artisan. No complacency, no real razzle-dazzle, but a lot of know-how. And slowly the wheel turned back to old Professor Plum. And across town the deflowering of Manchester’s Miss Peacock would have to wait.

I mean there he is, old man Fergie, allowing himself a right old chuckle on the touchline at Old Trafford as United take an unassailable 4-2 lead. But the face was positively molten with rage by the end. Ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Yes, for the average football fan for whom triumph is as elusive and short-lived as the life of a damselfly, the mirth to be had at the expense of the expensively-assembled is one’s only recompense.

But then this season hasn’t really put paid to the argument that wealth will out. Dalglish’s laughable ragbag of a team, winner of five home games out of seventeen, might well end the season with two cups.

Jeez, even Chelsea, run with all the clear-sightedness of a mole in a sandstorm, might just weedle their way into a Champions League final.

Loth as I am to give credit to Newcastle, they’ve bucked the trend a bit, and in Cabaye, Cisse and the mended Ben Arfa (hard not to think of him in Albert Square isn’t it?) they’ve got four of the players of the season. Pardew has shopped around brilliantly but he’s had a fair bit more to spend than many.

The reason that Swansea and Norwich have been so roundly praised, or patronised, is that they’ve got fuck-all money and they’ve squeezed every last ounce of talent from the poundstretcher purchases they’ve got. David Moyes is the benchmark for most managers these days and he’s won sweet f-all in his time at Goodison.

If you support these clubs you can stick out a firm chin and be ‘proud of the lads’ cos they’ve given irrational per cents of effort.


If you support one of the top clubs you spend the season with either that sneer-cum-gloat that Abramovich walks around wearing or the hard-eyed sense of injustice that Mark Hughes employs every time one of his hooped masochists begs the ref to turn yellow to red.

Not for you the scramble for fourth spot, the humbling foot-slog of the Europa League.

Now it may well be that the Europa League is the Lidl of international club football but as any acute observer, unswollen by the trappings of ceaseless wealth and the tedium of success, will tell you, we like a traipse round Europe cos our team’s done well. Ask Stoke, Fulham, hellfire Boro!

But for now the plucky majority can only stand by, like meek flag-waving peasants at some royal bloody parade, as Mancini and Ferguson start ratchetting up the tension for this season’s big one.

It’s difficult isn’t it, neutrals? As with voting preferences in this country you have to ask yourself what’s the least worst option?

Citeh finally collaring a title, their expenditure just about exceeding their capacity to self-destruct, and Mancini plodding along with this ridiculous post-match pessimism that contrasts markedly the Handbook of Italian Gesture he unveils in the technical area.
A side that have somehow embraced a man who displayed some of the rankest behaviour by a professional footballer ever witnessed at a British club.

Or Him Again. The Greatest Manager Ever Ever Ever. Two titles in two years with a bunch of players who most independent observers reckon ain’t all that. It would be his finest achievement yet. But for God’s sake you’ve achieved enough you greedy Glaswegian git. Get your bus pass, give the job to Moyes and let the poor bloke win summat himself (preferably after a brief hiatus where, I dunno, Norwich win the League).

Yes, yes, yes, it’s plain envy on one level. But this should be a mouth-watering fixture – up there with the Liverpool-Arsenal decider in ’89 (and I’ll be honest and say I wanted the post-Hillsborough ‘Pool to win that cos they’d played some of the most gorgeous football known to man that season).

"We have no chance. We are shit, honestly."

And yet for the neutral there’s no choice available. We don’t want either of you to win it. Simple as that. If I was at the Premier League I’d be deducting fifteen points off each of you out of sheer bloody spite. And that still wouldn’t be enough. So good luck on Monday. May the best team win. And lose.

268 comments:

  1. I'd say Pardew has been superb at Newcastle.They play well and he hasn't spent masses of cash.They look like a well run club now.Be great if they got 4th.

    As for the top,I'd prefer City.If only because I like Mancini.

    At the bottom?QPR to go down because Mark Hughes is a bell-end.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can't believe I'm first and I read the blog!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Obviously not!

    ReplyDelete
  4. As an Arsenal Fan, i'd like to see United win the title. I can't bear the thought of seeing Nasri and Clichy lifting the cup, especially since they had so little in procuring it. Les Mercenaries

    ReplyDelete
  5. from the recent games you dont have to have the ball to knick a win. Chelsea, RM and Westbrom.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't care who wins, as long as it ain't Utd.

    And at the bottom, I echo Jack's comments about Hughes. Such a twat. And please can he take that pathetic excuse of a football club/poultry farm with him.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mancini spends £217 million, enters 5 competitons (Carling Cup, FA Cup, Champions League, Europa League & Premier League) and could end up winning none.
    Dalglish spends £100 million, enters 3 competions, wins at least 1 and in the final of another, yet its KD who gets lambasted!

    ReplyDelete
  8. As I said earlier I am still undecided on who I would want to win the league.. you came up with this to solve my doubts. Anyone But You Two - Good blog Robbo!

    ReplyDelete
  9. And many thanks for not mentioning Wenger on this blog. His journey in surviving the relegation fight has been remarkable.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'd like to see City win it I think. Their fans have tasted shit recently whereas Utd fans are a bunch of gloating fuckers.

    As for the bottom, I'm a QPR fan so against all of you who hate Hughes, obviously I want the R's to stay up. Just wish Warnock could've done it because even I hate Sparky. I think we might as well, I just fancy Blackburn and Bolton to go, especially if Villa's players buck their ideas up tomorrow, Blackburn still have Chelsea and Spurs to play too.

    Geordies for third anyone?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Personally, I'd choose the poo sandwich (Citeh) simply because they've won fuck all so far. As for the drop zone, I predict the chicken shit and QPR to go down with wolves. Bolton and Wigan seem to have an easier ride and better managers to see them through.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The Dizzy Penguin23 April 2012 at 15:49

    Was at The Riverside on Saturday, away end. Fair play to Boro (Hines should've seen a 2nd yellow - but hey ho) it was a cracking goal that won it.

    Drank at Last Orders, The Bridge Inn and Lord Byron pre-match. The Bridge was like somewhere out of Life On Mars... loved it!

    Regarding today's blog, I agree 100%! It's mega exciting - but if only there was a way they could both lose!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. As a pre-Abramobucks Chelsea fan, I am pulling for... uh... neither of them? Howsabout a 9-9 draw? Even though I love seeing Chelsea win, they are painful to watch at times, and hardly deserve a spot in the CL next year, if Europe at all. At least City played attractive football. Sometimes. Shed the two crazies and they are almost worth pulling for. At least against Utd. Maybe.

    Sure, it sickens me that most of the players in the top half of the league are paid more per week than I make in a year, and not just due to the weak US Dollar. But as long as they're playing for my team, I can stomach it. If they aren't--and sometimes especially when they are--they're overpaid bastards on a team of rich fat-cats who would happily swap their kit for a new one if it came with a better paycheck.

    But how do you fix it? Newcastle is this year's Everton/Stoke/Fulham. One year of breaking into/near the rich kids' gang before getting torn apart proudly and deservedly overextending themselves in Europe, then spending a few years trying to recover. Maybe Tottenham are there to stay. (Does it matter if Harry does?) How much did they spend to get there? The only way to the top is through the bank.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have a sneaky feeling Citeh might do it - if only cos United have at least one more flaky performance in them. They may have the easier games but Citeh look a tad more focused. I expect Fergie to send out a highly defensive outfit next Monday and cross his fingers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Nice blog RR and cheers to Jacks for the heads up.

    Well seeing that AH has chosen the poo sandwich half of my anology, I'll opt for the glasss of warm piss (utd).

    I know, I know their fans are indeed a bunch of smug smarmy gits that you wouldn't want to waste your urine on even if their hair was on fire (not all ofcourse) but I just feel that Fergie deserves it more, he is the superior manager and has got more milage out of his current squad then I ever suspected, plus he doesn't suffer fools and would never have allowed or tolarated all the shit that has gone down on the other side of town.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apols H....didnt realize it was your analogy, always thought it was Shakespeare. Royalty check is on its way.

      Delete
  16. Hook mancini and saffo up to that machine in The Forbidden Planet and let the outcome be determined by the power of their mindgames. Then cross your fingers and hope an indestructible rampaging mindmonster stamps Manchester into the dust

    ReplyDelete
  17. good stuff Robbo, I'll have to look up Damselfly, I think we started the season with 17 of them in our squad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damselfly is young and agile, but flighty and fragile... and has just been signed by Arsenal.

      Delete
  18. they'll probably loan him to us for a season.

    ReplyDelete
  19. hahaha mudda fuckers, there it is ^^^^^^^^^^. Any road up, I want Man U to win the title now that Bolton appear out of it. It'll make the most people happy and that's a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'll go for citeh, even tho saf would deserve to be knighted a 2nd time if he wins
    Henry Mancini would be wise to see how the Toffees coped in midfield and reduce the Frank Sinatra of midfielders to being less effective than in previous weeks. Also think Carlos and Kun will be more than a match for Rio & Jonny

    btw great blog Robbo

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sod the utilitarianism approach Trotts. I just want to rub my smug Utd supporting mates' noses in it. I'm not getting any glory so why should they?

    Big week for Tottenham - Blackburn and Bolton. Anything less than 6 points and we're finishing 6th. But I'm predicting we get 1 point. Two teams battling for their lives. Yakubu to down us, and Bale to dive to win a last minute penalty against the Trotters to rescue us a point.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Noel, gloating at the failure and misery of your pals disappointments is absolutely despicable. Ain't it funny though.
    I don't know any City fans, where are they all?

    ReplyDelete
  23. You complete my football week Robbo. Greetings from New Zealand, I wish upon you a great summer so you can sit outdoors downing pints with your mates.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Even if Citeh win on Monday I'd still fancy United as Citeh have to go to Newcastle away. United have to go to Sunderland the last game but I think that will be an easy game as they've nothing to play for. I'm not overly concerned. I fear quite a few here will be disappointed =0P

    ReplyDelete
  25. Where's Adam when you need him.

    Your Tory chums now responsible for "ethnic cleansing"

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-17821018

    ReplyDelete
  26. Good read!
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2134120/Barcelona-v-Chelsea-Beauty-needs-beast--Martin-Samuel.html

    ReplyDelete
  27. 2 awards in 2 days for Robin van Persie. Congratulations RvP! Please stay :)

    He Gets Awards When He Wants!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Not that it matters who I would rather win the league but its damn well not Citeh.

    ManU winning the league over Citeh is the only good thing here.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I can't see why they had to change it...

    http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/spanish-newspaper-sport-forced-to-change-their-front-cover-today-look-at-puyol-xavi/

    ReplyDelete
  30. I can't see Citeh winning at Newcastle either Rod. Their away form is shit against any team willing to give it a go and that's the difference between the two manc teams.

    ReplyDelete
  31. It isn't social cleansing just the old practice of if you can't afford to live in an area do what everyone else has to do - move somewhere you can afford or gat a job that pays enough that you can afford the rent.

    Realistically people fall on hard times and need support but there is a limit where its long enough and you you have to cut your cloth accordingly (otherwise I could quit work move to Kensington and get a place near to Harrods and say thanks to the local council)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So it's a good idea to uproot 500 families in London and move them 160 miles north?

      Delete
  32. Holloway2HollandApr 24, 2012 03:54 AM
    I can't see why they had to change it...

    http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/spanish-newspaper-sport-forced-to-change-their-front-cover-today-look-at-puyol-xavi/

    ---------------------

    They wanted a bigger picture of Messi so they have scaled down the other players and switched around the banner adverts at the bottom

    ReplyDelete
  33. TrotterUSAApr 23, 2012 07:20 PM
    Noel, gloating at the failure and misery of your pals disappointments is absolutely despicable. Ain't it funny though.
    I don't know any City fans, where are they all?

    ---------------

    The entire genuine supporters club is in a phone box in moss-side with space for a couple more people in it

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm a little confused by Rangers claiming "draconian punishments" have been administered. They broke a shit lot of SFA rules and broke the law, they should count themselves lucky if they don't lose all their league titles from the past 10 years. Its only gonna get worse as well when they get told by some judge they owe 80 million or whatever it is to the tax man.

    ReplyDelete
  35. One of the buyers won't buy unless there are no sanctions. I think they sohould be liquidated and forced to start in Scottish 3rd. It'll take them 3 years to get out of it and the little clubs will get loads of income for the next 3 years

    ReplyDelete
  36. by out of it I meant the entire SFL rather than SCottish 3rd itself

    ReplyDelete
  37. Whyte, who was charged with not being a fit and proper person to be a director, faces fines of £200,000.

    "It doesn't affect my life, I'm just disappointed what it does to Rangers. It's an outrage," Whyte told BBC Sport.

    Doesn't affect my life????

    Must be nice to have more money then sense, eh?

    On the other hand, if I was him I'd steer well clear of any prodestant areas of Glasgow.

    ReplyDelete
  38. For all we know he might well be Catholic and a closet Celtic fan and be sitting there thinking job done.

    Bit like secret agent Harry Redknapp who took a short holiday relegated Southampton and went back to Portsmouth who love him as much for that as for the FA Cup

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hes just a very shrewd business man who has a history of profiteering from businesses that go into administration. He bought a club that he knew was fucked for a pound safe in the knowledge that as the leading/primary or whatever you call it creditor he stands to make millions from it. The only real crime he has done is take advantage of a club that were fucked anyway. David Murray and his executives at the time are hiding away hoping the Rangers' fans continue to delude themselves into thinking its all Whyte's fault. Sorry times for a huge club but the rules are the rules.

      Delete
  39. Re ethnic cleansing - Can the Govt stop saying that these people are just handed £21,000 a year and 'Wouldn't anyone like that?' (a) it'd barely pay for the average cabinet minister's bathroom tiles, and (b) that money goes straight from the welfare state into the hands of private landlords. Okay so these poor people get a roof over their heads - lucky undeserving bastards - but they're not exactly profiteering from it, are they?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Yeah, but look at where those two clubs are now.

    'Arry wreaked just as much havoc at Pompey and left them for the bigger better deal (Sp**ds, *chuckles) who he in turn would drop like a bad habbit if the FA are stupid enough to still want him.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Re RE Ethnic cleansing.

    I in no way shape or form agree with how the govt are handling this situation, but to use the phrase "ethnic cleansing" or 'Kosovo-style cleansing' seems a bit insulting to those who suffered a hell of a lot more then just the indignity of having to move house.

    ReplyDelete
  42. The Tees MouthApr 24, 2012 05:03 AM
    Re ethnic cleansing - Can the Govt stop saying that these people are just handed £21,000 a year and 'Wouldn't anyone like that?' (a) it'd barely pay for the average cabinet minister's bathroom tiles, and (b) that money goes straight from the welfare state into the hands of private landlords. Okay so these poor people get a roof over their heads - lucky undeserving bastards - but they're not exactly profiteering from it, are they?

    -----------------------

    No and I'm not suggesting that they are at all but there is an economic argument to say that location needs to be driven by your ability to afford it and whilst they don't see the money they do still benefit from living in an area that would typically be out of their ability to live in so if there is a cap on housing benefit it is only logical that sooner or later some of the people will have to downgrade to cheaper housing, migrate or pay the difference.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I'd love to live in Hampshire - can't afford it and it would be unfair to expect the government to pick the tab up so I have to live in the North cos it's cheaper.

    ReplyDelete
  44. jacksofbuxtonApr 24, 2012 04:56 AM
    So it's a good idea to uproot 500 families in London and move them 160 miles north?
    ------------------------------

    Not at all but I daresay there is a little bit of poetic licence there as I'm sure suitable housing is available in a neighbouring borough or at least in a 20/ 30 mile radius

    ReplyDelete
  45. in the press I meant not your comment - apologies for where it is placing but reply function won't work for me

    ReplyDelete
  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Blog,

    I'm not unsympathetic at all and have no issue with taxpayers monet supporting those who need it but there is a finite limit of expenditure and maybe some sort of cap on rents chargeable by private landlords who receive benefits to stop them charging their tenants on top of the housing benefits.

    The social demographics aren't really that important as to whether they are cockneys, immigrants or whatever but there either needs to be a cap, people need to reassess where they are living or more council housing needs to be built somewhere to drive up supply and that would force landlords to lower their prices.

    £10 billion to the IMF is ridiculous though. That money would be better kept in the UK and used to fund something that's been cut due to austerity.

    The best thing would be to get them all to train as Engineers and work on a contract basis in Aberdeen or abroad as they get an absolute fortune and then where they were living wouldn't bee a problem as by that point they wouldn't want to live in Newham anyway

    ReplyDelete
  48. There is also the "pushing the poor beyond the brink" aspect of all of this isn't there. Moving the poor to the fringes of Paris hasnt really been a smashing success has it ? Well, there has been a good deal of smashing there I guess, but not too much success. I think the $10 bil to the IMF rankles a bit. Use some of it to improve transportation (lowering commuting costs - make it easier for people to commute into the city) and improve housing within the city. A lot of the poor are those in lower paying jobs, and not just unemployed hobos. The city cannot survive without the services they provide. If they are moved far out and its too expensive for them to commute daily, who the heck is going to do their jobs ?

    ReplyDelete
  49. the 10bn to the IMF isn't a loan,Gideon is just asking them to keep it warm for him.

    Adam,I don't think it's as simple as people need to reassess where they are living.Assume Stoke or Macclesfield (2 of the councils that have confirmed they received letters from Newham) say they'll take say 10 families.You are asking people to uproot completely from their local society and families to move to somewhere where they know no-one,don't have a job to go to and still live on benefits.Wouldn't that lead to marginalisation of these people?What then tends to follow on next?

    You are quite right about landlords taking the piss though Adam.They've all shoved rent up because The Olympics are coming.

    ReplyDelete
  50. That's fair enough Adam but that's not the policy. I don't give a monkeys about these fat lazy twats in pyjamas who could sort themselves out I know they exist.but shipping kids out of their schools en masse is a really disgusting thing to do. 30 miles.. 300 miles makes no difference to them

    and bit by bit we become a more divided nation. It's what the tories do. They won't be happy until all the money is in one big heap in surrey with one rich old etonian named dave sitting on top of it, masturbating

    ReplyDelete
  51. Adam

    I tend to go along with your eloquent explanation of this story. there have been times when I have struggled under differing circumstances,but despite not even getting a council house at one stage(albeit a long time ago, and living with in-laws), by chasing what I wanted, and working abroad for the last 17 years, where I know there are loads of jobs for engineers and the like.Perhaps I have made my luck(if that is what you could call it)

    ReplyDelete
  52. if Dave's jerkin' off on the money mountain I'll be using travelers cheques next visit!

    ReplyDelete
  53. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Anyway who brought this one up. What's happening in the real world of football.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Trott I should of said he's jerking off WITH a travellers cheque

    ReplyDelete
  56. Blog
    I agree with part of what you say, but then I couludnt wait to get away from R'ham(its still where I was born and home to the Millers, (well will be next season), OK college or uni positions, then jobs could be found then, a bit further away than 6 miles to Sheffield.
    I Know its difficult now for the young finding jobs, experience of 3daughters needing support,incl landlords taking the piss for a hovel, before they found careers they wanted

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anyway its time to go out to an Irish bar in the centre of Hamburg, and meet up with some Spanish and German colleagues and celebrate Chelski getting to the final

    ReplyDelete
  58. haha, big game tonight and Phil McNulty is there to cover it for us. There's also a game between Barca and Chelsea I hear?

    COME ON YE WHITES!

    ReplyDelete
  59. So unlike terry to stab a fellow in the back, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  60. Red card to opposition team just when home team is in control is almost "Nou Campish"

    ReplyDelete
  61. Just watched the replay... stupid of Terry to get red card for that. What was he thinking???

    ReplyDelete
  62. and if you cant, you'd be thick as john terry.

    ReplyDelete
  63. No absolutely not supporting Terry here.

    Thats an insult to his other team mates who now have to give that much more extra in the game... and then he expects to be worshipped as a captain as well. What a shame!

    ReplyDelete
  64. thought he was being clever last game giving puyols sprained wrist a squeeze. give him a little kick no one will notice he thinks. twat.

    its a replay of thermopylae now for chelsea. eternal glory if they can pull it off.

    like the spartans, they'll have no one left if they make the final

    ReplyDelete
  65. "all theyv got to do is defend the penalty area" punditry of the crappest order on radio5

    ReplyDelete
  66. 1-1 bolton penalty. take note messi

    terry says it was an accident. bollox - ive just watched it and he walked up behind him and kicked him in the arse

    ReplyDelete
  67. torres on for The Drog. wish someone would invent a radio but with moving pictures.

    ReplyDelete
  68. torres!!!!!!!!!!!

    you could not make it upp!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  69. I fucking loved every minute of this game. well done Chelsea.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Chelsea make it to Munich but none of their defensive players will be eligible...

    ReplyDelete
  71. easy blog,

    can imagine you falling for it after terry left...

    ReplyDelete
  72. So, Fernando Torres,

    thats a striker that a 50million quid buys you.

    ReplyDelete
  73. best Tuesday afternoon since 1976 when Janet Large wagged school with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she was (perhaps still is) very well proportioned.

      Delete
  74. He's only human tho blog.

    think he'll get over it someday.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Congratulations to Chelsea! They did what they had to for the entire game. Defended well and scored when it mattered.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Barca played a one dimensional game... Chelsea were very comfortable for the last 15-20 mins and handled the attacks very well.

    ReplyDelete
  77. What an awesome night of football and a great result. Chelsea winning and Terry getting sent off. I bet loads of people found it alot easier to support Chelsea after the red card. And it means we don't have to watch that "allegedly" racist serial shagger in the final and the only trophy that a convicted or alleged racist will be holding aloft this year will be the FA Cup. Couldn't have asked for a more perfect ending.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's be honest... "'allegedly' racist serial shagger" could describe most professional footballers. Throw in homophobic, while you're at it. Not that it excuses Terry's behavior, but still.

      Delete
  78. Ok Congrats Chelski, but gonna play with half the team missing in the final

    What a cunt is Terry as always, and where was Bosingwa for the first goal?

    and bigger congrats to trotters team, hang in there

    ReplyDelete
  79. Just watching the match replay on Sky.de
    What a cunt Terry is

    ReplyDelete
  80. Did Neville ejaculate all over the commentary booth when Torres scored? I timed it, it lasted a good 6 seconds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just incase youse missed it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ8xf6dnYKI

      Delete
  81. Pleased for Chelsea.

    Might give them a ring and see if they need a centre half for the final.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Congratulations Chelski (through gritted teeth). Had a game plan and stuck to it. It does make it more palatable that "JT" won't be anywhere near the pitch for the final. Go for it Jacks.

    Does it mean Di Matteo should get the job? Not necessarily. He hasn't had to tackle the hard part of being Chelski manager yet (putting "Mourinho's Team" out to grass). Villas Boats tried and lost. If i were them, I'd keep Di Matteo, and bring in someone liek Hiddink as "director of football" or similar, to do that job.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  83. On the Chelski job, I don't think Di Matteo has a chance no matter what happens. After 2012 there will probably be a few managerial casualties who would fit the "superstar" bill. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes for the Germany manager Lowe as a few years ago he dropped all the older players and brought younger ones through - exactly what Chelski need.

    Can't believe I was cheering Chelski on, this brings me back to my student days waking up beside a beast. Minus the suicide-evoking hangover of course.

    ReplyDelete
  84. pleased Barca are out - hopefully Real will get to the final and win it and the Special One gets to rub Abramovich's nose in it.

    As for the social mobility discussion if people are going to be uprooted then something needs to be done to attract industries to the area. Relocation can be hard I did it 3 times as a kid and twice since I've bene married and it is difficult.

    Maybe the answer is buidling some new towns like we did in the 60s attracting industries with tax incentives and exclude landlords, property speculators and stinking rich people from buying more than 10% of the houses in them.

    If you then take a reasonable cross-section of people you end up with another Basildon or Milton Keynes that are areas where people have done quite well. You could build it near Chelmsford or Colchester and at least it would still be in the same part of the country

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is happening already Adam, colchester in % terms was the quickest growing town in Europe last year and will be again when they build the projected 10,000 new houses up just up the road from me at marks tey and other BIG housing projects . As the tories have taken us back into recession that plan is on hold.

      this doesn't explain why no one watches colchester United tho. Thats because of their horrible new stadium.

      Delete
  85. If you move Londoners up North, they won't be able to get picalilly to stick on their pies. And if you move Northerners down South, they won't be able to get gravy to go on their pies.

    It'll be a pietastrophe.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Anyone on the dole should move to Northern Ireland or Scotland. Your benefits are the same but the cost of living is much less. Or you could teach privately and somehow manage to forget about declaring it for 10 years. Its easy done.

    ReplyDelete
  87. picalilly? what nutter still eat that?

    ReplyDelete
  88. there's a word that sums up disasters in new town planning and relocation of the masses..... Skelmersdale!

    Picalilli, available only in top stores over here (and in my fridge).

    COME ON YE WHITES

    ReplyDelete
  89. what's wrong with Skelmersdale?

    ReplyDelete
  90. Well done Chelsea.

    As for the Un**ed/ Citeh question, I'm with Noel, I don't really care as long as it isn't Un**ed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How's it going both. We thought you probably been killed in the piequake and ensuing picallinami

      Delete
  91. just cos Arsenal are going to finish 4th or 5th behind Newcastle and/or Spurs there's no need to be like that

    ReplyDelete
  92. Adam - these are old tricks from BBC days. Noone's taking that bite here now.

    Come up with something new :)

    ReplyDelete
  93. Awesome chelski performance..i hate how the word is liberally misused nowadays, but that was really epic.

    Can Mourinho do another double??? If he does, surely he must already be in the list of all time greats.

    ReplyDelete
  94. There is of course the little matter of overcoming Bayern tonight, but if he does that, he should be favorite against the chelsea B team that comes out.

    Dammit, couldnt Roman have kicked out AVB after the FA Cup final.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Chelski need real to win. Cant see them beating bayern at home in the final. That's asking too much without terry to act like a cunt and inspire his team mates to enraged heights of defensive resilience

    ReplyDelete
  96. Real will thrash Chelsea if they beat Bayern and don't get any suspensions. Mourinho will be ranked as one of the best if not the best if he wins it considering he will have won the league in 4 countries and the Champions League in 3

    ReplyDelete
  97. you lot don't seem to accept that I've seen the future and Torres scores the winner against Real Madrid in the final just ahead of BlueHellsBells return to the blog, only this time it's with a topless photo on her profile picture and a tattoo of Roberto Dimateo on her left nipple. Remember where you heard it first.

    ReplyDelete
  98. hmmm, my future vision seems to be filing!

    ReplyDelete
  99. Has Sergio Ramos been taking shooting lessons from Tony Adams? Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  100. Fucking mental!

    What an amazing couple of games these last two have been.

    Now here's hoping Bayern deliver Chelsea a new one.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Jose's prediction comes true.. no chelsea v Real madrid finals.

    Bayern were magnificient. They deserve to be in the finals.

    ReplyDelete
  102. To those commentators who were comparing Ronaldo and Messi after first 15 mins... who is the better player now?

    Take that :P

    ReplyDelete
  103. La Liga 0 -2 PL+Bundesliga :)

    ReplyDelete
  104. Sergio Ramos jokes trending on twitter!

    ReplyDelete
  105. All is well Blog. Fate seems to have dealt us a good hand... at all times we left

    The O's, who missed the play off's by a point last season are struggling to stay up this season. Such is life.

    ReplyDelete
  106. No idea what happened to that last post.

    All is well Blog. Fate seems to have dealt us a good hand... we were always a couple of hours ahead of the piequakes and the picallinami hit Boracay just two days after we left.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Glad to hear you're doing well Bo. You'd do well to stay clear of the picallinami. Drowning in a luminous, sticky stench is not the way I'd chose to go.

    Mario Gomez seems to be one of those footballing oddities. An absolutely shit footballer who scores goals for fun. Like Fillipo Inzaghi and Jon Dahl Tommasson. Terrible touch, most goals are headers or scuffs, but he sure knows where the net is. Kind of player Spurs need.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Deserved win for Bayern last night.Never a penalty early on.

    Never in doubt in the penalty shoot out either.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Hey Cesc (just in case you are reading!) How's that WINNING TITLES working out for you?

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  110. If Chelsea do win the CL it will have a bit of a knock on effect to the Premier League qualification.

    If they win,the team finishing 3rd has to go into the qualifiers and the team finishing 4th goes into the Europa League.

    Be gutted for Newcastle if they finish 4th and Chelsea win it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So Robbie will be praying for a Chelsea win then

      Delete
  111. If Chelsea can beat Bayern in Munich, they should ve given the PL as well. Would also nicely solve the "how not to give either of the Mancs the title" conundrum.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Not true Jacks.

    If Chelsea (*shudders at the thought) win the CL they and the top 3 in the PL will go straight into the group stages.

    4th place would indeed go into the Europy Thingy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. H,

      today's Times says 3rd would go into the qualifiers with top 2 and Chelsea straight in.

      Delete
  113. What a bizarre moment.

    I've just had Sergio Ramos knock on my door asking for his ball back.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Big middle finger greeting to Uefa who's hanus plan to turn the CL final into an all La Liga affair or El Cashicow (doff of the cap to Blogidy) blew up in their wretched cum stained faces.

    Fuck Barca, tippy tappy upping, dodgy homing DNA having cuntaloanians and screw Real(y in debt) Madrid, cry baby Ronaldo and the King of Smug Maureen. What were they thinking? Taking on ze Germans in a penalty shoot out and believe they could win?????????

    No way Jose.

    Finally and most importantly, fuck Chelsea. The epitomy of everything that is wrong with football today. From their highly dubious owner with his ill gotten gains to their anti christ captain and most of the highly paid mercanarys who refused to play for their former manager to the point that it cost him his job. (Got nothing against RdM)

    I'll be firmly in Bayern's corner come the final.

    Any neutrals having any doubts about whom they may support, I ask you to consider this;

    John Terry, Champions League Winner.

    Let it rattle around in your head for a bit, then see how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. H, Terry is suspended for the final so I don't think he can be a Champs League Winner or Loser this season.

      I'd be chuffed for Cahill if they win and he's fit to play. I'd also be very happy for Di Mateo (and West Brom fans everywhere).

      Delete
  115. Jacks, this was from Tuesday;

    http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/champions-league-2012/13-permutations

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We'll have to see what they come up with H.

      Knowing UEFA it'll be a balls up whatever they do.

      Delete
  116. Indeed Jacks, to be honest before that was on the official Arsenal site, I thought the scenario that you mentioned was the correct one.

    Uefa making a balls up of something simple?

    Perish the thought.

    (sorry, I still can't do the reply thingy)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think UEFA expect the CL winners to fall out of the league qualifying positions.Plus trying to protect the cartel of top clubs,so I suspect they'll make it up as they go along.

      Delete
  117. The pictures showing where Sergio Ramos penalty landed.

    http://i.imgur.com/WKX8r.gif

    ReplyDelete
  118. Trott, even though he will be suspended he will still be eligable for a winners medal if Chelsea are victorious.

    So..............

    ReplyDelete
  119. no fkn way, that's just wrong. Well, I still hope they win but also that it pisses down on their open top bus parade.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Any neutrals having any doubts about whom they may support, I ask you to consider this;

    John Terry, Champions League Winner.

    ---------------

    A horrible thought - I am caught in 2 minds - an english winner would do our co-efficient loads of good but I hate Chelsea and as UEFA will let JT come on the pitch and lift a trophy that 11 others will have won without him is too heinous to consider.

    Mourinho should have realised that Germans never lose on penalties - remember in 2006 when the only England player to score in the Portugal shoot-out was German based Owen Hargreaves

    ReplyDelete
  121. I'm gonna go for Chelsea to piss off my work colleagues.
    Remember, here in d-land evryone hates BM outside of Munchen, a bit like ManU,but in the final, they will all be pulling for BM.

    The dangers are obviously FR & AR, but imo Drogba is better than Gomez, midfield will be a battle against the Pigclimber, Kroos and, Muller,and both defences will be severely weakened apart from Lahm & Cole

    ReplyDelete
  122. Pleased for Bayern, esp as the missers of pens were the two biggest knob-ends currently working in Spain. Eccelente.

    ReplyDelete
  123. And the keeper Neuer, would be interesting to see how the Bayern ultras who even gave him death threats for his Schalke past would treat him if he continues like that.

    The first 2 penalties he held cost well over 150 million quid.

    Cojones of German Steel.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Neuers one of the best goalie I've ever seen and I know that SAF wanted him instead of flakey de gea and although I don't know that I KNOW it

    ReplyDelete
  125. He was on quite a few managers wish lists blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  126. I like your Donald Rumsfeld impression there Blogidy.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Robbo, they missed three..........

    Knob and two balls perhaps.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Liverpool striker Dirk Kuyt, 31 wants to return to Dutch side Feyenoord. Kuyt has a clause in his contract that allows him to join a foreign club for £1m.

    Full story: Daily Mirror
    ===

    Feyenoord is not a foreign club for Kuyt!?

    ReplyDelete
  129. Jacks what you mean is an unknown unknown to me

    ReplyDelete
  130. i reckon he's got an eye on the assistant manager's job at the wagon wheel a couple of years down the road.

    ReplyDelete
  131. the dm still think the wogs begin in calais, H

    ReplyDelete
  132. as for chelsea I want them to win for England but then I hope their opentop bus crashes into the leper colony off of Ben Hur and they all contract a disease commensurate with their moral status

    ReplyDelete
  133. BREAKING NEWS
    Barcelona manager Pep Guardiola will tell his players the news on Friday morning and announce his intention to leave at a press conference later in the day.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Will RdM stay on as his assistant, I wonder ?

    ReplyDelete
  134. The following series of events absolutely, positively, will occur through the remainder of the season and into the next.

    1) Chelski win the CL and FA Cup.
    2) Di Matteo is fired for not winning the PL.
    3) Guardiola takes charge at Chelski.
    4) Pep cleans house. Out go Drogba, Terry, Lampard, etc. In come Neymar, Hazard, and some young defender we have never heard of but is the next big thing.
    5) In mid-October, Tevez expresses his interest in joining Chelski, believing it to be located somewhere other than England. In reaction to these comments, Balotelli tears his groin while karate-kicking Tevez's neck. Both men have to be put down. Mancini quits.
    6) 'Arry takes over at City despite being asked to stay on for playing such stylish football thanks to newfound English winger Bareth Gale in their three 0-0 draws. (At least team GB scored a goal in each of their three consecutive Olympic losses!)
    7) Chelski win the CL, PL, FA Cup, and League Cup quadruple.
    8) Pep is fired for not winning the Football League Trophy, Europa League, FA Trophy, and World Cup that year as well.

    ReplyDelete
  135. OMG!! What have Chelsea done here!! One defeat and it has made the manager of world's greatest team to think of resignation. To me it feels like he's a manager who cannot handle failures. If he's buckling under pressure in a 2 team La Liga... How wil he cope up in Premier League, I doubt?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm money, money money, money money money!!!

      Delete
  136. Nice post Stephen

    Meanwhile, morecambe win the greatest prize of all http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-17851990

    ReplyDelete
  137. The Dalai Lama is to visit League Two side Aldershot's EBB Stadium in June. The spiritual leader of Tibet will visit two other venues during his eight-day tour of Britain - the Royal Albert Hall in London and the Manchester Arena.
    ----------------------
    RBA mate, where are you? Seems the spiritual leader is visiting the town to solve Aldershot's Woes.

    ReplyDelete
  138. no SS, he had two defeats and a draw, catastrophic results in spite of his teams domination of possession. All he needs is a top quality finisher and to this end, Pep, David Ngog could be available at the right price. Although, once Messi has left for Port Vale, it's all over for Barca anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Morecambe, wind farms and champion pies. Paradise.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Just the boost that Man Utd needed;

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/17867240

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The 21-year-old Italian striker has not played since being sent off against Arsenal earlier this month. At the time Mancini said the controversial striker would not play for City again this season.
      ========================================================================
      He's definitely in then.

      Delete
  141. Stoke v Ar***al tomorrow.

    Be nice if the team my daughters follow can do Mrs Jack's team a favour.

    ReplyDelete
  142. Don't you mean St**e v Arsenal Jacks? :)

    ReplyDelete
  143. Bye Bye Pep.

    A decent chap, working for a bunch of toe rags, that managed to build one of the greatest ever footballing sides.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree H.

      Wouldn't be surprised to see AVB take over from him.

      Delete
    2. They will prefer ex-Barca player or someone with Basque region connections I’d think so. There are many who are available… may be Marcos Biesla or Laurent Blanc after Euros.

      Delete
  144. SS, I think Pep made up his mind before the chelski game and was just waiting before announcing. Had they won, he would've waited till after the finals to make the announcement.

    Rafa for Barca??? Ngog would definitely be in with a shot then Trotts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AH, it is all about the timing. So my perception is based upon that. Anyways his contract was up and he was only negotiating 1 year extension.

      Delete
  145. Do they do brown envelopes at Barca?

    ReplyDelete
  146. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  147. I think they're more of a tomatoey colour envelope in Espana.

    ReplyDelete
  148. I'm sure Fat Sam isn't bothered by the aesthetics of the envelope,as long as it's shoved full of Euros.

    ReplyDelete
  149. The 41-year-old, who was appointed in 2008 and has led the Catalan club to 13 trophies, will be succeeded by current assistant Tito Vilanova.
    ----------------
    * Cunts to be managed by Tits. *

    ReplyDelete
  150. what price would convince the Gooners to let RVP leave? 1 year left, 15million quid? 20 million? 30?

    ReplyDelete
  151. Why Trott?

    You thinking of putting in a bid?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think if Port Vale are really getting Messi that they might want RVP to help him out, they'll need a penalty taker. Besides that I enjoyed the Gooner fans getting their knickers in a twist over Fabregas the last two years and something similar will give us a bit of fun over the Summer. Now that RVP has said he's not talking about nowt until after the Euros, the speculation will be rife so what price would be enough? It's only business!

      Delete
    2. vale can offer a price of 3 bent washers and a mouldy cucumber, trotts

      H - chin up lad you'll win something one day. not in our lifetime perhaps but thats the price of financial probity.

      Delete
  152. They should abolsh the pre match handshake. It adds nothing to the entertainment except when it goes wrong. It doesn't promote sportsmanship when 5 mind later they knee each other in the back. It's forced on the players headmaster sty,etc by the fa. Although a knee injury has now called time on my own glittering (HA!) career I never once shook someone's hand before. Afterwards that's different, yiu can mill around informally and avoid the twats. Before the match is just silly and fake.

    The latest idiocy...get this for moronism from Planet Blazer....this is mark Hughes on the ferdinand, terry problem this week/e...and let's not forget tery is up in court soon...

    “They were looking for solutions, with the Premier League throwing things out there and saying at one point an alternative would be to form a guard of honour and clap Chelsea on to the pitch,” said Hughes on Friday. “I was thinking: ‘absolutely no chance of that’.”

    ReplyDelete
  153. Don't know why Barca would want a Basque manager, SS. What with them not being a Basque club and all that.

    David Moyes would be my shout. Dani Alves dropped for Tony Hibbert. Xavi out, Phil Neville in. 'I don't care how many Balon D'Or's you've won Lionel, Jelavic won the Golden Boot in Scotland - so you're out'.

    They'd be world beaters. Again.

    ReplyDelete
  154. barca strength is the club culture which gives it a deep continuity. man u has a similar strength but its embodied in SAF so trouble for them when he retires because thats an average team on paper, rooney apart.

    ReplyDelete
  155. the economy s going down like the titanic. and lets remember only 25% of steerage survived (there are stories of bulkhead doors being closed to lock them in to a watery death)against 60% of first class because of people like Sir Cosmo Duff-Gordon who sailed off in a half empty lifeboat and paid the sailors £5 each not to go back to save anyone..

    Come the Glorious Day....

    ReplyDelete
  156. mickey adams preparing to challenge for the title next year. i love that guy.

    BREAKING NEWS : when asked about signings (we have 4 players with contracts!!! thats FOOUR) unfortunately he has specifically ruled out making a move for "ronaldo and messi". i dont believe him, myself.

    not that anyone else gives a shit but
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/17868021#asset

    ReplyDelete
  157. today, for one day only, i am an arsenal fan

    come on ye GOONERS!

    ReplyDelete
  158. stephen hendry about to do a muamba - back from the dead

    ReplyDelete