Sunday, 26 August 2012

Perked-up By The Premier League.

I'm not quite over my post-Olympic Blues but the Premier League has opened up with a something not far off a bang.

Hilariously, Manchester City seem to need to add a player or two to a squad the size and cost of the entire Russian Navy and they've only played a couple of games. They're rapidly becoming a footballing version of a shopaholic's wardrobe. There's simply no limit to the number of floral tops we need.

It's not dissimilar to that time when Britain's Laziest Millionaire Winston Bogarde sat around the corridors of Stamford Bridge doing fuck-all. I'd've strapped a dust-cloth to his arse and he could've cleaned a few seats while he was there.

Citeh will be miffed that Van Persie's still in red, and his appearance for United without rooney raised a few eyebrows. If it's a straight choice between the two then on current form RvP is just the better player (in the same way that Usain Bolt is a just a better runner than Oliver Hardy). Rooney may well be a little concerned, especially now he's had that nasty old gash - ahem.

Me I think Wazza is suffering from Reverse Samson Syndrome - he's never been the same since Delilah the Trichologist stuck all them follicles in his nut.

To some people Chelsea have made the most impressive start, but all that means, really, is that they've played three games to everyone else's two. Di Matteo - who could easily be cast as an intelligent humanoid alien life form in a passable Sci-fi TV series - has every right to be chuffed, mind.

Hazard looks as good as his namesake Micky, Mata looks more and more the identikit Spaniard - short, neat and nimble as a tap-dancing whippet - and Torres has almost made more highlights packages than there are highlights in his preposterously girly barnet. On MOTD, Lawro, dressed like scrunched-up bacofoil, made the valid point that Chelsea seem to be set up to accommodate Nando and if he gets knacked they might not have a Plan B. Plan A looks topnotch, though but.

Arsene Wenger has never had a Plan B, unless it's to moan about the fact that the opposition weren't nice about his Plan A. The early signs aren't good. Once again they are playing toothless footy - I've seen more bite in a box of tissues.

Brendan Rodgers's Liverpool awoke from a nightmarish start and looked good at Anfield. Rodgers hasn't sacrificed his principles and it was brilliant to see the lad Sterling getting a start ahead of habitual kick-teases like Downing.

Swansea have starte brilliantly but then they were aided by some bloody awful work by Jaskelainen and Collins. Big Sam crumpled into his dug-out like a slowly deflating bullfrog, as he does when his lump-it-up-to-the-big-man-philosophy yields nowt. Whoever said 'Football is the Beautiful Game' had not met Sam Allardyce.

Everton, who tend get out of the blocks around March, have started the season with fists swinging. It's weird, like watching a tortoise with an outboard motor attached, but it's refreshing too. Pienaar's looking a world-beater again and if they can keep a hold of Baines and Jagielka, who knows?

Aston Villa look the most troubled thus far. Paul Lambert has always carried the air of the depressive bachelor uncle that no one really wants to talk to at a family do, and at present he may have a few more footy funerals to attend throughout the year. Unlike Southampton, say, or Reading, you can't see where a revival might come. Good though Everton were, Villa were as clueless as a very badly written detective novel. I fear for their future.

But there's been plenty of talent plus the usual fast pace and relentless passion and God help us I'm pleased that it's back so soon.

It certainly has been a better week for the Armstrongs of this world. Neil finally passed on to the next life and if it's heaven, then he really ought to have found it before he passed on. As for Lance... well there's a chest-thumping, truth-bending bullshitter and a half.

It was easy for the uninformed (and yes that includes me) to dismiss the constant barrage of insinuations in his direction as being some sort of envy-fuelled witch-hunt. It was eay to have automatic sympathy for a bloke who lost a bollock to cancer and yet appear to have more balls that at least 50% of mankind put together. There was also the fact that the bloke was clearly a bit of a knob-end - but then a lot of single-minded people are.

Now, the double-speaking toe-rag has pulled out of a court-case that would have inevitably relayed to the world at large a litany of misdemeanours. And he, despite his relentless denials - if indeed 'Prove It!' is a form of denial - has slipped away before the public humiliation can begin.

You might say that in an era of super-doped cyclists, Lance was the best junkie pedalling out there. But that doesn't much excuse it. Credit is due to the Tour de France for instantly stripping him of his titles, even if that means that they have to give the first finisher who hadn't failed a drug test, which conjures up the image of a beardy old Breton called Bernarrrrd with onions on his bike suddenly being slid into a yellow jersey.

Still cycling has set the benchmark for drug-testing in modern sport, and, if we don't want to watch chemically altered freaks fighting it out (and there's summat to be said for that) then the testing has to be rigorous in the extreme.

I sincerely believe that Wiggo, Cav, Trott, Pendleton, Hoy and all them two-wheeling Titans have never had to resort to shifty medical practices to win medals. Indeed the French'll have you believe they simply made the bikes out of magic dust instead. But now I'm backtracking into some sort of Olympian reverie.

Never mind. I'm going to get out my hankie, pretend I'm Arsene Wenger, and watch that Van Persie strike again.



184 comments:

  1. Never a first first surely?!

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  2. First time poster, first....I win!! Feels an awful lot like mo crossing the line. Apart from not as good! The names Gaz btw...and I'm a united boy. Long time reader first time poster. Been a bit shy. Shan't be now I got a first in me belt! I need a short name. Gaz in Crewe. GIC?

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  3. Well obviously the Brits would never ever resort to drug cheating. Obviously. Never. Never ever. Couldn't possibly happen. Squeaky clean.

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  4. Linford Christie!
    Bisq

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  5. Great post as always, Robbo, but I'm mot sold on Armstrong being a cheat. Or not being a cheat. Can't remember which I don't believe. Wait... I'm an American, and so is he. Ah yes, he is innocent! Innocent, I tells ya! And those stupid international courts have no authority over... wait... that was an American court? Oh... uhh... Well then. Never mind.

    And Robbo, are you going to leap to the defense of your hometown or let a German trash it? I'll stop the line there, but if you need some American defense, I'm sure we can lend a hand. (Sorry... couldn't help myself. Cue the derogatory comments and historical corrections...)

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  6. David Millar...Tommy Simpson...Dwain Chambers...Carl Myerscough...

    What I find really upsetting, and ironic, is when our guys take drugs but they're still crap.

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  7. Michelle Smith?

    At least we can be certain rooney doesn't use any performance enhancing substances not unless he misheard the names of the latest whizz chemicals as 'cheeseburger' and 'lager'

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    Replies
    1. Smith De Bruin

      Or some such. Dutch. Obviously.

      Delete
    2. Ah yes, the female swimmer. Whatever happened to the East Germans? Did they revert to being men?

      Anyone remember the Czech runner, Kratochvilova? She used to make me feel effeminate.

      Delete
    3. I actually think that Kratocvhilova's 800m time from the 80s is still the world record (cannot be bothered to google it). Nuff said.
      As a Czech I remember another delicate lady - the gargantuan shot putter Fibingerova with her Hulk-like physique, famous 'stache and the look of a pissed off bouncer...

      Delete
  8. Michelle Smith?

    At least we can be certain rooney doesn't use any performance enhancing substances not unless he misheard the names of the latest whizz chemicals as 'cheeseburger' and 'lager'

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  9. Who wrote this blog for you Robbo, doesn't seem your style to me.

    Arsenal are looking pretty toothless so far.. two games no goals. On the plus side we have kept two clean sheets; true that the opposition has been a bit shit too.

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  10. Can't we just introduce a parallel olympics, (not a paralympics as we already have that) but an Olympics where the athletes are allowed to snort/inject/dope with whatever they like? I for one would pay good money to see a bloke whacked off his face on whatever the scientists had come up with that week running the 400m faster than Usain Bolt runs the 100m or a high jumper clearing double decker buses. Let them go for it. We might need a bigger stadium for the throwing events with javelin throwers chucking it about a mile but that would all be part of the spectacle. Call it the "Pfizer Olympics sponsored by Balco" or something and let's see what scientists can really make man achieve.

    Colch

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    Replies
    1. That's a pure genius idea Colch, you are wasted (not in a drink/druggy) way in your job.

      Delete
    2. 100% agree Colch with zero irony. This should and MUST happen. Except, maybe ban drinking frog juice.

      Delete
  11. Joey Barton says...

    "Hopefully QPR and Marseille can finalise the deal in the next few days," he added. "My heart is already in the Velodrome."

    That's excellent news. If his heart is already in Marseille we just need to arrange for his lungs to be in Paris, his liver in Lyon, his kidneys in Montpellier and his head in Socheaux and the world will be a much better palce.

    Colch

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  12. G'day all.

    This whole Lance Armstrong thing is a complex issue. The very nature of the sport suggests that he cheated - I don't think anyone would win 7 Tour de France in a row without using some sort of steroids. Especially considering he'd be cycling against people who were doped up to the eyeballs. But I guess it depends on your opinion of Lance. I've never been a fan of his, and so I can very easily decide that he's guilty. But when Contador (who I am a fan of) was caught a few years back, I believed him to be just a victim of a mix up.

    They say that there was systematic doping in the US Postal Team, so are the riders to blame, or is it the team desperate for success to promote commercial endorsments? Will Johan Brunyel be facing any charges as the team manager at the time? Jacks' will know more about it than me, but he's sort of considered the tactical genius of the Tour I think. If you want to win the Tour, then you need him managing your team.

    I think if this had gone to court, then there would have been huge pressure to find him not guilty, because of the whole 'he beat cancer and still conquered the sport' mentality. Beating cancer, and then doping to conquer the sport doesn't have the same ethical values I guess. And the Livestrong Foundation is so huge now, there would have been pressure to find him not guilty as he's inspired so many people.

    I wonder if Floyd Landis will get any sort of apology? It was very easy for him to be dismissed because he was a proven cheater, but it now looks like he was right all along.

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  13. I wish Spurs would get their transfer business sorted out before the season starts. This is two years in a row that we've started the season with a Modric transfer saga hanging over us and signings waiting to happen depending on it's outcome.

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  14. I then go on the BBC Sport website and see that Spurs have finally sold Modric for 30m, subject to a medical. Get spending Levy!

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  15. "Jacks' will know more about it than me, but he's sort of considered the tactical genius of the Tour I think. If you want to win the Tour, then you need him managing your team"
    -----------------------------------

    Really Noel? I thought he was just a humble barber from Buxton but now you tell us he is considered to be the tactical genius of the Tour de France. Well I never. Just when you think you know someone they turn out to be something completely different. Jacks is a bit like Batman. Mild mannered barber by day. Tour de France tactical genius by night.

    Colch

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  16. It were a freakshow for a while, with athletes looking like bearded Marvel comics supervillains and that was just the women. Anyone remember the E. German shot putter Cokstichtonavitch? Drug cheating is on the way out because it don't promote the photogenic sexual allure beloved of corporate sponsors. McDOnald's I know are working on a drug that can help fat bastards run the 400m in under 50sec. They've got it down to under an hour already.

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  17. Will that make him Bartman (Buxtons Authority on Riding Tours).
    Robbo thanks for the read (again).
    Also I've joined the Jacks (Bartman) fantasy league I hope this is ok.
    I'm based in Germany, but a Macc lad in reality.
    I haven't a clue how to get a profile.so will post as anon.
    Del (rock solid)

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  18. Gaz ... next you'll be claiming Jedward are scousers

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  19. The thing I don't understand about the Lance Armstrong case is that he passed all the drug tests at the time. Fair enough he may have been using drugs that didn't show up but surely isn't that the name of the game? To stay one drug ahead? Also seeing all the riders around him were drugged up, who do you award the 7 titles to? It all sounds like a big hairy load of sweaty balls to me.

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    Replies
    1. Exactement. I smelt a rat when ALL the teams were sponsored by Glaxo, and Lance had an ear grafted on to his back. Actually that was a mouse. WTF. That was in the days when my beagle used to smoke.

      Delete
  20. The giant ear Lance had grafted on his back was so he could hear the rumours and sue. It's all very machievellian.

    According to Race for Madmen by Chris sidwell, Armstrong gave a piss sample in the 1999 tdf, which only later, in 2005, tested positive for EPO, which most of them were using in the 90s.

    The UCI seem to have tried to cover this result up, and its the American FDA which pursued Armstrong.

    In short, EPO, UCI, FDA, WTF.

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  21. Woooooooohooooooooo! 26th......Keegan C

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  22. Ok you can't use EPO which increases red blood cell synthesis allowing your blood to absorb more oxygen. But where do you draw the line? Are you allowed to live on a high mountain a month before a race and produce more red blood cells that way? Can you bag some of this blood, freeze it and use it later on down the line?

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  23. Not only are the cyclists on drugs now they are off to live on a mountain that is also high, no doubt listening to that EPO classic Mr Blue Sky

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  24. Drug addled st osyth pikey spots lion in field. Course he did.

    Unless Col U have introduced revolutionary new motivational training methods....

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  25. Put Tory mps in charge of cycling training.

    No need for altitude with those rubber asphyxiation masks + slice of orange for vitamins + whip and a lion for motivation

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  26. The invidious thing about doping and drug cheats is that it plants a seed of doubt in your mind about ALL the competitors. I'm sure there are clean athletes out there, but they end up tarred with the same brush, which does them a dis-service. I really don't want my memories of Mercxx, Indurain, Stephen Roche and Greg Lemond tarnished.

    The Tour de France is an absolute man-killer, but if there is no way to complete it without cheating, what is the point?

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    Replies
    1. The point is to cheat so well that you don't get caught before your blood samples expire.

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    2. Indeed. We only get to know about the ones that are caught, not those that are cute enough to get away with it.

      Delete
  27. Also seeing that the drug testing isn't standardised across all sports its all a bit rubbish. You can take all the steroids you'll ever want as an American Football player and be known as a hero and great role model. But if you're a cyclist and you take a hormone that increases the amount of red blood cells in your blood you're a complete cheating piece-of-shit scumbag who single handedly caused AIDS. Fuck me pink.

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  28. This the FFL update on Szczesny;s injury. "Unknown - 75% chance of playing."

    If the injury is unknown I'd like to know how they figured out he has a 75% chance of playing.

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    Replies
    1. That's like in the NHL when you read that someone is out with an "upper body injury" after broke his collarbone and six ribs. Of course, for an ice hockey player, that's a day-to-day injury.

      Delete
  29. File this under "funny until it actually happens":

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19391807

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    Replies
    1. Its happened already, I seen it on 999! The wee boy survived though.

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  30. Well thats 2 games in, 2 1pt losses in Jacks lge,and I now have 4 chelski players in squad, ermm, does that mean I have to get rid of one?

    As for the one balled cyclist, I tend to agree with Rod,question was EPO legal then or not, or was it only added to the banned list years later, I defer to input from the BARTMAN

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    Replies
    1. EPO has never been legal.What there wasn't available,until early 2000s was a way to test for it.

      Delete
  31. My unbeaten record and top 11,000 overall placement are about to fall to... Average. Transferred out Torres (for Tevez, but will probably switch back after this week, also gave up on Dempsey for Cazorla) but kept Mata and Hazard due to lack of transfers, and had to hold Pogrebnyak, who wasn't worth selling. Leaves me with an incredibly weak 5-3-2. I'm going to need Geoff Cameron and Ryan Bennett to step off my bench and score hat tricks supported by shutouts or down the table I shall tumble.

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  32. Great stuff Robbo.

    Stuffed again in ffsl. This must be how Owen Coyle felt for the better part of last season. In fact, if it carries on I might get relegated to McNuggetts blog. Is there another division even lower that that?

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  33. Tone 1947 as I read the rules of ffl (having had 4 united players when RVP rode into town)you will have to use your transfer on getting shot of one of your Chelsea players.
    Del

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  34. Glad to see BR getting rid of all the crap we have. spearing off on loan to trotterland (sorry trotts, first ngog now this), and adam (to stoke or fulham) and apparently joe cole and downing also up for anyone who can stump up a couple quid (not hopeful though, hopefully lambert will want to take SD back to villa). The only one of the lot who I would like to see stay back is AC.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spearing will flourish in the Championship. Great player. What a coup!

      Delete
  35. Barton's loan to Marseille appears to have collapsed. Quelle surprise. I presume this was after they met him.

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  36. A H as sterling declared himself for a country or should Hodgson nip in quick and cap him.

    He is useful
    del

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  37. SA 70-0 after 14 overs

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  38. 89-1 19.2 overs

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  39. Amla is looking to become the greatest batsman ever,

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  40. And rapidly succeeding it has to be said
    Bisq

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  41. So the Taliban have a Dickhead Platoon ... their mission, to undermine western democracy by being dickheads behind enemy lines, their motto "Beheaded at home, Dickheaded abroad", their leader, Prince of Shadows ...Duke of Dark corners (if only) ...the Twitter Twat...King Dickhead himself....laydeez an genalmen....in the shit filled corner, pecking at his own reflection....preeezenting....a legend in his own embittered imagination.....Joey the Budgie!!

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    Replies
    1. Joey isn't bright enough to be Taliban.

      Delete
    2. Joey, Joey, King of the streets child of clay
      Joey, Joey, What made them want to come and blow you away?

      Delete
  42. With all due respect to the good people of Crawley Town, WTF!!!!

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  43. You should head over to the BBC Sport webpage Trott. The headline is 'Premier League sides Stoke, Bolton and Fulham knocked out of the League Cup by lower league opposition.'

    Quality reporting again from the Beeb.

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    Replies
    1. You should worry. At least you've not been stuffed 4-2 at home by the mighty Burton Albion, like Leicester. *dies*

      I understand that League teams are under instructions not to play weakened sides - but what if your 1st XI is crap in the first place?

      Stu

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    2. Thanks Noel, that's comforting.

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  44. Well, I dont like how this football season is going.

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    Replies
    1. Me neither. Same old, same old. Sex scandals, racism, greed, and that's only John Terry. Allegedly.

      Time was I could name the personnel of every team in the top division. Now, I can't even pronounce most of them. Plus you lose track of which manager is where. I discovered this morning that I'm manager of Chesterfield myself.

      I'm climbing out of the transfer window and escaping.

      Stu

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  45. I don't understand how Theo (or his agent) thinks he has a leg to stand on in trying to get a better contract then the one that he'll have been offered. It's not as if he's a star player, or a consistent performer. I doubt Arsenal would make much of a profit on him if they decided to sell him on.

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    Replies
    1. 2 days to sort it out, or he's off, apparently, having been offered £70k a week for 5 years. Arsenal paid £12m for him.

      Stu

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    2. Noel

      Theo's stance here looks as misdirected as most of his runs.


      Jedi.

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    3. And you wonder why you can't keep any good English talent around. Why bother?

      Delete
    4. I'm not sure I understand that. Can you clarify?

      Stu

      Delete
  46. Strauss jacks in cricket completely. Nice one, Pietersen. What's Afrikaans for twat?

    Stu

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    Replies
    1. Pietersen, I think, Stu


      Jedi

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    2. what's the english for why can't you score some runs please Captain.

      Strauss has been shocking for the last few months and on form alone it is time for him to be replaced

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    3. The German for that is WhykannstdunichtscoresomerunsbitteherrKapitan.

      Delete
    4. Is the Sugarese for it "you're fired"?

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    5. Fair point, but there's a bit of a difference between being dropped or replaced, and feeling so pissed off that you effectively retire. He's obviously reached the point where he's decided that he doesn't need the hassle any more.

      Pietersen is just a selfish shit stirring idiot, who makes Boycott look like an amateur. He scores runs, but at what cost to team spirit?

      Stu

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    6. Reading the last two threads, are Theo Wallpaper and KPnuts being advised by the same people? It would certainly explain their misguided sense of their own importance, certainly in Theo's case - at least KP can walk the walk when he's not spending his time tweeting in Afrikaans

      Spider

      Delete
  47. Strauss Stats over 20 innings

    out for a duck on 2 occasions
    scored less than 10 (1 and 6) on 2 occasions
    scored less than 20 (11, 17 and 19) on 3 occasions
    scored less than 30 (20, 22, 26 x2 , 27 x2) on 6 occasions
    scored less than 50 (32, 37 and 45) on 3 occasions
    scored over 50 (56 and 61) on 2 occasions)
    scored over 100 (122 and 141) on 2 occasions

    This form would be ok for a lower order batsman but not your opening batsman especially when captain. Take away the 2 centuries against the West Indies and his test average for 2012 would be 24.05 which is not a good ration at all aand even with the centuries it is only 34.75 which is still poor for a player of his calibre.

    Better he goes now than struggles on getting worse and worse

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  48. Adam, re : your Anne Robinson asperity .... Strauss is a quality player and a decent bloke by all accounts who is good for the team, like Brearley who wouldnt have gotten into a school team in his batting, he's worth his place for leadership alone. The shit he's had to put up with means he deserves to be cut some slack on his poor batting form. Inevitably Pieterson, the gormless sap, will get the blame for this not least from the bowlers who all seem to think he's a cunt, making the Great Rift Valley the South Africans (ours and theirs) have opened up even harder to resolve.

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  49. Blog I fully agree the guy is a quality player who has had to deal with some less that ideal situations recently but his recent innings have been poor so is probably the right move for the wrong reasons

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  50. This team of SA are possibly the best ever
    What England don't need is a spy in the ranks pointing out all their faults.
    Pietersen is a good batsman but a bad team mate ,hope that he's not selected again
    Del

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  51. How on earth did Belgium not even qualify for the Euros with Vermaelen, Kompany, Vertonghen,Hazard,Dembele,Fellaini, Mirallas and Lukaku in the side ?

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  52. Very good question, AH.

    I guess they were too busy trying to lure children into sex dungeons with fruit beer and fancy chocolate.

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    Replies
    1. Fruit beer - that's also the secret to Fellaini's hair.

      Delete
  53. If, as seems likely, Walcott intends to screw his club out of 12 million smackers by leaving on a self enriching bosman next year, he must really hate Arsenal

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    Replies
    1. Don't beleive everything you read on the beeb. He will probably be a Citeh player less than 48 hrs from now (which will be the best bit of biz the gooners have done all summer).

      Delete
    2. or AH, he could be a useful pinch runner for your baseball team.

      Delete
  54. if he can catch as well as Thierry Henry, he might get picked up by the Jets, he's certainly got the speed.

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  55. Huddersfield striker Jordan Rhodes will undergo a medical at Blackburn Rovers on Thursday after the clubs agreed a deal worth up to £8m.
    ------------------------------------------
    Noel - stop complaining about the Adebayor for 5mil now, will ya.

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    Replies
    1. Why on earth has he gone there? A penchant for chicken?

      Stu

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    2. I had no problem with the fee AH, just the player that came with it.

      Delete
  56. Awesome freekick from Messi to get 10 man barca back on equal terms at the Bernabeu.

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  57. Messi? That lad could one day make the grade at the Reebok if he keeps working hard.

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  58. Very insightful post from McNutter, what half of it culled from Twitter. If I want to read fans' views, I'll read the comments section. I can't believe he gets paid to compile, er, write this stuff.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/philmcnulty/2012/08/who_needs_what_on_transfer_dea.html

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    Replies
    1. Looks strikingly familiar to an article that appeared on Sky Sports two days ago, which was entitled 'Who needs what before the transfer window closes.'

      Delete
  59. Laura Robson, you beauty! Shame she's really Australian.

    'Laughing Boy' Murray on later.

    Stu

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  60. I have just finished watching a three part documentary titled "The Power Principle." I highly recommend it (except to Adam). It is freely downloadable from the net. I dl'd from pirate bay but you can get it elsewhere; here for example http://www.filestube.com/t/the+power+principle .

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  61. Loic Remy then. Not sure he'll be prolific in the Premier League, but he seems the player best priced for Levy. Now get Lloris signed while you're over in France.

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  62. Morning.

    Been away on jollies.

    Johan Bruyneel is directeur sportif currently for Radioshack.Manger of the squad,in charge of team tactics etc.He's also under investigation by the USADSA.

    In terms of Lance Armstrong never failing a drugs test,well he failed one in the TDF in 99,he was allowed to continue competing thanks to a post dated doctor's note,plus there is a possible failure in the 2002 Tour de Suisse.

    Marion Jones never failed a drugs test,yet it was only through USADA that we found out she was a serial doper.That period of cycling,most of them were on it.Stripping of his titles won't do much for the record books,as the top 5 in each of his wins,33 out of 35 riders are dopers.

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  63. Hope for Liverpool I think....BR looks like he knows what he's doing unlike a certain kop legend whose transfer dealings seem ruinously clueless.

    Charlie Adam to stoke...he's only 26 I thought he was about 42

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    Replies
    1. Is that 26 stone?

      Not so much King Kenny as 'king Kenny. ;-)

      Stu

      Delete
    2. If BR can offload Adam,Spearing,Joe Cole and Downing without buying anyone he'd still have done better business than last year.

      Just worried though if Adam and Spearing go, along wiht kuyt, maxi, aquilani unless he plans on doing some pretty nifty business in the next day and a half, we're on a pretty thin squad hoping no one has an RVP-esque season (in terms of injury that is). Seeing as Lucas has already started in such stellar fashion, I might find myself called in to join the squad.

      Delete
    3. I think BR should be getting the best out of what he has. Charlie Adam and Joe Cole are both good creative midfielders with good passing and set-piece abilities and although Downing doesn't sound like he'd be much of a loss on the basis of assists it's not his fault the buck-toothed racist can't find the back of the net with his crosses. I worry LFC will be too much like Swansea this year - no plan B and 11th

      Delete
  64. Hope you had a good break jacks, I'm off for a cup of EPO.

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  65. Modric has only been at Real for three days and he's won a trophy already.

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  66. QPR tweet: "We have reached agreement with Real Madrid for the permanent transfer of midfielder Esteban Granero. The deal is subject to Granero agreeing personal terms and passing a medical."
    --------------------------
    bloody hell, are they going for the record for the most number of signings in a single window.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They've signed an entire first team so no-one from last season |(or even last saturday) will get a look in.

      Delete
    2. Pity they've still got Hughes as manager...

      Stu

      Delete
  67. Yossi Benayoun is vying with Berbatov for the Winston Bogarde Award for thumb twiddling and services to personal banking.

    Stu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yann Vanilla to Arsenal? Possibly also Raspberry Ripple.

      Stu

      Delete
  68. Not seeing the Remy to Spurs news anywhere Noel. Would be a good move though. He was on the radar of every top club few seasons ago before settling down at Marseille. Had some heart issues as well last year unless I'm confusing him with someone else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was all over Sky Sports AH, but now it appears to have fallen through. I have to stop posting this kind of news before it happens as every time I do, the move falls through. He is the same guy who had the heart problems. But then Demba Ba had them too and he's going alright.

      Delete
  69. Berbatov's off to Fulham apparently.

    Richard Wright (who we released,just to give you an idea of the quality) has signed for Manchester City.

    Do you think Brian Marwood is taking the piss out of Roberto Mancini?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Berbatov - £30m well spent by Man U, and he's coming up 32.

      Delete
    2. £4m for Berbatov?? Fiorentina are not happy and feel that they have been shat on. Oh dear.

      Delete
  70. No Rangers players in the Scotland squad, and only 2 from Celtic. The times they are a'changin'.

    Stu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't think there were any from Berwick Rangers to start with.

      Delete
    2. Glasgow Rangers.

      Delete
    3. what about Queens Park Rangers?

      Delete
  71. Real Madris, Man City, Ajax and Dortmund

    Looks like the YouRopey league for City again this year

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What about Real Madrid?

      Delete
  72. 1740:
    CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DRAW
    Here's your completed line-up for the Champions League group stages:

    Group A: Porto, Dynamo Kiev, Paris St Germain, Dinamo Zagreb.

    Group B: Arsenal, Schalke, Olympiakos, Montpellier.

    Group C: AC Milan, Zenit St Petersburg, Anderlecht, Malaga.

    Group D: Real Madrid, Manchester City, Ajax, Borussia Dortmund.

    Group E: Chelsea, Shakhtar Donetsk, Juventus, FC Nordsjaelland.

    Group F: Bayern Munich, Valencia, Lille, BATE Borisov.

    Group G: Barcelona, Benfica, Spartak Moscow, Celtic.

    Group H: Manchester United, Braga, Galatasaray, CFR Cluj.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man U - always a joy to go to Turkey and Rumania.

      Generally air-miles-tastic.

      Stu

      Delete
    2. Nordsjaelland? Who they? Denmark apparently.

      BATE Borisov? Belarus. That sounds nice in Winter.

      Delete
  73. Against Hearts, over 2 legs, we could aggregate a 2-1 win including an own goal by Hearts. And we go and loan out our only genuine striker.

    I actually think the Carroll loan was a good move, but doesnt stop me from being a smartass.

    Anyhoo, the Man City-Liverpool europa league tie should be a good one.

    Bring on Transfer Deadline Day now. I hope no one expects me to do any work at the office tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liverpool will lose to Spurs first, after having to fly to Eastern Siberia in the previous round and the entire squad suffers from extreme frostbite. Before Spurs lose to a Citeh 4th-string reserve team.

      Delete
  74. Breaking Transfer News:

    Man City sign Barcelona, Real Madrid.

    Man Utd capture all PL officials, but Chelsea pip them to the offside flags.

    Swansea sign everyone who has ever played for or with Laudrup.

    QPR buy Real Madrid C starting XI.

    Dempsey to Liverpool. Says he never refused to play for Fulham but will be quite happy to compete in Europe, despite having never heard of illustrious opponents Neftçi PFK and Videoton. (Claims he might have heard of round-of-16 opponent, one "Manchester City", but is unsure.)

    Arsenal sign Fancypants LeFoot, a heretofore unknown French wonderkid.

    Carlos Bocanegra leaves Rangers for anywhere. Please.

    Arsenal sell Fancypants LeFoot to Man Utd, not bothering to wait the full year as tradition dictates.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Let's face it sooner or later everything turns to fucking shit

    ReplyDelete
  76. Speaking of things that are fucking shit - Bendtner is having a medical at Juventus right now. Although if I was in charge at Juve, I wouldn't sign him on the basis of the fucking terrible turtle-neck sweater he's wearing.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I love transfer deadline day. It's so much better now that Harry has gone so I know we're not going to be signing the likes of Ryan Nelson and Louis Saha. Signing no-one would be an improvement on them.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Sad to see you go Rafa, but part of the squad evolution I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Kieron Dyer, Johnathan Woodgate, Owen Hargreaves to Arsenal to join Wilshere...

    Stu

    ReplyDelete
  80. That sounds like the England paralympic football team, stu, don't forget Michael Owen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They might be able to cobble one decent player from the 5 of them.

      Delete
  81. Best pieces of business already done - spearing and adam confirmed out. I actually think Adam will do well at Stoke.

    Downing seems to have found his place at left back (no sarcasm there, he really did well yday) and the ultimate proof that BR is a magician - Hendo had a decent game as well. That takes care of all of the shit signings from last year. Now if we could go to signings a further year back and clear out joe Cole it would be just dandy.

    Apparently Sturridge could be coming in. Personally dont rate him too highly, but BR seems to know what he is doing so will go with it if it happens.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Clint Eastwood to Liverpool. Go on, punk, make my day.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Afternoon all

    Pleased with our signings so far, especially the BOGOF deal we got with Hazard brothers. (Though, have to say in all honesty, I have never heard of Azpilicueto)

    Sturridge played well when he was at Bolton AH, maybe the Northern air might him better!

    Well we have the Super(Duper) Uefa Cup tonight, am excited about that one BUT if down the line I even remotely start waffling on about the World Club Cup, load of bollocks in my eyes, I will write out (or at least copy & paste) 100 times
    I rate Christiano Ronaldo integtrity on pitch,
    JT integrity off pitch and I think Mourinho is a bit of a minger

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dunno. As someone from outside Europe, I think the Club World Cup is the closest we can get to seeing if European teams are really better than those from the rest of the world. Okay, how much better. But still.

      A World Champions League would be quite an event--the winner of every top division in the entire world... maybe once every four years after the four years of winners have a playoff? We have a World Cup. You don't want it to be a World Series like baseball. Sure, there isn't time for it and players pick up injuries, but if done right somehow, it could be quite interesting. Wouldn't you love to face the Antiguan champions home and home? Despite the travel, it can't be any worse than Azerbaijan. Or Scotland.

      Delete
    2. well if I get an all expenses paid trip to watch Antigua Utd or Hawaii Eleven in Club World Cup at their home grounds then possibly my attitude might change!
      Anyway I hope you enjoy match tonight if it is being shown over there and after Torres going on about Atletico being his 'first love' I hope we thrash them
      Have a good weekend everyone

      Delete
    3. Nothing is being shown here anymore. ESPN has one or two PL matches (and apparently a random Europa League match), plus some Eredivisie matches available online through my internet provider. I don't have pay television anymore, but even if I did (have Fox Sports) I would have lost Serie A, Bundesliga, and Ligue 1 to a channel only found in a handful of upper-tier sports packages. Haven't seen Champions League (except the final) for a couple years, sadly.

      Better for my work habits now that my options are so limited, but disappointing nonetheless. If only I could get nothing but the sports channels.....

      Delete
    4. Chelsea are being murdered by Atletico. 3 - 0 so far.

      Delete
  84. Liverpool have been drawn in Group A of the Europa League where they will face Udinese, Young Boys and FC Anzhi Makhachkala.
    -------------------------------------
    So much for my meeting City jokes. I'd rather be playing Celtic, BATE Borisov and FC Nordskaejalland.

    But we'll probably be okay. According to the deadline day rumors, we're getting Damiao, Huntelaar,Sturridge and Dempsey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting, from Wiki

      On January 18, 2011, Anzhi Makhachkala was purchased by billionaire Suleyman Kerimov, and since then the club popularity is rising rapidly due to the signing of Samuel Eto'o in the summer of 2011 and appointing Guus Hiddink as manager in February 2012.

      Chris Samba (ex Blackburn) was also there.

      A very nice trip to the Republic of Dagestan, in Russia, in prospect.

      Stu

      Delete
  85. 1:019pm
    News coming in that Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy has made a last ditch £20m bid for Porto midfielder Joao Moutinho. Full story to follow shortly...
    -----------------

    What the devil is 1:019pm ?????

    ReplyDelete
  86. It's Levy-time, AH. The transfer deadline equivalent of Fergie-time.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Rochdale have completed the signing of Bobby Grant from Brookside, sorry, Scunthorpe. Who put the c**t in Scunthorpe?

    Lionel Messi has arrived for his medical at Port Vale.

    Michael Owen to William Hill.

    Meanwhile, Portsmouth reckon this is just like a normal day for them.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Marseilles is the drug capital of Europe. Coincidence?

    ReplyDelete
  89. Another fine win for my favourite Aussie, Laura Robson. Next up is Sam Stosur - oh well, at least Laura is better looking.

    Stu

    ReplyDelete
  90. Totally random meeting today that Robbo and FBH will appreciate. On a train from Alexandria to Cairo I met a Libyan guy who was a Boro supporter. I fucking hate these big clubs with fans all over the world.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  91. What an end to the transfer window for the Americans.

    Dempsey to Tottenham means I have to debate continuing to grudgingly support them even though Friedel is about to lose his streak thanks to Lloris, which would have been my out.

    Good that Edu found a home, but with he and Charlie Adam joining Stoke, Cameron won't have a chance to regularly feature in the midfield and never really looked like breaking into the defense. (My Chelsea-less 5-3-2 is stretched even further...)

    Bit surprised that Chelsea didn't buy Falcao after that thrashing. Already planning their next buys in defense (and manager), I'd bet.

    Right, you can go back to talking about things you care about, now.

    ReplyDelete
  92. I hear that Liverpool first offer was "£4million + Jordan Henderson".

    Fulham turned it down flat, so they had to up the offer to "£4 million"

    ReplyDelete
  93. So Spurs .... yes I'm happy we've got a second excellent GK to take over from Friedel, happy we've bolstered our defence and no longer need to worry about King now he's done the decent thing and retired (Don't get me wrong, he was brilliant, but his injury's diminishing his ability and chopping and changing defence every week like we have isn't helpful).

    We've solved the Modric saga and got good money from VDV (who was great but could never do a full 90 minutes) and gotten some midfield steel and some proven goalscorers in the likes of Dembele, Dempsey and the other bloke.

    Buy why oh why (and someone try and explain to me), when the past couple of years we've struggled to get a proven and reliable goal scorer in to make the most of an excellent midfield, are we now down to TWO strikers?

    Dos Santos has gone, Kane's now out on loan so we're left with Defoe and Adebayour. well, i hope the midfield find their shooting boots qick.

    ReplyDelete
  94. And on top of that, anon, Adebayor will be playing African Cup of Nations this season if Togo have qualified. He didn't last year because of the bus shooting and all that, but declared later on that he is now available for national team selection. So it will be just Jermain in January, if he's not injured. AVB seems to be playing a 4-5-1 anyway, so will expect a lot of goals to come from the midfield.

    I'm very, very happy with Lloris signing. If you look at the transfer window as a whole, then we lost or sold King, Nelson, Saha, Modric, VDV and dos Santos, plus players out on loan, but brought in Lloris, Vertonghen, Sigurdsson, Demebele and Dempsey and at a profit. I think that counts as upgrading the squad. Sad to see Rafa go, but his wife is ill, and you can't expect him to stay away from her.

    Signing of the window has to be Berbatov to Fulham I reckon. Wonder how much he is in FFL?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can put Dempsey up front while Adebayor is away. Not ideal, but it works. You'll probably have to once Defoe gets injured.

      Delete
  95. Well what can I say about last night? What a jammy so & so that Falcao was, popping up at just the right time in the right place, no less than 3 times. Good of our defence to go so easy on Atletico
    Anyway as I was saying yesterday Urga super-pooper cup = mickey mouse trophy, brung on club world cup ...

    ReplyDelete
  96. I knew as soon as I read this that Moutinho wouldn't be arriving:


    Mark Lawrenson, BBC Sport
    On today's deadline-day deals: "Joao Moutinho to Tottenham will be done - that won't fall through".

    Twat.

    ReplyDelete
  97. G'day Bells. Did JT go up and lift the trophy with the Athletico team anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  98. I certainly can't see any reason why he shouldn't have done Noel

    ReplyDelete
  99. Stop it Noel and Anon, complaining about having only 2 strikers. We at Liverpool are having to play an entire season with NO striker (we do have an international, but he's on loan to wet spam).

    Also surprised that chelsea haven't brought in a striker seeing as they only have nando who's ankles will give way any day now (and sturridge of course, but he isnt an out and out striker).

    When was the last deadline day where no one joined Chelsea, Arsenal, United or Liverpool ??

    ReplyDelete
  100. Seem to be playing the same opponent in both H2Hs almost every week. Some strange bloke called TrotterUSA today. Bring it on Trotts.

    ReplyDelete
  101. I'm guessing Brenden saw the Spanish national side and decided that "Let's not play a striker" formation works well for him AH.

    I suppose we'd better brace ourselves for something similar at WHL given neither Defoe or Ade are all that bulletproof in the injury department.

    ReplyDelete
  102. You bastard, Barton. It'll end in tears though, mark my words.

    Stu

    ReplyDelete
  103. Carroll starts, Berbatov on the bench. (WHU vs FFC)

    ReplyDelete
  104. Bolton Old Boys 3 up, this is now officially my other team!

    I'm for ever blowin bubbles

    ReplyDelete
  105. haha, I suppose the old ones are the best but as this is my first day as a West ham supporter, I'm not sure if it's an old one or not!

    Scouse insults tomorrow, hopefully!

    ReplyDelete
  106. I slept with a granny to test that theory and it isn't true, trotts.

    That was round about the time I bought many mickles to see if it made a muckle, but it was hard to tell

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you just picked the wrong Granny. You should ask Wazza.

      Delete
  107. Yup, decent striker. We needed one. yet again we go one up, can't kill the game off because the strikers can't hit a cow's arse with a banjo and then the oppo come back and level at the death.

    Same shit, different year Spurs ....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon, just because you can't hit a cow's arse with a banjo doesn't mean you can't score goals, but I suppose that's a skill they just don't teach often enough nowadays.

      Delete
  108. no worries, Clint Eastwood will be there next match. With Defoe and Idbangawhore, you'll have the Good, The Bad and The Ugly up front.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To think that Liverpool could've had him for a few dollars more.

      Delete
  109. especially with Rafa still being unforgiven

    ReplyDelete
  110. they're playin' Misty for you, AH

    ReplyDelete
  111. If we cant get someone soon to provide sudden impact, we are fucked.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. are you saying that you might just miss out on the magnificent top 7

      Delete
  112. Y'know, for a fistful of dollars (and a few dollars more), you can sign Dirty Harry, aka "The Enforcer" and have a true million dollar baby in the line of fire for you.

    ReplyDelete
  113. That's it. After seeing nothing but downward pointing red arrows on my FFL page for a second successive week, the wildcard has been played!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Already beat you to it Noel. Played the wildcard last week and the result - thumping 65-40 wins over trotts in both leagues and top 10 position in all 4 leagues. All downhill from here then.

      Delete
  114. Brenda Rodgered looks to me like a man in too much of a hurry. It's almost as though he missed the other overconfident young man of conviction, avb, making a similar right royal fuck up at chelsea last year.

    Brenda might be right in theory but reality is a different fish kettle. The Clueless American in charge has lurched from hyper kop tradition in Kenny to the opposite. And now they're left with their worst start in 50 years and no striker. Michael Owen would only embarrass himself.

    Not that I care. I enjoy watching the once-Mighty fall. Can't wait to see what happens when SAF retires.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete