Monday, 20 August 2012

Robbo's Predictive Text


The new  football season has rather snuck up on me this year – although not as suddenly as it has on Mark Hughes and Chris Hughton. I’ve seen Jodie Marsh have more cover at the back. Still it was remiss of me not to give you a sound unbiased foretelling of the season to come, so here it is.

ARSENAL
If Wenger makes you club captain, it means you’ve got one season left. Gooners might say that Arsenal can be good without Van Persie, but then some people will tell you that they buy Nuts magazine for the articles. At least Arsene’s not been arsin’ about with regard to purchases: Cazorla is very good, Podolski’s erratic but talented and as for Giroud – well, he could be Chamakh Mark Two. 5th.

ASTON VILLA
Their decline has been as inexorable as the slow fattening of a Tory politician’s cheeks. Lambert worked wonders at Norwich but it’s hard not to see Villa’s downward velocity as terminal. No new boys of note means that a lot of young, eager, average players will be toiling away in the hope that Darren Bent can make summat out of nowt. But that only happens to one in 14 million lottery entrants. 18th.

CHELSEA
The European champions. Abramovich scattered his roubles across the earth and finally a mean-spirited and charmless eleven, spearheaded by a centre-forward whose greatness was directly proportional to time spent in the upright position, won the Champs League. Hell we were even a little bit chuffed for ‘em. Drogba’s gone now, Oscar and Hazard are in. (Josh McEachran will be sent away again to some orphanage for Lost English Talent.) I’m guessing they’ll be prettier, and leakier, but they’ll hold on for 3rd.

EVERTON
No Rodwell or Cahill, and once again the squad looks no deeper than a pool of cuckoo spit. If Everton could start a season a little quicker than a pensioner emptying a purse, then maybe they could challenge for 5th or 6th. But it’ll be 8th.

FULHAM
Petric looks a cracking player and Jol has bagged Rodallega who, like a beautiful virgin, looks good but isn’t worth bothering with. Still can’t see Fulham struggling too much if they can keep hold of Dembele. 10th.

LIVERPOOL
Well who the fuck knows? Rodgers knows only one way, and I’m not sure adding Joe Allen will make them all play the Rodgers way. I think Carroll’s treatment has been a bit shonky. The lad’s not got too bad a touch, he could benefit from playing in a good passing team, and the fact that he has the neck muscles of super-vitamined giraffe might mean simple headers from inside the six-yard box aren’t left to the goofy Uruguayan racist to nod into the crowd. 7th.

MANCHESTER CITY
Mancini says they’re not favourites. Listen, you won last season when half your frontline were either playing golf or sticking fireworks up their nostrils. You’re MASSIVE favourites. Winning by less than 9 points would be a SHIT season. You’ve got more money than the continent of Europe, and half its strikers in your squad. Shut your tiresome face, Roberto. Please. 1st, damn you.

MANCHESTER UNITED
Fergie must still be hurting from that Aguero dagger a couple of months ago. You’ve got to hope so any road. Van Persie is seen as a real statement of intent. Vidic is back. Fergie’ll be intent on pulling Scholesy and Giggsy out of the post office queues for one more year. But the noisy neighbours have become sitting tenants. I can’t see it. 2nd.

NEWCASTLE UNITED
There’s no reason why they can’t do just as well this season. They’ve kept hold, so far, of Cisse, Ba, Cabaye, and Ben Arfa. Job done. Same as last season, only slightly better. I might be jinxing ‘em but, if Pardew can get his hands on a domineering centre-half then… 4th.

NORWICH CITY
No one can argue with the appointment of Chris Hughton, eh? One 5-0 drubbing later and the reaction of Canary fans was more knee-jerk than a Kevin Pietersen tweet. I think Hughton is the right man, but I also think they’ll struggle. 17th.

QPR
There’s summat about a blustery blingy chairman that makes me wish his club ill and as Tony Fernandes oversaw a massacre at Loftus Road, I couldn’t resist a snigger. The off-season purchases somewhat reek of ‘get in who the hell we can’. Only Hoillet is real coup. Sparky should be able to cobble together summat half-decent from the ragtag squad. 14th.

READING
McDermott’s a very sound manager and, unlike some desperate wheeler-dealers, he hasn’t gone mental in the marketplace. But not even a double-dose of Viagra will keep Reading up by the end of the season. 20th.

SOUTHAMPTON
Difficult start for the Saints at the Etihad – Football’s Who’s Who versus Football’s Who..? Expectations are lower than a banker’s morals but they looked good. Lambert will score goals.They will survive.  16th.

STOKE CITY
A mate gave me tickets for a Stoke game last season and I couldn’t give ‘em away. Pulis won’t be distracted by ‘the European adventure’ this season – otherwise known as The Rough Guide to the Arse-Ends of Europe. They are solid, reliable, the cottage pie of football teams. 9th.

 SUNDERLAND
Steve Bruce’s Black Cats were pretty predictable: decent start, bit of flair, horrible run beginning just before Christmas and ending just in time to avoid the drop. O’Neill’s not likely to let that happen. Dull to watch. Hard to beat. 11th.

SWANSEA CITY
Dunno much about Laudrup’s coaching skills but by God he was a wonderful footballer and his team have made a helluva start and it looks like the Great Dane can spot a player. Can’t see all Rodgers groundwork being undone by as smart a bloke as the new gaffer so… 13th.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
Much like Liverpool, your guess is as good as mine. AVB at WHL? With RVDV? WTF? Replacing Arry with the Portuguese is like replacing Arthur Daley with Socrates. Sometimes Villas-Boas comes across as too bookish for his own good. Arry knew that players need an arm around the shoulder or a kick up the backside, but not a pamphlet on zonal marking. I think it’ll be tricky. 6th.  

WEST BROM
Steve Clarke landed in the Hawthorns when the music stopped and it’s hard to know what he’ll be like. Saying he’s been a permanent number two make shim sound shit, but he’s been well-respected, even at Chelsea where respect is as scarce as Saudi cider. 15th

WEST HAM
It’s a delight to see Big Sam back in the Big Time. So much has changed. The new nippy frontline, the interchanging midfield, the strolling libero at the back. Rumours that the Allardyce training session begins with a picture of some grass captioned with the slogan ‘Keep Away From This – It Is The Enemy!’ are untrue. ‘Course, I may not like it, but it works. 12th.

WIGAN
Martinez’s reign has been like King Canute’s, but the tide has to come in eventually. There’s only so long Wile E Coyote can stare at the empty space beneath him before gravity takes over. And without Moses, how can there be a miracle again this year? 19th.

131 comments:

  1. 1st.........Keegan C

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  2. 2nd....Keegan C

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  3. 3rd.....Keegan C

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  4. Anyhow, now to read the blog...... Keegan C

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  5. CHELSEA TO WIN THE LOT THIS YEAR!!!!!
    BELIEVE IT U CUNTS!!!!

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    Replies
    1. except possibly the Community Shield eh?

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  6. aM i My oWN Wosrt eNEMY???.......kEEGAN c

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  7. fOOOK oFF! WANKER

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  8. Roses are red/Violets are blue/I'm schizophrenic/And so am I.

    Feel loathed to interrupt Keggie Keegle and his conversation with himself.

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    Replies
    1. you're never alone with schizoprenia Jacks

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  9. Mostly I'm left wondering is if King Canute would drink Saudi cider, and if cuckoo spit might be a viable alternative to Viagra.

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  10. Good luck with the predictions Robbo! Mine were very similar but with Villa and Swansea swapped round. Having seen the first weekends action however.... well I'm inclined to agree with you; Swans looking good, Villains looking bad.

    Incidentally, here's a link to my short blog on a rainy trip to Middlesbrough and the Riverside. Well, we saw more of The Bridge Inn then we did the Riverside - but oh well.

    http://thedizzypenguin.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/midd-v-saints/

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  11. Everything i agree with robbo except i think fulham will end above everton and "that one game of season you are bored to death while watching your team" stoke and maybe even above liverpool think jol has done good business and has got team playing a good style .and maybe martinez may pull out a surprise again at the expense of norwich or southampton.

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  12. "Josh McEachran will be sent away again to some orphanage for Lost English Talent."

    So that's Middlesbrough then?

    Ha!

    TDP.

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    Replies
    1. You Tit!
      Best thing is I'll forever remain anonymous.

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    2. Indeed it is. He'll never play for Chelsea again as there will always be a bigger name available to sign like Oscar, Hazard, Ramirez etc - he's probably got is eye on Frank Lampard's position (subs bench) but may struggle to get there - he needs to leave Chelsea to get anywhere

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  13. Great stuff Robbo, regardless of the predictions and the eventual outcomes, the language is glorious.

    I'll have to go back and read blogs of long ago when we were mentioned as a top half finisher, just as soon as these tears have dried. Oh the pain of it all.

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  14. Keegan C, you're a twat.

    My predos:-

    Dundee Utd to win SPL.

    Chelsea to win EPL.

    Arse fans to feel aggrieved that someone has the temerity to criticize their sell policy.

    Arse Wenger Boy is the death of Arse, Highbury, Tony Adams, Michael Thomas, Ian Wright, Ingrid Bergkamp.

    Long live Robbo. Down with Fill Mick Null Tay.

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  15. Man U's singing signing: Buy Me a RVPer

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  16. The gunners will be fighting for third spot again this year. I don't think we have finished in the transfer market yet, at least I hope not. A replacement for Song, another striker and maybe a central defender and third place is in the bag.

    Trott, you'll enjoy this season more than last, at least the trotters should win more than they lose.

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  17. BBC BREAKING NEWS: Van Persie hands in transfer request. 'I want to win things.'    

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    Replies
    1. RVP to choose between Swansea, West Brom, Fulham

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    2. Yawn... Didn't take long for the ABUs to show up again!

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  18. Bo - 3rd? You're dreaming son, you'll be lucky to beat the toon...take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof, or in other words, dont bet against petro-mammon..

    1 Man City
    2 Chelski
    3 man u
    4 Toon
    5 Arsenal
    6 Spurs

    Stoke, everton, Liverpool comfortable mediocrity and the rest a bunch of baldies fighting over a comb

    Port Vale to be the first team to be promoted and liquidated in the same season.

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  19. I love the start to Everton's season, but I look at the squad and think, "He's right. God help us, Robbo...is...right..." Both for the depth issue, and the fact that Kenwright probably thinks that if we can beat United, we can sell a few more players and still come in the top 8. Screech-er, Marouane, we hardly knew ye...

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  20. Blog, I thought I had a grip of what you were talk7ng about until you threw in petromammon. The only reference to it on google is in relation to a computer game.

    As far as Arsenal finishing third, it is a dream mate but to finish lower would be a nightmare, so I'll stick with the dream.

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    Replies
    1. Petrogammon is predictive for whelk. Never bet against a whelk, especially when they're cornered.

      Although I may have just made that up.

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    2. You're right about the petromammon link to whelks Noel but petrogammon is something completely different. Petrogammon is created by using the waste products from the oil industry to create a synthetic pork based steak, usually served with chips and a pineapple ring.

      Colch

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    3. Yeah, don't know why I changed the m to a g. Not even close on the keyboard so can't use fat fingers as an excuse. Although I now have a craving for pork steak, chips and a pineapple slice, which will gain me a few pounds.

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  21. Fine blog Robbo, and can't argue too much with your predictions. Think Newcastle will struggle for 4th though.

    Taggart was as gracious as ever in defeat lastnight - 'Everton just lumped it up to the big man'. How rude of Everton to try to play to Utd's weakness. There's enough ex-Utd-playing and Fergie-arse-licking managers that bend over for him already in the league. No need for Moyes to join them.

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  22. Been a bit quiet here the last few days. Where is everyone? And whatever happened to RBA with his house shaped pie or his pie shaped house?
    And more importantly is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit? Or a whelk disguised as a cake or a biscuit?

    Colch

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    Replies
    1. yes and what about the Shawcross tackle too?

      And still no random pictures of Mourinho, it is indeed a sad state of affairs

      Delete
  23. There's a new welsh band made up of molluscs who's new song is Whelk keep a welcome in the hillside

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    Replies
    1. And there's also a Liverpudlian tribute band that do a mean rendition of You'll Never Whelk Alone.

      Colch

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  24. Lou Reeds 'Take a Whelk on the wild side'

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  25. Just been over to BBC website and what do I find a particularly yummy photo of a certain Real Madrid manager , I have now drooled so much I may need a new keyboard

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  26. Guns and Roses "Whelkome to the Jungle"

    Colch

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  27. Or for the sadly missing in action RBA.......

    Survivor "Pie of the Tiger"

    Colch

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  28. Sorry to interrupt the whelk-fest with some football but here goes...
    How often can journalists resort to the same worn idea that Manchester United and SAF, after a disappointment, will be "angry" and "more committed than ever to win back what is rightfully theirs".

    This was said last season when they went out of the CL,that they would HAVE THEIR VENGEANCE in the UEFA; again when they went out of the other cups as well, when they lost the league last year, they were going to HAVE THEIR VENGEANCE.

    I understand that they may be angry, hurting, etc but I don't see any sign of it making them more hungry to get back to the top or HAVE THEIR VENGEANCE (sorry, it just doesn't look right in small case). I know it is only one game into the season but this is a tired journalistic cliche that goes back quite some time. Maybe in the past they were able to have their vengeance (see!) but I can't see it now. And, as an Arsenal fan I hope I don't have to eat my words at some later date!!!

    Rastafairy

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    Replies
    1. Good to see you setting out your (whelk) stall on this RF.


      Jedi

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  29. Afternoon RF. How dare you come on here and interrupt our whelk based punnery with a serious post about football. What do you think this is, a sports blog? Oh hang on a minute....

    Colch

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    Replies
    1. Please let it be noted RF that at least I did mention Real Madrid in one of my posts

      as for Colch and his nostalgia, I find that a thing of the past

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    2. I find nostalgia isn't as good as it used to be

      Rastafairy

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  30. Anyway back to more pressing matters - and I don't mean the ironing

    Don Mcleans classic line, Bye bye RBA'n'his Pie

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  31. No Bo, nothing short of an undefeated season (except for that first throw away trip to Fortress Burnley) will be acceptable. We have to whelk this way.

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    Replies
    1. that's a rather shellfish attitute Trotts

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  32. Right I am off to lunch so hopefully some 'normality' will be restored here

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    Replies
    1. Prawn butties?


      Jedi

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    2. How very dare you Jedi - are you suggesting that I am one of those supporters who only goes to matches if I can quaff champagne in some corporate hospitality box?!!!
      I will have you know, I have never, I repeat NEVER stepped foot inside one of those.


      Actually, if I am honest I have never stepped foot inside Stamford Bridge to watch an actual match ! I am an armchair supporter and proud of it.
      Oh and one more thing, the only time I have ever drunk bubbly during a match is during the Champions League final in May - (all other times I stick to wine).

      Delete
    3. I bet you whelk like an egyptian too, Bells.

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    4. I do indeed Trotts - it was somewhat overcast here earlier and I was Just Whelking In The Rain

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    5. and then the sun came out at the same time and I saw Some whelk over the rainbow

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    6. so now you're whelking on sunshine?

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  33. http://www.kentonline.co.uk/kentonline/news/2012/august/20/car_fire.aspx

    One for Blogs.

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    Replies
    1. Not so intelligent southerners(better not say that to Mrs T)

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  34. So Bells

    at the Bridge, you just Whelk on by

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    Replies
    1. only if she sees Mourinho whelking in the street.

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    2. yes - but if we win another title/trophy , I would be Whelking Back In Happiness

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  35. Danny Whelkbeck was unable to winkle an opening last night. Rooneys on a seafood diet again . He sees food and he eats it.

    Jacks - the guys obviously a fan of zoolander. Unbelievable.

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  36. RBA would approve ... I had a cheeseburger pie for dinner (that's lunch to you) ...cheesburger with pastry surround instead of a bap. Not bad but ill stick with steak and kidney.

    I'm laying low since that Irish gangster popped his ass in my cap

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  37. Daftest comment I saw, was Wazza tired from the Euros?

    Apart from the fact that was aeons ago, he did play crap, as did all except Shinji and De Gea

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  38. he only played two fuckin' games!

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  39. Spirit of 1876 tonight ... port vale v accrington stanley.

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    Replies
    1. Not forgetting Northam Town v Millers, joint leaders of Div 2

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  40. How can Wazza be "tired from the Euros"?

    He never turned up for them.


    Jedi

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  41. URGENT NEWSFLASH

    They have replaced Jose Mourinho with ......... a snail

    No not Real but I just went back to BBC website to have a last lingering look at The Yummy One, only to find they have changed the BBC homepage. Gutted.

    Anyway good luck to all those whose teams are playing tonight.

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  42. As Jacks pointed out, this fucking idiot noticed his car was on fire and pulled into a petrol station. Unbelievable, but what happened next was even more unbelievable.

    The carfire ignited the petrol reservoir and there was a massive explosion. Amidst the flames, fire crews could see a small girl was trapped in a Rolls Royce. Her millionaire father was shouting " a thousand pounds each to the crew that saves my little Abigail."

    Wholetime crews fought bravely but were beaten back by the heat.

    Then something amazing happened, a retained crew arrived and drove straight into the heart if the fire, jumped from the pump, and showing incredible bravery put the fire out and saved the little girl.

    Afterwards, a TV interviewer asked the driver of the pump what the crew would be doing with their money. He said, "well the first thing we're going to do is fix the fucking brakes on that fire engine"

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  43. Hei.

    Anyone ever noticed that puns r so fucking boring that there are no anti-puns.

    I hate puns.

    Pundits are another matter. Lawro, Shearo, Lineko, Hanso et al.

    Puns, pundits, Putin, puss (not feline, oozing bodily fluids), purgatory, purloin, (exception: Pub), puddle (ok, shit, puddle is a great word),

    Jehovah, I'm losing it.

    Ban p and u coz I'm semi-pissed and have nothing better to add to discussion.

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  44. Robbo.

    Write a novel, aka Fever Pitch, but with the emphasis on working class fan. Circa 80's, before middle class wankers lowered the debate with their shite.

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    Replies
    1. Good. The life has been bled out of football by these twats who want to post rational but so what points about football probably on Phil McNumptys blog as if anyone is going to read their dull witterings as if anyone cares what their uninformed opinion is about arsenals left back etc etc.Back in the 80s they'd just kick you in the fucking head and have done with it. Or a friendly jab with a Stanley knife. Or a riot if the debate got really heated. Or other such cheeky but harmless fun. Now the grounds are either completly empty or full of IT specialists. Nick Hornby has got a lot to answer for and I thought fever pitch was shit by the way and gave up on p8.

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  45. Hahahahaha.

    Just remembered that song about "Govindajaiajaia, go follow jaiajaia"

    Plus points for recognition.

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    Replies
    1. Kula Shaker.Crispin Mills being the grandson of John Mills.

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  46. What happened to the great piss-takes of the past? Why did PC seriousness denigrate the great oricular behemoths of wit from holding stage?

    Gubbers.

    Why is racism less funny than nationalism?

    Why is ism so frowned upon?

    Why is y?

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  47. Are we done with all the silly puns? Great. All's whelk that ends whelk, I guess.

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  48. Dawson and Bassong sold, Huddlestone going out on loan, and Adebayor back in. Whelk the fuck is going on at the Lane? Not a happy fan this morning. Adebayor is only going to cause trouble, and his goal return was not impressive. Should have broken the bank to get Llorente or Diamao in.

    Adebayor transfer fee of 5m, wages at Spurs 80k a week, wages subsidy from Citeh 95k a week. I think City may end up doing this with a lot of their players just to get them off the books. Leeds did the same all them years back when we bought Keane off them and they continued to pay most of his wages for a few years.

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    Replies
    1. If it was any other player I would say it was the transfer deal of the season Noel but that arsehole is so disruptive in the dressing room, I think Citeh got the better of it.

      Delete
    2. The two best transfer deals of the season are Freddie Sears and Clinton Morrison signing for my lot Bo. We might have a chance of a play off place this year although just like last season we seem to be better at drawing than Rolf Harris. "Can you guess what it is yet?" - yes I fucking can, it's another fucking 1 point. Having said that I would take a third draw of the season at home to Sheff Utd this weekend.

      Colch

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  49. Whatever happened to moustaches in football? In fact there don't seem to be as many moustaches in society in general. I miss the moustache. I think that the number of moustaches on view in society is in direct correlation to the state of the economy. During the boom times there were plenty of moustaches but now there are hardly any. I know for a fact that David Cameron reads this blog to get all his policy ideas so don't be surprised to see him stand up in the House of Commons and blame the recession on people not having moustaches.

    Colch

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  50. I think you might have something there Colch. I noticed last Movember we recovered from recession and the mass-tache cull in December saw double dip.

    Italy has struggled since the female population discovered tache removal cream. Only in Germany where the top lips of the female population remain stubbornly hirsute has there been any sign of prosperity in these hairless, impoverished times. The fashion in Greece for the clean shave is bringing them close to drachmaggeddon.

    In fact id go further and say our current problems are now endemic and stem from the degenerate modern addictions to hair removal cream, shaving, depilation, baldness, barbers and Veet, ever more seductive multi-blade razors, hair dressers, laser anti-follicle treatment (photo epilation now available on the NHS ffs), tweezers, lady gardening, vajazzles and merkins, hot wax treatment and worst of all the proliferation of proprietory products such as Vaniqa, whilst on the streets widespread substance abuse amongst teenagers of eflornithine hydrochloride which inhibits the enzyme ornithine decarboxylase, preventing new hair cells from producing putrescine for stabilizing the young addicts hair-generating DNA.

    Wayne Rooney is showing us the way to a New England, but we need a new mousiah to invent the moustache wig or summat

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  51. Whoa... all of a sudden, the post returns. Or did it?

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  52. Why were you trying to edit it Robbo?

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  53. Prediction Saturday for the important games this weekend..........

    Man Utd v Fulham 3-1
    Norwich v QPR 2-1
    Spurs v West Brom 2-0
    Chelsea v Newcastle 3-1
    Blackpool v Ipswich 2-0
    Boro v Crystal Palace 1-0
    Colchester v Sheff Utd 1-3 (but dear god I'd accept 0-0)
    Morecambe v Port Vale 1-2
    Dag & Red v Gillingham 1-1
    Stoke v Arsenal 1-2
    Liverpool v Man City 2-2

    Hope I haven't missed anyone's team out of the list but if I have then I predict your team will win 1-0.

    Colch

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  54. Can't disagree with a 2-0 loss away at Blackpool Colch.They look a decent side.

    Which reminds me,if you are going to Blackpool for the bank holiday weekend be careful with the traffic.

    There will be far more tractors on the road than normal.

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  55. Don't worry too much Jacks. If there is one thing that is certain in life it is that none of the above will actually happen.

    And I have just noticed that for some reason Chelsea haven't got a game in Week 3 of the FFL so with my team containing 3 Chlsea players it could be a low scoring week.

    Colch

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  56. They don't have a game because they play the Super Cup game against Athletico,which is why their game against Reading was brought forward.

    Transfer 1/2 out Colch and bench the other (it's what I'm doing)

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  57. So much to read, so little time.

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  58. I will have to sell Torres and bench Hazard and Cech and then just hope for the best. Had to use my transfer this week to get Aguero out and managed to somehow lose 200k as he's gone down in value after one game. No doubt when i try to buy him back he will have gone up to about 12 million and I won't be able to afford him.

    I forgot one game in my predictions. I predict that the Bolton v Notts Forest game last night will finish 2-2.

    Colch

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  59. I'm using my inverse fantasy football/real football special powers to improve Spurs' chances this week by transferring out Gylfi Sigurdsson. He's now guaranteed to score, which will hopefully lead to 3 points for Spurs. Fat Frank was brought in (before Colch told me that he won't be playing next week), so expect an own goal hat-trick, followed by a red card and a broken leg for him this week.

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  60. You forgot the O's Colch but doesn't everyone. Seeing as we are helping Scunthorpe prop up league one and we are at home to a team just out of the bottom four, I am only expecting to be beaten by two goals... I'd take your 1-0 prediction though.

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  61. Citeh are overrated. Without Kompany they look vunerable defensively. None of their players have real genuine pace and their attack is one-dimensional (and very often depended on individual moments of brilliance). Also contrary to what everyone thinks, they still do not have the winning mentality seeing United lost the title last year rather than Citeh winning it. I'm not fooled, I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of the season United are champions, Mancini is sacked, Tevez has moved, Aguero, Toure, Silva and Balotelli wants to move and Latvia win the Eurovision song contest.

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  62. Unfortunately for you Rod I don't think United have enough quality in defence or midfield this season. They needed a central defender (as evidenced by Carrick having to play there) and a central midfielder. Kagawa and Van Persie could both turn out to be good signings but I still think you're one or two players short of challenging. Even when all your defenders are fit I don't think Jones or Smalling are yet good enough. Think it will be between Man City and Chelsea this year.

    Colch

    Colch

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  63. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree Colch, United have 4 central defenders injured hence Carrick-the-destroyer being in there. United want to give Fletcher a chance to come back and Giggs and Scholes are gonna have one more season so if anything United are coming down with central midfielders.

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  64. I wasn't questioning the numbers Rod I was questioning the quality.

    Colch

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  65. Assuming all players are fit if you compare the defence....

    Man Utd - Rafael, Vidic, Ferdinand, Evra (Jones/Smalling)
    Man City - Richards, Kompany, Lescott, Cliche (Toure/Zabaletta)
    Chelsea - Ivanovic, Terry, Luiz, Cole (Cahill/Ferreira)
    Arsenal - Santos, Vermaelen, Mertescaker, Gibbs (Koscielny/Sagna)
    Liverpool - Johnson, Skrtel, Agger, Enrique (Kelly/Carragher)

    and the midfield......

    Man Utd - Valencia, Cleverly, Carrick, Kagawa (Nani/Giggs/Scholes)
    Man City - Nasri, Barry, Toure, Silva (De Jong/Rodwell/Milner)
    Chelsea - Hazard, Mata, Lampard, Essien (Mikel/Meireles/Oscar/Malouda etc)
    Arsenal - Wlacott, Arteta, Wilshere, Chamberlain (Ramsey/Rosicky/Diaby/Arshavin)
    Liverpool - Allen, Gerrard, Lucas, Downing (Adam/Henderson/Shelvey/Spearing)

    I think all the other four I've listed have better defenders and certainly Chelsea and Man City have a better midfield and possibly Arsenal as well.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  66. Maybe Fergie is going for the Kevin Keegan Newcastle view and thinking that no matter how many the opposition score they will manage to score 1 more.

    Colch.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Ha ha maybe Colch. He could be thinking hes only one or two seasons left so fuck it! Chelski have improved but only in midfield so its difficult to say if they will challenge for the title. Citeh haven't improved at all. United have strengthened the midfield and attack and hopefully this season they can at least keep half their defence fit so I think United are favourites. But it will be tight.

    ReplyDelete
  68. 2012-2013: Chelsea win Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup, League Cup, World Club Championship. Sack Di Matteo for not going undefeated.
    2013-2014: Chelsea win Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup, League Cup, World Club Championship, going undefeated under Pep Guardiola.
    2014-2015: Chelsea win Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup, League Cup, World Club Championship. Sack Guardiola for allowing more than one goal per month.
    2014-2015: Chelsea win Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup, League Cup, World Club Championship, winning every match without conceding, under new manager, one "G. Almighty".
    2014-2015: Chelsea win Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup, League Cup, World Club Championship, winning every match without conceding. Abramovich sacks Almighty for allowing Barcelona to have 3.8% of the possession (but no shots) in the CL final, the most possession any team had against Chelsea all year.
    2015-2016: Abramovich is found dead of mysterious causes at the start of the season. A tall bearded Arabic man wearing sandals while carrying a carpentry bag over his shoulder buys the club, brings back Guardiola. Chelsea finish third, behind AFC Wimbledon and Port Vale, and win the FA Cup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. pls can i have some of what u are smoking?

      Delete
  69. An inspired decision to leave Torres as captain in the FFL this week (aided slightly by the internet connection on the boat not working so I couldn't change it) led to another good points haul. Fingers crossed it will be enough to complete an early seaon double over Noel to get me up and running in the Robbo H2H and give me two wins from two in the other league.

    Colch

    ReplyDelete
  70. FFS Colch! Stop picking on me. I'm looking forward to playing my wildcard already.

    ReplyDelete
  71. So wenger reckons its the presence of talented, underpaid foreign mercenaries that's responsible for the instability of staffing and plans to incorporate less talented overpaid English players who won't want to move because a)no one else will want them or b) they lack the ambition to find a better club?

    Isn't this the Liverpool business plan?

    ReplyDelete
  72. Spare a thought for the first man in space, yuri gagarin, who had to crouch inside a cannonball, the module of Vostok 1.

    He finally came unstuck when flight testing Bostik 2.

    ReplyDelete
  73. From the early exchanges, the premiership looks like a battle between chelsea and man c.

    Man C have greater strength in depth.

    Arsenal and Liverpool look like they'll struggle to qualify for Europe. Could be spurs season?

    Man U well who knows. Or cares.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Christophe Bassons, man of integrity forced out of cycling by liars, cowards, cheats and bullying cunts like lance EPO Armstrong.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Bradley Wiggins should retract what he said about Armstrong just two years ago....

    "I think he's great. He's transformed the sport in so many ways. Every person in cycling has benefited from Lance Armstrong, perhaps not financially but in some sense. I don't think this sport will ever realise what he's brought it or how big he's made it."

    ReplyDelete
  76. Liverpool one up. Ignore all prognostications above.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Citeh are definitely overrated.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Why Skrtl why ??? Oh how nice the 3 points would've felt, but for that precious backpass to Tevez. Anyhoo, great performance by the Liverpool side and Sterling looks really good (as would anyone really, replacing downing). If only we can retain this manner of playing against sunderland and not lose 0-1 to a lucky/extraordinary strike, I will admit that we are making progress.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Seem to save by best FFL performances while playing against 'Average'. Massive 68-32 victory in both H2Hs. This after losing to Spits by 2 points last week.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Somehow won again this week, remaining in first place across the board and creeping into the top 90,000 overall. Getting worried. I hear that if I keep winning into October, a) Torres, Mata, and Hazard will all pick up season-long injuries to put a stop to my (and more importantly, Chelsea's) progress, and b) my name will be linked with the upcoming vacancy at Liverpool. (No dice. I'm holding out to pip Pep to the post at Chelsea.) I'm used to sandwiching a slow start and a weak finish around a soft middle in fantasy football, so I'm not quite sure what to do. Of course, I did win in the Euros, and have won fantasy (American) football, ice hockey, and baseball many moons ago... maybe I should put some money on it. That would surely bring the success to a crashing halt.

    On a different note, heard Dietmar Hamman on Fighting Talk refer to Middlesbrough as the most boring place on Earth. (Something like that, anyway.) Your thoughts, Robbo? It can't be worse than Logan, Utah, where I'm living now. 60,000 Mormons (14 men, their wives, and all their children) and a couple farms surrounding a university (where nearly all the students are Mormon). Don't get me wrong, Mormons are wonderfully nice people, but getting a drink around here is nearly impossible, the nicest store in town is Walmart, and Olive Garden counts as ethnic food. Only here would I feel not boring and pasty white enough. On the bright side, it is very conducive to doctoral studies, and, apparently, to fantasy football management. For now, at least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Correction: 50,000 people. So only 13 men w wives and kids.

      Delete
    2. Personally thought Utah wasn't too bad. Admittedly I've been there only once and less than 24 hrs for teh U2 concert last year, and almost everyone else was from outside Utah as well, so that might have helped.

      Delete
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