Monday, 15 October 2012

The Lost Weekend

I’m not enjoying these Friday night internationals. It’s the latest in a string of attempts by the God of Television to fuck about with my weekends.

If there’s an England match of a Friday night that means that Saturday stretches out before you, vast and unenticing , like a fat lass’s nightdress, and you can’t wait for Sunday to arrive. Only you forgot that Sunday is as empty as a Bedouin’s beerhall.  

Jeez it’s dull. I even found myself getting drawn into the latest bout of Murray v Djokovic and given those bastards kept me up til two in the morning not long ago I couldn’t last the three and a half hours. It’s exhausting. There comes a time when that level of competence becomes almost tedious.

It reminds me of watching that British bloke at the end of the Olympic shooting. Wilson the lad’s name was, and he was in the double-trap summat or other and it was so rare for him or any of his competitors to miss that you ended up in this mixture of hypnosis and agony. I tell you it’s no fun.

Of course there’s always Formula 1, which the Blue Bell Clarksonettes tell me is the most exciting championship race for years. These jeans-and-jacketed petrol-heads like nothing more than the sound of high-pitched chain-saws and the smell of a pit-babes leather-clad perspiration. The twats.

I’m of the opinion that Formula 1 is the most underwhelming, overrated, self-aggrandising trade fair in the world. Little pumped-up billboards masquerading as drivers as they whizz around in their pimped little proxy pricks. Yawwwwn!!! If you like it you haven’t quite got over the thrill of getting your first matchbox toy and pushing it along the carpet shouting ‘vvvvvvrrrooooom!

Having said that, I’d’ve rather watched Lewis Hamilton talk about particle physics than watch the actual football match I witnessed on Friday night.

England trotted out against possibly the worst assemblage of playing personnel ever to take to a field since my brother took a claw hammer to my Middlesbrough subbuteo team in 1973. Playing a rigid 9-1-0 formation they held on against an England team who think Painting by Numbers passes for creativity.

Honestly these lads couldn’t unlock an open door. The amount of times they hurtled into a quick one-two on the edge of the box only for it to dissipate into a three-four-fall-on-the-floor beggared belief.

Rooney was skipper which is good as, well, you know, he’s of unimpeachable character and the one before last was that dodgy geezer… you know the [whisper] racist… I mean, that bloke who isn’t a racist – some of his best friends are black – it’s just he says racist things… occasionally… on telly…

Anyway, Wazza took the armband as happily presumably as he takes analysis of his barnet, which is quite frankly ludicrous. It looks like the work of some high functioning chimps on a macramé course. It also makes him look curiously middle-aged, as if Tom Cleverley drafted him cos his Dad went to school with the bloke. I notice he hasn’t appeared in any of them before and after ads for trichology. The lad looked better with his bonce shaved.

Apart from Walcott getting Schumachered by the San Marino keeper there was nowt to report for the first thirty minutes. It’s hard to understand why Hodgson thought it sensible to play a back four, when a back two might have been overly-cautious. But then Woy isn’t about to get all flamboyant on us, is he?  The one thing he knows is that our lads like it nice n simple. We don’t want too much of that total football malarkey. 4-4-2. That’ll do.

It’s difficult, too, to draw any conclusions from the game, apart from the fact that based on that performance there must be only 14 men of playing age in San Marino. Oxbow-Chambermaid did his bit but he’s not quite ready for the midfield maestro role just yet. Wellbeck nabbed a couple but I always feel he approaches the six-yard box with all the lethal intent of a kitten in pyjamas.

I spent most of the game shouting ‘Shoot! Shoot!’ while our lads kidded themselves they were in some sort of Wengerised training session while a coach on the side shouted ‘Walk it in! Walk it in!’

Poland awaits. They’re no great shakes, are they, and the lad Blatchukowsky or however you spell it is out. It’s one of them games where England will have to find a way to lose it. I expect the England team to be: Hart, Johnson, Jagielka, Lescott, Cole, Milner, Gerrard, Carrick, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Rooney, Defoe. Carroll will be in the ‘throw the big bloke on’ role so beloved of Crouchy.

And thankfully we’ll all be back to wall-to-wall footy in five days’ time thank God. It might also drown out the horrible muttering, gurning, yodelling continuing spectral nightmare of one Jimmy Saville OBE. I, like many children, wrote to the old fiddler to have him fix it for me (a training session with Jack Charlton’s Middlesbrough, as it happens). My wish did not come true. But let me write another letter just for old time’s sake.

‘Dear Jim, (now then, now then) could you fix it for me (goodness gracious) and millions of others to dig up your corpse and trample it to dust, you monstrous and indulged piece of shit. Yours sincerely, Everyone.’

Only the God-fearing amongst you will imagine that he hasn’t got away with it. The rest of us will be cursing him. And Lance Armstrong too. Not that the latter’s crimes compare, but there are similarities. In both cases, charity became a sort of sainted cloak to hide behind, and in both cases everyone knew they were guilty. Sadly.

161 comments:

  1. One of your best, Robbo. Particularly love the description of F1. What do you think of NASCAR?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NASCAR makes death look an enticing prospect. It makes baseball and American football look entertaining.

      Delete
  2. Totally spot on Robbo. My mate turned down the offer of watching the match with me because he has to revise for his first Maths Lesson Today. He's training to be a Teacher.

    By halftime I was jealous of him

    ReplyDelete
  3. I believe the new Friday/Tuesday scheduling is due to the "big clubs" wanting their players back quicker from international duty.

    As for the San Marino game,just take the 3 points and hope for no injuries or bookings,one of which was achieved.

    As for Lance Armstrong (ne Gunderson) it's not the fact that he took every drop of available juice,it's the lies to create an image.It's not about the bike?No Lance it isn't.The bullying,the corruption,the manipulation.Not just from him but the UCI as well.They make the FA look like gold plated genii.

    Mind you,he did well to finish just behind Vettel in the Grand Prix.

    ReplyDelete
  4. http://bfctv.net/buxton-2-blyth-spartans-0/

    Fast forward to 4 minutes 50 seconds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not unlike Tim Howard doing it to someone (was it the luckless Bolton) last season?

      Delete
    2. yes, but Bolton came back to win!!! In fact, victories were so scarce, I remember all of them, well, both of them.

      Delete
  5. Felix Baumgartner's sky-dive record already under threat

    https://twitter.com/davidschneider/status/257826160627552256/photo/1

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tis a beauty that one Jacks. Well done to MR Schneider.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "There's no easy games in International footy" Bollocks. tell that to Germany. Accurate assessment of the game Robbo.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good stuff Robbo.

    I do believe Jacks is correct in stating that the internationals were moved due to complaints from the big clubs, doesn't bother me much, I'm not really into internationals, I only really bother with the finals.

    I haven't seen any of Englands game or any other for that matter except for The Netherlands clash with the mighty Andora. The Dutch only managed a 3-0 win in a tedious affair. Not a great advert for the beautiful game and futher proof that Louis van Gaal may be an excellent club manager but as an international coach he is pretty pooh.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Just in case you missed it on the prvious blog;

    http://duncanjenkins.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/such-little-thing-makes-such-big.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blimey H,that's remarkable.

      What a piece of work,a dossier?

      At least,from Liverpool's perspective,he was flying solo rather than doing the club's bidding.But that is not a good story.

      Delete
    2. I'm a bit late to this one, but a truly remarkable story, but as it's LFC sadly all too believable. To think that LFC used to have a deserved rep as a well-run tight-knit community club. How times have changed.

      Delete
  10. Maybe not the smartest thing to say, but I'm still glad he said it;

    http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story/_/id/1190176/laurent-koscielny:-luis-suarez-is-a-'cheat'?campaign=rss&source=soccernet&cc=5739

    ReplyDelete
  11. Top stuff Robbo, particularly the bit about Savile and Armstrong at the end. "Charity" seems to provide the ideal smokescreen to hide many ills.

    And the England game was as dull as you say. Watching the england forwards pass and (fail to) move is a bit like watching the Liverpool defence. You know what they're trying to do, and you can see it could be progressive, but you're sure they're so uncomfortable with it they're going to screw up any minute.

    Talking of Liverpool, how come Felix Baumgartner can fall 100,000ft, break the sound barrier and stay on his feet, when Luis Suarez loses his footing on entering an opposition penalty area?


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  12. Port Vale live on Sky Sports tonight.

    I shall watch with great interest.... New Tricks on BBC1.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But seriously, whats happened to Liverpoo FC. They seem to be imploding.

      Delete
    2. 'ello Spits.

      Goodness only knows.

      However they've hired to do their PR work needs,at the very least,sacking.

      Delete
    3. Spit - Liverpool are imploding?! Have I missed summat? Mind you, they'll beat us a week on Saturday, they always do...:(

      Delete
    4. Evening Jacks,

      how have you been?

      I'm afraid hte type of people currently running LFC are more inclined to print a thousand or so shirts of the director of communicatinos than rid of him asap and apologise for any distress caused.

      Delete
    5. Mustn't grumble Spits.

      It must be quite a pleasant surprise not to have the early season meeja talk about Wenger.

      Kind of Liverpool to step up to the plate.

      Delete
    6. deffo. The more distance the meeeja bimbos keep from Arsenal, the better it is for everybody involved.

      Delete
  13. Evening all,great blog Robbo,H2H that blog is pretty mind blowing if it's for real.
    Del

    ReplyDelete
  14. good stuff Robbo. The Internationals were obviously moved to accommodate US television audiences : ) .Can't have anything interfering with baseball play-offs, College football and the NFL now, can we!

    Liverpool have been on the brink for a while, letting Alonso leave was when it all started to go pear shaped but the final nail in the coffin was selling Ngog to Bolton. In the interests of LFC survival, we're willing to send him back in January.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would be inclined to agree with the US TV comment if ESPN hadn't just dropped the rights to nearly everything to BeIN Sport or whatever they're called. Used to have ten matches a weekend for the cost of internet, now I get one. Even Fox Sports lost rights to a channel no one has.

      On the bright (?) side, I'm starting to catch on to cricket, at least in T20 format. Between the World Cup and the Champions League, I think I might grow to like the game.

      Which has me worried I'll be deported.

      Delete
  15. just watched the Buxton v Blyth video, best game I've seen for years. Thanks Jacks.

    Questions, just after the 12 minute mark I see a lonely bike in the back left corner of the terrace, is this Blog's lost wheels?

    Why is the food bar shut? Is it due to the government induced pie shortage?

    Is VELU hairdressing the lass near you?

    Best advertisement - Arnold Mycock & Sons, well, it made me chuckle.

    How did the Blyth number 10 not get sent off?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes.

      Don't know.

      Yes.

      Butcher over the road.

      Referee's son.

      Delete
  16. Saville was an odious little shit no doubt (some of us probably suspected as much back then) but don't you think it somewhat curious that not one of 7063 victims made a complaint to the rozzers at the time, especially those who now claim they were raped? Call me cynical (and probably worse) but this appears to be a massive payday for a load of sanctimonious lawyers, shouting "compo" from the rooftops to see how many alleged victims come crawling out of the woodwork claiming their lives have been unlivable since 1973 as the result of Saville's gropings when no-one had previously noticed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd be more inclined to believe it is like the Penn State situation, where it took a brave person to step up so others could, too.

      There probably are a few people who are trying to take advantage of the situation, but I wouldn't think it of too many.

      Delete
    2. Funniest thing about the whole story is the guy's name is Jen.

      Delete
  17. Spectacular stuff from that blog, H2H. Almost hope it isn't true. Gotta love big people crushing little people. Or people who think they are big crushing people they think are getting too big. Ain't Twitter grand?

    Though I'm now a bit worried that Robbo isn't really Robbo.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Top blog as always Robbo. I couln't believe I was suffering Premier League/Championship footy watching withdrawl symptoms looking at the dross that passes for competitive football. (Sorry, Jacks, I didn't see the Port Vale game this evening!) I should be rooting for England but I can't get worked up watching them trying to put away a bunch of stiffs who'd struggle to beat Barnet and knowing that even if they get to Brazil they will either lose on penalties or be humiliated by a decent team.

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least you didn't beat Antigua 2-1 in the dying embers of a match you should have put away in under 10 minutes. Playing away at a Central American nation is tougher than anyone ever believes. But Caribbean nations? Maybe if you leave out your top striker and your best midfielder is injured. Then you have an excuse to only win 4-0 so you can pull out some painful victories over a couple more Caribbean sides, lose to Mexico, make it to the World Cup, and... who knows. Some matches I think we could beat England, whatever that says. Other matches, you start rooting for Barbados.

      Delete
  19. 3-0 vale showing traditional early good form before micky Adams starts flirting with bigger (paying) clubs and demoralises his squad.

    vale are a microcosm of the England team raise your hopes just to shit on them. I'll be watching the Poland match in a state of fear and trembling.

    Btw Jacks I didn't watch the match either, on principle. The principle being we don't have sky sports heh heh.

    On the saville thing, he was investigated six times by police, roger, so there were lots of complaints and there can be no doubt now he was fucking evil and he wasn't alone...but john peel???

    I've got a much better bike now trotts, in fact its much too good to actually use so it sits in the print room causing marital discord. I bought a cheap one as my number 2 bike which I use every day. Still trying to find a use for my number 3 bike.

    Stephen ... cricket? You'll be wearing a bowler (as in a hat, not a 6'11" west Indian) and speaking loik Dick van doik soon, son!


    Finally...here's something to watch instead of the England match ... the film lost weekend here on YouTube ...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITC5R56CAVg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pubs in Cheadle were busy last night Blogs.

      Quite surprised at how many Vale fans there are our way.

      Delete
    2. if I referred to the ex wife as number 3 bike she'd have divorced me. Oh, hang on a minute....

      Delete
    3. Guess I better go return Darren Sammy before someone notices he's missing. Too short, anyway.

      Delete
  20. Senegal have been disqualified from the 2013 African Nations Cup as a result of crowd disturbances which prompted Saturday's qualifier against Ivory Coast to be abandoned, the Confederation of African Football has announced.
    =======================================
    Good news for the geordies. They wont lose either cisse or Ba in Jan now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not much of a punishment that, they were already basically knocked out by the Ivory Coast, that´s why the riots began.

      Delete
  21. Glad some off you checked out that piece, I couldn't believe what I was reading.

    (If True) What a prick, who the fuck does he think he is?
    It´s bad enough that he threatened to "make his life miserable" but to threathen the livlihood of his relatives is just beyond the pale. The poor guy must have thought he was in one of those corperate spy films or something in between The Sopranos and the Matrix, with Neo doing battle with Paulie while Trinity dances in the Bada Bing, but I digress.......

    This is nothing but plain and simple thugery at best, at worst blackmail and I´ll be keeping an eye on the blog to see what, if any, action will be taken. If there´s even a shred of truth to what´s been alledged then surely this Cheng geezer will have to go. As far as I can gather he´s supposed to be some kind of fan liason and not the clubs hitman.

    Also goes back to the point that Twitter can be a dangerous place and a source of misinformation that lazy journalists try to fog off as news.

    I just found this on google, so this story obviously has legs;

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2218240/Jen-Chang-faces-Liverpool-investigation-Duncan-Jenkins-claims--Charles-Sale.html

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mickey Thomas about Galen Bale;

    "It's probably the best I've seen [from a Wales player]," said Thomas.

    "I played with some great players in my career but, watching that performance, not just his goals - his ability to create opportunities for his team-mates - and when he's in that mood and when he's in that stride, he is unstoppable.

    "I've seen the best. I've seen Ronaldo; I've seen them all. He's on a par with them now.

    "The only difference is they play for Barcelona with players like Messi. He's at Tottenham.

    ===
    Yeah, that Ronaldo Messi combination at Barca is great, innit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Makes sense, though. Now I see how they score so many goals and run away from the rest of the league. Each goal must have counted for both players and both teams.

      Delete
  23. Barton fink up to old tricks when are the authorities going to force his big mouth open drop an anvil into it, freeze him, shatter him with a toffee hammer, then pick the bits up with a big magnet drop a piano on them so he stumbles away with little birds flying round his flat head despite being squashed into a pleated and flexing shape like an accordion, then push him off an impossibly high cliff under an advancing steam roller before being slipped under the door of the local psychiatric clinic. When is that going to happen ill tell you when NEVER because the footballing authorities have lost the will to enforce JUSTICE!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, the tried and tested Warner Bros solution.

      Meep meep Joey, meep meep.

      Delete
  24. Anyone else looking forward to Moldova v. San Marino? I may just watch on delay from ESPN3, so please don't give away the final score.

    Actually, Poland v. England is on ESPN3, today, too. Guess I'll have to switch between the two if I can find time for either.

    ReplyDelete
  25. French economy in big trouble. No one likes to see that heh heh

    ReplyDelete
  26. They've genetically engineered rats to be able to smell TNT. It's so strong to them they pass out. Wherever you find your collapsed rat, there's the landmine.

    It would be a great help if they could engineer these so called HeroRats to sniff bullshit.

    Example. The latest take over bid for port vale is AIG. Fuck me I thought, 29th biggest company in the world, unwelcome connection to man u, billion dollar multinational?

    Like fuck, its Alchemy Investment Group based in the Wirral and fronted by a guy who owns a chuffing hairdressing franchise.

    Er, where are you from again, jacks?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alchemy?

      That's the art of turning useless crap into gold, right?

      Cool sponser.

      Delete
    2. Alchemy is the opposite of Engchemy, the art of turning bits of gold into a pile of useless shit.

      Delete
    3. I'd found £3.86 down the back of the sofa.

      Apparently it made me the preferred bidder.

      Delete
  27. perhaps that's what happened in K9? Be careful eating that monster munch, if you already ate it, call the bomb disposal gastrointestinalologist, quick.

    ReplyDelete
  28. ....and don't go near any fires!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Couldn't help myself. Checked out Moldova v. San Marino. There are more camera angles than fans. Yet somehow, you still can't hear the commentary over the noise. Leaves me wondering how much of what I'm hearing is cursing in Italian, Moldovan, or Romanian.

    ReplyDelete
  30. BBC Scotland's Colin Moffat at the King Baudouin Stadium
    "It looks like game over now. The crowd had just started to go a little quiet before that quickfire double from Benteke and Kompany. But now you must be able to hear the celebrations in neighbouring Holland."

    No we can't.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Ridiculous scenes in Poland where it took way too long to come to the only sensible conclusion.

    The pitch was unplayable due to too much water, they couldn't get the roof closed, yet after 45 mins of rain they still wanted to test the pitch to see if the game could go ahead.

    What the fuck did they expect?

    That the rain would wash all the water away? Farcical.

    The game will supposedly now be played tomorrow.

    How would you feel if you'd shelled out, what must be a small fortune, to go to that game only for it to be postponed due to Fifa incompetance?

    ReplyDelete
  32. Serbs again showed they're still not ready to be considered a civilised nation. send in john Simpson at the head of another armoured column.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Polish ground officials!

    Press button marked CLOSE!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ze Germans; footy is a simple sport init?

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  35. Don't think Serbs should be banned for 10 years, maybe play behind closed doors for home matches for that period of time. Even worse, allow in only away fans. No traveling Serbian support allowed from Serbia. (If Serbs living in the country where the match is played want to attend, fine. Yes, there are ways around it. If they abuse it, band Serbian fans, period.) Don't punish the players--except the ones who, upon impartial review, demonstrated that they deserve punishment--but do punish the fans.

    ReplyDelete
  36. "Hi functioning chimps on a macrame course".

    Pure genius!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Not gettiong that Polish plumber to do my drainage for me now.

    Some suggestions that the Polish manager wanted the roof left open so the rain would act as a skill leveller. Why does he want to help England?


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  38. Re: Poland Roof fiasco. There is no truth in the rumour that they kept the roof open because Polish weatherman Mikhail Fisz told them it was not going to rain.

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
  39. http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article_external/11977987?mailing_id=1921&linksrc=mb_main_col_10

    Joey Barton's sister?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean Claude van DAAAAMMME she got that bitch good.

      Delete
  40. Daily Mail rightly having a go at the serbs, but then one of their journo's writes this about the cancelled game;

    "This is what happens when you let every good plumber leave the country. No doubt they were ringing around desperately at the National Stadium in Warsaw on Tuesday night."

    Maybe not full blown racism, but stil.............

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha, true that H,

      --BeeZee

      Delete
  41. trott I see your mate elmander scored in the Swedish Lazarus miracle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. El Mandy scored? wtf, this has been a crazy week, maybe the end of the world really is coming or is it just because Stephen was working on his Swedish Tart chant?

      Delete
    2. It is working wonders. My athletic sports model genius girlfriend and her friends showed up a bit late, but when they did, the Germans fell apart.

      Well, the last clause is true, anyway.

      Delete
  42. The saga continues;

    http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/liverpool-under-pressure-for-explanation-as-creator-of-duncan-jenkins-twitter-profile-faces-forum-abuse-8213971.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad that the Indepentent are covering this story, yet like many of threir coleagues/competition once again they get it wrong.

      They claim that the Duncan Jenkins charachter is an "aspiring sports journalist" while on the blog it cleary states that he is "a perspiring football journo"

      Quite a difference.

      Delete
  43. Poland v England

    http://www.thefirstrow.eu/watch/147163/1/watch-fifa-wcq:-poland-vs-england.html

    ReplyDelete
  44. A rather Stoke-ish performance from England (or should that be Hodgson-esque). Rooney should've sealed it with the chance he had, but seeing the starting XI, it was clear how the team would play. Well, cant really complain, still top of the group and playing well enough to qualify. Its a team of decent, but unspectacular, players and no point in hoping to see pretty football from Milner, gerrard, lescott et al.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I only saw the first half and was not impressed, I think I'll sum it up by using the letter C;

      Clumbsy – is how I’d describe the defence. They didn’t look at ease at any time in the first 45

      Careless – sums up the midfield, only Gerard looked like he had half a clue, because…

      Carrick gave the ball away at every opportunity as did….

      Cleverly, I admit to have not seeing much of him, but what I have witnessed is not worth the hype surronding him.

      Clueless was the attack, Defoe chasing shadows, Rooney trying but it wasn’t working, they had no service as someone had forgot to tell the team that Carroll wasn’t playing so all the hit and hope long balls were pretty futile.

      Other then that they weren’t too bad.;)

      Delete
    2. I'm surprised that Carroll didn't play given that Woy stated in the post match interview that the pitch was still soggy and it was a long ball kind of pitch.

      Delete
    3. Indeed that was a game crying out for a target man. (from what I saw)

      Delete
    4. Agree with you about Cleverly H2. I feel the same about Jones. Walcott falls into a similar category. It was this kind of media hype that landed us with the "Golden Generation"

      Delete
    5. Bring back Graham Taylor & Geoff Thomas. God we're crap. I'm thinking of becoming an honourary Belgian.

      Delete
    6. Do you expect to C more of the same?

      Delete
  45. AH, I think you're a tad hard on Stoke. If they lump it up field Crouch will at least have half a chance to get to it. Defoe had absolutely no chance. Rooney was pants and had to come off. Even his goal was a bit jammy. Hart came and didn't claim so down to him but I'm not sure he'd have done any better staying on the line - it would have needed a worldy to keep that header out. Some good crosses from Gerrard but otherwise a disjointed performance. Take the point and run (or should it be swim?) England will play better and lose!

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
  46. Same old mediocrity, bad passing, misfiring rooney and lack of creativity in midfield vs Poland.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. rooney's game is crying out that he's a forward midfielder... the sooner everyone, himself included, realise this the sooner we will start to see just what a good player he really could be.

      Delete
  47. Authenticity newly redefined....two posh birds on bbc breakfast arguing about the price of pies at football grounds.

    ReplyDelete
  48. It must be tough being a working class Arsenal supporter in England. 126 pounds entrance fee seems a bit excessive to me... the gunners can't even use excessive wages as a reason for such high prices, well not when you compare the wage bill at some of the other clubs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed! Based on the wage bill compared with ticket price for other Prem clubs, Arsenal's top-end ticket should only be £66.84

      Based on Arsenal's Prem league performance the price should be £74.05.

      So yes, £126 is a tad steep!

      Delete
    2. I'd watch on tele and spend my 126 quid on 38 pies.

      Delete
  49. http://www.footballcourier.com/news/story/1601922/town-have-most-expensive-ticket-in-football-league/full_story.html

    We're the most expensive in the football league.

    £3.50 for a pie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. but is it any good?

      The pie, I mean to ask.

      Delete
    2. It's like the football.

      Promising thoughts beforehand,shit aftertaste.

      Delete
  50. Why are they giving England players sleeping pills right before kick off? Madness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So they don't have to watch the match.

      Delete
  51. I know some consider advertising on shirts a form of whoring yourself out, but...

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/soccer/10/17/greece-brothels-voukefalas.ap/index.html?sct=sc_t2_a8

    ReplyDelete
  52. Some of England's players needed sleeping pills after their World Cup qualifier in Poland was delayed by 20 hours because of heavy rain.

    Full story: Daily Mail

    Ironically I needed pils to keep me awake during the first half.

    ReplyDelete
  53. http://www.yardbarker.com/author/article_external/11988151?mailing_id=1924&linksrc=mb_main_col_10

    Video gold. Good to see a German laughin'. Spit, do you know this guy?

    ReplyDelete
  54. Cavendish is off to Omega-Pharma Quickstep then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's been obvious since the TdF Noel.He'll fit in very well there.Sky are looking to target the Grand Tour podium places rather than stage wins,classics etc.

      Delete
  55. Yep, I remember you calling the move to OPQ about 4 months ago, Jacks. Spot on. He'll certainly be in good company with the Vellits' boys, Tony Martin and Boonan, plus Bernie if he moves with him. I think Mick Rodgers may get pulled into the Armstrong scandal over the next few weeks, so who knows where he'll end up.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Hell Trotts, Noo Joisey seems to have missed out on the F1 action for 2013 at least. Get your act together, you lot.

    ReplyDelete
  57. i thought they had one booked for the Meadowlands area sometime soon? Who gives a shit anyway, it's like watching paint dry most races.

    ReplyDelete
  58. i rather watch the lads in their sooped up fiestas down on the asda car park.

    RBA brother where art thou? for old times sake and truer than ever....

    But like I say I aint Catholic, so it isn’t my position to say who they should have in charge, but being honest I do think he is disturbing, but seeing as how last week I was in furore over some yank defiling the Koran, it would callus of me to now bash the most important man in Catholicism (well after old JC any how) just for looking a bit creepy (I mean you wouldn’t sit next to him on the Tube would you?) so I wont, oh no, my axe to grind is with his buddy Cardinal Kasper (the unfriendly holy ghost) who has said that the British are a Godless bunch and that the UK resembles a third world country. Well I am afraid that he has crossed the line with that remark. Third world? The cheek of it, the brazen bloody cheek of it…

    We need to take a stand against this ignorant antianglophilic statement, this German god botherer may think it is acceptable to make these outlandish statements about the country most consider to be Gods back garden, but we need to show him he is wrong. This beautiful happy island of dreams represents the pinnacle of sociological progression, we are a multicultural haven and an example for the world, and how he can say that we as nation are prejudice against any set of people is an outrage… I am in shock that a German of all peoples would make such comments about good old Blighty. It is no wonder so many people are in uproar against this Kraut and his racist remarks (of course this is typical of old fritz) and are demanding an apology. I mean a third world country? We may have rising unemployment, bleak outdated buildings, a Victorian water supply and sewage system, an archaic and flawed political system, a outdated greedy monarchy, a rapidly decreasing currency, an unsettled populous, lingering strikes for public services, plague riddled hospitals, mass influx of foreign unskilled workers, an ever increasing rate of violent crimes, ghetto estates run by drug dealers, increasing numbers of drug addicts, an expanding network of drug dealers and supply of class A drugs, we may have more under 16s pregnant than anywhere else in Europe, our education system may have slipped from 4th in the world to 18th in Europe over the last 10 years, we may have high suicide rates, and families in 3rd generation unemployment, increasing illiteracy, decreasing numbers of 5 year olds who can read, a welfare system riddled with holes that fails those who need it most but rewards those who don’t, so our society operates on a grossly unfair two tier system where 10 percent of the population controls 95 percent of the nations assets and money, so we continue to hold on to archaic dated hereditary piers, and we have a government exclusively ran for the benefit of the controlling top 10% of the population, so we face cuts to our already failing education system, to our incompetent justice system and our impoverished health service, so we can’t help our injured soldiers who are being risked to ensure the oil we steal from middle eastern countries is never liberated, so we send our young off to die not for honour or for our country or any righteous reason other than the continuation of wealth to the already wealthy, so we are poor, unemployed, ignorant, sick, alcoholic, homeless, dirty, criminal, downtrodden and delusional… WE ARE NOT A THIRD WORLD NATION. And I do not think the Cardinal has thought much at all about what he is saying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You may have a point there blog, but the burning issue is whether he's any good in goal?
      Bisq

      Delete
    2. You may also have a good blog there, but the point is, will there ever be a God in goal. Ol' Pepe used to be it once, but now he's just as bad as Satan. Man, I wish we took the 20 mil from Arsenal in 2009 (if that wasn't just a rumor).

      Delete
  59. Just realized, on checking my FFL team, that Spurs were playing Chelsea tomorrow. Who would have ever thought, a year ago, that RDM and AVB would be facing off, with RDM having just won the CL.

    ReplyDelete
  60. In fairness Blogs,you're not too shabby.....
    gz i did not want to divulge what follows but you have provoked me. as you may know i was involved in a serious accident and i unfortuntely lost the sight in one of my eyes. i have overcome this disability. what is less well known is that whilst in hospital my case was confused with that of pianist who had lost both his hands in a car accident. he was to recieve a hand transplant, but things went badly wrong.

    in the confusion of a tory-debilitated nhs the two new hands were grafted onto my own hands. they have often come in useful whilst multitasking, doubling my ability to clunk fists onto desks as well as when scratching an intimate itch or for the occasonal crafty digital emunction whilst pretending to pray.

    But over the course of my last few years in office i became aware that my enemies were being killed by a maniac, one by one. in a sinister twist, i learned that my two new spare hands were hands taken from.....the corpse of the murderer Orloc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    perhaps. just perhaps, the corpses of my political enemies were victims of these homicidal hands of Orloc. i could not take the risk - being unveiled as a mass murderer would be political suicide. i decided to act.

    using a meat cleaver held in my own clunking fists, i removed the hands and put them in a display cabinet above the television as a talking piece. finally i could sleep soundly, freed of the knowledge that, though i had wrecked the economy and executed a couple of bloody and futile wars, at least i wasnt personally responsible for throttling to death three minister, a photocpyist, two researchers, a milkman and a foreign dignitary.

    last night i awoke at the dead of night. the tv was on and errie music filled no 10. downstairs, the tv debate defeat with the one who would have been my next victim, clegg, played in a loop. i switched the tv off but the music played on.........i crept slipsod through the dark centre of british political power searching from rom to room until i discovered:

    the hands of orloc were playing the piano! i leapt upon them. they tried to strangle me, we rolled around on the carpet, arm wrestled, played scissors paper, rock, until finally all 4 of our hands tired. the mad hands lit me a cigarette. we shook and agreed to let bygones be bygones. the murderous hands and myself finally made it up and we went to bed hand in hand in hand in hand.

    my conscience was clear. it wasnt my fault it was all someone elses. phew.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Nice rant Blogidy.

    Third World Country???

    You wish. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  62. Maybe this time it will be a programme worth watching after years of dross;

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/sports-personality/19886193

    But how can you possibly choose?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think you can H.

      It's a rather pointless programme now.It used to be great watching all the sporting highlights,but Sky have them now so all you get are a few photos.

      Whoever the public choose would be a deserved winner,as opposed to the year Ryan Giggs won it.That summed it all up to me.

      Delete
  63. Mandrake the Magician Mandrake had been up all night fighting the minions of 8 led by The Brass Monkey, daughter of The Clay Camel and with a similar talent for disguises.

    And now he felt with his finger tip the proceeds of a childrens birthday party and a small win on 2-2 Arsenal-Barca, jangling a hole in his pocket. He stared hypnotically at the DIY shop shokeeper and pounded the counter with his grubby wee fist.

    "I demand a crate of Deleter, he says, how else can you expect me to maintian my crimefighting superpowers and protect humanity with my interracial team of crimefighters, Lothar and co.?" He raves on for a bit like this - use your imagination.

    "Im not selling you that stuff, Ive told you, its stain remover, the shopkeeper says, and you'll drink it and give yourself brain damage."

    "How stupid do you think I am," said the Magician, using his powers of hypnosis to wear away at the shopkeeper's will. "Ive got stains to remove is all, fella," he says.

    After 8 minutes, the DIY shop shopkeeper handed it over. "There you go" he says, "and take care of yourself, you look a mess".

    "Oh ay, now, son," objected Mandrake "havent you got a cold one?"

    ReplyDelete
  64. I think its pretty easy to choose the SPOTY winner...Kevin Pietersen. Brought some life to the game of cricket. Challenge anyone else to do that.

    ReplyDelete
  65. The best thing about cricket is the opportunity it allows for a 5 day bender coupled with the delerium that comes with sun stroke. Limited overs = limited drinking.

    Freddie Flintoff for the SPOTY next year as newly crowned World Chamion boxer!

    Disgusted with football fans again as a new weekend begins, fuckin' disgraceful what happened at Sheffield v Leeds.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Surely lance has managed to screw Bradley's chances therefore leaving it a straight fight between Murray , Farah, ennis or any successful (para) lympian??? Would be happy with any/all if we could retrospectively remove Ryan (shaggers) and Greg( glorious runner up foreigner) and replace with phil (I have won everything umpteen + 1 times ( the power)) Taylor!
    Bisq

    ReplyDelete
  67. So it's Spurs v Chelsea, AVB v RDM, good v evil, north v west, me v Bells. Should be a good match, but would be even better if the media didn't jump on the rather predictable 'AVB's revenge' bandwagon.

    Personally, I'll be waiting for QPR to lose again to heap more pressure on Mark Hughes. Cracking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good in the loosist sense of the word, but then again, compared to the CSKA Fulham you're positevely angels. ;p

      =====
      This made me chuckle about the Hughes situation;

      A defeat to Everton on Sunday, and QPR will hit The Redknapp Line. A little-known fact; when a team only managed to gain two points from eight games, a light appears in the sky, with the silhouette of an open car window. The Arrysignal goes out, and somewhere on the south coast, an engine starts up.

      Delete
    2. Haha. He needs a theme tune along the lines of Mighty Mouse's 'here I come to save the day'. Although he seems to think he's only good enough for a top 4 club these days.

      A loss to Chelsea ain't the worst result, especially as we gave them a good game. Losing Bale just before kick-off was a blow, but I think Dembele was a bigger loss. He would have blunted Chelsea's midfield a lot more effectively than Huddlestone. And due to Arsenal's result, we stay 5th.

      Some great text's on the BBC live text - i don't know why some people text in when it's obvious they've never watched a game of football in their lives.

      Delete
  68. FA Cup day today.

    4th qualifying round.Win today and into the 1st round proper.

    Buxton away at Guisley,who are flying high in the division above The Bucks.

    Fingers crossed.

    Today also sees RBA v Tone take place.

    Not looking good for RBA's Shots.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Disgusted with football fans again as a new weekend begins, fuckin' disgraceful what happened at Sheffield v Leeds.

    Indeed Trott, I just saw it, what an utter cuntbucket.

    For those who missed it;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbjdslWdQio

    Colin Wanker didn't exactly cover himself in glory either, he really is a prick. I know that the club can’t be blamed for the action of one retarded fan, but I’ve read reports that the Leeds fans were constantly singing songs about the SW manager, comparing him to Jimmy Saville. For him to then instruct his players, at the end of the game, to go applaud the fans seems to me very bad judgement and that’s putting it mildly.

    I completly understand why Jones is upset.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's an extended version that raises the question of what the hell were the stewards doing, because it certainly wasn't their job.

      There is way more then one fan in a place where they shouldn't be;

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87gfB0TpKU

      Delete
    2. According to a customer of mine that went last night (he's a Wednesday fan) Leeds always sing those songs about Dave Jones.Not only that,but 200 charged the SW fans in the north end trying to break through,bottles,chairs and advertising boards ripped and thrown around as well.

      No-one likes us,we don't care seems to be their motto.

      I wonder how keen they'd be to do that if the FA docked them points every time their arsehole fans did the same again.

      Delete
    3. This is a volitile situation indeed and the timing couldn't be worse.

      How can the FA appeal against Serbia and condemn their fans when this is going on in their own back yard?

      The world WILL be watching and the F.A will have to get it right this time around, failure to act could have far reaching consequences.

      Delete
  70. Unhappy striker Emmanuel Adebayor, 28, has held crisis talks over his Tottenham future with manager Andre Villas-Boas.

    Full story: Daily Mail
    ====

    What's up Ade?

    Not feeling the love again?

    ReplyDelete
  71. Sunderland boss Martin O'Neill says the Tyne-Wear derby matches rival the Old Firm clashes in Scotland for intensity.

    Full story: Newcastle Chronicle
    ===
    Is it because most see Sunderland as a Third Division team?

    ReplyDelete
  72. Whew. 4-2 comes out well enough for me. If only I'd chosen Mata instead of Hazard as my captain. Meh. Trott's Totts didn't do much and I have to hope that theme continues.

    ReplyDelete
  73. is that your team Stephen "Mata Of Faith"? why indeed isn't Mata your captain? You should rename it "Hazard A Guess".

    3 forwards to play for me, 2 goals a piece should do it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely worried about tomorrow's matches. Even two goals between them might do it once the bonus points are counted. Maybe Howard will pick up a goal for me tomorrow. That's not too much to ask, right?

      Delete
    2. he's due for one. Is there gale force winds forecast for Loftus Road?

      Delete
  74. If this is the effect of going bust, vale will have to go bust more often.
    7 points clear in second now.

    Micky Adams = God

    ReplyDelete
  75. Cheers Jacks me old mate.

    Tractor boys stuck in a muddy field at the moment and no sign of a turfor winch ....


    ReplyDelete
  76. JT the Talking Snake in footballs garden of Eden was spotted on YouTube today mouthing the words "don't wear the t-shirt".

    Of course they've got the right to protest against the protest against racism but I can't help thinking black players refusing to wear anti-racist t-shirts is just a little bit like Dolphins Against Greenpeace.

    I ag..... I ag...... I agr......fuck it I agree with fergie and respect him for speaking up on this issue. But this is embarrassing for him now.....this is what he said about Jason Roberts yesterday ...

    “But he really should be supporting the other players who are doing it. If everyone believes in something, they should do it together.
    “You shouldn’t have sheep wandering off, okay? I think it sends out the wrong message.”

    He's right. What are the t-shirt refuseniks saying "let's keep it in"?

    I think the wandering sheep Jason Roberts and Rio are confused egotists with a platform, the problem is much deeper and more important than the FAs lenience in one particular tricky case where the culprit, Chelskis Talking Snake, in any case has lost his international career and what little was left of his reputation, despite being found not guilty in court. John Terry didn't get off lightly like they're implying ffs..

    But fergie is a Just and Vengeful God, Rio so watch out. Is Chris smalling fit yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wonder what would have happened if Fergie called him a black sheep...

      Delete
  77. Norwich 1-0 Arsenal.

    The perfect match for preferring an underdog win but needing fantasy points from the favorite (Cazorla).

    Trotting past me tomorrow may be (the?) one happy Bolton fan.

    ReplyDelete
  78. already happy, Bolton won, Bolton old boys won.

    Let's be 'avin you!

    ReplyDelete
  79. http://www.footytube.com/video/deportivo-la-coruna-barcelona-oct20-136891?ref=hp_ozeit_mp

    Barca v Deportivo highlights. Was Jordi Alba's the greatest own goal finish ever? The main reason I posted this is to ask does anyone know who the fuck the Geordie commentator is? I always thought that no-one would come close to ESPN's Tommy Smyth for absolute shiteness, but this guy gives old Tommy a run. He just seems to throw random words together. 'Detonates with prejudice', 'through the wickets'. What the fuck is he on about?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a game that was! Watched it in a bar last night and it created a surreal atmosphere, seemed like a charity match where a team of pros doesn't want a team of oldies to lose by much. Even got the lasses interested this one.

      As for the commentator its Ray Hudson, surely one of a kind with phrases like ''you can't smile at a crocodile and you can't give Messe this much space...''. Here are some of his best rantgasms (Messi does seem to float his boat more than anything):
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gS6Np-g_h5w

      He gets annoying most times though (just like his muse, who can get annoyingly good most times)...

      --BeeZee

      Delete
    2. The American commentary is horrible. I had to mute it!

      Delete
    3. Any chance you found it online in the US?

      Nearly every match called by an American deserves a mute in my view. We have a different style that involves overexplaining everything and never letting the game speak for itself.

      Okay, repeat rant over before I do exactly what I dislike in the commentators.

      Delete
  80. I've always thought making sense is over estimated noel

    ReplyDelete
  81. This is just lovely: Rio Ferdinand has been fined 220,000 quid for not wearing a KIO shirt. Same amount that Terry was fined.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Good piece in the guardian spit from David James blaming the FA for procrastinating over the charge, so it festered. They gave the impression they couldn't charge terry (what a ferkin disaster that selfish twat is) until the next millennium as it was sub judice, that's certainly what I thought anyway...totally untrue. Couldn't be a bigger shambles now if Cameron was in charge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always think, justice delayed is justice denied.

      Terry should have been dealt with straight away and these bastards have the hell to explain why the foreigner Suarez got banned for double the games as much as the pride of England, John Fucking Terry.

      Delete
  83. Trotts, when you said 2 goals for each striker, did you mean two points for each?

    Probably still on top of the Classic Leagues but not really making up ground in the head-to-head. Thankfully it is early enough in the season that I can collapse with enough time to avoid choking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well done. I got one goal from the three and that was in his own fuckin' net. Story of my season but this team didn't even exist when I took over (more excuses than Owen Coyle).

      Delete
  84. Anyone lay claim to Thugton Rovers or San Mateo Shades?

    ReplyDelete
  85. Paul Jewell is apparently "thinking over his future".

    To be honest,if he does fall on his sword I wouldn't mind Mad Mick McCarthy.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Tottenham striker Emmanuel Adebayor, 28, is ready to quit White Hart Lane just two months after arriving on a permanent deal from Manchester City for £5m.

    Same ol same ol, just the name of the club changes.

    Yes Stephen, San Mateo Shades is moi.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Top 4 in all 4 leagues now...mwahahahaa. Got very lucky this week to play 2 low scorers. With that idiot Bale choosing not to play and a wise managerial choice leaving Sterling on the bench, still managed to win despite scoring less than the average.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Liverpool manager 7 points of the last 3 games (norwich, stoke, reading). While would really have liked 9, 7 aint that bad. Now for the tough part with the toffees, newcastle and chelksi up next.

    Chelski meanhwhile are looking awesome, though I hate to say it. The trio of mata, hazard and oscar are really something special. Citeh managing to stay in the debate somehow, which means they will surely splash the cash in the attempt to keep up.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Replies
    1. hahahaha, nice one Sir!

      Delete
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