Monday, 7 January 2013

Hand of Sod

Ah the immutable laws of football’s professional code. Luis Suarez bats in a goal with his hand like a Dad playing hand tennis with his child (that is NOT a euphemism) and what do the people in football say?

When asked whether Suarez should have owned up, Brendan Rodgers said: "It's not Luis's job to do that. It's not been deliberate as it's pushed up and hit his hand. It's up to the officials to decide that."

When asked whether he felt cheated, Mansfield Town manager Paul Cox said: "No I don't. For me to come out and say something like that I think would be quite cheap.

Matt Holland:  "The answer is not giving individuals morality lessons but giving officials the tools to tackle the problem."

So there we have it. You can't blame Luis if the officials are crap can you? And anyway it was 'instinctive' for him to use his hand illegally. And therefore Luis Suarez was born a cheat.

In other words, there's one rule for footballers and there's another for the rest of us.

I'm not sure the same rules would stand up in a court of law, or even if I was talking to my Dad.

"Why did you steal them sweets, Derek?"
"It was instinct, Dad."
"I think you should go to the police, son."
"Why? It's not my fault they didn't catch me."

Or "excuse me, Mr. Merchant Banker but how come so much of your income remains untaxed?"
"Well don't blame me if no one ever comes a-checking."

Essentially those little lambkins, our tiny ball-hungry (that's not a euphemism) children, doe-eyed and innocent, watch a game of football and learn the first great lesson of modern life: Just get away with what you can. The rules are there to be broken.

It's so embedded in football culture that even opponents patently diddled by such underhand, backhanded or even forehanded skulduggery shrug their shoulders and sigh "That's football."

And there's a bit of me that says well you know what? Fuck football. If it can't be bothered to have some ethics, a bit of morality, a bit of self-respect then what's the point of it?

Paul Cox doesn't want to sound cheap. Well I'll do it for you, Paul. You were fucking robbed, son.

Suarez is a lightning rod for all of this of course. Rodgers has toed the same line as Dalglish. The lad's a wonderfully gifted footballer so we'll gloss over the fact that he hits the deck like a felled tree, leaves his foot in on opponent's ankles, likes to point out racial differences and believes that there are two players on every team who can handle the ball. (Again all of the above are down to instinct, or as some of us say might say, innate evil).

The naysayers insist that if the powers that be won't use technology then it's inevitable that these things will happen. It's not up to the players to do the ref's job for him. Well yes and no.

Two regular offences that blight the game are (a) the diving - and let's not pretend that Gareth Bale British football's Tom Daley right now (the utter sham), and (b) holding and shirt-tugging and all that crap.

Now in the first case I'm all for instant retrospective three-game bans for anyone caught diving, especially if it's an attempt to win a penalty or to get an opponent sent off. In the second case, it's a murky bleeding minefield because it's pretty much obligatory. Referees are being encouraged to deall more severely with it when they spot it but you forget that very often the forward is tugging just as hard on the defender's shirt. It's never that clear-cut.

So there's always going to be areas where a decision is desperately difficult to make, and players are going to do their best to keep exploiting the blurred lines involved.

Patting the ball into the net isn't a questionable decision. The lad knew, just as Maradona and Henry knew, that he's cheated. I don't care what bollocks Rodgers comes out with. Much like any centre-half that comes up against the Uruguayan rodent, he is defending the indefensible.

So yes, use the TV cameras, but no, that doesn't absolve a player from looking to his own morality to judge whether he can live with cheating the opponent and indeed the game itself.

Clearly Suarez has the moral rectitude of one of them ground crickets I saw on David Attenborough's 'Africa' which eat baby birds from out of their nests, and if they fall to the ground and get injured in the process, the other crickets come along and cannibalise it.

Indeed, as one of the ground crickets said. "It's not our fault that the parent birds leave the nest unattended. You've got to take these opportunities when they come. As for the lad that fell on the ground, well you've got to gobble up chances like that haven't you?"

If I'm honest we've all tried to get away with one or two infringements in the past, but these days it's so arrantly embraced and, well, celebrated. It's even more of a shame when the biggest conmen are players like Suarez and Bale who are so outrageously gifted that they need not descend to such depths. It's worse still when the dupes of all this connivance, the officials, are lambasted from pillar to post for missing such things.

And it really is the bottom of the barrel when that apex of the football pyramid, Sir Alex Ferguson, slags every official in sight after they've made a perfectly justifiable decision.

Any road, I'm off to illegally claim that child benefit, dodge some tax and mug a granny. Look it's not my problem there's not enough policemen on the beat. Is it?






194 comments:

  1. Well said! Impose an 8 game "twat ban" on him.

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  2. Robbo blogs have gone seriously downhill of late.

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    Replies
    1. C'mon Mike. A bit of creative critcism. Not as funny? (Tbh, Suarez has ceased to be a laughing matter.) I doubt it's cos you're a LIverpool fan. So what's up?

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    2. It's my fault they've gone downhill. I been printing them out and then rolling them down a seriously steep local hill. I'd let you know where the hill is located. But in order to protect the safety of other blogs and bloggers, I'll keep the location to my self. My apologies.

      Delete
  3. I think these LFC managers are scared of pissing luis off.. The support for him is blind and sheepish..

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  4. Well said Robbo. Diving particularly ranckles me. But it seems to have become part of the culture of English football that it's OK to do it.

    Bale recently stated that "it is not a dive if there's contact". Well, I'm sorry, but if you deliberately throw yourself to the floor in order to con the referee into giving a penalty, that definitely IS diving, no matter whether there is contact or not. But many players believe as Bale does. It doesn't help when MOTD and SKY sports commentators use the much broadcast phrase " there was contact, so he was entitled to go down". No he effing isn't! There is a word for it, cheating. But it seems to have become socially acceptable cheating.

    There's only one way to deal with it. Book players who don't stay on their feet. The refs may get a few decisions wrong in the process, but it will soon change the culture. As for Luis Suarez handball goal, a three match ban for bringing the game into disrepute?

    Rant over. Where's my coffee? :-)

    Camel

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  5. Yep, Camel. 'Entitled to go down' is one of those supposedly hard-headed former professional maxims that make me wmat to bash a hole in the TV screen. Now here's your coffee.

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  6. “that doesn't absolve a player from looking to his own morality to judge whether he can live with cheating the opponent and indeed the game itself.“

    Those were my thoughts exactly when I heard Gordon Strachan use the double yellow line analogy. That is, if a driver parked on a double yellow and went away for 20 minutes, came back and didn’t have a ticket, he wouldn’t be phoning the council to confess all.

    No Gordon, he probably wouldn’t. But there’s chalk/cheese and then there’s that situation/this situation.

    They are completely different. This is a sporting contest. There is a victim, somebody directly affected by the cheating. In this case, thousands of victims (fans of Mansfield Town). It is not at all like “parking on a double yellow line for 20 minutes”

    It goes against everything football pretends to pride itself on. Gamesmanship, etc.

    Great blog Robbo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not just about the team cheated out of three points or a place in the next round. Most importantly, what are the 'doe eyed' young 'uns gonna be learning after seeing such on tv?

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    2. Hmmm... must be different markings your side of the pond. Parking on a double yellow line here in the States would be parking in the middle of two-way traffic. You might not get a ticket, but your car probably wouldn't be in one piece when you got back.

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  7. Suarez blew it. Had he 'fessed up, prior misdemeanours would have been, if not forgiven, at least lessened. Instead, he proved his detractors right. And Robbo's right, its doubly galling when talented footballers cheat (as Robbo called him , the "gelled tumbler" was the best example). Even when otherwise honest footballers like Henry don't do the honourable thing and admit handball, they lessen their stature in the game. If fans want imitation sport, there's professional wrestling- or apparently Italian football if the scandals are to be believed. For most of the rest of us (at least IMO), rather the team won fair and square.

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  8. I'm a bit concerned that I might have caught a mutation of that winter vomitting bug. Woke up today with a temperature, stomach cramps, vomitting, aching limbs and finding myself supporting a football team that will ultimately let me down. Think I might have got the borovirus.

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    Replies
    1. I think that goes for all of us on here,except for Adam.His team just lets everybody else down.

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    2. I think my Aunt Marje had that, she was in the hospital for ages, all the doctors used to say;

      "I can't believe shes not better".

      Delete
  9. Well, not sure if something in my name gives it away, but I am a LFC supporter, have been all my life. However, I consider myself to be a reasonable, rational supporter who sees both sides to every conversation.

    Two points to make here:

    1. On suarez, it's not just rodgers doing a dalglish. Here's what the Mansfield manager had to say in the line that Robbo missed quoting -
    ========
    "Cox felt Suarez did what any striker would do.

    "What he did was instinctive," said the 41-year-old. "We should embrace him as a talent, rather than for doing something that was instinctive.
    "All he did is do what any striker would have done.
    "If Matt Green had done it we would have accepted it. I can't be two-faced on that".
    ======
    This is what a fellow striker (english at that) had to say.
    Grant Holt tweeted: "Don't care what you say i would not tell the ref if I handled it neither should of Suarez."
    ======

    Point is not that either Cox or Holt (in his horrible grammar) saying they would've done the same makes it right. It is still wrong, but let's not make this about Suarez just because of past events. Every event on its own merits (or lack thereof) would make for healthy discussion.

    Point 2. Lack of moral fibre in players affecting the younger fan base. As I mentioned when Terry allegedly shagged the ex-bridge, if your children are looking up to footballers (millionaire scum most of them, except for the new James Bond) to learn how to live their lives, then, parents, please take a long look at yourselves in the mirror.

    Point 3. SAF must be licking his lips in anticipation of our arrival at OT seeing how great we were against Mansfield. And the fact that he has more ammo to comment on Suarez just at the right time.

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    Replies
    1. Well, not sure if something in my name gives it away, but I am a LFC supporter

      Yeah, it's the word "Hopeful" that gives it away. ;)

      Delete
    2. 1. Agreed and well said. Heck, who amongst us wouldn't have done it? There is a victim, but it is a game. Retroactive punishment? Perhaps. Replays made available to the ref? Certainly. But morality goes out the window once you get paid and/or are in a competition.

      2. They should eat more whole wheat, I suppose.

      3. Using the ammo to shoot Suarez would give him a good reason to go down.

      Delete
  10. Two in a week, good stuff RR.

    Regular readers will know my position on Suarez, he's an extreamly gifted player, but he has always been a twatbucket and as the saying goes - a leopard with acne can't change his spots (or whatever), nothing he has done or will do, unless it's a good thing, will ever catch me unawares.

    Football is a morally bankrupt sport, but what surprises me the most is the fact that people think this is a new phenomenun, footballers have been cheating for years. Shirt pulling is nothing new, nor is handling the ball to gain an advantage. I remember going to games in the 70's when the players were literaly kicking bits out of each other. Rabbit punches and foot stamping happened all the time during deadball situations.

    The only difference between then and now is that there are hundreds of state of the art cameras recording everything from every concievable angle in glorious HD, which is then analyised to death by has beens and never wases in designer shirts.

    The whole idea that footballers (of all people) should be held to some sort of moral code is laughable in the extreame. These guys are texst book narcissists, they wouldn't of got where they were without that sense that they are better then others, add to that fire of self worth the oil of ridiculous money and thats a towering inferno of self intitlement. They're gonna do, what they're gonna do and apologies to no one for it, unless their manager or agents tell them that it is better to do so for their own self interest.

    The cheating, or "gamesmanship" if it's done by a British lad, will never be fully eradicated from the game, nor should it be. It's what makes footy great, we all need someone to love to hate and admit it or not it's the controversy that keeps us coming back for more. I for one wouldn't want football changed into a sterile game where nothing untoward ever happens, but, that said, if a giant bird swept down and grabbed Luiz Suarez, flying then to it's nest where he fed him to his hungry mega chicks who pecked him into little bite sized U R Gayian pieces then it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "The cheating, or "gamesmanship" if it's done by a British lad, will never be fully eradicated from the game, nor should it be."

      Just a problem when foreigners do it to beat good solid British lads. Or cheating bastard British lads. Either way. Only a problem when foreigners do it. Now I see where we Americans learned that attitude. At least we're honest about it.

      Delete
  11. Once hes done it hes not going to admit to the ref but the point is he shouldnt have even thought about doing it. Instinct my arse.

    Why is cheating instinctively supposedly excuseable? Its worse than deciding to be a cheat. it means he's innately a cheat.worst of all, Jon Champion who correctly called it "the work of a cheat" has had to apologise.

    Many (not all) Liverpool fans seem very upset about this accusation and the inevitable counter-accusations of burning martyr because in their own hearts they know their best player who looks and behaves like the villain in a spaghetti western is damaging the Liverpool brand. theyll soon all be wearing ragged ponchos and whistling film scores by ennio morricone

    Theres degrees of getting away with rule infringement and punching the ball in the area is so far over that line that the line has disappeared behind these people into the hindmost disappearing desert cactus strewn distance.

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    Replies
    1. He is indeed the "Good the Bad and the Ugly" all rolled into one, he earns a "Fistful of Dollars" and thinks he is "Beyond the Law".

      If I came "Face to Face" with him it would be a "Day of Anger", it might just be a "Requiem for a Gringo" like me, but I would give him a chance to "Run, Man, Run!".
      But because I "Cry for revenge", I'd make sure "The Hills Run Red" because "Any Gun Can Play" and "God Forgives... I Don't!". I'd give him "A Minute to Pray, a Second to Die" before crying out, "Vengeance Is Mine"."For a few dollars more " he can "Have a Good Funeral, My Friend... Sartana Will Pay"

      Delete
    2. That was a western sans spaghetti, I'm afraid.

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    3. was there at least some meat balls, marinara sauce and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese?

      Delete
    4. Well, Clint would of been munching on that for years,. so he´d probably of wanted a change. Gene Hackman had the French Connection, so he´d of been chewing on some Coq au vin and leg the frogs. Morgan Freeman seems a rib man to me, but frequently induldges in Lobster Thermadore which he orders from McDonalds.

      They all love Jaffa Cakes, but think they are biscuits...Actors Eh?

      Delete
  12. There's an easy question to ascertain whether he's a cheat and it's in the rule book. Was it a deliberate movement of the hand in order to control the ball. Yes it was. So, he's cheated. I hate all this 'in his culture he's asking a question of the ref' rather than cheating. It is cheating. It's trying to gain an advantage from an illegal move.

    It's the same with diving. Just because there's contact, it doesn't mean that it's a foul.

    I can't knock Rodgers for saying we'd all accept it, because we would. But Suarez has proved he's a cheat, and why we all expect him to have a moral epiphany is beyond me.

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  13. TRANSFER TALK
    Bolton Wanderers' £300,000 bid for Wales striker Craig Davies, 26, is accepted by Barnsley after it met his buyout clause and the club just need to agree personal terms before completing his switch to the Reebok, reports the Bolton News. Barnsley director Don Rowing said: "Craig is talking to Bolton and we expect the deal to be completed early this week if he can agree personal terms with them."

    World class!

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  14. Robbo... well said as always, even if I don't necessarily agree. It would be nice if players never cheated, but it would be nice if there were no more wars, too. When you see a Suarez, you tell your child not to do that. When your child grows up a bit, you tell him not to do that unless he won't get caught. And that if he gets caught, you'll disown him. But as long as he doesn't...

    Find me a player who wouldn't cheat in the same situation, or even one who would admit the goal shouldn't stand and ask the ref to call it off. I'd ask for a show of hands, but my guess is we'd all have one on the ball.

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  15. Luis Suarez is no Marius Ebbers

    http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/the-amazingly-honest-marius-ebbers-st-pauli-gets-the-ref-to-rule-out-his-hand-of-god-goal-vs-union-berlin/

    However,as before, I will defend the officials for not spotting it to a certain extent, at normal speed, there are 2 MT players between the ref and the twat and at least 1 poss 2 at point of contact between Linesman and twat and all this is at eye level. The problem, is we see it from a much higher vantage point and from several angles, and all these so called experts will all have their say.

    Sadly you cant impose any sanction after the conclusion of the game, unless you then nullify the game because the action may have affected the final result and have it replayed.

    Where the fuck would that lead us to?

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  16. did i come back to this blog the other day or was that all a dream?

    cripes robbo somethings never change, i guess you can please some of the people some of the time but theres always liverpool fans.

    i know how hard it is writing a blog i did it for a couple months and had a breakdown... hence my 2 year absence from this glorious blog. anyway robbo i think your blog is as of the same high quality it was when you were on le beeb...

    as for suarez...

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  17. Replies
    1. Magic darts mate, magic darts.

      I now have a dart team here in my new gaff, we play every Thursday, it's our first year and we're second in the league with two games in hand at the moment, although isn't every dart game a game in hand? I digress.

      Brfore you start wanting to pat me on the back and say good on ya lad or words to that effect, I'll have to admit that we play Bullshooter on an electronic board. It's not quite the same as the original steal tip game, but the boards are now state of the art equipment, the one I got costs a cool 5 grand. It's connected to the internet so you can play in global competitions and all kinds of freaky shit, it remembers your averages, league positions and if you ask it nicely makes a cuppa for you in the morning......... well it should.

      The doubles, triples and bull are bigger, which makes it easier for us pissheads, because that is what the league consists of, to score a few points every now and again, plus it does all the counting for you.

      Magic (almost) Darts!!

      Delete
    2. well done lad... electro datrs are alright man. i aint against progression or bigger doubles..

      whats the new pub called?

      Delete
  18. Jon Champion, the espn commentator for the match has been reprimanded by his bosses for calling suarez a 'cheat'.

    According to the Telegraph espn have issued an apology for the 'incident'!

    What the hell is happening? Is suarez sacred or a scientologist or something? Is no one allowed to criticise him?

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  19. Well, new piece of information (to me, ya'll might already know this) that definitely changes how I see this.

    The ref did see the handball and ruled it was not deliberate so the goal stood. This for me, is hugely different, from him using his hand, the ref not seeing it and the goal being given. What the hell was he supposed to do ? Go to the ref and say, I know you think you saw it but you didnt really, as it was pretty damn deliberate. It was a refereeing decision plain and clear. Both the referee and the linesman saw the handball and both thought it was not intentional. Anyone who thinks he still cheated (on this occasion and this occasion only) has a serious problem separating reason from personal opinions.

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  20. What the hell is he wearing or is this now what passes for fashion and I just have no clue anymore ?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/20937775

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    Replies
    1. Reckon Lionel's got at least two white doves in his inside pockets and the flags of all nations up his sleeves.

      Delete
  21. Problem is AH, it doesn't matter anymore, he's spun enough rope with his previous antics to hang himself twice with.

    For what it's worth I don't think it was that bad what he did, it could of happened to anyone, but to say he didn't cheat is a bit wide of the mark no matter what the ref and linesman thought. To me it looked intentional;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6UU1NZ2LhA

    But like I said, not the worse thing in the world. Peter Crouch looked like he was playing basketball when he scored against City earlier in the season, did he go to the ref? Did he fuck.

    Even Pulis who is a so called cheat dispiser laughed off Crouchies cheeky contribution, the dirty hippocrite. Where was the witch hunt for the lanky streak of piss? Oh yeah, there wasn't one because he's "not that type of player" or whatever it is that means home grown talent get away with shit that Johny Foriegner gets slated for.

    How many bogus goals are given when the striker knows all too well that he is an offside position? Why does nobody moan that they don't own up to their transgression? Is that not cheating too?

    I'm not defending Suarez, but I can understand why the L'pool fans may get a little peeved with this force ten storm in a teacup.

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  22. RBrudA

    It's called 't Wagenwiel (Wagonwheel), it's in Lambertschaag, which is on the Westfriesdijk, just a little north of the middle of fucking nowhere. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Crouch is a cheating cunt too. He's the reason we're not top of the Premier league. Diving twat.

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  24. I keep imagining rba is back...


    On suarez to paraphrase Rachel off of friends it doesn't that often, it is cheating and it is a big deal. He clearly intended it his hand moved to the ball and he way he kicked the ball in suggested he ws half expecting not to got away with it.

    The crouch goal was just as bad but it wasn't a desparate attempts to cheat past minnows in the cup and you're right H its also a question of reputation.

    Personally id rather have a sister who worked in a brothel than a player like suarez playing for the vale

    Unless of course he ws our best player and scored lots of goals

    From this i logically deduce that most Liverpool fans have sisters who work in brothels.

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  25. I played in a darts team when i lived in delft H. We got regularly hammered in both senes of the word we played a women's team who thrashed us ..hills angels who knicked not just my bike but everybodys bike when they left...i was always too pissd to add up properly that caused a few problems so impersonating all for electronic aids but bigger doubles and triples ? Whats the world coming to?

    Darts is like a religion in Holland.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Replies
    1. Awww, I imagined you running after the busty buxom lasses with a baldy geezer whose head you just slapped while silly sax music was playing in the background.

      I wouldn't advice that with Hells Angels

      Delete
  27. Matt Holland is a good bloke *name drop alert* I speak to him regularly as his boy plays for the same team as mine.. but im not sure what this means

    Matt Holland: "The answer is not giving individuals morality lessons but giving officials the tools to tackle the problem."

    Because in this case its a question of intent. There's not an electronic gadget which calculates 'mens rea' but if there was it would be mighty useful in murder cases or gay bars

    To my mind it IS about morality lessons ie Stop cheating you cunt.

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  28. Ah Matt Holland.That takes me back to the days when I could look at the Ipswich score without covering my face first.

    Although for some reason Mrs Jack prefers it that way.

    Also nice to discover that H's new pub is called the strawberry marshmallow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was actually my first choice.

      Damn copyright laws.

      Delete
  29. Belated Happy Noo (as they may or may not actually say in Trottsland) Year to you all

    Yay RBA - welcome back , how's family life in your pie-shaped house?

    Here's something to brighten up your mornings, apologies if it has been posted up before and I missed it

    http://messicr7neymar.lockerdome.com/articles/104538206

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    Replies
    1. Dear God, I know I support Chelsea but how behind the times am I. Only saw this clip on Twitter earlier and thought it was new but have since seen it is YEARS old. Anyhow still funny

      Delete
  30. That Matt Holland eh. I knew his brother Holloway 2.

    One would think they could have a video ref like rugby league for all goals or the as the NFL does for all scoring plays . At least in the Prem. Might not be practical for cup ties in mansfield.

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  31. blogdignag8 January 2013 05:35

    "Personally id rather have a sister who worked in a brothel than a player like suarez playing for the vale"

    __________________________________________________

    And as if by magic....

    http://www.port-vale.co.uk/news/article/20130108-hughes-signs-for-vale-585916.aspx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'm very relieved that wasnt a picture of my sister photographed in compromising circumstances, jacks

      Delete
    2. ha ha.

      i see what you mean about lee hughes btw

      you wont though catch me saying "he never done it, guv, e plays for us so e cant av done" which is what the suarez thing seems to boil down to

      Delete
    3. If they do anything wrong,they will receive automatic forgiveness anyway seeing as His Eminence is playing up front for you.

      Delete
    4. infallible in front of goal

      Delete
  32. One for Trotts this.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Higgins_(footballer_born_1932)

    Cropped up in conversation with a customer who is/was his cousin.

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  33. John Higgins. Now that's a proper footballer's name!

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  34. World Cup, here we come...

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/soccer/news/20130108/brazil-prostitutes-english-world-cup.ap/?sct=sc_t2_a4

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  35. does blogs keep imagining i'm back... nutter.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Is it me or is .....nah. I keep thinking that....never mind.

    Take night nurse during the day and it has the same effect as methadone

    ReplyDelete
  37. i just take methadone, its alot quicker and you cant get night nurse on the nhs

    ReplyDelete
  38. sometimes i wonder if i'm just a figment of blogs nightnurse binge... what if we all are?

    ReplyDelete
  39. the thing i like about night nurse is they used a reggae theme song to promote thier product... way to rip off the night nurse people Levi Roots... you shyster!

    ReplyDelete
  40. oh and somehting about football... erm... gary neville... pretty good pundit actually... hes alright.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I tell you what imaginary friend im takeing night nurse in the day and Day Nurse during the night and its completely fucking me up i keep thinking Cheryl Cole is prime minister

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As a right pair of tits are currently running (ruining?) the country you may not be quite as far off your rocker as you think you are.

      Spider

      Delete
  42. any premier league fans who want know the level of quality we see week in week out in league 2 of her majest football league compared to the standard of prem footy... well if you watched the PDC world championships, watch the lakeside for ten minutes... its about that drop in quality...

    i checked 105 at lunch... thinking of entering next year.

    ReplyDelete
  43. you mad man, cherly is deputy primeminister in the coalition government of girls aloud and all saints... the blonde one is primeminister...

    ReplyDelete
  44. What about the ginger one with the big nose is she she Minister of Ginger Conks?

    ReplyDelete
  45. i heard if you take a mix of night and day nurse during an eclipse you turn in to chevy chase... in the 90s!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Last time i played about three years ago i only missed the board once (put the cats eye out mind) do you think im in with a chance?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think you would be seeded...

      "insert gay joke here"

      Martin Adams lost to a man who died in 1971... you got to be in with a chance.

      Delete
  47. thats the one mate you got it... i think that they do a fine job too... although girls aloud have seen a dip in ticket sales since that u-turn on tuition fees.

    ReplyDelete
  48. If you mix night nurse and Day Nurse together something terrible is sure to happen they'll probably strip off their tight little nurses outfits and get down and dirty in a great naked mud wrestle in the sky over the soul of humanity which we'll all be forced to watch ...

    ReplyDelete
  49. Oh yes erroneously football erroneously bloody hell !

    ReplyDelete
  50. For erroneously read er ...bloody autonomic textual corruption faculty

    ReplyDelete
  51. about to watch the dazzler vs ermm... a guy that looks like peter griffin (more like roly from grange hill if you ask me?)... i litteraly could be more excited...

    ReplyDelete
  52. wow... bunting wins the prize for gayest darts walk in of all time....


    "lads i need a theme song to walk in to... have you got ibiza bum pirates hard house volume 5?"

    ReplyDelete
  53. crikes these chaps are so bad they have start at 2 sets all...

    ReplyDelete
  54. just seen the most solid 45 ever... it was crisp.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Ahead of Lance Armstrong's interview with Oprah, Liverpool manager Brenda Rodgers has spoken up for the disgraced cyclist saying it wasn't cheating because the officials missed it and anyone would have done the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Great win for bradford last night.

    No disgrace to villa they're a good team . Vale only beat them 1-0 in the league .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and Villa were European Champions so obviously Vale should be considered up there with Barca and Bolton.

      Delete
  57. Great win (can you call it a win after just the first leg?) for the Bantams last night - make Villa look like Cocks.
    And that was with Darby and Jones playing (one for the older readers). Also, BCFC used to have Abbot and Costello in the team.

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  58. Emerging From Gorse9 January 2013 at 12:46

    Chelsea should sign Jon Stead from Bristol City and stick him up front with Demba Ba - commentary would be good every time Ba passed to Stead. Ba-stead ba-stead ba-stead. And if loveable old JT was on the end of the move it'd be the even better ba-stead-cunt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chelsea is full of BaSteads regardless of their names.

      Delete
  59. Bradford v Swansea final would be fantastic espacially if Bradford won it although Swansea would last longer in the Europa League I remember Millwall getting there in 2004 and they enjoyed their short run in the competition

    ReplyDelete
  60. Transfer Update:

    To accompany BaStead, Chelsea a pair of defenders, including a Brazilian youngster from Braga, a veteran center back from Millwall. The left side of their back line now features Ismaily Shittu.

    ReplyDelete
  61. i heard rafa has his on English centre forward Johnny Whatabunch and legendry Irishman Paddy O'fuckincunts...

    ReplyDelete
  62. or to replace terry and cole at the back the korean pairing of... Fooking Mye and Goo Dfrens Bird...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. in yesterday's interview Rafa said Isaac Hunt and Phil McCavutee were his long term targets for Summer.

      Delete
    2. I heard QPR was planning to bring in a new starting 11, all North Koreans named Kim.

      Delete
  63. Wish I was in the audience for Oprah's interview w/ Lance.

    "You get a bag of blood! You get a bag of blood! You get a bag of blood! And you get a bag of blood!"

    Course, she could just give everyone a jab in the ass, but that would be a different show...

    ReplyDelete
  64. where's BHB? hahahahahahahahahahaha. Mickey Mouse cup anyway Bells!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe this is your boys' most recent haul of silverware, Trotts.

      http://www.amazon.com/Zak-Designs-Clubhouse-6-Piece-Setting/dp/B002FL44Y0/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt

      (Yes, I'm well aware Chelsea bought their trophies, but they are nice and shiny.)

      Delete
    2. I am here Trotts - I will have you know that last nights loss was pure tactical genius so that by having the superb Torres on for 80 minutes - we would lose, thereby not having the worry of having to play in a final for a trophy - meaning we can concentrate on the Europey league
      Honestly you supporters of lower league clubs have no idea :)

      Delete
    3. It's not about the silverware or comparisons with Bolton, it's about a billionaire rusky sacking everybody that can't meet his demands for world domination, it's about the hundreds of millions he's put into it, it's about the cunt of a club captain, the failure of his 50m striker, it's about anything that will make us chuckle at their misery in this pantomime of football, it's about John Cleese breaking down in ultimate frustration as Manuel fucks up again, it's about moments, and last night was a moment!

      Delete
    4. Well R*f* may not be popular with the Chelsea supporters but pleased he, together with Tosser & the various pantomime villans that make up the team, bring so much joy and amusement to other clubs

      Delete
    5. Now can another team f*ck up quickly please so we can take the piss out of someone else :)

      Delete
    6. I'll take all the histrionics and entertainment if it means we win. Something. Anything. Que?

      Delete
    7. oops, sorry about the 'C' word Bells!

      Delete
    8. BHB, what's your take on the Lampard situation. Even if he is getting on a bit, I think he's still worth his place in the squad if not the starting line-up playing a full 90 mins game in game out. And he scores more goals than Torres (I think) but then who doesn't? Seems Abramovitch is saying its his toy box and as he think's he's outgrown Woody he'll let the poor kid down the road ('Arry)have him!

      Spider

      Delete
    9. As you know there's so many different reports flying about but if it is true that Chelsea/Abramovich are flatly refusing to offer him (and Cole) even a years extension, then I think its absolute nuts. He may be past his absolute best - it happens to us all - but would infinitely rather him in midfield than Mikel.
      Admittedly the chances of Chelsea having being as 'successful' as they have been without Abramovichs money are on a par with Torres scoring a hat-trick every match, but you have to seriously wonder about some, most, of Romans decisions over the years. As you say its his toy box and he will do with it and its contents as he pleases!

      Delete
  65. Stoke under tony waddington had two modfielders called Trevor Sucks and Gary Cock

    ReplyDelete
  66. Hilariously Chelseas two chairmen are Bruce Buck and Peter Passthe

    ReplyDelete
  67. Chesea still damaged by abramovichs football ego and ignorance. Michu and Ba are both twice the player Torres has become. I feel sorry for him but in normal circumstances in a properly run club he would have been sold off a year ago.

    And laudrup eh wot a manager.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree with most of that, Blogs, but Laudrup hasn't really changed anything fundamental at Swansea. Their style of play (which i like) was started by Roberto Martinez, and following managers have just kept it.


      Jedi

      Delete
    2. easier said than done, jedi!

      Delete
  68. Nana Gouvea has been seen posing in Chelseas dressing room

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/worldnews/9650837/Brazilian-glamour-model-Nana-Gouveas-Superstorm-Sandy-photos-go-viral.html?image=1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. weird ... which one is the Chelsea's dressing room?

      :p

      Delete
  69. Fans revolt or ticket prices?

    "The Manchester United Supporters Trust chief executive, Duncan Drasdo, said the key issue is the disparity in prices, with fans of bigger clubs paying more compared to others"

    doh!

    So support your local non league team.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of my customers is a West Ham fan.He's refusing to go to the replay.£50 a ticket.Whereas it was £20 for season ticket holders of both teams and £25 for everyone else at The Boleyn Ground.

      But then WHU don't have an enormous debt hanging around their necks I suppose.

      Delete
    2. that is a bit steep to be honest but it costs £30 just to see Sunderland these days when the kids want to go so not surprised it's £50 for away fans at Utd

      Delete
  70. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-20972466

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/20959918

    Neither a great reflection on Ipswich Town.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Man U fans complaining about the price to go see their team.

    They've been distorting the transfer market for years, paying 30mill for defenders and signing Rooney for the same amount when he was about twelve years old. How much does van Persie make? 250 grand a week for the next four years isn't it?

    Man City fans send back almost a thousand tickets for their away clash at the Emirates because it is too expensive.

    Heh, that one broke my IronicfuckwitOmeter. They call Arsenal their feed er club, paying way over the odds for the likes of Toure, Clichy and Nasri and then pay them wages around the 200 large a week. That's not even mentioning the 30mill they paid for Ade-buy-more, who was on 250 a week when they didn't need him. They couldn't get rid of him either, they paid Real so he could play there and loaned him to Spurs where they paid three quarters of his wages eventually selling him for less then a third of what they paid and giving the player millions to get him off the books and then the fans wonder why ticket prices are too high??? Modderfokkers per-lease.

    ===
    Problem is, I pretty much agree with them, the prices are ridiculous, a ticket on the first tier for Arsenal v City is 126 quid and that's not from a tout, that's face value, that's beyond fucking ridiculous, I showed that to a few mates over here who attend games regularily and they told me that that is almost the same price for their entire season ticket.

    A reduction in admission prices will only occour once a proper wage cap is introduced, I don't believe for a second that the FFP rules will make a blind bit of difference, the rich clubs will find a way to piss all over those rules, e.g PSG funding their own sponsership for 150mill and Citeh paying their own stadium naming rights for 400mil. If the oil funded and financialy doped clubs are allowed to continue to distort the market then it won't be too long before almost all but the very wealthy will be priced out of the game, we're pretty much almost there now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wont be long before chelsea sponsor themselves to the tune of £1 billion to wear the name "Chelsea FC" on their shirts H

      its supply and demand though aint it esp sincce gentrification. at least in the old days of standing on the wall at the back of the bycars end in fear of your life from the hooligans in the opposite end as much as the tin roof, wretching from the pies as much as the stench from the open air toilets, watching fat blokes hoof it out of the mud to the big lad up front, at least in those days prices were reasonable. more fun n'all.

      modern life is civilising the fun out of everything imho and then making you pay triple.

      Delete
    2. the golden age was a hundred lads kicking each other to death over a bulls testicle that they had to kick two miles to the opposing village, youd be lucky if you escaped with just a broken leg but it was all free and what a laugh..those were the days

      Delete
    3. 126 quid? Fuck me! They'll be having private seat licenses next, just like the NFL. Stump up 50 grand for your right to buy the tickets for that seat at each game! Four years to pay though and you can get the back row of the top deck for a mere 10 grand, it's like watching from the blimp!

      Delete
    4. Watching from the blimp costs and extra 75k/yr.

      And bull testicles? Was that before or after the whelks?

      Delete
  72. Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers wants his scouts to make the most of the wealth of emerging talent on their own doorstep.
    Full story: Daily Mail
    ===
    I think Everton will want to keep their players.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better than making do with what will be coming through the door with the mail, if former employees/thugs are to be believed.

      Delete
    2. it's a good idea, they'll save the bus fares Mr. Bumble.

      Delete
  73. I see Michael Appleton is going from the easiest job in football to the stupidest

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Having just come from managing Portsmouth a few months ago. Keep this up and he'll be at chelsea soon.

      Delete
  74. Sneijder to galatasary ?? WTF??? Wasn't he the one that everyone from Man U to Anzi wanted?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so, no "Dutch reunion" at Manchester United, then? ... instead, it's going to be Lampard

      wonder if Man U are becoming the AC Milan of the premier league ... elder players like it there, eh ... hehe

      Delete
  75. Well have just flitted over to Daily Mail website cos no-one else is out to play on here today and there was an article on 70s food and now I am going to HAVE to stop off and buy some Butterscotch Angel Delight on my way home ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if you can't find it Bells, just put a lump of butter in your Scotch, and stir!

      Delete
    2. Easy to find at ASDA - lovely stuff that is. Not like Blancmange and Tapioca which I never really took to

      Delete
    3. Trotts I may stick to just putting ice in the scotch, but very much appreciate your thoughtful suggestion

      With you the Tapioca Adam - but used to love chocolate blamange, minus the skin which 'Mummy' BHB used to make in a rabbit mould

      Delete
    4. what about gin and angel delight or vodka orangina, bhb. the markets ripe for new retro drink, nostalgia with a dash of drunkedness a heady cocktail - somone has to invent it and i nominate you. creme de menthe with a twist of Birds custard. black forest chartreuse. christ those monks were pissheads. bacon lager with a curly whirly. 10 000 cadburys creme eggs washed down with a pint of old scruttocks original or my own favourite, a fray bentos pie in a tin, liquidised, knocked back in one with a splash of cherry brandy

      Delete
    5. I see I was being a bit of a traditionalist, spurning Trotts's suggestion. I have since gone for a cocktail Tizer, Ambrosia Rice pudding and Baileys topped with prawn cocktail. Yummy

      I will let you all know on Monday whether it was worth being late back from lunch in my quest for Butterscotch Angel Delight. I can tell you are all desperate to know ...

      Delete
    6. With a name like yours, you should go for Blue Hells Bols as a base, perhaps with some egg custard and chocolate sprinkles plus a steve mclaren umbrella to top it off.

      Delete
    7. No BHB - it should be white blancmange in the rabbit mold - turned out onto a bed of green jelly!

      (50 going on 5)

      Delete
    8. I'll have one of those vodkaoranginas, but you can keep your mouldy rabbit.

      Delete
  76. admittingly, we had those problems with suarez at ajax too, but the ajax crowd doesnt like that kind of play, so most of it was stamped out after some time
    from what i understood its the way theyre raised in south america in football, to win at all costs
    i dont like the diving and biting in necks, but still i love and many ajax fans with me what he was for us, lots of passion for the club and not unimportantly lots of goals
    so yea theres a job for coach and fans if they want those antics gone
    allways enjoy your columns

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. gave mijn fiets terug! no seriously my bike was nicked in delft and i want it back

      Delete
    2. didn't he bite someones ear at AJax

      Delete
    3. Yeah, Vincent van David NGogh, I believe his name was.

      Delete
    4. or was it Evandam den Holanfeld?

      Delete
  77. sorry just saw the ODI score that should read

    football 2 cricket 1

    ReplyDelete
  78. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-20990965

    I suspect we all have a list of candidates who are in desperate need of a new puppy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Cardiff Blues spokesman said: "Jason rang to say what happened - he's in the doghouse."

      I never credited Cardiff with a sense of humour before (they always took themselves too seriously), but that is a good one.

      Delete
  79. Thank you ol purple face for doing the team talk! Seeing as shrek, the welsh brother of the year!, and the forgetful piss in a pot guy never court a lil' controversy?
    Bisq

    ReplyDelete
  80. 6 pointer at the top vs the Gills.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Will be keeping a watch, of course

      Delete
  81. I almost choked on my breakfast just reading the title to this one:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/20995372

    Master of understatement, he is.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Joey Barton, wise old sage, could be the next Dali Lama.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Valiant effort, top again

    and another shitloss at home,still 4th

    ReplyDelete
  84. I remember seeing a Dali Llama at the art zoo once. It was a spitting image of the surreal thing.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Considerations tone

    Meanwhile...

    Starfire your boys took of helluva beating..

    Tom pope ..formerly of tones parish..is on course for 40 goals this season

    ReplyDelete
  86. Blog, is this day better than the previous best ever day in the world that made up for everything bad that ever happened in your life? Well done Vale!

    ReplyDelete
  87. NAh trott . I guess its the habituation factor in human psychology. Vale top again. Yawn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. now you know how ManU fans feel! Does perpetual glory lead one to deeper and more meaningful objectives?

      Delete
    2. Look on my works ye Mighty and despair.

      Delete
  88. mais où sont les neiges d'antan?

    ReplyDelete
  89. le neige a fondu et il est maintenant temps pour une ou deux bière

    ReplyDelete
  90. Où est la très sage Helloïs,
    Pour qui fut chastré et puis moyne.

    Didn't he play for Liverpool?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. he was prepared to cut his own knackers off, so he probably did, yes

      Delete
    2. doesn't seem fair does it. Andy Carroll only got an ankle bracelet.

      Delete
  91. TRANSFER LATEST
    Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers is tracking Bolton's fit-again winger Lee Chung-yong, according to the Daily Star.
    -------------------------------
    Fair enough, seeing as you have had to put up with Ngog for a couple years now.

    ReplyDelete
  92. The link name gives away what happened, but that and the commentary still don't make the video clip any more believable. Watch and wonder.

    http://nba.si.com/2013/01/12/video-hawks-fans-half-court-heave-rests-perfectly-on-rim/?sct=hp_t2_a15&eref=sihp

    ReplyDelete
  93. Dont go out lads, its MADNESS all around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what are you Suggs-esting spits?

      Delete
    2. it's not that bad I've Been Driving In My Car

      Delete
  94. Typical of what you get from Sturridge...gets in the right place at the right time to slot in a goal when we looked like getting hammered out of the ground, and then when that gets us going misses two equally easy/difficult chances to get us the game.
    ----------
    Why the heck was Koscielny playing instead of Mertesacker anyway? The german has been pretty decent of late.

    ReplyDelete
  95. New blog up H, cheers mate :D

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
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