Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Footy Fatigue


Big apologies from Teesside for a lack of communication in the past week and a half. This has a little to do with the God-awful form of Middlesbrough, a bout of flu which has left me only slightly less weak than my beloved Boro, and the ever-creeping fear that there may be – I say may be – something more to life than sport.

 
This hit me in the solar plexus on Sunday when, confronted by Cup finalists more plucky than a boxful of tweezers, I found myself staring unmoved at my television screen. Even the more than worthy claret-and-amber scarves raised in exultation at the hammering their team was undergoing didn’t quite moisten the eye. But then of course, remembering those that died in the Bradford City fire did leave me blubbing.

 
On the same weekend, Frank Lampard’s missed penalty should have raised a chuckle, but all I could muster was a hissed ‘you cock’ before returning to my honey and lemon (with a Johnnie Walker chaser). The two fine City strikes that won the game might have caused a ripple of respect once upon a time, but these days I just think ‘on the money you’re on you should be able to fire a 35-yard screamer out of your back passage you mercenary bastards.’

 
Gareth Bale’s predatory free-kicks? Well, yes, I suppose it’s okay but it’s these damn silly lightweight footballs they use that move around 50p plastic jobbies from Seaton Carew beach shop. That Ronaldo header where he hung in the air like a… like a kestrel (?)… ah come on, he wasn’t defying the laws of physics. He’s just a good header of a football and that’s an art that Barcelona have almost dismissed from the game.

 
Of course I should be writing my 53rd blog about the end of Arsene Wenger – and it’s difficult to work out which end he talks out of these days. Arsenal could still come second? And Oscar Pistorius could still be found innocent. And the parmo is the healthiest food known to man.


It appears Wenger is unsackable. In fact the only thing Wenger’s won in the last eight years is the club’s bollocks and he holds on to them with a truly Alsatian grip. Van Persie, I read today, was sold to keep Arsenal in the black. And in the blackest of moods. Put simply they’re not very good. Much of that is down to the manager’s purchases: Mertesacker defends like a newborn foal; Podolski is as reliable as a hedgehog’s condom; and Wenger gives Walcott his centre-forward head on the same night as Arsenal’s back four start favouring more than the odd long ball.

Wenger can snap away like a strange grey spoddy prefect from a well-to-do grammar school but frankly he needs to start answering questions.

There are other managers stomping around the upper echelons of the Premier League who I wouldn’t mind covering in jam and leaving out near the bins on an August night – I’ll do it for Comic Relief! (Not Sport Relief – I suggested that I’d do a sponsored watch of Boro v Bolton 2004 for that bleeding charity – that was the sport bit covered. The relief bit had summat to do with Victoria Pendleton and I never heard back from them.)

Those managers are, in no particular order (much as their teams are) Roberto Mancini and Rafael Benitez.

Mancini had the audacity to claim last week that he was the best manager in England. He’s the best manager from England Who Looks Like He Has Been Photographed For A Headshot Outside A Continental Barbers.in 1987. In the close season this genius bought Scott Sinclair and Jack Rodwell. What do you get the club who has everything? I dunno, but neither of them two for a start.

This season he’s been slating his players for being crap. But I don’t think it helps when your very decent strikers have to play second fiddle to Loopy Mario, a man who could make Mother Theresa reach for the c-word.

Mancini is, however, a man with the same rational rigour as Stephen Hawking when compared with the Spanish toad in charge at Chelsea. I’m still in shock that he’s there. He said he’d never go; Chelsea fans despise him; he always knew it was short term. The reason he is there is twofold: greed, and arrogance. Any honest person in that job would pour a bucket of faeces over himself before even going in to work, for you might as well get your retaliation in first.

Unless Mourinho can be charmed back, there is no way forward for Chelsea at the moment.

But even then, these clubs will be pretty much the top five (plus Spurs). The good ‘uns, run by the realists, the Moyeses, the Clarkes, the Martinezes, they’ll all be scrabbling around for the crumbs of comfort that have fallen off the top table. Thank heavens for Swansea, I suppose.

So though the game itself remains addictive – and you only have to walk past a park kickabout to know that to be true – the people in it these days are so often the opposite: a bit repellent, delusional, and ridiculously wealthy to boot.

On top of it all, the man whose career is one of undeniable sustained brilliance – the best manager British football has ever know – is not the most graceful human being of all time. But at least he wins stuff.

And while I sit with me head over a bowl of steaming water laced with eucalyptus (that’s the stuff koalas eat and a lot of them have got chlamydia, so God knows how that’s going to help) and I listen to the jaded sneer of Alan Green, or the improbable insight of Andy Townsend, I realise that I have just about had it up to the back teeth with it. Football.

Then again, we might beat Chelsea tonight. And get promoted via the play-offs. So I’ll just wait a while before turning my back on the lot of them. Now where’s that bastard benylin?

219 comments:

  1. after a long time, i get to go first..... regular reader - never posted....

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  2. serves the koalas right for sleeping with katie price

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  3. Wenger really does get away with it! I'm glad somebody else agrees. Whilst I do believe that the 'managerial conveyor belt' (please excuse my lazy, cliched turn of phrase a la Messrs Townshend and Tyldesly) is ridiculous, it is also ridiculous to stick with a man who has, year-on-year, for 8 of the buggers, delivered nothing and actually got worse.

    I cannot think for one second that the Arsenal fans were happy to see RVP go, especially when he's replaced by a combination of a dwarfish sprinter with no touch, a past it German centre forward who would fit in better at my club of choice, QPR, and the occasional spray of an unproven French lad.

    The Professor looks more like a third class student these days. Why don't they just get rid?!

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  4. Enjoyed the Blog, get well soon!

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  5. i still don't get the rafa hatred. can anyone explain? so far he hasn't done bad things ... has he?

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    1. Stems back from the days of Liverpool and him guiding them past Chelsea in the latter stages of the Champions League from what I can see. That and his grip on reality is about as solid as the average footballer's morals.

      -

      James.

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    2. I have a sheet of facts that could explain it but if I did my team might implode

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. I'm back... not with a borrowed stick either. After 3 months, 3 application forms and 2 companies I am actually back online .

    Not a lot has changed in 3 months... same posters, same words, just rearranged differently... great to be back.

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  8. Well the odd hiccup aside Spurs are still rolling along nicely though I'm waiting for the inevitable fubar that comes around about now to stuff our season up, especially as Bale's decided to do a Robbie Keane and insist we're better than Arsenal now right before the derby.

    Wasn't too sure about AVB when he first pitched up but I did say to myself if we wind up where we have the past couple of seasons it's not bad going.

    Oh well, never know, I might be pleasantly surprised and we come up and overhaul City.

    (Geeze, did I just type that right after questioning Rafa's grip on reality?)

    -

    James.

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  9. Brilliant blog Robbo, even from your death bed. A ponderous piece for the anals.

    Welcome back Bo.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure how the Liverpool centerbacks hanging around Robbo's backside will help him recover.

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  10. You're drinking Johnie Walker?

    No wonder you're sick, get a decent drop of highland juice in, not that generic crap.

    Any roader, get well soon.

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  11. A little known remedy for such a severe illness Robbo, is to post a picture of whoever the current Real Madrid manager might be .. I am obviously only thinking about your wellbeing.

    and Welcome Back Bo !


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  12. Good to have you back Bo.

    And wassup Spits.

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  13. Outperforming others even while less than 100%, just like (take your pick).

    Maybe the chlamydia had something to do with nixing Victoria Pendleton.

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  14. a different spelling of "feces" on this side of the Atlantic. It's a load o' shit whichever way you slice it.

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    Replies
    1. Just avoid slicing it, Trott.

      Another top blog Robbo, get well soon! Looks like that "manflu" is the real thing if it puts you off footie! But can you please post a picture of the next City manager to keep Bells quiet (you heard it here first, or second, or whatever). One point: surely parmos are the stuff of life?

      As a Spurs fan, I'm very happy to see R*f* stay in charge at Chelski long term (in Abramovich terms, that means the rest of the season), but he won't if he's had a bust up with the second biggest c0ck at the club (JT: Roman is the biggest; R*f* and Cashley fighting it out for 3rd). Also always happy to see the Gooners on the slide (and, yes, I'm tempting fate ahead of the NLD). We keep getting told the Prof has this pile of cash to spend, but, unless the Gooners can get CL football, this summer won't be a good time to spend it.


      Jedi

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  15. Bo knows... persistence in Internet service provision attempts.

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  16. And there was me thinking that as it was half term you'd taken the ankle-biters off to the caravan. Instead you've got man-flu (not to be confused with either ManU-flu, where you can't tell the time or ManC-flu where you blame everyone else for your errors). Robbo, if this is the quality of your blog when you're at death's door, please stay ill! Moyes now odd-on to succeed SAF after spat with ref over "Fergie" time.

    Spider

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  17. Van Persie, I read today, was sold to keep Arsenal in the black.

    Whoever wrote that was a scaremunger, a shit stirer, a fabricater or just plain and simple an idiot.

    RvP wanted to go, he agitated the move. He was heading for thirty, in the form of his life and knew that he could pretty much demand his own terms and that his next contract would be his biggest and his last. Citeh offered him stupid money, Utd matched it, he chose them and the rest is history. Arsenal could have made him honour his contract, but you know as well as I do that that is just not how it works in the mad world of football.

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    1. Absolutely. He felt that Arsenal weren't able to match his ambition (rightly or wrongly) and wanted to be the main man somewhere else rather than be part of a worst striker gets to play with Aguero rotation system.

      It's a shame that Wenger didn't source a better replacement than Giroud especially given Demba Ba would have suited them and he went to Chelsea

      Perversley watch him sign Torres in the summer and turn him back into a 30 goals a season striker again

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    2. Demba Ba would of never passed the medicle at the Emirates.

      Girouds no RvP, but for a first seaon striker in the PL his stats aren't that bad.

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    3. Oddly I think Giroud's problem is, that he is trying too hard!

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    4. His major problem is people comparing him to van Persie.

      But I do agree that he's over eagre to please, not such a bad thing, because the effort is there.

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  18. Have just checked out the FFL and I can safely say in terms of managing a team that is sliding rapidly down the tables, I think I am more than qualified to apply for the hopefully soon-to-be-available temporary, short-term, interim post as Chelseas manager.

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    1. Without being sexist, BHB, would it then be a case of a left tit (or, rather, a blue tit) replacing a right tit?

      Spider

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    2. yes something along those lines Spider, I may have made a couple of boobies in my FFL team selection but current manager is indeed a right tit (Mr BHB might actually choose to use a different part of the anatomy to describe him)

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  19. Management league. Micky adams in at number 10.
    It's offocial - mancini is the 4th best manager in england
    benitez, rvb, dougie freeman even are all in the running

    no sign of wenger or rogers....but who's top? guess.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21372441

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    1. Why is Benitez listed? The article says "full-time" and he's just interim. Even w/o the official tag, any Chelsea manager would be in the same boat.

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  20. oh and welcome back Bo

    thought you were a gonner Bo (as opposed to a gooner) but then realised i was just misreading the headline

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8498534.stm

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  21. The last Bo, The last of the Mohicans, The last of the Summer wine, The last Gooner. It's all great television!

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  22. the Gooner Show was good trott

    Eccles, why are you selling that star player?

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    1. Would that make AW Neddy All-at-Sea-goon?

      Spider

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    2. Harry Secombe and Peter Sellers would do well in the centre of the Gooner back four.

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  23. As a U*ited supporter since Bobby Charlton was a player, I remember we went on a bit of a manager merry-go-round before settling on the One (sorry BHB, but while the Special One is prettier, he is not "the" One). Not sure what is going to happen when he does leave - I just hope we can be patient with his replacement if the results do dip for a couple of years.

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    1. You have Keanu Reeves ?? Surely in for the treble then.

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    2. I dunno, his mobility is not what it was - he's lost some of his Speed......

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    3. That's a relief, Anon, with all these smug gits talking about their 40th birthdays, I was feeling like Victor Meldrew. Manu actually got relegated and, despite the best efforts of Big Ron, never won the league until SAF and his "kids" - and even SAF had a rocky start, losing to Oxford United! Perhaps they're grooming one of the "kids" to take over whilst SAF takes a back seat. The worst case scenario would be an outsider taking over with SAF still on the scene in some honourary capacity and, ego-wise, I'm not sure any of the usual suspects would stand for it.

      Spider

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  24. Rafa is one cocky bastard. Everyone going on about how he loses his job if we doesn't win and this is his starting 11 -
    ---------------
    Chelsea: Cech, Ferreira, Ivanovic, Terry, Bertrand, Ake, Ramires, Moses, Oscar, Benayoun, Torres.

    ----------
    Who the hell is Ake ??

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    1. Or is he the guy from the deoderant.

      The Ake effect.

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    2. Turns out he's the guy with the Ake-Brake heart. At least thats how the American commentators pronounce his name.

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    3. "At least that's how the American commentators pronounce his name."

      So we know that's not right, then.

      And I don't think Rafa is a cocky bastard. Just a bastard.

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  25. On Her Majesty's Secret Service, indeed...

    http://tracking.si.com/2013/02/27/barcelona-manager-ronaldinho-josep-guardiola-spied-players-soccer/?sct=hp_t2_a9&eref=sihp

    http://msn.foxsports.com/foxsoccer/laliga/story/josep-guardiola-reportedly-hired-detectives-to-spy-on-barcelona-players-022613

    Guardiola is rumored to be shaken, but not stirred, by the revelations.

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  26. Might as well leave now. Who's next?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21611064

    Ooh... can we do this pope-style? Or will it be a white flag instead of white smoke?

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  27. "people blighted by pessimism and fear for the future are more likely to live longer, according to scientists."

    i may be immortal

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  28. It's awesome designed for me to have a web site, which is valuable designed for my knowledge. thanks admin

    Have a look at my web site; http://widawiki.Wiso.uni-dortmund.de/index.php?title=Benutzer:StefanDan

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    1. Thanks for that wiki post, General Obasanja, sorry to hear of the problems youre having getting your money out of the country - i have forwarded you £2000. look forawrds to hearing from you, sir.

      Delete
  29. We seem to have an infestation! ^

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  30. Well, I for one thoroughly enjoyed R*f*'s Rant last night. Looks like he's losing it again. R*f*, let's face it, you knew what was in the contract when you signed it, and you did so because you were in Yozzer Hughes mode ("Gissa job. Any job") at the time.

    Sorry, Bells, but I think M**rinho knows far too much about how Roman operates to go back to Chelsea (I'm guessing City to replace Mancini, which would be a lot of fun). In fact, there is only one candidate who can pension off the "old guard" (JT, Cashley, Fwank, Cech), and that's JT (otherwise JT will continue to go about spreading his poison from the dressing room). I look forward to the fall out when he does the dirty on his (former) best mates.

    Spider, yeah, I remember ManU getting relegated (Spurs had the same thing after Nicholson went). Mind you, I'm coming up for 55 and can remember going to WHL when Bill was in the dugout.

    One last point, I see United are going on a pre-season tour of Thailand, because, according to David Gill, there are 19.5m United fans there. That's 30% of the entire population. Really?


    Jedi

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    1. and thats just the Ladyboys, jedi. the other 38 million are also man u fans. its the law in thailand.

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    2. The problem with measuring far east support is they are more followers than fans and often associate themselves with 1 or more teams for example they may identify with Man Utd in a poll but also indicate support for Real Madrid or barcelona but if they are buying merchandise and TV rights then a few matches there will probably help that increase

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    3. A premier league shirt is the costume of choice based on my limited experience of Thailand, although I remember as many 'Pool shirts as U*ited (that was a few years ago now). They are footy mad though. Wasn't Thaksin Shinawatra the first of the foreign owners? If he hadn't been caught (out in his corruption he would probably have been spoken of in the same terms as a certain Chelski owner...

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  31. so why is rafa sooo unpopular. his record is impressive. he can clearly do the job and he doesnt buckle steve mcclaren style to player power eg terry.

    well he was a bit rude to chelsea when mourinho was there, apparently. he was doing his job.

    no the real reason imo that rafa is unpopular is that he's cunningly wheedling. his rant against "interim" tag is another example. he knew he was temporary when he took the job. as a cople of poeple above have said, all chelsea managers are interim. it wont do him any good within the club to go public with this gripe so he's clearly thinking ahead to his next over-paid post- he's blaming the interim tag for undermining his authority and therefore excuses any under-performance.

    it's calculated. cunning and wheedling. he's thinking of himself and the next job. and if he gets sacked early im sure he thinks - so much the better.

    thats why people dislike rafa.

    and yes and he's boring.

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    1. so, personality counts in english football... interesting thing is that, rafa is disliked by "his own" e.g. chelsea fans; whereas player like luis suarez is disliked by everyone *but* "his own" e.g. liverpool fans

      i don't dislike rafa though; i think he's one of top managers in the world, knows his tactics and use players at his disposal. he should probably go germany in may, see if he can outsmart pep over there

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    2. It is cunning Blogs, but the problem is that he is not as cunning as he thinks he is. I just hope he lasts long enough to meet Fergie in the next round of the FA Cup. That interview should be full of fun facts.

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  32. Why when you are being paid a small fortune for managing a club that you said you would never manage - would you or your agent bother to read the small print of something like the job description/title ..

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    1. Particularly, I suppose, if you were in Yozzer Hughes mode at the time ("Gissa job. Any job") as Rafa was. He'd got fired from his previous job (at Inter) about 2 years before, having issued a "back me (in the transfer market) or sack me" ultimatum to Massimo Moratti, never good for long term employment, especially with Benitez' record in the transfer market.

      To be fair to Rafa (tricky), Chelsea are not manageable at the moment, because they need to move "certain players" (JT, Cashley, Fwank and Cech) on to move forward, and those players have more power than the manager, and have had for several years. Terry in particular has ambitions to manage the club, and is a poisonous toe-rag, happy to undermine anyone he thinks is getting in his way. So, make him manager and see how he gets on with stabbing his "best mates" in the back. Probably very well.


      Jedi

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  33. Lancashire have announced their ground will be known as Emirates Old Trafford for the next 10 years after striking a major sponsorship deal.

    not long now until we're officically the Emirates United Kingdom

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    1. is that so Arsenals top players get confused and can say they just got lost on the way to the cricket when Fergie signs them?

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  34. The mummified heart of King Richard I has been analysed by forensic experts.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-21609783

    What is the point? - do they think they will find an actual Lion in it or something?

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    1. They're probably checking it for horsemeat.

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  35. Good news for Bells?

    http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/chelsea-confident-of-reappointing-jose-mourinho-in-the-summer-with-avram-grant-in-line-to-take-charge-until-the-end-of-the-season-8514896.html

    And i don't mean old misery guts.


    Jedi

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    1. Bells, you can't be happy with all the premature evacuations. A sorry state of affairs. Rest assured there's some comiserations inbetween the chuckles.

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    2. So Avram Grant is willing to be the Interim replacement for the Interim Manager ?

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    3. R*f* says he's not going early!

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21622540

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  36. As much as I dislike R*f* , just pointing out my feelings incase you weren't sure of them, I do find it absolutely ridiculous that we are on course for a fourth manager/interim manager within the space of a year if he is fired at the weekend. It's once thing criticising the fans for a bit of 'friendly banter' but when you start on the boss ... (and in this instance I don't mean JT)

    Not that RA does give a shit about what anyone thinks, otherwise he wouldn't of appointted The Spanish Waiter in first place, but it must be particularly galling to see the man you sacked a year ago is managing the team above you in the league (albeit by only 2 points)

    And yes Jedi I would be fit to burst with excitement on the return of The Yummy One - whether its putting up with El Fatso Waitero or Mr Personality of a Slug for the rest of the season


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    1. question is who is going to slip over in the Europa League shoot out if Baron Greenback takes over - will JT volunteer again

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  37. Chelsea are a joke. I actually feel sorry for their real fans, the ones that were around before all the shady sheckles came in. Yes, the dosh has brought in some trophies and glory, but at what price?

    The off field antics of certain players and the trigger happy hiring and firing policy of the owner have irrepairably damaged the image of a once proud institution.

    I've never really been a fan of Rafa, but he does kind of have a point, the so called fans that boo him really aren't doing anyone any favours, although by chastating them and having a dig at the board in the same interview he's probably dug his own grave. (Undertaker indeed Trott) Don't get me wrong, the fans have every right to vent their frustrations, it just seems to me that they are directing their ire at the wrong person.

    I get the fact that he's not a particulary well liked man at the Bridge due to his battles with Maureen, but that's done and dusted now, would the Chelsea faithful have reacted the same way had Gerrard came to play there? They don't seem to have a problem with Torres, he was at Liverpool too, wasn't he? Yeah, he might of talked a bit of smack about Chelsea, but that's what happens in the heat of battle, it's all part of the game.

    What I can't understand is why the protests aren't aimed at the board or the megalomaniac owner, they're the ones that fired the popular RdM (and countless others), they hired Rafa, surely they must of known that it would cause some fallouts, but they obviously didn't give a toss about what Joe Q Public thinks.

    Does RA run such a totaletaeian regime that even the fans are scared to question him for fear that he'll pick up his roebels and run? Not exactly a healthy place to be is it? Who'da thought it, a down side to all that lovely "free" money.

    If Rafa does go, he'll be the second Champions League winning manager to get the tic-tac in a single season, that's some going, even for RA. Bringing back Grant would just be the icing on a cake layered with ridiculous.

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    1. The trigger happy approach at Chelski isn't just the owner H2. It goes all the way to the full back.

      Other than that, your post is about right. I think there is a deal that Chelsea fans won't criticise Roman, and he'll keep putting money in. Roman does have certain health issues, but should be fine so long as he keeps well away from Vladimir Putin.

      The central problem at Chelsea as I see it is that, in order to renew the team and take it forward, they need to pension off certain players. Those players have been at the club since the start of its most successful era, and(understandably) are reluctant to lose their very lucrative contracts.

      So, those players talk to the owner, and don't give their best for the manager, so team performance suffers and the manager gets sacked.

      How do you get out of that cycle? Either the owner tells those players to f**k off, or he makes one of them manager (and at least one of them is known to have ambitions in that direction). Let him sort it out. If he has to "stab his mates in the back" I don't suppose it would be a problem for some of the candidates (others would use a pistol).

      Much as I enjoy the chaos at Chelsea, it has to be sorted out, surely?


      Jedi

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  38. From Jedi's earlier link...

    "Should Benitez be sacked after this weekend's game"

    Yes. Oh, wait...

    "Should Benitez be sacked after this weekend's game, he would become the third manager in a row to be fired by Roman Abramovich following a fixture against the Baggies. Both Roberto di Matteo and Andre Villas-Boas left after playing the Midlands side."

    So our immediate focus for long-term stability shouldn't be on winning in Europe, but instead on getting West Brom relegated.

    "While Grant, who has recently been pictured attending matches at Stamford Bridge, is in line to take temporary charge..."

    Uh... lots of people have been pictured attending matches at Stamford Bridge. Does this mean your match ticket is now also a raffle ticket for entry into the MegaMinions Lottery?

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    1. I think Baron Greenback was in the owner's box, so to speak (oo err missus).


      Jedi

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  39. so, it's the Undertaker handing over to the grave digger so all the gold diggers can carry on regardless of the autopsy results. Morticia up next eh.

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  40. I have not seen any football results for 3 months so i was pleasantly surprised to see the gunners in fifth spot. The last time I watched them they were playing shit football and somewhere mid table.

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    1. They are only 5th because West Brom and Everton have fallen away. Their results are so inconsistant they are driving H2H round the bend. Home wins against Newcastle (7 - 3) and West Ham (5 - 1) are balanced out by a home loss to Swansea (0 - 2), being dumped out of the League Cup by Bradford City and out of the FA Cup by Blackburn. They are on a run of 3 PL wins but that's only against Stoke, Sunderland and Villa. Fortunately the Chelski comedy show is taking the heat off AW.

      Spider

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  41. Sorry to read about the last Bo. Maybe I unwittingly speak the language... more times than not I am the only one who knows what I am talking about.

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    1. This is exactly the eutopic state that I've been hoping to achieve Bo (if I read you correctly).

      There's a petition in the USA to have Piers Morgan banished. The first step might be accomplished, he's up against Lawro in the prediction game this weekend! This is how he begins rebuilding his image in the UK? A good result should put him in the frame for the Chelsea job.

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    2. I can assure you there's more signatures on the petition over here to keep Piers Morgan over there Trotts

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    3. Roman has opened a home for former Chelsea managers in Siberia, that might be a good place for Piers.

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    4. I know Siberia is a very large place but is it really big enough for all of them AND Piers ego?

      Delete
    5. The US doesn't want Piers Morgan, and we don't want him back. A traditional British compromise is needed. Bring him half way back, then chuck him off the boat, and see how well he can swim with those bricks tied to him.

      Simples.


      Jedi

      Delete
  42. Abramovich has lost the plot. What is Benitez doing at Chelsea? It's embarrassing...

    ReplyDelete
  43. WE'RE DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

    Lawro predicting a two -one away win in the NLD, while the biggest knobend in the meeja is saying we'll score eight.

    FUCK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's hope so.


      Jedi

      Delete
  44. Never mind everything else, the important question really at this point is whether SAF is going to risk playing RvP against Norwich with the big game looming, or should someone else be my FFL captain? I thought of plumping for Bale, but can he(or anyone else) really keep up his scoring rate, specially against Arsenal ???

    ReplyDelete
  45. Romanov Amramovitch's west London empire is deeply unEnglish but a really interesting insight into Russian autocratic government, a style of government which despite communism and perestroika seems unchanged since the Czars....

    Czar Romanov is a remote sinister all powerful leader prone equally to benevolence and to impulsive and destructive acts. Fabulous and unaccountable wealth. Fantastic looking girlfriend. A sentimental and uncomprehending love of beauty which seems a characteristic of all brutal dictators - Chelskis midfield at the moment is as delicate and ornate as a Faberge egg.

    John Terry is the Stamford Bridge Rasputin of course.. but let's lend a thought to the down trodden and fearful peasants, the fans, who know they're being oppressed ripped of and lured to, but who enjoy their army's success in the foreign wars and who don't want to risk losing the little pride they've got left

    Monty python and the holy grail...
    They're the peasants..
    How can you tell?
    They're covered in shit.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Only an abject fool, a mercenary or someone with an ego the size of a planet would consider the Chelsea job. So Piers Morgan with 3/3 is ahead of Jose in the qualified candidates to replace Rafa.

    I wonder what the FA sanction for mooning the supporters would be? Be a cracking way for Rafa to depart (no pun intended). Go on Rafa - you know you want to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He should have done it at the City game, a full blue moon!

      Delete
  47. Attendances in the Singapore league are so low the players have started going round knocking on doors to try to entice new fans to matches. They average 932 spectators a match.
    Full story: BBC Radio 5 live's 606 newsletter


    That's still more then at The Riverside. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rob Cowling col u owner take note

      Delete
  48. Real Madrid's former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho, 50, is to have a street named after him in his native Portugal.
    Full story: the Independent


    Totaltwat Street does have a nice ring to it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Special Street.... Sounds like where they house footballers with learning difficulties aka footballers.

      Delete
    2. i googled totaltwat street and it seems as if the name is available worldwide. What did come up was a great read entitled "total twat of a date" which will offer a few chuckles!

      Delete
    3. well, she's chuggin the lager and lime, then slammin' back the southern comfort before usin' the old pass out and face plant routine to avoid the goodnight ceremonies, it's deffo one to put down to experience! At least he got through the night without losin his 'ub caps.

      Delete
    4. Passed out and face down means the good night ceremonies can begin.

      (That's a joke, before I get labled a degenerate)

      Delete
    5. Evan though I am pretty degenerated.

      As Roger Daltry once sang;

      I'm talking 'bout my degeneration.

      Delete
  49. Brilliant blog, Robbo. And exactly how I was feeling at the start of the season. I've warmed to the game a little since then, but the rugby league season starts here on Thursday night, so the football will be placed on the back burner again.

    H, I saw Lawro's prediction for the NLD and thought 'it's in the bag'. I reckon a 2-2 will be the result, although that's dependent on Adebayor not getting sent off. If I were AVB, I'd be tempted not to play him just in case - it's not as if you'd notice if he was playing or not anyway. Just put Dempsey up top on his own, he has a slightly higher work rate, and a slightly higher chance of actually scoring.

    Getting a bit fed up with all this media bullshit over Bale being the 3rd best player in the world. Just shows how myopic the British media are. Yes, Messi and Ronaldo are streets ahead, but to suggest that that automatically puts Bale in third place is ridiculous. Iniesta, Xavi and Falcao are all better, and I'm sure there are plenty more that I can't think of at the moment. On form, he may be the best at the moment in the Premiership, but he's a long way behind the likes of Mata, Silva, Cazorla in terms of ability.

    ReplyDelete
  50. These аre аlso avaіlаble with ΡTΟ Dеlaу featuгe
    whісh automаtically open tank internal ѵalve fоr 5 secondѕ рriοг to еngaging
    PTΟ alloωing pump and product lines to
    charge prevіewing interval νalve slug. Intеrnal or External Sounԁ Mixer
    "All windows systems come with a internet sound mixer they all differ so you may need to review your manual or online sources to figure out how to enable or use it. A MOBILE APP GIVES THE STATION A DIRECT MARKETING CHANNEL TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR LISTENERS.

    my homepage: www.ereddit.info

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why does this spammer make his "w" look like a pair of boobs.

      Is it because he's a total tit as well?

      Delete
  51. That a the most sensible post I've read on here in fuckin years

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Quick ban it - can't have that sort of thing going on (I even know what one of those is it's ridiculous

      Delete
  52. If Maureen does take the Chelsea job he should demand a clause in the contract.. Polonium 210 on Avram grants corn.FLakes ..I mean what a twat.

    ReplyDelete
  53. There's a plan before the council to turn Stamford Bridge into a 3 ringed circus.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I've got dibs on the next Chelsea job.

    I went to the trouble of taking an 8pt penalty to pick up Bale and Baines. Then apparently I somehow didn't start either of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doesnt matter now does it with Capt Suarez doing the job for you. Suarez, Spearing, Ngog...Liverpool players doing the job everywhere.

      Loved the the 'there's only one Rafa' chants from the Liverpool fans. Wonder if they realized they were away at Wigan.

      Delete
  55. I give you the finest idea EVER made.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-21640720

    ReplyDelete
  56. our ex Liverpool greats are scoring for fun. The fantastic Ngog and the splendid Spearing. Bring on Peter Thompson for the second half.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Bloody hell...just checking out next weeks game on the FFL site..why the devil are half the teams not playing ??? I have 7 players available!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that's what you get for having a team full of great players that make it through to the quarter finals of the FA Cup, AH.

      Delete
    2. Well hopefully they all play their games in hand in the same week to make up for this.

      Delete
    3. We'll all be missing the same players. 4v4, anyone?

      Delete
  58. Si.com main soccer page: Kagawa scores hat trick for Man. U. Suarez, too.

    Originally at http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/soccer/?eref=sinav&sct=hp_nv_a

    I know what they meant, but it certainly startled me at first.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Arab oil billionaires bid for arsenal now imminent...welcome back to the big time, gooners!....

    The world’s biggest ever bid for a football club, dwarfing the £800 million paid by the Glazers for Manchester United, will be backed by funds from Qatar and the United Arab Emirates.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll believe it when I see it.

      It all looks like smoke and mirrors. A ploy to test the waters by Usinimov.

      Delete
  60. I’ve been pretty amazed at all the “most important NLD in years” guff being spouted in the rags. Funnily enough exactly 53 weeks ago, exactly the same rubbish was being printed, at the time Spurs were 10 pts in front ane this was the "shift in power" moment. All very well and good but what I ask is, when has a NLD not been important?

    It’s always the first fixture you look for when they come out as a gunner/spud, well, it is for me anyway.

    League positions and form means nothing in games like this, it’s just who’s up for it more on the day. I’ve been quietly happy with all the attention that the LWC’s have been getting, it puts the pressure firmly on them, although, by the way the meedja have been jizzing over Galen you’d think he was a multiple WC, CL and title winning phenomenem instead of an, admitedly, very decent player in a rich vein of form who, in truth, has won just as many major titles as I have.

    Due to all the attention THFC has announced that they will changing their crest;

    http://invinciblog.com/?p=769

    ReplyDelete
  61. Arsenal controlled first half. Two sloppy minutes and Spurs punish us. with two well taken goals.

    Adebayor is lucky to still be on the pitch.

    ReplyDelete
  62. oh, I thought it was long white coats!

    ReplyDelete
  63. They´re the ones coming to take me away.

    °°°

    Spurs take the NLD and the braging rights and a nice little cushion.

    Fat lady not quite ready to go on stage yet though, still 30 points to play for.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true, AH, and Spurs have a few tough games coming up (away at Anfailed and Stamfordski Bridge, plus home to Citeh and Everton). However, I have every confidence in Arsenal and Chelski's ability to chuck points away.


      Jedi

      Delete
  64. Replies
    1. Too late, I already hacked my Verizon DVR and selling them on flea-bay. Search for The Platinum Piers Morgan Wing-Along Edition. ;-)

      Good Game to all those involved.

      Delete
    2. Piers Morgan is a mong.

      Gooners can´t stand him anymore then Spuds can. it may very well be the one thing that unites us.

      Delete
    3. As a Spurs fan, it pains me to agree with H2 about anything, but I'll definitely make an exception for the comments on Morgan. Gives self-satisfied tw*ts a bad name!


      Jedi

      Delete
  65. Not only did Baines and Bale not make it into my lineup for an 8pt penalty, the first transfer I made was to drop Mertesacker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could you please tell us your selections before Friday next week so we'll know what not to do. :)

      Delete
    2. Stop this fantasy, I want to get off. Please.

      Delete
    3. I'm starting a trio each from Man Utd, Tottenham, and Man City, plus a pair from Liverpool. But not Suarez. Definitely not Suarez.

      And 7a, I'm sure you'll find a fantasy to help you get off.

      Delete
  66. 7a9e3164-c530-11e1-843e-oobcdcb5194. AH, is that you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why would you assume that anyone unable to get their regular name in must be me ???

      Delete
    2. that orange vertical with the rotational arrow completing a semi-circle in a clock-wise direction when viewed in the isometric angle is what suggested it! Besides that, you're one of the few that comment outside UK business hours!

      Delete
    3. in fact, I still think it's you, only from that new phone that AT&T sent you.

      Delete
    4. That's actually a Masonic symbol and the reason everything I write seems nonsense is because it is all really coded. We are taking over the world. One pope at a time. Next stop, Port Vale.

      Delete
  67. Great game, and great result for the white half of North London. Thank fuck Defoe is back and getting fit - even if he isn't scoring, he'll be trying more than Adebayor.

    Worrying though was the injury to Dembele - I saw one of those Optastats the other day that said that Spurs win, on average, 1.87 points per game with him in the team, and 0.28 points per game when he's not playing. So we'll be fucked if he's injured when we play the likes of Liverpool, Chelsea, Everton and City. As I predicted last blog, I still see Arsenal finishing above us, but that's just my pessimistic Spurs-fan mentality. But AVB has got us playing with confidence and discipline. Something the media's Saint Redknapp never achieved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Defoe probably do more than Adebayor even if he is on the bench.

      Lots of sensationalistic mumbo jumbo about the demise of arsenal all over the web, specially the experts. WTF...they're just 5 points of 4th spot (occupied by Agent Benitez's team at that) with 10 games to go. Perspective people.

      Delete
    2. Agree with you there AH, Arsenal aren't out of it at all. Like you said, a lot depends on what Benitez can do with Chelsea. Spurs also have the Europa to consider, with Inter this week a few days before a trip to Anfield.

      Delete
    3. Stats don't lie. In fact of the 12 FA Cup matches that Defoe has started for Spurs, only one opposition player has suffered a heart attack. Thankfully, Leeds overcame this concern to banish the Spuds from the cup this season.

      Delete
  68. Dear Footygod,

    Please ensure a Madrid win tomorrow. A treble for Satan would be too much to take.

    I would also have asked for Agent Benitez's team to knock them out of the FA cup, but there are somethings that even you may not be able to do.

    Regards,
    AH

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen

      Though I do agree with you that the Fat Spanish Waiter outsmarting Red nose is pushing miracles a bit

      Also Footygod, could you arrange for long lingering camera shots on the Yummy One tomorrow night too please

      Delete
    2. Dear Footygod,

      I know it's probably too much to ask that Bolton nick 6th place and get promoted via the play-offs, so could you please just let Man U win the treble again and piss off all the supporters of other "big" and famous clubs that come on here?

      Thanks.

      Delete
    3. I'm sure he will comply with the shots of the so-called "Yummy One" but the Treble is looking a distinct possibility.

      Fingers crossed anyway

      Delete
  69. Police confirm they have launched an investigation after an Arsenal supporter threw a banana at Gareth Bale during Sunday's north London derby at White Hart Lane.
    ----------------------------------------
    It finally happened. If anything, it proves we are not a racist people. We're just idiots.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. he might have been hungry and some nice person giving up his lunch?

      Bit daft though

      Delete
    2. or it may have been the nuttritionist/dietician at the Club worried that he'd not had all his 5-a-day

      Delete
  70. on a serious note, so I don't get left behind again - if the Comments go over 200, is there a trick of going over page. Obviously I Click the LOAD MORE link but nothing happens?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i have the same problem on the pc Bells but not on the MAC. Based on something somebody said last week, it might have something to do with "settings" somewhere which already puts it beyond my realm of understanding. Good luck!

      Delete
    2. I'm a complete computard, but I think it's something to do with what browser you use - if you're using Internet Explorer, then you can't load past 200 comments, but if you switch to Chrome or Firefox or anything other than IE, then you have no problems getting past 200 comments.

      But the simplest thing would be for more frequent blogs, as suggested by Mr AH, below.

      Delete
  71. Cheers Trotts - that may be a bit too techncial for such a dinosaur as me too but I will have a go :)

    ReplyDelete
  72. Robbo should just add a new blog everytime comments go beyond 200.Even if it is a blank blog just so folks can continue commenting with ease.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. McNumpty ought to try some blank blogs, too.

      Delete
  73. Nicklas Bendtner gets Denmark ban after drink driving arrest

    Denmark striker Nicklas Bendtner has been suspended for six months by his country's football federation after he was arrested for drink driving.

    I would have gone with - Bendy Banned After Bender

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In true Bendtner style, he was caught driving in the wrong lane.

      Delete
    2. In totally the wrong direction, I believe.


      Jedi

      Delete
  74. Bradford tonight. hope we do better than arsenal.

    Bradford striker Nahki Wells is doubtful with a dead leg picked up in Saturday's win over York City.

    Tom Pope is also doubtful after suffering a noogie and a chinese burn in training.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Can't see United keeping Real goal-less tonight. Come on Madrid!!

    ReplyDelete
  76. FFL H2H's looking disturbingly like the Premier League now ....

    A-Ha's doing a Man U and romping off into the distance, bricked up the goal line and stolen the match ball so no-one can get close. Cheadle Tractor Boys are doing a Citeh and vaguely trying to keep up and then there's a gaggle of us left far behind to squabble over 3rd and 4th.

    Oh well, all i know is my team next week is fucked as half my lot aren't in action and my one and only transfer's had to be used on a reserve keeper as both of mine are crocked.

    -

    James.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Next week's going to be the same for most of us James. I'm not using any extra transfers and am playing with 7 players. Hopefully the likes of Stephen who owns Mata and the Stephen who owns Van Persiieeeee dont run away with the classic leagues, or it could well be a tale of 2 Stevies.

      Delete
    2. I'm toying with the idea to go ape shit and take the deduction hits and set it straight again next week with the wildcard or just say fuck it and let the five or six players I got duke it out.

      All will depend on how much I drink Friday night.

      Delete
    3. I have a full team somehow. Not a bad one either. Just a shame that I'm so far down all the tables that it's not going to mean much.

      Delete
  77. NBA giants Oklahoma City Thunder and Philadelphia 76ers will go head-to-head in Manchester this autumn.
    ----------------------------------------
    I trust you lot have got your tickets booked then.

    ReplyDelete
  78. My word, has any game of footy been this hyped ? Dortmund-Shaktar will probably be the more entertaining, free flowing game.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's all linked to various things AH.

      The English meeja obsession with Mourinho (who is in fact a short,bald,ugly,fat gay.The bloke that Bells likes so much is in fact the interpreter)

      The decision of UEFA to spread the games over goodness knows how long leaving more room for over inflated hyperbole.

      Knowing that any column/puff piece involving Un**ed gets all the loonies and keyboard bashers out,there are hundreds of these columns everywhere.

      We all know that the big game tonight really takes place at The City Ground,Nottingham.

      Delete
    2. I have to dispute both of those - the real thriller of the night is Maidenhead v Dover Athletic

      And Jacks, how very dare you .... However, just to be on safe side, I will now have to spend many hours pouring over pictures and features on him just to be sure

      Have a good evening everyone (unless you are Man Poo fan)


      Delete
  79. Bollocks. It's Bolton v Blackburn tonight. Battle of the Damned.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Take it all back on Man Poo - just seen this on BBC website:


    Mourinho could return for a second spell as Chelsea manager as soon as March - but only if Real Madrid are knocked out of the Champions League by Manchester United tonight.

    Full story: Daily Star



    As I said before if in Daily Star MUST be true

    GO MAN POO


    Also Noel, thanks for tip on Internet Explorer or not as in this case, will have a play about


    ReplyDelete
  81. Bells.

    Internet Explorer doesn´t work past 200 for me either, I have Google Chrome now. Another option is Blogaway, (smartphone app.)

    ReplyDelete
  82. Laptop fucked, but happ to say iPad works in bar across the way

    Millers 4-0 at half time

    ReplyDelete
  83. Dear Footygod,

    I did not really want you to bribe the referee. It's not fun this way.

    Thanks,
    AH

    ReplyDelete
  84. Hahaha. It's a harsh red, a very harsh red, but his studs hit him in the chest. It could have gone either way. It's just pay back for Pedro Mendes' goal, that's all I'm saying.

    More to the point, who the fuck taught Modric how to shoot?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Modric actually had a better shot from a tighter angle in the 4-0 rout of Liverpool last season. I guess he saves it for the great teams ;)

      Delete
    2. Modric was Real's best player when he came on. You can point to Utd being down a man by then, but Modric did very well in tight areas.

      Delete
  85. A real shame when referees decide the outcome of games! This was worse than the Chelsea-Barca semi. Arbeloa ran in from behind Nani who's foot was already in the air - not sure how you can play football if that is a sending off.

    ReplyDelete
  86. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Woah.

    Getting knocked out to a Spanish side, that you were beating, due to a pretty dodgy ref decision.....

    I wonder how that feels?

    OH.

    van Persie already knew.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Rooney dropped? You are officially toast, Wayne.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Harsh red but arguably correct.I'm sure man u fans will be shortening the refs first name ...Cuneyt

    Spoiled the game tho

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry Blogs, not close to being correct. Nani lifted his foot to play the ball when there was no player near him and well before Arbeloa challenged. Arbeloa ran in from behind Nani and made contact with the side of Nani's foot. Lifting the foot is only dangerous play when it is lifted into the area of another player. That did not apply in this case.

      Was Crouch even booked for kicking Matt Taylor in the face on Saturday? I don't think so.

      Delete
    2. I joked at the moment it happened that Nani would stay down to avoid being sanctioned......

      I was pretty shocked when the ref pulled out the red.

      Delete
    3. It's another dodgy decision that ruined a game. Reminds me of Van Persie getting sent off for Arsenal in the Champions League a couple of years back. The ref should be made to explain his decision.

      Delete
  90. ruined the game but dems da breaks.

    In other news, there's only one Dainty Frenchman!

    ReplyDelete
  91. Anon. I was shocked when he pulled out the red as well. I thought he'd get a yellow.when I say it was arguably correct I'm thinking of Roy Keane, ever keen to ingratiate himself with man u fans arguing it was correct. His point is that nani should have been aware that there was a player near him, and that by the letter of the law (which they read out on itv) kicking someone in the chest is dangerous play. Intention is irrelevant. So whether you agree with the ref or not, its at least arguable that he was right.which implies that crouch should have been sent off for doing his airborne giraffe impersonation.

    most refs would have given a yellow, I think.

    ReplyDelete