Thursday, 14 February 2013

Frank's New Kid's Book - Exclusive!

It was a bright sunny morning and Frankie went out on to the park to kick a ball about with his friends. And there was Stevie G, standing right where he wanted to be.

Frankie was quick to challenge him.

"Let's have a penalty competition to see who should stand there, Stevie G!"

"Okay, but can we not pretend that it's an international fixture" worried Stevie.

"You're on!" said Frankie and placed the ball on the penalty spot.

"Can I take one?" shouted Frankie's friend JT.

But poor old JT fell over. The big chump.

"No" said Frankie "This is a competition between me and Stevie."

"Can I have a pop at it?" insisted JT.

"NO!" shouted Frankie.

"I wasn't talking about the penalty" said John. "I was talking about her." And silly old JT pointed in the vague direction of some footballers' wives.

"Can I take it?" said little Nando, a frail pasty looking boy with all the confidence of a kitten.

Frankie sighed. And then because he was a kind professional he passed the ball over to Nando. Well, you wouldn't believe how long it took Nando to get that ball on the penalty spot. And even then, he ran up to take the penalty facing the wrong way!

"In the goal, Nando! In the goal!" said Frank encouraging.

"What is this goal?" asked Nando.

"There are two, Nando" Frankie explained "With two posts and a bar. This one here is the Drog Bar. That one over there is the Demba Bar."

A strange fat man appeared. He had a bad beard and a notebook in his hand.

"Buenos tardes" he said.

"Who are you?" asked Frankie.

"I am new caretaker" said the suspicious-looking man.

"But you're not Pep. We were promised Pep!" And Frankie started to cry.

"Be quiet, Frankie. I no like crybabies. You not allowed on pitch. Go sit on bench until I am desperate."

While Frankie went and sat on the park bench, Stevie G waved at the Caretaker

"Hello, Caretaker" said Stevie G "Remember me, I made your career."

The Caretaker didn't like this.

"Why are you here?" asked Stevie G.

"I am here to look after Nando" said the Caretaker, "but is very good chance I get massive pay-off when it doesn't work out for me."

Just then a naughty boy from another school ran on to the pitch and tried to take the ball home with him. But Frankie's pal Eden was having none of it. He kicked the boy - not very hard - and the boy let the ball go. Clearly this strange boy was a bit of a cock.

Eden put the ball back down on the penalty spot.

Cashley was looking very interested in having a go.

"Do you want me to shoot?" he asked.

Well, everyone put their hands in the air and begged Cashley to put the gun down.

"Who do you think you are?" shouted Frankie "Oscar Pistorius? [allegedly]"

Cashley put his gun down and apologised.

It wasn't turning out to be a very nice day. It got worse when the Russian turned up. The Russian was a nasty man with a happy face. He was carrying a big chest full of coins.

All the boys gathered round and the Caretaker started dribbling - from his mouth and not with the ball - but the Russian walked over to Stevie G.

"For di last time" he said "Will you join us?" And he plonked the money right next to Stevie G.

"I dunno, Mr Russian" said Stevie G "I'm not as fast as I used to be, some of my injuries have taken their toll, and my career is almost over."

"That's what Sheva said, but that didn't stop me" said the Russian.

Stevie G shook his head.

"It is your loss" said the Russian. "Now I will have to go to Europe to find someone."

"And that" smiled the caretaker "is where we are all going today!"

"What?" said Frankie "But it's a Thursday!"

"Thursday is our new Going to Europe Day!" said the Caretaker with a big smile.

"Will we be going to Madrid and Barcelona again?" asked Frankie excitedly.

"No" said the Caretaker "Not while I'm here."

It began to rain, and everyone went inside, all of them feeling a bit sad.

"Never mind" said Frankie's Mum "You may get to go to exciting places like Bucharest and Kharkiv. And anyway, Christine's coming round for tea in half an hour."

"Oooo! Can I stay for tea?"said JT, batting his eyelids at Frankie's Mum.

"NO!!!!" shouted everyone. And they were right, too.











269 comments:

  1. I thought poor old Frankie's mum was in heaven?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations for posting the word "first". I'd hate to see how you act in real life.

    Great blog, laughed my ass off, thanks Robbo.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fifth - If this were the FIFA World rankings I'd only be one place behind England. Can't wait to see BHB's reaction to the blog.

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
  4. Top 10!!!!! Wow!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am assuming, Warwick Hunt, that that is not your real name. I thought it was John Terry's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You assume correctly, Mr Mouth.
      My real name is Walter Greattwat.

      Delete
  6. either you're becoming me, robbo, or im becoming you - see my version in comments/previous blog

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bloggidy I should've been reading previous comments - hope I haven't nicked/repeated all your gags. I'm going to have a look now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nah mate, yours is better. i know my place.

      Delete
  8. Some points a bit unfair. i don't think Man City or Man Utd got as much stick last season for screwing up their groups in the CL.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Are you new here Mash? A bit unfair?? Next you'll be asking for real journalism.

    Rip roaring stuff Robbo ( and bloggy ).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not new to the Blog but new to commenting on them... i agree..hilarious blog though !!!

      Delete
  10. Blogidy,as I'm currently embroiled in the legal system,do you want me to have a word about the obvious plagiarism above?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ah go on then jacks and can you sue gillingham into bankruptcy while your at it for being too southern or summat

      Delete
  11. "Thursday is our new Going to Europe Day!" said the Caretaker with a big smile.

    "Will we be going to Madrid and Barcelona again?" asked Frankie excitedly.

    "No" said the Caretaker "Not while I'm here."

    .......

    Classic!

    I really shouldnt have laughed as much as I did at this blog Robbo but it is very funny :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bells..doesnt Pocchetino look a little like JM? I hope you think so, as he's probably going to replace Rafa (if you're lucky Mancini might get the boot) as there doesn't seem to be anyone else available/interested (there's always Sparky of course).

      Delete
  12. Good stuff Robbo, very funny,although I feel I merit a percentage of the book rights.as finders fee.

    Not a horse in the meaty Findus fee, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Over the athlete involved in the shooting.

    There's speculation that he had mistaken her for a burgular

    How could this happen I hear you ask?

    Maybe he drunk too much and was completly legless.

    It happens..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I must admit "the athlete " is a damn sight easier than typing Oscar Pistorius.

      Delete
    2. It is indeed Jacks.

      I do hope I haven´t jumped the gun with my theorey.

      Delete
    3. When he heard the old bill coming why didn´t he just leg it?

      Oh.

      Delete
    4. Well I'm stumped to think of any other.

      Delete
    5. There's something afoot.

      But none of us can see it.

      Delete
    6. H2H, I think you should tred carefully with these puns about disability. Of course, if it concerns an (alleged) South African murderer then that's ok. There is no truth in the rumour that Arsene had him lined up to replace Feo coz his shooting is better.

      Spider

      Delete
  14. Newcastle midfielder Cheick Tiote, 26, is set to be available for Thursday's Europa League tie against Metalist Kharkiv despite being arrested near Newcastle's training ground on suspicion of fraud.
    Full story: The Sun


    Impersonating a footballer?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was passing dud cheques when he should have been passing the ball. His defence are claiming that all the cards in his possession are simply those given to him by Premier Reague refs.

      Spider

      Delete
    2. Apologies, I meant League - I must be turning Chinese.

      Spider

      Delete
    3. As long as you're not Turning Japanese when you type Spider.

      Delete
    4. No, Jacks, I'm just getting the vapours.

      Spider

      Delete
    5. Crappy 80's song and no sign of Adam? ;)

      Delete
  15. Brendan Rodgers "Terrific run" continues.

    *Away games don't count

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. From previous blog -
      Replace penalty with 'no one to beat from goal line yet miss' and West Brom with Zenit, and it describes the game perfectly.
      -------------------------
      AnfieldHopeful11 February 2013 21:42
      Fuck fuck fuck..when you miss wiht 21 chances including a penalty..you just know the opposition are going to nick it with a late goal.

      Reply
      Replies

      Anonymous11 February 2013 23:47
      AH, It was TWO late goals actually, but I assumed you kicked the telly in after WBA took the lead. Stat of the night - Liverpool 21 chances WBA 2 - the shot that led to the corner from which they scored their first goal. (That was immediately after they took the lead).

      Spider

      Delete
  16. Have I got this right..the pope ate a Bute contaminated horseburger (black butey) and shot his girlfriend the impoverished paralympian OJ pisspoorius for Lent

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You been reading the Daily Mail?

      Delete
    2. How DARE you! ive never been so insulted in my life (well not this week anyway)

      Delete
  17. Since when did Robbo have inside access to Chelsea's training ground? Though having Stevie G hanging around Chelsea is just as likely as Nando dropping in on England, so I think this conversation has happened before.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Inspiration for Abramovich

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21444201

    ReplyDelete
  19. Gareth Bale FC are pretty damn consistent nowadays.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not for much longer my friend......

      You know why!!

      Delete
    2. OH HELL YES I DID!!!!

      Sorry, didn't mean to shout.

      Delete
    3. So by this logic I ought to have as many Manchester and Tottenham players in my side as I can afford next season. Arsenal and Liverpool can tank without me. Won't help Chelsea improve, of course, but at least Wigan winning it all will make it worthwhile.

      Delete
  20. If it makes you feel any better AH,I've had Carzola in my team the last 3 weeks and his form has dipped a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  21. its good to see you back on here more often, jacks

    yours

    Glory Hunter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fanks Blogs.

      It's a question of finding the time.

      Delete
    2. ive lost my watch n'all, jacks

      Delete
  22. Sports brand Nike has removed Oscar Pistorius advertisement with the strapline: 'I am the bullet in the chamber'

    Clang! Its the Curse of Nike .. tiger woods, lance armstrong, marion jones...

    but I'm the worst victim of the Curse - i wear nike sports gear and i look like a chav, im slow despite having both legs, fall of my bike regularly, hate golf...but not footgolf... the cheap overpriced tat isnt doing its thang im switching to umbro

    ReplyDelete
  23. http://www.news.com.au/sport/more-sport/oscar-pistorius-bullet-in-chamber-nike-ad-pulled-from-runners-website/story-fndukor0-1226578345031


    Just do it!????!!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I wonder if we could arrange for Gillingham to wear Nike shirts Blogs?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. along with the other 6 teams between Port Vale and Southend (and AFC Wimbledon cos those self-righteous muppets really get on my nerves at the moment)

      Delete
  25. Brilliant 90s song on the radio - Can You Forgive Her is always welcome unlike the Fat Spanish Waiter.

    I see Brenda Rogers is confident and upberat about the Europa League - I reckon he's got £50 on Zenit to win it

    ReplyDelete
  26. There's only one act in town with any credit for playing electronic music Adam,and it certainly isn't the P*t S**p B**s.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNY5UDIvCiw

    ReplyDelete
  27. I can't look at Youtube at work but if its the Matt Lucas lookalike then I would disagree - If it is Kraftwerk then their work was very pioneering but a bit too technical for my taste and lacks the emotion & pathos of a good Tennant/Lowe record

    They were verry good though. A good early dance record was Passion by The Flirts - definitely worth listening to again if you have a copy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Matt Lucas lookalike?

      Why would I put Nina Simone up?

      It's Kraftwerk performing Autobahn at the Tate Modern last week.

      I have to disagree with you about the feeling they put into their music.

      The only fault I can find with Kraftwerk is No Kraftwerk,no P*t S**p B**s

      Delete
    2. Well you could always blame Bobby Orlando for that as he signed them.

      Could be worse - could be Erasure

      Kraftwerk did have emotion just not that juxtaposition of really upbeat music and melancholy lyrics that make Pet Shop Boys records so good

      Delete
  28. David Moyes says it is "more than likely" he will wait until the end of the season before making a decision on his Everton future.


    Arsenal, Chelsea or City do you think?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would prefer Man United. if Fergie, having achieved the treble yet again, decides to go out on a high.
      There I've declared my allegiance. Am I the only one one the blog?

      tr

      Delete
  29. Nope.

    A new three year deal at Goodison Park.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Football fans could be allowed to drink alcohol in their seats for the first time in almost 30 years if a campaign led by Ipswich Town gets the go-ahead.
    Daily Mirror

    I always liked those Tractor Boys.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Just taken a look at highlights from the Valencia-PSG game. What the hell did Zlatan get red carded for ? Surely yellow if at all. Unless its for generally being a prick, in which case I fully agree.

    ReplyDelete
  32. f-in pi$$ed me-self reading this.

    Quality

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nik my man, you can say "fucking pissed" on here. In fact, we encourage the use of colorful language except the C* word in deference to Bells.

      Delete
    2. More bad news for you AH.

      Suarez has been my captain this week.

      Sorry.

      Delete
    3. The curse is so bad that it even affected the Zenit game.

      Delete
    4. AH, I'm sure BHB uses the odd C-word, especially in connection with the Maitre D' although she probably feels it's wasted on him. Speaking of which, rumours of a dressing room spat between the Maitre D' and JT are being strenuously denied which can only mean one thing - has anyone got a picture of Mrs. Maitre D'?

      Spider

      Delete
  33. Theyve tested that Russian meteorite and turns out its 42% horse meat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So the weather forecast was Cloudy with a chance of meatballs?

      Delete
    2. So the meteorite was sponsored by McDonalds, if it was 100% it'd have been sponsored by Findus.

      Spider

      Delete
  34. Robbie Rogers (USA, Leeds/Stevenage)

    http://extramustard.si.com/2013/02/15/american-soccer-player-robbie-rogers-comes-out-retires-with-powerful-statement/?sct=hp_t2_a11&eref=sihp

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/soccer/news/20130215/robbie-rogers-coming-out-gay-retire/?sct=hp_t2_a12&eref=sihp

    Kudos for being strong enough to come out... but sad that he's retiring. If not because he is a spectacular player (injuries have played a part), but because the game needs active 'out' role models.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Overcast, with meteorballs and a pastaroid siderite salad, jacks

    ReplyDelete
  36. Bayern here we come..., i bet they are shaking with fear at the thoughts of the likes of gervinho running at them ... :@

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  37. Man...everyone here is crazy...Robbo being the flag bearer obviously. I love this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  38. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21449125

    Players can be cup-tied, but apparently, managers can turn out for three clubs in one tournament.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After yesterday's result, Roman is lining him up to replace Rafa, so he could well be in line for 4 clubs in the same tourney.

      Delete
  39. 7 WCLH ( Format: College Radio Wilkеѕ Universіty's radio station plays mostly alternative rock, but Mondays have seemingly always been "Metal Mondays. Yet another way to construct a device to harness energy from radio waves is using an antenna, connected to a series of diodes and a capacitor bank that is earthed. Even if you have a good two way radio, it isn't bad to havе some κіnԁ of геceiνe onlу radio to get infoгmatiοn on.


    Нere іs mу webѕіte; mouse click the next web site
    My site > spiele spielen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably with malware, Just what we all wanted.

      Delete
    2. and Heavy Metal too - do they have SynthPop Sundays?

      Delete
  40. Well done Liverpool.

    Beating a top 10 team for the first time..... and well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jacks, could you please always retain Suarez as your captain and try and add in sturridge and enrique as well?

      Well, now that we've won 5-0, time to lose 3-0 to Zenit and 2-1 to Wigan.

      Delete
    2. I put Stirling in (1 point) and benched Puncheon (8 points) so it works both ways AH.

      Delete
  41. Way to take a shot at the deceased you fucking degenerate

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry Anon but you're going to have to be a bit more specific than that. You could be referring to any of the regulars here with that statement. For instance......
      Port Vale Supporting Fucking Degenerate - is Blog
      Liverpool Supporting Fucking Degenerate - is AH
      Ipswich Supporting Fucking Degenerate - is Jacks
      Joint smoking tulip loving Arsenal Supporting Fucking Degenerate - is H2H

      Colch

      Delete
    2. The nutters are out in force today!

      Delete
    3. He's probably having a go about the Frankie's Mum comment.

      Delete
    4. A shot. At the deceased. Pun intended or not, Anon?

      _

      The Tottenham supporting fucking degenerate known as James

      Delete
    5. A shot at the deceased, isn't that what Oscar Pistol-rius said

      A Chelsea supporting Fucking degenerate - known as Bells

      Delete
    6. Joint smoking?

      I demand you take that back.....

      I only do hard drugs.

      Delete
  42. Colch, if you'd passed on signing your name there, that would have been quite the odd conversation.

    Every other exchange here is quite sane.

    Does anyone else hear bells?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only when she's on here dribbling over Mourinho Stephen.

      Although I believe she loves Rafa the most.

      Delete
    2. Mourinho - dreamy

      R*f* - the stuff of Nightmares

      Delete
  43. Blogidy,I was interested to hear Mad Mickey Adams blame his lack of forward power for defeat on Saturday.

    Just remind me how many the Pope has got this season?

    I think Mickey might be clutching at straws there slightly.

    ReplyDelete
  44. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-21492238

    A true gent,I started following Ipswich in 1980 when Bobby was in charge.

    Cooper,

    Burley,Butcher,Osman,Mills

    Wark,Thyssen,Muhren,Gates

    Brazil,Mariner.

    Ah the blessed memories of youth.

    ReplyDelete
  45. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  46. He understands league 2 football as well as anyone jacks but on most measures he's not the sharpest. Jim Gannon was the other way round. Bad loss v 10, men....gills favourites foot the title but if wee don't secure promo from this position it will be a big disappointmental just hope Micky doesn't crack or bail out (again). Tractor boys inching their way to safety I see.

    ReplyDelete
  47. There's a long way to go yet Blogidy.Our next few fixtures aren't too easy.

    Still,could be worse.Could follow Arsenal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would disagree, but drinking beer on the terraces trumps everything.

      Well almost everything.

      Delete
  48. Ho hum, a good weekend even if cackling at Arsenal's demise, whist in a bar in Woolwich that's built pretty much where they originally played before naffing off across the river might not have been the wisest of moves on my part.

    I dunno, what is it with prem teams in general and the cups this year?

    Do I dare predict Milwall to win the FA cup?

    -

    James.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I (sorry H2 and other Gooners) did have a little snigger at Arsenals demise too James - would SO love to be able to take the piss out of Man Poo but sadly unless Reading do something remarkable tonight cannot see it happening.

      Still unless its Adams birthday today- in which case we have to be nice to him - there's always the Shit Pop Boys that we can laugh at

      Delete
    2. I would say Man Utd vs Millwall final with the same result as last time would be nice.

      BHB - being nasty to Erasure isn't very nice however those musical geniuses Pet Shop Boys are touring again in the summer and I'm getting tickets for my birthday. Yippeee!!!!!

      Delete
    3. Hang on, I'm confused now. It's okay to be nasty to synth bands but not to deceased ?? Or is it the other way around ?

      And for the record, I have never fucked a degenerate, though from the reaction of a few, they might well have been deceased.

      Delete
    4. Well the deceased can't talk back, sue you or release records so I would say it is the other way round.

      Maybe you were the degenerate in question and they played dead to escape(just kidding)

      Delete
    5. Snigger away 'Bells, we deserve it.

      Delete
  49. And the much unsought after prize for Robbos Blog Number One Champion Eccentric goes to you Adam

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't know about that Bloggy, I think you and BojanglesofManila would run Adam close for that title.

      Delete
    2. Bloggy's well ahead of everyone for that prize, his only competition os RBA but he's not on often enough to win anymore

      Delete
  50. Cardiff City will hand out free red scarves to every fan at the visit of Brighton & Hove Albion on Tuesday

    Obviously the BlueBirds are still only buying the blue ones

    ReplyDelete
  51. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree completely. That's a rather controversial thing to say though, and might affect millions, so I'd advise you to remove the comment.

      Delete
    2. did millions play dead, is RBA missed by millions or are millions of Cardiff fans buying the wrong scarf -

      Question is which post went here by mistake and then got posted in its correct thread.

      A mystery?

      Or millions of people will sue you for insulting synth pop legends like PSB

      who knows??

      I'm rambling now so will just push the relevant button

      Delete
  52. According to the BBC Roberto Mancicni said, "In the last 15 months I am the best manager in England." I hate to say this, but I don't think he's the best manager in Manchester, let alone England. Luckiest, quite possibly.

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
  53. WEnger does a Rafa

    However, he did say: "I've been accused of not taking the FA Cup seriously. I won the FA Cup four times. Who has won it more? Give me one name.


    Fergie springs to mind in 1990, 1994, 1996, 1999 & 2003 - if he'd said 2 names he may have been on to something

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ryan Giggs - 5 times as well - he's not doing too well is he really - that's 3 people

      Delete
    2. Maybe it wasn't a rhetorical question and he just wanted to make sure everyone remembered he's no Fergie.

      Delete
  54. http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/sport/10235980.Di_Canio_resigns/

    Awesome. Next Chelsea manager.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Hitler was a cunt.

    ====
    Does that make me a degenerate?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see that a statement of fact. So no that doesn't make you a degenerate. I hope that anon doesn't come back here any time soon.

      Delete
  56. Brent or Brendan the quiz;

    http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/02/12/who-said-it-rodgers-brent_n_2667551.html

    ReplyDelete
  57. As far as dubious enticements go, 'join us after the break for comment and analysis from Gordon Strachan' ranks up there with an invitation I once got from a bird in a pub 'if you pay for the taxi you can fuck me'

    ReplyDelete
  58. the weather in Florida sucked until the day we had to leave. Should have stayed home and talked rhubarb with you degennerate twats.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sorry Robbo, brilliant Blog as always.

      Delete
    2. All this talk on this blog about chances of teams in lower leagues had me glance at the tables there. WTF....Bolton 3 points away from the relegation zone??? Thank heavens there's only one Duckie Frogman.

      Delete
    3. Even better is Wolves 1 point from the relegation zone - the irony if they go to League 1 and Ipswich stay up will be fantastic

      Delete
    4. we've dropped 27 points from winning positions, which goes half way to explaining why 80% of the game is 65% mental.

      is today the day we say "Happy Birthday" Adam?

      Delete
    5. No it's Friday I'm afraid. I wonder what the chances of Boro beating Chelski in the cup and will Robbo use his next blog to gloat if they do

      Delete
  59. Holloway2Holland18 February 2013 19:42
    Hitler was a cunt.

    ___________________________________________

    It's a little known fact that Hitler was a lover of the beautiful game.He was an early exponent of the "tikka-takka" style,more recently played by Barcelona.The reason behind this,as opposed to playing a more direct game was down to the family being impecunious.Close short range passing meant he was less likely to lose the little football equipment he had as it was well known he only had one ball.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DIdn't he invent the Klinsmann clebration but just used aircraft instead of people

      Delete
    2. No,he was the man responsible for the forerunner to Man City's celebration.

      Doing the Poznan.

      Delete
  60. 'Police officers in the West Midlands could be in the dog house after a police dog apparently filed a witness statement. The brief statement, on behalf of police dog Peach, read: "I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach." The 'statement' was signed at the bottom with a print of the Alsatian's pawmark. It was reportedly written in response to a barrage of requests from the Crown Prosecution Service for an account from PC Peach on a crime, the Daily Mail reports. Officers are said to have become frustrated after they continually told the CPS that Peach was a dog. But it seems the joke report may have consequences as the force is now being investigated. "The matter will be investigated," DCI Julian Harper, from West Midlands Police, told Huffington Post' - Orange.

    Was Peach telling the truth or was it all just cobblers?

    ReplyDelete
  61. Sounds like a breach of the Peach to me, H.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Is he a realible witness or is he a cock eyed spaniel?

    ReplyDelete
  63. Big, big task ahead of Arsenal now. Having to win at the Allianz by 3 goals while stopping Bayern from scoring is one helluva task.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no problem, win 3-1 and take it to penalties!

      Delete
    2. or 4 - 2 and get on the plane!

      Delete
  64. Gooners' season now officially in tatters.

    Or "February" as it's usually known.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep,

      Also means that St Totteringsham day is just around the corner.

      Delete
    2. Big corner


      Jedi

      Delete
  65. Things change, the mighty fall, Ozymandias king of kings, get used to it Liverpool, arsenal, it happened to Sheffield Wednesday,it happened to Leeds, it happened to Preston and now it's happening to you.

    Only thing is, with arsenals finances, it shouldn't be happening.

    ReplyDelete
  66. http://thetotallybiasedsportsblog.com/

    Interesting read about last night's game.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Wenger to Everton in swap for David Moyes as they have no money he won't have to answer loads of questions about why he isn't spending it

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  68. Apologies once more to Gooners, no not for fact I laughed that they lost, but decided it would be infinitely preferable for them to progress in Champions League then Man Poo so started cheering for them last night and looked what happened - I will cheer on Bayern in the next leg .

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    1. Could you also be cheering on Zenit tomorrow, if watching Europa League games is not beneath a Chelsea supporter. In return, I will be cheering on Chelsea tonight when the play, er oh hang on..

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    2. don't forget to cheer on Real Madrid and Jose (He'll get back to Chelsea quicker if you do honest)

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    3. AH.

      Aren't Zenit and Chelski local rivals?

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    4. hehe..forgot about the Gazprom link.

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  69. inoperative "reply" button but Blog is right and Man U are due to be relegated in 2014.

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  70. and Chelsea are playing Bingo tonight!

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  71. Crap haircuts v Crap shirts in the CL.

    Crap game.

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  72. ACraphaircut Milan 1 Badshirtaloana 0

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  73. McNulty's done a blog on Arsenal, so things must be bad. For what it's worth, I still think that Arsenal will finish above Spurs this season - apart from the game at United, all of their remaining games are winnable. Spurs face City and Chelsea in the next few weeks and Everton on the final game of the season. A lot will depend on the North London derby next week, but I still see Arsenal overhauling us, even if we win at WHL. So it's just a case of whether or not the fat waiter drops Chelsea further down the table and both Arsenal and Spurs can make the Champs League.

    I don't think any English team would have come out of the Bayern game with a good result, so there's no shame in Arsenal losing to them.

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    1. Bradford would've given them a hiding.

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  74. Arsenal's results are due to their policy of flogging their best players or creating a wage structure that encourages them to move, as much as they're due to Wenger's lack of ability. The board must know this, he delivers them a profit and keeps the bums in the seats. I hope McNugget gets the boot long before Wenger. He's probably getting as much out of his team as anyone else could. Besides that he's great to watch.

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  75. Wengers real problem is he raised expectations so high, I mean why is everyone obsessed with arsenal? Maybe its like the Spartans at the Thermopylae suicide mission who almost by that single act established the Spartan mirage of invincibility (only to get stuffed once and for all a hundred years later by epimonidas' homosexual who minced victoriously into battle at Leuctra) ...similarly arsenals Invincibles have an almost legendary status. It was like arsenal were super human for a while.now with the incremental losses, with every little a-fabregas-replaced-by-an-arteta moment they've slowly but inexorably and to everyones apparent disbelief, become 'above average'. Still a good team, just not invincible. Are bayern munchen homosexual, btw? Is this The End for wenger? Can't be far off now surely?

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    1. Homosexual? No. Bestiality is possible (Schweinsteiger translates as "pig mounter"). I'm not sure the Gooners have actually got worse over the last 7 years, at least if you look at the summary:
      •2011-12 - 3rd, FA Cup fifth, Lge Cup QF
      •2010-11 - 4th, FA Cup sixth, Lge Cup final
      •2009-10 - 3rd, FA Cup 4th, Lge Cup QF
      •2008-09 - 4th, FA Cup SF, Lge cup QF
      •2007-08 - 3rd, FA Cup 5th, Lge cup SF
      •2006-07 - 4th, FA Cup 5th, Lge cup F
      •2005-06 - 4th, FA Cup 4th, Lge Cup SF

      Some other clubs (Spurs, Fand Abu Dhabi Dozy) have got better in that period, some (Liverpool) worse. I think it's that, in Wenger's first few years, he raised the bar a long way, and others have bought into his methods. While the Board keeps a lot of the cash, Arsenal will not improve, and failure to secure Champions League football next season would probably result in a mass exodus of the quality players (Wilshere), and an inability to get replacements of the same quality.


      Jedi

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  76. The only place where Wengers job is in any danger is in the mind of the meedja.
    Stan Kroenke is not Roman Abromovic and KSG is not FSG.

    I don't think there's many that quite understand the level of power that Wenger has at Arsenal, there's not a manager in the country, not even SAF, who has the level of influence he does. He literaly runs the show from top to bottom and his influences can be seen from the horseshoe dressingroom to the strategicaly placed gaps in the stadium structure that allows sunshine in to nourish every blade of grass on the field.

    He has the full support of the board who work under a strict no interference policy when it comes to all things football related and they just let him get on with it, make no mistakes, Arsene calls the shots.

    It would take a fan revolt of epic proportions for that structure to be brought into question, even then I can only ever see Arsene moving upstairs to "make way" for a successor. Unless he decides he's had enough and walks himself.

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  77. Maybe he just took over a good team with a great defense which he never replaced.
    Del

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  78. I've just read David Ornstein's piece on the BBC about Wenger's job. Spot on. That is exactly how BBC journalists should report. As opposed to the scaremongering, bull shit based gutter rumour, ill-considered perception, I know something that I can't tell you garbage that their main man, Phil, contrives.

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    1. Just seen that, pretty much backs up what I said above.

      I read nothing anymore from McNulty, it's sensationalism at best generated to garner reaction from the hard of thinking, not even worthy of the gutter press and I'm surprised that a once well respected institution as the BBC allow it to continue.

      Feed them cake.

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  79. Jedi.

    I don't really believe that the board keeps the cash, I believe AW is too stuborn to spend it. His belief in his team and his methods borderline on insane over confidence.

    As for the mass exodus if we fail to reach the CL, who have we really got left to lose?

    Jack Wilshere will ofcourse be the obvious exodi(!?) what with him being the new great white hope and the best thing since sliced bread and all that guff, but he along with Walcott, Gibbs, Ramsey, Jenks and Ox have all signed new long term contracts.

    Arshavin and Squidys contracts are up at the end of the season, Bendy, Park (who?) and Chamakh are out on loan and can stay out as far as I'm concerned.

    Giroud, Podolski, Monreal and Carzola are in their first year, Arteta, Sagna and Rosicky are the wrong side of thirty and beyond them I can't see clubs knocking down our doors to take any of the rest, I'd personaly pay the taxi if anyone wants to take Diaby or Gervinho.

    In terms of the CL, we're in exactly the same place we were last season, we'd just lost 4-0 to AC Milan. Arsene doesn't give a rats arse about the domestic cups (GRRRR) never really has, no matter what he says. He sees the top 4 as the be all and end all of football. In that regard we are better off then we were this time last year as the gap to reach Sp*rs is considerably smaller, one major difference is that Twitchy's not around to drop an 11 point lead by showing his knickers to the F.A.

    But that said, never underestimate the power of the spuds to totally self destruct. ;)

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    1. We'll see H2 (and it's fair to point out that Chelski could also self destruct, especially if they get a fixture pile up and keep R*f*).

      If I were a Gooner (and it's pretty obvious I'm not), I'd agree with your analysis, but it's not a good reflection on your manager's buying talent over the last 7-8 years, going from the Invincibles to the Invisibles.


      Jedi

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  80. Is it the end for the BBCs chief football writer? He hasn't garnered a single compliment in eight seasons now. Surely the board will sack him soon.the guy knows less about football than my nan and she dead, bless her.

    As for wenger the argument seems to be no one could have done better.I'm sorry but that's Bollocks.if they'd had Harry in there arsenal would have won the Championship (sic) title by now.

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  81. sliced bread is over-rated. Self destructing Spuds though? Wow, that'd be amazing. Where do they grow 'em?

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    1. In the marshlands at the stinky end of the Seven Sisters Road, (aka N17)

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    2. The entire Seven Sisters Road was stinky especially the Nags Head market (which did smell like a Nags Head) so pick your end in that respect

      At least the Arsenal End had McDonalds and the cinema there.

      I was back there last year and they've covered over the market and have some sort of department store and indoor shopping parade on Holloway Road but Seven Sisters still looks run down and probably always will

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  82. Well I am warming up my vocals for tonight AH - been practising You'll never walk alone. Sadly I don't know any Zenit chants otherwise I would have happily supported them as requested

    Sadly I do get a sense of foreboding every time we play now, you can never underestimate how easy it is to lose the lead with R*f* in charge - we even lost at Bingo last night Trotts. Not so much Two Fat Ladies but One Fat Spanish Waiter

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  83. Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers is drawing on the spirit of the 'ghost goal' - against Chelsea in the semi-final by Luis Garcia - that took the club to the 2005 Champions League final in a bid to turn around their Europa League tie against Zenit St Petersburg at Anfield on Thursday.
    Full story: Daily Telegraph


    As a manager he's not good or bad.

    He's a medium.

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  84. http://www.sincearsenallastwonatrophy.co.uk/

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  85. There was no such thing as computers when Ipswich last won a trophy mind.

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    1. Sundials don't have quite the same effect.

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    2. Not really,ye olde trophye winners.

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    3. I'm sure I don't need to remind you about our FA Cup victory H.

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    4. Indeed you don't, sir.

      I cried almost all the way home from Wembley.

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    5. That wasn't very far in those days though to be fair - you'd have been crying a lot longer on the way home after the final against Birmingham in 2011

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  86. Coventry City: Phone-in fan who did not know score

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21534620

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    1. I liked the phone-in host's Alan Partridge impression.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2D3-FkoXNU

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  87. Bloody hell..Steed Malbranque coming in for Lyon against SPurs...there's a blast from the past...he must be atleast 65.

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  88. Metalist 0-1 Newcastle (agg 0-0) 1800 GMT

    Strange!

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  89. Take a bow Spurs. To score a 90th minute goal away in Europe to get to the next round is truly great stuff.

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  90. I understand that Carra is retiring at the end of the season and wants at least an assist for the season, but did he really need to provide an assist to Zenit?

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  91. Absolutely rocking tie at Anfield. I still don't see us scoring 2 more without reply, but great game anyhow.

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  92. Great tactical change from Brenda there - Liverpool score three and have all the momentum, plus 30 minutes to score another. Rodgers makes two changes, Liverpool lose their shape and stutter out of Europe. Unlucky AH. Looks like Rafa and AVB used up the British quota of last minute winners.

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  93. I don't really mind. We were never going to win this anyway seeing the quality of the teams in the competition. Let's see what it does for the last 11games of the league.

    I'm also thrilled Rafa won. Anything that goes a little way to securing the Chelsea job for him next season is welcome.

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    1. If winning the Champions League and FA Cup isn't enough to warrant a full follow-up season, I'm not too worried about Rafa staying a while after winning the Europa League.

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    2. Unless Nando gets the winning goal, in which case, both will get 8 year contract extensions (which means he will be there for another 6 months).

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    3. maybe you'll get harry redknapp next season - bankrupt and relegated by 2015

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