Thursday, 30 May 2013

The Dark and Very Bleak Ages.

Gary Lineker says England's football is going back to the Dark Ages. It's hard not to agree.

During training Wayne Rooney and Phil Jagielka cleaned out the hog's bladder by hand. Ashley Cole stitched it up before it was inflated by some hot air from a Roy Hodgson press conference.

Meanwhile, out in the woods, James Milner and Joe Hart lopped down an entire copse of silver birches and fashioned a set of goalposts from it. Woy led training with a hawkish eye, ensuring that the players didn't at any moment take their eyes of the bear they were bating. And after a hard shift, they all relaxed with a spit-roast stag and a glass of mead.

On the other hand, 1-1 against the Republic of Ireland in a fecking awful game is par for the course. I seem to remember St. Gary bundling in a goal at the start of Italia '90 that had all the precision and elegance of a drunk falling down the stairs. That was a pretty dark game too.

But this 4-4-2 nonsense that dogs England footballers has got to stop. The only thing to be said in its favour is that at least the players understand it. They've been playing it all their lives. From the moment they stepped on to a muddy windswept footy field as a seven-year-old - almost certainly a full-size pitch - they've had some old croak on the touchline bellowing at them about keeping their shape. (Ironically the man in question has very often entirely lost his own shape).

English footballers are treated like privates in a regimented platoon. Everyone has his job. Obey that and you'll be fine. If you're a centre-half don't start doing keepy-uppies. If you're a full-back, we might let you bomb on - but only very rarely.

I'm not sure I've ever seen an England team play in such horrible straight lines. Even Rooney, who does have a footballing brain even if that leaves very little cortex left over to include owt else, couldn't fashion anything like an inspirational moment. But then England have for far too long relied on a bloke who, like the Artist Formerly Known As Prince, needs to be renamed as On The Wane Rooney.

Certainly there is now officially nothing to be optimistic about when it comes to the England team. That is unless you see something hopeful in the fact that Sturridge was 'lively' in the first half. That's the sort of patronising description you hand out to a third tier team when they get a goal at Stamford Bridge in the third round of the FA Cup.

Sturridge won't be off to the Maracana with he rest of the England journeymen. Maybe that stadium will lift the team to new heights. Well I say heights. Just off the floor might be a start. It's hard to imagine anything other than Brazil absolutely ripping apart a team that seems shorn of anything resembling wit or spark.

It's worth saying that England are always shit at this time of the year. The players have been through a long season - although given the Champions League showings not as long as it might have been. Then again, when do the World Cups and Euros happen? At THIS time of year. It can't simply be fatigue. The other factor is... and whisper it because Roy won't admit it and even the FIFA rankings connive in it... England are not very good.

All right so there was no Gerrard or Wilshere but pretty much everyone else picked themselves. OK it was a friendly, and they're always a bit flat. Carrick was England's best player, just about. The holding midfielder. You think about England in recent years and very often the best player on the park is the one who plays there: Owen Hargreaves running his bony little knees off; Scotty Parker flinging himself like a rabid bodyguard in the way of strikes at goal.

These players stand out because, for too much more than half the time, England DON'T HAVE THE BALL. One chump or another has just plonked it back to the opposition. If that opposition is Ireland then don't worry too much, they'll be kicking it back to you very soon. If it's Italy, or Spain, or Brazil, you simply won't see the ball again for a good five minutes.

It doesn't really matter what Hodgson says. In fact the more he opens his mouth the less you believe that he believes what he's saying. Look at Dortmund. The game has moved on. The old English virtues of commitment, passion, physicality - well, everyone does that now, boys - look at Dortmund. And the difference with Dortmund is they include the other vital ingredient of PASSING THE BALL TO EACH OTHER!!!!

They also have flexible versatile footballers who don't worry too much about interchanging positions; who look for space to exploit rather than the place they should be.

Those of us that endure the Revie and post-Revie doldrums, well you should get ready for some more. England will not qualify for the next World Cup. They are simply not good enough. Not by a long, long chalk. Chalk being the writing implement of choice for a Dark Ages football coach.

249 comments:

  1. On the Wane Rooney, lovely :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Worth the wait.

    Now we know what happened to the rest of the Stoke swine.

    At least you didn't lose 4-2 to Belgium. Not yet, anyway.

    "English footballers are treated like privates in a regimented platoon." Beaten mercilessly?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Agree with some of what you say but Carrick was not Man of the Match in my opinion. He lost the ball a lot and didn't show his Man Utd form. Ashley Cole got my vote as Man of the Match and not because it was his '100th cap'!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The only good that came out of last night's game was to confirm in my eyes that irrespective of who he plays for, Wayne is definitely 'on the wane'. As a Man Utd fan, he has been a great player for us, but I think he is past his best and if we can get £30M for him it will be good business!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good business???

      That would be the heist of the century.

      Delete
  5. We are poor,always have been and always will be.

    Football in this country is PL/CL first everything else go hang.That,combined with a merciless meeja,means England will never progress unless a manager is given time with A)the players and B)the meeja.

    ReplyDelete
  6. http://thesunshineroom.com/2013/05/30/bullshit-rodeo/

    This made me chuckle.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Fuck it ... I wish I bothered watching the game now .... it sounded so shite it would have sorted out my insomnia.

    Oh well, decent result for Ireland at any rate.

    ReplyDelete
  8. good stuff Robbo, except the bit about Carrick, never seen him give the ball away so much, he wasn't aware of the fact that the irish lads were all chasing like fuckin' terriers. This pressure forced Carrick to ground a few times which is very unusual. Ox couldn't finish his own name, nevermind a scoring chance. He's nowhere near ready so it's good that he plays as one day he might be. Rooney's been up all night and every night feeding Klay so he gets another pass. Load o' crap but credit to the Irish who should be about 3rd in the world rankings if the truth were known. Of course this game is irrelevant, not even a blip on our journey to World Cup glory!

    ReplyDelete
  9. All said and done, what's the fucking point of holding a friendly at this time of year anyway? Everyone'll have both eyes on their hols in sunny wherever rather than lining up on a damp evening for a game that has no relevance to anything important.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Didn't watch the game, didn't want to. A meaningless friendly two weeks after the end of the season when the players probably wanted to, and really should have, been on the beach sipping Virgin Pina Coladas, or in Wayne's case a few pints of stout.

    It's the same old, same old and frankly it's beyond tedious. A new manager, new in the broadest sense of the meaning as far as Woy is concerned, comes in, a few good results follow, maybe a few younger players are drafted in and the new manager is the best thing since sliced bread, until........

    It all reverts back to type. The same tired players get carted out in the same old positions with the same old tactics and out come the vultures to pick at the carcus that is the England national team.

    Why can't everyone just wake the fuck up and come to the conclusion that quite a few of us have had for years and that is that we are just not as good as we believe we are. The stupid money available to the so called stars of the PL is to blame for the belef that the players are something that they are not. The guy above says " if we can get £30M for him it will be good business!" when talking about Rooney. Like it was the most normal thing in the world. Lest we forget that Wazza will also demand a weekly wage of 200,000 plus a week, it's no wonder we have delusions of grandure.

    It's not just his fault, look at average players like Milner and Barry, they also earn stupid quid a week playing for the oil fueled clubs, City and Chelsea have completly distorted an already ridiculous wage structure.

    Theo Walcott managed to wrangle himself a ton a week deal and leading up to it all we heard was that Arsenal would "be mad" not to give him what he wanted. He is now our highest earner and he is in no way our best player, maybe just our most marketable in the U.K as a clean cut English lad that can actualy string together a few coherent sentences. Well, bully for him and great for the national team, because he's earning a fortune so he must be great, right? OH!

    England will not qualify for the next World Cup. They are simply not good enough. Not by a long, long chalk.

    Disagree I'm afraid, not about the "not good enough" bit, but England probably will qualify, if not as group winners then with the ridiculous safety net that is the second place play off, with a seeding and a decent draw that shouldn't be beyond even them, and that is the biggest problem of all, because once we get there we are then shown up to be the second rate team we really are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Second rate, H2? Are you sure?

      We must have improved recently. Game I watched was about fifth rate.

      Still think England will qualify for the World Cup, but then comes the embarrassing bit.



      Jedi

      Delete
  11. As an Irish fan I never got why England fans are so hyped for their chances in every tourney. England *arguably* are in the top 10 teams in the world (Would stick Germany, Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, Holland, Argentina, Brazil, Uruguay above them at a minimum... prob some more Eastern Europe/African teams as well) and never look convincing in qualifications or group stages.

    I'm sure England will qualify, and possibly go as far as the quarters depending on how teams are drawn, but winning? Not a hope in hell.

    As for Ireland, it was nice to see a great goal scored and a draw was alright. I expect us to qualify for World Cup before getting hammered by everyone in a "Group of Death", and cheer every minute of it :D

    ReplyDelete
  12. Just had a quik look at the England team sheet from last night.

    They played a 4-4-2?

    No wonder it was crap.

    Most to those players should be used to 4-3-3, so that would mean that the coach is not tacticaly estute.

    AOC starts for England, yet hardly makes it off the subs bench for anything more then a late cameo tells it's own story. as those the inclusion of Defoe and Rooney (I'm guessing) as the front two, but there's just no one else, is there? Yes Adam, I know Welbeck is there too, but he's not much better, if at all, then Defoe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't rate Welbeck as any striker who plays for Man Utd and only scores 2 goals all season should not be playing for United let alone England. Welbeck is like a rubbish Forlan all work and no goals (although Forlan has actually started scoring them). Welbeck needs to go abroad and learn to pass the ball and put better technique in his shots or go to Scotland and score lots of goals against rubbish teams.

      4-4-2 isn't bad but you need to be flexible with it. Rooney & Sturridge up front is probably the way forward and if Zaha settles in the PL well then pick him instead of Oxo Cube

      Delete
  13. Star,

    Here's a cure for your insomnia.

    Whenever Mrs Jack isn't sleeping very well,I wait at the bottom of the stairs until Mrs Jack is in bed,then I shout up "When I get up there,I'm going to give you the biggest shagging you've ever had in your life".

    Enter the bedroom,Mrs Jack fast asleep.

    Works every time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Star will be very worried if you turn up and shout that from the bottom of his stairs though

      Delete
    2. Funny, Mrs. Jack tends to perk up when I shout that at her.

      Delete
    3. Reply button now working.

      Oh I don't know Adam,I quite fancy a trip to Kent.

      Broadstairs is lovely if the sun is out.

      Delete
  14. Then again, some has to appear at the long-term costs imposed
    past each. All the ponds level of course won't drop underneath the skimmer opening.

    my blog ... zespół muzyczny Bydgoszcz

    ReplyDelete
  15. On a different note, will someone please explain to me why cricket cannot be played when the ground is wet or there is low light, yet the matches are scheduled for outdoor venues, often with no floodlights, in a country where it rains incessantly?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you can't have a soft wicket or the ball won't bounce, you can't play in low light as a 130mph bouncer can kill someone. Breaks for rain and low light are a good reason to go to the bar which is the main purpose of cricket. When the sun does come out, there's nothing like a good drunken sun burn.

      Delete
    2. Really, the only legit excuse in there that can be addressed by decent planning is the trip to the bar. And I suppose if that's the whole point, then you've got it spot on.

      I suppose that's the advantage of baseball, in that the bar comes to you throughout.

      Delete
    3. beer delivery...that must be part of the reason for the obesity epidemic!

      Delete
    4. If the Yanks had any half-decent beer the "bar coming to you" bit would tempt me to emigrate. Unfortunately, their beer is shite, so I'm staying put.

      Delete
  16. In short...

    England are the West Ham of international football.

    -Top ten, only just, leaving one wondering how that happened.
    -Outdated, boring style with occasional changes offering a glimmer of hope.
    -Pining for the glory days because they don't seem to be coming around again any time soon
    -Reasonable youth come through but don't quite pan out (for the side in question, anyway)
    -About as many upsets as times upset, plenty of draws, and too many "we only lost by one; they were the better team."
    -Handful of decent players, but too few Spaniards or South Americans to challenge for silverware.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always thought that there weren't enough foriegners in the England team.

      Delete
  17. Reply button not working.

    Funnily enough Stephen,Mrs Jack has mentioned that.

    She says you have something that looks like a penis.

    Only smaller.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  18. Adam.

    First I was about to commend you on actualy being able to spot a player in a Utd shirt that was a bit shit, although it wasn't too long ago that you was saying he could walk into any team.

    But then you go and say Zaha should be in the set up? Based on what?
    Oh yeah, probably the fact that Utd splashed 15mill on him so he must be pretty decent................... HOLD UP!!!

    This is the way of thinking that has got us where we are today. The only reaason Zaha is "worth" that is because he has a British passport, he hasn't done fuck all yet. O.K he's the best player from a team who scrapped through the play offs in to the PL. So what? I'd be surprised if he could make it into the Yanited team let alone the England set up, he'd be better going out on loan.

    Big money teams are ruining the young England players prospects, you only have to look at what's happened to Sinclair and Rodwell at City to see the perils of going to a big club at an early age.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would recommend Zaha IF he does well in his 1st season at United as he has been performing extremely well with the Under 21s but I would expect him to be getting substantial playing time and putting in good performances to warrant it not just because we'd signed him because that would be a bit silly.

      He has already received a call up based on his performances at Crystal Palace and if he repeats them then yes I'd like to see him called up

      Delete
  19. it's definitely groundhog day!

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's always Groundhog day after Engeland have played.

    Only parelel universe versions.

    In the win universe, everything is great and we are the best since the Sliced Bread XI of 1969.

    In the draw/lose universe we are shit and the future is bleak.

    DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I still think there was some sinister goings-on behind SAF's retirement. Maybe the FA put pressure on the United board to get SAF to retire so that he could be the next England manager?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why would he want that shitty job?

      Delete
    2. i'd look forward to Moyes tellin' him that he can have Wazza but they other 5 are all injured.

      Delete
  22. Spanish paper Marca claims Real Madrid have struck a £40m deal with Liverpool for Luis Suarez.
    ----------------------------------
    Told ya. He was never gonna play for us again, not after the biting and all the noise from LFC was to ensure we werent forced into a distress sale.

    So assuming this is true, 40 mil for Luis, 15 for Carroll and a 20 mil summer spending budget makes for 75 mil. Thats not bad for a transfer kitty. Pity we seem to be buying Celta Vigo and Reading with the money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Marca is a Real Madrid propergander rag.

      Wait until it's on an offical site.

      Delete
    2. Last I heard, Andy Pandy was returning to 'fight for his place' at Liverpool. i.e. 'West Ham are a bit shit, and I want to either sit on the bench at Anfield, or get loaned somewhere nicer.'

      Delete
    3. Why does Brenda talk such convoluted bollocks? As a pseudo-intellectual he actually makes Joey Barton sound intelligent.

      Delete
  23. Just read some reports.

    Sturidge out for the Brazil game.

    With 35mil striker (stop laughing) also pulling out due to injury, that leaves Rooney (who's not really a striker), Welbeck(who's not really a footballer) and Defoe (really?) over.

    Not much of a choice now is it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cahill and Fat Frank up front then!

      Delete
    2. They probably both scored more then Crouch.

      Delete
    3. Crouch actually has a decent scoring record for England (and not just with Abby Clancy).

      How? Er ...


      Jedi

      Delete
  24. Odd, Reply seems inconsistent.

    Jacks, I call it a penish. Does perk her up. She laughs herself right out of the bed. Usually looks like this in there:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e57_j6nK5oA

    (Starts about a minute in.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen,are you suggesting Mrs Jack looks like Terry Jones?

      How dare you.

      She's the spitting image of Terry Gilliam....

      (excellent choice of sketch though)

      Delete
    2. I would have though it would looked more like this.

      Delete


    3. Sorry, I don't know where the link went in the post above.

      Delete
    4. and again the link has disappeared. oi-vey

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCwLirQS2-o

      Delete
    5. I'm guessing the Blogspot posting algorithm didn't like the <, and > I had placed around the link.

      Delete
  25. Good news!!! The stadium where England's friendly, and the World Cup next year, will be played is unsafe so the game has been postponed. So England won't get thrashed on the weekend, and we'll still be a great team that is better than Brazil, cos the FIFA rankings say so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bad news!!! It's back on again.

      Delete
  26. "Thats not bad for a transfer kitty"

    AH, be careful what you wish for. I hear tails they're lining up some well-bred signings. Management thinks the targets are purrfectly feline but the fans are having kittens. Are you implying the Reading and Celta Vigo boys aren't up to scratch?

    ReplyDelete
  27. England will not qualify for the next World Cup. They are simply not good enough. Not by a long, long chalk.

    I agree Robbo, we are not good enough. Whether we do or not will make little or no difference to how football is run in England. If we do, then everything is rosy, we are doing the right thing because results prove it. If we don't, there'll be a lot of soul wrenching and wringing of hands and noises about academies and new coaching programs but fuck all will come of it.... yes Trott, it's groundhog day.

    ReplyDelete
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  30. TOM POPE FOR ENGLAND!


    NORMAN SMURTHWAIT FOR POPE!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I could write a lengthy and near-on 100% accurate report of Ingurland v Ireland. You might geuss from the clue in that sentence that I didn't see the game.

    The report writes itself. Dull inspiration-free football from an overpaid and under-talented team whose best player is well past his best (love the new name for Wazza, Robbo!) and whose best youngsters seem to be far too injury-prone to be relied on. It doesn't matter who the manager is, even José would be hard-pushed to improve this team, which is essentially of mid-table Championship standard.

    Even with a fully fit team, Ingurland will struggle to qualify for the World Cup, and frankly I'm past caring.

    I will however watch the Brazil game and delight in watching some real football and hope we get a severe thrashing which might actually give the FA the kick up the 'arris they need to actually do something about standards in our game instead of merely serving up mealy-mouthed platitudes all the time.

    We're all going to die.

    ReplyDelete
  32. We're on that tantalising edge of sometimes nearly being good enough but not quite. Most teams aren't even there and will never win anything ever.we still might win again one day and that's something.and Rogers right, we're all going to die and in 7.5 billion years, the Sun will have expanded to a radius of 256 times its current size and the earth will be engulfed leaving NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO trace that any of us ever even existed.

    So stop moaning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. can you remind me closer to the time Blog? I'll not put the milk bottles out.

      Delete
    2. I'm going to sell my "We're all going to die" app to Facebook and blow all the cash on buying Wazza so I can employ him as curmudgeonly retainer that no-one understands. I might buy Brenda a book on Semantic Dialectism and introduce him to Joey Barton. That should be fun.

      Delete
    3. I have been comforting drinking due to no pictures of The Yummy One on here, my radius will be about 255 3/4 time its current size, probably by mid-June, should I be at all worried?

      Delete
    4. Only if they don't make bras in your size...

      Delete
  33. That was my attempt to invent an emoticon for an emotion which doesn't exist

    ReplyDelete
  34. That's my effort at an emoticon for existential despair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't Joy Division the emoticon for that

      Delete
  35. There's probably a dozen potential teenage Maradonna/messi/neymars in England but whatever they're doing, its not football. they'll emerge from their bedrooms in ten years time blinking on the light with nothing to show for it but acne, obesity, 25000 'friends' on Facebook, a porn habit and the global high score on Angry Birds.

    ReplyDelete
  36. ta Blog, knew we could count on you. 7.5 billion years will pass fast you know and we don't want to be in a last minute rush. I'll be putting together a Robbo Rocket to go out and find a new planet that can sustain us and grow grass (and hops). Fertile females will of course get priority boarding assignments.

    ReplyDelete
  37. He's probably already got his spacesuit on under his kit.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Wiggo robbed of his chance to come second in the tdf by dodgy knee

    I bet he's gutted

    ReplyDelete
  39. French cup final, Evian v Bordeaux, are all their teams named after beverages? We should have that in the Prem, Newcastle Brown. Thwaites's Rovers. Boddingtons Wanderers, Fullers Hotspur, Pinocolada Gooners etc.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Pint of Piss united..... Poisoned chalice city....

    ReplyDelete
  41. Never mind corruption, this, in a nutshell, is why Blatter should go. Decades behind the times.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22740113

    ReplyDelete
  42. Gardens a pain in the ass ain't it.
    Spend all day hacking down the long grass and weeds and then a year later you've got to do it aaall over again.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Spambot probably has a solution for you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Do what I have done Blog, fill it with cement.

    ReplyDelete
  45. That would definitely make the body more difficult to find Bo.

    ReplyDelete
  46. 夢想+幽默+現實+o=智慧

    (Dreams + Reality + Humour + football= Wisdom)

    ReplyDelete
  47. So that's what the tattoo on Robbo's backside says!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hope mourinho knows what he's doing.....

     After Sibneft, Abramovich's next target was the aluminium industry. After privatisation the 'aluminium wars' led to murders of smelting plant managers, metals traders and journalists as groups battled for control of the industry. Abramovich famously emerged winner in the aluminium wars. The Times stated that in a BBC investigation into Abramovich's wealth, reporter John Sweeney noted that, after the oligarch (Abramovich) emerged at the top of the trade, the murders stopped.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Jacks....

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/fashion/2013/jun/02/barbers-high-street-men-retro

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Obviously with my new found wealth I shall buy a large yacht.

      Handy for me living about as far away from the sea as possible,but now I'm loaded.....

      Delete
    2. makes a change from the hair shirt, jacks

      COAT!

      Delete
  50. Theo : Run like fuck and pass to a Brazilian. 70 minutes to prove me wrong but I'd rather have Morecambe and Wise in the team than him and Johnson.

    ReplyDelete
  51. that should put the USA in FIFA's top 3.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 4-3 was a good result for the US. Even if it was a Germany B team.

      Delete
  52. 2 fucking 1.

    rooney the genius.

    apologies due, lineker, robbo, everyone above except me cough cough cough

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ok 2-2 insincere and begrudging apologies due are mine

      Delete
    2. 3-2 england!

      could have been...

      Delete
    3. World Cup? it's in the bag, trots!

      Delete
  53. eat your words neymar you overhyped fancy little twat

    ReplyDelete
  54. i think hodgsons job is safe until the next woeful performance jerks the meeja lynchmob-in-waiting into action and demand the FA replace him with teh PE teacher out of KES

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brian Glover.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3cayRMnVb8

      Delete
    2. was that walcott or billy casper on the right wing v brazil last night?

      Delete
  55. Wow... 4-3 US. As Anon suggested, I believe we're #3 now. Right behind England and Spain, and barely ahead of Argentina and Gibraltar. Altidore goal was a peach, Dempsey had a pair, and Ter Stegen played his last match for Germany.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Hodgson's job is safe for as long as he wants it but I expevct he'll retire after we win the World Cup and we all start calling him Sir Woy.

    ReplyDelete
  57. well lineker you cant say that was boring old 4-4-2 last night. more like 7-2-1.

    ReplyDelete
  58. So. where's the England are great again blog?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if anything, England are equal with Brazil. They are unfortunately also equal with ROI which is very depressing.

      Delete
  59. 'ello lads,

    how goes?

    On Saturday I had the good fortune to attend the Stuttgart vs. Bayern final of the DFB Pokal (German version of the FA Cup) and it was an absolute splendid experience. No one gave Stuttgart a hope in hell before the game but the fans (sat amongst the stuttgart faithful) created one of the most wonderful atmospheres. Stuttgart started well and had a couple of decent chances to take lead but only ended up conceding one to a dodgy penalty. Only heard the Bayern fans once they went in lead. Bayern lead 3:0 but then came the stuttgart fight back and got 2 goals back. They had chances to force it to 3:3 and extra time but alas it wast to be. Had they scored again, Bayern had already subbed Robben, Ribery and Gomez where as Schweinsteiger, madzukic were on yellow cards, could have been a very interesting extra time.

    Alas it weren't to be but if it remains my only ever cup final that I attend, then it was something unforgettable.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Easy 'Bells.... Easy.....

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22752817

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Jose Mourinho has said on Spanish television that he expects to be reappointed as Chelsea manager by the end of the week." And, presumably, fired by the end of the season.

      Think Bells might be too "busy" to post on here for a while, H2 (unless Robbo does an article with lots of pictures of you know who).


      Jedi

      Delete
    2. This is indeed VERY exciting news

      I would like to point out to you all how very restrained I have been in not mentioning him very much on here, I mean imagine how annoying I would be if I was obsessed with the man

      Delete
    3. Bells I can barely remember you mentioning J*** M******* on here at all.

      Please pass our condolences to Mr BHB.


      Jedi

      Delete
  61. The next season is setting up to be a cracker.

    Mourinho, Pellegrini, Moyes in his new role, LFC might decide they want to step up their investments, Tottenham have ambitions...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wenger tracking rooneys availability....cant see it happening but it does suggest arsenal have found the key to the safe

      Delete
    2. I dont know how Kai could be otherwise unavailable for a contract...

      Delete
    3. Either that, or Wenger spinning a line. Can't see him being interested in Rooney at this stage in his career.


      Jedi

      Delete
    4. That's a misquote blog, taken from an interview Wenger gave on Al Jazera.

      He said that most clubs would be interested in signing Rooney, the Daily Fail twists it to "Wenger wants Rooney". Silly Season tactics 101.

      Delete
    5. Rooney's choice, if they want him that is, would be between Citeh and the Chavs, he is not an Arsene type player, not at that price and definetly not on those wages.

      Wazza going abroad? Can't see it myself, but if he did then options would be limited to Real, PSG, Monaco or one of the silly rich Russian clubs.

      He'll most probably work it out with Moyes and stay at Manure.

      Delete
    6. LFC definitely stepping up their investments to enter the big leagues. First Kolo, then Aspas, now apparently someone who isnt wanted by Sporting Lisbon.

      Bear in mind though, I made similar comments about Sturridge and Coutinho(the latter now being touted by me as the gamechanger we have missed for so long), so what do I know.

      Delete
    7. please don't send your next wave of surplus, washed-up-never-was and never will be talent to us.

      Delete
    8. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    9. Yeah, you're fully stocked in that department.:)

      Delete
    10. yes we are but most worrisome is that LFC seem to have an endless supply!

      Delete
    11. You only get the bits that Woy doesnt add to the English team.

      Delete
    12. Sorry all, I've only just got back from holiday Funny, the day after I left Turkey the rioting started....

      Seriously, does that mean that out of Chelsea ManU and Citeh, as only one team can win the league, the other two teams will sack the manager as finishing 2nd/3rd is obviously an unmitigated disaster?

      (Sorry if I've upset BHB by suggesting that the return of the Yummy One will only be a short swan-song!)

      I'm assuming they will progress no further than the QFs in the Champs League (or until they meet a decent Spanish or German team!)

      Spider

      Delete
  62. http://www.chelseafc.com/news-article/article/3199099/title/mourinho-appointed

    Itsd official -

    BHB will be attending every game, training session, press conference and other event she can without getting arrested for stalking (sorry admiring from afar or near) Mr Mourinho

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. woohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

      as us serious footballs fans like to say

      Delete
  63. The great thing is AH will pick them in his FFL team and they will promptly get injured

    ReplyDelete
  64. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Here 'Bells, The gang is back...........

    http://abload.de/img/moureturrrrrnedj4n.gif

    ReplyDelete
  66. mourinho has a 300 million transfer kitty so we'll take Mata on loan, please.

    ReplyDelete
  67. 300 million transfer kitty?

    Glad to see he's making an effort to adhere to the FFP rules.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes they are. Apparently a little known Russian firm has signed a 301 million quid deal to get their names on the chelsea shirt.

      Delete
  68. Torres' replacement?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZzDB70d9AUU

    ReplyDelete
  69. False dichotomies.

    You either love them or you hate them.

    ReplyDelete
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  72. Does your key fit the fridge? Are you a cunt? Get Thy cat moving between biscuits with this synchrotron that can be, helping you to clearing the leaves from your guttering.

    You can't visit my www.page as I don't have got one.

    ReplyDelete
  73. My cat fits in the fridge - I had to look up the word synchroton as I may not be a **** but I must be a bit dim. As for clearing my guttering I tend to rely on a mixture of prunes and Senna pod

    Please visit my imaginary website www.whynopicturesofJoseonhere.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. just looked it up myself, bells, and was surprised to see it exists so ive ordered one from amazon, theyre on offer at the mo

      and im sorry to say this,bells, but the chelsea don juanager is looking a bit rough round the edges these days in fact in the paper this morning his head looked like a baked tennis ball. he needs a synchrotron.

      Delete
    2. as it so happens, I am very partial to the baked tennis ball look

      Delete
    3. that's the risk you take when you borrow Christiano's tanning spray.

      Delete
  74. WTF is everyone talking about ? Have the spambots won ? Are we all spambots now ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a spambot................ and so is my wife.

      Delete
  75. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  76. This comment has been removed by a spambot.

    ReplyDelete
  77. This comment has been removed by the author with too much time on his hands.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. another way to pass the time - should you happen to have too much time on your hands - is to play Supermarket Scrabble when next out shopping.

      It is amazingly childish but very amusing and for those not in the know just consists of rearranging herb jars so the large starting letter of the jars spells out a word, obviously something immature like BOOBS

      Delete
    2. 5 letter words!!!!

      wow, you're good.

      Delete
  78. This is the type of comment you get in the off season.

    ReplyDelete
  79. My record is eight letters with clitoris

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you stop writing him because he was a bit of a cu..........

      Delete
  80. Very glad to see MD has his cancer licked btw

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any desease can be cured by having one of the Douglas family came round and give you a good licking. MD's got cancer beat, Kirk can rid you of a nasty bout of the measels with a nice toungue lashing. As for Catherine....... well she'd just make you feel better, wouldn't she?

      Delete
  81. Bells I used to play that game when I went shoplifting with my fellow herberts as a kid. I stole things to spell 'Ching'! or when the red mist of larceny was upon me 'Thankyousir'! Made me feel less guilty.

    ReplyDelete
  82. More Good news on the management merry go-round. After Bells gets her dream manager, Joanna Krupa is named as new Port Vale manager (it would be worth relegation)

    ReplyDelete
  83. yo, Blog, how's your shoulder? Have you got a new bike? Get yer Liverpool kit out and join the Shankly bike ride....you'll get to visit Glasgow, Carlisle, Preston and Liverpool, what more could anybody wish for?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-22768694

    ReplyDelete
  84. My bikes fine trot, thanks, and it was my already slightly bent number 2 bike i crashed...my arms on the mend but breaking it fucked me up big time. Such is life.

    Think I'll give the Tour de Shitholes a miss....Aiming for the Dunwich Dynamo night ride but don't get me started cos I luv my bike, I luv my family and I luv the vale and frankly I don't give much of a shit about anything else at all.

    How's life in noo joisey, Trotsky?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, your priorities are in order then!

      Alright here I think but not certain, haven't left the house since they legalized on-line gambling. It's warm out according to the kids!

      Delete
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    1. that sounds a lot like the assembly instructions for our gas barbecue.

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  86. This is no spambot its a series of portentous oracular pronouncements.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's McNumpty moonlighting.

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  89. The last two spambots sound like poetry.

    Please start the football season already!

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    This is several consumers of a buy out and Needle-Drop licenses.



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  91. Sunday's breakfast,lunch and dinner has been removed by a food poisoning bot.

    I've lost 4 pounds.

    I knew I should never have put that money on Liverpool to win the league.

    Ho Ho.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Dear Mr Spambot.

    Frankie Knuckles is not a rapper, never has been, he is a dj, producer and a pioneer of the club scene.

    So now I'm unable to believe anything you say, which is a shame, because I was fully intending on visiting your website, but now I won't.

    Damn you for ruining what could of been a great relationship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jacks is not so much a rapper more of a crapper,judging by his post above.

      Hope you are feeling better now Jacks

      Delete
  93. Frankie Knuckles was brilliant as a DJ & Remixer

    Armin van Buuren's last State of Trance podcast (May 30th) was excellent and definitely worth a listen to

    http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRbcUrcJVEmXJ8srttwh6L6ursaSJoSgB

    https://soundcloud.com/maxmuzik/armin-va

    ReplyDelete
  94. Also really liked Shep Pettibone's stuff in the 80s

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you confuse him with the Pet Shep Bones?

      Rastafairy

      Delete
  95. I met FN once when stateside, legend.

    I've known Armin since he was a teenager working at Cyber Records in Leiden.Worked with him more times then I can remember., very nice guy, always been very humble too.

    ReplyDelete
  96. There's only one Frankie Knuckles.

    ReplyDelete
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  99. i can no longer tell which posts are by a spambot

    ReplyDelete
  100. HOW ENGERLAND CAN BE GUD AGEN...

    This is what happens at the mo....

    We draw with shit teams (Ireland) and everyone says..told you, we're shit.

    THEN just to confuse matters. We draw with good teams (Brazil) and in the old days people said - look, told you we werent shit. Now of course we say, it clearly means NOWT.

    This deep pessimism is a bad state of affairs and not mentally healthy for the nation.it probably explains why we have such high rates of depression, why all these poor saps who get shafted keep voting conservative and why some motherfucker stole my bird table.

    So ...this is the state of affairs...the England team are as good as everyone. No matter how good or bad they are. This presents a logical paradox (also bad for mental health, that Xeno was completely fucked up)

    The paradox is ...How can we be as good as Brazil, but no better than Ireland. Unless Brazil are as abject lower-league-shit as Ireland, which I discount, this can only mean that there's some pathetic looking glass self effect going on in the minds of England players.

    Subconsciously they look at the opposition and see themselves. To beat or lsoe to themselves would be psychologically damaging so they draw. This can only happen if they have no real sense of themselves

    Why?

    A) because theyve been watching the England team and are as depressed and frustrtaed and mentally ill from it as the rest of us.

    Or B) theyre dopey and vacuous on account of, like the dopey vacuous royals theyvbeen in these little guilded cages.

    Theyve neither been tested by circumstances - theyve spent 12 years by the age of 17 running up and down a pitch dodging cones and thinking theyre neymar amd not have they not learned fuck nothing at school "im going to be a pro footballer i am i dont need no learning nor fuck nuffink" (and thats just prince harry)

    SOLUTION: Take a leaf from the training manual (unwritten of course) of the SPartan Hoplite....make them read Aristotle in the original, tell them theyre shit, beat them and starve them until the age of 12, then send them off into the wilderness to kill Anne Widdicombe with a knife then make them work in a Care Home for kids with learning difficulties and the let the ones who dont fit in leave aged 20 play football for a living.

    OR : SPEND ALL lottery monies (basicaly a stupidity tax on the working classes) on Mafia contracts on the best foreign players.

    Job done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ignored the obvious: Ireland are clearly as good as Brazil! ;)

      Delete
  101. What is going on at Arsenal?.... "Arshavin, Squillaci and Denilson were respectively on £85,000, £60,000 and £45,000 a week"

    Fucking hell. too much even if they ever played.

    Also ..Chamakh, Bendtner Djourou Diaby... the emirates has become a kind of holiday rest home for over rated pseudo stars

    ALSO i read that arshavin is still the record signing at £15million.

    newcastle paid that for Al Shaeerer in 1996

    1996!

    Newcastle!

    makes no sense. buy shit for squat then overpay them. i know youre tired of this H but ever likely youvr won less than wigan recently. this is just bad judgment and bad business - so 4th place champions league ker-ching is the acme of aspiration...i know the stadium is the standard excuse but the old one was cheaper and much more successful.

    ReplyDelete
  102. Why does everyone keep saying that Brazil are a good team? they are average at best and should thank fuck that they are at home this world cup. With that over-hyped superstar in attack and a pretty ordinary midfield, they could be humiliated by the likes of Ireland.

    About Arsenal's salary structure....the less said, the better.

    --BeeZee

    ReplyDelete
  103. Blogs.

    The wage structure has been a major gripe among the fan base, potential (read mediocracy) was rewarded while real talent was let go. Too many non starters, the one's you mentioned plus a few more on lucrative long term deals meaning they were impossible to shift.

    Diaby is our Michael Owen, he's never gonna play , we all know it, he comes back and like a cheap toy breaks with out any real playing time, but he's on a contract and we can't shift him..... Them be the pitfalls!!!

    The stadium is not an excuse, it's a fact, that AW managed to keep us in the top four all that time is nothing short of a miracle, we knew he'd have to operate under strict guidelines, but now there is light at the end of the tunnel. Most of the deadwood will be shifted this year, plus comercial contracts are being renewed, the kit for example will change from 2014/15 the new deal dwarfing the previous, due to money needed to build stadium at the time, the same with the naming rignts of the stadium.

    This summer though, more will be expected, especially in the transfer market, for the first time in a long time, the players leaving are the ones we want to go, but it will be important to strengthen the squad, a message of intent is what the fans want to see, if they get this one wrong then heads may roll.

    If I remember correctly our priciest signing was J.A Reyes at 17.5mil, I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.

    Wigan may have a nice shiney FA Cup but they got relegated, lost their manager and probably a large section of their squad, I'll take CL qualification thank you very much.

    I'm sure most Pompey fans would agree with me too.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Redknapp ready to quit QPR because they won't sign Wayne Bridge. Really??? That's why he's threatening to quit. Sneaky bastard.

    ReplyDelete