Tuesday, 18 June 2013

The Joe Kinnear's on You, Geordies

Spain.

You wouldn't want their economy. You wouldn't mind their food (gazpacho aside - cold soup is a contradiction in terms). You'd love to have their footballers. Indeed, a simple bit of redistribution of their wealth might go a long way to solving their financial problems.

But the iniquities of the tax system are not the first things that come to mind when you watch Andres Iniesta doing multiple dragbacks. There is something of the matador about the ghostly Iniesta. Uruguayan defenders are notorious bullish and yet he sidestepped them like a piss-taking toreador.

The first half of Spain v Uruguay was a demonstration of why the old tippy-tappy stuff is hard to disagree with. Possession is nine-tenths of the law, unless the thing that you possess is a class A drug and you're on a South London stop and search initiative. Uruguay, no mean technicians in their own right, swiped away like cows' tails at the remorseless swarming Spanish flies but to very little avail.

They are still the yardstick by which other countries are judged. Although it doesn't harm a team to have free-kick takers like Luis Suarez or Andrea Pirlo around. Both scored the free-kick I have dreamed of for all of my forty-summat years, but like a 1987 East German, just getting over the wall in the first place would be a start.

Of course the Confederations Cup - FIFA's answer to the question 'How the hell do we get by with no footy in June and July?' - has served up some beautiful moments. The sort of moments that you can guarantee will be gracing the Internet Knock-Off Sports Gear Arena next season now that Joe Kinnear is the new 'Director of Football'.

Now I'm a little old-fashioned, me, but I do kind of wonder what a director of football does that a football manager doesn't do. In Joe Kinnear's case, you can only imagine a football being directed either 'down the channels' or skywards.

It's not like Joe is going to bring a more sophisticated influence to Newcastle's playing style. The closest he's ever got to anything continental was the time his wife bought them funny quilts in the 70s. And Joe was quick to get her back on sheets and blankets, I can tell you!

Still, if you read Joe's interview you'll realise that this is an entirely mistaken point of view. Yes, he can't pronounce players' names properly but hellfire, who can? I mean I've heard his name pronounced as 'Jokin' 'Ere' - as in "You have to be Jokin' 'Ere".

Kinnear claims he can also 'open the door to any manager in the world' which might mean that the director of football is simply a glorified bouncer. He claimed to have signed Tim Krul (he didn't - Souness did which came as a shock to me), and to have won the manager of the month three times (he won it once). So his memory's shot and he can't count but - get this - he's way more intelligent than his critics.

Well I'm sorry, Lard Ashley, but this really is the final straw for your average Toonite. Geordie suspicions were held at bay the season before last when Pardew's team put together a really brilliant season. 2012-13 was less impressive but at least, you thought, perhaps too charitably, it's good to see a manager stay in place for the sake of a bit of stability. Plus the bloke's got an 8-year contract to see out. I don't know anyone who's got an 8-year contract. I bet the new Pope hasn't even been given that by God.

Now we have the apparent hiring of another geezer from down south into a role which serves no apparent purpose whatsoever. Director of football.. tsk! I mean the Chancellor of the Exchequer doesn't require the help of a director of finance, does he? (Okay, bad example).

The only hope the Gallowgate End has is that poor old Joe might not quite remember how to get there. Kinnear is right to point out that when a heart attack brought his previous tenure to an abrupt halt he got a great deal of support from the Geordie fans. But, sadly, here Joe is confusing human kindness and sympathy with respect for his work. I mean I hoped he'd get better too but I didn't want to come down the Riverside to become Pointer in Chief.

It's a bit of a bloody farce if you ask me and I think it takes Ashley's reputation and relationship with the Newcastle faithful back to square one. The only thing that I can say in Kinnear's favour is that he may know one or two players who aren't French.

Chelsea get Mourinho. United get Moyes. Everton get Martinez. Stoke get Mark. Newcastle get Muppet (a very intelligent one at that).







211 comments:

  1. yessssssss first!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's all right for you Robbo,I've got to put up with the grumbles from Mrs Jacks' family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Listen Jacks. I live in Teesside. I can hear the moaning from forty bloody miles away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you sure it can cut through all the smog?

      And since when has Islington been in Teesside?

      Delete
  4. good stuff Robbo, it is all a bit confusing. He's not there to pick the team but he is there to make sure they get the best team on the pitch, wtf. The only one who shouldn't be confused is Pardew.

    In other news, congratulations to Owen Coyle and Wigan, I hope they get promoted and beat City in the Europa Cup final

    ReplyDelete
  5. I wanted to watch the Tahiti team play the other night, but mainly because i was hoping their fans were topless women with large pink flowers behind their ears signalling avuniversal availability as they shaking their nubile grass skirts and click their beckoning digits...i also thought there was an outside possibility that the windward islanders had arrived there from Spain in prehistoric times in outrigger canoes hewn from tree trunks thirty meters long carrying clans, household gods and domestic animals....that they were taught to play football by captain cooke and regularly whupped teams of missionaries and imperialsts with their Tahitian tikka-takka. but it was not to be. and i forgot it was on.

    joe kinnear- read this and weep - http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2013/jun/18/joe-kinnear-newcastle-united-interview

    hes so far out of his depth it's embarrrassing - he calls Yohan Cabaye 'Yohan Kebab'and Derek Llambia 'Derek Llambezee' (could have been worse) and the way its reported it sounds like he needs a place in a carehome not a job at a football club

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe Yohan's wife Donna wasn't very impressed either.

      Delete
    2. Calling someone a kebab? Sheesh , that's rude.

      I pitta the next footaballers he talks about

      Delete
    3. he needs a brain doner, bells

      Delete
  6. this is the big story from the confederations cup...

    Brazil erupts in protest over services and World Cup costs

    God in the Sky and Football on the Earth are being joined by the Real in the Pocket

    ReplyDelete
  7. All look agreeable except the for one thing... You don't need an audience with the man upstairs (white robe and beard, not Kinnear at Newcastle) to figure out Tom Pope's contract. A simple Google search reveals he's signed up through 2015. Or do you mean the new Argentine acetic? Rumor has it he's going to pull a Benny 16 and retire before his contract is up.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Liverpool striker Andy Carroll undergoing West Ham medical
    ---------------------------------------
    Good bye and good luck. Genuinely wish the lad fulfills his potential. While it may not have worked out at Liverpool, a 6 year contract at a 100k/wk is not something to shake a stick at.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was wondering about Joe's interview with the Lard:
    Lard: "You must be Joe Kinnear"
    Joe: "The way you run this club, you must be jokin' 'ere too".
    If I was Pardew, I'd be seriously peed off.
    To be fair to the Lard, though, he's straightened out a lot of the financial mess the previous owners left, and got the club run sustainably, without an obvious loss of quality.



    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm liking that 'pulling a Benny 16' catchphrase. That Fergie did that n all. He pulled a Benny 16. It's up to God to decide when he retires. Surely they should have asked Cantona first.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good stuff Maestro.

    Unfortunatly I haven't watched a single second of The Confed' Cup, way too busy, I wouldn't of minded catching the Spain game, but to be brutalty honest Nigeria v Tahiti wouldn't even manage a 0.00001 on my GIVEAFUCK-O-METER.

    What can you say about the goings on up there in Chateau Nouveux, there more like a carToon then The Toon. Mike Astley never ceases to amaze, every time you think there's a bit of stability, in he waddles and shakes things up, not in a good way though, if I didn't know better, (and I don't) I'd swear he was just there to sabotage the club.I mean what other excuse could there possibly be?

    Love the Joke in 'ere bit.

    ReplyDelete
  12. All I can think is that he wants Pardew out but can't afford to buy out his contract so he hopes he will resign instead. Nothing else makes sense. Kinear is probably daft enough to sign a pay as you play contract anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  13. haha, 8 years was very strange when they announced it, now it's just funny. When JoeKin takes over they'll perhaps call it a "Pardew 8".

    ReplyDelete
  14. Pretty much hit the nail on the head Robbo. Ashley has undone all the good work that he's managed in the last two seasons. The fact that Kinnear announced it before Newcastle, and he then said he'll be meeting Pardew soon, suggested that Alan hasn't had any say in this at all. And if the manager doesn't want to work with a Director of Football, then it never works out.

    Meanwhile, down at White Hart Lane, Spurs should soon be appointing their new director of football. But this time, the manager does want to work with one, and it'll take the transfer dealings away from Levy so we may actually buy someone pre-season, instead of three weeks into the season.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Breaking news, Stoke have recruited Roberto Mancini as car park supervisor, just in case.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Fixtures are out for 2013-14

    here's the link for the ones that matter

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/teams/port-vale/fixtures

    ReplyDelete
  17. Colchester v Port Vale Sat 10 Aug 15:00

    0-3. Put a monkey on it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Fixture gods have been kind to LFC. In our first 5 matches last season we played 3 of the top 4. This season Man U have that on their plate.

    Fixtures shouldn't be published 2 months before the season starts. Gives you the false feeling that footy is about to start this Saturday.

    England absolutely hammering SA in the Champions Trophy semifinal (cricket).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gooners have an easy run in, 4th is in the bag.

      Delete
    2. Hows Bolton's fixture list looking?

      Delete
    3. beautiful, Burnley first but they'll be doing their "Judas" chants in Wigan this season!

      Delete
  19. http://blog.foxsoccer.com/post/53292835531/keeper-plays-full-match-with-9mm-bullet-lodged-in-head

    and some of these pansies get upset when their hair gets messed up.

    ReplyDelete
  20. So it's either Michael Appleton (how is still getting jobs?) or Southgate to replace Pearce as the U-21 coach ????

    There is no hope left for England.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Must be Michael Appleton - he's a shoo-in this season for England Under 21s (and Wales U21, Scotland U21 and NI U21s)

      well he averages 3-4 jobs a season

      Delete
  21. Arsenal will be polishing that big number '4' Trophy they've had made

    ReplyDelete
  22. im enjoying the confederations cup (more than the protesters outside the grounds, anyway) cut the bus fares for gawds sakes. put them back up after the world cup. no one will notice

    neymar's the real deal

    john hartson and robbie savage are the taffypundit paring from HELL though. and john i sympathise, robbies a twat, but just because youre welsh it doesnt give you the right to reorganise the english language into anagrams... its P-E-N-A-L-T-Y not P-E-L-A-N-T-Y

    ReplyDelete
  23. RIP Noo Joisey's own James Gandolfini, The Bing will never be the same.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm devastated to hear that trot. Sopranos is my #1 all time any medium cultural product. Great actor. 51. Fuckin hell. RIP.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Never seen a single second of The Sopranos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i watch it over and over jacks to make sure i dont miss a single second, eg when i blinked

      Delete
  26. I believe Hodgson (not unreasonably) asked for no "high intensity" games immediately before the England World Cup qualifiers (to reduce the risk of injury). Fair enough. Good old Premier League has responded to his request by putting Liverpool v Manyoo and A**enal v Spurs on that weekend. Top work. And Woy will get the blame (or praise) if we don't qualify.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the FA signed away to the premiership any power it had as a central football authority, jedi. which is what happens when businessmen in blazers are put into power. no use their complaining now. the mercs are already in the driveway. its the essential Tory-ness of English power brokers. Money first. Every other consideration : nowhere.

      Delete
  27. R.I.P James Gandolfini.

    I am literaly shocked.

    ReplyDelete
  28. RIP James Gandolfini. Can't believe it either. Me and the missus have been watching the Sopranos over the last few weeks as she'd never seen it before. Absolutely seminal TV. I haven't seen it for a few years and I'm seeing things that I hadn't noticed before. Apparently he was a miserable bastard, but provided one of the greatest TV characters of all time. Jacks, get yourself down to Blockbuster mate. Quality. My favourite tv programme of all time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. all reports here say that he was kind, generous, charitable and looked out for the little guy. He didn't seek the attention of the public or the media, ex-bartender who just wanted to be an actor and worked hard at it.

      Delete
    2. I too have never read anything but good thing about him.

      Delete
    3. I'd read that he was notoriously hard to deal with - but I guess that could mean that he just didn't pander to the media and give them the soundbites that they wanted. Either way, he was a fucking good actor, and will be missed.

      Delete
  29. Indeed, it was a groundbreaking show, that changed the face of TV.

    A real must see, Jacks.

    ReplyDelete
  30. New blog - been a while since I did one

    http://adampsb.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/electric.html

    ReplyDelete
  31. Spain thrash Tahiti. Torres scores four, still manages to miss penalty. I hear he is to become an honorary Englishman.

    On a very different note...

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22984678

    Why can't the FA find a way to subsidize this? Hell, why can't the aforementioned honorary Englishman do something about it? That's only a minute's of pay for him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FA have done it deliberately to try and discourage them from competing

      Delete
  32. Next Man City manager to continue recent transfer policy?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-surrey-22967160

    ReplyDelete
  33. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/10132678/Clive-James-on-The-Sopranos.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A great read that, blogs. Personally, I loved the humour in the show. My favourite episode is the one where Paulie and Christopher get lost in the forest one night after a pick-up they're doing for Silv goes wrong, I think in Season 3. It's such a funny episode. The love-hate relationship between those two is one of the best dynamics of the show.

      Delete
  34. Pine barrens. Best one hour of TV ever, Noel, and like you say funny as fuck, although the,scene when Paulie goes to the seance is also up there ...flips, throws a chair and calls the spirits queers or something, very very funny. Here's where they're tracking the Russian who won't die...

    Tony Soprano: [over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!

    Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get the fuck outta here.

    Tony Soprano: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's like a Russian green beret. He can not come back and tell this story. You understand?

    Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I hear you.[hangs up]

    Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.

    Christopher Moltisanti: His house looked like shit.

    ReplyDelete
  35. When I'm threatening my kids I always do that admonitory thing Paulie does pointing with his index and little finger. Doesn't work, they just do it back.

    Here's Tony soprano with the last word on child rearing, as all of you with kids will agree...when Meadow is rebelling Tony says to Carmela..

    Let’s just not overplay our hand here. ‘Cuz if she finds out we’re powerless, we’re fucked

    ReplyDelete
  36. Maureen to Chelsea. Pauline to spurs. That's top buy if it's true, I've Been impressed by him with Brazil.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Looks to me like Rooney will go to Chelsea

    ReplyDelete
  38. Just found a headless mouse on the carpet.

    My cats real name is Tony, btw.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Nostradamus is just his blogonym. (of that's not a word it should be)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hey, you said Nostradamus was dead. Your new cat should be Cata Nostra.

      Delete
  40. Pussy Bonponsiero. He's in Miaowfia.

    ReplyDelete
  41. great blog robbbo as always. Lurker.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Blatter is looking more and more like Bond villain with every year that passes. Watch out for the FIFA Deathstar designed to zap cricket, rugby, democracy etc

    Hats off to the Brazilians who seem to like to market themselves as brainless hedonists but who FIFA have pushed over the edge into political engagement.

    I know the protests aren't just about the World Cup, but the stench of corruption and the fusion of state and corporate power (Mussolini's definition of fascism) surrounding these tournaments is unmistakeable now. Who benefits? Governments. Corporations. FIFA. Not the fans. Not Europe. We've got lots of stadia so no room for profiteering on stadium building (they're building one in a town called Cuiba which apparently doesn't even have a football team).

    Its like Ancient Rome. Bread and Circuses. Corrupt regimes taking their populace for a ride. Russia.amd Qatar next. One of Blatters henchmen even said democracy want conducive to organising a WC.

    I just hope the Russians and Qataris take the same opportunity to protest as the Brazilians. The govts be forewarned and better prepared than the brazilian govt. of course but it will cost them. Maybe these shitty regimes will be less inclined to pitch for the WC in future. Maybe it will be back here during my lifetime. England needs bread and circuses too.

    Let's hope something God comes from this...the people get more of a say, corporations show a bit of humanity, football returns to its roots -it's increasingly becoming a rich mans sport-FIFA replaced and that rotten cunt Blatter hanging from a lamp post in Doha.

    And while I'm fantasising about things that aren't going to happen. England win the WC.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Fats Blatter and The Mafifa.

    ReplyDelete
  44. In 2001 the,Nepalese crown prince Dipendra want allowed to Marry a commoner so he killed 9 members of his family and then shit himself.

    Joe Kinnear, who was manger of the Nepal national football team described out with the following charm subtlety and finesse..

     “He was the King’s son, he had to marry some other bird. The usual c---. So he killed them all and blew his brains out.”

    ReplyDelete
  45. * shit/shot what's the difference

    ReplyDelete
  46. yay..england on the brink of winning our first ever ODI/50 over cricket trophy (courtesy of rain washing out the game and the final being abandoned..which means they share the trophy with India).

    ReplyDelete
  47. Well...India 66/5

    If England can keep them to about 100/120.... should win, rain permitting.

    ReplyDelete
  48. 18 overs 106/5.. England on top

    ReplyDelete
  49. 38 years of well not exactly hurt more like total indifference but it will be good to win our first ODI title....let's see

    ReplyDelete
  50. Blogidy's cat sleeps with the fishes...............


    But eats them for brekfast when he wakes up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no, no, let me rephrase that. You mean he eats fish for breakfast like Big Pussy does. I wasn't asking if you like, as in, have a fondness for, Big Pussy.

      Delete
  51. https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BNSVCRfCUAAdxNX.png

    Not exactly on the ball, is he?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Yikes....rephrase ... He is a small cat who facially resembles the other pussy in the sopranos

    ReplyDelete
  53. England should won this, but Morgan the organ had just theorem his wicket away.

    Cricket is better on the radio.

    And so has bopara.....Nob heads

    ReplyDelete
  54. England completely cracking under pressure.

    ReplyDelete
  55. 6 off the last ball?....of course not.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I need to find another interest. Sport isn't working for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. have you tried being a crack head?

      Delete
  57. Sepp Blatter, urged protesters not to "use football to make their demands heard".

    Laughable in the extreame, the guy lives in a bubble. He's the kinda person that would not advocate mixing politics with sport, but if Fifa isn't a politicaly driven tour de force, then what is it?

    There is a new world order and Fifa are one of the top powers. They march into countries and literaly occupy them for a few years leading up to their tournaments. Such is their power that they can get said nations to invest millions they don't have in Stadia that they don't need or that will ever be used again after the games are done, building contracts handily failing into the laps of "friends and family."

    Such is their power that you can be arrested if your attire is not matching of one of their chosen donatures to their regime of terror (aka sponsers) point in case the young ladies in the Bavaria dresses.

    Blatter himself is an untouchable totaleterian leader, while his minions fall by the wayside, drenched by the stench of coruption, he always seems to come through unscathed, and in true tiranial style anyone who goes up against him will find themselves spending a great deal of their time trying to push skeletons back into their closets. Yet he still maintains that Fifa are a fair well run organisation that does things properly.

    Really???

    Explain the decision of giving Qatar the WC!!???

    His views, be it on racism, homosexuality or anything really, which he would be well advised to keep to himself, paint a picture of a man clearly out of touch with the realities, morals and standards of modern society, an embarrassment to his organisation, our sport and any decent human bieng.

    Other then that he's a pretty nice bloke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's just a cunt. Simple. ;)

      Delete
    2. Didn't Blatter just say that the IOC was a wonderful organisation - yes the one that used to be run by the terminally corrupt Havelange? "Olympic Legacy" my arse.

      This idiot (Teflon Blatter) seems to have missed the point that one of the things Brazilians are protesting about is the obscene amount of money being thrown at Brazilian football stadiums, much of which is probably lining well filled pockets as I write, when it could be better spent on improving people's lives.


      Jedi

      Delete
  58. Gus Poyet just found out he's been sacked by Brighton, while sitting on the MotD couch.

    Painful.

    It could of been worse though............... at least Sherear and Savage aren't there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. why was it painful? Is it an uncomfortable couch?

      Delete
    2. If you're being savaged by a sheep-shearer, I suppose.

      Delete
    3. that's why they call it the hot seat.

      Delete
  59. That's it, Nadal's gone, Federer past his best, the Jock just needs Novak Joc Itch to suffer a freak injury and it'll be plain sailin'.

    ReplyDelete
  60. What is tennis? I have no means of knowing whether it exists or not or of what magnitude of dominance it might attain, because of the obscurity of the subject, and the brevity of human life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In answer to your question Blogidy,may I point out to you the Knights who say Ni from Holy Grail.If there is 1 more than 9 then you have tennis.

      Delete
    2. alternatively,if you approach a bloke in burslem and ask "one off eight?" then you have trouble

      Delete
    3. I suppose five people make for tennis, too.

      Delete
  61. Gareth Bale, 23, will tug on the heart strings of Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy in order to clinch his dream move to Real Madrid.

    ---

    only problem is Levy doesn't have a heart so its WHL for another season unless someone coughs up £70M

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mass exodus of the Welsh, first it was Shirley Bassey, then Tom Jones, now Gareth Bale, who next?

      Delete
    2. Excerpt from the new BBC2 documentary 'Taffy Come Home!'

      "...these modern sheeps they is too coy. new fangled farming methods is giving them ideas above their station and it is driving our young men away. "

      Delete
    3. I heard that even Neil Kinnock left to start a Bunga-Bunga party planning business in Italy.

      Delete
    4. Bundner-Bundner parties trots


      Delete
    5. it might be a leek but I heard Catherine Zeta Jones is invited. It's either that or 40 Capstan full strength a-day.

      Delete
    6. according to michael douglas it depends on which end you suck on

      Delete
    7. You can have all the bunga-bunga parties you want and get away with it, but show your boxers at a Bendtner-Bendtner party and you'll pay for it.

      Delete
  62. Was reading follow-up stories on Guernsey FC paying for the FA Cup. If they somehow make the Conference, or even the Football League itself, will they have to pay for league matches?

    I'm imagining them going on an amazing FA Cup run which sees them host Man City, only to have to pay the away side's expenses.

    The US league system makes little sense, but I don't think Puerto Rican and Antiguan teams pay extra for the privilege of participating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what about Whitley Bay FC?

      Delete
    2. they won the Vase you know!

      Delete
    3. You'll have to update me on the geographical nuances of the FA and the country itself. I'll admit I wouldn't have known about Whitley Bay, the place or club.

      Not that you should know anything about Utah, other than there are so many Mormons it feels a bit like Children of the Corn.

      Delete
    4. you had to be here Stephen!

      Delete
  63. If they put Jane fucking Austen on the tenner I'm going to refuse to use it as a matter of fucking principle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. porno pounds? Sign of the times I suppose.

      Delete
    2. whats wrong with Jane Austen?

      Delete
    3. you just wait 'til they put Thatcher on the tenner, Adam.

      Delete
    4. she's only going on the £50

      Delete
  64. I'd like to see John Cooper Clarke on the £50 tom pope instead of the queen on the 10p and a pie on the £trillion note we owe to the Chinese

    ReplyDelete
  65. Who's on your £20k note?

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2013/jun/26/macclesfield-town-competition?CMP=twt_gu

    Why no women? If they're paying to play, what have you got to lose?

    ReplyDelete
  66. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23056298

    Tevez to Juventus. I didn't realize Man City actually sold anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Quick H, Arsenal are top again..

    1 Arsenal 0 0 0
    2 Aston Villa 0 0 0
    3 Cardiff 0 0 0
    4 Chelsea 0 0 0
    5 Crystal Palace 0 0 0
    6 Everton 0 0 0

    ReplyDelete
  68. One of the loonies who used to post here was a fanatical Whitley bay FC fan, Stephen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glory hunting football fan that he was .... Whitley Bay 4 x winners of FA vase

      Delete
    2. only 4 - still the Barcodes would have liked 4 FA Vases in the last few decades -

      The only cups they have are the mega-ones from Sports Direct

      Delete
  69. Thanks for the clarification. Wonder who Spambot supports.

    ReplyDelete
  70. More talk of Ronaldo to united. They'll be unbeatable if they get him + a decent midfielder

    ReplyDelete
  71. adampsb26 June 2013 08:57
    whats wrong with Jane Austen?

    --------------

    adam if you have to ask it cant be explained to you

    ReplyDelete
  72. Port Vale sign Preston defender Chris Robertson on a two-year deal and reach an agreement with out-of-contract striker Gavin Tomlin - who will join on July 1.
    --------------------------------------

    That must be the first time I've come across PV's name in the transfer gossip section. Glory days.

    ReplyDelete
  73. watch out Barcelona - the General Municipal and BoilerMakers Union are new official sponsors

    this is a REAL club

    ReplyDelete
  74. i couldnt wait to leave Burslem but Ive been dreaming of it ever since.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Join the new Football Fans Agasinst Jane Austen Society

    Membership : 1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would like to apply to join too please, do I have to send the membership fees to my Nigerian friend - who happens to be a prince - who keeps sending me emails asking for my bank details or direct to yourself Bloggy?

      Delete
    2. I'm still not sure of the reasoning here - I thought the latest version of Sense and Sensibility was well acted.

      I think a fans against the Bronte's and Terry Pratchett is more in order

      Or maybe a fans who like Blackadder society

      Delete
    3. I just cant stand her plays, adam. prim proper smug limited twee arch sneering etc etc nearly put me off reading for ever when i was forced to read the pride of miss jean prejudiced when i was 14

      mind you it was better than shakespeare's novels or the poetry of stradivarius

      Delete
    4. Bells yes just send me the entire contents of your bank accounts (including that secret one in the cayman islands you havent told mr bells about) and ill spend it on buying up and burning every possible copy of jane austens twaddle

      OR ill buy myself something nice

      Delete
    5. fair enough I never liked Pride and Prejudice either - Northanger Abbey was ok but Sense & Sensibility is the only decent film adaptation of any of her books

      Charles Dickens on the other hand and Wilkie Collins were outstanding authors

      Delete
    6. i just object to the way my wife keeps making me jump into the garden pond and emerge half naked clutching my shirt with a goldfish in my ear looking like a miserable get

      dickens makes me think of the workhouse and narrative padding and as for the woman in white, Glyde is illegitimate and fosco is murdered by the Brotherhood.

      ive now saved you from having to read that load of twaddle.

      Delete
    7. thats me looking like a miserable get, not Sid the goldfish, although hes getting a bit fed up as well

      Delete
    8. No you didn't as I've already read it a few times. I liked The Woman In White and The Moonstone actually.

      Are you an Edgar Allen Poe / Oscar Wilde type reader then?

      Delete
    9. FFAJAS membership count : 2

      I can't apply, I don't want to ruin my chances with Keira Knightly.

      Delete
    10. Wasn't The Woman in White and the Moonstone one of the Harry Potter books?

      Delete
    11. They tend top film a lot of these things round here Trotts (Lime Park,Chatsworth etc) so next time I see Keira (real name Edna Grubb) I'll put a word in for you.

      Apparently she's always wanted to go to Horwich.

      Delete
    12. Edna Grubb? I'll have to research this. I think it might require a Scottish accent.

      Delete
  76. So England out of the U-20 world cup in the group stage. Couldn't muster a single win in a group comprising of Iraq, Chile,Egypt and us.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Brazil/Spain. Can't wait....not even shearer/Hanson can spoil this

    Brazil 2-0 for me.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Same old procession of fat smiling brainless hedonists on a beach and jiggling samba girls being used to trail the game ... just don't mention the10 000 pissed off protesters outside.

    The game is up Blatter.

    ReplyDelete
  79. if Brazil beat Sain, will England be #1 in FIFA rankings?

    Hope this is a great game, 3- 3, 5-5 after extra time, 11-10 on pens.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Great block by sideshow bob

    Good to see the tedious tike-taka possession not being gift wrapped by the ref

    ReplyDelete
  81. plenty more goals in this one. Brazil is a well balanced blend of beach keepy uppie and ale house.

    ReplyDelete
  82. And there's three one I didn't predict

    ReplyDelete
  83. So, AH, are you pointing out that our U20 team are just as shit as the U21 team and therefore after our senior team wins the World Cup next year, we might be in for a barren spell?

    Tell ya Robbo, your blog on Serena was the kiss of death, who next? Please not Dougie "double fault" Freedman.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Now this an Arsenal signing;

    http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/french-striker-yaya-sanogo-joins-club

    There's got to be a Wham song for him;

    Wake me up. Yaya Sanogo,
    I hope you're better then that c*nt from Togo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you got a decent keeper too, H.

      Delete
    2. Speaking of c*nts from Togo, do you want him back? We have to pay all his wages this season, so need to get rid quick.

      Delete
    3. Arsenal have a £70M transfer warchest and your first signing is ... A FREE TRANSFER - quelle surprise.

      I bet Wenger doesn't spend more than £25M of the cash he supposedly has available

      Delete
    4. First (official) day of the Transfer window and Arsenal have made a signing, the guy is nothing but a squad filler, but ofcourse out pop the mongs with their usual bla bla bla.

      You'd think that it was an 11th hour signing on transfer deadline day the way some are going on. It was already a done deal a few mounthes ago, but as he still had a contract, it wasn't official (just like Moyes).

      Shall we do the sensible thing and wait until the window closes, before we start harking on about "warchests", and how much anyone is willing to spend or not? No we probably won't because every day The Daily Fail and shit rags like that are feeding us bollox that the hard of thinking lap up and regurgatate as if it were fact.

      What the fuck is a warchest anyway? Are we going into battle armed to the teeth with the newest impliments of destruction? I think not. Although we are told how clubs will "battle it out" for whathisface's signature, MEH, no they're not.

      What the fucks wrong with the British media? Why has certain clubs joined in the "race" to sign Joe Bloggs? Do they have to compete in a hundred yard dash to secure his signature, first one to cross the line get's him? It's all hype, smoke and mirrors, creating stories where there are none just for the sake of a few extra clicks or to shift copy.

      "Sources inside the club believe...."... Really, who? The manager, the physio, the tea lady? Who are these people of mystery that know so much about things that never happen? All a bit tedious really.

      Delete
    5. People scoff because they have made such a bifg deal about the amount of money made available to Wenger and the Higuain thing has been going on for ages. They could have announced this guy would be joining on a free ages ago but didn't and then trottrd him out as the first signing of the summer while City, Sunderland, Villa, Liverpoo and Norwich have all been been busy and actually spending some cash while doing so.

      The wording is designed to make it more exciting than it is but Arsenal make not spending anything into an art form and people always doubt that any of these so-called big signings will ever happen

      Delete
  85. this is a good http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2013/jun/26/sepp-blatter-fifa-brazil-world-cup

    fifa is increasingly obviously a parasite staffed by fat old crooks. blatter's physical safety will be threatened in 2015 unless he has a small army around him. in 2016 brazil host the olympics and revolution must be on the cards by then if the poxy old confederations cup causes this degree of trouble.

    there will be a tipping point at which the corrupt dictatorships and plutocratic oligarchies no longer see the World Cup as part of bread and circuses and more a possible trigger to popular uprising and stop bidding

    expect the WC back in england soon, we're too lazy to rebel.

    ReplyDelete
  86. 'ello Gentlemen,

    came by to say Hi!

    And post this link that you guys need to read

    http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/10519516.Stroke_victim_Emily__11__hopes_for_machine_to_help_her_walk_and_use_her_hand/?ref=twtrec

    ReplyDelete
  87. That's a great link Spits and hopefully FBH will get the necessary funds.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Hi Spits, is there an official justgiving or whatever site for Emily as I would happily donate something ? I would anyway but one of Mr BHB nieces had a stroke , aged 40 plus a friends daughter had one at the age of 22 - just frightening




    Update for all those interested

    FFAJAS membership count : still 2

    ReplyDelete
  89. I see Super Schteeve is back in coaching at QPR - a decent appt actually as he is a decent coach just not a great manager although he did well at Boro and Twente the 1st time round.

    Will be lots of sniggering on the bbc blog boards I guess

    ReplyDelete
  90. Joe Bloggs for England, oh wait, is he French too?

    Adam/Jacks/Anybody that has an idea of how we can chip in to help get Emily's machines funded, please advise.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Yes FBH has set up a fund

    Terry Murphy Cheque payable to the Emily Simpson Fund or directly to the account via a LloydsTSB bank a/c 27380160 s/c 30 95 56 - a donation would be greatly appreciated - thank you from Emily and me xxxx

    Hope this helps and we can all donate some money to it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what's the mailing address for donations?

      Delete
    2. Hi Trotter 23 Millbank Lane Thornaby Teesside TS17 8JT thanks mate :-)

      Delete
  92. FBH posted an account number reports .... Iv asked him to post it here.

    Could have done it myself but I didn't want you referring to me as the Nigerian colonel or summat for the next month

    ReplyDelete
  93. Or see Nigerian Colonel Adam's post below

    ReplyDelete
  94. Hi chaps.
    Thank you for your concerns.

    Emily is now 11 year old.

    On 8th July last year Emily was taken by ambulance to North Tees Hospital very much disorientated, unable to speak, use her right arm or walk.

    Emily had an urgent MRI scan and it became apparent that Emily had suffered a Stroke.

    Emily was rushed up to the Great North Children’s Hospital at the RVI in Newcastle.

    Emily’s Stroke affected two parts of her brain – the front top left and deep within her brain – the consequences being right side paralysis affecting her right hand, and resulting in an inability to walk, and her speech, reading, writing and understanding.

    One week after admission to the RVI Emily suffered another setback when the cause of the Stroke returned. Emily was diagnosed as suffering from Central Nervous System Vasculitis - a very rare condition where the immune system attacks the Central Nervous System (the brain and spinal cord) resulting in swelling, and ultimately blockage, of the blood vessels. Emily had a second episode that required an Emergency Decompressive Craniotomy (removal of part of the skull) to release the build up of pressure in her brain.

    Emily spent 3 months at the RVI and during this time Emily learned to walk again and was even able to re-gain speech, being able to say a few words. Emily is a happy girl, back at school, and doing many of the things pre-teen girls enjoy doing, including a love of Justin Beiber, One Direction and her new Ipad.

    Emily is receiving additional speech therapy to help with her Aphasia and she was recently diagnosed as potentially benefitting from the use of two medical devices to help restore proper function to her right arm and leg. However, the cost of the two devices is £6,500 and NHS funding uncertain. In any event we wish to do all we can for Emily and we are hosting a fundraising night at Thornaby Sports & Leisure Club on 2nd August.

    As part of the fundraising we are holding a raffle and auction and we are asking for your help and support by offering prizes however big or small …. please, any contributions would be greatly appreciated and make things a little easier for Emily and help in her recovery.

    Or if you would like to make a contribution to the “Emily Simpson Fund” that would be wonderful. The account details are a/c 27380160 s/c 30 95 56. Or if you wish to send directly to me my address is 23 Millbank Lane Sunny Thornaby Mighty Teesside TS17 8JT

    ReplyDelete
  95. And thank you Adam for already sharing and Spits for sharing the story and hope Robbo doesn't mind me posting such details.

    ReplyDelete
  96. http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/10519516.Stroke_victim_Emily__11__hopes_for_machine_to_help_her_walk_and_use_her_hand/?ref=fbrec

    ReplyDelete
  97. please clarify FBH, does the address really include the words "Sunny" and "Mighty"?

    ReplyDelete
  98. ok got it, thanks, I see the correct address higher up, be in the post tomorrow. Good luck to your lass, keep up the good fight.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Thanks mate - massively appreciated ..... speak soon with updates.

    ReplyDelete
  100. To overlighten the mood, re: H2H's war chest query:

    http://creativepharm.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Breast_Cancer_Awarness_Camo.jpg

    (Actually, the main post has some rather creative breast cancer awareness posters.)

    ReplyDelete
  101. Stoke sign Barcelona defender:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23154728

    Did that Pique your curiosity?

    ReplyDelete
  102. Back online for a short while... I have had to travel to Hong Kong in order to get here though.

    Great to see FBH here... when I return to the Philippines mate (Monday), I'll get something in the mail, although I'm not sure how long it will take to get to you... Philippine mail is slower than Philippine internet (fucking sloooooow).



















    ReplyDelete
  103. Thank for the link Spits.

    Welcome back FBH, sorry to see that you've had it so hard over the last few years, a sick child puts everything into perspective. I wish you and your loved ones good health and hope that it all works out well for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  104. yep good luck fbh, its every parents nightmare.

    best wishes to your daughter for a speedy and full recovery.

    ReplyDelete
  105. and don't worry about this Justin Bieber phase, they grow out of it. Baby, Baby, Baby ooooh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am slightly disturbed Trotts that you even know the words to any of his songs :)

      Delete
    2. that song used to play on my daughter's tooth brush!

      Delete
    3. but it doesn't matter, I don't care Bells. As long as you love me.

      Delete
    4. Of course, I love you my little Trottywotty woo-woos

      Delete
  106. Thank you all for your kind comments. Emily and me both appreciate it immensely.

    And BlueHellsBells - thank you for your kind donation!!! (big hugs) xxxxx

    And Trot - Bieber One Direction and now Diversity (she met the Diversity lads yesterday)

    Once again, thanks chaps and chapesses.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Beginning to wonder if Robbo has pulled a Benny 16 and gone out on top.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Gareth Bale may have won Player and Young Player of the Year, but even he didn't manage this:

    "the NHL announced its First and Second All-Star teams…and Alex Ovechkin was on both of ‘em."

    http://nhl.si.com/2013/07/03/alex-ovechkin-all-star-vote-snafu-shows-change-needed-for-nhl-awards/

    http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=676355

    ReplyDelete
  109. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  110. What are the chances of meeting relatives in the mountains around Hong Kong? Remote right? Well I thought so anyway. Returning from a hike through Tai Mo Shao National Park we came accross a family of monkeys whose resemblance was uncanny, scary even. It was immediately apparent, however, that they were the poor relations being practically naked, unkempt and by their smell, hadn't bathed for some time. They obviously recognised me as they came over and introduced themselves and sat in groups allowing me to take family snaps. They were very much at ease chattering and clowning about around us. After a short while they went on their way leaving me to ponder which side of the family were more fortunate.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Bespoke Brits strike again.

    http://www.thegrocer.co.uk/fmcg/drinks/coat-made-of-chest-hair-promotes-arlas-manly-milk-drink/344528.article

    ReplyDelete
  112. If I was particularly childish, bored and wishing I was outside in the sun (wine in hand) I might just add a comment for no other reason than to take us all over to the darkside

    ReplyDelete