Tuesday, 23 July 2013

It may never get better than this

I don't watch golf as a rule. I've tried playing it and have come to the conclusion that they should make the balls and the bats a lot bigger. There's a stereotype of golf in this country isn't there? - that it's populated by V-necked-sweatered numpties who talk lovingly of Top Gear and tonic water and don't have much time for 'the ladies'? Fortunately the R&A like to host their only major golf tournament at such places. Jeez, even the down home backwoodsmen of Augusta have let a woman join the club.

There's another cliché that all American golfers bash the Bible and blame the weather when they can't plot their way around a links golf course. Phil Mickelson was one such, a man with a talent as ludicrous as his mulletish mane of hair, but who couldn't fathom why these Scotch sandbanks didn't play like the unfeasibly green technicolor pastures of your average American course.

Well yesterday he proved himself and seemed genuinely moved that he had. Lee Westwood meanwhile professed himself not too bothered with the result as he hustled himself into his bridesmaid's costume for the umpteenth time. They always said he couldn't putt. This week he couldn't do the stuff he can do. Poor old Lee. Will waddling Westwood ever get his gong?

The last day of the Open is always a great watch and this one oscillated wildly in the best traditions. Adam Scott, his putter looking for all the world like a branding iron, took the lead only to leak shots immediately. Woods is almost back to his best but the old strut has been replaced by a warier tread these days.

As usual Peter Alliss saw fit to remark that the others were making it easier for big Lefty at the end, forgetting, as that not-all-that-successful-former-golf-professional always does, that when a bloke blazes down the stretch and you have to fight to keep up it can lead to mistakes. He's a harrumphing old scrote that man. I don't care if he has got a nice voice.

But the not-quite success of a couple of Englishmen shouldn't undermine the rude health British sport finds itself in. There may come a time when my ancestors sit round my deathbed and all I bother telling them about is Swanny and Anderson, Wiggo and Froome, Jess n Mo n Greg Thingammy.

The Ashes have turned, well, to ashes already. To call Australia a shambles would be to denigrate a perfectly decent little thoroughfare in the fine city of York. Eleven twerps in saggy greens, they are. Barring a couple of extraordinary partnerships they have wielded their willows like inebriated conductors. The bowlers don't seem too bad - as batsmen.

But when Jimmy's not undoing them with brilliance, Swann's tweaking them out with jack-knifing turners or they're undoing themselves by referring every decision to the third umpire. Or as Shane Watson would put it, a 'doggy's chance'.

But it's not like England are up to much at the mo. Were it not for Bell's batting we might not be gloating quite so whole-heartedly. There are those who lament the Australians' utter ineptitude. They're saying that we should make allowances -  give em three innings, one bounce, one hand, play with a tennis ball, etc. Well I'm not one of 'em. 5-0 would be wonderful, ta. Bloody wonderful.

As for Chris Froome, well he's about as English as an English middle-order batsman, which is English enough for me. He doesn't strike me as the most charismatic man in the world. In fact I've seen fallen twigs with more personality. But it's not charisma that tears you up an Alpine 1 in 4 after you've been cycling for a fortnight already. It's sheer force of will, enormous talent, and, in the olden days, a secret pharmaceutical prescription.

I don't doubt that Froome is clean. Cyclists like him seem desperate to shake off the inheritance handed to them by the megalomaniac Armstrong. And who can blame him? Cycling history is pock-marked with horrendous levels of drug-taking. The death of Tom Simpson on Mont Ventoux, brandied and amphetamined up to the handlebars, is possibly cycling's lowest (and yet almost highest) point, and it seems appropriate that Froome pedalled past his monument on the way to victory in the Tour this year.

I have at times wished for the whole of sport to be a drug-test-free zone. There would be a wondrous freakish side-show to be had if a 100 metres final line-up featured characters who wouldn't look out of place in an Avengers Assemble sequel. I can see decathlon favourite Dr David Banner being riled by his coach as I speak.

Professional football seems to be pretty much drug test free anyway at present, although I wouldn't mind if a couple of England boys were found to be over-stimulating themselves for a big summer tournament - it would be the first time any one of them has shown any initiative since 1990. Indeed the girls weren't much better - a horribly convincing imitation of the men as they laboured against a French team that were devilishly good.

But let's not think of footy - it'll only bring us all down when quite frankly there are heroes to herald.

2013. It may never get better than this.





281 comments:

  1. sadly Pet Shop Boys new album came 3rd this week so it can't match my blogging skills

    Nice to see Messi's dad's favourite player is the new pretend boss at Barca - look closely and you may see the strings Little Lionel is pulling to control him.

    The whole Fabregas thing is as annoying as the Rooney thing. Unless Lionel says Cesc is staying he isn't and unless Rooney puts in a trabsfer request he is.

    Funny thing is Lukaku is saying he'd welcome Rooney with open arms. Bit ironic as the only thing Lukaku will be welcoming if Rooney joins is the Carling Cup and the subs bench

    ReplyDelete
  2. www.premierleague.com

    54229-16077

    54229-16078

    54229-16022

    54229-16028

    ReplyDelete
  3. good stuff Robbo. Cracking good effort from Mickleson, he'd be unable to walk if it weren't for his Embrel, amazing what he's gone through to come all the way back to the top and he left his driver in San Francisco (or someplace in Cali). I don't give a shit if there's men only clubs, there's also a whole slew of Women only clubs. I had the "International Broadcast" through the web with Peter Alliss et al, he can be a bit of an effort to listen to but with Tirico, Azinger and Strange as the alternative on ESPN I felt blessed. That trio is truly fuckin' rubbish.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Froome was magnificent.A much more enjoyable tour than the previous years,as Team Sky has pretty much smothered the only rider there that was capable of beating Wiggins (Froome).

    It was tedious to hear the questions and see the mud slinging going on with Froome re:doping,but cycling has a terrible past (1998 was the low point Robbo.Tour du Dopage it's known as. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1998_Tour_de_France )However,it's facing up to this and the peleton is now pretty much clean.Other sports (especially football) should take note.20 drug tests Froome took in the Tour,never mind the 100s he's already done this season.

    I can see Froome winning many more as well,as he isn't obsessed with his own celebrity or likely to be seen on vodka and cigarette fueled binges.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More likely is champagne and cigars but as that was Lesters diet, he'll be ok
      del

      Delete
  5. Poor old Phil...61% tax

    Mickelson, a 43 year-old Californian, won golf's oldest tournament by birdying four of the last six holes. His prize for this impressive feat: £945,000, or $1.43 million. The week before, "Lefty" -- as the normally right-handed Mickelson is called, for his left-handed swing -- won the Scottish Open, bringing his total winnings for two weeks of play in the UK to £1,445,000, or about $2,167,500.

    But as K. Sean Packard, an expert on pro athletes' taxes, writes at Forbes, Mickelson won't be taking home nearly that much:
    The United Kingdom, which has authority to set Scotland's tax rate until 2016, graduates to a 40% tax rate when income hits £32,010 then 45% when it reaches £150,000. Mickelson will pay £636,069 ($954,000, or 44.02%) on his Scottish earnings.

    On top of that, Mickelson has to pay UK tax on a portion of his endorsement earnings in Scotland. Any bonuses he receives for winning these tournaments and moving up in the rankings will also be taxed at 45 percent. And Mickelson's endorsement income isn't chump change: As Packard notes, Roger Federer and Tiger Woods (whom Mickelson defeated at the Open) are the only athletes who earn more in this category.

    And that doesn't exhaust Michelson's tax liabilities from his British triumph. He won't have to pay federal taxes on these winnings, thanks to a foreign tax credit, but the exemption doesn't apply to self-employment taxes, the Medicare surtax, or his home state of California's 13.3 percent take.



    It all adds up to a rate of 61.12 percent

    ReplyDelete
  6. The British tax system for the rich is optional, trot, so I'd take anything you read on Forbes with a pinch of sodium pentathol. After expenses, deductions, fiddles, his accountant will have him paying 15% max, the fat bastard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well, it's only right that he write off the cost of his G4 jet as a necessary business expenditure and if he backed himself for a 100grand double at Ladbrokes he'll be home free.

      Delete
  7. The royal baby, Robbo, you forgot to mention the royal baby. The peoples prince, future world dart champ

    ...and on the oche, its the peoples prince, Prince Wayne, double top away from the Carling Special Brew World Darts Championship, which would be a first for an heir to the throne, he steps forward, gold darts in hand, wearing his trade mark pie shaped crown....

    ReplyDelete
  8. the Royal Baby? has she had it then? Is it called Derek?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well-written as always, Robbo. Almost enough to interest me in golf. Almost.

    Froome should suck it up and answer the doping questions. I hope he's clean, but until cycling we trust cycling again, that's how it will be. A few years back, I had an American feed and they were incredulous that anyone would question Armstrong. The British feed this year had the same attitude about Froome, just like last year's wonderment about Wiggins. I'm sure the French media would go nuts if anyone questioned one of their champions... if they have one again anytime soon. The questions must be asked, and not just in cycling.

    ReplyDelete
  10. http://fantasy.football-league.co.uk/

    Robbo Blog Championship
    PIN: 5804891

    Part of the overall league, which will Jacks & Robbo Classic & H2H, this league, and probably Champions League & Europa League.

    Overall scoring system proposal: Number of participants - finishing place, plus bonus 5 for first, 3 for second, 1 for third. Tiebreaker is overall points in Robbo Classic, followed by overall points in Championship league.

    Scoring includes all participants, even if they aren't in all of the leagues, but you can't win the overall if you don't participate in all of the leagues.

    For example, with 50 entrants, winning is worth 54 points ((50-1) + 5), while fourth place is worth 46 points (50-4), even if the three people ahead of you aren't in all the leagues.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Input welcome. At worst, just join all the leagues, pick a team, and ignore it. But you know you want more free fantasy leagues...

      Delete
    2. Just joined in Stephen. Apparently, my entry needs to be approved by you. Oh the ignominy of it all. Well, at least 2nd place is guaranteed as of now.

      Delete
    3. Thanks for joining, AH. Didn't realize I'd have to approve people. Just turned off that feature. When I finish last, I want to be able to blame the open membership floodgates.

      Delete
  11. What if he doesn't WANT to be a king? What if he'd rather be an architect, or a farmer or a professional darts player? Poor misfortunate little bastard. Child abuse I call it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "If to say my colleague in United is a great coach, deserves success, deserves time to work, didn't win trophies at Everton because it's difficult to win trophies there ... if that is playing mind games, what would you say if I spoke bad about him? The best thing is not to speak, and if I don't speak....

    Welcome back Jose!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bale to Real for a tidy 85 million.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Says Real's newspaper, Marca. Just another form of tapping up that will obviously go unpunished.

      Delete
  14. Can't blame Robbo for not mentioning the baby. He posted before it was announced and I rather suspect that much like me he couldn't really give a shit anyway.

    Whatever it's called will be the most popular baby name this year. I just hope they give it a sensible name. "H from Steps" Windsor would just sound ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Longer-shot baby name odds worth a flutter:

    Robbo: 150-1
    Stiliyan Bradley Ron Ciaran Nathan Matthew Marc Barry Yacouba Gabriel Andres Christian (or some similar combination): 175-1
    Sue: 200-1
    Baby Cambridge: 200-1
    Steve McLaren: 250-1
    Luis (aka 'Nibbles'): 300-1

    If they know what's good for them, they'll have someone place a few (hundred) thousand on whichever name they've chosen and split the winnings. What bookie would have the guts to call them on it?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Liverpool reject Arsenal's offer of £40m plus £1 for Luis Suarez, a total designed to activate a clause in the striker's contract.
    ------------------------------------------------

    Why the hell would we reject this. They surely arent going to pay anything more than 40 mil. Take the money, get Damiao and Bernard, and put an end to this will he, won't he saga.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree. Suarez might (as a talent) be "worth" £55m (say), but you have to knock off Suarez as a human being (I'm reliably informed) from that.


      Jedi

      Delete
  17. You're probably right there Noel bit there's no smoke without fire.unless you ve got a smoke machine.

    Robbo you're also probably right that this is one of the great period of British sporting achievements, but this article suggests the 30s and 60s-70s (football).

    http://www.mirror.co.uk/opinion/sport-opinion/ashes-2013-andy-murray-winning-2079352

    ReplyDelete
  18. Not just 40 mil for Suarez, but 40 mil + the expression on H2's face when he sees Luis playing for his team.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. H2H will be biting his lip - what Suarez will be biting is anyone's guess!

      Spider

      Delete
  19. H is a long time fan of the man who grew up eating apples through a tennis racket and has been so hungry ever since he'll eat anything except black people

    In other news, Bale out with a fractured buttock.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh for fucks sake. Boycott!

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10199138/Jane-Austen-unveiled-as-face-of-new-10-note.html

    ReplyDelete
  21. Rafa signs Higuain for Napoli.poor old arsene

    ReplyDelete
  22. Blogs, good to avoid dyslexic necrophilia. Please send all offending notes to me.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Great reaction to the Suarez situation...

    Following Arsenal's most recent approach, a post on Liverpool owner John Henry's Twitter page read: "What do you think they're smoking over there at Emirates?"

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23428419

    ReplyDelete
  24. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge name their son George Alexander Louis.
    --------------------------
    Dammit Trotts, you were right..there was a reference to Suarez. At least it wasn't Gareth Wayne Louis.

    ReplyDelete
  25. you sayin' he was named after George Best, Alex Ferguson and Louis Suarez? Suarez certainly is a royal nipper!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ronaldo free kick makes breaking news:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-23443565

    ReplyDelete
  27. Robbo you are an entertaining writer, and I'd still read you if all you discussed was lawn bowls. But dam, the sooner you get back to football instead of these other "sports" the better!

    ReplyDelete
  28. shit blog robbo! wake me up when the new season starts.
    off to kill the dog!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'll say it again:

    http://fantasy.football-league.co.uk/

    Robbo Blog Championship
    PIN: 5804891

    You know you want in. Or at least you know you'll humor me...

    ReplyDelete
  30. This is not a valid league code. Please enter another code or check the code with the league administrator.

    Please advise Stephen. Can't possibly be my computer skills.

    ReplyDelete
  31. oh, now I see, it's on a different web site. Good luck, I can't keep track of one team, nevermind two!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. C'mon Trotts, you could win the league with a core of players you actually support. You don't think Eagles, Davies and Bogdan will win you the title? (And what about Ream and Holden? Think they'll play any part in the side this year?)

      Delete
    2. whaddaya mean? Championship players are in your fantasy league?

      I can get half of Bolton's players at WHU!

      Delete
    3. Trotts, Stephen's league is not Premier League, it's Championship FFL.

      Delete
    4. ohhh i get it. I'll get on that this weekend. In other news, I bet you a dollar that Kevin Davies scores more than Suarez when Preston play Liverpool in their pre-season almost friendly.

      Delete
    5. Anything's possible I guess, but seeing as the friendly happened 2 weeks ago and neither of them played, very unlikely.

      Delete
    6. Stephen's League will be fun as have to find players I*'ve heard of for the first 8 then 3 cheap ones who I'm not sure will even play as I've never heard of them

      Delete
    7. That was basically my strategy before I realized many of the players I'd heard of may be sold before the season starts. If they aren't, I may go back and rework my team (again). Why can't the transfer window close before the season starts? Don't they know we have fantasy teams to manage with limited transfers?

      Delete
  32. AH, holy fuck, I just read about the upcoming friendly!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Well the news takes time to get to the colonies via packet steamer, trot. Don't know if you've heard yet but we hosted the Olympics recently.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Yeah, I knew that, 1948 was a great year.

    ReplyDelete
  35. For Australian cricket it was trot (the original invincibles win the Ashes 4-0)

    ReplyDelete
  36. yep, and Arsenal won the league, Man U won the cup, Henry Cotton won the British Open. Can't wait 'til my 1949 paper arrives!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Wait... 1949? Out here in Utah it is 1849.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh fuck, you gotta lotta shit comin' your way!

      Delete
  38. Interesting you say that professional footballers pretty much drug test free these days. I have played in Scottish leagues for 9 seasons now and been tested once in that whole time, which was a random test after a game once in 2011.
    I am pretty sure it is a clean sport from my experience, but how do they expect to catch players if they never test?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Trotts...

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23397062

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what a rare honour, thanks for that Jacks, a plaque indeed should be appropriately procured and mounted!

      Delete
  40. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23492978

    ReplyDelete
  41. From Red Star Belgrade, an alternative and revolutionary theory on the pies and beer diet!

    Red Star Belgrade players are warned to stop eating meat pies for breakfast, drinking beer after practice and enjoying wild nights out in the Serbian capital.

    The former European Cup winners Red Star struggled against modest Icelandic outfit IBV in the Europa League second qualifying round, winning 2-0 on aggregate, prompting manager Slavisa Stojanovic to rebuke his players after Sunday's training session.

    "All the hard work you have done in the searing heat of pre-season build-ups will amount to nothing if you keep eating meat pies before practice and drinking two or three beers after it," Stojanovic was quoted as saying by Belgrade media on Monday.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Testing by FBH - "our lass" has been at me puter ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Just wanted to say thank you for your kind thoughts and donations to The Emily Simpson Fund - we are having a Fundraiser on Friday - Trotter you are excused ;-) (thank you)

    I received a letter from a chap in London that follows the blog - he lost his child - and the letter moved me indeed - thank you kind Sir.

    On a less important note - Up The Boro - Following them STILL hurts!!!!!!!!!

    Speak soon my friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope it's a great night Terry, there couldn't be a better cause than your own kid. Keep up the good work.

      Delete
  44. former Tottenham manager Pleat, who feels it would take a fee of £100m to even tempt them to sell [Gareth Bale], told BBC Sport: "I think he's a little bit young to go abroad..."

    That's the Welshman Gareth Bale, the one who plays in England.

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  45. Odd how Bale could be too young to go abroad but Chadli, Sigurdsson, and Sandro aren't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. David Pleat's a dickhead, just sayin'. Messi was too young to go abroad too, Ronaldo? Madrid is just like Wales anyway, except for the sunshine and bulls replace pissin' rain and sheep.

      Delete
    2. And neither place speaks a language monolingual English speakers can comprehend?

      Delete
  46. 4 years today since Sir Bobby Robson died.

    ReplyDelete
  47. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-23510657

    Liverpool FC,the gift that keeps on giving.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Have they given Suarez a copy?

    ReplyDelete
  49. And following on from Jack's post, Liverpool give a little more:

    http://www.offthepost.info/blog/2013/07/brendan-rodgers-broke-liverpools-unacceptable-word-list-last-season/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. can't go there Noel, my anti-virus software tells me that my hub caps are gonna get nicked and there'll be dog shit in the letter box.

      Delete
    2. Last September, he said: “I’ve spoken to the players and told them if you get little niggles or little injuries you’ve got to man up.”

      That phrase is now banned on the basis that is discriminates against gender
      --------

      Nothing to do with maturing from a boy to a man then. - Idiots

      And they do give even more

      http://www.offthepost.info/blog/2012/12/gif-it-liverpool-manager-brendan-rodgers-pervs-on-lfctv-host-remembers-hes-on-camera/

      Delete
  50. Steven Caulker is close to agreeing a move from Tottenham to Cardiff City.
    BBC Wales understands the clubs have agreed a fee in excess of £8m for the England defender.
    ----------------------
    WTF is happening there ? Vertonghen is injured, Gallas is out but they've sold one of England's most promising defenders (or was I the only person to have that opinion). Liverpool and Spurs have enough midfielders to supply the entire PL, yet we keep trying to add more of them, while ignoring defence (Liverpool) and strikers (Spurs).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree with you there AH - bit of a weird transfer this. I thought he was a future Spurs captain, but I guess Spurs felt he was surplus, what with us already having Vertonghen (injured), Kaboul (always injured) and Dawson (normally injured). Apparently we have a 24 year old Romanian lad coming in as well.

      Weirdly, I'm actually quite excited about Bale leaving. Obviously I don't want him to leave, but after the blatant tapping up that Madrid have done, he's had his head turned now. So now it's all about getting as much money off them as possible. That money gives us a chance to sign more players, or it's 25% of a new stadium paid for. We won't be able to attract the best players, as we don't have Champs League, and players may be put off by not having Bale there, but I'm sure we'll survive. We did alright without Modric last year.

      Delete
    2. Standard Real tactics Noel.The key for Spurs is to get Bale to say he wants to go,and for Levy to screw them into the ground on a fee and replace Bale with 3/4 high quality players.

      Delete
    3. That's it mate. It'll be sad to see him go, but it's a fantastic opportunity to strengthen the squad with some quality. My main concern is getting the cash from Real. They still owe 20m from the 30m Modric deal last year - if we don't get 85m (or whatever the fee becomes) in cash this window, we won't be able to strengthen all at once. Levy has to demand cash up front, none of this drip feeding shite over 5 years. To get a world record fee for Bale is too good an opportunity to miss, if he wants to go.

      Delete
    4. And of course the main point in all of this - now I've got 12m to re-allocate in my fantasy footie team.

      Delete
    5. I wish they'd just get the fuck on with it, however the outcome. This is the third pre-season in a row that's been fucked about with because Real are tapping up our best players (remember they did this shit with Modric the year before we sold him)

      We seem to have more than enough midfielders to cope without him (we signed a new one the other day I seem to recall) ....besides, we'll have no shortage of mopney to buy some FUCKING STRIKERS.

      STRIKERS, LEVY. YOU KNOW, THE ONES WHO PLAY UP FRONT AND SCORE GOALS?

      ('scuse the caps, I'm hoping it'll finally ram the message into his head.)

      Delete
  51. In other news - England manager Roy Hodgson is to take charge of the country's under-21 side for the match against Scotland on 13 August.
    ----------
    So they got rid of Pearce (nothing wrong there) but didnt think it necessary to have a successor lined up before the next game ?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Friendly's make up for lack of excitement with the entertainment provided. City 5-3 A C Milan. And it's just halftime.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And on cue..it end 5-3 after a rather listless second half.

      Delete
  53. Take a bow, Southall for telling it like it is :)

    "Everton legend Neville Southall says the club should forget about signing Joey Barton - because he is no better than Forrest Gump.

    Boyhood Everton fan Barton, 30, has been linked with a move to Goodison Park and speculation increased after he cryptically Tweeted "once a blue..." last night.

    But former Everton goalkeeper Southall believes Roberto Martinez should cross the QPR midfielder, who spent last season on loan at Marseille, off his list of transfer targets.

    Southall said: "What is he going to add to Everton? I think they have already got a kitman.

    "I don't see how he will fit into Everton's style of play. He isn't the best passer in the world. Yes he is fit and runs up and down all day but Forrest Gump did that as well, didn't he? "

    ReplyDelete
  54. So how goes things around here while I was away?

    I see the FFL's up and running again. Stuck a team in ...never know I might remember the sodding password this time round and make changes as and when.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Remarkable story in The Times today.According to them Kenny Sansom has been living homeless for the last 10 days as he's a drinker and a gambler.The source they use is The Sun,so I suspect a pinch of salt may be necessary,but even so it's a terrible story.

    ReplyDelete
  56. The Sun is now operating a pay wall for it's t'internet,but it's in the Daily Wail as well.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2382340/Kenny-Sansom-reveals-hes-HOMELESS-years-boozing-gambling.html?ITO=1490&ns_campaign=1490&ns_mchannel=rss

    ReplyDelete
  57. Fuck yeah wee have a striker now ... even though it's taken our spend to 50 million now

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23531981

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It must have been those capital letters you were using earlier.

      Delete
    2. High time that worked Noel :)

      Delete
  58. Michael Owen's horse has won the Goodwood Cup. First trophy he's had his hands on in a while.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Okie, let me try then...

    AYRE/FSG, GET RID OF SUAREZ FOR 40 MIL AND BRING IN BERNARD AND ANYONE WHO CAN DEFEND A SET PIECE!

    ReplyDelete
  60. In other news, the FFL goes well lol ... before a ball is kicked I have a man injured haha

    ReplyDelete
  61. What is with the FFL. About 40 people signed up for the classic league but only about half that many for the head-to-head. C'mon people, get busy.

    The most shocking stat is probably that H2H hasn't signed up for the H2H.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Still waiting for more to join in the Championship fantasy league, but thanks to those of you who have.

      http://fantasy.football-league.co.uk/

      Robbo Blog Championship
      PIN: 5804891

      Few, if any of us have any clue what we're doing, so it should be quite an interesting season.

      Delete
    2. Up to 6 now..come on people, 4 more and at 10 we can have a nice league going.

      Delete
    3. I'm in all four leagues Jack posted up top. Just joined Stephen's league, though to say I haven't a clue who I'm picking is an understatement.

      Financial Fair Play means I've blown most of the budget on two big name strikers and midfielders and spent the remaining 83 pence on the rest of the team lol

      Delete
    4. In my informed, intellectual and mature way, I did what I do at the races, and basically chose players by their names - other than two who come from down this way.


      AH - thanks for heads up on H2H somehow forgot those ones

      Delete
  62. Rafael Benitez's new club Napoli are interested in signing Liverpool defender Martin Skrtel, 28, and Manchester City's Gareth Barry, 32.
    =====================================

    Rafa still hasn't gotten over his infatuation with Barry.

    ReplyDelete
  63. is Rafa the bookies' favourite to take over from Mourinho?

    ReplyDelete
  64. Liverpool have submitted a £21.8million bid for Atletico Madrid striker Diego Costa.

    Boss Brendan Rodgers has been looking to secure another potent attacking option and believes Costa fits the bill.
    ---------------------------

    22 million pounds ?? Never even heard of this guy. He managed 10 goals in the the league last season and he costs 22 million?? Does he think he's English? Well, Coutinho had even less impressive stats, so I just hope BR has got this one right. 22 mil would have gotten an established product like Damiao, but I guess we can't afford the wages of established players anymore. Man, it sucks to be destitute.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But Liverpool have a history of paying stupid fees for average players, AH! Carroll, Henderson, Downing, Allen. Our new Belgian international winger, Nacer Chadli, got 10 goals and 22 assists last season. He cost us 6 million.

      Delete
    2. Dembele, Vertonghen, Chadhi ....is AVB secretly trying to assemble the Belgian first XI or something?

      Delete
    3. For some reason, BR doesn't buy wingers, we only buy attacking midfielders or strikers who can also play out wide. I dont know, it could go either way - Borini or Coutinho. Time will tell, can't wait for the 17th.

      Delete
  65. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/australasia/woman-tries-to-buy-two-apple-iphones-online-ends-up-with-actual-edible-apples-8743638.html

    ReplyDelete
  66. http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/blogs/tramlines/cancer-survivor-tells-amazing-story-meeting-federer-094220705.html

    A very nice story

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do think Roger Federer is that rare thing,a genius and a thoroughly nice man.

      Delete
  67. So Suarez is thinking about forcing a move to Arsenal.

    First off, why go there when he was supposedly so fed up with the evil English media jumping on his cuntish actions?

    And what the hell is Wenger playing at? He really doesn't strike me as someone who'd put up with the aggro/maintenance such a cunt would entail.

    Someone help me out here figure this out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Arsenal are named after their French manager, so they must be French.

      Wenger wants to show he can spend big money, and not just on a handful of quick, undersized, creative, nippy, annoying players, but on one quick, undersized, creative, nippy, annoying player with Premier League experience.

      Either that, or as often seems to be the case, money talks, and it is singing a sweet siren song for both of them.

      Delete
    2. Apparently the writing in caps thing did not work. 40 mil is plenty for someone who wants to leave. No one is going to offer more than the gunners. If I were Rodgers, I would suggest a straight swap with cazorla, no money needed. Not that he would be slightly interested in leaving a CL team for one not even in Europa, but it would be fun.

      Delete
  68. I'm sure the rest of you are as fed up as I am with all the Gareth Bale shite in the papers, but one quote caught my attention yesterday. There has obviously been two sides to all the gossip - Real's side, including false newspaper articles with transcripts of meetings that never happened, every current player being wheeled out to say how much they want Bale to go to Real, and club presidents past and present saying how they're going to sign him whether Spurs like it or not.

    Then you've got the Spurs side, where the club have said he's not for sale (although he obviously now is), ex players such as Hoddle and Ginola saying a move abroad would be wrong at this stage of his career etc etc. and even David Pleat urging Gareth not to let his head be turned. So it's all pretty normal - everyone associated with Real want him to go, and everyone associated with Spurs want him to stay.

    Then yesterday, along comes darling 'Arry and his braindead son - both ex-Spurs employees, who come out on the Real Madrid side, saying he should leave and that their 'contacts' at the club have told them that Bale wants to leave. Now that may be so, but what the fuck has it got to do with them? What a couple of mongs. I hope they sell him soon, cos I can't be putting up with another month of this shite all over every sports website.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, bored to tears here. It's put up or shut the fuck up time. He'll go and we all know it. AVB's had that in mind with the signings he's made. Chadli is looking more and more like a steal if he chips in with goals and assists like he has elsewhere.

      One more striker (as we've still only got two as I'm not counting Ade) and we'll be well set methinks.

      Delete
    2. Yeah another top quality striker is a must, mate. All gone a bit quiet on Damiao, but hopefully he's still on the radar. AVB doesn't seem to want BAE in the team so I guess a leftback is on the cards. Maybe Coentrao included in the Bale deal, but depends what kind of wages he expects, and what they value him at. We need to get Adebayor off the wage bill as soon as possible.

      Delete
  69. Ah ...back in league one and normal service has been resumed it seems ....least Colch will be happy with the result lol

    ReplyDelete
  70. Mid table mediocrity? That will do nicely sir.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Star, poor old coventry .... as good as relegated already

    ReplyDelete
  72. FPP is a nice idea but....according to this, real with their insane transfer buying power, are less indebted than 'sensible' arsenal.

    http://www.theguardian.com/football/2013/aug/03/real-madrid-uefa-financial-fair-play

    Their share of TV revenues will lock in their competitive advantage in the transfer market and put pressure on the top English clubs to go for a higher share of TV revenues.

    ReplyDelete
  73. The upshot of this is that Port Vale may take 5 years or more to join the European elite, which I'm not happy about.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Happy to see Clint Dempsey move on - never really fitted our system, but was a good stop-gap last season. And scoring the winner at Old Toilet and a Fergie time equaliser at the Lane against Utd made him worth every penny. To recoup his transfer fee is another great bit of selling business by Levy. Just needs to work on his buying business.

    Now if we can just find a mug willing to take Adebayor off our hands......

    ReplyDelete
  75. Utd looking like admitting defeat in their chase of Fabregas and are now turning their attentions to...... Bastian Schweinsteiger.

    Another rejection heading your way Moyes.

    ReplyDelete
  76. they should have gone for Paulinho, he's gonna be a fantastic buy for Spurs, would have been a perfect replacement for Scholes. Maybe they'll make a bid next week!

    ReplyDelete
  77. We don't consider selling for less than 100 mil these days Trott. That's a years' debt repayment for Utd so they probably couldn't afford him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 100 million would buy a lot of pies. I personally hope that Chelsea and Arsenal buy loads of players as they seem to be the most likely to lend us one. Doesn't seem to be happening though.

      Delete
  78. Replies
    1. Looks like the rain will save them.

      Delete
  79. http://www.foxsports.com.au/football/a-league/manchester-united-almost-refused-to-play-against-a-league-all-stars-over-sponsorship-conflict/story-e6frf4gl-1226690844993#.Uf4UK2Q-sdhweb

    Clowns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And people say that football has become a business.

      Delete
  80. Bolton manager Dougie Freedman wants to sign Liverpool midfielder Jay Spearing on a permanent deal.

    "Jay is a fantastic player, our player of the season, and available," Freedman told BBC Radio Manchester.
    -----------------------
    Spearing was your player of the season, Trotts? Would be mightly pleased if this were true for good old Jay, but somehow find that hard to believe. Next thing you know, Shelvey will be Swansea's player of the season this time around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. unlike Ngog, he flourished when he left Liverpool. Same thing happened to The Beatles and my mate Phil, the hub cap reconditioner.

      Delete
    2. And strangely enough, me. Not that I could do much flourishing as a 11 year old (last I was back in England as a resident), so can't really blame Liverpool on my account.

      Delete
  81. Brendan Rodgers has named a 21-man squad to face Valerenga in Norway on Wednesday.

    Luis Suarez will also remain on Merseyside as a precaution following an injury in training yesterday.
    ====================================
    Sounds like the same mystery illness that kept Rooney and Bale from their latest pre-season games. It's a freakin epidemic I tell you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Transferitis is a dangerous disease should all be quarantined at their current clubs until September 6th - that'll cure it

      Delete
    2. Brazil defender David Luiz will miss Chelsea's match with Real Madrid in Miami on Wednesday, the Blues have announced.
      Luiz did not train with the rest of the squad today and has been ruled out of the Real match for an unspecified reason.
      ------------------

      Delete
  82. August 6th and out of one cup competition already.

    Oh well......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, ditto for the Gills Jack. Just a distraction anyway. Said that last year when we went out first round and things turned out all right.

      Delete
  83. Best Wayne Rooney media report of the transfer window so far, comes courtesy of that well known sports illustrator, Private Eye:

    MULTI-MILLIONAIRE NOT HAPPY
    A very rich man said today that he was not happy in his current workplace and would like to move somewhere else.
    Experts say he may go somewhere else, or he may stay where he is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is almost as good as their headline the other week

      WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO BABY
      and other stuff inside

      Understatement is often best

      Delete

  84. Players to receive PFA guidance about tackling racist language

    Premier League and Football League players will receive guidance from the Professional Footballers' Association about tackling racist language.

    The PFA sessions will focus on what is deemed banter or acceptable jibes towards opponents and what is not.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23599554

    ------
    I'm picturing Suarez & Co. sitting in a circle, hurling abuse at each other, then voting on whether something was racist enough to be offensive.

    ReplyDelete
  85. As Spurs close in on Etienne Capoue, I'd just like to give Starfire's capital shouty technique a go:

    SPURS - STOP SIGNING FUCKING MIDFIELDERS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Confused by Dempsey's move. I understand wanting to leave due to the competition, but ditching England (and the European competition) altogether? Then again, the money he'll make in the MLS should soften the blow considerably, and the league isn't as bad as it used to be.

      On the shouty note...

      CHELSEA: DON'T BOTHER WITH ROONEY AND DON'T SELL LUIZ!

      Delete
    2. Even more intriguing is the fact that Capoue is a defensive midfielder, where you have Sandro and Livermore. I guess when you have a 100 mil coming your way you can afford to have 3 defensive midfielders.

      Delete
    3. Gareth Bale used to be a promising left back, I'm hoping Dougie signs a dozen left backs this month.

      Delete
    4. I think Dempsey wasn't guaranteed much playing time this season, and in a World Cup year, felt he had to be playing regularly. But like you said, wages higher than Beckham's might have had some impact on his decision.

      AH, I guess this signals the end of Scott Parker's time at Spurs too. Will be a good buy for someone, if he lowers his wage demands. Livermore could probably do with a season's long loan again. Alternatively, maybe AVB has been given special dispensation by FIFA to play his favoured 4-16-1 formation this season.

      Delete
    5. I think most teams would back that dispensation seeing as Bale would have no space to run into with all those players around him (unless he's in Madrid come Sep-5 of course).

      Delete
  86. Spurs team on par with gooners at the mo
    Only chelsea, city & utd have better teams
    Spurs looking good for 4th with adebayor, defoe, dembele & soldado up front. Better strikers than Chelsea @ the mo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have seen Adebayor play recently haven't you? And Dembele is a midfielder who charges forward every now and again. Basically we've just got Soldado and Defoe. One and a half strikers. Norwich have better strikers than us at the moment.

      Delete
  87. Did I read that right? Anzhi are willing to sell their entire first team till their wage bill is slashed by 60% to comply with the FFP regulations? Has no one told them UEFA were just kidding with the FFP thingy.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Gareth Bale’s switch to Real Madrid in doubt as Perez admits €100m is too much for any player.
    -----------------------------------------
    Great. Now please come and take Suarez off our hands for half that much (or 40 mil + Xabi).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This has to go down as an awesome piece of tapping up. Speak openly about being willing to pay a new transfer record for Bale as he will 'make any money back in shirt sales alone'. Bale has his head turned by repeated stories in the press, and a 'it's now or never' statement from Zidane. Spurs can't turn down 100 mil+ so reluctantly start negotiations. Then, Real say, 'not sure we fancy paying that much for him', knowing that Bale wants to leave now and there's not long until the season starts. Unfortunately for them, they're up against Daniel Levy who simply won't sell unless the terms are right. I guess this means more players will be involved in the deal. Not sure I want an 18 year old striker (can't remember his name) included. Firstly, Levy will count it as another striker, so no need to go and buy another decent one, and secondly, he's an 18 year old. He can't be relied on to score goals, and may never make the first team. I'm still fuming that Levy agreed to take Frazier Campbell as part of the Berbatov deal on a years loan.

      Delete
    2. Bale may end up staying as with Anzhi selling everyone if they could land Samuel Eto'o it would be for a lot less and he'll sell more shirts.

      It's annoying though as I'll have to redo my fantasy league team again

      Delete
  89. More importantly, Bale needs to go as I took ages re-shuffling my FFL team without him in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never put Bale in my FFL Noel .... I couldn't risk my usual injury curse striking him down last season ;)

      Delete
  90. very tired of the bale--suarez-rooney bullshitting now for the following reasons...

    a) as these are pretty obviously the three key signings or non-signings which will determine where the "only 5 clubs that matter" will be reltively placed next year and

    b) bale/rooney/suarez are damaging their own reps irreparably (admittedly only bale had a rep which could possibly be any lower) by allowing their agents to play out the high stakes game so public-yawn-illy when

    c) CUNTS ! the billionaire owner/cunt club dont give a shit what the fans think so therefore

    d) damaging publicity will exert no pressure and as

    e) earnings, brand image, billionaire egos and yes footballing stakes are so high I conclude that

    f) fuckin not going to happen, any of it

    ReplyDelete
  91. My clairvoyant cat has just told me ....

    Bale to Man U for £80 million. put a monkey on it.

    Samuel O'to'oto'o from Anzhi Makalakachakalakachakakaalaala to Port Vale for 35p

    im off to the bookies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not sure about the first one blog

      Am dead certain what's happening about the 2nd. Best Get that bootleg merchandise made while the rumour is still good

      Delete
  92. To be fair .... Bale hasn't said a great deal aside from the standard 'I'd like to at least speak to Real' once they started flaunting the cash, whereas Suarez has shown an utter disrespect to a team who's stood by some idiotic actions on his part by throwing his toys out of the pram.

    If anything, the past week or so, Bale's not said a word, it's all Real running off their gobs about how they'll pay whatever it takes to get him Levy's going to dangle them upside down and shake them down for every penny he can get as a result.

    Ultimately, if Bale doesn't go this year, he'll just knuckle down and get on with things until the next transfer window.

    Anyway, I'm much more worried about the fact we've

    A: Got another 700 midfielders heading our way, and
    B: We're being linked to Carlton Cole ..... yes, he's a striker, but really?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is he actually a striker? I thought he was a standard fixture that the ball bounced off so get to someone else. Sort of like Emile Heskey but with more cash, a worse attitude and less talent

      Delete
  93. Funny thing about Bale is Real saying we really want him and will spend loads and now it's Nah don't think he's worth that sort of cash - Mr Eto'o's availability a factor one wonders.

    He may not actually move at all. On the other hand yet another Chairman becomes afflicted with the stuipidity bug

    http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/news/football-new-name-hull-072136925.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think their new name is greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!

      Delete
  94. Hope all of you nice people hav ebeen well.

    ReplyDelete
  95. OH NO FUCKING HELL HE'S SIGNED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's a bit of a shocker that a French International signed for anybody but Les Magpies.

      Delete
    2. It'll only be a matter of days before Ashley'll come clean and announces he's renaming the team to Le Francais Premiere XI, just because he's gone a full three months without seriously fucking off the fanbase Trotts ;)

      Delete
    3. it is a bit odd, perhaps he's been away with Joe Kinnear at intense Berlitz classes in Paris.

      Delete
  96. Bloody hell..just a week to go for the PL to kick off. Feels like a bloody year since last season ended.

    Also nice to see Liverpool state (for what it's worth)that it's too late to find a replacement for Suarez now and there's no way he's being sold to Arsenal or anyone else. I hope they stick to that stand and he's forced to either apologize or sits the season on the bench or worse. Nice to see clubs standing firm on all 3 cases.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well he's sitting out the first month anyway for being a vampiric cunt ... only be a matter of time after that before he does something else boneheaded and earn another 9-10 match ban.

      I'd leave him out of the team, get on with things without that sideshow and loan him out to some godforsaken part of Europe to get him out of everyone's hair.

      Delete
    2. I agree completely. Loan him out to Anzi. If they cant pay his wages, we should offer to pay half.

      Delete
    3. They should get the fuck rid of Suarez before he fucks up the next two years. Insubordination breeds instability in team sports. However, I'll enjoy the circus from afar for as long as he stays.

      Delete
  97. Ashes question... people who wear costumes/fancy dress... do they wear them all day or bring reasonable clothes to wear at some point? Not just the tacky blazers but the rabbits, frogs, kangaroos, etc. Where did that start, anyway? Something to do with drinking all afternoon?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Community shield tomorrow, footy a week from today. All our customer services representatives are busy taking footy questions.Your question will be answered once all footy issues have been addressed. We thank you for your interest in our services.

      Delete
    2. Haven't been to a cricket match in about 5 years Stephen and never saw anyone inappropriate funny costume except geoff. Boycott dressed as a human being so it must be a recent thing when silly posh people want to get on tv

      I say Hugo did you see me dressed as a chicken?
      Haw haw you're an absolute brick Julian. I said Brick.

      Delete
    3. I was at Trent Bridge to watch England v India in 1996 and was sat in front of three blokes in body length condom's (think Priscilla Presley in Naked Gun). Fortunately they had their reasonable clothes on underneath.

      Delete
  98. Watched col u beat vale 1-0. S'only a game after all.

    Enjoyable match in spite of the result. 3200 crowd tho. 350 of them vale fans.

    Colchester isn't a football town I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  99. watching US Womens Football, Washington v Seattle, best game I've seen all season.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Where the hell is everyone ? And Robbo..5 days to kick off my friend. Where is the predictions blog?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're all off saving our witticisms for the predictions blog so we can share our own. In a nutshell, whatever I predict won't happen.

      Delete
    2. I predict that Robbo's predictions blog will be after the season has started but don't ask me, ask Blog's clairvoyant cat.

      Delete
    3. I guess if we cant get a predictions blog, the next best is a prediction from blogs.

      Delete
    4. Had a few days off last week only to come back and find someone must have hacked into my team selection for the Championship FFL as I am currently languishing in 8th place, which would not be so bad if there weren't only 8 people involved.

      My team selection may possibly be as bad as Derek Acorahs predictions .

      Delete
  101. Looks like a good line-up at the Tour of Britain. You going to see a stage, Jacks? Haven't seen the route, so don't know how close it'll get to the Potteries.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cycling/23669294

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just looked up the route, and stage 4 starts in Stoke, so I guess you will be going for a look?!

      Delete
    2. I get VIP tickets every year Noel.

      It's not what you know....

      Delete
    3. they'll have to cancel the Stoke leg when all their wheels get nicked in Knowsley.

      Delete
  102. I see McNulty has his first blog of the season out, so if that doesn't inspire Robbo back to his keyboard then what will?

    Apparently, with City coming 2nd last year, it restored the Premier League to it's normal hierarchy. Well, if history is restricted to the last 3 years, then his assessment is slightly accurate.

    ReplyDelete
  103. And what of Hawk-Eye, the oft-bizarre pursuits of Bale/Suarez/Rooney, and the Boro's chances this year? Heck, I'd even take an homage to Mo Farah's and Christine Ohuruogu's triumphs in Moscow. C'mon, Robbo!

    ReplyDelete
  104. I suspect this may just be for Noel,but it had me giggling.

    http://chrisfroomelookingatstems.tumblr.com/

    ReplyDelete
  105. Hello all, hope you're enjoying the summer.

    Due to the sunniness of this season, plus plenty of goings on here and around the bar/restaurant I decided to take a sabbitical from all things internety, do some work and get myself into a bit better shape instead. As promised, I failed at giving up drink, but have cut down majorly, changed my diet and started exercising (a thirty km bike ride every morning), all in all I've lost around 6kilos, although I'm not ruling out the possibility that someone stole them from me when I was ratfaced at the local carnival, I suppose I'll never know.

    Besides from that, the summer sports hold no interest at all to me, cricket, tennis, golf, horse knobbing, meh!

    Football also seems to have lost a bit of sparkle too. For the first time in years I was looking forward to an off season where, as an Arsenal fan, I wouldn't have to be worried that our best players would be picked off, or tippy tappy upied and that we had plenty of cash and plenty of time to add some additions to what was starting to look like a pretty decent squad, but no, identifying the weakness' and adding players would be the easy thing to do, let's fanny around with players that we won't sign instead.

    To add insult to injury, with less then a week to go to kickoff, with still not a signing in sight, we are embroiled in a nasty piece of business with two total buttholes in the shape of David Brent-en Rodgers and John W Henry (why do all richy rich type meerkens have names that sound like pet names for schlongs?), trying to land the most dispicable cuntbucket in the world of football.Luis "Is that a piece of Ivanovic between your teeth" Suarez. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????

    Wenger's lost the fucking plot, John W Penis (whatever) may have a point about whatever is been smoked around the Emirates, but it's probably from the same supplier as he's getting his shit from. Why in the name of all things holy wouldn't you want to take that ridiculous amount of cash and get that troublemaker off your books? None of it makes any sense to me.

    Cofused and bewildered (and not in a good way)
    The Netherlands

    ReplyDelete
  106. Maybe if West Ham made a bid for Suarez they could get him fof about 6-7mill. ;
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23665483

    ReplyDelete