Monday, 9 September 2013

Hansen Is As Hansen Does

The announcement of the forthcoming retirement of Alan Hansen has hit the nation across the face with all the power and punch of a carelessly tossed cotton wool ball. Fair play to him for walking, mind you. Stuart Broad, wherever the hell you might be, take note.

But it brings to the fore the thorny issue of just how shite Match of the Day has become. While BT Sport are thrusting their little hips around in the form of Jake Humphrey and a studio the size of Dunstable, and Gary Neville's wielding his Sky gadgetry like some Mancunian Gandalf, MotD continues to chunter away in the corner like an ailing uncle.

So what's up with it?

The boy Lineker is still comfortably at the helm, but that saintly smirk stopped working when he employed it for the 723rd time in yet another Walkers crisp commercial. (What does he have over them, exactly - has he caught factory workers lobbing toe-jam into the cheesy Quavers?)

Plus there's the fact that, as a former professional footballer himself, why does Gary need to ask the opinion of other former professionals? It makes him look like he's being deliberately dumb, like some coquettish blonde with a first from Cambridge.

Television loves doing this. Take Ready Steady Cook. The chef Ainsley Harriot asks chefs how to cook. Former French Open champion Sue Barker asks tennis players how to play tennis. What next? Geri Halliwell asking Kerry Katona how to go about making a living from doing fuck-all?

Ideally your main man/woman should be a keen amateur enthusiast - your Des Lynam, your Clare Balding. Adrian Chiles works much better as a host of a footy programme precisely because he wants to know what it feels like to be stepping out on the park in an England shirt for the first time.

Of course you have to hand it to Lineker that he manages to keep a programme rolling when the punditry is delivered by Newcastle's answer to Stephen Hawking, Alan Shearer, and the lolling Lancastrian Lawro.

There used to be a kind of twinkly-eyed detachment in Lawrenson. He was the dressing-room 'wag'. He was the twot who put the 'pun' into pundit. These days he looks as bored as we are looking at him.

In the wings there are a whole host grisly options - and I excuse Pat Nevin from these cos by Gawd I like the bloke.

There's Robbie Savage who, despite preferring to look like a bearded Charlie's Angel, can be relatively coherent, although he can't help spouting contentious twaddle because he secretly thinks that's why he's been employed - he's a kind of footballing Richard Littlejohn. He's ruled Man U out of the title race already, according to the Beeb's website. The twit.

There's Martin Keown, who carries a Garth Crooksian gravitas with him and is an expert mixer of metaphors - the other day I heard him say that Arsenal were struggling because they hadn't managed to get the players in that they'd 'nailed their hats onto'.

Poyet - well I can't understand him (he always sounds like he's got a particularly chewy squid ring in his mouth); Hartson - he's straightforward enough but he never says owt that every bloke in my pub wouldn't say; Danny Murphy - promising enough but oh so mild.

But then each and every one of the new boys suffers from one drawback - Savage possibly aside - they just can't quite slate a former fellow pro like they should do.

And if you fumble down the back of the pundits' sofa you will find it clogged with one compromised opinion after another. The only time I've ever seen a BBC couch unite in condemnation is when England play in World Cup Finals. And hellfire in those circumstances even Mother Theresa could be forgiven for calling the wallies in white a bunch of useless malfunctioning cocks.

Of course one of the better pundits at the moment is Roy Keane, not because he is necessarily more acute than any of the others, but that he doesn't give a shite about what people think. You can tell just how challenging that is when people like Southgate wince as if the outspoken teenager has just dissed the head of chemistry again.

It is though, time to move on for Match of the Day and the fact that Hansen, there at the very dawn of the Premier League, has decided to spend more time on the golf course, and that the Beeb have given Lawro 'a reduced role' is a good thing.

They won't be much missed and within the year, I can see both of them talking up the delights of the latest sale at DFS:

       "Hansen: 'I used tae miss my sofa'.
         Lawro: 'Me too. I was never a City fan, but I'm dead sure I'm a settee fan, eh, Al?'

         Hansen shakes head and smiles at his irrepressible friend."

Shudder.

In their place I should like to see the following:

The host cannot be Lineker, he knows too much. I'd have Holly Willoughby. On the programme I mean. And Craig Revel-Horwood for balance.

My pundits would all be genuine and unreasonable. Joining Keano I'd have Geoff Boycott, Nick Faldo and a parrot that has learnt all it has to say from the football pundit handbook 2013 (or, if you will, Michael Owen).

Expert analysis a la G-Nev I would put in the hands of Dermot O'Leary lookalike, Tomasz Schaeffernacker. Foreign nationals, you may not know this fella but he's a BBC weatherman with all the swagger and pizzazz of a very cool cocktail waiter. Failing that I'd use Tracey Emin.

Viewers get to vote off a pundit each week, and they are replaced the following week by someone else effortlessly objectionable. Cowell? Mark Wahlberg? Neil Warnock?

You could press the red button and access such special extras as:
Thatch of the Day - one for the ladies in which Robbie Savage talks us through the best hair around; Snatch of the Day - not what you're thinking - but the most incompetent finish from a striker when one-on-one with the keeper (featuring the Frannie Jeffers Trophy);
Catch of the Day - a bit of a specialized one presented by Peter Shilton and mainly for old-school goalies who still reject the modern keeper's tendency to punch rather than claim....

Feel free to add to this list.

All I do know is that MotD is going to need a radical overhaul and I don't just mean Shearer's shirts or Lawro's appalling barnet. And at least this is a start. Cos let's face it, we don't have to pay shedloads to get this programme so it'd be nice to have it done well. Or better.

And good luck Mr Hansen. I can't help but like you a bit.








117 comments:

  1. Can't knowledgeably comment on many of the hosts, though I've heard enough of Owen to know I don't need to hear any more of him. I'm fine with most of the commentary teams, if only because they are a huge improvement over just about any of what we have here.

    To the -atch list, I'd add...

    Klatch of the Day: Old New York Jews share transfer gossip over coffee

    Hatch of the Day: Overhyping ten year-old academy players.

    Spatchcock of the Day: Mother's Theresa compares chicken recipes with English footballers.

    Batch of the Day: Baking cookies (or biscuits, or whatever you call them) with the FA. All cookies will somehow be stale and stomach-turning straight out of the oven.

    Scratch of the Day: Basically just MotD.

    Sasquatch of the Day: Another program about English hopes for footballing success. Big, fat, hairy, lies with more hopes than factual evidence for success.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Henderson Volleys9 September 2013 at 22:32

    Great blog on a subject close to my Ian Harte.

    Alan Shearer has to go, and that goes for all the other pundits that describe what any old muppet can see with their own eyes (Redknapp - Father and son, Owen, Hartson, Lawro).

    I quite liked Lee Dixon as he showed a bit of insight, but then he left (probably for showing the others up). Poyet is a joke, he is akin to Adebayor who made an appearance as a world cup pundit once, and Gazza too....impossible to understand whether they have anything valuable to say or not.

    I'm gonna put in a shout for some new pundit duos.....Fergie and Benitez, Keane and Haaland, Bowyer and Dyer, Joey Barton and well....pretty much take your pick from a long list.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Agree that Hanson will not be missed by most. However I think he's actually one of the more forthright of the MotD pundits.

    The problems with their pundits are twofold:

    1) Too many ex-players who don't want to slag off their mates, meaning very few pundits willing to give forthright opinions.

    2) Nobody giving any insight into the games and tactics.

    You addressed the first point yourself Robbo. As for the second I think we need to look to the Americans for inspiration (yes I did just say that, bear with me).

    A few seasons back Gary Neville joins sky sports, starts doing game analysis on his TV gadgety thing, and everyone in this country starts hailing him (and sky) for the fact that there's now actually a point to watching half-time and full-time "punditry". Actually this sort of thing has gone on in the US for many, many, many, many years.

    As a watcher of US sports I can tell you we are miles behind them in TV expert analysis. Absolute miles. It's not just our analysts either, its the commentators. Instead of simply telling you a shot was a "great strike" the Americans will tell you HOW it was a great strike and WHY the player chose to strike it that way. It's not just individual actions like shots that get this treatment. It's entire tactical concepts. Funnily enough the only US sport that doesn't get this treatment is MLS, probably because it started with European commentators from whom the US soccer commentators have (unfortunately) learned.

    This type of insightful, useful, learned observation and analysis is almost totally lacking in football (our football). Gary Neville's sky sports stuff is nice, but it's only a start. Things need to improve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wha? Huh? Confused... I live in the US. I don't like hearing WHY and HOW everything happened. Once in a while it is helpful. But by the 3253450897 time in one match, you're sick to death of it. Let the game speak for itself. Tell me who has the ball, if anything. Throw in an occasional comment, and shut your mouth. If only.

      Delete
    2. What Stephen said. And sometimes they throw Eminem in at the half time show and boy was that just really, really pathetic.

      Delete
  4. How about best lookin' bird in the crowd of the day?

    I don't want a commentator telling me how a player kicked the ball and I doubt that anybody whoever played the game wants to hear that either because they know already. They also know what his other options were.

    They do that in the USA because they're trying (pointlessly in my view) to educate people that have never kicked a ball, it's fuckin annoying beyond belief because there's 8 year old kids that could explain it better.

    Tits and goals with less yappin'!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. They talk about the Military-Industrial-Congressional Complex. It's got nothing on the Sports-Media-Gaming Complex in this country. The NFL just got started over here this weekend, and the amount of punditry is absolutely appalling. Pre-game shows. Post-game shows. And now a week's worth of analysis that could probably cure AIDS, de-escalate the Syrian crisis, and solve world hunger, were it applied to something other than "what should we look for from the Dee-troit Lions special teams next Sunday?"

      Delete
    2. Some of the American stuff is a bit too much, I agree. But the almost complete lack of tactical and technical insight given by the majority of pundits, analysts, commentators (etc.) for our game is perplexing. Even more so considering most of those people are ex-players who you might think would have a bit of that insight.

      I don't know, perhaps the ex-players who do have an appreciation for tactics go into coaching/management, and those who don't go into media. Neville seems to be one of the few exceptions.

      Personally I'd rather listen to pundits explaining things and giving insight rather than listen to the likes of Shearer/Keown/Savage/Murphy/Hartson/Southgate/etc spout clichés. Maybe that's just me.

      Delete
    3. Okay, so I should have read the rest of this. I'm a bit slow. Maybe someone should explain to me why and how to post comments.

      Delete
    4. I'll join that class too Stephen. What Scott and Bradw and Stephen said, plus the Eminem stuff.

      Delete
  5. Vegetable Patch of the Day - expert analysis on allotment gardens.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Blog beenup for agesbut watching new tricks instead. So first by default

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've gotta be honest and a bit different. I liked Match of the Day. I liked Hansen and Lawro on it, and I think Lineker is one of the most lovable-footballers-without-being-gay (just behind Beckham). I always enjoyed the banter between the presenter and the main pundits, the slight jibes, the slight humour. I liked Adrian Childes and Colin Murray on MOTD2. And I liked their combination with Dicko before he left. But, this season it already seems to have jumped off a cliff. The amount of times that Michael Owen says "I played with him for X seasons at Y and he's fantastic". The amount of times Savage tries to say something Keane-esqe controversial, although just comes off looking like a bit of a tit. And I already get the impression that Murphy is a Shearer copycat, but with less to say. Mark Chapman comes across as having the personality of a particularly average brick wall and a poor replacement for the cheeky-chappie Colin.

    The analysis on MOTD does need to be different from Gary Neville's on Sky due to the difference between a full live match and a highlights show. He's trying to focus the viewer on what they have just seen over 45 minutes, and highlight particular examples of what should have been done differently/what they should do next half and basically encourage the viewer to look out for certain things over the next 45 minutes. Ultimately his job is to fill up the 10 minutes between ad breaks. MOTD needs to emphasise what the patterns were over the full match and not just the highlights that were shown, and use quick examples that might have been cut from the 5 mins of the match they do actually show. eg "They did this exact passing move all match" "They may have had 9 shots on target but they just continually gave the ball away with poor passing like this, and this" etc.

    It's spot on what's been pointed out about the fear of insulting your mates for recently retired pros. This was always Hansen and Lawro's strength, they have no ties to the players they are flaming. The main thing they have ties to is LFC, which they have both proved time and again they don't have a problem slagging the club off. After all, compared to when they were playing there, the club is shambolic and generally poor with a very thin trophy cabinet.

    So yeah, this anonymous will miss Hansen when he goes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Spot on with your analysis Robbo. As an ex-BBC sports writer yourself, surely you could pull some strings and get yourself on the sofa? Either side of the table, take your pick. Either with your new co-host Willoughby, or as a pundit with Roy Keane. Not a hard decision.

    And as for Geri Halliwell making a living from doing fuck-all - she's currently gracing our screens as a judge on Australia's Got Talent, along with Dawn French and Tim-o-matic. She must have a new song coming out as she's performing at the Rugby League Grand Final Show. Probably not her normal crowd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tim-o-matic?? Really? Now I've got to google that.

      Delete
    2. Geri Halliwell is a fucking idiot.

      Delete
  9. Alan Hansen is a Supermarionation (c) production.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My ideal pundit panel would be Sepp bladder, prince Philip and Katie price, introduced by Kim-ill Sung from a pub in scunthorpe

    I'd still ff it tho

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thatch of the day. A show about roof repair in England's quaintest villages.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Batch of the day. A show about specialist seasonal pie-making in Britians favourite high street bakeries.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dacha The Day,combines TV's two loves of football and holiday homes.

    Just mind the polonium filled tea cups.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Scratch of the day - Wayne Rooneys head wound/consequence of Wayne Rooney to sleeping with Granny prostitute

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hmm.

    I cant help comparing the plight of MOTD with what goes on in Germany. League matches start on Friday (one match) and 6 on Saturday. Later after the evening news, you get to see all the goals and then on Sunday, you get to see a two and a half hour program where they have three sports journos (who are sometimes even asked to explain the stuff they wrote on players/games), a moderator who's not an ex-pro (as Robbo suggested, he's just there to ask questions), 1 distinguished ex-footballer who's actually won stuff (your Mathäus etc.) and they go over the previous matches and every one chips in. There is a glass jar where anyone using a 'cliche' has to deposit atleast 2 euros.

    After the initial review of the games, they have one of the serving managers from bundesliga clubs and they have to comment on players and games too as well as answering dirrect questions.

    hell they even allow the audience (fans of various clubs) to ask questions.


    I'd watch that.

    Infact, I do.

    Dont see why it cant be done in England. DOnt see why it cant be done by the BBC. Too many honest opinions perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes because motd is media trained supply-side ex-pros talking carefully about themselves without even an everyman/adrian chiles to chip it's tedious and sterile. like any group the pros end up with a more or less predictable groupthink world view - you dont need the shirts to guess that

      some are, as they should, be good at analysis, but not the bbc batch. theyre not coaches and theyre not particulately bright or articulate

      the studio audience idea is associated here with lairy lads grunting and laughing at nothing but i dont see why you couldnt have representative of fan groups pitching in about their own club ie the people who actually know what they're talking about from the demand side of the equation

      most of all they need some alternative perspectives eg moslem : Hajj of the Day

      Delete
  16. Much as I enjoyed the blog Robbo can we please refrain from having too many references to Lawro and his puns, he has the polar opposite on me to what Mourinho does.



    Todays top footie tip San Marino 40/1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I cant see San Marino scoring so it'd have to be 40/0
      Rastafairy

      Delete
    2. I'll get my coat, remember though, Hansen forged a 20 year career on being consistently wrong...
      Rastafairy

      Delete
  17. Aw Gary, it's just a flat back 4 Gary! RIP Alan Hansen qua pundit :-)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Good stuff RR, a topic that has been discussed many times here in the comments section.

    MotD is bland, it has become a parody of itself and not in a funny way, when the most flamboyant person on the show is Robbie Savage, then you know you're in Barney, but he's a lot more entertaining then that waste of shirt Shearer.

    Dixon left because he knew he was surronded by no marks, he was costantly interupted by braindeads (shearer the main culprit) and he'd had enough.

    e.g: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT_w5WNkzjM

    For the younger generation Hansen and Lawro must seem like dinosaurs, they're are told, every show via captions that these players won umpteen league titles with Liverpool, yet Liverpool have never won the PL, that must be confusing for the kids.

    Here in the NL, the games are pretty much spread over the weekend the same as Spits has desribed in Germany. Highlight shows happen Friday night, Saturday Night and the jewel in the crown an hour show every Sunday at 19:00 with all the weekends highlights, presnted by one, yes just one guy, including nothing but the football and interviews with the managers and influential (to that particular game) players, no anaylsis and no idle chit chat.

    The anaylsis show was on a different channel (RTL7) on Monday night it was called Football Inside (a wrong spelling of insight, I shit you not) and had a presenter who had no football background, a selection of coaches or ex players and a really irratating guy by the name of Johan Derksen who was the editor and cheif of Voetbal International, a popular magazine in the Lowlands. A scruffy guy with an untrimmed 'tauche and long hair, that used to smoke cigars during the show (not allowed anymore ofcourse), I always had the feeling that I could smell him when he was on screen and it wasn't pleasant. But I think that show is in danger because Fox have bought up all the rights to the Ere Divisie (as well as controlling PL rights) and are refusing to let RTL show any footage, ha ha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. waste of shirt Shearer

      best description i ever read. of anyone.

      Delete
  19. Bi-atch of the Day. A segment hosted by Arjan Robben and Luis Suarez highlights of the best dives, little slaps, lovers tiffs and general cheating that happens on the pitch with the winner from each week competing for the annual prize of the Golden Handbag.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that is a programme I would watch!

      Delete
  20. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24029055

    This is magnificent.

    Especially the chase at the end.

    Could do with the Benny Hill music.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not sure why a 4th tier Brazilian game is only available for viewing for U.K residents.

      Damn you BBC.

      Delete
    2. The clip on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r3Rue-FdHE

      Delete
    3. perfect, thanks for putting that up, Vengeance. It illustrates how unnecessary English commentary and analysis really is.

      Delete
    4. I love when he runs away as if nothing had happened. And of course, the reason he does this is... oh, wait... never mind.

      Delete
  21. yo, all you techno whizzes. Any idea where on line the England match can be seen?

    NBC sports is showing yachting. Fox soccer channel is showing reruns of 'How I met Your Mother', ESPN is all about college football. The only game available on the tele is Ecuador v Bolivia, wtf.

    ReplyDelete
  22. http://firstrownow.eu/watch/206564/1/watch-ukraine-vs-england---fifa-wcq-2014-.html

    http://firstrownow.eu/watch/206564/2/watch-ukraine-vs-england---fifa-wcq-2014-.html

    ReplyDelete
  23. Or this page has a whole bunch of links:


    http://www.wiziwig.tv/broadcast.php?matchid=218182&part=sports

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. cricfree.tv has a wide assortment, as does coolsport.tv

      Not that I've ever used them before, nor would I condone their use by anyone.

      Looks akin to the FA talking about foreign players.

      Delete
    2. won't use any that require downloading stuff!

      Delete
    3. Brilliant H, got it on that wiziwig! Thanks mucker.

      Delete
  24. There's your 40:1 san marino, thought it'd never happen.

    40 conceded, one scored.

    Am afraid, it might not remain like that.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Replies
    1. England: You were expecting something different H2?

      On the blog (since I haven't said anything yet), firstly another good'un Robbo. Lineker works better introducing golf (where he is an enthusiastic amateur) than football. Hansen's analysis at least usually shows something you might have missed, and he says something. Shearer's arse must be full of splinters: he sits on the fence so much.

      One criticism, Robbo: ANYONE is better than Adrian Chiles when it comes to presenting - anything really. The man's a walking wet blanket.


      Jedi

      Delete
  26. All the guile and movement of the father Ted over 70s 5-a-side game.

    ReplyDelete
  27. HOWEVER we should qualify from this position. We might even win a game.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Why haven't England qualified yet? The USA have.

    And if San Marino (congrats on the goal and good luck vs Gibraltar) beat Luxembourg (in 2004) and Luxembourg beat Northern Ireland (just now) and Northern Ireland beat England (in the 1920s) and England won the World Cup (1760s? 1860s?), does that mean San Marino could win the World Cup in Qatar?

    And how about Flatulence of the Day? Take any four pundits and the shit they spout out of one end can't be much different from what comes out the other.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Interesting bit of trivial regarding Tomasz Schaeffernacker. He got suspended from the Beeb for giving a co-worker the finger after they made a joke at his expense. The camera cut back to him live just as he did it so it went out to the world lol.

    ReplyDelete
  30. In other news, thanks to yet another snore-draw I've temporarily cured my insomnia.

    Seriously, are we going to win the cup by boring the opposition to death? It's like Homer Simpson's attempt to become a boxing legend by simply letting his opponents throw punches till they're exhausted them push them over.

    We'll hang back, wait for the oppo to kill themselves out of sheer boredom and then win with a tap in or two in injury time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Homer obviously based it on Ali's "Rope-a-Dope" method

      Spider

      Delete
  31. I think the drunken priest in father ted should host MoTD. After the duff that was the transfer window, the bore draws between the top teams in the Premiership and now England there is nowt else to do other than get drunk and shout "fek"

    ReplyDelete
  32. Well, The Netherlands qualified last night, inspite of their best efforts to be crap against Estonia and Andora, so I can break out the orange bunting next summer. For that reason alone I hope they go futher then they did in the last EC, otherwise that's a hell of a lot of work for three poxy games.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Macedonia goalkeeper misses kick-off against Scotland

    http://footballburp.com/updates/video-macedonia-goalkeeper-misses-kick-off-against-scotland/

    It was on the BBC website as well

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/scotland/24042042

    ReplyDelete
  34. I've had an e-mail....


    Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
    Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
    J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC




    Dear Beneficiary,

    Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $11,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

    The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Good luck Jonathan to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

    ReplyDelete
  35. ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $12,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2017. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

    Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via FedEx. Because we have signed a contract with FedEx Express which should expire by the end of this month, you will only need to pay $320 instead of $620 saving you $300 So if you pay before the end of this month you save $300 Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $320.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 48hours after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $320.

    DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $620 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $620 to $320 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

    To effect the release of your fund valued at $11,500.000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer George Ennis with the information below,

    Name: George Ennis
    Email: chrisswecker@mail.bg

    You are advised to contact him with the information?'s as stated below:

    ReplyDelete
  37. Your full Name..
    Your Address:..............
    Home/Cell Phone:..............
    Preferred Payment Method (ATM / Cashier Check)

    Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 48 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 48hours after you have made the payment for shipping we the Federal Bureau of Investigation(FBI) will get your funds refund back to you with immediate effect

    Yours sincerely,

    Chris Swecker
    TELEPHONE: (917) 300-1432

    Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with George Ennis of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

    ReplyDelete
  38. So with my $11.5 million,I propose flying you all to the Waggon Wheel,where I will pay for a month's worth of beer!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jacks, I'll fly over on Friday, reimburse me when I see you. Is it ok if I book first class flights?

      Delete
    2. Eleven mill eh? So news of an imminent take-over of Ipswich FC by a barber will be appearing in the news in the next few hours then ;)

      Delete
    3. after all the flights and a month of beer for all he won't be able to afford Ipswich, maybe he'll have enough left for Ngog in January.

      Delete
    4. Oh I don't know Trotts.It would be the first thing I'd do.

      I'd then have $11.499,999.99 left over for beer,flights,champagne,cigars etc.

      Delete
    5. he has a six quid buy-out clause in his contract.

      Delete
  39. You never know, Jacks, it could be kosher

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well he's on a winner either way Bloggy as he's already saved $300 on the delivery charge.

      Delete
    2. I know,what a stroke of luck that is.

      Delete
    3. I should have also added Jacks, thank you so much for your generous offer of treating us all to a month at the Wagon Wheel (where were my manners) - am just slightly worried that H2 won't have enough bathrooms where we can all pass out on the floor as seems to be the tradition over there

      Delete
    4. As the only laydee on here Bells,you'll be ok.

      I'm buying my own bathroom.

      Delete
  40. Robbo you're fucking hilarious!!!!!!!!! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Jacks send me the $300 and I'll give you 49% of my new Kiera Knightley-branded pie making company. Send me another $750 and you'll get to sleep with Kiera, nightly, for a week. I'll throw in a free tray of microscopic Kiera pasties. $400 and I'll contact the Nigerian colonel for you. Let's say £50 the lot.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Of course,the way to deal with these spammers is like this....

    http://www.bobservant.com/resources/Lions$2C+Gold+and+Confusion+SAMPLERpdf.pdf

    ReplyDelete
  43. I’d rather sell groundnuts in my village than to play for a pathetic team like Chelsea.”

    S. Etego'o

    ReplyDelete
  44. Replies
    1. Is there a market for groundnuts in Bridgewater ? I could take on the franchise for PA.

      Delete
    2. Bedminster AH, get it right. Massive local market but Bridgewater doesn't produce groundnuts since they covered the plantation with that huge mall and the 8 million space car park. All the groundnut bushes were ripped up. They have a groundnut outlet store next to Victoria's Secret on the second floor, it's a cooperative for local village growers. I'm there Saturday morning. Back up to the VS loading dock and get yer nuts off, then drag yer nuts up a flight of stairs and carefully up the escalator.

      Delete
    3. I can easily do this job. I'm generally nearabouts VS holding my nuts anyway.

      Delete
  45. That must be the same letter Drogba got from the Chinese soccer club - but he never offered to take us all out on the pi$$

    ReplyDelete
  46. There may be trouble ahead ....

    http://bbcsporf.lockerdome.com/articles/109432445




    Well don't no where every one is hiding today, so have a good weekend everyone :)




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. * know

      I SO should proof read my posts

      Delete
    2. know you shuddunt bells, noone kares.

      Delete
  47. I djhgg DU shah bdkmfm njwkn hhdk hsjkrjn my spelling firkin sucks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DU Shah? How do you know the guy that runs my local 7-11?

      Delete
  48. Tractor Boys v Boro today.

    Good luck to Robbo and FBH.

    But not too much.

    ReplyDelete
  49. http://www.wsc.co.uk/wsc-daily/1166-september-2013/10236-ipswich-worried-by-talk-of-mick-mccarthy-and-ireland

    ReplyDelete
  50. Well that's it - wildcard played.

    Despite being 3 from 3, with a big lead over Jacks this week, I can't help myself. I have transfer tourettes.

    ReplyDelete
  51. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24091441

    Rambo XI: Genoa v Sampdoria

    ReplyDelete
  52. Went to watch a non league FA qualifier and no you've been missing the ramblings of whileybaywonthefavase or is that just me so here's my match report.

    Needham market

    Vs brantham

    3-2 to somebody


    The PA announces Anyone wearing denim and the club gives a pound to charity. Well NOW you tell me. Tea and fish fingers and chips £3. Centreforward Gary Barlow lookalike, Mick Fleetwood running the line.a whole 20 minutes without a single successfully completed pass. We abuse the physio when he runs on because we know him. we stay in the bar at half time its a drab nilnil and we miss three goals but emerge down the tunnel past the kit room and contemplate donning the number 15 shirt and running on the pitch and decide half the team probably emerged from the bar thinking the same damned thing. 250 hardened soles in the rain then its over back to the bar - the cling filmed pile of sandwiches and peak freers selection on the snooker table for the officials and both teams sinking pints together and two small kids in peddle cars racing around our ankles and Kem izzet formerly of Col u looking like he's wondering where it all went wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sounds like an afternoon well spent!

      Delete
  53. Interestingly poised FFL..could be in line for my first defeat of the season. Trail Sir H2H by 2 points. I have 3 players playing tomorrow and he has Michu. Hopefully he doesnt choose tomorrow to score his first of the season.

    ReplyDelete
  54. BHB..in case you havent checked, and you obviously havent, you are 150 points behind the leader in Stephen's championship FFL. Er...ahem.

    ReplyDelete
  55. "QPR midfielder Joey Barton has backed the campaign addressing homophobia by wearing rainbow laces in his boots.

    Laces have been sent to all 92 Premier League and Football League clubs, plus the 42 professional teams in Scotland, by gay rights charity Stonewall.

    The Right Behind Gay Footballers campaign wants players to wear the laces in games on 21 and 22 September.

    He told Twitter: "Show that peoples sexuality shouldn't be an issue. Join the rainbow laces movement. Sexuality in sport should not be an issue in the 21st century." "

    Don't often agree with things he writes on Twitter, but in this case, right on Joey. *claps*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sexuality in sport should not be an issue in the 21st century." "

      Can't everyone stop harping on about it then. If we don't know we won't care. After all we don't try and get footballers to come out as "straight" do we.

      Delete
    2. Almost Adam.

      It should be that if we DO know and don't care then it's fine.

      As things stand,no gay footballer will "come out" (ghastly phrase) for a whole gamut of reasons.

      Don't ask,don't tell is just a slightly politer way of burying your head in the sand.

      Delete
    3. you're probably right - quite frankly I'm not interested whether a player is gay or not I don't see the need to have a big deal of "coming out" just be yourself and it will be obvious anyway when you turn up at the team christmas party with your partner

      Delete
    4. You're almost suggesting that FIFA adopts a dont-ask-dont-tell policy.

      Delete
  56. As for the leagues ....don't ask and I won't tell. FPL team's sucked thus far. I ended up incurring a transfer penalty to make changes last week and I might yet spring for a wildcard given injuries and the fact one of my strikers weren't listed in their team's 25 man squad.

    FFL on the other hand, I'm second in the Championship league, so maybe I've been in the wrong league all these years.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Oh, and finally, after last weekend's midfield display, I have to say 'Gareth who?' ;)

    ReplyDelete
  58. Find Roofing Services in Avalon Flat Roofing on Yell. Get reviews and contact details for each business including photos, opening hours and more

    ReplyDelete