Friday, 20 June 2014

Oh, bollocks..

Ah England, my England.


Every defeat is harder to take than the last. And this one wasn't so much deflating as a lit match to the R101 of our dreams.


I'm not quite sure why we had to get back to 1-1, just at the point when the pub was full of collective shoulder-shrugging. The fact that the pilloried Rooney should be on the end of it only added to the rush of optimism. In that ten minutes between 1-1 and 1-2 all sorts of encouraging thoughts began to play in our minds:


Glen Johnson just did a really good thing.
We have a better goal difference than Uruguay, they've got to play Italy.
At least we've avoided some horrible accommodation between Uruguay and Italy in their last game now.
Just imagine the confidence boost that's given Wazza. He can really start to express himself now.
I bet them Uruguayans are regretting all that time-wasting and faffing about they were doing earlier on in the half.
In fact, bugger the draw we can have these!!


But you forget, oh so quickly, that this is not how we do things. What we do is forget to keep an eye on the only player we need to keep an eye on, and the toothy little bastard nails us for the second time.


Now I don't want to be one who fails to give credit where credit is due. I have struggled and fought and strained to embrace this more embraceable version of Luis Suarez. But the bugsy, wrist-kissing, piss-taking Serb-biting, floor-tumbling sneak is back in my bad books. Only this time it's for being far too good.


Of course I was too keen to listen to the pundits, those recently retired know-alls who assured us all that Luis couldn't be anything like ready to do any damage cos he's only got one functioning knee. 'Scuse me, gents but that must be the same dodgy knee that roundly twatted the nation in its collective bollocks last night.


Maybe Phil Jagielka was lured into the same misconception. But that winner was utterly nightmarish. Schoolboys up and down the country have been outraged to discover that they are being accused of being that na├»ve. Danny Murphy says that if John Terry was playing that would never haver reached Suarez. Ah maybe. But four years ago, Terry was left looking like a donkey in a treadmill while Germany made a jackass out of him.


You might say England were a bit unlucky. Godin should definitely have been removed from the park and he's the best defender they have. But that's as far as it goes. They had chances, didn't take them and couldn't defend when it mattered.


So, what next, lady and gentlemen, what next? I could do without a timorous defeat to Costa Rica for one. But the bigger picture is this...


Hodgson must stay, if he wants to. There's a few mealy-mouthed naysayers already rolling out the drivel about needing more experience for a big tournament. Bollocks to that. Players don't get experience without going to a tournament like this. England were never going to win it, so why not let the younger lads have a go at it?


Chris Waddle's right to say that we make too big a deal of English players when they don't have a smidgen of the ability of, say, Suarez. Steven Gerrard - Stevie G to give him the stupid boy-band moniker - has to go. He's been a loyal servant, a tireless patriot, but he's very rarely achieved the heights of his club form at international level. The match-up with Pirlo in the last game proved two things: he's not a patch as a passer as Pirlo. And to even have a chance to get close he needed a minder or two in the middle of the park and Henderson isn't that bloke.


But our attitude to this World Cup has been tempered by a lack of expectation and those of us that tried not to get too hyped about the younger lads have been proved right.


I think the real question is, do those players have it in themselves to keep getting better at what they do? English football is littered with players who haven't quite gone on from precocious starts to became truly world-class players. I'd include Rooney in that, though again he had a fair game last night.


But there is a good set of players coming through. Let's not burden them with the golden generation tag. Let's just call them decent. And if Hodgson can keep Barkley, Sterling, Sturridge, Oxlade-Chamberlain and Shaw together for four years we will have a half-decent side. Even then, they're not going to win a World Cup, whatever Greg Dyke dopily hopes.


The main thing is that these lads keep getting better at their job. (And in Sturridge's case that means more shooting past the opposition keepers and fewer pass-backs to him. Scuffy Sturridge he was last night.) We've got to hope that they don't, having become one of those increasingly rare beasts of the Premier League, an Englishman playing first team football, get complacent and comfy on an astronomical wage and see their careers stall.


It doesn't seem to happen with the likes of Suarez and Ronaldo, Robben and Messi, but then again these are utterly exceptional footballers.


It would be good too, if they don't scurry off to the nearest big-club bench and sit there like decorative millionaires for two seasons (Jack Rodwell, where the fuck are you?).


So, yes, it was as painful as defeats can get, and no, it's not all over, but depending on Italy seems as long a shot as you can get. Balotelli wants a kiss from the Queen if they beat Costa Rica. Listen, if you beat Uruguay too the whole Royal family (of a consensual age) are your playthings for a fortnight, Mario.


But that wouldn't be right any road. England don't deserve to progress. I'd like to think that these lads will be better players for this. But then again I say that after every major tournament. Oh bollocks...

















105 comments:

  1. good stuff Robbo, so tragically true. Maybe Greg Dyke's right about 2022, maybe he knows something that can't be revealed? Perhaps the down payment has already been made?

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  2. ...lost in the runner-up match.

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  3. Robbo, you make a good point. The youngsters will be better next time and the aged wonders will die out. Of course, it still won't be enough. But they'll be better. And you'll have hope. Sort of.

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  4. As usual the best thing ive read on last night's debacle, robbo. I had to lock myself in the lav after the match because my wife wanted to talk to me about the shopping or summat. how can she understand? she can't. This time we didnt expect much and so youd think i would be less disappointed. But no. It's even worse.im devastated.

    Anyway I'm out of the lav again now and in the cold light of day yes woy should stay,they'll get better, might have a shot at the euros.On the bright side...(cont)..... it will be good experience and could be the start of something QUITE GOOD.

    For our american friends, england has won it before, we have possibly the best league in the world, every self respecting schoolboy plays the bloody game, we used to rule the world (and shall again mwwwaahaha), we invented pretty much everything, including football, england is not yer average little island, so the expectation is that we shall rise again to our pre-destined, ok delusional maybe, pre-eminence.

    A single goal is enough to spark these thoughts.

    This time was admittedly a bit different from previous tourneys. Expectation is tempered by the obvious lack of expereince. According to wikipedia the R101 divides scholarly opinion, being either the best or worst ever built, and that's how it tends to go with the england team, the best, "golden generaton" and all that shit, before we go, and the worst when we crash out. I thought pressure/scrutiny/possible consequences from the media has eased off, we might surprise people. But no.

    What's a manager and a captain for if not to help team-mates handle this pressure? Gerrard shouldnt be pilloried for forgetting he wasnt playing for liverpool when he put suarez through. Gerrard should though be pilloried for banging on about how theyd be pilloried for losing and how uncomfortable the summer would be if they lost. a) I think he's wrong and b) talk about Project Fear .. how to paralyse your young team mates with anxiety just like the previous lot. Gianluca Vialli said the most perceptive thing of all - pressure = expectation + scrutiny + consequences, and that "motivational" team talk would not have helped one little bit Stevie you great lumbering soon to be retired muppet.

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  5. France 2016 here we come. group E.

    http://www.uefa.com/uefaeuro-finals/draws/round=2000446/index.html

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  6. Seriously Robbo, your blog is the only one I subscribe to. All the way from Nigeria, I looooovvvvvvveeeeee it!!! It cracks me up 9 times out of 10

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  7. Italy 2 Costa Rica 0
    Italy 2 Uruguay 1
    England 3 Costa Rica 1

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    Replies
    1. Not going to happen is it trotts - no team has ever progressed through the group stage after losing their first two games. That's EVER. If italy do beat Costa Coffee, they wont give a toss against a fired up uruguay Come on admit it. Even you must admit.

      We're toast.

      On a stick.

      Nailed on toast on a stick.

      Delete
    2. We're out but at least the Queen doesn't have to kiss Mad Mario - the tosser!

      Delete
  8. no, the only slight problem with that three game sequence prognostication, that triumvirate trail to triumph, is that it relies on England to win a fkn game!

    Just think, the first team to lose two yet win the whole thing!

    Confidence is flooding back, just in time for kick off!

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    Replies
    1. This just in, Trotts' triumvirate trail to triumph trashed tremendously.

      Hey, at least you don't have to wait two more matches for the inevitable. Er, I mean, YOU ESE! YOU ESE!

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    2. it would have more bang if you switched the order of your tremendous and your trash and possibly included a transvestite, a train and a trebouchet.

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    3. Trotts' Triumph Train Turns To Tremendous Trashy Trail of Transvestite Tears. Erm, Trebouchet.

      Delete
  9. Rooney had a good game for, well, Rooney by bagging his first WC goal.

    Other than that he bent the team out of shape. There are some players you mould a team around, Wazza isn't one of them.

    Maybe if he'd spent as much effort on improving his game as he has done his hairline, we'd still be in awe of his talent and he'd have a lot more WC goals under his belt.

    We spent ages trying to find a way to wedge both Gerrard and Lampard in one team, before concluding that we couldn't, repeating that with one player is twice as barmy especially as you'd just be hampering the up and coming players.

    Retire Gerrard, let Rooney have the occasional trot out to increase his goal tally, but otherwise let both of them rise off in to the sunset with a nice testimonial.

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  10. "But you forget, oh so quickly, that this is not how we do things. What we do is forget to keep an eye on the only player we need to keep an eye on, and the toothy little bastard nails us for the second time."

    First time I smiled in 24 hours.

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  11. I don't see what the problem with the PL is... Most of the Belgian team plays there...

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  12. robbo, never have i read something so factually correct. everything you write usually makes me laugh but this time it didnt, because you nailed it. 100% spot on.
    i was going to come back to blogdignag the other day to aopologise for being so negative about what i saw from the italy game but thankfully the players saw fit to exemplify exactly what i was trying to get across against uruguay. they have learned to pass the ball to each other, which looks really nice but the level of technical ability is so far away from our opposition that it has been painful to watch (as usual to be fair), add that to the fact there is no killer instinct in the team, i wasnt surprised to be out after 2 games. there is a glimmer of hope for the future with the players that are emerging but until we get to work on ball retention and and forward movement and get a couple of players of exceptional calibre, more misery awaits us. too many players were being carried in this squad, and first 11, in my opinion.
    rjs

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  13. Decent analysis of Costa Rican success coupled with terrifying picture that makes one wonder what the price of failure must be...

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/27951700

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  14. Breaking News: Lineker says England made bad mistakes.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/27935041

    Back in '66, did you only make good mistakes?

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  15. This is like that new Battlestar Galactica mantra about everything that is happening now will happen again, and has before (or some such New Age-y bullshit).

    Listen to the first couple of minutes of the 'Euro Woe' podcast. Robbo could be talking about this year's encounter with Italy. Pirlo, Suarez - they're like those neo-Cylons to the England squad, moving among them almost anonymously, allowed access to vulnerable areas, then -- bang.

    There you have it, England defeats explained by cheesy sci-fi. Why not?

    I get the feeling our USA demises can somehow be defined by "Saved by the Bell", (Tim Howard=Screech?) but the theory needs work.

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    Replies
    1. I see no reason for dumping Hodgson, seeing as I was one of those who said it doesn't matter if we loser at the group stages. But his, we don't need to bother about their best player (pirlo, Suarez) as there are other players in their teams, needs rethinking.

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    2. I think he forgets about their world-class players because you don't have any.

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    3. Oh, Woy's alright. Now let's see what the US does with C-Ron (this is another annoying American sport 'journalist' convention, by the way: first initial plus first three letters of surname = hip nickname!). The rest of the Portugal team seem to be caught up in what their talisman is doing, so let's hope that witch doctor (Demon Wednesday or summat) keeps him in check tomorrow.

      Delete
    4. in the Bolton media his name is: Christ, Ron

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    5. Breaking News: Real Madrid buy twice-capped Brazilian Eduardo Pereira Rodrigues, aka Dudu. New attack described as: Dudu Ron Ron Ron, Dudu Ron Ron.

      Delete
  16. Altidore out for the US - given some of his comedy antics for Sunderland this past term (2 goals in 38 league and cup appearances), one might be tempted to say it's good news, but he does tend to do sllllllightly better in a US shirt (23 goals in 71 appearances).

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  17. USA more than matching Portugal here, Englandesque defending from the Iberians and Ronaldo doing a Rooney...looking like qualifying, God buddies. Good match this.

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  18. Ouch. That hurt. But I'll tell you something, ladies and gents: I'm done second-guessing Klinsmann. He's got a plan. His substitutions were spot-on, and I haven't felt either match needed the presence of Landon Donovan. The performance tonight was much better, so hopefully the climate didn't drain the lads too much and they can get something from the game against Germany. We shall see. That was one hell of a cross from Ronaldo, though - I think the entire stadium expected him to go for goal, even from that position.

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  19. Oh Michael Bradley, what have you done? US were 20 seconds away from glory. Mind you, I still think the US and Germany will advance from the group.

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    1. why did they change the 4 minutes of added time to 5 minutes? Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do birds sing?

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  20. That was the first time in history that I've heard my son yell "you fucking cunt" at a television. Didn't have the heart to tell him it'll get worse as the decades come and go!

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    Replies
    1. How old is he? A bit more impressive if he's four than fourteen.

      Great World Cup so far. It seems the teams that should score haven't, except against teams they shouldn't. Every now and then, four goals from who-knows-where and a last-minute heart-stopper. So much upheaval and unpredictability. Except the whole England thing.

      Delete
    2. I hope you had your video camera going. A moment to treasure and reminisce about years later. They grow up so fast...

      Delete
  21. Bloody good blog Robbo. Yes we are going home early but unlike past tournaments, there are positives to take away. Hopefully the last remnants of the "Golden Generation" will decide it's time to leave it to the young guns and fuck off to greener pastures.

    If you forget the England results, other than 1966, this has been the best world cup in my memory. Only two teams in the matches I have watched have played defensive football. Shock results (not exactly unique to this WC) plenty of goals and exciting matches; the only negative for us England supporters is we are going home early but there is plenty of good football remaining.

    Blog, your comment in the last blog concerning Scotsmen, voting yes and fucking off was a gem.

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    1. if they vote No I hope we have an english independence vote to eject the oil-drunk whinging ginger ingrates. And then invade.

      just kidding - my mate is scottish and we have this debate on a regular basis. dont care whether they stay or go personally, losing 3 million ageing drunken smackheads doesnt seem a great loss, but the other 2 million are decent funny oil-rich little people in kilts who cant play football, perhaps because of the kilts, or the whisky, well they can stay if they want to. until the oil runs out, of course. Scotland has always been a foreign country to me.
      feel sorry for the younger scots who will bear the burden of any independence turmoil. they'll lose free uni education (if they are allowed into the EU - and Spain are not going to make that easy as it will encourage their own separatists). If they keep free uni education great as my kids will be able to take advantage of that in a few years time.

      as at least 5 of the 20 British PMs in the 20thC were scottish, all pretty disastrous in their own way, not to mention car-crashes like danny alexander and the lunatic michael gove, no one gets the "poor wee scots, no one listens to us" argument.

      they've had a brief oil gush of prosperity since the 70s which is now running out (chuckle) but for most of the rest of the 300 year union the subsidies have been one way, northwards, from Darien onwards.the Barnet formula is a source of resentment in the north of england - significantly higher subsidies to scots - and will have to go now, whether the vote is yes or no. their are lots of UK jobs in scotland, like the enormous tax district in East Kilbride which will close as the jobs are repatriated. likewise UK defense spending. the crap scottish banks which nearly bankrupted all of us will have to move south. thats a lot of jobs.

      how will it affect England. economically, not at all - maybe postiively for reasons stated above. but I think we'll lose international prestige, and potentially become more aggressive militarily eg by actually putting aircraft on the 2 new aircraft carriers, to win some of it back. English politics will be re-configurated. Not sure how that will play out, but with luck it will be the death knell of the tories. The scots labour vote is important but not usually crucial to election results. Certainly the labour party needs to return to its roots. It would be interesting, exciting and timely.

      if any scots truly think they are going to be either in the EU and wealthy (more likely to be on a par with Ireland ie ignored) or semi-detached like Norway, they are seriously kidding themselves. they need the EU much more than the EU needs them and they'll be a cash-cow for Brussels. It's too late for them to build a sovereign wealth fund like Norway because thatcher spent it on unemployment.They will HAVE TO adopt the Euro, that's the rule for new states joining. England/Wales/NI whatever we call ourselves and whatever the flag looks like (probably "the UK" and no change to the flag) will be the successor state with a vote on Scottish accession to the EU, ALL of the rebate (Scotland will get none) etc etc. Scotland will be in a very weak position for a few years. Eventually they will be OK, but I guess will end up wondering whether it was worth it. Politicians are politicians. Scots politicians actually seem a little worse than average.

      Historically - many of the scots seem to have believed, rightly, in the 1690s that sharing in the benefits of England's international trade and the growth of the English Empire was the way to prosperity and prestige and now seem to think that they'll be better off using the EU as that vehicle. I think this is seriously delusional, personally.

      there you go. just my view. as I say I dont care one way or another as im no greta patriot and scottish independence will have no impact on me whatsoever.

      Delete
    2. and there's this…. http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/27701640

      Delete
  22. Great Blog, as usual, Robbo. Let's put this in perspective. We've lost to teams higher than us in the rankings (I think) and still have to play the best team in the group (COSTA RICA ffs!) who have shown what can be achieved by hard work and good organisation. Unlucky USA 30 seconds from qualification but you'll still get through unless you lose badly to Germany and Portugal beat Ghana by several goals. At least we seem to have been spared the "PL season is too long" bollox as most of the other teams have PL players and it doesn't appear to be doing them any harm. Once Tuesday is out of the way we can concentrate on what is turning out to be a fascinating tournament, despite the antics of the Fracking Canute.

    Spider

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  23. Yep the "PL season is too long" stuff always meant "the Golden Generation (chuckle) are too unfit". Gerard now has mobility on a par with his dj punching but it was never great fr'instance.

    As for the group, well greg dyke's throat cutting gesture turns out was spot on. England are no great shakes at the moment but one of uruguay and italy will also join is in the reject bin and they've both got the apparently obligatory super star footballers, so let's agree it was one of if not THE toughest group. No excuses then, except that one.

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  24. Here's a headline i hoped id never read : Student rescued from giant vagina

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jun/23/us-student-rescued-giant-vagina-sculpture-germany

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...and now we've all read it. Thanks for that... :)

      Oh, and nice 'mini-blog' above - very informative. I've heard a lot of comments along the lines of, "Oh, those daft Scottish buggers," and blaming of Sean Connnery, but it's nice to know the whys and wherefores.

      Delete
    2. I know it's a complicated situation, an exceptionally complex set of circumstances with an undeniable necessity for a degree of historical perspective to be applied to the debate but I'd just like to say…..Oh, those daft Scottish buggers"

      Delete
    3. Youre very welcome. A ScotNat would disagree with all of it as
      1. England =posh tories
      2. The oil will last forever and not just 20 years because theres probably more somewhere that we havent found yet
      3. Independent Scotland will be Braveheart Free
      4. The Nordic Model will fit Scotland like a viking's tartan glove
      5. You cant trust the scots in westminster eg Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, but you can trust the scots in Edinburgh (chuckle)
      6. The English are warmongers (although Tony Blair IS Scottish, you wouldnt think it because he sounds a bit English)
      7. Nuclear weapons are evil and we'd be better off if only the Iranians, Pakistanis, Al Quaeda and Israelis had them
      8. The fish. Theyre ours
      9. The EU will welcome us with open arms and give us all the money
      10. The UK will continue to outsource jobs, guarnatee Scottish pensions, subsidise free university education for Scots Only, shore up Scottish banks and join the Scots in a currency union even after independence
      11. We have more than oil you know, we have whiskey and er fish

      Actually typing that out in those terms, I think they must be demented. In which case : Vote YES!

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    4. it begs important questions....will the R&A take St. Andrews and Carnoustie off the Open rotation? and will Roger Daltry open a new Trout fishery in 'uddersfield? and will Aunty Elsie now be able to say she's been abroad?

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  25. Here's one who didn't want to play for England. I'll name and shame him:

    Steven Gerrard has pulled out of England's friendly against the Netherlands with a groin injury but hopes to be fit for the start of the Premier League season at the weekend.

    STEVEN Gerrard will play no part in England's friendly with Denmark on Wednesday due to a groin problem. The midfielder would have been favourite to captain the side in the absence of Rio Ferdinand but despite playing the full 90 minutes of yesterday's 1-0 win over Chelsea, he will not feature.

    Rastafairy

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  26. Ryan Giggs, there's another one. Chose Wales (what with him being Welsh and everything).
    Adnaj Januzaj Chose Belgium.
    Did you see how the England ruby boys belted out the National Anthem compared to how the footballers pretended to mouth the words.

    Rastafairy

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    Replies
    1. I think Ryan Giggs played for England at a junior level when he was still Ryan Wilson. 'Arry was probably thinking of Gareth Bale, forgetting he is Welsh - another example of 'Arry's poor memory!

      Spider

      Delete
    2. Born in Cardiff to Welsh paerents, he only played for England at youth level based on the location of his school, as is the rules. He could never have played for England - it was my little (maybe too little) joke.
      Rastafairy

      Delete
  27. It's probably fair to point out that we lost to two good sides (Italy always do well at world cups, and Uruguay were semi-finalists last time out). Don't see why Roy should resign, it's not his fault we don't have any world class players. The fact is we were in a tough group, and we failed to get out of it.

    Good point about the premier league, Robbo. This system of rich clubs buying young English talent and paying them millions to sit on the bench might work for the clubs, but it sure as hell doesn't work for England. There's no motivation or means to get from "promising" to "world class". You can't do that without game time.


    Jedi

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    Replies
    1. Sorry Jedi, I can't really agree with this "tough group" argument. We found ourselves in a group with two (three?) teams who were better than we were - tbh that could have applied to ANY of the 8 groups. Some were easier on paper but the propensity of unfancied tems, especially from the Americas, to upset the "form book" means there are no easy rides - just ask Spain.

      Spider

      Delete
    2. Fair point, Spider, but my real point was more that England performed to expectations (more or less), played OK, and there's something to build on. So why (as some of the rags want) sack Hodgson now?



      Jedi

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    3. They are pandering to their neanderthal readers with an IQ of 5 who think Enger-lund should be winning all their games 6 - 0 and if they don't it's obviously the Manager's fault! They probably want to replace Woy with 'Arry just as in the 80's they wanted Robson to be replaced by El Tel. Why the hero-worship of cockney wide-boys? Could it be because they feed them all the juicy tit-bits over who, for example, doesn't want to play for England? Sometimes I am saddened by my own depth of cynicism. Don't expect any praise for Woy if he wins - he obviously didn't know who his best players were and picked the wrong side for the first two games!

      Spider

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  28. Replies
    1. She's considered a looker in scotland.

      Delete
    2. aye, ye sassanachs ha nay tayste

      Delete
    3. Who wants Susan Boyle?


      Jedi

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  29. Wait, what? We're discussing Scottish independence now? Can never gues what'll show up next.

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  30. David de Gea has a buttock muscle injury.
    _--------
    How the hell do you injure your buttock muscle?

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    Replies
    1. Sat on the bench a little too enthusiastically.

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    2. Bending down to pick the ball out of the net - it's been a nagging season-long problem, apparently.

      Spider

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    3. Taking it up the Arse from Chile and Holland.

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  31. I can think of one way, but it's probably not appropriate for this comment section. Also, I'd like to point out that while it's only theoretical on my part, there's nothing wrong with anybody else who wants to try it. And that certain Mexican fans seem to enjoy shouting about it on opposing goal kicks...

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  32. There's something thats not appropriate for this comment section??!

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    Replies
    1. You obviously haven't read the Robbo Blog Comment Section Code of Conduct (or RBCS CoC) - I refer to section 5, paragraph 9, article VIII: "And the referring and referring in the comments section to acts which, upon being referred to, cause discomfort and or injury to muscles or fleshy tissue in the gluteal regions, which in the referral could cause and become a cause, the effect of which may to elicit a response to which may be an offense to the sensibilities of those who may own or possess said muscles or fleshy tissue in the gluteal regions which in the course of the comments section (being comprised of comments made by those wishing to comment upon the blog, whose writer shall be sole arbiter of comments which can be made and not made) referred to, to wit: offense or a feeling of disambiguous nonsense having been perpetrated upon their person.

      Delete
    2. In other news, I wrote both the Patriot Act and the Affordable Health Care Act.

      Delete
  33. you should work on the affordable health care of patriots next!

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  34. Greg Dyke's gone quiet. Is he still with us (probably asleep in a leather chair next to the fire in his London Gentleman's club). Or do you think he's done the unthinkable and it would be a first for the dilettante FA (=Fat Amateurs) and actually taken responsibility. If the man had any honour, he'd do the Japanese thing and follow through on the throat cutting promise.

    But then the FA always disappear and let 19 year old footballers take the fallout don't they.

    The FA - Fail Always - from the Fifties Adinfinitum, it must be time For Alternatives. and Fuck Argentina.

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    Replies
    1. He's been busy Blog.

      FA chairman Greg Dyke was ironically caught reading a book called A Death In Brazil while England prepared for their final game of the World Cup.

      Delete
  35. Is it time for Comet RBA to swing by, do you think?

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  36. it's almost time for the match that really matters. The Anglo Costa Rican Reserves Universal Domination Cup Final.

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  37. Holy crap - Suarez the biter is back, and Uruguay are ahead!

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  38. What has Luis Suarez done!
    The Liverpool striker appears to BITE Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini while challenging for the ball inside the Uruguay penalty area.
    ==========================================
    I will take the 56mil+ Sanchez offer now, thank you very much Barca.

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  39. Don't they feed that guy properly? Some footballer-flavour snack would sort him out. Fuck me, they've got to lock him away this time.

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  40. Little known Messi Fact. He's autistic. It sort of makes sense of his unbelievable obsessive genius, weird smile when he scores, the no interview thing.

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    Replies
    1. Fragile X Syndrome, which does sound like a superpower at first hearing.

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  41. Man, that Richard Kiel as Jaws comparison is looking more apt all the time. They cannot let him continue in this tournament (unless he agrees to wear the Lecter mask).

    The clot even got up feeling at his teeth.

    And I don't know, AH. I think his value might just have gone down. Like that bit of Chiellini...

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  42. The only possible explanation is he had a dental transplant from a murderer, like in that old horror film The Teeth of Orlac.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I liked the Simpsons Hallowe'en episode (Hell Toupee) where Homer gets a hair transplant from Snake, who has just been electrocuted...

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  43. On the lighter side of things, the WatchESPN app is telling me I can view a highlight reel of Costa Rica v England.

    Ruud van Nistelrooy and Roberto Martinez, in the studio for ESPN, completely appalled by the Suarez incident.

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    1. Just seen it. So they should be. The man needs to be banned from international football for life.


      Jedi

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  44. England midfielder Jack Wilshere talking to BBC Radio 5 live:
    "We created a few chances and we are just happy we didn't lose all three of our games."
    .____________________
    I'm afraid that's just not good enough son.

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  45. AND we lost the fucking cricket.

    Time to invade someone.

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    1. The time is right to take back the colonies, I'd say. The military is demoralized from a decade of war that seems to have accomplished nothing outside the killing of Bin Laden and the bankrupting our nation, and most of the rest of us probably wouldn't look away from our iDevice long enough to do anything about it!

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    2. You've been talking to Tony Blair again, haven't you Blog.


      Jedi

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  46. Suarez is a genius but watch your backs fellas......he's also deranged

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    1. Sonofabitch is going to get banned for a year. No one will buy him and we don't have money to buy a similarly prowessed replacement. Watch Borini bang in 30 goals this season for us.

      Alexis Sanchez? Ha. Be lucky if we can swap that defender-eater for Kalou.

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  47. Norwegian punter wins over £500 after predicting Luis Suarez's World Cup bite: http://is.gd/rv3a8g

    He bet 175 Norwegian Kroner at 32-1. Good odds, would you have reckoned?

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    1. No, he bet 32 Kroner at 175-1.

      32-1 would have been very mean odds. He doesn't do it THAT often. 3 times in 4 years, that's hardly ever.

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    2. Ha! My Norwegian's a bit rusty, I guess. Plus, America was founded on puritanical principles - we only allow that mortal sin of gambling in certain spots. Well, excepting the lottery, which allows state governments to get in on the fun...

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  48. "Uruguay coach Oscar Tabarez tried to play down the incident and believes there is a vendetta from certain media towards Suarez." (BBC)

    Bloody media, always picking on poor little Luis.

    The little twat might have at least had the good sense to do it in a late game, so it didn't make every back page in the country tomorrow.

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  49. there was a time when there'd have been a queue of center halves and full backs eager to knock the cunt's teeth out. Times have changed.

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  50. Honestly, I thought Suarez was trying to headbutt Chiellini but was too short to get past the defender's shoulder. Bite marks are damning, though to be fair, Suarez has big enough teeth that he could have done it on accident... but headbutting an opponent being a lesser charge is rather unfortunate. Of course, if he did bite Chiellini... three strikes and you're out. Liverpool can sign James Rodriguez in his place.

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  51. I saw it as a bite straightaway, live - it's all in Chiellini's reaction. His whole body tenses up, and he flinches away from the contact. That's indicative of a sharp pain, rather than just being barged into. If FIFA lets him cop to a "headbutt with overbite," then, well...they're FIFA. That's all I'll say.

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  52. Suarez just fancied Italian.

    The only thing that is annoying me at this WC is many of the teams being forced to play out of their normal kit. Call me old fashioned but I prefer to see teams play in their national strip.

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  53. Thank fuck Liverpool refused Arsenal's bid to buy the prick last season.

    I just finished watching the replay of the match and it was obvious that Suarez deliberately tried to take a chunk out of Cheillini. The number of cameras used at every match guarantees every incident will be captured by at least one of them, so he obviously doesn't think about it, he just reacts. It's up to FIFA now, anything under a twelve week ban would be unacceptable... I'd give the arsehole a year off plus a hefty fine.

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  54. You can have your Stirling's, Lalana's and Barkley's; the Englishman with the brightest future for me is Shaw. This kid is mature beyond his years and has impressed me every time I have seen him. Southampton will do well to hold onto him; there will be a number of manager's knocking onhis door, I hope Wenger is one of them.

    I wasn't over-impressed with Hart's performances in his two games. Foster had a good game last night, although he didn't have a lot to do but what he did have to do he did it comfortably and confidently.

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  55. Luis Suarez is hoping Uruguay meet Germany later in the tournament….apparently he’s keen to try a nice shoulder of Lahm.

    I was going to attach a video compilation of Suarez’s three chomping indiscretions but apparently it’s 3 megabytes.

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