Wednesday, 9 July 2014

La Jogo Feia

Reality Bites. 

What do they call it? Jogo bonito? The beautiful game? Well last night the well-past-it mother country lifted up her skirts and the truth made really rather unpleasant viewing. 

When Germany tonked us 4-1 four years back, we could always point at Lampard's ghost goal and say 'Who knows?' When Holland hammered Spain in the first game here, the Spaniards could always point out that had David Silva stroked home a second then Spain might still be in with a shout of four out of four this weekend. 

Brazil don't even have the tiniest wisp of solace in this defeat. Nada. As that great language mangler Glenn Hoddle might have put it "They've been left clutching at the final straws in the wind." (Why Glenn has such an awkward relationship with English is difficult to fathom although I'll hazard a guess that it's got something to do with poor behaviour in a previous life). 

I really didn't want Brazil to win this tournament. Not cos I've got anything against the nation itself, or the way they've hosted the tournament in neglect of its poverty-stricken (hell, every nation does that when hosting a big tournament). Indeed the pre-match singing of their wonderfully preposterous operatic chorus of an anthem, the overwrought emotions the players have shown, notably when holding up the shirt of the one player capable of maintaining the national traditions of their football - all of this almost made me want them to go all the way. 

No, it's only when they started to actually kick the ball, and their opponents, around the park that I actually realised I wanted them to lose. They've been bloody awful. Really bloody awful. Their journey to the semifinals seems like a work of fiction now, or a cruel delusion that a fine German side took 29 minutes to shatter. The team looked like a happy drunk who woke up in a ditch to find he was being pissed on from a great height. 

So, good, a crap team have not won the World Cup. But it's a terrible shame that that team should have carried the name Brazil. There's a poetry to those great names from the past: Zagalo, Garrincha, Vava, Pele, Jairzinho, Rivelino, Socrates, Eder, Zico, Falcao, Romario, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho... This lot have been personified by Hulk, Fred and Jo - lumpen, blokey names you'd give to the regulars down a local pub in Doncaster. Except them boozers might have played better. 

I know German supporters who started to look away, who couldn't even begin to gloat, as Khedira rolled in the fifth. Every time they started to enjoy it, the camera would cut away to another crying child, looking for all the world like a promotional campaign for the NSPCC, and all the triumphant Germans could feel was guilt. 

But hey, you can only beat what's put in front of you - or in the case of the Brazilian defence, some way behind you - and Germany did it with class and elegance. I know there are commentators still encumbered by watching too many war films who saw their performance last night as 'clinical' and 'ruthless'. Shut up, now. It was utterly beautifully brilliant was what it was. 

Of course, as many suspected, the biggest miss was Thiago Silva, not least cos when consigned to the stand with a ridiculous, if sincere, baseball cap on his head he looked less like the second best central defender in the tournament and more like an over-sized kid on a jolly at Disneyworld Florida. 

Juninho, and by the way little man it was never this bad at the Riverside, said there may be some out there who will never wear a Brazilian shirt again. Well here's a list, mate: 

Julio Cesar (he came, he swore, he got conquered);

Maicon (he sounds like an enemy of Dan Dare, plays like a friend of Dandini);

Marcelo - a joke of a player, like somehting created by Pixar - diving, whining and easier to avoid than Bulgarian jazz-funk. Hopeless; 

Paulinho - the epitome of what a Brazilian midfielder has become, pedestrian, clumsy, witless;

Fred - Here's what he's good at [                                                                                                         ] He's the worst Brazilian I've seen since the wife took up a two for one offer with her sister fro a beauty parlour that shall remain nameless in Stockton-on-Tees. I thought that rash'd never clear up.

Hulk - big, strong, shit. 

Jo - No! 

I don't much for Dani Alves either. And as for David Luiz, well he's a conundrum isn't he? Great passer, great passion, great free kicks, but Great Scott what is the bloke doing halfway up the pitch when the Germans have just gone 4-0 up? 

So how do Brazil proceed from here on in? Look at your opponents - promote the next generation as soon as possible, retain Neymar - who I'm beginning to think broke his back because of the strain of carrying the rest of the team around the country for five games - and keep em together until they can ally their flair with a calm game-playing authority. 

Because for all that Brazil were pants, Germany were faultless for 90 minutes - and Neuer was furious that Oscar nabbed a late consolation in the 91st minute (I say 'consolation' but given that Oscar was inconsolable afterwards that's completely the wrong word). 

They have the best keeper, right-back, centre-half, centre-midfielder and roving false number 9-cum-winger in the tournament. And that's a conservative estimate. Clearly they are favourites for the final but who might they have to beat on Sunday?  

One carefully aimed De Jong patella in the small of one Lionel Messi's back might be all it takes for Holland to win. It's certainly going to be a much tighter affair, with both teams thriving off good defensive organisation. Word is that Van Persie has gut-rot which means that the Dutch might be over-reliant on the tripping slaphead trickster, Robben. And that might be enough. 

So I'm going for an Argentina win, somehow. 1-0. After a bit of a grind for the neutral. A proper semifinal in other words. With two evenly-matched teams. As they say in Brazil it will be a case of the 'Jogo Feia'. (I think). 

And yes, Germany to win the final, whoever makes it. And for once I won't be remotely unhappy about it. 


120 comments:

  1. Owing to school play last night I missed the 1st 30 minutes.Didn't think I'd miss much....

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    1. Jogo Feia -isnt he a character in star wars?

      Jacks -you basically missed the game then. after that it was a case of how many? There's always the hint of a glimmer of hope at 3-0. Game over at 4. I couldnt believe my eyes and i've never ever seen a pub full of english people supporting the germans before. a dserved vicotry.

      I was put in mind of the Battle of Leuctra, 371BC, when the long Spartan hegemony was boken forever by shambolic defending by a drunken Spartan phalanx against the incisve brilliance of the echeloned attack of Epimonidas' Thebans, spearheaded by the Sacred Band of homosexual lover/warriors mincing into battle with calm skilful and intelligent purpose. The Spartans never recovered and i think it might take the Brazillians a few years to recover their prestige and the aura that can win games when you have crap players, as now.

      Neymar is the real deal, but i bet he's regretting THIS pre-tournament endorsement :

      http://www.actusports.fr/111554/neymar-avait-predit-score/

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    2. So by the time you poured the malt into your glass the game was over mate.

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    3. Gosh, Blogs, you look a bit on in years from your profile pic, but I'm sure we all had no idea! Battle of Leuctra, huh? So which side did you play for? Drunkards or Mincers? And what was Jesus REALLY like? :)

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    4. When I let Chrome translate the actusports link, I was informed (red subheadline) that "Neymar has bobbin feed!"

      As I'm sure we all suspected.

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    5. it's the hat. adds years.

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  2. Oh yes and £50 million for Luiz -hhahahahhahahahahahhahcough cough hahahahahahhahahahahhahahetc

    Scolari seems to be getting off lightly in the press btw. it was his job, which he singularly failed to achieve, to keep his players calm and disciplined. if being passionate and wanting it more than anyone else was a virtue, england would be world champions.

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  3. Good stuff Robbo, don't forget Carlos Alberto.

    Brazil might as well shut down next week then, sell off the last of the Rain Forest to McDonalds and turn off the lights. It's a humiliation of the highest order, crushing.

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    1. yep $11 billion down the amazon. this might not be a good time to mention it, but the olympics arrives in Brazil 2 years and while we're wallowing in a bout of we're shit at sport, let's remember this -

      Brazil 3 golds/17 overall/22nd = Brazil's best ever Olympics.
      GB 29 Golds/65 overall, 3rd in the medals table

      Brazil won precisely zero athletics medals, their wins coming in volleyball and boxing. not exactly the stuff of national pride for 200 million people

      I dont know how many billions they're sending down the amazon for this one, but with appalling levels of poverty, expect a revolution.

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    2. and we could beat 'em at cricket

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    3. Now, Trotts, I wouldn't go that far... :)

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    4. valid comment. I should curb my optimism.

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  4. I hoping Monty Python will 'revise' their classic "International Philosophy".

    Good stuff Robbo, as usual.

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  5. Nice one, Robbo. Brazilians who hadn't protested the FIFA-sponsored, government-colluded waste and oppression are waking up this morning to the realization that, though the football is a beautiful game, there's a lot around it that ain't. Now I'm sure they can't wait for the corporate logos around the Copacabana Beach "Fan Zone" to come down and to clean up after the mass of foreigners.

    This tournament introduced me to Hulk, as I hadn't seen him much. For the biggest guy on the pitch, he sure seemed to go over a lot. And then he'd slide for about a mile, like his comic book namesake getting punched by the Abomination. Looked like a rugby player, although that was probably in comparison to the slight lads around him.

    Agree with Blogs that Scolari isn't getting his fair share of the blame - credit to him, he's really trying to. I haven't read any comments from him that don't sum up to anything other than, "It's my fault, I accept responsibility."

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  6. absolutely briliant robson! had me in stitches. Hulk - big, strong, shit. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Cant stop laughing

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  7. (Neil from The Young Ones): Don't you dare say that, Robbo! Bulgarian jazz-funk is coming back in! I read it in my horoscope!

    The two dives were ridiculously bad. Should've been booked at the first instance, but at least Marco (Bite? I see no bite...) Rodriguez didn't get fooled into pointing to the spot.

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  8. Nearly pissed my pants laughing about Fred. Classic robbo.

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  9. Brazil only got to the semis thanks to some awful refereeing decisions, the penalty Columbia should have had for one. As for commentators saying what a great world cup, I have not seen so much diving since Italia 90 and most peoples memories will all be about the humiliation of Brazil by Germany when in reality they should have been put out of their misery in earlier games. Even Mezit Ozul decided to spare them more misery by missing a chance that even a blind person could have scored. Unfortunately Schurler showing the ruthlessness of someone who would kick a small child on the ground decided he wanted another goal and showed no such mercy. Lets hope they do the same to the Argies in the final if they are not too busy swapping stories about their grandfathers and realtives back in Argentina of course.

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  10. Hulk. Was he named after he grew up? Or was he hulking even as a child?

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  11. Basically, Brazil is now Portugal. One of the best players in the world surrounded by a few players who could get into most Top-15 national teams and a handful who would do well to change nationalities and play for England. Or Andorra.

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  12. Quite possibly, the most disturbing use of Photoshop I've ever seen. From De Telegraaf, a Dutch paper. Follow the link and scroll down...if you dare!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/worldcup2014/article-2685827/Last-Tango-Lionel-Messi-De-Telegraaf-support-Holland-ahead-World-Cup-semi-final-against-Argentina.html

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  13. And some more chucklesome stuff from the Mail (WARNING - the David Moyes mockery continues):

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/worldcup2014/article-2685286/Brazil-humiliation-virals-Angela-Merkel-Christ-Redeemer-Thomas-Muller-shoots-Brazuca-not-Incredible-Hulk.html

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  14. In other news, Everton sign Gareth Barry. Masterstroke by Martinez. Everyone knows Toni Kroos is a huge Gareth Barry fan! Champs League, here we c-what? Bale? Oh. Never mind...

    In other really weird news, I just read on the International Business Times website (of all places) that some porn site's "public humiliation" category was spammed by video uploads of German goals, with titles like "Young Brazilians get f***ed by entire German Soccer Team." The site actually asked for it to stop, which proves that even people that make their living on the exploitation of women have their limits.

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  15. 0 - 0 at half time. Very cagey but not the thugfest I'd been predicting (well, not yet anyway). If I were the Dutch I'd be very worried as Kuyt seems to be their best player. Argies getting some joy down the right. Will Van Gaal swap keepers in the 119th minute? Meanwhile Germany celebrating their biggest win since 1940.

    Spider

    P.S. Great Blog Robbo. Why do so many four-letter words have the same meaning: Hulk, Fred, Crap?

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    1. So England aren't the only flakey penalty taking team. I hope H2H's bar is still in one piece but tbh Holland really exceeded expectations. I don't think they can argue too much about the result as they hardly created anything and Argentina should have scored at least once. Oh yes, in my last post, I meant to write "Hulk, Shit, Fred, Crap"

      Spider

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    2. Just watched PK's back, and all I can say is: I want to play Wesley Sneijder at high-stakes poker. Bet he has some tells there, too. As soon as he felt his eyes make that worried flick to the left, he should have changed his plan. Sergio Romero saw it, and he was all over it.

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  16. Didn't see PKs-would Krul have possibly got a hand to any? Any possible doubt in the mind of the new United manager a good thing...

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  17. The best team won through to a final match against Germany. Actually it should not have gone to extra time and penalties, Higuain's goal, ruled offside wasn't.

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    1. The one that hit the side netting?

      If the Dutch can beat Brazil by 7, it'll be a moral victory.

      Worst thing is not having a team to shout for against somebody England had a war with. With a bit of luck Howard Webb will be officiating and send 'em all off.

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    2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglo-Dutch_Wars

      Had no idea, either. To be fair, as I was born in the US, having no idea comes naturally to me.

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    3. How was it side netting Trott? (McNumpty says side netting too)... Higuain was in the middle of the penalty area where it was virtually impossible to hit the side netting and the goalkeeper retrieved the ball out of the back corner of the net and proceeded to take a free kick for offside.

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    4. well yeah, we've had wars with everyone - see Blog's comment below, but these two are like The Joker and The Riddler to our Batman.

      Bo, I dunno, I thought he was outside the near post and flashed it into the side netting. There could have been another that I missed due to a momentary blackout but that's all I know.

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  18. I just checked that last of the 22 countries we've never attacked trots. England has invaded or been at war with every single country at this world cup but yes the final well be nemesis v nemesis. Hope they both lose.

    I missed this game through work but it sounds like a snorefest. I'd the Dutch adopt the same approach in the 3rd place play off (off the Brazil team decide they dare show their faces in public) I expect to see van Gaal bricking up the goals so the Brazilians can stand bashing their head a against it. In the annals of pointless matches this well be right up there.

    Sorry for the nearly men the Dutch my#2 team.but if they were playing for penalties, I guess they needed to be sure that van Persie was still on the pitch as two players refused to take the first penalty...you don't want the aston villa centre half taking your first....and that they could bring Krul on. The Dutch keeper has never saved a penalty in a match during his entire career.

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  19. The van Gaal system is a bit like the Sam Allardyce system with flair and he wants to take it to Un**ed. The 14-15 season may be almost as enjoyable as the 13-14 season.

    Sanchez is getting closer to the emirates, it seems the piss farting around with the Suarez deal is holding things up.

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  20. Great stuff Robbo. Though I think the best comment I've seen on Brazil came from @evilkagawa: "This what happen when play 4 Fellaini in 1 team!"

    Watched last night's bore in, but can't say I was surprised. I'm guessing from H2's comments that, before the tournament, most Dutch fans would have taken a semi-final happily. Vlaar and Demichelis both played out of their skins yesterday, to be fair.


    Jedi

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  21. I know German supporters who started to look away, who couldn't even begin to gloat, as Khedira rolled in the fifth. Every time they started to enjoy it, the camera would cut away to another crying child, looking for all the world like a promotional campaign for the NSPCC, and all the triumphant Germans could feel was guilt.

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    1. Four years ago, it was shots of German supporters when they lost to Spain (and that was a 1-0!) in the semis. A friend of mine was in Austria at the time, and she said they were laughing and cheering their heads off at the sight. Schadenfreude.

      So I guess once it gets to this stage, you're going to have some crying supporters, whether it's passion for their nation or the realization they're going to have to change their travel tickets, check out of the hotel, and go back to work earlier than expected.

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  22. World Cup tattoos decoded... More important is the last bit. Ronaldo has no tattoos because "he frequently gives blood." Given that scientists now say young (mouse) blood rejuvenates (mouse) bodies, Where can I get me some Ronaldo blood?!

    http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-28208488

    I hear most cyclists give blood, too, but I think they get it back a short while later...

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    1. More importantly, whose blood is Ronaldo using? Thiago Messi? Would explain a lot.

      Crikey, that Tim Howard has an impressive physique.

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  23. Sami Khedira to Arsenal, as well as alexi sanchez - at last a chance for the gooners to win it?

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    1. Both unconfirmed as yet, i should say

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    2. I believe Sanchez may be unveiled soon.

      Got a new kit release to milk first.

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  24. THere was me stuck on the last blog.........

    Again.


    anyhoo, nice one RR. total agree, Brazil were a bit pants. No flair without Neymaar and no clue without T Silva.


    As for last night......

    Woah, what a steaming pot of poo that game was. Horrible, we got what we dreserved, but Argintina got way more then they deserved, they were awful too.

    It was nice while it lasted, but unfortunatly it’s over, wait, except ofcourse for Saturday’s play off match, a game as eagerly awaited as a root canal.

    Oh well, at least I can go back to dispising all the mongs in that team, of which there are many.

    Ahhhh, it’s good to be back.

    Bo.

    Get your tv or your eyes fixed. ;)

    It was side netting, sir.

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    1. Nice to have you with us, H! Yeah, it was one of those games where you wonder, "Can't BOTH teams lose?" They deserved to. Especially because they played like Mark Lawrenson predicted they would. Of course, in big PL games he almost always says draw, ostensibly because neither team will want to take risks to get all three points. Here, when he has to pick a horse, it's usually a 1-0 or 2-1, with the same reasoning. No one wants to get hit on the break, they'll play tight, etc. He did predict that Brazil would score one goal, though!

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    2. By the way, loved your "Brazil got Manschafted" comment. MANSCHAFTED! would be a worthy headline for the New York Post.

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  25. Brazil have been overrated for over 20 years. They've been living on the reputation of the great teams they had in the 60s 70s and early 80s. They were lucky to beat Croatia and Columbia. If they weren't host country, they may not have even been there. Now they have been found out.

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  26. United are also considering a move for Wolfsburg and Switzerland left-back Ricardo Rodriguez, 21, with Patrice Evra's departure for Juventus likely to go ahead. Times (subscription required)

    But the Reds' new manager would like to bring 24-year-old Dutch defender Daley Blind to the club from Feyenoord if Evra leaves. Manchester Evening News
    =====
    Good luck with that......


    He plays for Ajax.

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  27. Arsenal sign Alexis Sanchez.

    Get the fuck in.

    http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/20140710/alexis-sanchez-agrees-to-join-arsenal

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    1. Get the fuck in.

      http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/27395017

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    2. Get the fuck, erm, back in.

      http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/28221518

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  28. OK I guess I have to bow to superior numbers re the disallowed/side netting goal.

    Most commenters have been complaining that Brazil were favoured by referees at the WC. Referees favouring the host team is the norm at all football tournaments especially the WC, it shouldn't happen but it does. If England ever get to host another WC there probably wont be too much complaining about the special treatment they receive from the referees.

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    1. I'm with you Bo, I thought it was clearly a goal. But I didn't see the game, so don't take my word for it.

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  29. BojanglesOfOz9 July 2014 11:57
    So by the time you poured the malt into your glass the game was over mate.

    __________________________________________________

    Pretty much Bo.No point in watching anymore,so I watched the highlights the day after.

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    1. My attempt at multi lingualism

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    2. Cava? Prosecco didn't go over well, either. Good ol' sparkling wine and champagne lasted a bit longer.

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  30. Arsenal well be up there and I think title contenders. Well be interesting to see if Liverpool without their munchkin can stave off the challenge of van gaals soporific utd from the top 4. Let's hope so lest the cheating stupor of his style of football might spread across the land like a stain.

    I finally watched that semi last night and I'm still struggling to wake up from it.what a pile of shit.

    people are (or were)saying wot a great world cup but some of the football has been a steaming pile of monkey shit. Planet of the apes trailer was the best bit.

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  31. tres bien monsieur,et ca va?

    Will be handily using my pigeon French and Spanish at the end of this month as we're having 3 nights in Barcelona and a week in the South of France.

    Must make a mental note to put some rips in my Team Sky shirt so I'll look just like Va-Va Froome.

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    1. i'd rip it to shreds and stick David Brailsford's face on your dartboard while you're at it, jacks.

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    2. I think Sir Dave has made 1 mistake and 1 mistake only.Allowing Wiggins as much room to be a spoilt brat as he has been.It's cost Froome a Vuelta (2011),a Tour (2012) and a settled team.Let the grumpy twat fuck off back to the track and keep building around Froome and Porte.

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  32. Goodbye Luis. Fangs for everything.

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    1. Or as Bob Hope would sing, "Faaaangs, for the memories..."

      One would think this would have occurred in the Uruguayan side, but hopefully with no language barrier at Barca, someone can yell, "¡No morderlo, bastardo loco!" in time, next time...

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  33. so a club that's banned from buying players, buys a player that's banned from playing. Head scratching stuff!

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    1. Suarez bites back. So watch out Neymar.

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    2. There's a double negative in there somewhere, Trotts, it's gotta work out somehow. FIFA would never, ever, neverevernever - allow it else.

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  34. I was hoping for a swap for Sanchez. I can understand why he would not want to come though, its all about the CL for top players. We have to show consistency in getting there (and no one can beat the gunners in that department), before the best in the business choose us. Gunners looking pretty darn awesome now. If they get Ozil playing like before he joined them, they're pretty much the best team in the league.

    Hopefully we don't lose our goal scoring ability without Luis. The rest of our rivals are strengthening really well (incl City and Chelsea who didnt really need to anyway).

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    1. Dont worry AH youve got Rickie Lambert now.

      75 million for a racist vampire seems a good deal for liverpool to me certainly better than £40,000,001 anyway (lol) but it looks like rogers is doing a bit of a spurs and spreading the proceeds thinly rather. as you rightly say though until liverpool establish themselves as top 4 consistently like spurs theyll struggle to get the very top players.

      ominously for the other 3 contenders Arsenal look like theyve broken through that barrier and are attracting the very best now the moneys there.

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  35. Is everybody else going to have a viewing party for the third-place game? I plan to invite some people I have a passing acquaintance with, yet don't particularly like or dislike, serve some off-brand snacks and the King of Piss (Budweiser), and have a really average time. I'm getting very ambivalent about it.

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    1. that sounds like a helluva party, Scott. Let me know what time it starts and I'll tell the people I don't care about to be there. I'm off golfin' for that one.

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    2. I don't think too many of the players will be watching either. Really stupid idea this? Why dont they also have all the losing quarterfinalists play to figure out 5th-8th spots?

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    3. I'm watching it...comedy golf like the Greek vs German philosophers sketch...comically over emotional Brazilians running around like headless chickens, crying and getting sent off vs phlegmatic Dutch Totally No Football 10 defenders with one striker who flops to the floor at the merest waft of an evening zephyr. Can't wait.

      They've trashed the image if Brazil, haven't they?

      THIS is spot on and a top bit of journalism by...Michael Owen. I don't beleeeeeeve it!
      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/germany/10962088/World-Cup-2014-Why-selfish-England-must-learn-from-selfless-Germany.html

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    4. Comedy golf? Yes perhaps they should decide it on a crazy golf course instead.

      Gold comedy gold. Fucking phone.

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    5. As long as everyone winds up running after Robben in a snaking, speeded-up line, brandishing their putters with Yakety Sax playing, I'm there.

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    6. comedy golf is way better than WC 3rd place game. When you're done with the Beanfield War, read Bob Hope's book, My Life As a Hooker.

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    7. I had planned a party, too, but I'll send my multitudes on to Scott. Or to the comedy golf course. As for the final, no airline was willing to reschedule their flights so I wouldn't cause me miss the match, so I leave for a conference on a 6am Monday flight, instead. Better be a damn good one, seeing as I live nearly two hours from the airport and I have to be there around two hours beforehand since it is in an international flight... to one of the few places where they care less about soccer than the US... Canada!

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  36. There's no doubt that the play-off for 3-4 is a non event but quite often it produces the best football of the tournament. Maybe Brazil will feel they have something to prove and van Gaal may not want to lose his last two games in charge but there is no pressure on the players and the match is usually a little more competitive than a friendly.

    All golf is comedy golf, it's origins is rooted in comedy in fact. A couple of Scottish comedians, back in the 1800's, had a bet with each other that one could hit a rock further than the other using a stick. One of these guys, whose name escapes me, used a rock that was quite round while the other had a knobbly rock. The one with the round rock hit his rock further because it rolled further after it pitched into the dirt. The Scot with the knobbly rock complained about this and demanded they hit the rocks again. This time the guy with the knobbly rock found one that was more round and as it turned out his rock went further than the first Scot's rock. By this time the two had attracted a bit of a crowd which brought out the comedian in them. The crowd were thoroughly entertained by the two comedians. As the two Scots continued to hit their rocks across the field they kept the small crowd entertained with their jokes.

    Although the two comedians never went out to the field to hit rocks again, a few people in the crowd took to the idea of hitting rocks across a field and men hitting rocks across the field became a regular sight. Women were not allowed to go to the field to hit rocks and this is where the name Golf originated. A sign was erected at the entrance to the field, it read Gentlemen Only, Women Forbidden.

    With the advent of new materials for ball and stick and the lack of comedians the game lost it's entertainment value.

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    1. you sure that wasn't the Flintstones, Bo?

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  37. Nope Trott, I googled it so it has to be true.

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  38. Alexi Sanchez had been interviewed for the first time in London. He says he's looking forward to coming 4th next season and playing for man city the year after.

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  39. Extraordinary things happening in the test match.

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  40. Jimmy Anderson now the number 1 all time highest shooting number 11 has probably just saved Alistair cooks captaincy

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  41. If he scores a century the record will stand for all time....

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  42. “Germany taught us how to play football, they played the way we liked to play, so we need to sit back, see what is wrong with our football – especially in the academies, the way we teach them to play. A lot of change will need to come.”

    Juninho on the state of Brazilian football.sound familiar?

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  43. Brazil's humiliation complete, the first time in 40 years they have suffered consecutive home defeats.

    The dutch can have no complaints against the referee; a penalty awarded after Robben was pulled down a yard outside the box, two handballs inside the area by dutch defenders go unpunished then Oscar brought down in the box and the referee books him for simulation, the only booking for simulation in the tournament is given for what should have been a penalty... Robben must have had a quiet chuckle over that.

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    Replies
    1. first time in 74 years Bo, since 1940. You hit the side netting with that one.

      Brazil is going to have to completely overhaul the system and they'll probably do something about their football too.

      Delete
    2. I'll have to stop commenting here Trott, I can't seem to get anything fucking right lately... getting fed up with blaming my age but if I don't blame that I have to blame me, so it's an age thing mate.

      Delete
    3. sorry, can you remind me what we were talking about?

      Delete
  44. Couldn't fucking believe that dick neymar sitting there with his fucking kit on. I thought he was supposed to be dead or crippled for life at least and there he was sitting like some embarrassing sub-John Terry freeloader.

    Has any country ever paid so much to very nearly inspire a popular revolution and the same time trash its own image for sporting excellence?

    I have a Brazil no.10 shirt which I'll be cleaning the cart with in future, it's unwearable. I'd be ridiculed by small boys if I wore it in public. They'd struggle behind me throwing themselves to the ground pretending to have a broken spine, running around like headless chickens and fake-crying. 'Just like watching Brazil' will be a common chant next season I'm sure when teams are playing shite

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  45. Messi wins Golden Ball? FIFA corruption at work again. Rooney must have been a close second.

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely ridiculous. He wasn't even the best Argentina player on display.

      Delete
    2. I thought a German player should've got it like Mueller, IMO ... anyway ...

      Delete
    3. Whale oil beef hooked, I finally have a correct prediction, not a popular result though.

      Other predictions... England to win their group, Brazil to win WC, Neymar to win Golden Boot, they were fucking close.

      Delete
    4. FIFA felt bad for making Messi wait around for the silver medal so they thought it'll be a good idea to give him a Golden Ball to play with as consolation

      Zed

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    5. If that's for the best player of the WC, I'd have given it to Robben, dives and all.


      Jedi

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    6. WOuld have been better if 'Hamhead' Rodriguez was there to collect the Golden Boot and Suarez to carry the Golden Dentures award away clamped in his infamous gnashers, on all fours, like the dog he is, kicked by spectators all the way up and all the way down the stairs.

      Delete
  46. For a team which was supposed not to be up to much (so says H2), Holland did OK. Played Brazil, Argentina, Mexico, Spain Chile and others, and only lost on penalties.


    Jedi

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  47. A Tale of 2 Subs

    Gotze was the most destructive German sub since U-35 which sank 224 ships totalling of 539,741 tons.

    Christof Kramer - more of a U-247. Late entrant to the war. Sank nothing. In port a lot.

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  48. Mueller, Anon? Are you serious? He goes down easier than Robben, and he goes down easier than Jenna James, and she goes down easier than Linda Lovelace and she goes down easier than Stella from Stoke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you'll find Stella is brewed in leuven belgium trott and tastes like gnats piss ie the perfect accompaniment to a Bolton pie.

      Delete
    2. But yes. Golden Oscar award to Mueller with a special Academy mention to Robben for Special Effects. Cheating bastards.

      Germany also get a Lifetime Award for Naffest (and most irritatingly regular) Victory Celebrations.

      Delete
    3. I know I know but you didn't expect me to not pretend that I didn't, did you?

      Delete
    4. i know you know and no, I knew you'd say you knew and I already knew you knew. Do you know Stella?

      Delete
    5. I knew you'd say that.

      Is Stella that slapper from Bolton who fills pies with Pedigree Chum and passes them off as local delicacies?

      Delete
    6. no, she's a singer in Stoke, she sings songs for the lost and the lonely, in a night club

      Delete
  49. Bake me pies
    Bake me sweet little pies

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. although I'm not making flans?

      Delete
    2. He's only making flans for Nigel.

      Delete
    3. Nigel's whole future is leek and eel

      Delete
  50. Okay now that we're done with the WC, we can get back to the real fun stuff in a few weeks. FFL. Jacks you have less than a month to set up the jacks league. Look sharp, lad.

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  51. I wish that Sterling shot against Italy that hit the side netting had gone in. That was the moment this world cup started being crap IMO.

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