Monday, 22 September 2014

In Defence of the Defence

Well the Premier League is more than living up to its reputation - not always earned - for entertainment. I've heard the word 'goal' uttered almost as often as the word 'Scotland' over the weekend.

(And by the way, thank you for voting 'No' and my sympathies for still being under the rule of the pompous, patronising pricks that pass for parliamentarians these days. Let us continue to suffer together.)

Jose Mourinho says the Premier League is 'crazy'. It's hard to disagree. Except Mourinho's comments, decorated by a smile full of smuggery, seem to be based on some eternal truths that appear to be time-limited.

So here are the new facts about Premier League footy.

1. Beating Manchester United is not what it used to be. 

The post-Fergie slump seems to have been ignored by everyone. It's only a matter of time before Normal Service Is Resumed. Just what is it about the past year of United performances makes people think it's going to change soon?

One 4-0 victory against a QPR side that was so standoffish against United that they looked like Downton Abbey toffs walking through the servants quarters, and United are 'rejuvenated', Which is like saying that one night off the booze makes you teetotal.

Now you may point to a good coach - and Van Gaal looks more and more like a man who spends his week hitting himself in the face with a frying pan (which, given his team's form, is almost certainly true).

You may point to £150 million worth of raw talent - but not of that is defensive nature. Indeed the Sighing Dutchman's persistence with a back three in which not one of the defenders involved has any authority whatsoever, is beginning to look suicidal. Yesterday, Leicester's admittedly ludicrous penalty kick led to defenders wandering around like daleks do when you've covered their eye socket over.

I mean it made Brazil's World Cup semifinal look, well, sensible. All that cash, and Louis couldn't coax Vlaar out of Villa to bark some orders at the other dimwits? Fact is, United may have extraordinary talent in whatever front five they put out, but the defense its as ever to pierce as microwaved clingfilm. There for the taking.

2. If You've Got Lots of Money You Should Play Entertaining Football 

At least that seems to be Manuel Pellegrini's take on the Chelsea performance at the Etihad. It is, of course, garbage. Mourinho proved last season that when it comes to taking on title rivals, he's the biggest brain out there. And more often than not he goes for a mean, niggardly charmless game-plan. And it works.

Now Pellegrini says it was like playing Stoke. Si, Manuel, and how did Stoke do the other week at your gaff? Ermmm... oh, they won 1-0. Two banks of four, or even five, work hard, hit em on the break. Works for Simeone at Atletico, it's worked for Mourinho when he's needed it. Perhaps Pellegrini needs to kick chaps like Yaya up the arse and get them to be a little more inspirational rather than blaming the negativity of others.

3. The Europa League's Gonna Kill You

Oh this bloody tournament is a total nightmare. Everton and Spurs come back from a Thursday night running their backsides off and both of them play terribly or at least tiredly, on a Sunday afternoon. This has happened year after year and for these two it's only going to get harder.

Martinez stated he wanted to win the tournament, which is tantamount to accepting midtable obscurity if you ask me. Why the Europa League needs to be such a bloating seventeen course banquet of none too appetising fare is beyond me. (Yes, just more coffers passing through UEFA's fingers, the coins reflecting in glints and glimmers off the faces of FIFA-funded wrist-watches).

But why not a straightforward knock-out tournament? And why do the also-rans of the Chamions League group stage get a free pass into this inferior competition. It's like being told that you've not got into the Michelin-starred kitchen but don't worry, KFC is looking for someone.

The fact is the squads that make it to this grim endurance test are usually a little too thin to maintain a challenge on all fronts. A knock-out competition would be fairer, and frankly better.

4. Possession isn't nine-tenths of the law

Perhaps Pellegrini thinks you're a small team if you don't get to have the ball much. Like, for example this weekend with West Ham (38% - won 3-1), West Brom (34% - won 1-0) or Crystal Palace (a staggering 24% - won 3-2).

Arsenal fans can tell you that just having the ball means nowt. Ever since coaches started to try and figure out how to beat Barcelona when the ball appeared in your possession with the frequency of Halley's Comet, how you play without it has become the trademark of a top side.

Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather watch Di Maria scoop a lob over a keeper while running at 25mph (that lad has a golf club for a left peg) than admire the dogged devotion to duty of Nemanja Matic, but the fact is stopping the opposition is becoming the most potent quality you can have in this league. Palace proved that last year.

Liverpool, Everton and Man U are really poor at the back right now. Poor Alan Hansen must be in bed with a fever, bless 'im. Chelsea, when they set their minds to it, are excellent at it. They can be ruthless and expressive up front, but when push comes to shove, Jose's got his Pulisian Plan B ready. And that's why, even now, you can't see anyone winning the title but them.

No wonder he likes it 'crazy'. It makes his 'sensible' look very good indeed.




109 comments:

  1. Cor, well done.

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  2. Had to google 'niggardly'

    Was worried for a second.

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    1. IIRC the mayor of some American city was (almost?) fired because he used it in a public speech.
      Great American writers turned in their graves.

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  3. Good stuff Robbo, worra shocker, tehehe, LVG needs to shut the fuck up "I know everything about Leicester" and Pelligrini should back off too or he'll be holding his interviews from a street corner bar in Chile, or possibly Bolton if Sam isn't going to be available.

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  4. Robbo, first of all let me say that I have enjoyed reading your articles from when you were back on the old beeb website. However, your opinion has become so diluted, misinformed and basically utter shite that I have felt compelled to write a message. Everyone can take a good raking now and again but the relentless nature you dismiss and deride City with is embarrassing. I understand your whole premise is to be this bitter northerner sticking it to the 'top' clubs but at some stage a balance needs to be struck. I will not be reading your pieces again. Whether you care about this message or not, does not matter. I just finally felt compelled to say what a twat you are now coming off as in these articles. All the best
    Speersy

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    Replies
    1. and everyone else when called for Speersy, that's part of the fun, no?

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    2. Aw come on, mate. How Arsenal fans have stuck by this blog all these years is beyond me. You strike me as one of them Citeh fans who doesn't like his moneybags team becoming a target for the grievances of the rest of us. Which comes with the territory. Success breeds success they say, but it also breeds contempt and envy, both of which I freely confess to on occasion. Mind you, if you do know a Sheikh's brother who needs a plaything for for 5 years do mention Middlesbrough. A bit of purchased silverware would right come in handy. Here's hoping you change your mind. Read Robbie Savage for a few weeks and then tell me I'm coming off as a twat.

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    3. JDR! Brings back nightmares of Iva too!! Good blog as always and a truthful account of the european cup winners cup, or fair paly winners and runners up of CL spot cup as its now known!!

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    4. Let's face it speersy, back in the day citeh had the moral high ground, proper honest team with proper loyal local supporters. Not any more. Just another bought and paid for outfit of mercenaries using the money that should be back with the impoverished ripped off people of whatever country it is that had bought your soul. Lampards loan from NYC is a particularly cynical circumvention of FPPP.

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    5. I think Speersy's gone and taken his ball with him. Come, on lad, it's only a blog ffs. I find it incredible that despite all these foreign mercenaries, an Englishman scores the goal and another is Man-of-the-Match. I also thought the respect the Chelsea supporters showed for Lampard, which he reciprocated, was wonderful to behold and almost brought a tear to the eye of a gnarled old cynic such as myself.

      Spider

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    6. I suppose my comment was a somewhat heat-of-the moment reply, now after I have re-read it. I never feel compelled to react to blogs and the like online but for some reason just finally got fed up of the perpetual sly digs. Particularly after investing (and greatly enjoying!) so much of Robbo's previous posts. City are bound to attract widespread criticism from all supporters and observers for where they are now and how they got there. But for actual City fans, it is becoming increasingly difficult to stomach particularly when the attitudes everyone takes towards them are informed by the usual garbage that the media en masse spews out. If everyone just did a little bit of digging into how City's owners have invested in the community, local training and youth projects as well as the general long-term future of City, well....I guess I would be happier and everyone would be a little les narrow-minded. Anyway, yes Robbo - Robbie Savage's column is not even worth speaking of. His levels of twatdom far exceed yourself.
      Speersy

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    7. Speersy - less narrow minded? are you insane? this is Footballland, not Reality. Anyway, you're just struggling to adapt to how it used to feel like supporting utd before they became a laughing stock.

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    8. I can appreciate Citeh's owners do a lot of work for charidee but that doesn't mean the rest of us have to appreciate it, does it? Or they're hapless manager who is beginning - when faced with Maureen's taunting - to sound more and more like the Arse every day...

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    9. the big difference between then and now is that we can say "twat" on here without being moderated into oblivion.

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    10. Everything in moderation, especially moderation.

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    11. Bring back JDR. as we need more entertainment. His downfall parody is still on you tube as well

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    12. does anything ever leave YouTube?

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  5. Is there a team somewhere that Robbo does not slag off? I'm sure he'll be on Liverpool's case when we hammer Boro 17-0 tomorrow.

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    1. more like 17-16 id say.

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    2. of Liverpool's 17 goals, 4 will be lucky breaks, 3 dubious penalties, 5 off-side and 5 og's when defender was under zero pressure.

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  6. Karma probably came to bite me on the bum with Lampard scoring the equaliser yesterday but very little will take away the pleasure of seeing Manpoo going from 3-1 up to losing 5-3.

    Do have to say the way City started I thought we were going to get slaughtered yesterday but if parking El autobus does the job then so be it

    Welcome back H2 - did you have nice hols?

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    1. Cheers Bells. yes I did. I was in Mexico, in the Yucatan/Quintana Roo, beaches, booze and a bit of culture.

      Lovely Jubely.

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    2. Bells, I hope it bites you on the bum again tomorrow with a brace of og's for Cahill. I once had a chicken kurma bite me on the bum for three days straight.

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    3. Many years ago, I ate a Chicken Phal. The sense of feeling has still not returned to my nether regions.

      Spider

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  7. Good stuff Robbo.

    Defences really aren't as tight as they should/could be in the PL, but that all adds to the excitement. Maureen takes a lot of plaudits (rightly so) for the way he sets up his team to stiffle the opposition in the so called big games, but his defence is far from solid, in fact, 9 PL teams have conceeded less then the Chavs this term.

    Arsenal managed a clean sheet for the first time this season over the weekend, but I feel we are far from convincing in that department. Injuries to Monreal and Debuchy have already left us with only 4 recognised defenders, one or two more accidents and we're up the proverbial.

    Liverpool seem to be as shaky as last season, but without Bitey O Toole and the wiggly worm to bang them in at the other end they're gonna be in Barney. Mignolet's getting found out. (again), Gerard maybe happy to be back in the CL, although Im not so sure he can hack three games a week.

    As for United, well, that's just too funny, they are absolute pants at the back. I thought VaG was a bit of a dick in his post match interview, not only not giving credit to Leicester for their briliant performance, but for saying that it was the teams fault. Don't get me wrong, I kinda agree with him, they completly capulated, but he needs to take his share too. He took their best player off when the game was still there to be won and it was he who failed to recognise the major gaps in the squad he inherited. Now they've lost Evans to injury and Blacket to suspension, of dear *laughs*.

    Best defence in the league is Southampton, nice to see a Dutch coach doing well ;), with only 3 goals shipped, however having a tight defence is no guarantee of success, as Burnley, who have let in only four, find themselves in 19th.

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    1. H2H, nice to see you back and hitting the nail on the head. Manpoo look great when teams let them walk all over them (QPR) but when teams have a go at them they capitulate. Fancy Dans who don't like it up 'em seems to sum them up at present. I also think you are too generous in claiming your team are down to 4 recognised defenders. I am not sure Arsene would regongnise a defender if one bit him in the er, Arse.

      Spider

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  8. Robbo, you twat, let me just say that I agree with your comments. Maureen is the best strategist in the PL, Pellegrini is becoming a twat and having the majority of play is a waste of time if you can't take advantage of it.

    As a gunner, I continue coming here because I have nowhere else to go mate.

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    1. Go fourth then. It's what Gooners usually do.


      Jedi

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  9. Lamps in wrong shade of blue is lights out for Chelsea.

    Or something like that.

    Robbo, I'd rant at your ranting but I'm all ranted out. Besides, apparently Chelsea are going to win the PL, assuming they don't have to face Lampard again, don't mind winning like Stoke (and we don't mind... too much...), remember to beat the teams we should beat and destroy the teams we should destroy, keep Costa healthy, remember to track back, and a whole host of other stuff to boot. No sweat.

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    1. Wouldn't it be great if Pellegrini could loan Lampard out to every team Chelsea were playing next. They'd probubly end up relegated.

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  10. I've been saying this for quite some time now. Mourinho currently the best strategical/tactical coach in world football. He's a master at mind games, keeps it tight against top opposition, more expansive against shit teams like man utd etc. Lamps scoring that own goal (the bewildered look on his face after scoring) was pure poetry though, even tho it hurt! Pellegrino knows fuck'all about strategy, like LVG, atttack, attack, attack. Barca of 2 seasons ago, was the only team who could pull this off. They had 70% possession and actually beat u 5-0.

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  11. Replies
    1. amazing. 16-15. great effort from the Boro

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    2. Whoa... well, at least Liverpool can take penalties. Surely there must have been one or two Englishmen on target, even if half of those recently capped didn't score.

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  12. Torres has already scored for Milan.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29311328

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  13. Apparently, I'm supposed to be on holiday.

    Pellegrini told a news conference: "Frank will stay until January because until January he doesn't have anything to do in the United States because they are not working."

    https://eurosport.yahoo.com/news/premier-league-lampard-extends-manchester-city-loan-deal-114519573--sow.html

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  14. it's true Stephen, can't believe they didn't tell folks out in Utah. Big party here in the Tri State

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    1. Everything comes late (if ever) to Utah. Memos about days off, modernity, women's rights... Oh well. Seagulls will save the day.

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    2. Don't want to put a dampener on things but I think Steven Seagulls is a little past his prime to be saving anything ...

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    3. Utah has women's rights. It is just one of the few states that also realises that men actually have rights too

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    4. Are you sure you don't mean "it is just one of the few states that also realises that men actually have rights to two women"?

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    5. that's the fundamentalists mate. They are just mental and need locking up. They aren't like the Church of England who just change their mind all the time when the Lib Dems tell them too

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  15. Nice to be able to go back to completely ignoring the fact that Scotland exists. To be fair I have the same attitude to Norfolk.

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    1. Norfolking chance you care about Virginia?

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    2. There's a quiz team in our pub by the name of Norfolking Good. They're right, they ain't.

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  16. Good stuff Robbo. I've been trying to convince fellow Bluenoses that our defence has forgotten everything Motsie taught them and Martinez doesn't have a Plan B, and doesn't seem to know how to get a team to defend when they lose the ball (there might be a job for Davey there!), but like most footy fans they're a bit thick and blame it on players being "lazy".
    Gawd knows what the derby on Saturday is going to turn out like! Liverpool are as bad as us at the back, so I predict a 10-9 win to our beloved neighbours, courtest of the inevitable 98th minute dodgy "PENALTY TO LIVERPOOL"
    Me. I'll be down B&Q buying paint, or picking my teeth. Anything but watching or hearing about it. I hate derbies!

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  17. Anyone catch the biopic of Stoke City(spit) kit man Neil Baldwin aka Dobby the House Elf last night. Highly recommended.....

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    1. saw the trailer blog but it'll be a long time before I see the film. Shame, that's the shit I miss the most. Well that and pies and fish and chips and family the lads down t' pub and Rugby League and the lass next door but one.

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    2. before you got to nostalgic theres a whole lot of other shit you should know about - ukip, manchester city fans, british bake off, closed down pubs, the scots, the barking dogs, cat burglary, obesity and bankers (youve got those) the snobbery, katie price, the noisy twsat next door with the bang and olufsens, the daily mail and the endless delusions - and thats just in my street

      oh and the lass next door's not so hot any more. ironically it was the pies, chips and nights in with all the lads from down tpub wot done it...that and the 40-a day habit, the six kids, botched trout pout lip augmentation and the prediliction for guinness supernovas.

      Rule Britannia. Better and worse than people think.

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    3. fuck that. Noo Joisey forever!

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  18. Have a good weekend all. YIPPPEEEE Home time and only 19 more years to retirement!

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    1. Well Bloggy I was about to say to you only 19 years? When it slowly dawned on me that its 16 left for me. Not entirely sure whether to be pleased about that or pee'd off that I really am that old. Anyway I think the best solution is to have enough wine tonight so I neither remember nor care

      Have a good weekend everyone from me too

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    2. so they've lowered female retirement age to 45?

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    3. That's why Trotts is smooooooove wit the ladies....

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  19. The Balding Tripadore wants to open a private museum in his to displown hometay his trophies and medals. I hope he includes a few DVD's showing how he cheated his way to most of them.

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    1. Bo, I did NOT cheat to win any tro- wait a minute, I'm not opening a museum! And what the fook is a Tripadore? The balding part I'll own up to...

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    2. I will fight for his right to displown hometay them trophies and medals

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    3. and I can't even blame intuitive text.

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  20. Jags, you beauty - what a screamer! Roger T, you can come out now. I think a 1-1 draw flatters us more than Liverpool, and both sides looked a lot more solid at the back today.

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  21. Good point for vale and a great away win for Col u in the six pointer with Crewe

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    1. Hats off to robbie Cowling, the owner, a decent bloke establishing the club on a should footing with Fuck all support from the people of Colchester. 3500 supporters in one of euros fastest growing areas is a bit shit really. To busy polishing their ford mondeos I guess.

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  22. And Rooney as captain? Only if actual ability to inspire others is no part of your considerations whatsoever. He's am embarrassment. Its actually quite an achievement for a player of his stature to command so little respect.

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  23. Fuckity fuck fuck.....91st minute screamer from Jagielka. How much fucking worse can it get?

    That being said team looked like they're regaining a bit of their mojo despite the last minute equalizer. If you replacement for suarez was any good at putting them away, we'd be on our way. Hopefully he finds his mojo too.

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  24. that's enough now, fuck off Dog Fart.

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  25. Reaction to Mourinho's revelation that Diego Costa is "barely training": Strikers up and down the country are demanding they also be excused from training. Some managers acquiesce - Brendan Rodgers allowing Balotelli to stay in the bouncy castle up to 6 hours (no fireworks allowed). Rooney being sent to a rubber room, but that may be unrelated...

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    Replies
    1. Rooney wiling away the suspension with Tino Asprilla?

      http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/sep/25/faustino-asprilla-launch-line-condoms-colombia-guava-flavour

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    2. Wonder what the response would be if JT launched his own range of flavoured condoms?? Front page news!!

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    3. Perroncel-flavoured, no doubt...

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    4. Talk about burning Bridges!

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    5. Didn't realize JT gave the poor girl an STD...

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  26. Replies
    1. yes I did, thanks for askin' Blog. Besides an apple picking expedition it was the highlight of the weekend.

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    2. Golf is a shit sport! Should not even be called a sport. A bit like bowls, tedious, boring,YAWN, and basically fuckin kak!

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    3. Only dick'eds call golf a sport Keegan, it's a game, just like scrabble and foootball and darts. Sport involves the pursuit, capture and likely death of a wild animal.

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    4. Thought anything played on grass or a court was classified as a sport? Hard to think of a golfer as an athlete

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    5. as classified by a new generation of classifiers! It isn't necessarily athletes that play "sports", they used to be involved in athletics. Similarly, the fat bloke playing crown green bowling is playing a game and not a sport.

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    6. Try playing tennis with golf clubs!

      Or not.

      Pottery Corner....


      Two ugly sisters from Fordham
      Took a walk one day out of boredom
      On the way back
      A sex maniac
      Jumped out of a bush and ignored 'em.

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    7. try whackin' a tennis ball with a golf club at a low flyin' pheasant, now that's sport!

      Yer a grand potter, Blog.

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  27. Dear Louis Vag.

    Thank you for Danny Welbeck, if you have any other players who can't score then please send them our way. You can keep Rooney, Failcow and van Pussy though.

    Alvast Bedankt.

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    Replies
    1. He was awesome. Van gaal making Moyes look like mourinho and man u R still the Costa Concordia of English football

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  28. It's week-old news, but Suarez has scored his first brace for Barcelona. It was a friendly against Indonesia under-19s, mind...

    http://babb.telegraph.co.uk/2014/09/luis-suarez-scores-first-goal-for-barcelona-b-in-a-friendly/

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  29. Trotts, will you be helping Bolton find their next victim, er, manager, a la McBride & co. at Fulham?

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29475924

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    1. If Big Sam's not available my money's on Fergie or Paul McGinley. It would be a good career move for Sam. Last chance to get wider respect. Take Bolton up, qualify for Europe first season, win the Champs league and then take the England job. Happy days are here again!

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  30. Needs no introduction, aside from the link name...

    http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/newcastle-fan-group-sack-pardew-com-unfurl-brilliantly-witty-banner-against-their-manager/

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  31. Arsenal still a bit short, I guess. Wilshere, Welbeck, Gibbs, Chambers...wouldn't get anywhere near the Chelsea team would they?

    Haven't seen the match yet being one of hoi impoverished BBC dependent polloi, but look forward to it including wengers widow twanky impersonation.

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    1. They didn't during the match; they certainly won't after it.

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    2. Problem now though Blogs. is that you will only get to see Beeb sanctioned highlights which won't really paint the whole picture.

      Chelsea still the better team, did what they do extreamly well, efficent and cynical. The game deserved a bettter referee though. Way too many incidents went unpunished and bad calls here made, for both sides.

      It was worth losing just to see AW shoving that dispicable little toerag Maureen who once again proved he has all the ra ra of a chihuaua. Contrary to reports, AW did not enter JM's tec area he was walking around it, it was the Special chump who came out of his area to block him.

      https://vine.co/v/OKhFVvJ1UYW

      Add to your favourites.

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  32. You see Rodgers fundamental mistake is attempting to remove bordello's essential idiocy.He's lost without it.he looks lost and sad at the moment.

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  33. Everton once again get nothing from an easy away fixture (Old Trafford? Old Shmafford). Left to rue missed opportunities again.

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  34. Wenger's comments preseason concerning Fabregas came back to bight him on the arse on the week-end as Fabregas provided his 7th assist of the season and was named man of the match while Ozil has yet another poor game.

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    Replies
    1. Fab is the better player+10 million cheaper but ozil was a bit of a catalyst at the time they bought him, suggesting that arse were going to compete with the big boys. Not without spending another 50 million they won't.

      Wenger is a clever bloke and the confrontation was probably premeditated. Whether or not he cruise the white line it was provocative, H, to march across Mourinho to urge the ref to give a red card..this is what Maureen thinks and I think he's right.

      I think it was premeditated because last year Wenger's team capitulated. He knows confronting Maureen would have an effect on his team. He's not stupid and he's too old to be picking fights. He knew what he was doing. Trouble is, he doesn't have the players to beat Chelsea. I don't think anyone does, not in England any way.

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    2. I think Wenger still had a shitty on over Fabregas leaving the gunners three years ago and wouldn't have accepted him back even on a free transfer.

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  35. Pietersen and Keane kick and tell books about to be released. Not sure why anyone would pay money to read these two justifying themselves and their revolting behaviour the edited lowlights I've read are nauseating enough for me.

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  36. eh up Blog, stay in division one please so we can push each other in the comments box next season. fuckin' dreadful.

    First important game of the season at Old Trafford this weekend, come on ye Saints.

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  37. Big ask, trot. Vale struggling for survival, as usual.

    Just got a massive shock when an insect flew into the kitchen and exploded.

    I think it was a jihadi longlegs.

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