Monday, 27 October 2014

Allardyce, Bless Each Morning You Greet Me

A really very curious weekend of footy. I keep thinking Middlesbrough could have been top - that's how weird it is.

The Premier League table just looks odd, like a cut-out and keep from a time when Ipswich and Burnley and Derby could and by God did win the First Division title. (They were happier times: pies were tuppence, terraces were human wave machines and modern beef cattle would've turned up their noses at the pitches.)

Southampton stroll forward with a curiously able collection of talents assembled by Ronald Koeman, who I keep imagine being played by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Had anyone really heard of Pelle, Mane and Tadic before August? I was lamenting the disembowelment of Pocchetino's posse just weeks ago - now it seems it couldn't have been kinder.

Just as astonishing is Fat Sam's Fancy Dans at Upton Park. Again what Allardyce has managed to find - and this is football's equivalent to finding a suitcase full of cash in a public lavatory - is two goalscorers. We knew about Valencia but the other lad is lethal. Indeed, with a tight defence, a snappy midfield and agreat front man you could see Sam's got the full package: the backs, hacks and Sakho.

Big Sam seemed more than a little chuffed to be kissed by Russell Brand. I was looking forward to reading Brand's new book Revolution but at the last minute I realised that simply by purchasing the contemporary tome I'd be buying into a tired and unaccountable establishment paradigm that disenfranchises the working-class and only seeks to propagate its plutocratic hierarchies ad infinitum. So I eschewed its doubtless enticement and found myself compensated by the twin enchantments - steady there missus - of a glittering pint of Northern ale and a beautiful lady. Don't you know. (Anyone could write that stuff - trouble is, he does.)

Amongst all these refreshing table-top developments we cannot of course overlook the leaders and their comfy six-point cushion.

Chelsea continue to bolster the received wisdom that titles can be bought. Yesterday's match against the latest converts to that principle, Manchester United, threw together two of the most charismatic managers in the game. That's what I was told, anyway. Repeatedly. Til I told someone to shut the fuck up before I lamped him.

Journalists love to purr over these so-called masterminds as if this was less a footy match and more Kasparov v Karpov. Unfortunately for football managers, when they actually put their pieces into action they more often than not fail to behave int he expected fashion. Just ask Gus Poyet, whose solid rook Wes Brown turned into a right prawn, while the steady unyielding King Vito fell over and resigned long before the game was lost.

Nevertheless, Mourinho does seem to take a tighter hold of his men that most, if that doesn't create too unnerving an image. Once he and Van Gaal had disentangled themselves from as sincerely a held embrace as two men have ever mustered (I can't imagine Wenger even hugging his wife with such feeling) Chelsea fell into the Jose shape and stayed there.

Meanwhile Van Gaal's back three, four or five (depending on how many fingers you had covering your eyes) resembled a Dad's Army outtake at times, all of 'em darting in opposite directions, none of which was towards the ball. Mourinho missed a trick - there were goals to be had, particularly while Hazard was up against Rafael, a man who defends like a teenager lost in a haunted house with just a dim torch for company.

Mourinho's caution backfired, Fellaini mysteriously found some form and, as ever, United's forward forays showed enough swagger to encourage the Stretford End. Van Persie's goal was celebrated with the sort of clamour you'd expect for a late equaliser at, say, St Andrews. (There'll be one before 2015's out, I tell you). Yes, United get a plucky point. Well done, you scrapping hard-pressed little millionaires!

Although both Jose and Louis indulged in an after-you session when asked who might be the better of the two, I'd have to agree with the Dutchman that Mourinho pips him. The accusation with Mourinho is that he's only ever done it with huge squads on massive budgets. True. But not every one is good at that. Just ask David Moyes.

I'm not saying that Jose's teams spread joy to all and sundry - as Sunday showed he'd rather have a Matic than a Messi - but he knows how to get rich egocentric young men to work together and that takes some doing in this day and age.

Of course even he finds some players 'unmanageable'. Signore Balotelli, for one. Ironically a simple tap-in from three yards is what Mario finds 'unmanageable' at the moment. I feel a bit torn about the bloke. At least he's trying. It's just, well, I'm not sure he's really that much cop. And neither do the Kop.

Yes it's a rum old league at the mo, and with the top twenty in the Championship separated by a distance even shallower than the depth of Peter Schmeichel's analysis (seriously keepers don't really know owt about footy do they?) it's looking like everything's very difficult to predict. Apart from Chelsea winning the Premier League. Tsk.





308 comments:

  1. Good stuff Robbo. Highly chucklesome. That wasn't Russel Brand, it was Phil Gartside in his Halloween outfit.

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  2. Hmmm.... thought I would be third, and thus made a joke about Arsenal happy to finish there with me. Fourth works the same way.

    And to accompany the wonderfully lyrical issue from Robbo, a goal that needs no words...

    http://gfycat.com/GiftedNauticalAustraliancurlew

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  3. Excellent as always Del Boy.

    Especially the opening paragraph.Aaah,the memories.

    Please don't buy,read or listen to anything by Russell Brand,he is a complete turd-fondler.

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    Replies
    1. Although I obviously mean the 2nd paragraph.

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    2. And I think you're being grossly unfair to turd-fondlers, comparing them to Russell Brand indeed If I were a turd-fondler I'd sue and wait for the shit to hit the fan!

      Spider

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  4. Top ten again! Great blog as always, Robbo. I though Billy Brag's facebook bit on the new Jesus (note to USA, I'm being ironic) very even-handed but I preferred Joey Barton's pithy tweet about Che Brand starting the revolution from the director's box!

    Spider

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    Replies
    1. Ironic? Isn't that what you build bridges out of?

      Oh no, wait, let me show off my vast cultural knowledge...

      Ironic is one of three columns of Greek society. Ironic, Corinthian counter tops, and Dorian Grey. See? We 'mericans are smarter than you thought.

      Besides, if you think I'm wrong, I'll just shout louder until you realize I'm right.

      Delete
    2. Makes a change from shooting people!

      Spider

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    3. Thankfully, here in Utah, concealed carry laws mean I have the right to bring a gun basically anywhere, including public schools. That way, if someone starts shooting, I can play, too!

      Delete
    4. but if you start shooting won't you get in trouble for not having your weapon concealed? Or do you just shoot inside your pocket to maintain concealment of your weapon?

      Delete
    5. Trick is to carry it inside your trouser pocket then when the fantasy shoot out scene occurs (the one in which everyone actually hides or screams and runs away) - unzip and perform a Freudian dream sequence of rapid cock fire

      Delete
    6. Good call. I think the law specifies only taking out the gun if you feel threatened (though perhaps in more specific language). Well, being surrounded by people who are carrying guns is quite threatening, so I think I can get away with using it.

      Guess I better get that permit soon so I can enjoy it before I move this summer.

      Delete
    7. It's a strange State that Utah. You'd think that blokes with 3 or 4 wives wouldn't need to unload in their pockets.

      Delete
  5. So, what's with Brum then? 0-8! Even Sunderland couldn't manage that.
    A mention for Samuel Eto, too (or is that Eto'o tooo?). The man might be 33 (approx - no-one seems quite sure), but he oozes class. Liverpoo thought Lambert was a better bet...oh, how we laugh...

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  6. Nice one RR.

    Louis vaG has all the charisma of an overdate carton of yougurt, Maureen has admitedly more, but is an odious, obnoxious, slimey, eye gauging, oxygen theif. Not so much the smooth suave looking guy, of a few years ago, that would swing into a lucky ladies boudoir to leave a rose and chocies, more like the git slumped on the sofa scoffing down a family box of Milk Trays....... But I may just be biased.

    Regardless of all that, he is by far the best manager in the PL at this time, (spits out dirty taste) he doesn't so much pip vaG as leave him for dust, not sure what happened Sunday though. It was almost as if Maureen felt sorry for his old mentor and made his team take their foot off the pedal and not administer the death blow, very un Jose like.

    Ofcourse Ivanovich should never of been sent off, ridiculous officating that hasn't been seen at the Theatre of Screams since the retirement of the wino beetroot, but I still felt that the Chavs shoulda put that game to bed long before Fellaini got his wig to that free kick.... btw, how friggin fast does his Barnet grow? He had a short back, sides and top during the WC, he must use the same secret formula that Robbie Keane fertilizes his beard with.... but I digress.

    No, van Pussie should have never got the chance to do the "stupid" thing, nor the chance to chuck his shirt in the air. Not that I really think it will make much difference in the greater scheme of the season, but at least we would of been spared all the waffle from the coming out of hiding plastic mancs, that once again are heralding a turning point. *yaaaaawn*

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    1. Sorry, H2H, I thought the sending off was correct (nails tongue to table) but why did Ivanovic have to make that "tackle"? It wasn't as if the ManPoo player was going anywhere but into the corner from where he was going to dig out an inch perfect cross that VanP was going to head into the net? I don't think so.

      Spider

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    2. The second yellow was harsh at best, the first shouldn't of been issued.

      I'm done defending the Chavs now.

      Delete
  7. It'll be alright H, Big Sam to Arsenal next season (unless Barca snap him up) and Robbie Keane will grow a beard.

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    Replies
    1. He He.

      Ofcourse that should of been Roy Keane.

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    2. Robbie Rogers' brother, Kenny, has the beard.

      Delete
    3. Now if Brendan Rogers was to grow a beard and pretend to be Robbie Keane, sorry, I mean Roy Keane that might have an impact on Blooper Mario!

      Spider

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    4. Oscar Rodgers. He'll never walk alone.

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    5. if he gets a hammer or a stein across his knee caps he'll never walk again.

      Delete
    6. It would be Harding to Kerrigan if such a thing were to happen.

      Delete
  8. Hammerstein? Is that a piano? MC hammers first draft? Or Bobby Moore's reanimated corpse? Big Sam's reanimated knob (I swear he was erect after Russell 'che' brand kissed him, he was giggling like a girl on his first date weren't he?)

    Listen, £50 for me and two kids to watch port vale is too much in these cash strappe years of Tory race to the bottom. We can't all be posh arsenal fans. I'm not even sure it's a good part of my boys' education. What's it teach them? You'll win if you're a bit of a twat. True enough I suppose....

    Failure will result from collective endeavor, port called anti-socialism legacy to the right wing proletariat of my home city. I don't want them exposed to that. But above all what they will learnsis...football's a bit shit. Paradox ..

    Heres Orwell..

    The Sporting Spirit 'If you wanted to add to the vast fund of ill-will in the world, you could hardly do it better than to organise a series of football matches between Jews and Arabs, Germans and Czechs, Indians and British, Russians and Poles, Italians and Jugoslavs (sic), each match to be watched by an audience of 100,000 spectators . . . Football has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disegard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting.'

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  9. while I'm complaining about modern football.....Arsenal have just signed a14 year old left back from Southend's academy for £64000. Norwich have a 13 year old they paid£75k for. Call me old fashioned but I find this trade in willing but effectively indentured schoolboys fucking obscene.

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  10. There's good news too Blog, The Vale have just signed Jimmy Page from Led Zep to a permanent deal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Communication Breakdown?

      Nice to see btw John Lennon doing a good job bringing Bolton back from the dead.

      Delete
    2. yeah, your new anthem is a collaboration between Jimmy and Rogers & Hammersmith, it's called "you'll never go upstairs alone." Ours is "imagine"

      Delete
    3. (Trotts in a white suit in a white room playing a white piano. An Asian woman (in white) wanders in halfway through, looking earnest)
      Imagine no foreign "investment"
      I wonder if you can
      No rich clubs buying titles
      And hope for every club's fans

      Imagine even Bolton
      Vying for a cup
      Yoo-hooooo-oo-oo-ooo

      You may say I'm a dreamer
      I'll keep dreaming while I'm able
      I hope someday they'll all go away
      And the Wand'rers top the league table

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    4. Page Planted in Vale of Tears?

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  11. No more heroes? Shome mishtake shurely....

    http://viz.co.uk/eight-takes-apprent-ace/

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  12. Well played Newcastle second strung side too strong for a fading man city

    And well played Peter crouch two yellow cards in a minute and an early return to the catacombs

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  13. Savage sez Burnley's problem is goals - apparently, they are not scoring enough of them, and scoring goals is one of the keys to winning football matches.

    As a Yank, I'm so glad he's around to help my understanding of the game. What analysis. No, really -- what analysis?

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    Replies
    1. I have recently learned that the other key to winning matches is to not allow goals.

      In fact, to win, one must score more goals than one's opponent.

      (So proud of myself... all these years of carefully studying world class punditry are finally paying dividends!)

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    2. Our understanding of the universe has come so far. Truly, this is a great time to be alive...

      Delete
  14. It seems that with Sanchez we have finally managed to snare a world class forward. After the bunch of losers that we have managed to bring to the club in recent years I was beginning to have serious doubts about the quality of our scouts... mind you Blind Freddy could have recognised Sanchez's talent after watching a couple of Chile games so it's no great scouting achievement.

    Not sure we got it right with our biggest money signing i.e. Ozil. Just don't think he is the goods, I hope he proves me wrong, I doubt it though. Maybe Bayern have 50 mil to spare.

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    Replies
    1. Blind Freddy? Is he the new Man Utd ref?

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  15. Well, obviously we have to win the CL to be able to play in it next year, as the best we'll do in the league is to make it into the top half. Thankfully though, the CL is in the bag.

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  16. What a bloody day. Hapless performance from Liverpool. Came in to check my FFL team for some consolation, only to find that while I was a genius to bring in Dummett and Alexis Sanchez for this gameweek, I was too fucking lazy to check my team before start and both of them were on the subs bench. I am as clueless as Rodgers.

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    Replies
    1. I had Sanchez as captain last week, somehow not this week, I can't work out why, maybe because I brought Costa back in. Oh well.


      At least L'pool will have an easy week, Real and Chelsea will be a doddle compared to Newcastle.

      Delete
    2. D'ye know? I think it's the American owners. Because I can't imagine a lot of managers saying, "Mario Balotelli? Oh yes, please!"

      On the other hand, Americans can be very influenced by what they see on television. So there's that bizarre Puma commercial with "bad boys" Usain Bolt (didn't know he WAS a bad boy) and Mario Balotelli, and I'll just bet the owners said, "Hey! Isn't that the guy Arsenal was supposed to be after? HE'S FAMOUS!" And they went and bought him.

      Now Rodgers feels like he has to play him, and calls Mancini after every match for grief counseling: "Yes-a, Bren-dan, he fucked up-a my team, too!"

      Of course, none of this explains how 'Pool seem to have bought all the wrong Southampton players...

      Delete
    3. Brentan bought Ballotelli, he bought them all, it's his team now.

      Delete
    4. Ballotelli takes all the heat off him.

      Mario may not be super, but he;s not the reason that the defence is shakey and the keeper is not good enough.

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    5. Oh, I know he bought the Southampton-ers? -ians? ites? His lack of remorse for 'raiding' them is on record. As are all the parody stories about Liverpool putting in bids for the Southampton tea lady. Just having a little fun to cover my own chagrin at Everton not getting 3 points at home to 10-man Swansea. Oy.

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    6. tea lady? These ponces are all on chai fuckin lattes and pumpkin spiced bollockin dark roast.

      Delete
  17. I'm not proud of this, but I just said hello to Titus Bramble.

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    Replies
    1. Titus Bramble is a fuckin LEGEND!!!!

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  18. Really good game Col u/vale yesterday. The right result, even though the Pontiff its out for three months...Col u played with a flat back four when defending which became a fashionable back three going forwards. The right back moving up into midfield. Both goals came from this transition, with an exploitable hole emerging in this right back position so a bit of home work three for col u and well done the vale.

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  19.  "That's the worst back four you will ever see for Man United," says Jamie Redknapp.

    Doubt it. This is the worst man u performance in the league, at this stage since 1986, just before the arrival odd the Beetroot Masiah. Bring back Moyes lol

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  20. Just been watching yesterday's highlights. What the hell has Stewie Downing been eating? What a fabulous performance from the lad. We'll be putting in a 20 million offer for him soon.

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  21. 33 points on my bench for FFL FFS.

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  22. Trott, Thai take-away's in the near future eh!

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    Replies
    1. http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29878720

      This might be one of those 'pact with the devil' slip-ups. Trotts asked for an oil baron to take over Wanderers, and cunning old Scratch has arranged for it to be a sesame oil baron...

      Delete
    2. if I was off to Thailand for a few days I'd say it was "on business" too. It makes a hard man humble.

      Delete
    3. Thanks for the ear worm, guys. Not much between despair and ecstasy...

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    4. "Ecstasy"? She used to work on Liverpool docks.

      Delete
  23. I am obviously missing something, but why did Smalling get the first yellow card? He did not charge Hart - he simply stood in front of him and lifted his leg? He didn't even make contact with Hart or the ball. Is that an offence now?

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    Replies
    1. He followed Hart, which you can't do. And he did make contact with the ball. "Stupid" sums it up. Maybe his getting sent off was part of a cunning plan by LvG to improve United's defence?


      Jedi

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  24. Brilliant. I laughed at "(I can't imagine Wenger even hugging his wife with such feeling)"

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  25. Talk about fickle fans. Last year Rogers was the greatest thing since sliced bread, this year he's shit and the fans want rid of him. It's amazing the difference a biter makes.

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  26. Liverpool worked their arse off to get back in the CL. Only to put out a severly weakened team against the biggest club in the world........


    That's some stupid shit.

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    Replies
    1. I just posted about an hour ago, but somehow that seems to have gotten lost, not unlike Rodger's sense of pride. This is awful. I've never joined the 'Rodgers out' brigade, but having rested the first team for Chelsea, if we lose on Saturday, it's going to be curtains for him Im afraid.

      Delete
    2. shred H I just hope it goes into double figures, shameful scouse eating surrender monkeys or are they just confusing it with whatever the league cup is called these days? Ronaldo looks a bit like Tom pope from a distance, say 2000 miles which its roughly the metaphorical distance between these two teams

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    3. Agreed or Shred as they say in Kyrgyzstan

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    4. Also, can anyone explain why Citeh fans (who waited years watching United play CL football) can't be bothered to turn up to support their team against the likes of CSKA? Performance harked back to the "good" old days of City unintentional comedy.



      Jedi

      Delete
  27. David James lets it all slip through his fingers...

    http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-29895649

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  28. Well done Arsenal, snatched a draw from the mouth of victory.

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  29. Nevermid the EPL, the FFL or the UCL, Arsenal are playing in the OFFSL (oh for f&%*s sake League). Very offside first, slightly dodgy penalty for the second and a stonking header for the third. Mertesacker seems to get beaten in the air a lot for such a giant fella, it's not the first time this season he's lost the runner with crosses (nor the second, third....). Gutted.
    Rastafairy

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  30. Publishing as Anonymous makes you type in one of those CAPTCHA thingies to prove you are not a robot now. Surely the fact that I support a team that throws a 3 goal lead away proves that. If I were a robot I would support the statistically most successful team. And also, I can't be sure that I'm NOT a robot - I've seen Bladerunner.

    Robotrastafairy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, Robo-Rasta, what's the next target for those crazy computer whiz-kids in the Anonymous collective? And do you dream of Electric Sheep?

      Hm, reading that back, I note that if you take away the one of the b's, Robbo becomes Robo Robson. And we've had a chatbot (Agent?) in these comments before. Are we all just little organic batteries in some machine-induced dream?

      I ain't swallowing no damn blue pills for a while, I can tell you. Not with a new season of Duck Survivor Honey Boo-Boo Zombie CSI just started...

      Delete
    2. Half robot, half sheep? They'll be baaaaaaack.

      Delete
  31. why the fuck are the FIFA cunts still defending the corruption that allowed the world cup to be granted to Qatar in the first place? It's a logistical nightmare to hold it there in Winter and impossible to put lives at risk by playing it in Summer. Just move it to England (or New Jersey) (or Thailand)

    ReplyDelete
  32. They'd put it in a crater on the moon if there was a Rolex in it for them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just not on artificial turf. That's only for the ladies. In short shorts.

      Of course, they'll pretend it could be on artificial turf, but that's only so the ladies stop bitching about unfair treatment and back down from their lawsuit.

      Though knowing Sepp, just to prove a point, the next men's World Cup may be in Antarctica on blended real/artificial turf flown in from Venus by the Sepp Blatter Pitch-Laying Corp.

      Delete
    2. now you're talkin' a Rolex? Can we all get one? It's gonna be a great tournament, on the warm side but nothing to healthy professional footballers. Perpetual motion please.

      Delete
    3. It might as well be on the moon.

      There's hardly any atmosphere in the stadiums as it is.

      Delete
  33. In other news, Man City can now focus on the League Cup. Oh, no, hang on a minute, better check that.

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  34. For me, the most compelling question about Liverpool-Chelsea is whether the Yummy One will don the puffy vest again. I'd like him to pair it with an American trucker hat (the kind with mesh at the back), and possibly some aviator shades. He could then stalk the sidelines, talking in CB lingo: "Uh, 10-4 Diego, you have a clear run to the goal, keep the bugs off your glass, and Skrtel off your...tail."

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    Replies
    1. 10-4 Diego would be quite a day for my fantasy team...

      Delete
  35. Didn't I say LvG would be talking about the ManUre rebuild in terms of decades by the end of the season? He's already up to three years!

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/29949390

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  37. I was at a birthday party this evening and as with all Filipino parties it featured a videoake. One of the songs that somebody selected was titled Despair and the video that went with this song comprised of film clip of our very own Wayne Rooney, which I thought was most appropriate.

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  38. I think wenger owes merson an apology

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  39. Why the hell can no one defend this season (notable exceptions, Saints & Chavs).

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  40. o what do you think? Invincible? The Lesser Neville identified fabregas' defending as Chelsea's weakness. As he's clearly better than Frank lamppost, ..he may be right, there's been a lot written about the attack orientation of modern football not least by Greater Neville with left backs like Shaw and that Atzec fellah bombing forward like kamikaze pilots in a hurry but having a player like that as your crumple zone it's like zeroing in on the pimple on Marilyn Monroe's left buttock.

    And Mourinho actually knows what he's doing. I wonder with some of the others. Allerdyce seems as surprised as anyone that his teams doing well, Rodgers' tactical genius is revealed as the almost accidental presence of two top strikers in his team last time.

    Maureen is wrapping Diego Costa in cotton wool not sure why you'd need to do that for someone who resembles a bulldog with a baseball bat riding a bull in a China shop, but maybe that's where any Achilles heel resides as the season wears on, in costas Achilles heel.... Drogbas past it.

    PARKLIFE

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    Replies
    1. don't talk to me about that spotty arsed bint!

      Delete
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  45. They are probably the most sensible comments I have made here at Robbo's.

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    Replies
    1. You tease, Bo.How's tricks btw?

      Delete
    2. I could do with a few tricks living here in the Philippines to keep up with the locals, some very tricky folk around here. Life is great Blog, just wish I had moved here sooner.

      Delete
  46. Couldn't decide whether or not to spare us the horror of the second coming of Becks, huh, Bo? Glad you finally decided we could take it.

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    Replies
    1. No Scott, I knew you guys could handle the news... I just kept fucking up the html.

      Delete
    2. Arsenal seems like the obvious choice for a son of Posh. Where's Arsenal's youth academy located? It must be so much less stressful when one can 'shop' for your sons/daughters football academy, instead of blindly hoping/praying for a chance. Just hope Podolski doesn't become excessively jealous because Lil' Becks is so much prettier.

      Delete
  47. Spurs looked like a Sunday league team pissed at each other because some one's Mum forgot to bring the quartered oranges … again.

    Oi-vey.

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  48. Woohoo..finally broke into the top 10 in one of the FFLs. If there was ever a league for most points left on the bench, I would be undisputed champion of the world.

    The way Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs and Everton (and possibly even City) have decided to play this season, it really looks like we could see Chelsea, Saints, Hammers and Geordies in the CL next year. Allardyce to win in at replace Ancelotti.

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  49. Agree, AH - all the clubs you mention have had some headscratchers of matches, drawing or losing games they could/should have bossed. Starting to hear some rumblings about the managers of all of them except Everton. Of course, fans may have been distracted by the Oscar-caliber performances in this video by Eto'o and Pienaar. Honestly, Eto'o's facial expressions are quite hilarious...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE3wOymGeKE

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  50. Blogs... this one's for you:

    http://auction.hilcoind.com/Bidding.taf?_function=detail&auction_uid1=3657502

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    Replies
    1. crazy, why is David James selling all his stuff? He has a much sought after Ivan Campo shirt in there, probably go for several million pounds, highlight of the auction (obviously).

      Delete
    2. it's a bankruptcy sale. Proceeds to benefit HM Revenue. he should sell his MBE medal first.

      Delete
  51. The inventor of predictive text has died.His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

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  52. Fifa's independent ethics adjudicator, Hans Joachim Eckert, will clear Qatar of wrongdoing in his report.

    Independent? Doesn't the "apostrophe s" indicate that the ethics adjudicator belongs to FIFA? How the fuck is that "independent"?

    I demand another investigation by the ethics adjudicator's ethics adjudicator.

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    Replies
    1. I nominate Vannesa mae. She won't fiddle the system.

      Delete
    2. I nominate Ellie May. The Clampet family are too rich from a fortunate oil strike to be corrupt.

      Delete
  53. Maybe this link won't die. Puskas award. Love FIFA's "women play, too" choice. Helluva goal, but no way it will get any votes. I'll take Kasami, thanks.

    http://www.fifa.com/ballon-dor/puskas-award/index.html

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  54. Bloody hell there's even an MLS entry in that list. Not too shabby. its a close call between kasami and costa for me.

    ReplyDelete
  55. So FIFA have concluded that it was the English who were the corrupt bidders? Basically if you're good at criminality you're officially innocent. That's the problem with the FA -rank amateurs when it comes to corruption.

    No real investigation into the Russian bid -they would have been killed- and they didn't even speak to Mohamed Bin Hammam. I'm sure this has nothing to do with undermining the credibility of FIFA's strongest critics - the English but can someone with Ebola pop round to FIFA HQ and have a quiet word please? Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  56. "FIFA Ethics" is up there with "Jimmy Saville Child Care" and "Al Quaida Liberalism" in the world lexicon of sinister comic oxymoron.

    ReplyDelete
  57. You can't make this up for absurdity. Stephen King, HP Lovecraft - hell, even Hunter S. Thompson - would flee, driven insane. The fucking LAWYER (sorry, gotta resist all caps here) who conducted the FIFA Qatar bid corruption investigation is disputing its findings, mere hours after they were released:

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/30037729

    But that's not all! It gets better! This honest man and true, Michael Garcia, esq., is going to contact the (wait for it) - FIFA APPEALS (sorry!) committee in regard to the matter. Whew! I'm sure they'll straighten this mess out!

    Kafka ain't in it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, and if Blatter isn't Cthulu himself, he's his avatar on Earth...

      Delete
  58. It's all a big waste of time.

    Even if the so called report had found any wrong doing and had stated such, then what?

    Who would be brought to account? And by whom?

    The only reason there was an inquest is because Fifa allowed there to be, they commishened it just to keep the rabble happy.

    They answer to no one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I for one would support England withdrawing from international competition whilst that fat corrupt cunt is in charge. For the filleting reasons

      1. The honour of the English nation.

      2. We're shit.

      Delete
    2. If Blatter had come out and said we all deserve at least 10 years in the slammer plus siezure of all our assets then it would carry some weight.

      In other news, a Frenchman has ridden his rocket powered bike 207mph. He was last seen surveying bike racks around Stoke.

      Delete
    3. Blogs, I'd make that more of a 1 and 1A...

      Yeah, it's a dog and pony show, and that's the frustration - it's not like there's a wall of silence, or a choir of voices all singing the same tune. It's almost like FIFA deliberately have these leaks and disputes over findings just to emphasize how they're completely out of reach.

      Delete
  59. I think FIFA are now perfectly capable of orchestrating a ban on England's World Cup participation due to the undisputed 'evidence' of corruption. Greg Dyke doesn't have to do any threats himself - they'll kick us out beforehand! The FA are the perfect 'fall guy' for all of FIFA's perceived ills; it's so bloody obvious - shoot the messenger first, don't ask any questions later!
    SashPie

    ReplyDelete
  60. Ze Germans to ze rescue......

    http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/nov/15/fifa-uefa-world-cup-germany-football

    ReplyDelete
  61. Robbo are you still with us?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suspect he's preparing a scathing blog confirming corruption in the FA, the inevitable conclusion of which will be that Bournemouth and Derby have been 'gifted' goals, and the Boro should be 1st - nay, should secure automatic, on-the-spot promotion to the PL (chuck out Burnley) with their 31 points intact, giving them a 2-point lead over Chelski.

      He will go on to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist! The strawberries - that's how he'll take down the FA...

      Delete
    2. He's probably brokering a deal woth some shady Militant Islamist Faction that they can have access to all the virgins in Middlesbrough if they terminate with extreme prejudice the life of a certain Swiss person (and I DON'T mean Mrs. Federer!)

      Spider

      Delete
    3. Okay, I'll provide the obvious punchline: Won't the Islamists be surprised when they find out that there aren't any virgins in Middlesbrough? (rim shot)

      Delete
  62. He's probably waiting for the Scotland v England friendly of tomorrow....

    although calling a game between those two nations a friendly could probably be construed as false advertising.

    ReplyDelete
  63. The Scotland/England fixture will be the least friendly friendly in the history of unfriendly friendlies. The UK is broken. We thought it was a family but the independence vote showed its just a malfunctioning business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. looking forward for the drone brawl like in the serbia vs albania match!

      Delete
    2. "The UK is broken." It's always been broken. You forced the other countries in at the point of the sword. They never wanted to be joined with England.

      Delete
    3. "Never"? The Northern Irish protestant majority are more British than the English. The Welsh are going nowhere because they love us so much and I don't know if you heard but the Scots had a vote on this issue not so long ago.

      That's not to say that we didn't over-do the forcing at the point of a sword business in the past. But in our defence we didn't invade the following countries :

      Andorra
      Belarus
      Bolivia
      Burundi
      Central African Republic
      Chad
      Congo, Republic of
      Guatemala
      Ivory Coast
      Kyrgyzstan
      Liechtenstein
      Luxembourg
      Mali
      Marshall Islands
      Monaco
      Mongolia
      Paraguay
      Sao Tome and Principe
      Sweden
      Tajikistan
      Uzbekistan
      Vatican City

      Delete
    4. I would have thought you might have done Liechtenstein purely by accident at some point (of the sword)...

      Delete
  64. A pretty tame affair in Scotland. Great opening Arsenal inspired goal to open proceedings but the highlight for me was when the travelling five thousand gave a rousing rendition of God Save The Queen which brought fourth a chorus of booing from the men of the North.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Robbo was simply waiting for this story to break, wherein a footballer actually does something humane. Robbo thought it would be a long break, but hell froze over just in time.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/30119697

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that Lad should be the new man at FIFA

      Delete
  66. Somebody go round to Robbo's house and see if he's OK, yeah?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to his twitter, he is in the US at the moment.

      https://twitter.com/robbo_robson

      Delete
    2. Didn't catch that one on the feed. And he hasn't even dropped by!

      Delete
  67. hopefully he's just waiting for the Wonderwoman pictures to upload

    ReplyDelete
  68. So Sturridge out till well into the new year. Well, that's that then. Footy is overrated anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Ok, it's prediction time (my prediction track record is as poor as Robbo's post's are regular.)

    Arsenal will not finish top four this season, Wenger will bow out at the end of the season and will be replaced by Pep Guardiola.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pep at Arsenal Bo? And pigs will orbit mars before the end of the decade....

      I agree arsenal won't be top four though. Wilsheres a liability he's slow and won't release the ball. Main problem is attack. If Wenger could hire Dr Moreau and create a hybrid Gerbeck-Wellou creature with gerou's finishing spliced into wellbecks speed then maybe...

      Delete
    2. no, you're currently next to last but things change fast around here!

      Delete
  70. Why the fuck we never invaded Sweden I'll never know.have you seen the women up there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only their so-called 'bikini team' from the 1990s, which was used to sell (what passes for) beer in America...

      Really hoping Robbo will see that and post a pic or two on the next blog...

      Delete
    2. During the Napoleonic Wars until 1810, Sweden and the United Kingdom were allies in the war against Napoleon. As a result of Sweden's defeat in the Finnish War and the Pomeranian War, and the following Treaty of Fredrikshamn and Treaty of Paris, Sweden declared war on the United Kingdom. The bloodless war, however, existed only on paper, and Britain was still not hindered in stationing ships at the Swedish island of Hanö and trade with the Baltic states.

      The Swedes held off invading us until they had their secret Abba weapon which transformed the would be soldiers of Britian into a generation of wankers.

      Delete
    3. Weapons of Masturbation? Hard to think of the loveable Swedes of invading anyone really. There's a reference in Bede about bewaring the wrath of the Norse man(i.e. Norwegians) what's less well known is the bit about their more docile allies sending them flat pack long boats

      Delete
    4. aye but there's always a screw missing and the fjords are full of sunken prototype shelving units

      Delete
  71. One loose screw and it all falls apart. Bit like my marriage....

    ReplyDelete
  72. Robbo is so immersed in the MLS playoffs that he's completely forgotten to blog...

    ReplyDelete
  73. This is what I do while at robbo's blog these days

    http://www.gifbin.com/bin/2074yu4sw2.gif

    ReplyDelete
  74. I have a complete mind blank so I have nothing to comment about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In the absence of a new blog entry, how about a discussion of Wolfsburg v Everton in the Europa? Here, I'll start:

      Erm...Everton are playing Vfl Wolfsburg in the Europa League on Thursday. Vfl is short for Verein für Leibesübungen, which means gymnastics or exercise club. Apparently.

      Okay, good discussion! I thought there were a number of fair points made on all sides, and I appreciate that we didn't let disagreements get out of hand.

      Delete
  75. well, the fuckin' snow has started, see y'all in March

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're anywhere but Buffalo, Trotts, quitcherbitchin'... :)

      According to a "news" story from the other day, I live in a city (Minneapolis), where we can actually bitch about cold. I don't find it all that daunting, but there are those that despair when the temperature doesn't climb above 0 degrees Farenheit (-17.7 C) for a week or so...

      Delete
  76. it don't matter where you come from, it matters where you're headed. And as Lee Marvin once grunted….Home is made for comin' from, for dreams of goin' to, which with any luck will never come truuu u uu

    and back there we only ever had the occasional 1/2" of coal dust.

    It's alright for you in your ice fishin' hut out on the lake with your fancy wood stoves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I flew to DC (snow) from Utah (colder, but no snow at the moment) today. Sat next to someone from San Diego. They shouldn't be allowed to talk about the weather.

      Any of you Brits ever been to San Diego? How did you cope without the persistent fug of "weather" about? Worse yet, how did you handle the sunshine?

      (Please, Robbo, write a new blog... we're talking about the weather for fug's sake!)

      Delete
  77. Incredibly sad news about Philip Hughes. RIP.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, can't quite believe the news is true. Tragic death. RIP.

      Delete
  78. In other news, I've just finished my degree so am now a qualified electrical engineer. The world just became a little bit more dangerous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congrats Noel. You are now officially the bright spark at Robbo's.

      Delete
    2. Congratulations Noel, your services are in great demand here where our motto is "If you can't fix it with a hammer, it must be an electrical problem"

      Delete
    3. Well done Noel. There's always jobs in the UK.our motto is 'if it's fixed, why not break it'

      Delete
    4. Thanks guys. Been a struggle but got there in the end. Just a shame that it means my Australian adventure is coming to an end. Back to the homeland next week via a quick pit-stop in Stafford.

      Delete
    5. Congrats, Noel! Did you get a conductor hat?

      Delete
    6. Well done Noel.

      Congratulations.

      Delete
  79. Why no blog for ages?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah ok. I keep chking back here- maybe he posts more info on his twitter feed?

      Delete
    2. perhaps he's in a NY State of mind? Perhaps the next blog will be about the state of football in the USA (with added pictures of Wonderwoman).

      Delete
    3. Perhaps he mistakenly wandered into an Old Country Buffet, got addicted to all-the-crappy-food-you-can-cram-in-your-piehole eating, and is now in a state of morbid obesity and heart disease. The only sport he now cares about are NASCAR and the pro wrasslin'.

      Delete
  80. and Bolton continue an unstoppable march to play-off misery.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Big animal cruelty scandal today at Colchester United. It's reported that the first team were using a hedgehog for a kick about. But by the time the RSPCA arrived, the hedgehog was winning 3-1.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which incidentally reminds me of my favorite Mick mcarthy quote. Pissed off by the ref, but ever the sophisticate, Mick opined after the game

      'i hope his next shit's a hedgehog'

      Delete
    2. I was finishing my lunch today, hoping for a new Robbo blog, but pleased to at least see some new comments. Almost did a spit take laughing at these, Blogs.

      Delete
  82. Which will come first? 200 comments or new Robbo? Father Christmas or new Robbo? The next Star Wars film or new Robbo? LvG's 3-year overhaul of ManUre or new Robbo? The Rapture or new Robbo?

    ReplyDelete
  83. Don't be racist. Be like Mario Balotelli. He's Italian, his mother is Jewish, he jumps like a black man (doesn't have much choice), he makes unwise twitter posts like a Mexican (who makes unwise twitter posts) and plays for Liverpool FC. I think the only part that anyone could be offended by there is the "plays for" part. Maybe I should say "he's employed by".
    Seriously, if anyone can get offended by a silly twitter post then the world has gone to the dogs. It's obviously not really offensive otherwise the BBC wouldn't publish the text of what he tweeted...normally they just say someone is a racist / sexist / antisemite / homophobe (or all of those things) without stating what was actually said. But then again, to be fair, when they talk about celeb porn photo leaks they don't print the pictures either. Do they know how much searching I have to do?
    Rastafairy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He must be Jewish. "Why Always Me" is practically Yiddish. Only minor, okay, major difference is Yiddish would be Why Always Us to put us in a historical context, rather than being completely narcissistic.

      And Mario, call your mother. She hasn't heard from you in ages. She doesn't know what you're up to now that you aren't playing. She's becoming concerned. You don't want your poor mother to get another ulcer, do you, Mario?

      Delete
    2. And your father, Mario - he's going to fall down dead, the shame you bring to this family! Why can't you make an honest shekel like your cousin Giovanni, go into a trade, be a mensch? Prancing around in red underwear...

      Delete
  84. I wouldn't class Balotelli as a racist, the same way I wouldn't class him as a particularly good footballer.

    He's never done anything of note on the field in his PL days, the only reason any of us have ever heard of him is because of his off field antics. The gutter press have all got people watching his every move for a slip just to fill column inches and he gladly obliges.

    He's nothing more then a parody.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Apparently the FIA needs a full investigation, inquiry, analysis and a nearly 400 page report to conclude that "Jules Bianchi 'did not slow sufficiently' before crash". NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
    Erm, isn't that really the definition of a Crash? Slowing sufficiently means STOPPING before impact or reducing speed enough to take evasive action. The money they could have saved asking anyone, anywhere who saw the video: "what happened there?" ...."Well, I'm no expert but it looks like he didn't slow down sufficiently"..."thanks, could you expand on that to about 400 pages, please".

    I hope the poor guy gets better soon, I'm in no way poking fun at him.

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  86. Here I am
    On the road again
    There I am
    Up on the stage
    Here I go
    Playin' star again
    There I go
    Turn the page

    ReplyDelete