Friday, 8 May 2015

Blue Heaven, New Hell

So that's good, then. Great Britain has voted for its own funeral. Perpetuate the wealth staying in the hands of the already too wealthy, shuffling to and from our zero hours 'jobs' while the loaded push great wads of cash back and forth across an expensive oak table, grinning like the entitled pricks they are. 

But this is a football blog, and British football gives you a pretty good analogy for what our country has become. There is a self-appointed, self-aggrandising elite humming a happy tune to itself and relentlessly lording it over the rest of us. Meanwhile, the rest of us little folk shuffle around like doddering dogs hoping that some of the crumbs might fall from the table, or that we too might strike it lucky and wake up in the arms of a billionaire who made his money in a quasi-illegitimate way. 

Chelsea's title-winning effort was in of itself a fine achievement. Mourinho is, whatever else you think of him, an excellent predator of titles. He reminds me of those Komodo dragons that use a slow-working poison to kill their prey and then just sit around while the victim slowly descends into inactivity. The first half of the season was surprisingly flamboyant, the second half decidedly not, but there's much to admire in their defensive organisation. It's like the old Royal Tournament where you could watch military men doing complicated things with great precision - impressive, but God you wouldn't want to watch it every day. 

Their victory has not been welcome, but then whose is? They are boring, divey, smug, neurotic but more than all of that, boundlessly wealthy. You might say, 'ah but they use their money wisely'. Fair point. Better than the ragtag mercenaries in the sky blue shirts who turn up one year and down tools the next. Better than the extraordinarily profligate United transfer policy which seems to be reaching Citeh levels of bottomlessness. 

Better too, than the negligent rearing of Newcastle United by a porky cockney with not the slightest interest in the club beyond its capacity to generate money for himself. 

But the point is, wealth is all in football. The acquisition of it, the sustaining of it. Were Abramovich or Mansour to just cash in their chips tomorrow, Chelsea and Citeh would be bumping along the bottom within three years. Unless some twat with an online sports clothing company were to chip in a few quid. No wait, that doesn't make a blind bit of difference. 

There's a difference at these places now, I reckon. Such is the overweaning desire to be wealthy and to be seen to be wealthy, football grounds are now inhabited by an upper class that's there for the circus of it, rather than for the love. I don't doubt they feel committed, but it's not in their bones. It's in their wallets. David Cameron doesn't know who he supports but he has to support someone. West Ham Villa. Arse. 

Supporting your cash-strapped local club and wishing it well, as I do the Boro at Brentford, is a pathetic act of collusion in Hope over Expectation. But it's also an act of community and faith and devotion, and while that has not been entirely undermined by the Premier League's inordinate riches, it has changed match-going into what can only be called flagrant exploitation. 

When Hull feel it's okay to massively overcharge visiting fans, you have to ask what are we here for? 

At the bottom of the table, of course, are the underlings. Plucky, resolute, honest and hard-working, these fine fellows tirelessly plug away, occasionally shafting one of the big boys with a surprise victory: Burnley v Citeh; Leicester v United. 

But these are weird aberrations, like when the Lib Dems win a by-election (I'm not holding my breath by the way). When it comes to the big decisions, the wider picture, we're still looking in through the glass windows, counting the chandeliers and wishing we could all own a palace one day. 

Cheerier folk than me point to Bournemouth's success, achieved through consistency of selection, faith in a manager, canny budgeting and no little flair. It's a feelgood story through and through - unless you support Norwich - and yet all they're doing is spending a few months in the big house and hoping they'll be allowed to stay. 

Chelsea's victory was deserved, yes, but it was boring because, when any one of those obscene bastions of wealth and privilege wins, the inevitability of it is what's strikes home hardest. And here's where it differs from the election, We have a chance to change things, a little bit any road, every five years. That's what we've done. Voted to make it worse. Deliberately. 

And as every fan of a football club that's won bugger-all for bloody ages can tell you, there's a very peculiar masochism in that. I think, sometimes, that we all need serious counselling.

254 comments:

  1. Cheer up, Boro are winning! The election result may not be to your liking, but it is democratic, billions of people in the world don't have that luxury...

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    1. Yes... democratic... representative democracy, of a sort. Parliamentary, I believe. Or is it alimentary?

      As for billions of people not having that luxury, at most 100,000 people around the world have the money to matter. The rest of us just pretend, which is enough to keep us happy. And by happy, I mean either blissfully ignorant or joyously peeved that our votes "don't count" unless "we" win.

      On a related note, how about Mourinho to replace Blatter at FIFA?

      Delete
  2. It's the life of a football fan to be miserable Robbo.

    To quote John Cleese in Clockwise...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfnhmuZ27eQ

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  3. Great blog. Wee silver lining is that the championship is far better to watch than the premier shite. And cheaper. Don't actually know why clubs go up as from what I can see our is usually a recipe for future bankruptcy.

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  4. 5 more depressing years of the blue meanies and no not Chelsea. My fellow country men are obviously cunts. Concerned for my boys as the slash and burn policies hit schools and colleges hard. Ed was a bit shit though want he. Whoever leads labour next please let him or her not be such an open goal for the tabloids and their disgusting sneer and smear tactics.

    Snowplough as my predictive text calls him, or Abramovitch will be happy. Also that sinister Bond villain who has taken over at Bournemouth. They can continue to steal from the Russian people with impunity and launder the money here by taking over a mediocre club. It stinks it really does and the apex of English aspiration seems to have become can we get away with it.

    2/3 of the English always vote against this scumball conspiracy and the only way out of it is electoral reform. And if it means we lose the kleptocrat nondoms and English football goes back to being average, I am willing to pay that price. Seeing man city back in the championship, Chelsea in the midtable stoke city/west ham no mans land and Bournemouth (ground capacity 14000) in the conference, where they truly belong, will just be an added bonus

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    1. We had a referendum on electoral reform and the UK voted overwhelmingly against it as we don't want weak coalition governments withe the Greens, SNP, UKIP etc.

      The last Labour government was crap and the Tories have more working class cabinet members than Red Ed's mates did under Blair and Brown. The economy has picked up over the last few years and will continue to do so. Ask FBH what Labour have ever done for Teesside - Nowt. Even Nissan was the result of Tory policies and they are the North East's biggest creator of jobs with themselves and supply chain led businesses.

      Would love to see Brentford, Swindon and Southend up but think Norwich will prove strongest in the end and if Swindon defend like last night it won't be them either

      Delete
  5. Good stuff Robbo, congrats on the first leg. eh up lads. 37% of the country voted for the government, not a landslide victory then, something not quite right there. Even in the USA the President usually gets 48%+. It's like when me and my kids voted on where to out to dinner, I'd always win with 33 1/3rd % because I had the car keys. All that happened to change things was they eventually got their own cars!

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    Replies
    1. Don't be obtuse... the USA has a two party system so majorities are possible. The rest of the democratic world realises that there are more than two binary opposites possible in life; that there are gradations of opinion, so there are more than two possibilities for whom to vote and, thus, coalitions and leaderships that are not represented by the majority of voters are acceptable alternatives. Given the gridlock of American politics, maybe the USA should explore more parties. Unlike La Liga and Serie A, at least the BPL has more than two pretenders to the league championship, so glory in that Robbo and quit the Boro griping - very second division of you!

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    2. We realize there are gradations of opinion. There's ours, which is 100% right, and many, many shades of wrong.

      Delete
    3. obtuse? That's a different angle. Libertarian, Green or Constitution? More parties don't need to be explored, they already exist, they would just need some fuckers to vote for them. In fact, if all the folks eligible to vote that don't, got off their asses and voted for Mickey Mouse, Mickey would be the new leader of the free world.

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    4. If I wanted a Mickey Mouse president, I would vote Republican.

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    5. Have to be Daffy not to.

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    6. Trotts don't all voters in the US have to register as either Democrat or Republican which would make getting another political party off the ground quite challenging

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    7. In many states, citizens registering to vote may declare an affiliation with a political party.[24] This declaration of affiliation does not cost money, and does not make the citizen a dues-paying member of a party. A party cannot prevent a voter from declaring his or her affiliation with them, but it can refuse requests for full membership. In some states, only voters affiliated with a party may vote in that party's primary elections. Declaring a party affiliation is never required. Some states, including Georgia, Michigan, Minnesota, Virginia, Wisconsin, and Washington, practice non-partisan registration

      Delete
  6. 5 more depressing years of the blue meanies and no not Chelsea. My fellow country men are obviously cunts. Concerned for my boys as the slash and burn policies hit schools and colleges hard. Ed was a bit shit though want he. Whoever leads labour next please let him or her not be such an open goal for the tabloids and their disgusting sneer and smear tactics.

    Snowplough as my predictive text calls him, or Abramovitch will be happy. Also that sinister Bond villain who has taken over at Bournemouth. They can continue to steal from the Russian people with impunity and launder the money here by taking over a mediocre club. It stinks it really does and the apex of English aspiration seems to have become can we get away with it.

    2/3 of the English always vote against this scumball conspiracy and the only way out of it is electoral reform. And if it means we lose the kleptocrat nondoms and English football goes back to being average, I am willing to pay that price. Seeing man city back in the championship, Chelsea in the midtable stoke city/west ham no mans land and Bournemouth (ground capacity 14000) in the conference, where they truly belong, will just be an added bonus

    ReplyDelete
  7. Over here in America, we have unprecedented job growth, the stock market at an all-time high, and more access to health care, yet in the mid-term elections, Republi-no-we-can'ts won big. My state (Minnesota) is prospering, yet the governor of neighboring Wisconsin, who is running his state like a third-world country, is considered a serious presidential candidate. "Citizens" United allows those who wish to buy elections to do so by spending amounts that will eventually break the average citizens pooling their nickels and dimes (like OFA) to fight them. Normal folks already can't afford justice in the USA - pretty sure that soon we won't be able to afford democracy, either.

    Still - love that footy! Everton-Sunderland, what a cracker of a game. We won the possession battle, and that 's all that matters. Never mind not being able to hit the target - we play Jose's "football from the moon," we don't need goals.

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    1. Most societies Theodor history have been dominated by a greedy elite with their fingers on the levers of power who get away with it because the rest of us are rio busy talking about football/jousting/the circus Maximus. In this sense, the perpetuation of exploitation and unfreedom in the uk is largely down to Robbo Robson

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    2. Robbo, Santa Claus, and religion. The true trinity, the mightiest opiates of the masses that numb our nuts as the surgeon of the 1% slices through our vas deferens (or soul, close enough) and renders us functionally impotent while allowing preserving us the pleasure of preening, posturing, and pretending. (NB: BHB & Co., substitute the appropriate lady parts.)

      A toast to the lies we love: may your team win the match, your child smile, and your mind be at ease... as long as my team win the silverware, my child is more successful, and my god(s) are the right one(s).

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    3. Thanks Stephen, a mate of mine has the surname Vass and youve given me a new way of insulting him hehe

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  8. What is so different to when the PL was created. There were a few rich clubs that were going to fight it out at the top. Un**ed being the richest club with the best manager won year in year out. We all admired Ferguson but hated him for being such a smug git. The nouveau riche clubs are obscenely rich, that seems to me to be the difference.

    Had a chuckle while in Cubao yesterday. Some guy was running down the road as if his life depended on him getting to when he was going ten minutes ago. I overheard some other guy say to his mate "There goes Mayweather!"

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  9. Liverpool can't freakin win anything. We're now losing the "Get out of Europa Cup" to both Spurs and Saints, both of whom are doing their darndest to not get a point.

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  10. Arsenal determined to come 4th

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    1. And just as a follow up, the reason I can't stand the guy is exemplified by his criticism of Gary Monk's side assembled on a relative shoestring for "not playing completely". It suggests that he, Wenger, the specialist in failure, is the only one who really plays football "completely" and these other sides who keep beating him are almost cheating. What.a loser. He's such a loser he can't see why he is. Well done Gary Monk.

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    2. As a Gooner I have to fully agree with you. Swansea were well organised and played their plan to the letter. I don't know why Arsene can't accept that AND BLOODY LEARN that there is more than one way to skin a cat. On another day we could have beaten Swansea (is that some kind of bird?) out of sight but not on Monday.
      Rastafairy

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  11. I lent a friend of mine £10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don’t know what he looks like

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  12. Farewell Stevie G you had some great moments with Liverpool winning games and trophies single handedly but never quite that good for England and your shouldn't have punched that dj but a nation will mark you're passing with regret, like that of Deidre Barlow but let's put it into perspective, it's not as if we're losing Mr Burns, Ned Flanders, Kent Brockman, Dr Julius Hibbert, Scratchy, Lenny, Reverend Lovejoy, Otto, Kang the Extratrerrestrial, Dr Marvin Monroe, Dewey Largo, Police Officer Eddie, Radioactive Man, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Judge Roy Snyder, occasional-Maggie Simpson, Jebediah Springfield, Rainer Wolfcastle, Lion Tamer Ernst, Birchibald T Barlow, Jasper Beardly, State Controller Atkins, Student Benjamin, Marty from KBBL Radio, unspecified Happy Little Elf, Herman Mermann, Sanjay Nashaspeemepetlion, Elderly Barber, Reporter Dave Shutton and Dr J. Loren Pryor…

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    1. It's just me and you on here blog...
      I'm sure the Simpson will do a kool-aid episode to kill those characters off then a Dallas one to bring them all back.
      Rastafairy (voiced by Harry Shearer)

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    2. I'm used to talking to myself anyway, Rastafairy. If Robbo gives up I'll just scribble this stuff down and post it without a stamp to "To whom it may concerned".

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    3. They said they were going to recast the characters and not kill them off.

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  13. As Mr Burns saya "I'd give it all up......for just a little more"

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  14. woah, hold up. Big game tonight, the game before the richest game in football!

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  15. "I'd like to buy the world some Coke..."
    --Unnamed Premier League footballer
    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/32755755

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    Replies
    1. For shame, Stephen! We have to help these poor unfortunates. I mean, don't they know cocaine is passe in this day and age? Somebody get that kid some heroin, so he'll be in fashion!

      And the rest of you - how are YOU helping Premier League Footballers to avoid embarrassing themselves with ghastly expensive cars, horrid expensive WAGs, and garish expensive 'fashion?' We need to think of those who make a lot more money than us - they need our help! The election was a start...

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  16. congratulations Robbo, FBH and the Boro faithful!

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  17. Shane Long beats Shay Given for a cracking long-range goal and Southampton are up 5-0...in the first half? I don't think Tim Sherwood is laughing now.

    Happy for you, RR - one step taken, another to go. Up the Boro!

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  18. LAGalaxy have allegedly had a change of heart, said you can keep him in Liverpool.

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  19. Stevie-Geebies: The uncomfortable anxiety one feels upon realizing there is no replacing a local one-(English-)club legend.

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  20. Nice blog RR.

    Money in the PL is obscene, the relegated clubs probably earn more then the chmpions get here in the Ere Divisie, Burnley rake in more cah then PSV or Ajax, that's insane. Clubs like QPR who get about 15 supporters (ground capacity) in evey other week has an abudence of players earning a ton a week. Madness, big money has completly ruined the game.

    I kow it might sound a bit wierd coming from me, a supporter of one of the richest clubs, but Arsenal were my local team, and I'd wager that I lived a lot closer to our home ground then a great percentage of youse that support your local team, unless you abide in a tent under the makeshift stand at Ramshackle FC or whatever it's called.

    I've always supported the local team here in NL too. FOr the last few years I lived in North NL, the closist team being AZ, I had a club card/season ticket, even though I wasn't really what you would call a regular attendee, the card cost around 220 euris, a fraction of the price I shelled out to go and see Arsenal take on Palace for the seasons opener.Now I'm back in the region of The Hague so I'll be reporting to the ADO Stadium next term. Will they win anything? Will they fuck. But as most match going supporters wil tell you, it's more about the journey then the destination.

    I don't wish to sound condescending, but I believe that if I supported one of the average sized UK clubs, I think I'd prefer to be in the Championship. A much more open league without all the ridiculousness that is part and parcel of today's PL. The worst aspect of the whole big Top Circus is the predictability of it all. Arsenal get slated for finishing 4th season upon season, but that's their par. There are three clubs with bigger budgets and they inevitably will finish above them. The only real shock would be if Citeh or the Chavs didn't win it, with the money they've laid out. And before some smart arse chav chimes in with Chelsea's net spend transfer dealings, that's bollox, you sold a bunch of players you got in before FFP kicked in, it wasn't a master stroke, it was free money.

    This season will end in a whimper and it will be forgotten pretty quickly as it wasn't really much to get excited about, unless of course you are a supporter of one of those teams that have managed to break through to the big league next year.

    In yhay case, congratulations, but prepare yourselves for a season of defeats and the odd victory after which you'll be patronised be all the god awful pundits, or even worse, be labled "PLucky".

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  21. Blogidy.

    Agree about Wenger moaning, makes us all look like twonks.

    Swansea played us like a fiddle. Shut us out, nulllified our attack and hit us with the old rope a dope. Very solid performance, and I have a lot of respect for what Mr Monk has achieved there. Losing their best player to Citeh's bench was a blow, but he's dealt with it admirably.

    Stop whining Arsene and show a little more grace in defeat.

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    Replies
    1. I agree with your agreement H. Monk is a top guy working on a restricted budget-he had a low flying playing career but learned a lot from people like martinez and laudrup as coaches and he talks in terms of discipline and principles. He also has 3 kids under the age of 3 and to me seems twice the man Wenger is. Whether he becomes a better coach remains to be seen but it's possible.

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  22. You make some good points, H - I am a supporter of my local club, NSC Minnes- I mean, Minnesota Stars FC- no, that's not it, either. Minnesota United FC - the Loons. We've been in the North American Soccer League, but I kind of dread going into MLS in a couple of years. First, because the league is a bit shit. Second, it's not on merit, it's that the league decided to expand, and we're in a good place that can support a team and expand the league's economy. Third, despite all the name changing, they've been pretty successful and even have a bit of silverware. In MLS, the major market teams, who can buy the best players, will probably bury us...

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  23. that's all well and good but how are the pies?

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    1. This being the US of A, Trotts, we do the thing right: We got both kinds - Apple AND Cherry!

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  24. can't make this shit up….. Wembley officials have apologised to Middlesbrough fans for misspelling their team's name on tickets for the Championship play-off final.
    Tickets for Monday's game with Norwich called the club 'Middlesborough'.

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    1. Imagine Phil Jones' face when he realised.

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    2. main thing is, they're there. Worawanka probably doesn't give a toss about spelling.

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  25. Sterling..greedy cunt.
    Pietersen..egotistical cunt.
    Fabregas..stupid cunt.
    Tories..cunts.
    Cunts everywhere.

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  26. Byron Shorttrouser19 May 2015 at 21:21

    I went to the doctor 'cause I had a bit of lettuce leaf sticking out of my ear. He took one look and said it was serious and I'd have to go straight to hospital as it was just the tip of the iceberg.

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    1. Worse yet, I don't think you're eating right.

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  27. See if you can guess which twice-banned-for-doping sportsman said this extremely poignant (read ridiculously self-unaware) statement:

    "I'm not the kind of guy to cheat people of their money or let the fans down ... that's not what I do."

    Rastafairy

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    Replies
    1. ¿Maradonna?

      Or that guy who's name I can't remember and was in the news recently with a second doping ban. Just guessing, I'm crap at the "who said this" and "where and when on what railway was this taken" games.

      One might have guessed Sepp Blatter in reference to the WC in Qatar, had there been no mention of doping bans.

      Cheers,
      ~74

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    2. Justin Gatlin.

      Rastafairy

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  28. Ronaldo finishes the season with more goals than we've had comments on this blog in the 2+ weeks since it was posted.

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    Replies
    1. everybody's on edge pending the paly-off final. I for one, am shaking so much I can barely type.

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  29. So it all boils down to today in the PL and as endings go this is as damp a squib as can be imagined.

    Only games of any merit are the Hull and Newcastle fixtures, only shame is that they can't both be relegated. Newcastle for the pure hilarity of it and Hull because, well, they are Hull.

    Carver has been god awful, although I kinda want them to stay up so that Shearer will remain in memory as the last man that got them relegated. What I can't fathom is the praise that Bruce gets, I keep hearing all the pundits vomiting on about how he is such a good manager.... Bollox.... He pissed over 42 mill away on transfers this season yet he's still in the bottom three, in what universe does that make him a "good manager"?

    Enjoy the damp squib folkes.

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  30. Arsenal doing okay. Theo hatrick means he's gonna want more money again. ;)

    Liverpool 5-0 down to Stoke, bye bye Stevie G.....

    You might have to take Brentan with ya.

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    1. And the first 11, the subs and the rest of the coaching staff. Here's the plan - get a new coach, new players in and let them take a season or two to gel. Oh no hang on, we tried that. Better still, fire the coach and bring on a former legend who has indeed won the PL as a coach. Nope, we've tried that too haven't we. I give up, bring back Rafa. If nothing else, he should be good for a few laughs.

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    2. There's some talk that Rafa is going to be taking over at Real Madrid. I THINK it's not from parody news websites....

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  31. I think Drogba got a bit carried away...

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  32. Very clear message Brendan gave Sterling by leaving him on the bench..'look, we're really shit without you, please don't go or ill lose my job'

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  33. Bruce, Hughes, Robson, Keane, that jolly fellah with the brolly (name escapes me), the short guy who was very quick (name escapes me, begins with a C I think) all tried to emulate their ex boss but failed miserably yet all were hailed (with the exception of Robson) as showing a lot of promise as managers. It was the Un**ed thing; like all English players in the Un**ed team played for England yet many of them would have struggled to hold their place in many PL teams. The pundits all got wet when anything Un**ed was mentioned.

    Had a chuckle in Cubao the other day. A guy was running as though his life depended on getting where he was going five minutes ago and some guy close to me said to his mate "There goes Mayweather."

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  34. Replies
    1. We could replace Rodgers but the fundamental problems at lfc will remain.Unless a Russian or Arab billionaire comes in with a crapload of cash to buy world class players, not potential, and pay them handsome wages I'm sad to say lfc are as dead as fried chicken. And before someone says Atletico, yeah they did it without money, we came close last year. Happens once or twice in a decade. It's the exception, not the rule.

      The reason we bought 8 players for a $120 mil instead of 2 or 3 for the same cost, is not that we wanted only potential, but more so we didn't want to pay the wages that a $40 mil player would want.

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  35. Unlucky Boro, but to be honest, you were never really in it.

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  36. Congratulations Norwich on instantly becoming next years favorites to go down.

    Unless Carver keeps his job.

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  37. Hard luck Boro. Automatic next year (with the mighty Trotters of course).

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  38. Sorry, Robbo and the Boro! What's the phrase? Wait 'til next year!

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  39. and congratulations Mr. Bojangoals on the big Robbo league & Jacks league double!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. I'm throwing my hat in the ring for the Real Madrid job.

      Delete
  40. Raheem Sterling is having a press conference on Tuesday. It is expected he will announce who is to be the next Liverpool Manager.

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    1. Brenda isn't even funny. He's a dour David Brent. I like my incompetent mangers to be funny, like big Sam, Brolly McLaren or little warnock.

      Unlucky Boro but Norwich are a rich premier league set up and any club outside the gilded elite with parachute payments is going to struggle unless they have a sinister Russian billionaire onside.

      Speaking of Bournemouth, I hear their decrepit and minuscule fan base will have to travel by bus piss and mobility scooter all the way to Southampton to play. I can't be bothered to check how near that is to Bournemouth but I look forward to port vale going premiership hosting home games at the San siro at sinew point in the near future.

      Delete
    2. Bus piss is about right. It's a long way for them you know

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    3. is there a chocolate factory in Southampton?

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    4. you shower have lost me again.

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    5. Milk, milk, lemonade...

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    6. Milk, milk, lemonade...

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  41. I don't understand the Real Madrid logic. They fire the guy who won La Decima, the Club World Cup and the Spanish Cup last year, finished second by 2 points this year and replace him with the dude who couldn't get Napoli in a CL spot in Serie A ???

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    1. yep, it's not like Rafa's gonna bring about the demise of Barthewona.

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    2. Not even the club president understands the logic - asked what was the problem with the manager he had just sacked he said "I don't know".
      Rastafairy

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  42. http://www.wsj.com/articles/u-s-prepares-criminal-indictment-alleging-corruption-at-soccer-body-fifa-1432698994?mod=e2fb

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, the world's football/soccer powerhouse that is the USA gets on the act in order to clean up the mess...

      SashPie

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    2. Brilliant comment from John Oliver: "There are now some allegations that Fifa executives took bribes to put the World Cup in Qatar. And I hope that’s true. Because otherwise it makes literally no sense."


      Jedi

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    3. Thanks Jedi. I'm saving up for a World Cup here in Canada. I think at the current rate I'll be able to afford the correct bribe by 2094.

      I always read Robbo but rarely comment.
      BC Baggie.

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  43. "Corruption endemic in Fifa". Other news stories: Pope Catholic, Bears defecate in forested areas, football managers sacked for not winning everything etc. etc.

    Spider

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  44. You mean that movie United Passions (which I first thought was Wayne Rooney/gran porn) lied to me about ol' Honest Sepp?

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  45. I just realized that the UCI Road World Championships will be in my new backyard. Almost literally. They'll be held in Richmond, Virginia, and while one of the courses runs behind the building where I'll be working, all of them pass within a block or so of my new home, and the start/finish and Fan Fest are a few blocks from home, too. I've been to a couple Tour of Utah stages, but I never cared all that much. Might as well care for a week or so, I suppose, as it will be unavoidable. It isn't the Champs D'Elysee, but it is home.

    Robbo, I know you cover all sports equally, so if you need a host while you're in town, let me know.

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    1. yeah, we should have a fantasy cycling league in Summer!

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    2. no shit, another bright idea stolen before I even had it.

      Delete
  46. I'm expecting the News International defence from FIFA of a few rotten apples,blah blah blah,followed by a continuation of the usual brown envelopes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you, Jacks. Bladder's responses indicate no level of anxiety whatsoever: "There are no investigations...." "We welcome these investigations..." Translation: "I don't give a shit what you people are doing."

      Delete
  47. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-32923104

    There it is,the nothing to do with me defence.

    ReplyDelete
  48. All of this could have been avoided if Fifa had just given the WC to the US.

    No one out corrupts America and gets away with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They like it this way, H, they can undermine Putin whilst actually being in the right, for once. Either Don Blatter wins, and there's a fair chance uefa boycott 2018, or he losses, in which case there's a fair chance 2018+2022 get a re run. There's outage over FIFA in the UK, had been for years now, and it would be nice to see the French and Germans and Spanish showing some moral principals. What's opinion in Holland.

      Delete
    2. The Dutch has been pretty vocal against Blatter. In fact Michael van Prague ex Ajax and Dutch F.A chairman entered into the elections to run against him.

      "I'm very worried about the deteriorating situation at FIFA. The public opinion, the trustworthiness, is very bad, and with me a lot of people in the world believe so."
      That's a quote from back in Januari.

      Unfortunatly he withdrew his candidacy.

      Delete
  49. Very depressing to read footy news this week. And I'm talking about the 'Balotelli to stay at Liverpool' report.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Wouldn't it be hilarious if Balotelli ended up sitting next to Joey Barton on the Liverpool bench next year? That would be a very cruel but entertaining twist of fate.

    ~74

    ReplyDelete
  51. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/liverpool/11635476/Heysel-disaster-of-1985-is-footballs-forgotten-tragedy-and-Liverpool-and-Juventus-minimal-reaction-prolongs-hurt.html

    ReplyDelete
  52. does Sepp Blatter also count the votes at FIFA elections?

    ReplyDelete
  53. Old Sepp has just said in his campaign to continue as head of World football: "I will set up a football department..."
    Brilliant.

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  54. Arsenal were magic in the cup today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Timmy was in his cups by the end of it.

      Delete
  55. Watched the final through a drunken haze in a bar in Brussels. Only one team in it. Credit to arsenal. They're still missing that world class striker. Walcott is no thierry, I know he wants to be. Villa were pretty poor I thought. but then what do I know, I've got alcohol poisoning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. were you due to deliver another speech to the EU Parliament today, Blog?

      Delete
  56. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/fifa/11642661/Fifa-crisis-Jack-Warner-cites-satirical-article-from-The-Onion-to-blast-US.html

    ReplyDelete
  57. I googled Sepp Blatter and of course there was a wiki entry for him. My belief that honours are usually given to fuckwits was proven when I
    discovered that no less than 29 countries had presented him with various awards. The "Humane Order of African Redemption" from Liberia
    (obviously for bribes taken), the "Grand Officer, Order of the Throne" from Morocco (his reign has been pretty shithouse hasn't it) and the
    "Order of Prince Yaroslav the Wise, Grade V" from Ukraine (this one comes with the bar of "Irony") to name a few. He has also been awarded
    the American Global Award for Peace, the title of "International Humanitarian of the Year" and the "Golden Charter of Peace and
    Humanitarianism" from the International Humanitarian League for Peace and Tolerance. Unbelievable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He got my vote for Biggest Douche in the Universe.

      Delete
    2. Did it list Starfire's COTY awards 2010 - 2012?

      Delete
  58. With FIFA's seemingly discredited in European and N American eyes and the muted boycott on the cards, aren't we heading for / sleepwalking into the professional boxing situation - four different federations, each with their own 'World Champion' and a belt; WBA,WBC,IBF, WBO... sounds like Peoples' Palestine Liberation Front... Imagine American style franchised World Cup(s), or better: 'World Series'!
    The problem with FIFA is that the 'corruption' appears to be endemic and so deeply rooted there's no way of getting Blatter out, by legal means - like with Mugabe, one can only wait for the beloved leader to kick the bucket and then hope for the anarchy to settle down...
    SashPie

    ReplyDelete
  59. I refuse to comment on here until Robbo writes a new blog

    The contrary Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  60. How to fuck up 3 hopeful careers in 5 minutes. It wouldn't really make any sense to allow a group of professional footballers to be in possession of video recording apparatus on a hike through Grasmere, but on an end of season trip to Thailand???? questions really should be asked.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Before they removed them, they must have been wearing their Bad Idea jeans.

    Speaking of bad ideas, whose was it to take the squad to Thailand in the first place? Or put video recorders in phones?

    ReplyDelete
  62. Bad Idea Jeans, laughs.

    FYI:

    http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/bad-idea-jeans/n9937

    ~74

    ReplyDelete
  63. Someone actually managed to get Blatter to go? Unbelievable, I never thought I'd live long enough. The US obviously found where the bodies were hidden.

    ReplyDelete
  64. It was probably along the gangster line of, "I'm not taking the rap for this, you fat pig, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me." Either that or someone's threatened to print a picture of him shaking hands with Rolf Harris, Jimmy Saville etc.. This has to be the start. FIFA has to be restructured to eradicate the bung culture so that you can't buy an election by bribing (apologies, Blatter has NEVER bribed anyone - he has said so) I mean offering "reciprocal arrangements" to bolster football in emerging countries.

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
  65. Sepptic Blatter removal date set. Here's to hoping the surgery is a success and FIFA makes a successful recovery. Not sure what that entails, but cutting out that cancer is a step in the right direction.

    ReplyDelete
  66. And now Benitez confirmed as Madrid coach. Not sure which of the two news items from today is more shocking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's hope for Brenda yet!

      Delete
    2. Sadly, he has not been given the old heave-ho. A combination of his style of management and FSG's purchasing power will never work.

      Delete
  67. Three pieces of good news today - our Blatter has let go, Brenda is saved, and Rafa will be on the receiving end of Jose's mind games as soon as Real play Chelski again...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forgot to mention Newcastle's determination to win relegation next season. The new manager is the jolly brolly wally.

      Delete
  68. Wonder who will replace Rafa after next season.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Rafa's is appreciated as he should be in Spain. They recognise his true worth as a manager, unlike the media-manipulated thicko public over here.
    His two title wins with Valencia rank amongst the greatest managerial achievements of modern times. Hard to think of anything that compares; perhaps Clough winning the title with Derby & Forest, although provincial teams had more of a chance back then. Genius though - probably like winning the Prem with Spurs, that's how unlikely those Valencia title wins were.
    Also hard to imagine anyone else could have won a Champs Lge with a team containing the likes of Traore, Biscan etc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rafa is, not Rafa's.
      Grammar of an English pro footballer, tsk.

      Delete
  70. If the events of the past week aren't enough to elicit a blog out of Robbo, I fear the end is nigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never mind FIFA scandal, where's the Women's World Cup preview? Maybe he's waiting for Wiggo's hour record attempt...

      Delete
  71. Back in the nick of time to find out I am a media-manipulated thicko -:) as opposed to general thicko , especially when it comes to FFL

    Well nearly wine time on a Friday so have good weekend everyone

    ReplyDelete
  72. Helluva finish to the US-Netherlands match. Dutch up 3-1 after 53mins, USA score at 71, 89, and 90.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very suspicious. Sepp should immediately investigate

      Delete
    2. Are you kidding? Sepp personally phoned the Dutch and told them to lose. Trying to take some heat off...

      Delete
    3. He promised them $5 mil to not sue layer.

      Delete
  73. Replies
    1. You're Dino Zoff.

      This from the mad geordie genius, Gazza :

      Once Zoff said Blatter was coming. He wanted us on time in the Lazio suit. I turned up 30 minutes later in a Santa Claus outfit. I sat next to Blatter and said: ‘Hello, I’m Santa, ho, ho, ho.’ The security wanted to get rid of me and Zoff wasn’t happy and made me train morning and afternoon for a week.

      Delete
  74. Piers Morgan is a cunt9 June 2015 at 21:27

    You're a fish.

    G

    ReplyDelete
  75. for police.

    H (or do we take that one as our Dutch correspondent?)

    ReplyDelete
  76. ..knew a lady from Amsterdam....

    J

    ReplyDelete
  77. Its a shame this blog is so dead. Would have loved robbos thoughts on recent results and scandals.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Kennedyi Calochortus

    It's not dead.

    In Nov 2004 it rained in Death Valley.

    In Feb 2005 the valley was carpeted in Spring flowers.

    L

    ReplyDelete
  79. (mind you when we get to Z we're in deep shit)

    ReplyDelete
  80. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllll

    m

    ReplyDelete
  81. My, my, myyy-yi-yi-WOO! Muh-muh-muh-myyy Sharona (or Bologna, if you prefer Weird Al)

    N

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love Weird Al ,Scott.A master of his craft.


      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcJjMnHoIBI

      Delete
  82. Nena Ninety Nine Red Balloons or 99 Luftballons if you prefer.

    O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. pal fruits,made to make your mouth water.

      P

      Delete
    2. You're all Port Vale fans

      Delete
    3. Strewth! Wales beat Belgium!

      T

      Delete
    4. Thick as shit, dick wie Sheibe, spais que la merde, dik als shit, spessa come la merda, makapal na bilang ng tae

      U

      Delete
    5. Unforgettable, that's what you are...

      V

      Delete
  83. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  84. also a shit film about a shit president.

    X

    ReplyDelete
  85. Was a good film about Malcolm with Denzel.


    Y

    ReplyDelete
  86. You don't think Robbo moved to Twitter for good, do you?

    Z

    ReplyDelete
  87. is for Zebedee.


    BOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG

    ReplyDelete
  88. Nailed on certs. Euro Champs 2016 : INGERLAND

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can't fool me, Trotts - your so-called "Ingerland" is just England in a false moustache.

      Delete
    2. http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/18033/fathers-day-tash-anyone

      Delete
  89. Replies
    1. you've inspired me to get a new dart board

      Delete
  90. http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33224243

    Usual rubbish rumour-led article we get this time of year. Can't people just crack on and make bids so that we know who's going where rather than all this endless speculation.

    And can't someone meet Sterling off the jet with a Citeh Contract and a drugs test to administer after he's been transferred so they can waste £50M on someone who then gets a 12 month ban

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And the window hasn't even officially begun yet. If you believe everything you read, Spurs, Liverpool & Man U will end up with about 55 players each.

      As for Sterling, I'd much rather he sit on City's bench for 12 months than get banned. Or even better, suffer the same fate as the last player we sold for $50 mil.

      Delete
  91. German women win on penalties. If England women lose on penalties, parity achieved.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Petr Cech joins gunners. A great signing but for me 10 mil is a tad expensive for a 33 year old, even a 33 year old goalkeeper. Better news; Jones signs new deal which keeps him at Un**ed another four years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 10 mil spread over 4 or 5 years is nowt, they got 135 mil from TV this season, be interesting to see how they spend the other 125.

      Delete
    2. Let's see, half on 16 year old's with a promising future that we never hear of again, quarter on French strikers that we sell of half price three years down the road, the remaining quarter on near fucking useless centre halfs... that should coverr it.

      Delete
    3. And you still finish 2nd. Now that's impressive. And this is coming from a Man United fan.

      Delete
  93. Please Leicester get Neil Lennon so we can beg Big Sam to come back!

    ReplyDelete
  94. England women outdo men, trump penalty exit for World Cup.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Hand of God, meet Foot of Fate

    ReplyDelete
  96. According to astrologists, Venus entered Leo on July 4. I can only assume there was a marital aid involved. Oh Christ, Robbo, post something!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Was going to say Messi, as he's sometimes called Leo. Then was further going to imagine the wonder athlete that would be produced by mating Messi with Williams, but then realized that Serena would probably be preferred. Thus, a joke was cut down in its prime. As is all too often, it was a victim of someone just not thinking it through.

      My condolences to its family.

      Delete
    3. it also wouldn't be appropriate to go anywhere near anything not quite politically correct on Robbo's blog!

      Delete
  97. Ah! what a time to be alive! England on top v the old enemy in the cricket, honorary Englishman Froome leading the TdF and the honorary-until-he-loses-at-which-point-he-reverts-to-being-Jock Enlgishman whatsisname, you know who I mean, the miserable jock geezer, up against the effete aesthete Roger hullo sky! hullo flowers! Federer at the snobbiest sporting event on earth (including the. Eton wallgame, Ladies day at Ascot, the CHalfont St Giles golf tournemant and the Dubai royalty-only Polo league)

    ReplyDelete