Monday, 21 September 2015

The Costa Crime

For just once, I'd like to write about something other than Chelsea. I'd like it to be about pig's head and posh knobs. But this is a sports blog. And there are no jokes left on the subject of pulled pork.

So I'll keep this brief. Diego Costa is dickhead. There. Done.

Dammit, there is more to say. I'm with Keown on this... and every time I see his ghoulish face, the eyes hidden beneath a brow that protrudes like the lip of some forbidding cliff, I think I'd never dare to disagree with Martin ... but it's the trying-to-get-others-in-trouble shit that really gets under your skin.

We've all been on school pitches or playgrounds when some infuriating twot bleats out "Sir, sir! Robson trod on my foot, sir!" (All right, pedants, your name might not be Robson, but you get my point.) And it'll be the same twot who's been wittering in your ear all morning about the dubious provenance of your family or the sexual orientation of your father. Costa is that. A friendless nark. A tick but with less of a moral compass.

There's another thing that irritates me too - the fact that pundits like to praise him as a player. As if we can somehow separate footballing ability from his propensity to dump fellow pros in it whenever he can. That 'orrible wiggle of the imaginary card at the referee... it makes me want to crush that hand in a vice.

If it were me - and let's hope one day that it is - I would be tying the snub-nosed conman to a chair and slapping him around the face with damp trout until he promises never to do it again. I'm sure there are some muppets around the football world who'll tell you that he'd be half the player without that bit of the devil in him. Good. Let's keep the good half and lob the rest of him into a wheelie bin.

Only his manager, of course, the overseer of all things and an apostle of the Law that states that We Win First and debate later, he, Mourinho, thinks the Brazilian-Spaniard bruiser was the man of the match. Yes. Pretty soon there'll be a category on your Premier League Top Trumps that says 'Nuisance Value'. 

Even teammate Kurt Zouma suggested Costa 'likes to cheat a lot'. Kurt has since put it down to English not being his first language. But I'd just like to reassure the lad that he's using it with great precision at the moment.

It may be the beautiful game but there sure are some ugly buggers thriving right now.

None of this is to let Wenger and his players off the hook. Clearly he's no angel, Gabriel. Just as Santi is no saint. But neither particularly deserved a red card and it made a big difference in a game that Chelsea were desperate to win, especially given their parlous position. Costa's needling was part of a slightly desperate gameplan. (I was reminded of the mendacious Ronaldo wink.) But Arsenal were fools to fall for it. Utter suckers. I've already sent half the first team an email telling them how I'm stuck in Ukraine and they've taken my passport. I expect the money will come pouring in any day.

But on to more ennobling subjects. Firstly, Japan 34 South Africa 32. (This is rugby union, by the way, a game played in this country (England) by steroidal public schoolboys. Not long ago they would entertain themselves by shouted abuse at young women, throwing small people around bars and jumping into the sea from slow-moving vessels but that's all changed now. They're really top chaps, don't you know?)

Japan is not a country noted for the bulkiness of its inhabitants. Every time someone tells me of the health benefits of sushi I can't help replying that the Japanese are always eating that stuff and most of em look like they're wasting away.

Well in order to get together a rugby team that can compete against the muscular mountain ranges that pass for rugby players these days they've drafted in a few blokes from other places to help. Fact is, though, that they have mustered together a side that plays beautiful stuff: the niftiest hands since the Artful Dodger retired; feet so fast they make Fred Astaire look clompy; and all the stamina of the winner of one of them horrible Endurance gameshows their nation loves.

Now it may well be that South Africa have a bunch of players so long in the tooth that half of them have tusks. But Japan won through their own brilliance. And courage. And I don't think I was this happy to see a team win a game of rugger when England won in 2003. Indeed so far the Rugby World Cup has looked good. When it comes to my favourite sports rugby union comes somewhere between the biathlon and synchronised swimming, but a result like Japan achieved can't help but peak even the most sour of sports fan's interests.

And another thing... if Nicola Sturgeon insists on Scots getting another pop at independence could they not extend that self-sufficiency to the Davis Cup tennis team? It's fascinating that the best players of this game that we've ever produced haven't dripped out of the white-clad bore-holes of the Establishment at Play but rather from some gritty geezers from Dunblane and, 70 or 80 years earlier, Stockport. Fascinating and not coincidental.

These days the weak link in Team GB is always the Englishman but it was another exceptional effort from Andy Murray, who gets more likeable with every passing shot.

I have a problem with the Davis Cup, mind you. It's the format. It's a team competition, right? So how come one bloke can win three matches and the team wins the tie? Surely a true test of the strength and depth of the team would be if no player could play more than twice, that way avoiding the predominance of one particular player in the tie as a whole?

Obviously we'd get nowhere pretty quick, but that's not the point. A team sport should be about the team, yet Murray has single-handedly wrestled that squad through to the final.

Right now GB just need Andy (and Jamie). They might as well have me as the other player for all the difference it makes. It does not make sense.




53 comments:

  1. Second, and I read the blog - thing is, Robbo, all the big Japs are Sumo wrestlers who make Jonah Lomu look like Twiggy!

    Spider

    ReplyDelete
  2. eh up. good stuff Robbo and rapid fire, every time I log on there's a new blog, it's better than newspaper deliveries, everything of importance is touched upon and what isn't, well, it shouldn't be mentioned anyway! Did they take the rule about ungentlemanly conduct out of the rule book? Costa should get red every time he steps on the pitch. He's a scum bag, it's that simple. Hopefully he'll bite a few centrebacks soon, that should do it in the Stamford Bridge court of public opinion because the referees aint doin' shit! Aye, he likes to cheat alot is bang on. Poor lad'll probably get fined and benched for saying it like it is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. stop press: he's been charged by the FA, good!

      Delete
  3. Sumo wrestlers and ninjas ...How could they possibly lose. I find rugby fairly baffling..two minutes of exhilarating team play followed by ten minutes video analysis. Too much stop start and too many fat posh lads who can't play football for my liking

    ReplyDelete
  4. Costa.

    You for coffee?

    (as my late Grandfather used to say)

    ReplyDelete
  5. So Gabriel has had his red card rescinded, Costa's on an FA charge (and may well get a ban now) AND friggin Chelsea still have three points from the game.
    It's a funny old game ain't it?

    Rasta - never (knowingly) fucked a dead pig - fairy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could have been worse, Rasta - it could have been a dead kid. Sorry, I mean a young goat!

      Spider

      Delete
    2. Hey, I never said I hadn't done either of those.
      RF

      Delete
  6. Robbo my son been a total fan of yours since the beeb days. Makes my day when I read your blogs, witty, clever, hilarious and on the money. Keep it going son, good luck to the Boro, you'll be loving Sunderland at the moment ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  7. Brilliant stuff, as usual. QPR fan here....Boro looking like the one's to follow up this season.

    ReplyDelete
  8. \feeling all too optimistic about the Boro this season. But I predict nowt!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well played Robbo.

    Finally someone saying it how it is, Costa is a ginourmous scumbucket. I'm sick of tired of hearing crap like "gamesmanship" and "playing on the edge"....Bollox to that: he's a fucking cheat and a nasty sly twonk too.

    Actually he's perfect for a nasty piece of work like Maureen, who claimed that the Arsenal players should be able to control themselves in the heat of a derby. Sound advice from an a guy that gouged a fellow managers eye in a La Liga big game fixture.

    Not that I'm excusing Gabrial's behaviour, he got played like a fiddle, but if you're going get sent off against him then don't let it be for a sly kick, deck the fecker.

    His red card has now been rescinded and Costa has got a three match ban, well played F.A. I hope this means that his card is marked too. Way too often he has made refs look like fools and it is high time they kept a closer eye on his "antics". The downside to this will ofcourse be Maureen coming out and telling us how unjust it all is, ading fuel to his "campaign" fire. but I'll gladly suffer through that if it means that Costa has been found out.

    One more thing the F.A needs to do is have a serious look at Mike Dean, his incompetance ruined what, up until the shenanigens, was a pretty decent game, because when the dust settles and the bans have been served, the Chavs still have three points extra on the board and that is the real injustice.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Y'know, I was actually looking forward to Jo-say (can you see?) coming back, for the entertainment value, but I guess we should be careful what we wish for. Yeah, he's a smart manager, but he's just coming across as petulant now. "Just win, baby," was the motto of the Oakland Raiders of Amercian Football a few decades back. The dirtiest practitioners of an already violent game. Maybe Mo has taken his cue from the old Black and Silver. And now Eva Carneiro has refused his summons back into the fold, and there's talk of a lawsuit.

    I fear that Chelsea may be the lead in quite a few of your blogs this year, Robbo. But glad I am that you're writing them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another excellent blog from Robbo. A nice cross pond analogy with the Raiders and Chelsea as well. I'd forgotten about the Oakland Raiders 'glory days' of winning dirty.

      Cheers All

      Delete
  11. Nice mixed bag in the blog Robbo. Well covered too.

    I read that Costs is knobbled. - sorry that should read a knob end. I dislike that type of player but Mareen has loved them for years. How else would a jerk like Terry still be there. I hope he gets what he deserves.

    On the rugby you can only admire Japan. Thankfully for Scotland the second game came too soon for them. Before they tired it was a very nervy game to watch. I think they have come a very long way and will still influence the rest of the group.

    As for the tennis team Murray did well for sure. The fact that Andy is prepared to miss the end of year tournament in London to increase the chance of winning the Davis cup may even make the Wimbledon crowd support him over Federer. Maybe not though.

    Keep writing Robbo and may you get your reward in the Championship - promotion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "How else would a jerk like Terry still be there."
      Well I'm a United fan for the past couple decades and Terry is possibly the best center back I've seen... We weren't complaining when Giggs banged his brothers wife, or when Keane set out to injure other players... There's always room for forgiveness, if they play well enough!

      Delete
    2. Ok fair play on Terry's ability on the field. I should have separated his onfield talent from offield so stand corrected. You make a good point.
      I do however not like a player who sneakily winds up the opposition. Keane was a beast at times but took his cards for it which were deserved. Costa should get more cards for his and then I would not complain about it. I guess the fault lies with the refs for not booking him for his challenges enough. At least the FA did something about it, I just think it should be punished more

      Delete
  12. Very True.......Costa is a cheat.

    Even as a Chelsea supporter, he's beginning to get on my nerves. His antics at the Arsenal game were just appalling. hats off to Koscielny....he's indeed a mature guy with a big heart.

    Lest i forget.....fuck Mourinho....just this once i mean

    ReplyDelete
  13. The noose is tightening on Blatter, will Platini go down with him? Who shot JR?

    ReplyDelete
  14. It was me. My bad, I was just so pissed that Major Nelson from I Dream of Jeannie could have turned into such a dick...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Congrats to Chelsea in moving above Bournmouth and getting level with West Brom. For a while there I thought they would lose to fellow relegation strugglers Newcastle. I wonder if the league position is still false as almost 20% of the season has been played. I think by now a team is where it deserves to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Much respect to Mourinho. His comments I saw reported were a fair representation of the game. It is great to hear him telling it as it is and he has raised his stock with me at least. I liked the comment on needing more than 3 subs as he wanted to replace more. And he was also right Chelsea could have won it but as he said you cannot expect to win when you do not play for the first 45 minutes. I hope they (and the rest of the British clubs) have a successful time in Europe this week.

      Delete
    2. Chelsea didn't look as good as last week without Mike Dean in their line up.

      Delete
  16. A bit sad the Foxes run was ended. The Gunners were deserved winners though. United top of the league, and media start saying Van Gaal the genius Philosopher and whatnot. One thing I see from United's play is that, they're getting boring with that possession football stuff. Won't anyone just shoot!

    ReplyDelete
  17. As Robbo said "If it were me [as referee]..." which got me thinking...

    If you were the referee which specific player / shenanigans or whatever would you come down on like Ron Jeremt on a pair of younger breasts?

    Me, I would automatically give a card to anyone who used the excuse "I got the ball".

    I would also give a free kick to goalies when someone drags their foot to try win a penalty.

    I could go on and on and on...

    Rasta - The petulant schoolteacher kind of Referee - Fairy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What annoys me is the dissent. The blatently obvious "Fuck off you cunt" etc that ges mouthed at the officials when a decision is made. There's no way you would get away with that at a Sunday League game without being booked and fined, so why do the refs let it slide in the PL.

      The waving of imaginary cards pisses me off too, Costa did it last week even though he dived. Arsenal's Alexis does it too, mostly after getting clattered, but I still can't condone it and it actually annoys me even more as I would like to think my team would be above that. I think his team mates has had a word with him though because I haven't seen him do it (yet) this season.

      Delete
    2. that's right H and it's shocking that half the players come from foreign lands and don't even speak English. "Fuck of you cunt" is the first phrase on the first page of their English for Footballers handbook!

      Delete
    3. Unfortunately if they learn the language from footballers they think ref is "cunt" and "fuck off" means "I say old chap I didn't do nuffink right?"

      Have to say these shenanigans on the borderline of legality don't bother me much and I really enjoy watching Costa play - there's a primitive element to his approach which has survived time immemorial from when the ball was a head and the winner was sacrificed to the gods.

      No what bothers me is that utter worm crook and gangster in charge of FIFA. His latest : Yes I gave him £1.3 million but it was for legitimate work and although the work was nine years ago and the payment made immediately before Platini withdrew from the contest for FIFA Capo, I have done nothing wrong.

      Why isn't he in prison, honestly?

      Delete
    4. Surely Blatter has no way out, he's damned either way: he either knew about the FIFA underhand dealings and therefore must go for being complicit or he didn't know about the FIFA underhand dealings and therefore must go for being incompetent in charge of such large organisation (much like the former crack-head of Co-op). Not holding my breath though, FIFA is a synonym for illogical explanations that somehow get accepted.

      SashPie

      Delete
    5. Blatter, the last true Untouchable.

      He may very well tried in a court in the end, but you can bet he'll turn up in a, nurse pushed, wheelchair doning an oxygen mask like one of those old Cosa Nostra gangsters, looking to cop a plea and avoid jail time due to age and ailing health.

      Junior Soprano Blatter.

      Delete
    6. well, when Lechter's adversary was similarly situated, he got fed to the wild pigs! Hope it's televised.

      Delete
  18. Can anybody help me understand the keeper choice Arsenal made last night in the champions league. Why buy a great keeper to have him watch the games from the bench.

    As for Chelsea although they had defensive issues they nearly went 2-1 up and could have scraped a draw on another night.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No mate I can't help you a it makes no sense. Probably wengers ability to make fine match winning judgements disappeared a few years ago. Same thing happened to saf with the difference that saf seemed to be able to field shit players, crocks and past-its who played well because he made them play well.

      Delete
    2. Maybe they were so scared of saf they had to play. Wenger needs to go on a terminator course.

      Delete
    3. I thought Ospina had earned his place after last season. I was impressed hhe free kicks were being whipped in with a real curve but true, he was well out of position, a la David Seaman (on too fucking many occassions!).
      Don't forget Cech made a couple of blunders against WHU as well.

      Rastafairy

      Delete
    4. I agree Cech needs to get his eye in after so long on the Chelsea bench but on the big nights you find big players lift their games. He is a big player.

      Delete
    5. I think Cech has his eye in - and his left foot as well. Brilliant save on Martial's point-blank attempt.

      Delete
  19. The last British civilian to be killed by a V2 - rocket was Mrs Ivy Millichamp, 34, who was at home in Orpington, Kent.

    In her memory is it too much to ask that if we bomb ISIS a stray rocket might hit Blatters Swiss chalet, live on air during MOTD?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No need to get ISIS to do it. The Yanks have a pretty good record for "accidently" hitting the "wrong" target. Should be quite easy to confuse S. Blatter, Chateau le Bung, Switzerland with Jihadi John, ISIS, Syria. Knowing Batter, he's probably sqirrelled all his bribes, sorry, I mean commissions, in some bolt hole like North Korea where they are extremely unlikely to cooperate with the US financial investigators.

      Spider

      Delete
  20. Jose in meltdown monologue mode.
    And sadio mane, woof! That 3rd goal was how the old Chelsea would counterattack.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Very inconsiderate of Fenway to sack Rodgers this evening.


    Stealing Arsenal's thunder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was Arsenal set to sack Rodgers? :)

      Delete
  22. I missed the Man Utd game today and by all reports the team also unfortunately missed it too. Congrats to Arsenal on a great result. Makes life more interesting for sure. Better end of the week for them it seems.

    I have a bit of sympathy for Brwndon Rodgers. They sold his best talent and then he had to pay over the odds for people not as good. The silly loss of Gerrard did not help. I really thought it would have happened in the summer to allow a new manager time to choose his squad. Maybe their new manger wanted a longer holiday and has come back to work now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree - Liverpool's ownership chose to take the moral high road with Suarez, egged on by the outrage in English papers, and everyone outside Liverpool except Everton fans.

      Speaking of which, David Moyes is 100-to-1. Better than Martin Jol, Kenny Dalglish, and Sir Alex Ferguson...

      Delete
  23. Well, I am glad to see him go. I actually think he is a good guy and he was doomed to fail here. This was the will he wont he saga won't go on for ever, and whoever the new manager is gets a chance with the team 4 points from 4th spot and enough time to figure out his team before the Dec transfer window. I think the 2013 season with Suarez was probably the most exciting Liverpool team in my lifetime, and for that alone I wish BR the best. From the time he lost Suarez though, he has been completely out of his depth.

    As for his replacements, is Klopp really going to be much better. I hope so, but it's not like he did wonders when he lost the Dortmund stars. They were struggling in the relegation zone for a while, and not sure if they even made Europa this season. That being said, the fuckups at FSG, probably want Mick McCarthy or Big Sam, so I'll take Klopp any day. Ancelloti wont come, he is probably eyeing either Chelsea or Bayern next season.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Big Sam would be great, Kevin Nolan would be your new captain and he'd buy back Andy Pandy. Adam Bogdan gets the keepers shirt. He might also organize your defence a bit, that's what's fucked you lot up. Well, that and Alonso leaving, the nibbler's antics, Gerrard's ageing, Carragher's retirement, Sturridge's hospital bills and a string of lightweight midfielders that didn't have a decent scouse moustache between 'em.

      Delete
    2. BRING BACK RAFA.

      In other news, Maureen has received the Vote of COnfidence of Doom.

      These guys are so massively over paid and their success depends so much on other peoples' talents that you cant feel too sorry for any of them.

      Rogers has 104 houses in his rental empire fer gawd's sakes but not for long (impending divorce). What did Bernie Madoff do with Van Gaal's millions? Has SAF run out of race horses? Where's that fiver I left by the toaster?

      Delete
    3. Neil Lennon is (my personal) favourite for the Chelsea job.

      Delete
  24. Bolton won't let Lennon go - no matter how often you ask them )))

    ReplyDelete
  25. Crime is a big problem for our Generation.We need to be aware to prevent this problem form our society, I have a great Future plan so I can vanish crime for our society.

    ReplyDelete