Thursday, 24 December 2015

Ho ho ho! It's Robbo's Christmas Presents!

Happy Christmas Christians! And to the other 67%of the UK population - and the rest of the world - I hope you're busy being merry in the best way you know how.

Traditionally I like to play Santa at this time of year, bestowing my largesse on the great and good and piss-poor of our sporting world. So here's your pressies, people.

To Sepp Blatter: a mirror. Take a long hard look in it. You feel 'sorry for football'? The one you've left behind is like a deflated flaking casey that's been kicked through playing fields strewn with dog shit. And you Platini. Don't think memories of your twinkle-toed derring-do is going to get you forgiveness. 

To Jose Mourinho: one of those NHS posters warning you not to abuse the staff in the hospital. With Dr Caneiro's face on it. And a few brochures for property in the Cheshire area, just in case. 

To David Moyes; a lovely Titleist three-wood - it's the only new club he's going to get for a while. 

To John Terry - a mobility scooter - it'll make him quicker off the mark and it's got a tighter turning circle than he has. 

To Jesus Navas - some hypnotherapy to help him over come his fear of open spaces. Just cos your name's Jesus doesn't need to mean you can't put over a good cross. 

To Leicester City - sleeping tablets, so you can keep on dreaming. I was quite excited when it looked like Liverpool might bag a Premier League a while back. If Leicester win it I might have to have a bonfire in the back garden and throw every piece of cynicism I have on to it. 

To Guus Hiddink - a rear-view mirror (always assuming he can't have surgery to insert eyes in the back of his head.) Chelsea can still win stuff when the manager does what he's told - Avram, Di Matteo, etc. But if you're thinking of laying down the law, well, let's just say there's thirty pieces of silver under every coat-peg in that dressing-room. 

To Wayne Rooney - a trichology operation to undo the criminal acts done to his scalp. He's a kind of reverse Samson, Wazza. Ever since he had that hair put in he's lost all of his power. 

To Louis Van Gaal - a big thank you for his defiance in the face of the media scrum. It may sound a tad hypocritical but me I just make jokes at the expense of these extremely well-paid dictators. The proper press, as LVG more or less said, get to almost sack someone themselves if they really put their minds to it. Louis, now you know how Jeremy Corbyn feels. 

To Daniel Sturridge, Sergio Aguero, Andy Carroll - a special gentleman's remedy to make you relax a little more. A kind of anti-Viagra which might stop you being pulled off early so often.

To Roy Hodgson - Stuart Lancaster's phone number. They can have a good chat about how to play Wales and Woy can do the bleedin' opposite. 

To Remi Garde - a new Villa, preferably one on the Algarve fecking miles away from Birmingham.

To Tyson Fury - a kettle, a teabag and an instruction manual, so he can get his poor Mrs sorted on Christmas morning. 

To Riyad Mahrez and Jamie Vardy - a pair of headphones each with some happy-clappy music playing, and a block on the phone numbers of their respective agents. Yes, a footballer's career is short, the time to cash in on your success is even shorter (particularly in Vardy's case) but withering on a bench somewhere amongst the rich kids is no way to further a career. Stay put. There's plenty of time to review options in the summer.

To Lord Coe - a Teflon suit, probably the one Blatter wore for twenty years. There's going to be some shit flying around and it's only a matter of time before some sticks to you. 

To Chris Froome - a few buckets of faeces at the ready for the Tour de France. They throw piss, you throw poo. It's the only way to answer these critics. 

To Andy Murray - well he's something of a gift to the rest of us if I'm honest. If the Scots get independence we'd lose two things of major importance: North Sea Oil and Andy Murray. The rest, you can keep. But any road I'd buy Muzza a GB team shirt so he can delude himself into thinking he's still playing Davis Cup when he hits the inevitable Federer semi* and Djokovic final.

To Gary Neville - a foreign language dictionary. Not English-Spanish by the way - I'm sure he'll catch on to that soon enough - but an English-PhilNeville dictiionary. Much of what Phil says gets lost in translation and given it's the younger brother who talks to the players at Valencia I'm wondering how the hell Gary can possibly survive. It might well be, as Phil might put it 'a bit of a baptismal of flame in that sense'.

To the drug testers in Rio 2016: patience, and more patience. Analyse every last drop of that urine as if you;re life depended on it. In fact if the competitor is running beyond 800 metres and is Russian, stand on her bladder until every last trickle has been eased into the pot. And best of luck.

To the international footballers of Scotland - some very comfy cushions for the summer time. Enjoy your rest. Just imagine how much fitter you're going to feel in August without a busy summer of action knackering you out.

To all the readers of this sometimes sporadic blog - have a great Christmas, and may the roll of the ball and the blow of the whistle always favour you.

May the dive not deceive you, the shoot-out not shaft you, the vagaries of fortune take you to the very brink of success.

And may Leicester City, in an act reminiscent of Usain Bolt's unmanning of Justin Gatlin, lift the title and make the country believe in the beautiful game all over again.

And failing that, may Boro keep tonking promotion rivals 3-0 cos I'm not up for any more of that May Day play-off tosh.

Happy Christmas!

[*You're right - the phrase 'hitting a Federer semi' doesn't have a good ring to it.]















451 comments:

  1. Good festive stuff Robbo. All the best to you and yours and to them and theirs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have a good one and now for my santa act - probably the last time with any credence whatsoever...who am I kidding,he's twelve and a committed atheist with an internet connection. Childhood in the 21st century....

      Delete
  2. Quality as per Robbo...us and our wish thee and thine peace on earth (as if) and in spite of that - a very merry xmas!

    ReplyDelete
  3. a home run Robbo :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are both wise and benevolent, Mr. Robson. Have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!

    On LvG, I was going to express something similar in the comments of the last blog. Media are too smugly powerful in sport, particularly football. I think he should pay a private detective to dig up shit, then ask THEM some questions at the next presser...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nice one Robbo, and a cheerful Christmas to you and yours...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brilliant blog n comments all year. But you saved the best till now. Merry Xmas to all.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Cheers RR.

    Messy Quueznus to one and all.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice one Robbo. Merry Christmas to you and your kin. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Brilliant blog indeed. Love the GB shirt for Andy Murray. I do wonder about the advice for Vardy though. As Chatlie Austin can confirm you don't always get a good move after being great the season before in the premiership. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush as they say (I struggle with the bird in hand part let alone the second part). If he gets offered a usually top four team which includes Chelsea I think he should take it. Roy won't pick him as centre forward unless he does and England need him in the summer.

    I know Scotland will have the summer off but we have the advantage of getting the disappointment over with before Christmas. The 6 months of hope followed by three weeks of pain may be even worse to bear. Mind you as a Scot I don't remember having hope since 1978. At least that turned out well.

    Final word though is appreciation Robbo. The Christmas list is a highlight of the festive season so many years and the way you entertain us and enlighten us is a great gift from you. I hope you receive as good a gift as you give us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why would Vardy want to leave the potential Champions to join a team struggling to avoid being relegated?

      The irony of role reversal

      Delete
  10. RIP Burslem's native son, Lemmy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hope you all had a good Christmas.

    Especially if you managed to get a Boxing Day winner in the 93rd minute.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My wife has no tits but she wants 'em, I have 'em but don't want 'em, is there any known surgery that will allow mine to be transplanted on her? Only sensible replies please.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mls is usually where all the useless tits get transferred

      Delete
    2. Useless tit transplant, Bo? Kenny Dalglish perfected the technique at Liverpool so I reckon he's your man. If you need a dick transplant contact balotellis agent. Sorry couldn't read your last sentence. Bo

      Delete
  13. Nice to see Noone/No-one/noone playing for Cardiff tonight.

    It's a different noone to Blogidy's noone,but there you go.

    Bo,plenty of tits at Old Trafford if you need them.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Much as I admire what Leicester have achieved this year I don't think they will be a regular top of the table side though I will be happy to be proved wrong. If a Real Madrid (unlikely) or another established high team offer him s chance to secure his and his families future fortunes I think he should take it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy New Year! Arsenal for the title, I'm sure. Özil is the real deal!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Happy New Year to all you jammy bastards.
    Let it be a year of health, wealth and sexual gratification.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. is that the real Spits? Spitfire? Legend of the blogosphere?

      Delete
    2. Indeed it is, mate (except for the legend part, unless you mean dead-so-wont-talk-shite-about-him-anymore).
      Hopefully you've been well and packing your bags in case of an increasingly probable Trump Presidency?

      Delete
  17. HNY everybody, best wishes for a healthy 2016 for all of you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you mate - Arsenal look favourites for the title.

      I've been ill over the xmas break - bad case of tinselitis.

      Delete
    2. I've had pines and needles since a week before Christmas!

      Delete
  18. Happy new year to all. I hope we will be United for the rest of the season.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Are there any Sarth Efricans on here so I can gloat?

    Ben Stokes - he scores when he likes.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Where's Gaz? Save Rafa. Ooops too late.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel sorry for Zidane already...

      Delete
  21. Greg Dyke says they will all shoot themselves if England don't make it out of their 2016 group. Surely it is worth the sacrifice of losing in one tournament if that will be the result. It would be different if Englnd could win it but that's not going to happen.

    ReplyDelete
  22. No new blog from Robbo.It's because he's doing Panto.....


    ...oh no he isn't!

    Rastafairy

    ReplyDelete
  23. Like so many others he will be exercising to lose the extra pounds put on during the festive period. If it wasn't for my bad leg (Ho hum) I would be doing the same.

    ReplyDelete
  24. One for Trot.

    During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
    I described a typical day this way:
    "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7km through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake.
    I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
    At the end of it all I drank eight beers"
    Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an
    outdoors man!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a shit golfer".

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  26. With the Special One not being tempted to go to Swansea I see Curtis has the job till the end of the season. At last we know where Pep is going to for next season. Just remember where you heard it first folks !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was going to say Pep to Everton - but Martinez, like he always does, got a nice win (this time against Citeh in the BS Cup) and my frustration has subsided. Bastard.

      Delete
    2. Trotts why get Pep when you have Lennon? I have a feeling in the current financial position you may have to ask him to pay Bolton to be the manager.

      Delete
    3. That's a great idea, he could buy Bolton! Owner/manager. Can he play too?

      Delete
  27. Even at the age of 44 he's still a better option than Heskey was. I reckon he would still get in the team.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Messi voted best player in the world again, a decision it would be hard to disagree with. If it carries on like this they could name the award the Spanish player of the year soon.
    I think the Welsh manager and team captain were a bit biased in choosing Bale as number one. I admire the fact Pogba's brother was brave enough to put family loyalty aside and vote on the evidence instead.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Well Bowie's been there in the background of my life doing cool stuff and being interesting ever since I was a kid and I used to sneak a listen to my elder brother's albums when he was out.

    So I listened to the otherworldly, spectral soundscapes of Blackstar and now I think I'm going to die of despair.

    RIP

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was genuinely excited to hear Blackstar on Friday (love jazz, love Bowie) - the meaning of the whole work went from kind of cryptic and nebulous to razor-sharp focus at the end of the weekend. Heart-rending stuff. RIP

      Delete
    2. He's always been there for me since teen years too blog. Since that lass Vivian with the long blonde hair and eyes of blue gave me nothin' but sorrow. He made us believe he was a lad insane. I didn't know there was a new album until I read of his death (didn't even know he was terminally ill) so I downloaded the album and WOW, it's brilliant, a requiem. A supremely insightful look at the face of his own death. RIP indeed.

      Delete
    3. I've never felt so desolate and bereft, apart from after watching the last episode of The Bridge series 2, of course, since Diane Mazara (who had misspelt my name in biro on her white canvass shoes) put Ashes to Ashes on the turntable laughed at my mullet and said we were finished.

      Delete
    4. did she put the nag before the dig? Her Dad, Tom, is a junkie, you know!

      Delete
    5. I might be confusing girlfriends, trot, I was actually thinking ofDeborah Mozzarello who spelt my name correctly on her left tit before taking Lets Dance off the CD player and kicking me in the nuts. Her dad was a big cheese.

      Delete
    6. But she didnt like the mullet either. (I never had a mullet).

      Delete
    7. dating girls whose names end in a vowel has inherent risk. Unless they're little China girls.

      Delete
    8. Here's one...which Bowie song would you dedicate to who(m)?

      LVG ; under pressure
      Blatter : The Man Who Sold The World (Cup)
      Eastleigh squad : We can be heroes
      etc....

      Delete
    9. Yay a game!

      Bob Dylan ..sing for Bob Dylan
      Andy Warhol... Andy Warhol

      Delete
    10. Ah ok got it now....

      Tinkerman Ranieri ch ch ch changes

      Messi the laughing gnome

      Balotteli aladdinsane

      Robbie savage queen bitch

      Eden hazard and Diego Costa Rebel rebel and We Are the Dead

      Delete
  30. Obviously her eyes were firmly fixed below your navel Blog.

    ReplyDelete
  31. A quick word on Stoke's finest musician.

    It wasn't all Ace of Spades.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS8Fn2gaGpM

    ReplyDelete
  32. I hear the Liverpool and Manchester United game was a cracker in that it was all used up in the past and was only fit for the bin. Maybe they should have flipped a coin for the points and saved people the entrance money

    ReplyDelete
  33. At least it added a bit of money to the coffers. Another few wins and they may be able to pay the groundsman. I really hope they get an investor soon, the extra time for the winding up order may help.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I know Eddie Davis has pumped loads of money in an he's the one who'll lose most but I don't understand how he can just wash his hands of it at this stage. Surely an owner has a fiscal and moral obligation to support/finance/bleed dry his investment until such time as he divests himself of it! Come on Eddie, a couple million more won't hurt!

    It'd like me leaving my MKII Cortina on a pub parking lot in Blackpool and expecting not to have to pay for the towing.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Assuming he has a lot more money then I would agree. If his money is tied up in oil he maybe can't afford it now. I saw something about him offering to wipe out debt so that suggest there should be a good starting point for a new owner. The lack of glamour in buying Bolton must be a factor. It would seem the potential to get a club with a goodish history and build up a team to enter the premier league should be a challenge for a rich entrepreneur. With the new Tv deal a championship team would be a great and cheap way to share in this windfall.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Amateur, I have felt the same way about new investment in Everton for years. Established Premier League club, good history, loyal fan base. The TV deal should have been the kicker, and who knows? Maybe it still will be. Or perhaps the sight of Tony Bellew constantly festooned with Everton badges in the "Creed" flick. Speaking of which, I need to see Creed again - I didn't catch whether Bellew's mouth guard had an Everton badge on it. Granted, he really does seem to be an Everton supporter...

    ReplyDelete
  37. I read they were intending his role to be a Liverpool fan but he said he could never go home if he did that. When he heard about the role he thought it was a joke.

    As for investment there has to be a huge incentive on the championship teams to get promotion. The money they spend now would reap amazing rewards if they get promoted.

    Everton are a good footballing team even in the days when Duncan Ferguson played with them. If they can hold onto their good players and not let Chelsea et al steal them they can progress. The aim has to be constant improvement and not doing what Southampton do and sell all their best players.

    The new TV deal from next year is rumoured to be paid out at the start of the transfer window next year so they just need to be patient.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scott I'm just hoping my compliment did not put the curse on Everton for the Swansea game. Sorry.

      Delete
    2. No curse there - we've been pretty bad at Goodison this term. And as shaky as Stones looked for their two goals, I'm not sure anyone is going to come calling in the last days of January. Which is a good thing - I think he'll get over the growing pains and come good.

      Delete
  38. Trotts I am really impressed by the way the Bolton manger and coaches were willing to pay the wages of some of the staff. With the good news of the land sale being allowed to go through this may allow the club some breathing time. What it does show is that they have the right spirit in the club.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. from your keyboard to God's ears! Not to mention a two game winning streak and FA Cup glory in May, everything's coming up roses!

      Delete
  39. OT: A rematch on the way soon for Manny Pacquiao and Timothy Bradley? Is it gonna ba Manny's last time in the ring after his fight with Bradley? Check out Manny's training here. I think Mayweather has been checking this out and Manny's other training vids to study his style. Manny Pacquiao Video Channel

    ReplyDelete
  40. Clearly, as well as being a granny-shagging thug, Rooney is a white supremacist.....the kids' initials of KKK being something of a giveaway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sometimes I think we read too much into names, Warwick Hunt.

      Delete
  41. Well now Liverpool have stumbled past Stoke I hope it is a merseyside derby in the final. Better than Manchester City by far.

    As for Stones he is not the only good player to have some bad games. He is quality but I loved the way Martinez kept saying how he was in the right place to keep developing. Just a subtle hint to people to keep their hands off.

    So who will be the best signing this last few days. It seems to me Townsend to Newcastle will be a good deal. It is amazing that with many team needing a striker Rhodes does not get a shout. It would cost very little and be almost as good a gamble as Austin will prove to be. How can so many have missed that opportunity. Well done Southampton.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Hub Cap final would be my choice too!

      Delete
  42. Man City 1-1 Everton (Agg: 2-3)

    Robbie Savage
    League Cup winner on Radio 5 live
    "I wouldn't pay to watch Kevin De Bruyne. Does he get that many important goals?"

    You can thank Savage for the Man City second goal Scott.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Robbie, you sonuva(mumblegrumble)...

      So it's the big spenders against the REALLY big spenders in the credit card cup. Really, Everton don't need that, can focus on the FA cup and improving their league standing, etc., etc.

      (Cries self to sleep)

      Delete
    2. I'm lucky as in Scotland Celtic are the really big spenders in a country of no spenders. Until Rangers get back to the bigger little league I can sleep well. I'll ignore the Man Utd playing for this comparison.

      Delete
  43. Sorry in advance to GazUtd (and any other Irish friends) if he (they) looks in.

    Paddy says to Murphy, "Why are you talking into that envelope?" Murphy replies, "I'm sending a voice mail ya fucking idiot!"

    ReplyDelete
  44. Losing to Man City away is no reason to be ashamed, but I feel Everton really should be doing better then they are.

    I've watched them play a number of times this season and they look to have a game sewn up only to piss it away. Their defence is a shambles.

    50 mill for John Stones........?

    You should bite their bloody hands off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or alternatively......


      Keep him and get rid of Martinez before he turns you completly into Wigan.

      You just missed getting to a cup final, be happy, that would of meant relegation. ;)

      Delete
    2. You've got it, H - this season has felt a bit Wigan-ish. Now praying for an FA cup exit...

      I think losing/being drawn from a good position as they have can have a lasting effect. They should get that "cheap carny hypnotist" bloke from the Bobby Redford film The Natural to lecture the lads - "Losing is a disease, as contagious as bubonic plague or syphilis...ah! But curable! Now I want you to imagine yourself on a ship at sea...gently rocking...gently rocking..."

      Delete
  45. Maybe Everton could ask for Cahill plus £30m. That would seem a good deal and Cahill would have a chance to play again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be intriguing. Cahill isn't terribly old, and I would bet he and Jags (I call him that because I have a good vibe with him) would make a good partnership. But who is coming up behind them? I'm scratching my head trying to think of Martinez signing or developing a good defender or keeper. Did he do anything like that at Wigan?

      I hear my countryman Tim Howard is thinking about jumping to MLS. If I'm honest, I have to admit he hasn't been the same since the last World Cup, but Robles is no #1 keeper...

      Delete
  46. i always liked Howard and had him in my fantasy league teams. I think he is now a great backup keeper but not the number one. If Martinez isn't able to sign or develop a good defender you are I trouble as, with no offence, a few of the defenders are getting older now especially if Stones does go.

    I'm impressed by your closeness with "Jags". I only ever do that when I can't spell the surname.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I know it was against Derby and they are a championship team but last night gave me hope simply because there was some flow and style in the United play. Two of the goals were on the edge of offside but even still there were nice moments. This may be one of the few times I can admire a flowing exciting games with United this season so I'm going to enjoy it.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Looks like Boro are going to give Rhodes the opportunity he wasn't getting from teams in the premiership. Hope he gets the chance to prove them mistaken next season when they get promoted.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Trot : a little light relief. Vale have gone under a couple of times in the last decade and some mug always bails these clubs out. Bolton are Immortal.

    http://www.theguardian.com/football/picture/2016/jan/26/david-squires-on-trouble-charlton-athletic-bolton-wanderers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice! Thanks, Blog - I was unaware of Mr. Squires' work, but I like him! Reminiscent of Tom Tomorrow's "This Modern World" here in the States. Loved Squires' portrayal of Jurgen Klopp as Hank Scorpio from The Simpsons in a recent strip!

      Delete
    2. I missed that Scott. Cheers mate.

      Delete
  50. wtf? terry wogan cant die. bonfire of the celebrities.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Everton 2-0 in 18 minutes. Where the hell has Kone been the past two months? Robles even has a couple of good saves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awaiting the inevitable comeback... :)

      Delete
  52. No comeback and Everton win so congrats Scott. Jordan Rhodes must be nuts not agreeing terms with Boro. If he proves himself he gets a bigger money move in the Premiership. Either he has no faith in his own ability or he is too short-sighted. Or perhaps he has a washing machine on the never-never.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Show me a pro sports athlete acting daft at a transfer/trade/contract, and I'll show you a bat-shit-crazy, deluded agent. Very possibly also the athlete's close relative. :)

      Delete
    2. You may well be right especially as the kid says he thought he had agreed terms. Might be worth s call from him to say Senor Delmonte says YES.

      Delete
  53. I hate football. Obviously nothing to do with Celtic losing in the cup semi-final. I may just cry into my beer now.

    ReplyDelete
  54. The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. Make your mind up Cameron you greasy dead pig-fucker!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. did he actually fuck the pig or was it oral? That alone should prevent the consumption of pork pies.

      Delete
    2. did he actually fuck the pig or was it oral? That alone should prevent the consumption of pork pies.

      Delete
    3. Oral so it doesn't count as many a married man would say.

      Delete
  55. Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you name a single movie that has been remade that has been as good as the original?

      Delete
    2. There is no movie as good. I bring forward Manhunter v Red Dragon as a prime example of this.

      Delete
    3. Ha Ha @ Life of Brian remake. Hilarious!!

      Delete
  56. I took the kids to Alton Towers 'Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine our disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Can we just declare 2016 "The Year of Blogs?"
    Because he's making all my chuckle muscles hurt. Cheeks (that's the ones on the face), abs, eyes acquiring a semi-permanent squint...every time I think I'm done laughing, I get an image of Jim Caviezel coming out of the tomb whistling "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" after getting the shit kicked out of him for the better part of 2 hours, hear a Bowie footballing song, or see David Cameron violating a dead pi-wait, that...that got me to stop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've got to say I also applaud the voicemail and Warwick Hunt comments. I love these blogs because you folks are so funny yet insightful.

      Delete
  58. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just checking my sporran now for hidden explosives. Loving the sound of the novel, can I pre-order one now please?

      Delete
    2. I posted my annual comment a couple of weeks ago blog, pleased to have an explanation for the absence that is much more acceptable than "satellite issues".

      Delete
  59. Can you name a single movie that has been remade that has been as good as the original?

    Yes I believe I can, some even better.....

    True Grit, Total Recall, Heat, Some Like it Hot, The Fly, Oceans Eleven, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Dredd, Cape Fear, Casino Royale, 3:10 to Yuma, The Departed, Godzilla, King Kong, the two newest Star Trek movies........


    I could go on but I'm sure you've got the point.

    Sequals on the other hand.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There have been some dreadful sequels. Die Hard 2 & 3 were good and the new Star Wars one wasn't bad.

      What I want to know is how the Lord of the Rings trilogy was awesome and the Hobbit a bit bobbins?

      Delete
    2. I thought the new Star wars film was absolute shit.

      Nice special effects, but the acting was terrible, the charachters were weak and flawed and the less said about the story the better.

      Didn't like any of the Hobbit inspired films.

      And they were Baggins, not Bobbins. ;)

      Delete
    3. H2H. True Grit, really. The John Wayne version is one of my favourite films. The way he rode the horse with the reins in his mouth were fantastic.

      Delete
    4. Not a John wayne fan, sorry.

      I thought Bridges had a real presence in the remake, the young Hailee Steinfeld put in a great performance too, all under the watchful eyes of the Coen Brothers.

      Far superior to the original, according to most critics, but it all falls down to personal taste in the end I suppose.

      Delete
    5. Starwars 7 shit? Im speechless. It's the best film ive ever seen in my life (except Airplane2, obviously)

      Delete
    6. Fair enough as you say personal taste. I did like the remake though. I guess I don't like change so much so why I like football makes no sense.

      Delete
    7. French Connection 2 and The Godfather 2 are about the only two decent sequels I can think of.

      Delete
    8. Tarrentino's newest offering "The Hateful 8" was okay.


      But I must admit I haven't seen 1 through 7.

      Delete
    9. I didnt like his film about insomniac housewives - Dust till Dawn

      Delete
  60. So Pep to Citeh.

    Worst kept secret ever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep not sure if it even counts as news. Bit bad manners to do it mid-season though especially as he did the same when moving to Munich.

      Wonder if when LVG leaves United can get Simeone in?

      Delete
    2. I think Fergie will come back for a season! How could he resist?

      Delete
    3. It's a pretty common practice in Europe, happens all the time in the Ere Divisie, not the "done thing" in Blighty though.

      I remember van Basten moving clubs, which had all been sorted in mid season, but by a quirck of fate the team he was leaving was matched against the team he was joining in a play off place for an Europa League spot. Awkward.


      Anyways.....

      I think it's pretty disrespectful towards Pelligrini, who's team are still in four competitions and are many's favourites to land the title.

      Football's gone to shit!!!

      Delete
    4. Not sure if Man U could get Simone, but I'm sure you'll end up with someone.

      Delete
  61. United can take almost anybody rather than LVG. wish they would announce it soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  62. I fuckin love the coen brothers H - oh brother where art thou - v funny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed it was mate.

      Their film Fargo has been made into a series, well worth a gander, if you haven't already seen it. (2 series, 10 episodes each).

      Delete
    2. ill have a look- any wood chippers?

      Delete
    3. Unfortunatly not.


      But they make up for it with other stuff.

      Delete
  63. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  64. WOW!!!!! They kept that one under the radar. Rhodes going to Boro, whatever next.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Pep to City.

    Well,here's my little tuppence worth (as Mrs Jack calls it)

    He's over-rated as a manager.He'll struggle at City as they are a 2 man team,neither of whom can stay fully fit (Aguero and Kompany) He's never had to develop a team before from scratch.He may very well prove me wrong.

    If he hadn't been at City then Pellegrini (who has acted with great restraint through all this) would make a decent manager at Un***ed.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Speaking through gritted teeth I would prefer Jose. At least he would buy in decent players before he got sacked in the second season.

    Decent article on the potential movement of City players in this article.
    http://m.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/35467814

    ReplyDelete
  67. Pep is a top manager.

    People seem to gloss over the fact that the Barca he inherited finished in third place, 18 points behind Real the season before. He revamped that team using many players he had previously trained in the B selection. He won 5 trophies in his first year and built what has generally been punted as the best club side ever.

    Bayern was a pretty safe bet, absolutly no competition in the Bundesliga which is basically the SPL with better stadia, better beer and sausages replacing fried mars bars.

    What I will say is that the teams he has managed are the most powerful in their leagues this will also be the case at Citeh, however unlike in previous leagues the top teams have stiff competition from the so called lesser teams and the gap is closing due to the (ridiculous) tv money.

    Past glories will mean nothing in the PL, he can ask vaG, Maureen and to a certain extent Klopp (although he deserves more time) how that has worked out this term, but Citeh will probably back him to the hilt to ensure his legacy.

    It will be interesting to watch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Im pretty sure citeh will win it this term as well H. They are ging pep a quarter of a billion euros to spend. theyll be unbeatable unless man utd spend big in the summer on proven talent and rediscover a winning formula...my guess would be that it will take naother couple of seasons so psychologically depednent did they become on the freudian father figure of saf.

      leicester bless them - fairy tales dont happen, do they. Vardy is playing out of his skin like he's sold his grandmother to satan in return for ONE SEASON as the greatest striker in england. sorry nan, rip, but i wouldve done the same. SPurs look as strong as i can EVER remember. theyll do well to hang on to potch.

      And then there's arsenal wilting in the heat. Again. What's that about?

      Delete
    2. Woo hoo a mention of the SPL Tennants isn't too bad as a larger goes btw. Mind you I'd prefer a beer festival in Germany

      Delete
  68. I quite want Man Utd to take "the Special Needs One" now. The rivarly with PG was intense when they were in the same league, imagine what it'd be like with them in the same city!
    I'm sure JM would find some assistant coach to sneak up on and poke in the eye.

    Rastfairy.

    PS come back Robbo, all is forgiven.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Don't want Maureen anywhere near the PL.

    Seen that show and it sucked.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Rugby - a game for thugs played by gentleman.

    Football - a game for gentlemen played by thugs.

    Darts - a game for fat cunts played by fat cunts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so, somebody who plays all three is probably a thuggish, gentlemanly, fat cunt?

      Delete
    2. ANyone who plays all three is a feckless unemployed cunt with too much time on their hands.

      Delete
    3. thanks for clarifying that blog. Back to my scrum practice on the oche with my Franchiser FC team mates.

      Delete
    4. only one word for that, trots : magic dartsfootby

      Delete
    5. or an anagram of d magic booty farts

      Delete
  71. vale win, stokee lose. Why cant life always be this good?

    Vale are in touching distance of the playoffs but have played more games (30) than any other english club not that you give a shit.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Pep, I think he is a good manager but I'd like to see him managing a team with limited funds just to see how good he really is.

    H2, I haven't seen all the remakes that you mention but those I have seen True Grit, Total Recall, Some Like it Hot, Oceans Eleven, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Cape Fear, 3:10 to Yuma and King Kong I have to disagree with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed Bo, let's see him try his management skills at Bolton, or even Arsenal, eh? Either one could be like a remake of The Titanic.

      Delete
    2. I think the Arsenal remake would be more like A Bridge Too Far, while Bolton may be Impossible Mission 17.

      Delete
    3. A Bridge to Far?

      I thought that was John Terry's bio pic.

      Delete
    4. I thought it was Ronaldinho's home movie after i saw him eat that apple through a tennis racket

      Delete
  73. If Leicester beet City at the weekend then the world has turned on its head. I'd love it to happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be fantastic, the best Saturday of the season so far. (Unless they play on Sunday).

      Delete
  74. Vardy's goal must be the Goal of the Season Winner! It just epitomises Leicester's last 12 months or so: fearless, ferocious, intimidating and simply beautiful: Route 1 sometimes but, boy-don't they have bags of flair. Why wait, when you have a speeding cheetah with a machine gun up front? Watching City and Arsenal afterwards seemed positively pedestrian. Leicester prove that football is a team game - 11 players working as one and not just relaying on one 'spark of magic' from a glorified signing. It helps, no doubt, to have a 'big' name but the whole team needs to buy into the right philosophy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The problem with the goal of the season award is that it is a public vote. Charlie Adam did not win it after his wonder goal against Chelsea as Giroud was voted best by Arsenal fans. All the experts said it should be Charlie that one. It is probable a tap in by a City player will win instead.

      Delete
    2. Oh, I think that there's an enormous feel-good buzz about Vardy and Leicester which breaches the club allegiances across the land so there shouldn't be a shortage of voters for JV. I am a M**Utd fan and I'm gunning for Leicester to win the league... Okay- without getting further three points at Old Trafford!
      SashPie

      Delete
    3. You and I both agree on the Leicester situation and the Man Utd part also. I really hope you are right about the feel good factor impacting any vote. Mind you Roonie could score one from outside the United box with a 82 yard stonker and win it instead. Not likely though I grant you.

      Delete
  75. Okay, so it's been more than a month. Still no Robbo!
    Boro on the up, Maureen gone, Terry leaving, Eng thrash Saffers in cricket, positive news all round, me thinks? The world seems a better place, yet still no Robbo to capitalize on these rare dreamy moments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All true. And Spurs above the Gooners, who are now in their accustomed 4th place.


      Jedi

      Delete
    2. A spot that Spurs have spent a fortune to try to achieve over the last years.

      Delete
    3. Oi-vey, need some sugar cane for your lemons? Although I'm no accountant, I'm fairly sure the math will not work out in support of the Spurs spending vastly more than any other top 6 or so teams. There's been a few 'buys' that have gone sour. I don't think any turned out particularly disastrous financially.

      Delete
    4. To be fair most teams including Spurs have spent more than Arsenal. Maybe Exeter may be an exception. Thankfully Wenger has never needed to add to the squad recently except Ozil who is a great buy and Wellbeck. Surely somebody would have helped to win the league considering their injury records. I heard the new series of casualty was to be made at the Emirates.

      Delete
  76. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/naturalists-observe-annual-phenomenon-of-arsenal-shedding-spine-20160204105902

    ReplyDelete
  77. Fuckin' February Robbo.

    ReplyDelete
  78. One billion quid spent on transfers this year. One billion !!!!!!!!! Something is very wrong

    ReplyDelete
  79. While missing the writings of Robbo I am reminded the last time he has a longer break it was not for a nice reason. I'm hoping all is well. I appreciate that his insight is a privilege not a right.

    However I can't resist the pun that a blog is for life not just for Christmas.

    Ok I'll stop it now !!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  80. football's great aint it but i still think this is the best joke ever

    [Mainwaring and Wilson have just left Godfrey watching the Channel]
    Sgt.Wilson: It's a beautiful sunset, sir.
    Cpt. Mainwaring: It's a beautiful land, Wilson. They're not going to get it, you know. We shall fight them until we have just one round each, and we'll use that on ourselves!
    Cpt. Mainwaring: By the way, how much ammunition have we got?
    Sgt. Wilson: One round each, sir.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the one Mainwaring told concerning a British Captain on spotting a young Australian soldier, a new arrival on the frontline asks "Did you come here to die soldier"
      Australian soldier "No sir, I came here yesterdai"

      Delete
  81. Comedy gold all the way. Nervously looking forward to the new film. Btw the actor who played Godfrey served in both world wars. When he was discharged injured from the war a woman handed him a white feather for being s coward as he was in Blighty. He didn't tell her the truth.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Could someone tell me why United fans, purportedly yearning for free-flowing, attacking football, are so chuffed at the prospect of the Negative One becoming their coach? Yeah, he might whip the horses into something the first couple of years, but he'll be gone in the third before you can say (Frau) Blucher! (Horses neigh off-screen)

    ReplyDelete
  83. His name usually brings big name players to the club and they would stay after he leaves. It will also be good to win the title instead of City. You are right that the football will be boring but instead of being boring and losing it would be boring and winning which is a slight improvement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dunno, Am - it seems that with the recent seasons some of the upstarts are having, it's not that cut and dried anymore. There used to be a fear factor in facing SAF, or Arsene, or Mourinho - that if you played an open game against their more-talented squads, you'd get ripped apart like a security guard in the opening moments of a Black Friday sale at Walmart (USA reference there). No longer. I actually think that's what was driving Mourinho nuts - my boring tactics aren't winning, and it's my side getting ripped apart. I will never know enough about football tactics to argue with you lot, but that's the way it seems to me.

      Aside from Leicester (in great form, but we gave them a game) and Liverpool (who ALWAYS get up for the derby, no matter how poorly they're playing otherwise - bastards!), this year I haven't seen Everton go into any matches at any grounds (well, Goodison has recently given us trouble) and thought we couldn't compete and win. As opposed to previous years: "Well, United - if we play cautiously and get a bit of luck, we could get a point."

      Delete
    2. I'm worried you may be right there. Worried because it will make it harder for United to win the league. In a strange way though it has been a breath of fresh air to see at two teams making an unexpected impact on the top 4 (sorry Spurs fans). Money can't buy you love but if it can't win you a title then a few team may find themselves lookin for a new sugar-daddy.

      As for Liverpool the job is easy. Just keep them at 0-0 till the 77th minute and then their players will all stop to help the fans leave, it worked for Sunderland. Makes me sick to see raised prices when they are about to get so much TV money.

      I'm also confused about the bottom of the table. I don't want Big Sam to go down as he has been badly treated by a couple of teams. Alex Neal has done a good job at Norwich and deserves a bit of luck, like a clean sheet maybe. So now I'm left with Newcastle, Swansea and Villa which is a shame on Villa who are starting to look like Lazerus rising from the dead in recent weeks. The great thing is they I still have no clue what will happen at either end, makes me enjoy football more now.

      Delete
  84. I'd like to take the credit for this,but I read it elsewhere.

    If Leicester win the league,it will mean that since Liverpool last won the title Peter Schmeichal and his son will have both won it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're all Leicester fans now jacks. WOnderful and amazing and iconoclastic smashing of the predictable top 4 template effort from them. I expect their best players will be nicked next season and I bet they're never this good ever again. As ranieri is saying in the press, there is a special spirit to his squad. Credit to him as well for spot on tactics and masterful management of the pressure. Even a couple of weeks ago he was still talking about reaching their pre-season 40 points target to avoid promotion.
      Great to see Spurs achieving as they should as well - they are a massive club - blogdignag jnr has played them a few times and their training facilitities are jaw-dropping. Also fantastic to see man utd languishing and to cap off a perfect season (and I thought last season was BRILL-I-AAAANT as paul whitehouse might say) there's just that anchoring sense of certainty given by arsenal's 4th spot. Is it true that if they finish 4th 5 seasons in a row they get to keep it in perpetuity?

      The message from Leicester is clear - fuck you, Big Money.

      It would be good to hear robbo's views on this most amazing, disruptive of seasons.

      Delete
    2. Nejmar wasnt born when Liverpool last won the league.

      Mahrez+Vardy (£1.4 million combined cost) : 32 goals.

      Man Utd entire squad (£half a billion or summat fucking daft) : 31 goals

      Delete
    3. They finished third last season.

      Delete
  85. Haha, what a day, City don't like it up 'em, Captain!

    ReplyDelete
  86. Just when I thought the season could not produce any more funny moments this happens. Next on the list is Arsenal.

    ReplyDelete
  87. i guess we have a few weeks now of dull fat middle class blokes pretending they're intrested in sport during the rugby.

    i watched england v scotland (in a hotel in knightsbridge, but thats a different story) and it was at times quite exciting when it flowed, but the reason rugby isnt for me is the fact that nearly every game ive ever seen has hinged on penalties. some of the decisions are arcane and no one actually at the game has any chance of seeing what happened in real time. so generally still a bunch of posh fat lumbering sado-masochists bullying each other until some authority figure arbitrarily decides who succeeds and who fails. you can see why it appeals to public school types

    ReplyDelete
  88. Football is the best but ruby can be fun even though I know Scotland will lose most games.

    It is strange days when I'm disappointed when Man Utd get a draw away to Chelsea. Looks like it may end up Europa Leauge again next season as the games are running out and there is no sign of a late surge.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Finally have "real" Internet, well semi real anyway. Watched my first "live" football game in over two years last night and although we won, I felt neither inspired by the win nor that I had missed much in the past two years. I summarise the game as eloquently as I can by saying it was a pile of shit and leave it at that.

    I read last week that Wenger justified not buying any new outfield players this season by saying there was nobody available that would improve the team. He must be sending he's scouts to non-league territory because I am sure there are players in the Championship, at least, that would improve our defence and mid-field, maybe even find a striker or two down there.

    So it's Leicester City next week. We can win, no really, we can win. We will have to improve a bloody lot over yesterday's performance though and I have the feeling that Cech will have to be at the top of his game for us to do so. Leicester are in good form at the moment and deserve to be considered favourites to take the title. The "Tinkerman" has done a brilliant job there and if Leicester do go on to win the PL, he will have shown that you don't have to spend countless millions of dollars to do so.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Leicester are the Bernie Sanders of the Premier League. All the establishment (media, big clubs) are still expecting them to fall, but they keep marching on. May they go all the way!

    ReplyDelete
  91. It's goint to be a "title deciding" (TM All pundits, ever) match between the Gunners and the Foxes. And the Cocks will be in the strange position of wanting Arsenal to not lose.
    Up the Arse'

    Rastafairy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That wil decide nothing, that's just meedja hype nonsense. There wil still be 36 points to play for after that game, which is even enough to save Aston Vila.

      No Spud worth the balancing cock on his chest would want Arsenal to not lose that game.

      Delete
  92. The strange thing Bo is that the few times Arsenal dip their toes in the transfer market they can and have signed some quality like Ozil, Sanchez and Cech. Maybe Arsene is saying if it's not either Messi or Ronaldo they cannot improve the team. As you say there must be players out there who can do a job. I don't mean Danny Wellbeck btw.

    As for Leicester then I think their counter attacking speed and the quality of their finishing will cause a lot of problems. If their central defenders play as well as they have this season then it's going to be a tough match for sure. Looking at the Leicester run in a lot of their games look winnable if they carry on as they are, it may come down to nerves at the business end of the season.

    After the odds of 5000-1 at the start of the season I may put a pound on all teams above 1000-1 next season. They say lightening cannot strike twice but stranger things have happened.

    ReplyDelete