Monday, 7 November 2016

Bloody Lovely Stuff

One of the reasons I stopped blogging a while back was coz even when he was out of a job all people talked about was Jose Mourinho. This is partly coz he manages to draw attention to himself like a pissed aunty at a funeral. Constantly saying inappropriate things, slating the officials, undermining the bride, saying the bridesmaids are just not up to snuff. (Well that was my Aunty Pat, any road.)

There was a time when this tactic was a way of drawing the fire away from his team and creating a bunker mentality to help the players thrive. Nowadays, he seems to take a misfiring first eleven to be a personal slight. That might seem like paranoia but in the case of his last half season at Chelsea, I think it was justifiable paranoia.

You only have to look at Conte's Chelsea, featuring the same players by and large that Jose left behind, to realise that the boys in blue just didn't give a shit for the Special One. Costa's back to his rollicking best, Hazard is twinkling around like a footballing Tinkerbell, and the back three look as unbreakable as the skull of a Trump supporter.

Meanwhile United are still a scatter-brained blend of the overpaid and the barely worthwhile. One League Cup win over Manchester City's B-team and a victory over a Swans team that played like cygnets hasn't changed that. Moyes, Van Gaal and Mourinho have all tried and failed to instil some sort of pattern and belief on a struggling club. And frankly I'm quite pleased. United fans might get snarky, but as it says in the song 'if I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor.' In other words, Sit Down next to me (A Boro fan) Stretford Enders.

Having said that, a Boro fan is more likely to witness a point being won at the Etihad. Last Tuesday, Citeh had a night which some people seem to think has changed the world of football for ever. It's as if a late middle-aged woman had finally discovered the female orgasm. The result Citeh have been waiting for. Yes, and... They're still going to finish second in their group and go out to Bayern Munich in the last 16.

Apart from flickers of brilliance up front, Citeh still can't put teams away. They're like me getting home from the boozer and trying to find the wastepaper basket with an empty crisp packet. Even leaning over the bloody thing I can still tweak it wide. Sterling fills me with least confidence in front of goal - I doubt he can find the bowl with his piss even if he were sat down - but his form elsewhere has been terrific and Guardiola deserves much credit for reviving the lad after a desperate summer.

Nevertheless the back four, with Kompany's absence throwing a long shadow over it, has a brittle look about it, Pep likes a ball-playing goalkeeper and I do too so lng as it's cos the bloke's got his hand down his shorts cos he's got bugger-all else to do - come on we've all done it. Citeh's title chances, as has been the case for a few seasons, rather depend on whether Aguero's chunky little legs don't keep falling away like slow-cooked lamb off the bone.

And I haven't mentioned Arsenal. It's not unusual for Wenger's team to have a good start. Arsenal are like delicate summer blooms which flower long into November, only for winter's icy blast to bring them withering to the ground. In other words, they don't like it up 'em, whether that be a sadistic centre-back or a strong north-easterly.

That being said, Mesut Ozil is making kicking a football about into the sort of them fecking rhythmic gymnasts could only dream of. The goal to see off Ludogarets was so sublime that Darcey Bussell is dancing it at Sadlers Wells next week. Ozil is the Federer of footy. When he's on the ball, he looks like he's got more time than the planet itself has. He's left more goggle-eyed this season than he is.

As for Liverpool, well, they're shining as bright as a Klopp grin. I haven't purred so much about a Koppite eleven since the days of Barnes and Beardsley. Really bloody lovely stuff. The way they knock it around between the front four - well, it's just a shame Andy Carroll's not there to finish it off, isn't it? Yep. That's what was happening not very long ago.

But it's been a happily hard to predict beginning to the post-fact Premier League. The current champions are Leicester City. It's worth repeating this as fact every now and then, just to underline that it's not some neutral's blissful dream - a kind of counterbalance to the dark nightmares of Brexit, President Trump or West Ham's stewarding at home games - but an actual fact.

I was pretty much dreading a return to the grim days of Chelsea/Citeh/United dominance. But no. It's been a pretty bleeding wonderful start to the season. Entertainment galore and in Hazard, Ozil and Coutinho (with Sanchez, Firmino and Costa not far behind) we are getting to see some top players at the peak of their powers.

Mourinho aside, I'm enjoying it again.



28 comments:

  1. HahhahahahhhahhahahhaFirsthahahahahahhahahahhhhahahah cough cough harrumph

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  2. Mourinho's part of the entertainment this year in his new role as Alan Partridge in his upmarket Travellodge. Last season he was the problem and Chelsea rightly got shot of him. This time he's determined to make it clear to everyone that the porblem is the players and he needs to get shot of them. Hard to argue with that in midfield and attack but Man U had the tightest defence in the league last season, even without Luke Shaw. But Mou's on the warpath and here comes the reaction - another incipient insurrection brewing with Smalling and Shaw's "injuries" and signs of discontent, at least in the press. it's all better than Coronation Street with Jose as Ena Sharples.

    Some of the football recently has been sublime but that's another soap.

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    1. For "injuries" please read :

      injuries

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  3. Reading through the comments on the previous blog, there's a lovely post from an anonymous towards the end. For some reason the letter "J", "D", and "R" sprang to mind.

    As for Maureen, he's still loved by all in the meeja. Won't be long before he's leaning out of his Range Rover giving quotes. (As long as he doesn't run over his missus)

    Bit of a meeja love fest for Klippety at the moment as well.

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    1. I thought exactly the same Jacks until he ended it so lovingly!

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    2. I know what you mean Trotts.

      As I write this, Trump looks like your next commander in chief. If you need any help moving back over here I can do house hunting for you in the Peak District.

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    3. Thanks Jacks, thought of this last week and Scouse Phil is on the case, he's hoping to find a nice place in Toxteth for us.

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  4. Oh Robbo, you wouldn't feel Chelsea were so wonderful if they'd done YOUR squad 5-0. Ah, who am I kidding? It was as lovely an arse-kicking as Everton have taken since the LAST time Chelsea thumped us. 2011, I want to say...our back three looked as porous as the brain of that same thick-skulled Trump supporter.

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    1. That was just to prepare you lot for what it's going to be like when you face Liverpool!!!! Mwahhaaha...

      Also..how you been Scott? All good one hopes.

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  5. Good stuff Robbo, it all went tits up when he slagged off the good lady doctor Eva whatshername with the "filha da puta" comment. Showed his true colours there and it continues. Could be Rafa next for Gaz Utd and co.

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  6. Blimey. Blogs like London buses. None for ages, then 3 at once. Like you, I'm confidently expecting the Gooners to go into hibernation soon. I'm not convinced Jose still has the "Special" tag, but United are still a mess. Chelsea (since Conte switched to a back 3 have won all 5 games, scoring 16 and not conceding, which is impressive. The good news is that the league still looks impossible to call.


    Jedi

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  7. Jacks a return by JDR may well cause apathetic commenters to turn out in force

    I for one don't want to see a return to Chelski/ Citeh / Utd dominance. Just United dominance with a close run race and City in League 2

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  8. I agree Adam.

    Be lovely to see Carlisle giving it the beans at the top of the Prem.

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  9. Well, well, welcome back Robbo. Thank fuck too, I went to twitter and stayed 3 days. That was 2 days too long. Anyway, agree with you about Arsenal. They have played brilliantly for 2 halves of football this season, the rest has been pretty ordinary but managing to win. Paid 100 mil on players and got about 45 million worth of shit.

    I can at least watch every game here in Viet Nam. Downside is the Vietnamese commentary, upside is the Vietnamese punditry, so its mainly good.

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    1. Vietnam Bo? No more Philippines?

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    2. Home is in the Philippines Trott but we have come to live in Viet Nam for a few years. I would make it a permanent move but my wife wants to return to the Philippines later, so the Philippines it will be.

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    3. gotcha Bo, as long as you get your weekly dose of the Gooners all will be well!

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  10. Where's Noel...it's almost time for the first noel gag.

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  11. Typo: "too so lng as it's ...."

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  12. Glad 'Boro are back in the top league, because maybe you'll entertain us with more frequent posts as a result.

    However, as a 50-year City fan, I must disagree with, "I was pretty much dreading a return to the grim days of Chelsea/Citeh/United dominance."

    City have never really established any dominance, not in any era. You could argue, that since the end of the last decade, beginning with Thaksin Shinawatra, City have continued to enjoy decent funding, but none of this has yet led to a true dominance.

    Finally, bring Hart back as the number 1 to stop the bleeding and please explain why Sparky would not have done all right with the funding his successors have seen?

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  13. aye, Danny Rose has had a good game, let's take him off. Ok, Gareth, who shall we bring on? Oh, I dunno, how about Cresswell, he's barely kicked a ball all season, he'll enjoy a run out.
    Fuckin' clueless.

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  14. Even at 2-0 and playing against the Spain B side, we never looked in control. Although giving the ball up on two or three occasions Spain looked very comfortable on the ball and were always looking to go forward, whereas we looked anything but comfortable and our first thought seemed to be defensive. Our back six looked more a threat to our goal than did Spain, especially in the first half. Up until Spain scored it looked as though it would go the way of the Scotland game where we got the result but were not the better team

    Apart from Lalana, there isn't a true International level player in the team. We have a few young players who may develop later but currently are quite bereft of such quality.

    Does it bother me... nah, I'll continue to watch this shit until the day I die without any real expectations, just the hope that one day we will reach the final of a big competition, and maybe beat Germany in a penalty shootout.

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    1. I wasnt even surprised by the way we threw it away. I almost laughed. Almost. Fuckers. Rooneys got pissed publicly like a dim teenage boy once to often and I think thats the end for him now. Best all round I think.

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  15. I never go check how the players were rated for England games, or any games for that matter. I must have clicked on the wrong link today because that is where I ended up. I'm not sure which numpty is responsible these ratings but whoever it was he was obviously at a different match to the one I watched. I picked these rating out as an example:

    Jordan Henderson (central midfield) 7

    Led by example as captain and delivered a superb cross to set up Vardy's goal.
    (A superb through ball it certainly was but delivered by Lalana. That leaves a somewhat cliched comment about his captaincy. The midfield was pretty poor, so poor that all to often the defence by-passed it, sending long balls to the forwards, so not sure how he set any sort of example)

    (Jesse Lingard (right winger) 7

    Showed promise with some good running. A work in progress but good signs.
    (Maybe the signs were there but was only visible for a few passages of play, hardly warranted a 7 but didn't make too many mistakes)

    Raheem Sterling (left winger) 7

    Excellent 65 minutes. Lively, pacy and linked well with Lingard.
    (Yes he is lively and pacy and has a lot of talent and can be a huge threat to opposing defences but in this game, for all his fancy footwork, 80% of the time he was either dispossessed or gave the ball away.)

    Methinks the copy boy has favourites and just throws higher than average numbers at them.

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  16. Arsenal stole a point they didn't deserve on Saturday. They played the kind of football they seem to reserve for Old Trafford. If not for Cech the game would have been beyond reach in the first half, he was our only shining light. Anyway, a point it is and I am very happy with that.

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