Monday, 21 November 2016

Give It To Gareth, FFS.

Gareth Southgate's being interviewed as I write. For the England job, not for next year's I'm A Celebrity although it's not hard to imagine that as his next career move after he gets the job. He will get the job and that's because he is so well-qualified for it.

I would lay out Gareth's assets for the role as the following:

1. Availability.
2. Willingness.
3. Niceness.
4. Englishness*
5. A bit of success with the under 21's.

Of these, availability is the major factor. Pundits can bleat on about how he might fare in the crucible of tournament football. He might lack the strong mindset of people like oo, I dunno, Fabio Capello. They might even fret that being a decent fella never seemed to matter to Mourinho or Ferguson - they were both utter shits and it worked for them. Woy, Stevey Mac and Sven were gentle souls and look at their international records. Then again Sam Allardyce is a bit of a twat and yet his England win ratio is 100%.

But the main point is that Gareth Southgate is the only bloke who fancies having a go at the job at present. And therefore he should get the job. It's no point giving an important role to someone who doesn't really want it. I mean look at Boris Johnson. (Then look away quickly before you break all the crockery in your house.)

Of course Southgate's interim stewardship has been as okay as any other manager's might have been. England still struggle to look good going forward without looking as disorientated as a gathering of American liberals at the back. But that's simply a matter of personnel. If there was ever a Golden Generation then this one is made of lead. The Leaden Generation.

It'd be lovely to imagine Gareth is some sort of Gok Wan of international football. In six months' time we'll know the make-over is complete when Gary Cahill plays a 60-yard Rabona onto the chest of Jordan Henderson whose clever-back heel puts Theo Walcott in acres of space, at which point the wannabe-Henry loses his life-long agoraphobia and calmly slides the ball into the path of a purposeful Raheem Sterling who calmly side-foots home without the use of his shin.

But that ain't gonna happen.

I hope Southgate's cause is not undermined by England squad members behaving like young men on a night off. It's just another example of how removed from reality these England superstars are when they get caught doing things that other people their age might do.

Wayne Rooney was drunk, I tell you, drunk. And on a Saturday night. Worse than that it was at a wedding party to which he had been invited and the arrogant out-of-touch Scouser said 'Thanks I'd love to.'  So full of himself was Wazza that he then proceeded to drink red wine. We can safely assume that beer just isn't good enough for the up-himself tosser these days.

[Incidentally I am employing the use of irony in the above paragraph - I realise since the advent of Trump as President-Elect, irony has little place in the world but I will try my best to maintain a cherished place for it here.]

Meanwhile, Adam Lallana and Jordan Henderson apparently went to a strip club. I hear it's not cos there were lasses there getting their kits off, but cos they'd got vouchers for a 2 for 1 offer on spirits until midnight. Strip clubs are shit. And, in the case of Sunderland away kits, club strips are shit too.

None of this, it seems to me, is any reason to go off the deep end and condemn these lads any more than a slick five-pass move by England deserves the strange sound of Glenn Hoddle cooing and saying 'that could be Spain playing there'.  It's not great behaviour, no, but nothing untoward happened and unless Rooney's having to leave the pitch to vomit Merlot into a bucket then I'm just not bothered frankly.

Wayne apologised for the 'inappropriate' images but jeez he was a bit tiddly and sat on a sofa - he wasn't waggling his cock about in a primary school playground. That is genuinely not appropriate. I can vouch for that. I was seven at the time but even so...

I've never been one of these twerps who think that because they wear an England shirt ten times a year and get paid vast amounts of money by their clubs they should bear in mind that they are role models. It's horse dung frankly. I am bothered when they play like a bunch of bleeding fuckwits because as professional people they should at least be able to get that bit of their lives to function more frequently.

I heard Peter Shilton suggesting that Southgate hasn't got enough experience for the job. Who the hell has? All this hubbub around waiting for Wenger strikes me as misguided. Look at the Englishmen who have flourished under his tutelage - Walcott, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Wilshere, Chambers... not really, eh? The best he's managed is a training routine that repeatedly twangs hamstrings.

Nah, it may be with a touch of resignation, but give it to Gareth. Everyone likes him. He's got the gumption to take it on, much like he had the nuts to take that sixth penalty in Euro '96. Okay that didn't work out but...

LOOK THERE IS NO ONE ELSE!

*Not really a qualification


87 comments:

  1. Good stuff Robbo. Short of telling Big Sam that all is forgiven, let GS get this job on his CV and do it quick before they start talkin' to Stevie G.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good one Robbo. You are right, there is nobody else at the mo. So why so much fucking fiddle-faddling about with Southgate's appointment. The FA should be putting all their time and effort into finding Southgate's replacement... and no, there is no Englishman around today that will take us to a quarter-final let alone a final berth in any major competition. From a purely selfish point of view I would like them to appoint Wenger. He won't be the answer to England's problems but his appointment may be the answer to Arsenal's.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was willing to believe, until you said Sterling calmly side foots it in! Great to have you back Robbo.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Keep em coming Robbo it's a sadder internet without a helping of bile, irony and shite puns every couple of weeks.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 6. Used to ritual humiliation with England (heres his pizzahut advert)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWqmqGsTTBI

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. From a Yank - Hey, you guys! Jurgen Klinsmann is avai-[dodges pint glasses and Sten gunfire]

    ReplyDelete
  8. Spot on as per usual, apart from "since the advent of Trump as President-Elect, irony has little place in the world". Trumpf IS i-ron-ee, o yes. You have to laugh...or possibly not.

    ReplyDelete
  9. England's 2 most successful managers came from Ipswich Town, so logically speaking England's next manager should be Mick McCarthy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Following on from that Jack, England's most successful team contained 3 West Ham players...

      Delete
    2. Is this the 12 days of Christmas song?

      2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers

      Delete
    3. 2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers
      5 pints of beer.

      Delete
    4. Emerging From Gorse24 November 2016 at 21:38

      2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers
      5 pints of beer
      6 penalty shootout defeats

      Delete
    5. 7 overpaid pansies
      8 premature eliminations

      Delete
    6. 11 brown envelopes (no this one doesnt scan either)


      Delete
    7. t w e l v e R o b b o b l o g s

      Delete
    8. Thirteen......

      Damn it, too late.

      Delete
    9. AND A JAFFACAKE ON A LOBSTER THERMIDOR!

      Delete
  10. The England job is a poison chalice, if Southgate is dumb enough to want it then give it to him, he can't do much worse then the previous lot in finals, so who really cares anyway!?

    ReplyDelete
  11. The England job is a poison chalice, if Southgate is dumb enough to want it then give it to him, he can't do much worse then the previous lot in finals, so who really cares anyway!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  12. Well, it's now offical, Gareth got it.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/38062559

    ReplyDelete
  13. had to mention this after watching West Ham capitulate to Man Poo the other day 'the only thing Zaza is good for is scrabble'...
    harsh but fair

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fuck me English football is even more repellently corrupt than I thought.

    But in other news .. when the Pandora's box of brexit is opened, article 50 triggered and EU directives no longer apply, exit negotiations will be further complicated by the return of the oldest and most toxic border dispute afflicting these islands.Lives could be lost as sectarian loyalties and ancient grudges resurface -Jaffa cakes - cakes or biscuits?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't we just call them "biscakes"?

      Hold up....

      Biscakes©™

      Delete
    2. Im setting up in competition with the world-reknown Cakuits©™

      Delete
    3. May the best immaginary snack win.

      Delete
    4. Is the winner receiving a cup (of tea) ?

      Delete
  15. Gareth was always the only candidate. He'll be no worse than anyone else, so good luck.

    Just wondering why you were waving your cock around in a playground aged 7 Robbo. Apprentice football coach?

    The fuss about Rooney and other players enjoying themselves after the game is just stupid. You wonder why any of the players want to play for England (OK, there's not a lot of evidence they do). Just dickhead reporters selling papers.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  16. Arsenal top their Champions League group.

    Bet they draw Bayern Munich in the next round.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe not H.

      They could get Real Madrid instead.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, just as likely.

      *breaks out in panic sweat*

      Delete
  17. Bayern it is.

    The one year you'd be better better off finishing 2nd....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Having said that, 2nd would have meant Barcelona.

      Delete
    2. Bayern a much better draw then Barca.

      Don't have to travel as far to be knocked out.

      Seriously though, they are not the same team now that Pep is ripping it up in the PL.

      Delete
  18. Bayern definitely the lesser of the two threats. I was hoping for Leicseter to do well in the CL (no idea why) and was hoping they'd get a big club who would underestimate them. That seems to be the best chance they have of attacking on the counter. Sadly they have the hardworking Sevilla who I think will knock them out.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I see that Jurgen Klopp has finally caught up with Gary Neville, Jamie Carragher and everyone else and realised his goalie was rubbish and dropped him. Oh the irony

    ReplyDelete
  22. I don`t know how you but I don`t belive in Gareth. Obviously I`m too conservative and like national team which was headed by Fabio Capello (Gloria di Fabio)
    I'll not bet on England in the the upcoming championships. Just my forecast. I use best bookmaker for football.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Good advice that Artur, don't bet on England, 50 years of savings! Aye and bring back Fabio while yer at it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed. Year of the underdog and England still can't win anything

      Delete
  24. and Merry Christmas to Robbo and his readers!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Merry Christmas to all. Will there be a Christmas blog?

    I am not asking Blog if there will be a Christmas by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hello Bo hope you're well old son and happy new year to all you other. motherfuckers

    Mourinho on a roll. Football eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never been better and 2017 is already shaping up to be a great year.

      I am predicting a 6th place finish for the Gunners this year. You cannot win a title by playing two great halves of football in half a season.

      Delete
    2. I dunno I think they'll get 4th as Man City keep screwing up and United seem to blow every chance we have of taking advantage of it.

      City drop 2 points on Saturday and we can't convert more than 1 of 25 shots against Stoke. Need to start playing with 2 up front again like when he had Yorke and Cole and we'll win stuff. Rooney & Zlatan up front together would be awesome

      Delete
    3. "Mourinho on a roll."

      Euuuwww, worst. Sandwich. Ever!!!

      Delete
  27. Footballing Suicide being displayed by Sunderland this week. The club sells the only decent defender they have to their main relegation rivals.

    How stupid can you get (about as stupid as anyone who really thinks that penalty last night was legitimate cos it was the worst decision I have ever seen in my life (even worse than Stuart Atwell giving goal instead of a corner in that Bristol City game) - well not quite as useless as that decision but pretty close

    ReplyDelete
  28. Bit quiet on here. Were you all up late watching the Super Bowl or something? Bit concerned about Leicester as I really want Man City to keep their status as the only Champions to be relegated the next season

    ReplyDelete
  29. I see A**ene W***er has just suggested Gooners should become more like Spurs supporters. If they got that sane they wouldn't support the Gooners in the first place.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
  30. Since there are usually a number of Gooners on here, any views on whether Wenger should stay or go? It seems wrong to me that he can effectively decide his own future. The Board needs to grow a pair, or things will continue to drift. You can always "encourage" someone to resign. Looking at the West Brom game, either he was guilty of acute tactical naivety, or he's lost some of the dressing room.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think he should go when he feels the time is right, as long as he feels the time is right now. If Wenger stays we will lose Alexis and Ozil without doubt. They just may stay if a new manager is appointed.

      I don't think just Wenger should go though; the whole back-room staff, including scouts should be replaced.

      In fact I feel the Arsenal scouts are one of the biggest problem at the club. If you look at our acquisitions over the past few years (not including Alexis and Ozil, they did not require any scouting as such,) the players worth their transfer fee can be counted on two fingers.

      Many players at the club have not reached what I feel is their potential (including Alexis and Ozil) so there are problems with staff also, maybe much of that could be attributed to Wenger too, not sure about that though .

      So yes, I think it is time for Wenger to leave (I don't think he will mind you) but I think the problems are deeper than just the manager.

      Delete
    2. Cheers Bo. I have to say that, as a Spurs fan, I'd quite like Wenger to stay, because it looks like the club is in decline! I'd say that a lot of the younger players (when bought) haven't reached the potential they should have (Ox, Theo spring to mind). Spurs' scouting and development under Poch currently seems far better (Rose, Dier, Walker and Alli cost about £15m combined). I agree that Ozil and Sanchez won't sign if Wenger is still there (or until they know who his replacement is), and Wenger putting off negotiations to the summer suggests he's going. In a "normal" club (one where the Board decided who was manager, not the manager), he'd have gone by now. Sure he has earned the right to resign and get a big thank you, but (for the club's sake, he needs to do it, and make it public, soon.

      Just my views.


      Jedi

      Delete
    3. I agree Jedi but as I mentioned previously, I think he will accept the new two years deal he has been offered and if he does I only see negatives.

      Our style of play under Wenger has become tired and predictable which makes it easy for most clubs to play against. When we are pressed over the ground our game falls apart, each year it gets worse which shows that nobody at the club is able to come up with answers to solve the problem.

      Wenger's success's came mainly through the team he took over from Rioch. since those days there has been a steady exodus of our best players, only a few retired. I doubt there is another club, especially the supposedly big clubs, that has lost as many quality players in the past twenty years as Arsenal have. That may not be Wenger's fault but he is the man in charge and has to accept responsibility for it.

      Delete
  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  32. England = Arsenal.

    Thats the shorter version of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't expect anything from England.

      Delete
  33. holy cow, a flurry of activity in the last 3 weeks, I detect a pulse. Up the Vale!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's a live? He's alive!

      Ah no my mistake. He's dead.

      No it aint true! He's second in the league 7 points clear of Fleetwood with 5 games to play!

      Delete
    2. and one of 'em is against the mighty Vale! It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings! So far she's only thrown up her lunch.

      Delete
  34. So. Piers Morgan says that, if Spurs win the league and Wenger signs a new contract, he'll have to leave the country.

    As a Spurs fan, I can barely think of a better treble which doesn't involve Morgan in jail.


    Jedi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully he won't come back to America.

      Delete
    2. America's loss is..also England's loss.

      Delete
  35. Here it is Blog, as predicted all those moons ago, Vale v Bolton, promotion decider! Tell me again, which pub are we meeting in?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whichever one we meet in trots we'll wish we'd met in one of the others.

      Vale fan being chased around the pitch by 8 stewards as a little prelude to imminent relegation....is it me or is everything shit these days?

      Delete
  36. Down to 10 men. And Vale Park is not the Field of Dreams...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For 4 minutes we were on our way up, then Fleetwood scored a winner, can't take this for another week, nitro glycerin time. Win the next two blog and you'll be safe!

      Delete
    2. Away to Walsall and Fleetwood, after losing 5 in a row...not going to happen trot, theyd need Indiana Jones in charge.

      Delete
    3. what happened to that never give up attitude? where there's a will, there's a way! Don't go to the temple of doom!

      Delete
  37. Orient have been to the temple of doom and made a few sacrifices while there. Never mind we may do well in the National League. I doubt it though.

    ReplyDelete
  38. up the Vale! Where Eagles dare!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Goal of the season.

      Well, like Leicester proved, you never know....

      Delete
    2. Cheeers trots. Its like a kick in the teeth. But its not as bad as that time was actually kicked in the teeth.

      Plus it's now more geographically convenient for me personally to watch a few more Vale away games. In fact if they can get down to the Vanarama league it will be cheaper n'all

      Delete
    3. what about a kick in the bollocks, is it better or worse than a kick in the teeth, is a kick in the bollocks better than relegation? Is the vanarama league worth a kick in the bollocks and a kick in the teeth?

      Delete
  39. oh no, Boro too. A blog worthy series of unfortunate events!?

    ReplyDelete
  40. You seem to be forgetting the O's in all this Trot. Just because we are headed for the National League shouldn't mean we are forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know who hacked my account by I share his sentiments.

      Delete
  41. It's tragic, the O's too! And all this in a world where everybody gets a trophy!

    ReplyDelete