Monday, 21 November 2016

Give It To Gareth, FFS.

Gareth Southgate's being interviewed as I write. For the England job, not for next year's I'm A Celebrity although it's not hard to imagine that as his next career move after he gets the job. He will get the job and that's because he is so well-qualified for it.

I would lay out Gareth's assets for the role as the following:

1. Availability.
2. Willingness.
3. Niceness.
4. Englishness*
5. A bit of success with the under 21's.

Of these, availability is the major factor. Pundits can bleat on about how he might fare in the crucible of tournament football. He might lack the strong mindset of people like oo, I dunno, Fabio Capello. They might even fret that being a decent fella never seemed to matter to Mourinho or Ferguson - they were both utter shits and it worked for them. Woy, Stevey Mac and Sven were gentle souls and look at their international records. Then again Sam Allardyce is a bit of a twat and yet his England win ratio is 100%.

But the main point is that Gareth Southgate is the only bloke who fancies having a go at the job at present. And therefore he should get the job. It's no point giving an important role to someone who doesn't really want it. I mean look at Boris Johnson. (Then look away quickly before you break all the crockery in your house.)

Of course Southgate's interim stewardship has been as okay as any other manager's might have been. England still struggle to look good going forward without looking as disorientated as a gathering of American liberals at the back. But that's simply a matter of personnel. If there was ever a Golden Generation then this one is made of lead. The Leaden Generation.

It'd be lovely to imagine Gareth is some sort of Gok Wan of international football. In six months' time we'll know the make-over is complete when Gary Cahill plays a 60-yard Rabona onto the chest of Jordan Henderson whose clever-back heel puts Theo Walcott in acres of space, at which point the wannabe-Henry loses his life-long agoraphobia and calmly slides the ball into the path of a purposeful Raheem Sterling who calmly side-foots home without the use of his shin.

But that ain't gonna happen.

I hope Southgate's cause is not undermined by England squad members behaving like young men on a night off. It's just another example of how removed from reality these England superstars are when they get caught doing things that other people their age might do.

Wayne Rooney was drunk, I tell you, drunk. And on a Saturday night. Worse than that it was at a wedding party to which he had been invited and the arrogant out-of-touch Scouser said 'Thanks I'd love to.'  So full of himself was Wazza that he then proceeded to drink red wine. We can safely assume that beer just isn't good enough for the up-himself tosser these days.

[Incidentally I am employing the use of irony in the above paragraph - I realise since the advent of Trump as President-Elect, irony has little place in the world but I will try my best to maintain a cherished place for it here.]

Meanwhile, Adam Lallana and Jordan Henderson apparently went to a strip club. I hear it's not cos there were lasses there getting their kits off, but cos they'd got vouchers for a 2 for 1 offer on spirits until midnight. Strip clubs are shit. And, in the case of Sunderland away kits, club strips are shit too.

None of this, it seems to me, is any reason to go off the deep end and condemn these lads any more than a slick five-pass move by England deserves the strange sound of Glenn Hoddle cooing and saying 'that could be Spain playing there'.  It's not great behaviour, no, but nothing untoward happened and unless Rooney's having to leave the pitch to vomit Merlot into a bucket then I'm just not bothered frankly.

Wayne apologised for the 'inappropriate' images but jeez he was a bit tiddly and sat on a sofa - he wasn't waggling his cock about in a primary school playground. That is genuinely not appropriate. I can vouch for that. I was seven at the time but even so...

I've never been one of these twerps who think that because they wear an England shirt ten times a year and get paid vast amounts of money by their clubs they should bear in mind that they are role models. It's horse dung frankly. I am bothered when they play like a bunch of bleeding fuckwits because as professional people they should at least be able to get that bit of their lives to function more frequently.

I heard Peter Shilton suggesting that Southgate hasn't got enough experience for the job. Who the hell has? All this hubbub around waiting for Wenger strikes me as misguided. Look at the Englishmen who have flourished under his tutelage - Walcott, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Wilshere, Chambers... not really, eh? The best he's managed is a training routine that repeatedly twangs hamstrings.

Nah, it may be with a touch of resignation, but give it to Gareth. Everyone likes him. He's got the gumption to take it on, much like he had the nuts to take that sixth penalty in Euro '96. Okay that didn't work out but...

LOOK THERE IS NO ONE ELSE!

*Not really a qualification


122 comments:

  1. Good stuff Robbo. Short of telling Big Sam that all is forgiven, let GS get this job on his CV and do it quick before they start talkin' to Stevie G.

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  2. Good one Robbo. You are right, there is nobody else at the mo. So why so much fucking fiddle-faddling about with Southgate's appointment. The FA should be putting all their time and effort into finding Southgate's replacement... and no, there is no Englishman around today that will take us to a quarter-final let alone a final berth in any major competition. From a purely selfish point of view I would like them to appoint Wenger. He won't be the answer to England's problems but his appointment may be the answer to Arsenal's.

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  3. I was willing to believe, until you said Sterling calmly side foots it in! Great to have you back Robbo.

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  4. Keep em coming Robbo it's a sadder internet without a helping of bile, irony and shite puns every couple of weeks.

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  5. 6. Used to ritual humiliation with England (heres his pizzahut advert)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWqmqGsTTBI

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  7. From a Yank - Hey, you guys! Jurgen Klinsmann is avai-[dodges pint glasses and Sten gunfire]

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  8. Spot on as per usual, apart from "since the advent of Trump as President-Elect, irony has little place in the world". Trumpf IS i-ron-ee, o yes. You have to laugh...or possibly not.

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  9. England's 2 most successful managers came from Ipswich Town, so logically speaking England's next manager should be Mick McCarthy.

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    Replies
    1. Following on from that Jack, England's most successful team contained 3 West Ham players...

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    2. Is this the 12 days of Christmas song?

      2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers

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    3. 2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers
      5 pints of beer.

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    4. Emerging From Gorse24 November 2016 at 21:38

      2 Ipswich Town managers
      3 West Ham players
      4 chain smokers
      5 pints of beer
      6 penalty shootout defeats

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    5. 7 overpaid pansies
      8 premature eliminations

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    6. 11 brown envelopes (no this one doesnt scan either)


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    7. t w e l v e R o b b o b l o g s

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    8. Thirteen......

      Damn it, too late.

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    9. AND A JAFFACAKE ON A LOBSTER THERMIDOR!

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  10. The England job is a poison chalice, if Southgate is dumb enough to want it then give it to him, he can't do much worse then the previous lot in finals, so who really cares anyway!?

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  11. The England job is a poison chalice, if Southgate is dumb enough to want it then give it to him, he can't do much worse then the previous lot in finals, so who really cares anyway!?

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  12. Well, it's now offical, Gareth got it.

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/38062559

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  13. had to mention this after watching West Ham capitulate to Man Poo the other day 'the only thing Zaza is good for is scrabble'...
    harsh but fair

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  14. Fuck me English football is even more repellently corrupt than I thought.

    But in other news .. when the Pandora's box of brexit is opened, article 50 triggered and EU directives no longer apply, exit negotiations will be further complicated by the return of the oldest and most toxic border dispute afflicting these islands.Lives could be lost as sectarian loyalties and ancient grudges resurface -Jaffa cakes - cakes or biscuits?

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    Replies
    1. Can't we just call them "biscakes"?

      Hold up....

      Biscakes©™

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    2. Im setting up in competition with the world-reknown Cakuits©™

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    3. May the best immaginary snack win.

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    4. Is the winner receiving a cup (of tea) ?

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  15. Gareth was always the only candidate. He'll be no worse than anyone else, so good luck.

    Just wondering why you were waving your cock around in a playground aged 7 Robbo. Apprentice football coach?

    The fuss about Rooney and other players enjoying themselves after the game is just stupid. You wonder why any of the players want to play for England (OK, there's not a lot of evidence they do). Just dickhead reporters selling papers.


    Jedi

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  16. Arsenal top their Champions League group.

    Bet they draw Bayern Munich in the next round.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe not H.

      They could get Real Madrid instead.

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    2. Yeah, just as likely.

      *breaks out in panic sweat*

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  17. Bayern it is.

    The one year you'd be better better off finishing 2nd....

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    Replies
    1. Having said that, 2nd would have meant Barcelona.

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    2. Bayern a much better draw then Barca.

      Don't have to travel as far to be knocked out.

      Seriously though, they are not the same team now that Pep is ripping it up in the PL.

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  18. Bayern definitely the lesser of the two threats. I was hoping for Leicseter to do well in the CL (no idea why) and was hoping they'd get a big club who would underestimate them. That seems to be the best chance they have of attacking on the counter. Sadly they have the hardworking Sevilla who I think will knock them out.

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  21. I see that Jurgen Klopp has finally caught up with Gary Neville, Jamie Carragher and everyone else and realised his goalie was rubbish and dropped him. Oh the irony

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  22. I don`t know how you but I don`t belive in Gareth. Obviously I`m too conservative and like national team which was headed by Fabio Capello (Gloria di Fabio)
    I'll not bet on England in the the upcoming championships. Just my forecast. I use best bookmaker for football.

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  23. Good advice that Artur, don't bet on England, 50 years of savings! Aye and bring back Fabio while yer at it!

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    Replies
    1. Indeed. Year of the underdog and England still can't win anything

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  24. and Merry Christmas to Robbo and his readers!

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  25. Merry Christmas to all. Will there be a Christmas blog?

    I am not asking Blog if there will be a Christmas by the way.

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  26. Hello Bo hope you're well old son and happy new year to all you other. motherfuckers

    Mourinho on a roll. Football eh?

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    Replies
    1. Never been better and 2017 is already shaping up to be a great year.

      I am predicting a 6th place finish for the Gunners this year. You cannot win a title by playing two great halves of football in half a season.

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    2. I dunno I think they'll get 4th as Man City keep screwing up and United seem to blow every chance we have of taking advantage of it.

      City drop 2 points on Saturday and we can't convert more than 1 of 25 shots against Stoke. Need to start playing with 2 up front again like when he had Yorke and Cole and we'll win stuff. Rooney & Zlatan up front together would be awesome

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    3. "Mourinho on a roll."

      Euuuwww, worst. Sandwich. Ever!!!

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  27. Footballing Suicide being displayed by Sunderland this week. The club sells the only decent defender they have to their main relegation rivals.

    How stupid can you get (about as stupid as anyone who really thinks that penalty last night was legitimate cos it was the worst decision I have ever seen in my life (even worse than Stuart Atwell giving goal instead of a corner in that Bristol City game) - well not quite as useless as that decision but pretty close

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  28. Bit quiet on here. Were you all up late watching the Super Bowl or something? Bit concerned about Leicester as I really want Man City to keep their status as the only Champions to be relegated the next season

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  29. I see A**ene W***er has just suggested Gooners should become more like Spurs supporters. If they got that sane they wouldn't support the Gooners in the first place.


    Jedi

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  30. Since there are usually a number of Gooners on here, any views on whether Wenger should stay or go? It seems wrong to me that he can effectively decide his own future. The Board needs to grow a pair, or things will continue to drift. You can always "encourage" someone to resign. Looking at the West Brom game, either he was guilty of acute tactical naivety, or he's lost some of the dressing room.


    Jedi

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    1. I think he should go when he feels the time is right, as long as he feels the time is right now. If Wenger stays we will lose Alexis and Ozil without doubt. They just may stay if a new manager is appointed.

      I don't think just Wenger should go though; the whole back-room staff, including scouts should be replaced.

      In fact I feel the Arsenal scouts are one of the biggest problem at the club. If you look at our acquisitions over the past few years (not including Alexis and Ozil, they did not require any scouting as such,) the players worth their transfer fee can be counted on two fingers.

      Many players at the club have not reached what I feel is their potential (including Alexis and Ozil) so there are problems with staff also, maybe much of that could be attributed to Wenger too, not sure about that though .

      So yes, I think it is time for Wenger to leave (I don't think he will mind you) but I think the problems are deeper than just the manager.

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    2. Cheers Bo. I have to say that, as a Spurs fan, I'd quite like Wenger to stay, because it looks like the club is in decline! I'd say that a lot of the younger players (when bought) haven't reached the potential they should have (Ox, Theo spring to mind). Spurs' scouting and development under Poch currently seems far better (Rose, Dier, Walker and Alli cost about £15m combined). I agree that Ozil and Sanchez won't sign if Wenger is still there (or until they know who his replacement is), and Wenger putting off negotiations to the summer suggests he's going. In a "normal" club (one where the Board decided who was manager, not the manager), he'd have gone by now. Sure he has earned the right to resign and get a big thank you, but (for the club's sake, he needs to do it, and make it public, soon.

      Just my views.


      Jedi

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    3. I agree Jedi but as I mentioned previously, I think he will accept the new two years deal he has been offered and if he does I only see negatives.

      Our style of play under Wenger has become tired and predictable which makes it easy for most clubs to play against. When we are pressed over the ground our game falls apart, each year it gets worse which shows that nobody at the club is able to come up with answers to solve the problem.

      Wenger's success's came mainly through the team he took over from Rioch. since those days there has been a steady exodus of our best players, only a few retired. I doubt there is another club, especially the supposedly big clubs, that has lost as many quality players in the past twenty years as Arsenal have. That may not be Wenger's fault but he is the man in charge and has to accept responsibility for it.

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  32. England = Arsenal.

    Thats the shorter version of that.

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    Replies
    1. I don't expect anything from England.

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  33. holy cow, a flurry of activity in the last 3 weeks, I detect a pulse. Up the Vale!

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    Replies
    1. He's a live? He's alive!

      Ah no my mistake. He's dead.

      No it aint true! He's second in the league 7 points clear of Fleetwood with 5 games to play!

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    2. and one of 'em is against the mighty Vale! It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings! So far she's only thrown up her lunch.

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  34. So. Piers Morgan says that, if Spurs win the league and Wenger signs a new contract, he'll have to leave the country.

    As a Spurs fan, I can barely think of a better treble which doesn't involve Morgan in jail.


    Jedi

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    Replies
    1. Hopefully he won't come back to America.

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    2. America's loss is..also England's loss.

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  35. Here it is Blog, as predicted all those moons ago, Vale v Bolton, promotion decider! Tell me again, which pub are we meeting in?

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    Replies
    1. Whichever one we meet in trots we'll wish we'd met in one of the others.

      Vale fan being chased around the pitch by 8 stewards as a little prelude to imminent relegation....is it me or is everything shit these days?

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  36. Down to 10 men. And Vale Park is not the Field of Dreams...

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    Replies
    1. For 4 minutes we were on our way up, then Fleetwood scored a winner, can't take this for another week, nitro glycerin time. Win the next two blog and you'll be safe!

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    2. Away to Walsall and Fleetwood, after losing 5 in a row...not going to happen trot, theyd need Indiana Jones in charge.

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    3. what happened to that never give up attitude? where there's a will, there's a way! Don't go to the temple of doom!

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  37. Orient have been to the temple of doom and made a few sacrifices while there. Never mind we may do well in the National League. I doubt it though.

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  38. up the Vale! Where Eagles dare!

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    Replies
    1. Goal of the season.

      Well, like Leicester proved, you never know....

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    2. Cheeers trots. Its like a kick in the teeth. But its not as bad as that time was actually kicked in the teeth.

      Plus it's now more geographically convenient for me personally to watch a few more Vale away games. In fact if they can get down to the Vanarama league it will be cheaper n'all

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    3. what about a kick in the bollocks, is it better or worse than a kick in the teeth, is a kick in the bollocks better than relegation? Is the vanarama league worth a kick in the bollocks and a kick in the teeth?

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  39. oh no, Boro too. A blog worthy series of unfortunate events!?

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  40. You seem to be forgetting the O's in all this Trot. Just because we are headed for the National League shouldn't mean we are forgotten.

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    Replies
    1. I don't know who hacked my account by I share his sentiments.

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  41. It's tragic, the O's too! And all this in a world where everybody gets a trophy!

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  42. Arsenal spend big on yet another France striker. He may prove his worth but surely there are other strikers in the world who are not from France.

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  43. eh up, Jack, are we having H2H leagues again?

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  44. let's hope so. Also can we get Robbo himself to post something this season as miss the banter.

    I worry about Arsenal this season as the United, City and Chelsea have all strengthened and Everton & West Ham look like they are on the up again.

    Could be a long hard season for the Gunners

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  45. I return from Spain (hot, but lovely thanks) with H2H news.

    642098-448532

    Guess we'll see how many people still return to here to see if there's signs of life.

    You should all automatically be in the classic leagues.

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    Replies
    1. brilliant, well done Jacks

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    2. Yep looking forward to a new season and hopefully not finishing near the bottom this year (would have helped if I'd actually paid attention to my team last year though)

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    3. H2H league?

      Well, it would be rude not to.

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  46. Awesome stuff.....can't wait to use my wildcard week 2 and have half the team injured by week 3. Whod'a thunk creating a fantasy team could be so fulfilling!!!

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  47. Adam, is Fiona Jones, your wife/mum/daughter or you in drag? Or none of the above?

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  48. Unless I take my soapbox to the local park, this is the only place I have to vent.

    OK, I said middle of last season we would finish 6th and it really was time for Wenger to go. I have not changed my mind about Wenger, and I think we will finish below 6th this season.

    Our playing style has not changed in 20 years. The only thing that has changed in that time is the quality of the team has lessened.

    Wenger has fallen into the same trap as England did with the "Golden Generation" Ours was the group of youngsters coming through who would guarantee a bright future for the gunners, i.e. Wiltshire, Ramsey, Walcott, Gibb, Oxlade-Chamberlain, etc. It didn't happen. Rather than a group of superstars we got a bunch of quite ordinary players. Not sure whether you blame the coaching staff for failing to bring theses guys to their full potential or Wenger for not recognising that this is their full potential.

    Anyway, Just want to say that while Wenger remains at Arsenal, we will just deteriorate. He cannot attract the type of player we need. We just keep losing our star players, only the mediocre stay.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah but Peter Cech was a good signing for 6 mil!

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    2. Would have been a brilliant signing for 6 mil... unfortunately he cost 10 mil so yeah, was a good signing. Trouble is, Cech is beginning to make mistakes... that is what happens when you continually play with a shitty defence.

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  49. Oooooone-hundred!

    And Trotts: your hometown needs you:

    https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2017/aug/23/bolton-response-market-city-decline

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    Replies
    1. I blame the internet for everything.

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  50. If it's true that Citeh have offered Stirling plus cash for Sanchez, Go for it, Jump at the fucker. Sanchez has not played well for the gunners for at least half a season, he doesn't want to be there, let him fuckin' go.

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  51. Odemwinge spotted parked outside Port Vale!

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  52. Blogdignag reporting. Scaife is my real fake name.
    Vale on their way down to the lower leagues if they keep this up.
    Oxtail Chamberpot now consistently showing his true worth: nothing.
    Man City Footballer or Mourinho's latest expensively collected team of athletic bouncers for the title.
    Wenger should have gone last season but what's he going to do with his otherwise totally empty life?
    Spurs now the new Liverpool who are the new Spurs.
    Money doeant talk it swears.
    Hope you guys are well out there in the ether.
    Cheers/

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  53. Are you the reincarnate of Richard Mellon Scaife? The deceased billionaire? Least you could do is buy the Vale.

    No more SN^5 for you!

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    Replies
    1. The guy whose enemies mysteriously commit suicide outside his door?

      OK normal service etc

      Just to point out that Vale are higher in their league at present than Bolton.

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    2. Oddly enough, I haven't looked at the Championship table this season, let alone done a comparison with other divisions of the league. Thankfully, I can count on you to keep me informed and when it goes quiet, I'll know we're moving up, back on the inevitable path to the ultimate glory!

      Delete
  54. The O's took on the giants of West Yorkshire (Guiseley) and hammered them 4-1 to move into second spot on the National League table. All is not lost.

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    Replies
    1. It's the Curse of Robbo, Bo. Vale look to be on the way out of the EFL at the mo

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    2. I thought Vale were high flyer's in League One Blog. Did they go down again?

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    3. Yep and look like dropping out of the league for the first time in 150 years due to being owned by a nob

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  55. a 3-0 win at Bolton is surely enough to provoke a new blog, Robbo?

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    Replies
    1. Need 'boro to win PL for Robbo to come back, methinks.

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  56. Record crowd at Boreham Wood, 109,200... oops 1,920 see the O's lose and slip to 4th in NL. The joys of big time football.

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  57. Remember konnolsky?

    Hello again English friends! Yuri and I are in Smolensk butcher’s shop early today. Is another rat infestation, oh dear is me! Yuri is run around shop like Pink Panther of Hamlin, only is use Kalashnikov, not flutes.

    Well, Bloggo Blogson, you are right that Barcelona showed beautiful aspects of footballs this week. But Yuri and I is wonder about English friends thinkings on darker side of game. Yuri is deeply incest at tackle on beloved pin up boy Torres against Benfica, which lead to everything get a bit suitcases and Ryan Babel is off. I not sure, and think violence part of game. I am enjoy England documentary “Great Football Psychopaths” and laugh till make small wee in pant at activities of Ron “Choppings” Harris, Norman “He is Bite Off Your Face” Hunter, Tommy Shitz, and Dave Smackeye.

    All good at hard things, though not compare with time Big Oleg (local oligarch and protection racketeer) is first insist brother Fyodor play defence for our beloved AFC Sputniks against hated Irkutsk rivals Kosmos. Fyodor is having big weight problem and drink 2 litres vodka during game. Irkutsk forward is eggnut him early gates and Fyodor lose it big styles. He pull out revolver and shoot forward in head. After dust settle on ensuing minor bloodbath, amnesty is reach between Big Oleg and Security Services. Now we must leave all firearms in dressing room. I hit on brilliant strategy of play Fyodor upfront (once he serve token 6 month sentence). He now Sundays league top scorer every season. Sure he completely blind by end of game and have 1 in 65 goals to shots ratio. But defenders give him plenty space.

    So what are we thinking, English comrades? Is it good that game is now skills festival? Or do you hate arrivals of creams puff players? We is hate your Vinnie Jones. He such a big girl’s vest! He flounce around film premiers, musing on how he find motivation for play some big idiot in Mr Ex-Madonna’s latest pile of steaming craps

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    Replies
    1. The man's a genius, insightful too, all the things we think but just don't know how to put into words!

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    2. Brings back memories. All good too.

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  58. The gunners played out a well deserved draw today, may have been a little unlucky. Have to say they looked better without Sanchez but there is not a lot you can do in 15 minutes.

    Why Wenger persists every week with Xasha is beyond me, has to be one of our worse signings. Gives the ball away far too often.

    Go Everton.

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  59. The O's beaten at home by Hartlepool (who the fuck or Hartlepool?) at home and plunge to 13th in NL. Atleastthe Gooners are on the rise, slightly.

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  60. Improvement for Bolton this week, only lost by two (to Jacks lads). There's a light up ahead, we're just facing the wrong way to see it.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe you cant see the light because you are not even in the tunnell Trott

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